Chapter Text
Seeing the ghost of Kinn's first love, real and alive, in front of them shocks Porsche. He's rooted to the spot, unable to comprehend what's in front of him but Kinn isn't. He moves faster than anticipated, at Tawan's side in the blink of an eye. For a moment Porsche just stares. All this time he thought maybe he was hallucinating. The idea of a ghost haunting him soon took root in his mind and wouldn't leave him. He thought maybe Kinn wouldn't take it seriously but he went with Porsche happily. Got Porsche the flowers and food and woke up earlier than usual to visit the monks.
Seeing the two of them now unnerves Porsche and he isn't sure why. When Kinn repeats Tawan's name it jolts Porsche's system and his legs move automatically. It's the tone Kinn uses. Familiar after all these years and disbelief at the sight of a man he claims he killed.
"We should call the other guards," Porsche says after a beat of silence. Kinn is staring at Tawan but not doing anything. Somebody needs to take action and right now Kinn looks stunned. Porsche realises it might have to be him.
"Yes." Kinn clears his throat, tearing his gaze away from Tawan before quickly darting back, as though he's afraid that if he looks away, Tawan will disappear. He looks back at Porsche like he's the ghost. "Yes." He repeats again before getting up. He looks uncertain, not knowing what to do and Porsche decides he'll need to lead until Kinn says otherwise.
He makes calls until Big, Pete and Ken come a little while later. Porsche isn't sure what to do during the wait in-between.
"You alright?" he asks Kinn who's now staring at anything but the motionless body of his ex.
Kinn doesn't answer. Porsche looks back at Tawan and thinks maybe that's for the best. There's no guarantee that Tawan is even unconscious. The less they say, the better it'll be for all of them. Porsche wants to hug Kinn, clutch his hand to his chest and tell him it'll be OK. They'll get their answers and then Kinn can retaliate however he wants against Tawan. Porsche will support him but Porsche doesn't do any of this. He stays silent and waits for the others to come.
Big sneers at the sight of Tawan's prone body which oddly enough brings some sort of comfort to Porsche. He's not the only one who doesn't like his presence though Porsche has his own reasons for this. Kinn's out of earshot as Big mutters, "Not this snake again. Even death doesn't want him."
Porsche remains silent and they transfer Tawan's body to the car. Kinn returns back to the compound separately and Porsche stays with the rest. Pete thinks he's being subtle but his worrying glances at Porsche don't help.
The news of Tawan spreads fast. By the time they get back and have Tawan sent down to the interrogation cells, everybody is whispering about him.
On the way to get some food, Porsche overhears the maids tittering in the hallway. "I think it's so romantic. After all this time Khun Kinn is finally reunited with his first love."
When he gets to the canteen, the cooks are whispering over the bubbling pots, "Finally, we'll have the old Boss Kinn back."
Porsche doesn't say anything as he sits down with his food. One of the women who's scrubbing the table next to his beams at him, the joy brimming in her eyes. "Mr Tawan was Khun Kinn's first love. His only love. He was different with us back then. I hope Mr Tawan's return will bring good changes," she whispers conspiratorially. None of those outside of security know how Tawan betrayed Kinn he reminds himself but it's cold comfort.
Porsche stares at his plate, appetite lost.
His only love.
He takes a few bites but can't stomach the food. Porsche makes his way back to his and Pete's room. He has no idea where Kinn's disappeared to but he doesn't feel now's the time to talk to him. Porsche needs to make sense of this whole morning. Where did Tawan come from? Didn't Kinn shoot him? Was Kinn lying? No, that doesn't make sense. Kinn didn't look like he was lying. Those were the words of a man who truly believed what he was saying. Porsche wracks his brain but can't pin the whole thing down.
He can't think clearly.
His only love.
It echoes in his mind as he changes clothes. Porsche knows he loves Kinn. It should be silly considering how fast this whole thing has happened but Porsche knows in his gut that this is love. Kinn makes him happy, makes him feel safe, wanted and owned. If there's something Porsche is worried about he knows he can go to Kinn. He's pretty sure Kinn feels the same. Or it's what he would have said just a few hours ago.
Porsche lies down in his bed. Mercifully Pete isn't here. Yet. Porsche feels heavy inside, his heart yanked to the pit of his stomach. The crux of it all is that Kinn hasn't said he loves Porsche. It's been Porsche throwing around the word love so loosely and stupidly. Looking back at it, maybe he was naive but what else could he name it other than love? All this time, Kinn's never denied it when Porsche said they're both in love but he's never agreed. Porsche has just assumed. He remembers all the hushed words he's overheard. How Kinn was different, how happy he was. All this time he thought Kinn was happy. Now he wonders how much happier Kinn must have been with Tawan that people noticed yet they didn't pick up any change in Kinn when he and Porsche were together? Maybe it was all in Porsche's head.
So no Kinn's never used the word love.
Except Kinn has if Porsche thinks about it.
He's said it whenever he's spoken about Tawan.
Porsche feels a headache coming on. He closes his eyes and tries to sleep but he can't. He's gotten used to Kinn holding his hand and falling asleep wrapped around him. Porsche curls up into himself.
He feels like a fool.