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1.
"Well," Danhausen said. "Danhausen fits into very small space. Hook doesn't need to worry at all."
Hook wasn't worried, not per se. It was probably a lot better sharing a bed with the demon than his dad, who sometimes snored so loudly the bed shook. He had agreed to traveling with Danhausen because of this whole tag team business and the very fine chips, and sharing a car turned out to be largely fine, even amusing at times. Danhausen had strange taste in music but he didn't argue when Hook took the aux cord and mostly his car banter entertained Hook. Sometimes Hook even spoke up and said something. He couldn’t help it.
Of course, talking to somebody was quite different to sharing a bed, but Hook was nonplussed about it. If anything, it seemed like Danhausen was the more nervous of the two about the prospect of sharing a bed.
"We could build a wall with pillows, perhaps, or with clothes. Or with Hook’s bags of chips. But that might get messy."
He was rambling and Hook looked at him.
"No chips in bed," he said and Danhausen's eyes widened.
"Yes, yes, of course," Danhausen agreed. "Of all the foods, they are not bed foods."
"What are bed foods?" Hook asked, unsure if he truly wanted to know the answer.
"Breakfast!" Danhausen said, and the conversation seemed to be over.
They didn't construct a pillow wall, they just went to bed on their own sides and for a while Danhausen wondered out loud if he should send an angrily worded email to HR ("human repossession" as he called it) about somebody booking them into a room with only one queen sized bed together, but had eventually decided against it. Hook drifted off easily but could feel Danhausen turning around on his side of the bed.
In the morning, they were touching, though not by much. Hook's arm had slung itself over Danhausen's midriff during the night and though they were both wearing t-shirts, Danhausen's had ridden up slightly and Hook felt warm skin beneath his fingers. At home, he usually hugged a pillow during his sleep, so this wasn't that unusual. But it was strange to do it with a real human being, or a real demon possessing a human being, or whatever the deal with Danhausen actually was. Hook mumbled an apology in a very low voice, rough from sleep, not sure if the demon was awake or not. Just as he withdrew his arm, he felt Danhausen stiffen beneath the touch, apparently woken up by the apology.
He heard a sharp intake of breath from the demon, but nothing more.
Hook looked at the sleeping back next to him, and could see the tension in the muscles.
He felt like he ought to explain himself, tell Danhausen about the pillow and how he didn't mean it, but then he figured it wasn't a big deal. It's not like they would share a bed in the next town. This wasn't a thing, it was just a booking mishap.
Silently, Hook got up to brush his teeth and Danhausen followed him, hair messy and eyes looking tired, darting around aimlessly. Hook rinsed his mouth and leaned back against the bathroom wall.
"Why do you put on human makeup to bed?" he asked.
Danhausen straightened his back. "It's, uhh, a force of habit. A friend told Danhausen it might make people more comfortable to sleep with Danhausen. In bed, that is. If Danhausen was to want that, at some point, not sure why, but, as it were."
"Cool," Hook said casually and tried not to imagine all the people Danhausen might have slept with, in both senses of the word. He failed tremendously and was met with these mental images all day.
When they got to the next town, the hotel reception staff was very apologetic. The Jericho Appreciation Society had booked a whole floor, trying their best not to associate with any dirty wrestlers and have their own space. This meant Hook and Danhausen would have to share a room again.
Danhausen put on his human makeup and slipped into bed early, while Hook browsed his phone for an hour next to him. Truth be told, he was a little apprehensive about falling asleep after what had happened. He had consciously placed a pillow he could hug between him and Danhausen, to prevent the incident from happening, but he felt a weird feeling in his stomach all the same. Seeing Danhausen so often in his t-shirt and boxer shorts, in his human makeup, hearing his breathing, waking up next to him, all these things made their previously friendly and business-like relationship feel much more intimate.
Hook didn't want to give the wrong impression. That he wanted something else from this bizarre demon. He had warmed to him, no doubt. He didn’t think it possible, but he had, truly. He liked him, liked tagging with him, enjoyed his sense of humor, and thought Danhausen was attractive, but. His line of thinking was paused on that one thought. He looked over at Danhausen and the pillow between them. The plush hotel pillow, like a life raft for the night.
In the morning, Hook found himself almost entirely wrapped around Danhausen's panicked frame, apologized again, his mouth an inch away from the back of Danhausen's neck. Hook knew he was without a life raft and royally messed up. But by then, Danhausen had already eased underneath his touch, relaxed, and Hook thought maybe he heard a sigh as he pulled away, toward his own half of the bed.
But maybe it was just a one time thing, no big deal.
In the next town, another small hotel room, another queen sized bed, and another night Hook knew he would spend subconsciously creeping toward the sleeping demon.
The thrum in his stomach didn't let up.
2.
Danhausen didn't care for demon lore, insofar as he knew it. There was a lot of it and most of it completely contradictory and anyway, he wasn't all that sure he even was a demon most days, when he did perfectly normal human things like earning human monies at his human job with his very human tag team partner. Afterwards they enjoyed human chips, or chips, which weren't made of human, but of potato, fried in some elaborate process.
But there was one thing about demon lore that vexed him. It was a tale that if a demon couldn't curse a human, then it was a rare case of human-demon soul connection. More specifically, being potential soulmates. This was contradictory with some other wisdom about demons which said they no longer had souls, but apparently they might gain access to one, should they meet their soulmate in this manner.
He was starkly aware that there happened to be a human who he was not able to curse and whom he was now traveling with and due to some very incompetent people at the human repossession department, sleeping regularly in the same bed with. This wasn't alarming as such, there were no other indications that Hook was soulmate material, other than the imperviousness to curses, but waking up in his clasp every morning had presented some new problems for Danhausen.
For one, demons were prone to carnal desires. Although, to be perfectly fair, so were humans, perhaps even more so than demons. Nevertheless, Danhausen was not a stranger to such feelings.
For two, Hook was hot.
Really, unfairly hot. And while he didn't say much, he did laugh at Danhausen's jokes sometimes, which was all in all, very attractive as well. Danhausen had started out wanting to just impress Hook, if he couldn’t be cursed, maybe there was something to be learned of his powers. As time wore on, however, he became fond of this cold-hearted Hook, and had suspicions that his heart may not be so cold after all. Not that Danhausen liked to dwell on it. It wasn’t right to think so much of one’s very unfairly hot, powerful and cool tag team partner.
So had that just been the extent of Danhausen's problems, he would have been altogether fine. Sleeping regularly with a hot potential soulmate added a new layer to the problem onion, however. The stupid demon lore said that were one to sleep with their soulmate in a carnal manner, they would be soul bonded for life.
Pretty unfair ask from a hookup, pun unintended, Danhausen thought and so he resisted. He resisted a lot and did quite a good job of it. Hook was all over him every morning, mumbled some half-sincere apology against the back of his neck and rolled over to the other side of the bed. Hook took to sleeping shirtless, for no good reason, which Danhausen classified as torture, and Hook stared at him for a prolonged time every time he emerged from the bathroom wearing his human makeup. Danhausen believed some humans called what Hook was doing bedroom eyes, although to be perfectly fair he also did those eyes in the locker room sometimes and in the car and in a restaurant once or twice. Some mornings Hook's hand would reach beneath Danhausen's t-shirt and sleepily touch, without purpose, in a way that made Danhausen want to turn him over and pin him to the mattress and kiss him and grind himself against Hook's groin and trace his body with his fingertips and lower himself onto -
But he didn't. Danhausen resisted. Reluctantly yet heroically, he resisted. Soul bonding was very serious business, and he didn't want anything to do with it. That would make things very difficult for both of them, and while being soul bonded might help them win a match or two, that hadn't really been a problem thus far.
Hook had no interest in making Danhausen's life easier, however. He had taken to random touching, not just in the mornings in bed, but elsewhere, too. He would comb through Danhausen's hair if it looked messy with his fingers, or lean against Danhausen's shoulder with his arm when scrolling through his phone, waiting for a car at the rental place. All of this made Danhausen's fingers twitch with temptation, yet he resisted.
3.
The waitress poured Hook another cup of coffee. He had not wanted to wake up again to snuggling Danhausen so instead he had barely slept, watching random movies on his phone until the sun came up, and then pretending to sleep when Danhausen woke up next to him. The folks at HR said there had been a shared room shared bed preference in their travel files and they were really sorry and would try to fix it, but this was already a month ago and nothing had been fixed.
It was what it was, but Danhausen seemed to be very uncomfortable with the inadvertent cuddling and Hook didn't want to make anybody uncomfortable. He had wanted to sleep on the couch and that worked for a couple of nights but then Danhausen insisted he join the bed again. Hook was tired. Tired in the literal sense of the word but also tired of waking up painfully aroused, tired of what might be a crush on his very first tag team partner, tired of wondering what Danhausen actually thought of him.
"You guys together?" the waitress asked, finishing the pour.
At first, Hook didn't understand what she meant. "Yeah, we are gonna pay together. Just one check, please."
"Actually, that’s not why I asked," the waitress said. "There is a Valentine's discount for couples. So are you guys..?"
"Yes," Danhausen piped up, enthusiastically. "Danhausen and Hook are a couple. Very much so."
Hook looked at him, brows furrowed, and his stomach did a weird flip at the mere thought. "Stop," he said under his breath, but Danhausen didn’t hear or care to hear.
"It's a twenty five percent discount." The waitress said with a smile. "Excluding tips."
"Then it allows us to tip more," Danhausen said. "Yes, yes, we are a romantic couple."
Hook relented, leaning back in his seat. "Yeah, that's us."
"Very much dating." Danhausen's eyes darted back and forth.
If the lie was obvious, and to Hook it very much was, the waitress either didn't care that much or wasn't the most observant. It seemed like no concrete evidence of their relationship was needed for the discount.
The waitress walked away and came back with the check. Danhausen pulled out his wallet and tipped the waitress handsomely.
As they walked out, Hook suddenly noticed the referees all at the table behind them. He had been so tired, he had not noticed them at the restaurant and now they had all heard the fake spiel about them dating.
Everybody backstage talked, that was the nature of pro wrestling, but the problem with refs was that they talked to goddamn everybody.
He told Danhausen this, but Danhausen didn't seem all that bothered.
"Danhausen is sure no one will think that. It was a minor lie to save money! Danhausen and Hook would have been stupid not to take the discount."
"Yeah, but what makes a better story?" Hook asked. "That we are dating or that we lied to get a discount off some pancakes?"
"And eggs, don't forget the eggs" Danhausen said.
"They are gonna talk," Hook said.
Two weeks later, he found out he was right. The story had got around and it was too late to fix it without seeming like assholes. So he started being more casual with touching Danhausen, even though at times it was painful, just feeding his crush. When people backstage saw them talking or simply standing together, which they tended to do a lot, just like most tag teams, they were met with knowing smiles.
Even the Ass Boys smirked when they saw him and Danhausen practice some moves in the ring before a show. This really got Hook's goat, for some reason. He knew they were an odd couple, or would be one were they a couple at all. But he wouldn't be smirked at by the Ass Boys, who were, after all, carrying forward the legacy of the Ass. Enough was enough.
He talked to Danhausen privately.
"We need to pretend to break up."
"Why?" Danhausen asked quizzically. "Hook is not dating Danhausen. Everybody can think what they like. Hook and Danhausen know it was just a ruse to get discounts and save some monies."
"We didn't save enough for all this trouble. I think even my dad thinks we are together."
Danhausen sighed. "Fine, we will break uphausen. Should we stage a fight? Danhausen can challenge Hook to a duel for breaking Danhausen's heart. It could be very dramatic."
"Why don't we just tell people we broke up?" Hook said.
Danhausen agreed it might be the easiest solution.
But it didn't quite work out. For one, everybody Hook told ended up not believing him.
"I see the way you look at him," Starks told him. "Like, it's pretty clear. I'm sure you will get over this hump."
His dad started rambling about how people sometimes had disagreements with their partners but how the sign of a successful relationship was to talk it out and not give up so easily.
The referees, all too eager to start the rumors, were also of no help. All Hook got was some very wise relationship advice.
Danhausen also had trouble telling people there had been a break up.
"And then Pepsi Man tells Danhausen Pepsi Man didn't know Danhausen was dating Hook and then Pepsi Man wants to hear how it started, wants to know all about the first kiss. Very troublesome."
Hook grew pretty frustrated. He started to lean towards the option of a public fight after all. It wasn't easy, however. He didn't have the words for it and whenever he tried, he was tongue tied because how do you make up a reason to break off a relationship that never happened in the first place? And truth be told, he didn't want to risk breaking up the tag team. He liked teaming with Danhausen. He liked Danhausen.
"Maybe let's just let it be," Hook eventually told Danhausen. "It means we don't have to do anything differently."
"Maybe," Danhausen said.
As time had gone on, it seemed Danhausen had got more comfortable with Hook's unfortunate sleepy cuddling. Hook started to sleep well at night again, and most mornings he didn't even apologize for wrapping around Danhausen's body in the manner he did. It was just so comfortable, so warm and pleasant, the perfect thing to wake up to.
One morning, his hands found more of Danhausen the more they reached out. He heard Danhausen gasp, turning his upper body toward Hook and eyes still closed, Hook's hand found his chin and dove in for a kiss, hazy with sleep and soft and Danhausen returned the kiss with a low groan and they continued on like for a good long while that until reality set in uncomfortably.
Danhausen pulled away first, rigid like a board and said something about morning breath, disappearing into the bathroom. Hook fell back on the bed, his heart in his ears, breathing heavily and so aroused he was sure it might actually kill him.
But it didn't render him dead and soon he joined Danhausen in the bathroom, not touching, not speaking, not dating, not in love. They spoke later that day, breaking the silence, but they didn't speak about the morning.
The next town, the next hotel room, the next morning, and Danhausen rolled over in bed and kissed him back and it felt so good that Hook thought they might make a habit of it, and so they did, and neither spoke of it or acknowledged it. It never went beyond kissing.
Then they got up and got breakfast and pretended to be dating, but those moments in the mornings were just for them. In the next town, in the next shared hotel room with only one bed, they kept their mornings to themselves.
4.
Hook looked at the small figurine, still in its packaging. The packaging had, however, caved in from one corner and inside was a dusting of something that looked like greenish yellow spider webs or dust. It was very weird.
"I'll take it," he told the toy store owner.
The owner raised an eyebrow. "You sure? It's not in mint condition. I am selling it for 30 bucks because of that."
"Yeah," Hook answered. "It's a gift for a friend. He is gonna take it out of the packaging anyway."
"Funny story behind this," the toy store owner began while ringing up the item. "Some old guy around here died having sex and his kids gifted his collection to the store, since he had all these random figurines. Some of them valuable, some less so. Anyway, they told me their dad was a UFO scientist and said he had taken his collection to outer space. He was abducted fifteen times during his lifetime."
So a basket case, Hook thought. Big whoop.
"Maybe the dust on that toy comes from a distant planet," the toy store owner said wistfully.
Sure, and I'm the TBS Champion, Hook thought.
He gave the figurine to Danhausen at the next TV taping and the box was opened in their hotel room. The dust inside the box was immense, it seemed to fill the air briefly.
Danhausen sneezed.
"Bless you," Hook said.
The dust had also got in his own nose. It tickled all the way up to his sinuses and suddenly he felt almost drunk with something or high with the scent of it and when he looked up, he saw it was having a similar effect on Danhausen.
"Feels weird," Hook said, stating the obvious. Danhausen merely nodded, his pupils widened considerably and his eyes focused on Hook's mouth.
"Danhausen wants to but because Hook can not be cursed it might mean a soul bond forms and then it is very difficult to get rid of such a thing."
Hook ran a hand through his own hair, trying not to think about how every single part of him wanted to just shut Danhausen up with a kiss right now and tear away their clothes.
"What are you even saying?"
"This feeling," Danhausen said, drawing closer.
"I know," Hook said, his own vision blurring as he moved closer to Danhausen.
But his hands were already unbuttoning Danhausen's weird teeth shirt and Danhausen's hands had settled on his hips and they were close and Danhausen kept talking about soul bonds and soul mates and Hook kissed him hard on the mouth and electricity shot up and down his spine as he did so. This was different than their usual kisses, like all the tension between them was coming undone, unraveling and they could no longer fight it, deny it, turn away from it. Hook groaned into the kiss, frustrated that they hadn’t gotten there sooner, but also impatient with the speed with which things were progressing. He drank in the demon and just wanted more, and more and more until there was nothing left.
Danhausen pressed a hand against his hardness and Hook moaned and sank down into the bed, Danhausen on top of him and the very last rational thought left his head completely. It was like a trance, he was in his body but amazed at what his hands were doing, how he was finally touching Danhausen and how the demon was responding and touching him back, breathing heavily and not satisfied until they were both naked and as close as two humans or one demon in a human body and a human being can physically get.
The next three hours were a blur and when they emerged from the other side, Hook hurt in places he never had before and had bruises in places he had never had before. Danhausen's skin was blotched red and his chest was heaving.
"Dust from outer space," Hook said. "That's what the guy at the store said."
"Well, that was a fateful purchase," Danhausen said, out of breath. "But Danhausen thanks Hook. Any present is welcome."
"Maybe a gift card next time," Hook said and tried to leave the bed to take a shower, but it almost felt like a string in his chest was being pulled as he moved away from Danhausen. It wasn't uncomfortable or painful, just very strange.
He knew they wouldn't talk about this, and because it was just this one time with the alien dust figurine, it wouldn't happen again.
During their next match, Danhausen took a beating in the opponent's corner and had his leg worked over for a while. When they got to the back, Hook favored his own leg, a low throb of pain exactly where the muscles were hurt in Danhausen's leg.
"What was that you said about soul bonding?" Hook asked him when they hopped in the rental car.
"Danhausen is sure it's nothing," the demon said. "Just some demon folklore. Very pointless and ridiculous."
"Sure," Hook said. "But how come my leg hurts like yours does? I wasn't put in an Boston crab hold during the match."
Danhausen quieted, but Hook could read his expression. He hadn't wanted it to happen, Hook now saw. Danhausen had done his best so it wouldn't happen, and now it had. It was almost like he could read Danhausen’s thinking, without actually reading his thoughts. It was all written on the demon’s face.
Back at the hotel, Hook did something that just felt right to him, at that moment. When Danhausen emerged from the bathroom, Hook pulled him in for a hug. And that touch felt like two pieces locking together, fitting.
“Danhausen should have resisted more,” the demon spoke quietly against Hook’s shoulder.
“It’s fine,” Hook said, pulling away momentarily. “So what does it mean, a soul bond?”
“Oh, you know. Empathy, sharing physical sensations sometimes. If Hook feels cold, Danhausen feels cold, too. Understanding each other better, maybe. Danhausen doesn’t know much about demon things, those books are all very boring.”
“Hm,” Hook said, thinking.
A lot of things to do with soul bonding didn’t sound so bad. The increased understanding could help them communicate in the ring without actually having to speak. The physical sensations would be unwelcome but could also be a good thing.
“And how long does it last?” he asked.
“Well, that’s the problem. All it does is last.”
Hook shrugged. “Well, try not to get beaten up in the next match, then.”
Danhausen nodded.
When they settled in for the night, it felt fine, good even. Hook was so exhausted he passed out almost immediately, and when he woke up, Danhausen was the one wrapped around him, arms and legs everywhere, still asleep.
5.
After being soulbonded to Hook for about a month, Danhausen started wondering about all of this. There was no use in resisting his previously hidden carnal desires towards his tag team partner, but he also didn’t want to be weird about it.
People already thought they were dating, but in truth, they were not dating. They were just cuddling to sleep every night like two teenagers who kept their hands above their duvet covers. It was, all in all, sickeningly innocent.
But Hook didn’t seem to mind much, and he was definitely holding back on what he really wanted from the demon. His hand did slip occasionally to stroke Danhausen’s thigh or side as they kissed, but it was almost like the soulbond made relations between them too potent for anything more. Every sensation zinged back and forward between them, creating a loop that was very fun and good indeed, but in different situations could be very painful and awful, such as during a wrestling match.
They hadn’t quite got used to it.
But there were other problems, too. Hook still seemed to pine after Danhausen. Danhausen knew this, because of Hook’s bedroom eyes, which were now location non-specific and seemed to happen everywhere and anywhere with wild abandon. Hook didn’t speak a lot - the fact he spoke to Danhausen at all seemed like an enormous accomplishment - but he certainly didn't talk to Danhausen about feelings.
Danhausen had another secret. Unlike most demons, he was particular to monogamy. So if Hook was to keep doing his bedroom eyes all over the place, and they were already suffering the consequences of dust from outer space making them act irresponsibly and thus end up soulbonded, they might as well make it official.
Yet in deciding this, Danhausen felt strangely nervous.
“You’ve been really quiet today,” Hook said, looking at Danhausen over their post-work out meal.
“Danhausen has had a lot to think about.”
Hook raised an eye brow. “About what?”
“All this soulbondinghausen. Sharing the bed with Hook. The pretend relationship where all the people must come tell Danhausen how they think Danhausen and Hook look very cute together. It is a lot.”
Hook blinked. “So does this mean – you wanna stop?”
“Stop what? Danhausen doesn’t want to stop anything,” Danhausen said, hopefully assuringly. “Besides, such things are not possible. What with the soulbonding.”
“Of course.” Hook looked down at his plate.
“Danhausen wants to make the fake pretend relationship go away.”
Hook said nothing.
Danhausen had a distinct feeling this conversation was not going the way he wanted. He pushed through regardless.
“Here,” he said, giving Hook a bag of chips.
“Thanks?” Hook said, his brow furrowed. “What’s this for?”
“Danhausen read it is best to give something when making this ask. Hook doesn’t wear rings, so Danhausen thought this might work.”
Hook took the bag, hesitantly. “This is a proposal?”
“Ah, that’s the word. Danhausen forgot it. Danhausen hopes Hook doesn't misunderstand. Danhausen doesn’t want a wedding and all that. Suits are for lawyers and Danhausen doesn’t look that good in white.”
Hook opened the bag and gestured it toward Danhausen. “I guess we’re soulbonded anyway. What do they call boyfriends in demon folklore?”
Danhausen took a chip. “Just boyfriends, probably.”
Outside of the restaurant, Hook pulled Danhausen in for a kiss, and Danhausen felt the sensation of bliss in double, as the feelings passed back and forth between them, until they parted for a moment and then dove back in for more.
It was a good proposal, all in all.