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Tarou sat up.
He was so panicked for a moment that he couldn’t really think about anything; much less where he was or what had happened. His heart was racing, head pounding, and he struggled for breath. He was faintly aware of music, and people around him. None of it meant anything when his chest was so tight, he couldn’t even breathe.
“Does lying kill you?” said someone behind him.
Shinichi Saruhara, that was right. Tarou was at Café Donbura, and Saruhara and the others had been trying to teach him to lie. He’d tried, but he just couldn’t do it. This wasn’t even the first time that had happened to him. As far as he could remember, it had been in elementary school, when his classmates tried to get him to lie. Just like today, he'd lost consciousness and woken up feeling horrible. Jin had been called to the school, and the next day, he’d let Tarou stay at home and taken care of him. Tarou didn’t think about Jin any more.
He still felt shaky and vulnerable hours later, when he finished his shift at Donbura. Haruka offered to walk home with him, and he had to tell her he didn’t want to. Her expression changed into something he didn’t quite understand but had seen enough times to know that she was hurt. That only made him feel worse. It hadn’t been his intention to upset her, either now or when she had invited him to dinner. He just couldn’t lie to her; she wasn’t a very good cook. He could have showed her the right way to make beef stroganoff, but she got annoyed with him and wouldn't listen.
Tarou hadn’t wanted anything bad to happen to Tsubasa Inuzuka, either. It was just that when someone asked him a question, he couldn’t keep himself from answering honestly. He didn’t see the point in lying anyway. Tarou knew that other people didn’t think the way he did, and that made him uneasy. He didn’t mean to hurt the other Donbrothers, and they hadn’t meant to hurt him. But they had.
It felt like an impossible situation. Tarou didn’t understand how other people thought, and they didn’t understand him. That was just the way things had to be. They had been that way all his life, and it was unlikely to change. Was that really true, though? There was indeed someone who seemed to understand him. In fact, the figure of the man just ahead of him was familiar -
“Is something wrong?” Tarou called out.
The other man turned around, his too-blue eyes focused on Tarou now, “It’s you.”
Tarou smiled for the first time that day and said, “The truth is, I hoped I’d run into you.”
***
“The moon is more trustworthy than the sun. Because you can keep an eye on it.”
While Tarou still didn’t quite follow, it seemed logical. He could accept it, “I see. Well said.”
They looked out over the water together. Another thing Tarou liked about this person was that he was perfectly content to be silent sometimes; he didn’t feel the need to constantly chatter. Tarou could have quite happily spent the rest of the evening that way but after a while, his companion said, “I don’t want to lie to you, either.”
“Oh?” Tarou wasn’t sure what there would be to lie about, although he did appreciate honesty. If nothing else, it was just easier on him.
“You’ve been on my mind ever since we first met.”
“That’s OK,” said Tarou. “I think about you too.” It was strange, but this man wouldn’t leave Tarou’s thoughts. It wasn’t only because of the way he dressed or spoke. He seemed to be the only person Tarou had ever met that had been on his wavelength. Jin had loved Tarou and accommodated him, but he still couldn’t see things the way Tarou did. Tarou pushed Jin to the back of his mind once again.
“Well, then … I hope it’s not out of place to say that I believe I could develop strong feelings for you.” The other man paused, “You understand, don’t you?”
“….. Yes,” said Tarou, wishing he didn’t. That was the last thing he had expected to hear. He felt a connection to this guy, for sure, but they had only just met. They didn’t even know each other’s names.
His new friend took hold of Tarou’s hands, “Do you feel it too?”
Tarou’s face began to grow warm. He didn’t want to answer that question, because it was kind of embarrassing; but it wasn’t like he had a choice. He replied instantly, “I’m not sure. I think you’re attractive, and we have a connection, but I don’t really know you.”
The other man smiled at him and said “I like your honesty. But it’s perfectly fine. We’ll get to know each other better, won’t we?”
Tarou nodded. He didn’t quite trust himself to say anything else.
“Then, may I ask for one more thing?” the other man said.
“I suppose so?” said Tarou.
The man leaned forward. Tarou opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but before he could speak, his new friend’s lips were covering his own.
They kissed until they needed to break for oxygen, and Tarou said, “You’re doing that wrong.” Not badly, just awkwardly and wrong. It had been Tarou's first kiss, yet he still knew instinctively how it should be done, and that was not the way.
“Am I?” The other man smiled, “Perhaps you could teach me how.”
Tarou swallowed, “It’s fine. I still liked it. But … I don’t want to do that now. I don’t know you.”
“I think you know me a little more than you did. Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” said Tarou, and he meant it.
“There are beautiful lies, but I find truth the most appealing,” said the other man. “It’s why I find you beautiful.”
Tarou’s lips were tingling; and in a way, he would have liked to kiss again. At the same time, he didn’t want to be so intimate with someone who was still effectively a stranger. He reached for his friend and allowed himself to be pulled close, the man stroking Tarou's hair and gently murmuring things that didn’t make much sense. They sounded comforting, though, and that was all Tarou needed.
***
You are my hope.
“You are my despair.”
You’re fine the way you are.
“Get away from me.”
“You …!” was the only word Tarou could manage before his consciousness failed him.
The very last thought he would ever have was that Sonoi was right: Tarou’s honesty had been the end of him.