Archive of Our Own

1. babies don't know anything. all they do is cry

Oikawa's plans that lovely Saturday morning involved him hanging out to play volleyball with boys his own age, and only boys his own age. This definitely did not include younger family members. But Tobio had come to Iwaizumi crying that Kindaichi didn’t like him anymore, so Iwa with his golden heart had let Tobio join them. 

‘Let’s have a break!’ Iwaizumi called out. 

Now if only Oikawa could get a break from his brother for a second. No, stop thinking mean thoughts, Tooru. So what if Tobio hung out with his friends just this once? It was fine. Oikawa could have him around. 

But the weather was dangerously warm and Oikawa's insides boiled. The other boys followed Iwaizumi to go to the vendor which was tiny in the distance. 

Now alone, Oikawa turned to Tobio, 'Tobio. You need to find different friends, different people who will care a lot about you. Don't hang around with people just because they actually let you play. And make sure that they're your age, not boys who are my friends and my age.'

It was useless. Although Tobio hung his head and he nodded, Oikawa knew Tobio didn't actually understand. Why didn't Tobio look into his eyes and tell him that he was sorry??  

Oikawa closed his eyes and sat on the opposite bench, trying to control his breathing, his heart pulsing against his neck. A faint but intensifying sound distracted his focus.

From where Tobio had being sitting, Oikawa heard a wailing sound, like it was coming from a baby. Oikawa snapped his eyes open, and screeched.

The baby on the bench stared at Oikawa. The baby’s lips quivered then he wailed even more. Oikawa didn’t think, he just knew that Iwaizumi would kill him if he saw Tobio transformed into a baby.

Nobody else would suspect Oikawa, that would be nonsense, right? 

But Iwaizumi knew about the weird things that happened whenever Oikawa got angry at people. Iwaizumi would think he did it on purpose, but Oikawa really had tried to stop his thoughts. Honest.

Tobio was small enough to fit in his jacket with a lump barely showing. Oikawa kept patting at the lump and whispering so it wouldn’t cry again.

Blueberry milk, that’s what had worked in the past, and hopefully would work this time. He found some in his fridge at home, thank goodness, and poured it into the baby bottle. Baby Tobio drank from the bottle and Oikawa stared at him. Nothing changed but Tobio sure looked like he was enjoying his drink. 

‘Tooru?’ his mother came in, ‘is that someone’s baby , and are they drinking blueberry milk? They can get sick!’

‘I can explain. This is Tobio, last time he became a baby and when he drank blueberry milk he came back to normal. This time I thought the same thing would work again.’

‘Oh my goodness, what?? Oh, it is Tobio for sure! I can’t believe my eyes.’

‘What should I do?’ asked Oikawa.

'If the same thing from before isn’t working…'

Just then Oikawa’s phone rang. He would have to answer sooner or later.

‘Oikawa, where did you go? Where is Tobio, and why is he not answering any of my calls?’

‘He's fine!'

'Yes, but where is he?'

'We’re just catching up, so forget about it, okay. He’s busy.’

‘…Really? O-okay fine.’

Tobio’s stomach grumbled and Oikawa quickly said bye and ended the call, afraid that Tobio would say something or fart or cry and somehow Iwaizumi would recognise it was Tobio as a baby.

Oikawa groaned at Tobio’s blobby figure. Tobio’s cute, no, ugly, stinky version of himself that was worse than even his stinky fifteen-year-old self. 

Stupid overprotective Iwaizumi. Anyway, why did Tobio like Iwaizumi? When Tobio needed homework help during elementary and middle school, it was Iwaizumi he would always go ask. Which Oikawa was willing to give to anyone. He literally helped twenty girls with homework the past year. He literally helped the Great Iwaizumi himself every day of his life!

But when Tobio wanted to learn how to serve better, as if he needed to serve better , he annoyed the shit out of Oikawa.

‘Idiot child who hates me,' muttered Oikawa, unknown to him his mother overheard him and frowned. They both went in the car to Tobio’s house. 

‘Hello Miwa-san,’ Oikawa bowed, ‘I have terrible news about our brother.’

‘Hello, Tooru. Not to be impolite, but it’s always bad news, isn’t it?’

Oikawa reddened, ‘yeah. He turned into this slimy creature. But, I really couldn’t control my magic. I don’t know how it happened. Just like last time.' 

Miwa wasn't entirely convinced.

'He'll be fine, I promise!' said Oikawa.

'Give him to me.'

He pressed his lips together as he handed her Tobio who was dressed in one of Taru's old clothes. Miwa slammed a palm on her forehead. Oikawa exchanged a look with his mother.

'It's a busy week for me so I'm going to have a lot of clients.'

She looks at Oikawa’s mother with pleading eyes. ‘Can you please look after him for a week or so? I can pay you. I don’t know many people, and Tobio would be comfortable with you.'

‘I’d be honoured, and I’m sure Taru, my granddaughter, will also love a friend until we sort out how to get him back to his age.’

Miwa mentioned she will tell everyone that her brother was on a holiday island for a while and they agreed on a holiday island.

Today was a holiday and he would ignore his brother turning into a baby. The moment he got back home, Oikawa got dressed, excited to spend the rest of his Saturday with his friends including Iwaizumi. He’d let his mother take care of the tiny blob while he went out. 

At midnight, Oikawa came home cheerful and ready to crash in his bed, but instead he is greeted by Tobio’s blaring screams. His mother sat in her bedroom, her eyes surrounded with the darkest circles possible.

'I don't know how we can solve this now honey. But we'll deal with this soon enough. He’s been crying like this on and off all day.’

‘Mum, let me take care of him.’

‘At midnight? Honey, he’s going to stop eventually, in like an hour or so.’

‘I can stay up another hour. This will be my turn to look after him, then you can look after him next week because I promised my friends I'll be going out with them every day.'

‘So that’s why. If you can do this, you should have fun with your friends.’

Oikawa strapped Tobio onto the baby swing. Babies loved baby swings. He switched on his phone to watch some volleyball while his foot tapped the swing chair lightly to get Tobio to fall asleep.

When he woke up on the same spot on the floor, he immediately felt dread. His mother’s face full of disappointment answered all his questions.

‘You let Tobio fall asleep on the swing chair. Tooru, you know that’s dangerous.’

'He was quiet that way.'

'I know, Tooru. Babies love the baby swing. But that doesn't mean it's always safe for them. You need to give your full attention to look after a baby properly.'

‘Sorry,’ he whispered.

‘I wish you were more concerned.’

He was so tired that he fell asleep the moment he turned on his side.

-

Oikawa had a much needed sleep on Saturday night and woke up at Sunday noon to a babbling sound. A sound he loved beyond explanation because it was like the gurgling of a waterfall and the soft thumping of drums that was musical to his ears.

'Taru!' He called and jumped out of his bed. One of his eyes was still shut.

Taru screamed as she dodged and laughed at him from a safe distance before continuing on her journey.

So who was this fluffy bundle in his hands?

'Tobio!' said Oikawa in an angry huff, pulling Tobio's clutchy fingers off him. He held him as far away as he could and carried him to the living room where his mother was potting a few flowers that she’d brought from outside.

Ms Oikawa cackled at seeing her older son struggle with her younger son. Oikawa kind of saw the humour in the situation before he noticed something else.

'Mum, why is he wearing my old alien onesie?'

'He looks adorable, honey, so I wanted to take some nostalgic pictures. Which makes me think, you kids are like cute little saplings as babies, but then after that you grow like weeds, you know?' joked Ms Oikawa.

Oikawa got some napkins and wiped Tobio's drool with a grossed out look on his face.

'I'm the plant, you're the useless weed,' Oikawa said to Tobio. He was very clearly annoyed.

Ms Oikawa squished both son's cheeks, 'I'm just kidding, you're both the flowers of my world. Can you tuck him onto the high chair for me, Tooru?'

Oikawa paused, his eyes scanning baby Tobio with worry, 'he's going to spill on my onesie as he eats...'

His mother's smile drops. She sighs, 'Then change him.'

Feeling stupid that he annoyed his mother but still frustrated about the situation, Oikawa took him to his parents bedroom. 

He changed him and hardly looked away before he noticed Tobio's next antic, it made him so angry that Tobio was biting his ball that was signed by Jose Blanco. He grabbed the ball and ran to the kitchen to find a tissue to wipe the drool off. At the raise of a questioning eyebrow he showed her, 'Mum look!' 

'So cute! Looks like he's teething.'

'On my signed volleyball.'

As usual his mother didn't see the problem. It was too much to explain.

'You better not have – good.' Tobio was idly leaning down and reaching for his toes. Nothing more was amuck in Oikawa’s room yet.

Oikawa held his childhood alien onesie protectively. It was the one he wore in many of his childhood pictures. 

Oikawa always felt calmer looking through his old pictures of him and Iwaizumi. He slid out the picture of him and Iwaizumi as children wearing their onesies. 

He decided he wanted to reminisce some more so wanted to look for more pictures in his parents room. He caught Tobio before he front flipped and fell on his head. They both went into the parents room. Oikawa was surprised he could reach the top shelf by only standing on his tiptoes because the last time he tried getting anything from his mother's room he needed a chair. He grabbed the next few albums and sat on the queen sized bed. Oikawa wished Tobio would go to sleep or something. Maybe he should go looking for the second baby seat, wherever it was.

'Stupid Tobio-chan,' Oikawa poked his stomach. He was just a baby, he didn't know what was happening around him, yet babies got all the attention. 

'Stupy Oikawa-san!'

Oikawa blinked and stared at Tobio. How was he speaking? Did he speak at all from before? And what did 'Stupy' mean? He was calling him stupid, wasn't he?

'Miwa!' Tobio said, his pudgy finger on his sister. That distracted Oikawa’s chain of thought.

'Right, those are our sisters. This is when we are a bit older. See, me and Iwaizumi when we were in second year elementary and you as your correct age.'

His mother walked in, 'Were you talking to me, Tooru?' 

‘No, Tobio just said his first word.’

‘I remember his first word,’ his mother said with a chuckle, ‘he said Stupyhead! and then just kept repeating it over and over to anyone he saw. You were always around him back then, and such a bad influence. I loved taking photos of the two of you. We’ve also got a ton of you with Hajime, have you seen them? I think there are some photo frames up there too.’

Oikawa got a stool to properly look at the top shelf. He notices a series of photo frames and collects them. One of the photo frames has a picture of him again in the alien onesie.

'Alien,' said Tobio.

Oikawa brought the frame to see it closer. Iwaizumi isn’t in this picture. It’s just him and Tobio. Another one with Oikawa in his alien outfit.

Tobio in the exact same…

Tobio in the exact same alien outfit.

An angry fire burst out in Oikawa’s lungs. He looked up at his mother.

'Why is he wearing the exact same onesie?'

'Are we really still on about this Tooru?'

She looked at the photo curiously. Then she awwed, 'Oh yeah, I remember that picture now!'

Oikawa dragged himself to his own bedroom then fell limply onto his bed. He prayed sincerely that when he woke up in the morning Tobio was back to his own age. Ugh , he thought, he couldn't stand Tobio being in his house for another day. It was making his mother weird. He was going to solve this mess immediately if it wasn't already solved. It better be solved or god help him –

He tosses and turns in his sleep. He enters the dream zone, his senses blurred by a bitter fragment of his mind.

Through barely hidden tears, Oikawa notices Tobio skipping towards him with a volleyball.

Oikawa doesn't want to talk to anyone. Everyone understands that now. Everyone except someone who is supposedly his brother, but never ever bothers to give him space.

For not the first time, Oikawa feels his body become aflame. He feels his fingers tremble.

He wants to punch Tobio, get rid of his stupid smile, but Iwaizumi catches his arm.

It doesn't stop the throbbing in his blood altogether. They both watch alarmed as Tobio holds his hands to his face, a red mark on his face as if he had gotten punched anyway.

Oikawa wakes up in a sweat. Because back then he had two thoughts when he was jealous of Tobio.

The first thought was he wanted to punch Tobio so bad, and it was horrible but it was the better outcome.

The second thought had been worse. He couldn't bear Tobio’s presence but even then he was afraid of having to fake liking Tobio for the rest of his life, which was unfair for both of them. He had been horrified at his thoughts that told him that everyone else was worthless, starting with Tobio. He had been afraid of that little voice boiling at the surface of his mind. Tobio had cried, and Oikawa’s hands had been still too shaky so he walked off. Even if he wasn't in shock he couldn't trust himself to do anything else. 

But that was back then.

Oikawa snatched his alien onesie out of Tobio’s hands. Well, sure, it was probably Tobio’s after all, but he didn't deserve it. This alien onesie was way more likely to belong to him, he thought, giving a short glare in Tobio’s direction then carrying him in the baby chair downstairs, discarding him on the living room floor in his mother's sight.

-

‘Get some rest, mum.’

‘Not until my little droplet does.’

'He's still screaming?'

'Not screaming. He keeps needing a diaper change. Isn't that right, my little poopy cutie?'

Oikawa groaned at the nicknames, his mother was obsessed. For now he had enough of what was happening in his house so just said bye and left.

Oikawa could only breathe a sigh once he sat with his friends. Iwaizumi’s mug clinked on his when he reached for it. Iwaizumi looked grim through the glass of the mug, 'Kindaichi came asking about Tobio.'

'He's been texting me too.' 

'He's upset. He looks like he wants to apologise to Tobio, doesn't he?'

'He could just text Tobio directly, couldn't he?' Oikawa chirped breezily like it didn't matter to him, 'so why doesn't he? Next year they're most likely coming to Seijoh with us, and if they're still petty fighting, they'll both be forced to sit out. Which would be a shame and a waste of talent.'

Iwaizumi considered this uncomfortably, 'I really hope not. Tobio hasn't yet applied to Seijoh and I'm worried that it's because of them fighting.'

'Oh, please, don't worry about that. Of course Tobio is coming to Seijoh. Or he's going to Shiratorizawa which, good for him.'

The bitterness in his voice surprised them both. The bitterness which always made his heart clench with guilt.

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow, 'Oikawa, are you okay nowadays. Every time you get really angry, your...thing, magic thing...'

Oikawa cleared his throat and laughed, acting over cautious about his surroundings even though nobody was looking in their direction. Iwaizumi slitted his eyes. Oikawa realised he wasn't letting his question go even though they were around others. He also dropped his voice to a whisper, 'I'm fine. The magic hasn't affected me in years. I've grown out of it Iwa chan.'

When he got home, his mother looked exhausted. She had dark circles etched onto her face and a paleness on her skin. She tried to brush it off when he tried to talk to her, but he couldn't help but feel bad for his mother. He hoped that Tobio would finally settle and and quiet down so their mother could finally sleep and hopefully feel better.

-

Oikawa felt calm when he thought about his teammates and volleyball. He was on his merry way to a fun day out in Tokyo, when who else but Tobio could ruin such a perfect morning? He was screaming murder, his cries were blaring, his body rolling on the couch. Oikawa freaked out rushing to catch and calm down baby Tobio.

Tobio only screamed louder when he put the pacifier in his mouth like he was being hurt or some other baby logic.

'Shut up!' Oikawa snarled. Tobio stopped screaming. But this only lasted ten seconds before he continued wailing.

'Mum,' Oikawa tried to find his mother urgently but he was too afraid to talk loudly. His mother sleeping in her bedroom made Oikawa’s heart drop like a stone. Tobio’s screeching went on as Oikawa clenched his face as he stared into his mother’s bedroom, as if into the pits of his darkest fury. Why did it have to be him who looked after Tobio? Why was Tobio being so difficult lately?

I hope you freaking die.

Oikawa’s fingers trembled, he didn't mean it, he didn't mean to have these thoughts. His mother was too tired, she had been looking after Tobio all of Saturday and Monday and hadn't slept a wink for two nights straight. He might have been forgetful on Saturday which forced her to stay up all night, but he should have checked up on her, should have offered to look after Tobio a bit, so now it was his own fault. He started making breakfast for the screeching boy.

Whack . Tobio thumped him on the head as punishment for being a bad servant or something. Tobio's slap on his face actually hurt for a chubby blob as he tried to unbuckle him from the baby high chair. Oikawa angled his face so he couldn't get slapped again. He already had food thrown all over his face and shirt and had slipped once on the baby milk that Tobio had unceremoniously poured on the tiles. 

Every time Oikawa spoke, Tobio either burst in tears or started screaming. Oikawa wasn't sure what about his voice this baby creature hated so much, was it the pitch? Was his voice annoying somehow? Oikawa sucked his lips internally, this situation was ridiculous. But he literally couldn't say anything and he had to get Tobio to someone else so that he could get him off his hands. 

Tobio's diaper wasn't full. He had just eaten, if you count him finishing just half his plate then using the leftovers as missiles as eating. He had mercilessly sucked the life out of his baby bottle before tipping the second refill onto the ground, and he gnawed at his princess clothes a little but seemed content enough with wearing it. He should be content. Oikawa had already changed him into three sets of clothes before this one. There was no option other than putting him in something pink, Taru's favourite colour, otherwise people might question if the baby was Taru. Yes the baby is Taru. 

Oikawa covered Tobio’s ears with earmuffs and slipped on the hoodie. The train was calm enough that Tobio didn't complain.

Oikawa walked to Miwa's work. The sign on the glass that said 'closed' and in smaller writing underneath said ‘ladies only’ was pink against an entirely black glass construction. They watched Miwa leave the salon to flip the sign around. Oikawa hoped nobody came yet but even if they did, surely when she saw her brother she would see how important the situation is. He'd have to figure something out for another day but now he was desperate. Tokyo with the boys was waiting for him! She noticed and ran towards him.

'Tobio needs someone to look after him. I planned to do so much today.'

'Okay. I have a friend who I can trust to look after him for a day.'

Oikawa took the address. Before she left, Miwa stopped to smooch her brother’s face, 'aw you little dumpling you. It's Miwa, your sister. Don't you know me?'

Tobio puckered his lips to copy her. Oikawa had rarely seen Miwa smile with so much tenderness.

'He used to always copy anything a person did,' said Miwa, 'he's very like that. Impressionable. Only with people who he's close to, of course.'

2. toddlers are just bigger babies

Oikawa expected to take responsibility. If he was going to be out all day, he might as well be free for his mother in the evenings and at night. When Oikawa comes home in the evening, it's his mother who greets him. She was wearing a beautiful red dress and the brightest red lipstick, and left with a warning – 'Keep Tobio next to you at all times.'

Oikawa held Tobio and handed him a squishy toy. Tobio immediately threw the toy down. Tobio is satisfied with nibbling at the collar of his shirt. Oikawa lets him plop onto the ground near his futon.

'Oh yay, it's Tobio, the highlight of my day. I drove you in the morning, we saw your favourite Miwa, I was late to meet Iwa last time, now Iwa and the others are on a fucking yacht without me. Yet here I am, all in the name of brotherly love. And now, isn't this exciting? Looks like you're following me everywhere I go for the rest of the night. If I need to go to the toilet, you come with me. If I have a bath you come in the tub with me. How fun. Because that's what real "brothers" do. Well frick, looks like I actually need to go. Don't move from your spot Tobio.'

At his return he found his volleyball journal on the floor. Tobio’s clutchy fingers were folding in the paper. He must have snatched that from under the desk.

Oikawa clears his throat, 'you're curious about what I wrote in my secret volleyball journal. Hm, let's see. Here is where I wrote: Nobody likes Tobio in the entire world! The end.'

On instinct at seeing Tobio’s snotty nose, Oikawa lifts little Tobio onto his chest and wipes out his nose. He puts round mittens on Tobio’s hand, 'no more touching everything.' He let Tobio on his lap. The mittens didn't stop Tobio from attempting to reach for the book though, although Oikawa swept the book out of the way each time.

'Oh look, what a fun reminder that Tobio is on this page too. It says here that Tobio thinks he's the best at volleyball but really he just trips all the time.'

Oikawa turns the page to his carefully written thoughts on why the ball sometimes goes in the wrong direction. He tries to shake off the memory. 

Out of all things, his worst struggle back then was when he spun the ball right off the court. Sure, he had excelled at his serving by third year elementary, but that was after botching his serves way too many times. Yet some people spoke to him like he was born that way. It wasn't just Tobio, it was so many people, and he knew at the back of his head he should accept it as a compliment, but he wasn't Tobio, he didn't pick things up easily like Tobio did. He shouldn't think too much about it, or else he would be bitter. He cleared his throat.

'Oh look, on this page it is where I talk about how much I can’t stand your face.' He booped Tobio’s nose. His condescension probably didn't shine through enough because Tobio smiled at him and made his cheeks into a kissy face, like he did with Miwa before.

'Not cute, Tobio.' 

Oikawa shifted Tobio away so he wouldn't get his kissy breath right near his ear. He turned his volleyball journal to the next page. 

Here was his 'words of gratitude' page. Ugh, this page was so cringe he would rip it out if it weren't for the photo of Jose Blanco stuck on the reverse side. The sentimental feeling of pride for Jose Blanco barely had time to take root inside of him because he knew what was on the next page. His list of correct foods to eat to stay fit. Even though he ate lots, eating itself didn't make him better at volleyball.

'Lots of protein, vitamins, calcium,Tobio, what else?'

Tobio surprised Oikawa with a peck on the cheek.

'Yucky. Don't do that again.'

-

Looking after his nephew for eight years and his niece for two, Oikawa still didn't know what to expect in the mornings. A three year old kid clinging to his leg and saying 'I love you Kawawa' he definitely did not expect.

'Oh. God. You grew like a bamboo. What on earth happened?'

'Mum gave me a milk bottle,' said Tobio.

'Oh. Milk. That's right, you're old enough to drink regular milk. Come here little Tobio,' he fake smiled, 'let's drink some yummy milk.' Oikawa blended blueberries with milk and poured him a cup. Tobio turned the cup around with a smile before he slurped up the drink, and the moment Oikawa noticed the drink dribble out of his mouth he got a straw. He might be a prodigy, but when drinking he was just as clumsy as Taru. 

Oikawa refilled his glass and half watched him. Tobio was just as eager. He slurped the second cup right up and gave it for a refill. Tobio took a sip from this third cup but then sighed and put the cup down. He rubbed his stomach in agony.

Oikawa huffed. He was hoping to force Tobio to drink more blueberry milk, but looked like that would have to wait.

'Buh-buh, Kawawa!' waved Tobio to Oikawa watching him leave.

'Get back inside, Tobio, and stay inside,' Oikawa warned him, double locking the door after himself.

-

Tobio was in his room when he got home, which startled Oikawa more than a bit. Tobio was distracted so Oikawa quickly changed before he checked what Tobio was looking at. He opened his door.

'Uh, Mum?'

'Yes?' 

'How do we still have our old picture books?'

Oikawa was confused. Tobio was sliding a pop up picture book towards him. 

She didn’t know but Tobio told him where he got it from.

‘What do you mean you got it from under your bed?’ Oikawa was sure he had cleared up the guestroom the day before.

Tobio held Oikawa’s fingers and dragged him towards the guest bedroom. 

‘You made a mess with Takeru’s toys,’ said Oikawa, ‘this is probably his, or Taru’s,’ continued Oikawa but he was unsure.

Tobio pulled Oikawa’s shirt and ran to his room. 

‘Look, I want to read my novel. You can have this picture book if you want, do whatever.’

Tobio took that literally. He forgot about his storybook and bounced on Oikawa’s bed. He emptied out his pencil case and chewed his rubbers. He tried to open his fridge but it was strapped shut. Oikawa read a few pages then texted Iwaizumi to check if he could come over. Tobio gripped Oikawa’s phone.

‘Is this going to make you go quiet?’ asked Oikawa. He put on an old volleyball match and let Tobio watch it while he continued his novel. 

Oikawa didn’t notice just how wide the smile was on Tobio’s face. It was only when he was done with the novel that he noticed Tobio no longer in his room. The commentator was talking about Jose Blanco and a notification pinged of a message from Iwaizumi that he was bored and to come over. Oikawa switched his phone off without checking his phone screen, and went to bed.

3. children need attention. all the attention. 

Tobio held a vabo chan plush and squeezed it and it made a squeaky sound. He wasn't smiling. He held a book upside down and frowned that he couldn't understand it. He saw Oikawa do this yesterday, but still had no idea what a book was for if it didn't have any pictures.

He was sad that he couldn't reach any of the toys in Oikawa’s bedroom, they were too high for him. 

Oikawa tied his shoelaces at the door then walked back into the house to peer out at the backyard. Tobio slouched on the small stairs, picking at the tufts of grass poking out from a corner.

'Where are you going Oikawa-san?' asked Tobio as Oikawa brought a measuring tape and measured him.

'Theme park.'

'Can I come with you? I want to go on the rides. See, I’m wayyy taller than what I was yesterday.'

Oikawa did a double take as he properly looked at Tobio, then managed to splutter, 'Maybe when you're bigger.'

'I'm already big. I'm so much taller than yesterday.'

'I can see that. Do you feel dizzy? Can you read the time from here?'

‘What?’

'Nevermind. Think quick.'

Tobio snatched the apple that Oikawa had flung in his direction.

'Okay. Now balance on one foot for ten seconds.'

After ten seconds Tobio said, 'I passed the test! So can I come with you to the theme park?'

'Oh goodness, that wasn't what the test was for. Here, you sooky baby,' Oikawa grabbed his slightly crooked volleyball which he would have thrown out if it wasn't a gift from Iwaizumi when they were kids, 'this is the only volleyball you're allowed to play with. Touch any of the others and you're toast.'

'Toast?'

'I mean you're dead. So don't do it.'

Tobio’s eyes shone and he bounced the volleyball.

'Thank you,' he said in a shy voice.

'Mmm.'

-

‘Watch me Oikawa-san,' said Tobio. He was juggling a ball between his forearm and palms. Pass, followed by receive. Each hit perfect each time. 

Tobio leapt to receive the ball but before his right hand made contact with the ball his shoe skidded and his knees crashed on the rough mud. 

Tobio hobbled towards Oikawa, eyes teary and downcast.

Their mother rushed outside.

'It's okay, honey. Come here, I'll give you a bandaid. Let's take off your shoes,' their mother told him gently. She led him to the bathroom patting him as he sobbed.

Oikawa investigated the place Tobio fell. Was it the magic again? Ever since noticing that his anger affected things around him, he'd been curious about what the magic actually looked like. Could he remove it somehow? Why was it even there? Because his magic only affected things in a negative way, he was convinced he was a bad kid. He wasn't ever able to regret thinking about something, because when he looked up it already happened all on its own. Okay so it usually gave him a slight feeling of enjoyment seeing his thoughts happen on their own without him doing a thing, but sometimes the magic did things which really frightened him.

That was why he thought he was a bit of a freak. And that nobody else should ever find out about his magic.

Tobio had a bandaid on one knee when he came to his room. 

'He's been hyper all day since the moment you handed him the volleyball. But he did have lots of fun today so thank you for letting him use your toys, Tooru.' His mother smiled brightly at him.

'Do you think it was the magic that made him fall just now?' said Oikawa.

'He's little, tripping happens all the time at this age. I'm sure it wasn't your magic.'

Oikawa’s body relaxed a little and Tobio’s attempt at shifting Oikawa’s arm around him and onto his shoulder was finally successful. 

'Another picture book?' said Oikawa in surprise, 'well if you really want me to read.'

'There once was a little ladybug…' started Oikawa. 

Tobio leaned into him, his breaths steady and cool. Oikawa thought he had fallen asleep on him but Tobio sat up when the book was closed.

Tobio opened the book again and touched the pop ups. 

Their mother came in to check up on them.

She hummed at the lovely sight, 'I should have thought of getting him a picture book from before. He was really energetic, you had to see it to believe it. He was eating so much too.'

'Yeah, I saw the fridge, all the leftovers were gone. Luckily nothing out of my fridge was gone.'

'Maybe because you frightened him.'

'Imagine the mess if I hadn't.'

'I cleaned the mess. Like I always do. Messes don't disappear on their own, Tooru.' She closed the door and left.

'Yup,' said Oikawa, 'messy little git.'

Whatever, you tiny blueberry, come here.

He fell on his back and held Tobio above him. 

'On the first few days, you hardly grew any taller. And now for two days straight you've just been shooting upwards. What is it, Tobio? You drank more milk?'

Tobio shook his head.

'Whatever it is. Sleepy time for you, then.'

He pulled him next to him on the futon. Oikawa closed his eyes to get Tobio to copy him and fall asleep. Tobio looked adorable as a baby, reminding him of his nephew and niece. Maybe he should spend more time with them. When he thought Tobio had dozed off, he kissed him on his cheek. He thought he should move Tobio to his own bed but before he knew it, his exhausted body hummed. A minute later and Tobio also settled into slumber.

-

Every Friday afternoon gave off a familiar happy exhaustion, even though it was the holidays. This time he also had a mission. If Tobio drank more milk than he usually did, his growth might speed up even faster. He apologised to Iwaizumi that he was too busy for a sleepover and rushed into his house.

'Did you drink all your milk?' Oikawa poked his head into the garage. Tobio just barely caught the volleyball, 'You're taller? Already? You're almost Takeru's age now! Oh my goodness Tobio.'

Oikawa carried Tobio up and spun him around.

'Ahhh, I'm getting dizzy, Oikawa-san, please put me down. Yes, there was about two full bottles in the fridge.'

'Did you drink Taru's milk?'

'No, why would I drink Taru's milk?'

Oikawa mocked his voice. There was the tiniest smile playing on his lips. Tobio might have been a prodigy but he was simply the dumbest child he'd ever met.

Tobio became serious and confused, 'your mum gave me it. I didn't know it was yours.'

He did not catch that joke at all. Oikawa had to suppress a laugh.

'Tooru! Come here!'

Oikawa flinched and strode to his mother.

'How old are you now?'

'Seventeen.'

'Then act like your age. You're influencing him.'

'Ew ew ew, I don't want to influence anybody.'

'Apologise to him. Properly.'

Oikawa sighed and went back to Tobio, 'sorry for blaming you for drinking the milk.'

Tobio's eyebrows were on his forehead in confusion, 'okay, but am I allowed to drink milk? You're the one who said to drink a lot, remember?'

'Yes, yes, drink lots of milk so that you get bigger. Just make sure it's not Taru's.'

'Why would I drink Taru's milk?' A confused frown was on Tobio’s face, 'I'm not a baby. I'm not going to drink baby milk.'

'That was the whole point of the joke, that you are a baby.'

Whether Tobio let him hold him or whether he simply didn't have a choice, even Tobio didn't know. He was taken to the kitchen and was sat on the counter.

'What are your favourite flavours, Tobio?'

Their mother watched them quizzically. 

'Test batch one!'

Test batch one was special, like a gift, a special moment even, and Tobio felt like Oikawa was the kindest brother ever to make him banana milk. Test batch five was…not so good. He vomited a bit in his mouth and it mingled with a flavour he wasn't too certain belonged in milk.

'It's just this flavour that you hate,' Oikawa said, 'if you drink the mango one I'll give you my volleyball keyring.'

Tobio perked up, 'okay but in a while.'

After an hour Oikawa was lounging on his bed.

Tobio drank the milk in front of him and caught the keyring in his hand. 

'Fill another cup.'

When he did, Oikawa told him to drink it.

'Oikawa, I don't feel good.'

'Mm sure you don't. You can choose anything of mine from my fridge if you want, if you drink just one more large cup,’ promised Oikawa.

Tobio smiled brightly and swigged the entire cup. He ran to the fridge and took a munch from the milk bread and jumped on Oikawa, ‘thank you, you’re so kind.’

‘Even kinder than Iwa chan?’

‘Yes! The kindest!’

Oikawa was put off by Tobio burping in his face, but sacrifices had to be made.

-

Tobio didn't grow significantly older overnight, so Oikawa fumed in silence.

Usually, Oikawa looked forward to the weekends, because then he got to borrow his mother's car and spend time with his nephew. He was feeling a bit down this morning- thanks to a certain someone-and was hoping Takeru would bring him some joy. Except that Takeru hadn’t even yet acknowledged his uncle Oikawa, instead immediately becoming invested in trying to figure out where he’d seen Tobio before. Oikawa sighed, realising the several questions he’d asked would go ignored.

Oikawa was determined to make Tobio back to normal immediately. Yesterday he had gone beyond, and had expected all that milk Tobio had drank would make Tobio significantly older. Maybe the flavours didn't work, but there had to be one that did. This just meant he had to be more open minded about possibilities of flavours. If only Tobio wasn't being some kind of sour git. Tobio was acting really grumpy. He had offered Tobio to let him wear his Jose Blanco signed shirt once if he drank a litre of milk. But Tobio had given him a dirty instead of being grateful. This was Jose Blanco and Tobio didn’t even care?

‘So, about our deal Tobio.’

‘No. Drive faster.’

Oikawa was bewildered. Tobio’s tone of voice was very much pissing him off.

‘Don’t tell me how fast to drive. What's your problem?'

'I might get diarrhoea again.'

'What?'

'You made me drink too much milk yesterday.'

'Why are you being an asshat though?'

'I'm not. I'm just sick. Oh also, because I was sick, Mum took me shopping and bought me lunch with a toy.' Tobio showed off a tiny action figure.

'Okay diarrhoea boy. I don't care about your cheap one dollar toy, I've got merch worth hundreds of dollars that you can't ever have. Which mum bought me.'

Okay he went too far, but also why the hell was Tobio being so weird for?

'You're an adult and you still care about toys?' said his nephew Takeru.

'Yeah, you're an adult and you still care about toys?' said Tobio but it somehow sounded ten times more annoying.

‘I’ve had enough of you, Tobio.’

‘I’ve had enough of you Oikawa,’ Tobio imitated.

‘Hey, don’t copy what I’m saying.’ He regretted saying that immediately.

‘Hey, don’t copy what I’m saying,’ Tobio repeated smugly.

‘I don’t care if you get diarrhoea. You’re not acting like you’re sick. It wasn’t the milk that made you sick, it was your bad attitude.’

Tobio gulped. He waved the milk away from himself.

‘No. Why do I have to drink an entire litre of milk?’

‘You’re calcium deficient.’

‘You’re calcium deficient. You’re crazy.’

Oikawa parked the car to the side and clicked the lock door button, ‘you’re locked in here, and I won’t let you out until you drink the whole thing.’

‘Tooru, why does he have to drink so much milk?’ asked Takeru. 

‘Last time you saw him, he was fifteen. Now he’s nine, that’s what happens when you stop drinking milk.’

Takeru thought about it for a bit, ‘so he’s the same Tobio. It was your magic, wasn’t it?’

‘What do you think, Takeru?’ said Oikawa sarcastically. Takeru was used to his uncle’s sarcasm, so he ignored the question.

‘What magic are you talking about?’ Tobio asked afraid.

‘My ability to curse you. Drink it or you’ll shrivel like a grape, Tobio,’ Oikawa warned.

‘No I won’t. I’ll get more sick. You’re a bully.’ There were tears rimming in his eyes.

‘And you cry like a baby.’

‘I’m not a baby!’

‘You act like one. You look like one.'

'Why do I have to drink so much milk?'

'Because you are obsessed with drinking milk. You would get married to milk if it was possible.'

'No I wouldn't! I like drinking a bit of milk but not a whole bottle! I don't even know why I–'

'Because you're calcium deficient.'

Takeru folded his arms, ‘Stop it, Tooru, I’m going to tell mum. Tobio, the door isn’t locked from the inside. Come with me.’

'H-hey, look I'll drink half of it and you drink the other half, don't get too upset at me.'

But Tobio just left the car. 

‘Drink the whole thing by yourself,’ said Tobio, folding his arms. Takeru nods in agreement.

Oikawa said nothing, he just drank the milk up to the midway point. His stomach churned but the boys’ gazes were burning on him. He continued chugging the drink until the end. 

‘That wasn’t so bad,’ said Oikawa, with the tiniest gag he couldn't keep in.

‘Oh, it was bad,’ said Takeru, returning to the car.

‘You’re going to get diarrhoea now,’ said Tobio. ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

‘Big words coming from a baby.’

Takeru put an arm around Tobio, ‘ignore Tooru, he’s mean to everyone.’

‘How could you say this about me, Takeru?’

‘He thinks his jokes are funny, but he doesn’t realise it when he goes too far.’

‘He’s lame,’ Tobio agrees.

‘His girlfriend even broke up with him two weeks ago because he called her scary without makeup.’

‘You twisted what happened, Takeru. We were both kidding around, so that’s not why we broke up.’

‘She stopped talking for the entire time after you said that.’

'Thank you Takeru for this very inaccurate observation of yours. Stay in the car Tobio, I need to talk to you. I didn't force you to drink milk yesterday, did I?'

Tobio shook his head but his eyes were averted.

'Am I a bitch to you?'

Tobio moved his head slightly up.

'Okaaayy, I guess I'm a bitch. I am just telling you what's good for you. I don't know why you're being sensitive. So, am I really a bitch to you?'

Tobio shook his head quickly.

'Good. Whatever it is, I'm sorry. Isn't that what you want to hear?'

Without responding, Tobio left the car and closed the door after himself. Oikawa sat a little longer in his seat, trying to decide if he was imagining it or if Tobio slammed the door, just enough to piss him off but not enough for it to be obvious.

It all showed on Oikawa’s face, the resentment, the annoyance. Tobio turned around to the car to go back and apologise, when he saw “the look”. 

‘I think he slept on the wrong side of the bed,’ said Tobio. Tobio heard this from Iwaizumi, who explained to him that the phrase meant Oikawa was upset. 

Takeru shrugged, ‘he always does that. Anyway, want to get ice cream by ourselves since he won’t leave the car for an hour?’ They raced each other, Oikawa’s wallet tucked in his nephew’s zipper pocket.

-

When Oikawa woke and came down for breakfast, he heard the sound of a gentle, measured bouncing of the ball on the concrete. 

He made a bowl of cereal, eyes half shut and he sat at the side of the garage. The car was gone since his mother must have taken it when she went out for brunch, leaving Tobio with enough space to train in here. 

If the magic came with any symptoms from growing up too fast, they weren’t showing on Tobio. Tobio’s perfect balance proved his physique was prime for his age. His accuracy was on point and his focus was unbreakable. Of course it was. Tobio was a prodigy from birth, never mind elementary school.

Oikawa wasn't even allowed to play as a setter from the very beginning. He had to work hard and prove himself. Meanwhile, perfect little Tobio had been the setter in his grade every year. Even since he was in elementary, people used to say that he was good enough to play with middle schoolers. 

Spitefully, Oikawa said, 'If you train too hard at volleyball, one day you'll trip when you're tired and you can't play ever again.

Tobio caught the ball. He pulled up his tracksuit pants as if afraid to trip on them.

'Did that happen to you?' Tobio was concerned. 

'Yes. I injured a knee,' Oikawa lied, 'now I can't jump as high.'

'Is that why you wear the different colour kneepads?' asked Tobio.

'Compression sleeves, yes.' Oikawa felt like this conversation had happened before in their actual childhood but he couldn't be certain.

'Oh,' Tobio did puppy eyes and stared at Oikawa’s knees, 'I'll take more care of myself.'

Oikawa rolled his eyes and offered Tobio some chips. Tobio looked wary, so Oikawa said, 'one unhealthy food won't hurt you. Take a nap after this, it's only Sunday.'

Not like he had a choice. Tobio ate one chip then was dragged to his bedroom. Oikawa closed the blinds and shut the door, and the room was still dark even at midday.

It was all harmless teasing. Tobio was very likely going to forget about this all anyway. 

-

‘I know one thing that definitely helps you grow,’ Oikawa invites himself into Tobio’s bedroom and on his bed, which makes Tobio flinch and scramble into his pyjama pants, ‘and it’s not milk. It’s a good rest. You never grow while you’re awake. Some nights you grow up overnight more than one year older. What grade are you in?’

‘Fifth grade elementary.’

‘You’ve noticed that you’re growing really fast, haven’t you?’

Tobio nodded, keeping a space between himself and Oikawa on the bed.

'Since yesterday, you've grown a lot. You'll find out about my magic soon. You didn't deserve to be turned to a baby, but I really am not in control of the magic. I didn't do it on purpose, okay?'

Tobio waited for an explanation.

'I don't like sharing my things or my space. When I'm with friends, I don't want family to be around. When you open my fridge and eat my things, it's annoying and also when I want to eat something I don't want to find my fridge empty and then starve to death.'

Tobio nodded. 

'I've been trying to reverse the magic all this time by giving you milk but you are so difficult.'

'How do you use magic?' Asked Tobio.

'I don't really know,' Oikawa admitted.

'Oh. Well, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.'

'My feelings aren't hurt . Anyway, is your diarrhoea stomach okay today Tobio?’

‘Yes, normal, but are you upset at me?’

'Don't worry about that.’ 

He said that, but his annoyed look was so intimidating that Tobio flinched.

Tobio’s frowned as he tried to fall asleep. He wondered if he should avoid Oikawa from now on. Maybe Oikawa didn't want him to be around so much? 

4. we're not children anymore, i think

'Tobio, I need to use the toilet. You've been in there for ages.'

'Don't talk to me,' he heard sobbing sounds.

'Why are you crying?'

Oikawa knew he didn't do anything wrong at all. Which wasn't something he could usually say, but this time he'd been very careful and kind when talking to his brother.

'Go away from me.'

Oikawa bit his lips. Should he go away? But he hadn't done anything wrong.

'Your serving sucks,' said Tobio.

'Excuse me? What did I even do to you?' Oikawa made sure to whisper, it was midnight and they shouldn’t wake their mother. But his knuckles were white and he had to think hard about relaxing them. Tobio didn’t seem to care about his words, or at all about the time. 

'You're lucky I didn't tell mum. I'm happy that you lost your game. I'm happy that you suck at volleyball.'

Oikawa’s world spun in front of his eyes. These were words he told himself all the time. 

But never would Tobio dare say it to him. 

'Get out and explain yourself, Tobio,’ he hissed. 

Tobio slammed the door open, 'I'm not scared of you.' But there was a flicker of fear in his eyes, although overwhelmed by agitation.

'I'm not going to hurt you. Look, my hands are behind my back. Just, what are you on about?'

'You hit me on my face.'

Oikawa didn't blink. 

'I didn't.'

'You punched me and it hit me on the eye.'

'I didn't do it Tobio, that was the magic back then. You’re only reliving what happened back then. That was years ago. Three years ago, actually. Look at me, I'm older now.'

'You were never kind,' Tobio shoved him backwards, leaving Oikawa in shock.

Oikawa’s hands were so shaky and Tobio looked like he was in shock. Oikawa said 'Sorry Tobio,' but neither boy really believed in sorry. That was just a stupid thing adults told you to say, even when nothing was okay. 

Oikawa rushed to Tobio’s room but it was locked, 'I'm so so so sorry, Tobio. I wasn't thinking when it happened.'

'Sorry doesn't mean anything!' Screamed back Tobio.

‘What on earth is happening?’ their mother opened up her bedroom door, ‘I do not believe you two are fighting at such an hour. Oh, Tooru, honey, what is it?’

Oikawa put a shaking finger to his lips, ‘He’s fine, he’s just reliving middle school. I think he had a nap and grew a year older. He was perfectly fine just a few hours ago.’

'But it's not fine,' said his mother, and Oikawa frowned at the ground, 'and, I don't mean about back then. I mean, the two of you are similar in so many ways, but it's as if you're fighting for the same thing all the time, and it's drilling a hole in my heart.'

Oikawa dreaded the inevitable rant that would follow.

'I feel like you don't want him around.'

Oikawa shook his head urgently.

'This is just how I feel. A mother's heart is very sensitive.'

'We weren't fighting, don't worry about us.'

She continued without hearing him. face was hard like rock, her eyes a little red though, 'You both love things I can't understand, so I've always thought you'd grow up together, not miles apart. You both play that sport, and have so much fun talking about your favourite players, and how you share the same dreams. So, why don't you help each other out? Brothers should be best friends.'

-

Tobio waited until he was sure Oikawa had left the house before he got up to eat. He then snatched his phone from Oikawa’s desk and went to his own room.

He tried his phone password again. Yesterday in the morning he had tried his password, but just now remembered he had changed the password since then. He typed in "oikawaisameanie" and the phone clicked on. 

He went to messages. His highest contact was Iwaizumi, of course.

His first instinct was to call him up, but his mother told him Iwaizumi thought he was on a trip and to not tell him that he was actually at Oikawa’s place. Oikawa told him it was so that Iwaizumi wouldn't get jealous, but Oikawa was a liar. His mother said that it was because Iwaizumi shouldn't know about the magic, which made a lot more sense, because Iwaizumi would never get jealous of him. 

Tobio texted Iwaizumi: hello

Iwaizumi: hey Tobio ❤ How are you?

Tobio: angry at Oikawa

Iwaizumi: I'm so sorry to hear that

Tobio: It's okay, it's not your fault. Where are you now?

Iwaizumi: at home, eating lunch. Are you having fun on the beach? I miss you so much.

Tobio: I'm having fun. I miss you too

Tobio: I want to see you

Tobio: does Oikawa hate me?

Tobio waited for the response that seemed to be taking extra time to be answered.

Iwaizumi: he doesn't hate you. 

Iwaizumi: But, do you hate him?

Tobio: no! Did he tell you that I said I hate him? He's such a bitch and a liar!

Iwaizumi: Tobio, don’t talk like that. 

Iwaizumi: I'm sorry, but you're being too immature 

Tobio: no, wait

Tobio: I'm just in a bad mood

Tobio: I'll be better now

Iwaizumi: why are you angry at Oikawa 

Tobio: he’s mean

Tobio: I wish that you were my brother instead

Tobio felt like whatever clarity he had felt was suddenly crashing into tiny pieces all over him. He shouldn't have said that. Oikawa was going to see that message. He knew he had to delete the message immediately. 

Tobio deleted the comments he didn't want Oikawa to see. 

Iwaizumi: I would like to be your brother too

A smile grew on Tobio's face. He decided to change his phone password to something Oikawa wouldn’t guess, but nothing popped to mind yet so he decided to leave that for tomorrow.

-

Tobio knew that when Oikawa got angry he hated people to be around him. He had experienced Oikawa’s wrath too many times, each time promising himself to pay more attention to how Oikawa felt. Oikawa’s anger at him couldn’t have been more obvious this time. Oikawa had come in his room last night without knocking on the door, not like he ever did, but then he threw Tobio’s phone on his bed and huffed back out. Tobio realised it was because he had used his phone without Oikawa’s permission. He still wasn’t sure if that meant he was now allowed to use his phone whenever he wanted, so he had kept it on his bedside table without using it yet.

He went to have an early breakfast and tiptoed when he saw Oikawa’s back. He snuck a fruit then went out to the shed. His heart sank wildly when he noticed ceramic pieces scattered on the shed floor. The blue paint peeked from the ceramic and he got on his knees. He felt his face heat up rapidly.

'Forget about your stupid mug.’

‘Don’t touch me,’ said Tobio, smacking Oikawa's legs, ‘I’m going to tell Miwa what you did.' His voice was deep, an awkward time of puberty where he had grown much taller but his face still looked like he was a child.

Oikawa raised his arms into the air, ‘joke’s on you, she doesn’t care about a mug that was broken three years ago.’

‘She will care,’ spat Tobio, ‘I’m going to her right now.’

‘How?’ Oikawa smirked.

‘Where is she?’

‘Out working.’

‘Where?’

Oikawa shrugged. Tobio repeated louder again and again ‘where?’

‘Get in the car.’

Oikawa told Tobio he wasn't taking him unless he changed into something where he wouldn't be recognised. It wasn’t worth the drama to be seen by someone, Oikawa told him.  

On Tobio’s lap was a bag of the collected mug pieces. 

Oikawa watched some women walk into the salon Miwa worked at. Around this time she would be getting her first clients who needed makeup and hair styling and who knows what else. Oikawa laughed at his own joke of getting Tobio’s nails done. Tobio looked at the cardigan and midi skirt he had on. He pulled down the sun hat onto his head to cover his face then left the car and entered the salon. Oikawa pfted aloud as Miwa dragged Tobio out of the salon by the ear.

‘This again?’ 

She gestured at Tobio’s outfit.

‘I wanted to see you. I don’t like Oikawa anymore. I want to move out from his house.’

Oikawa waited for Tobio to back down. He would have to drop him off back home before he went on his own way, so he needed things to be settled quickly.

Tobio opened up the bag of broken ceramic. Oikawa grimaced from the stare they both gave him. The Kageyama siblings sat in the back. After Tobio told Miwa about how mean Oikawa was, as well as several items Oikawa had broken, Miwa glared at Oikawa.

'It happened three years ago,' Oikawa said, ‘the magic is doing some weird thing where old things are showing up. Even an old storybook appeared randomly.’

‘Putting aside the magic. I know you're a troublemaker, Tooru,' she said sternly, 'you were such a bad kid in middle school.'

'What else happened, Tobio?' Miwa asked, handing Tobio a tissue.

Tobio brought a sandwich bag from his pocket. He opened it, put it on Miwa's lap. As if just the sight of its contents were enough justification, he then smacked Oikawa on the nose. Miwa pulled him back from the driver's seat. While restraining him, Miwa held him strongly and wasn't about to let him go. She had seen the contents of the sandwich bag and was livid.

'Hitting is not a solution, Tobio! Okay but why did you break his things, Tooru? I know it was a long time ago, but why did you do it? Seriously, you were that jealous? You're his brother, you're supposed to be there for him. What if another boy breaks Tobio's things, hmm? Are you going to join him, or are you going to tell him to stop because that's your brother and nobody touches your brother's things without his permission? Tobio, you can't just walk away and come to me because you had a fight. You have to know that you did something wrong too. Apologise for smacking him just now.'

'Forget about it Miwa. It doesn't matter,' Oikawa tried to minimise the situation.

'I don't know. You attention seekers should figure it out.' She was tearing up slightly, 'you went too far with ripping his baby picture.'

Oikawa had turned on his car engine but he felt dread sink him down at what Miwa had said. He took the sandwich bag from Miwa's shaky hands. Miwa glared at Tobio but left the car after she kissed him bye.

'I didn't do this, Tobio,' Oikawa tried to explain, 'it was the magic.'

Oikawa turned his body and gave Tobio his most earnest look, 'it's just a picture anyway. Why are you upset over a picture? We can take more pictures any time.'

Tobio was speechless. He didn't know why Oikawa didn't care. His heart sank into a little crevice in his chest and he didn't let himself say anything else. Oikawa was wrong, a furious voice within him repeated.

5. you were only a child. we both were.

Many blurry shots later, Tobio finally clutched his most recent picture that Oikawa had printed several copies of- accidentally because the internet was being wack, but Tobio took all the extras. Tobio drew in the rest of his family on one copy. He drew his mother first because she had given him three helpings of dessert that night. His sister next, because she was the kindest. He hazily thought about how she was anxious these days and always running off to the hospital. His grandfather last because he was trying to recall what his grandfather's hair looked like, but because his head was covered by a hat on the hospital bed he had forgotten. In the end he drew his grandfather with the hat, then went to sleep.

Tobio’s day was hazy. He was getting silent, and the picture of his family he'd drawn yesterday made him sick to look at now. His mother spoke to him for a long time in the morning, then after he'd sat alone she'd returned with all his favourite foods. He barely managed a swallow before he pushed all the plates away. 

By evening he'd thought enough and decided he was nowhere close to making his grandfather proud of him. His grandfather always told him to look for people who were better than him. But everyone around him now was horrible. Blind rage at himself overwhelmed him. His fingers found solace in feeling plastic vabo chan in his fingers, twisting the toy's head over and over.

Oikawa had a question in his eyes when he got home and noticed Tobio, a question that Tobio didn't know the answer to. A question that Tobio could barely ask himself because it felt so heavy, yet he was now looking directly at Oikawa, as if in acting like he was challenging Oikawa it would make it seem easier to bear. Like he was expecting Oikawa to know all the answers, and if Oikawa simply didn't say anything he could keep having this illusion that things could be better.

‘I’m going to call Miwa for you.’

‘No, don’t,’ Tobio hiccuped, ‘she’s really upset, she doesn’t want to talk to anyone. She said she won’t ever talk to anyone again. I think she hates me.’

Oikawa said something to him but Tobio's head was buried between his arms and he was so frightened of the answer. The answer to what he feared the most.

Oikawa was pulling his arm up, ‘Tobio, there is no way. Look, she’s going to be fine when I call her.’

‘Don’t do it, please.’

‘Can you tell me what’s wrong?’

‘Nothing is wrong.'

If he said it twice, maybe he'll believe it, but his throat was parched and he felt like he was drowning. His brain was going dizzy between his thoughts and his reality, that his grandfather had died many years ago. Oikawa was telling him that he should remember his true age, that he was actually fifteen, that he should drown away the thoughts from his mind because none of that was happening right now. Tobio whispered in a tiny voice to Oikawa. That he was really upset. That he couldn’t believe that his grandfather was gone. He felt clumsy and his hands smudgy as he accepted Oikawa’s hand to stand up. 

'Let’s go see your grandfather then.'

Tobio remembered why he used to always think Oikawa was an angel, it was because he took him places when he was upset.

Tobio led Oikawa to where his grandfather’s gravestone was. He let go when he was close enough to read the inscription. 

Tobio put his chrysanthemum among the others, dozens of them all feeding the grass. Evidence that his grandfather had been mourned for a long time and often. 

He is still not sure if he knows what to tell his grandfather if he were still alive.

Maybe he’d tell him how Iwaizumi was the best player he knew, even though they hadn't seen each other much in middle school since Iwaizumi was older. They did get to message each other and Iwaizumi wanted to be his brother. Tobio wondered if his grandfather would let him be brothers with Iwaizumi.

He shouldn’t tell him about Kindaichi, that would make his grandfather too upset. His grandfather used to love Kindaichi and always reminded Tobio not to fight with him. His grandfather would be disappointed if he knew that Tobio screamed at him for not wanting to go professional after highschool. But Tobio really wanted the two of them to go professional together, and Kindaichi didn’t understand. It would be the worst thing if his grandfather knew they had a big fight. 

Tobio shivered at the thought. Oikawa squeezed his shoulder gently, and he felt better and remembered where he was, and who was with him.

Tobio told his grandfather that Oikawa’s mother planted chrysanthemums in her backyard, that Oikawa had let him take this white one from there. He told him that Oikawa was here too.

‘When he was in hospital, I told my grandfather that you wouldn’t teach me how to serve.’

Oikawa’s baffled pout started to form.

‘Don’t worry, I didn’t say your name. But when I told him that, he wasn’t upset. He just said we were rivals.’

Oikawa had never thought about it like that. Tobio, his rival? He wasn’t sure. Iwaizumi was his rival, or probably other boys his own age. Tobio, he was just a boy he wanted to avoid. Oikawa didn’t know Tobio’s grandfather too well. He should give Tobio space. Oikawa gave Tobio his jacket before he excused himself and left.

The graveyard warmed up after the wind settled. Tobio told his grandfather that he was going to try being nicer to everyone from now on, but it was so hard. Would his grandfather come back if he really tried? His forehead touched the grass and he let himself cry in this position until darkness washed over him. 

Oikawa found him, marks on his cheek from the concrete that bordered the grass and took him still asleep to the car. He assured his mother that he’ll look after him. Tobio continued sleeping on his bed in the guestroom. Oikawa promises to himself he won't fall asleep so that his mother isn't worried. Tobio is grinding his teeth in his sleep. Oikawa doesn’t recognise this habit, it must have started around this age, but he pulls the pillow to fit better under his brother’s head; the pillow’s lopsidedness had been annoying him. Tobio’s expression becomes only minutely calmer as his posture does. Oikawa fidgets and kneads the edge of Tobio’s mattress with his knuckles and he stares at the fuzzy outline of the bed frame in the darkness, counting the seconds. 

'I don't understand how you could be expected to be positive after this,' said Oikawa to sleeping Tobio, 'and I know that what you went through, you didn't deserve it. So, I guess I was a bitch.'

Oikawa counted the seconds, not noticing himself fade away and slump.

His mother comes in and kisses Tobio, right where the tension on his face formed wrinkles. She kissed her older son on the forehead and sat next to him patting his shoulder to let him wake up. Some minutes after, while Tobio is still asleep, Oikawa wakes up, mutters goodnight to his mother through half lidded eyes, and goes back to his own bed. Tobio’s nightmares are gone until morning.

6. brothers aren't best friends. but sometimes they tolerate each other

The nightmares came back close to noon. Tobio's headache throbs all the time that he's awake. After reading Oikawa’s text, he decides their mum must have forced Oikawa to be caring to him. That's how it always went.

He still doesn't open his eyes even when he feels a cold grip on his wrist. He knows the world hates him, he doesn't want to be pulled up to face it and look it in the eye. He resists for a few minutes before the grip is more urgent. 

Tobio looked up, it wasn't the world's eyes looking at him, just Oikawa. 

'You saw my message but didn't respond to it,' Oikawa said, 'tell me what you're thinking about or remembering.'

Tobio shook his head. Oikawa pressed him with more questions. Even as answers to Oikawa’s questions start to form in his head, he can't bring his mouth to move. He felt like he still loved him, yet they were way too distant from each other now. Didn’t Oikawa feel like they had both fought enough? He didn’t even like him, he found everything about Tobio annoying. 

Oikawa pulls out a box from beneath the guestroom's desk. Tobio’s eyes widen because he recognises the contents.

Oikawa works at fitting the little pieces together. From his bed he can tell where to fit the pieces that Oikawa can't. He leaves his bed to put them together. 

The glue make Tobio’s fingers cling to each other but if he moves it fast enough the glue dries out. It's distracting him from other things, like how Kindaichi hates him now, like how none of his old teammates will want to play volleyball with him. 

Will Tobio go to Seijoh? There was no way. Everyone there was going to hate him. Kindaichi now called him a king. Oikawa was going to be embarrassed around him. He might get angry at him again.

Tobio. You need to find different friends, different people who will care a lot about you. Don't hang around with people just because they actually let you play. 

But, for now Oikawa was sitting with him. To at least glue back his mug like how it had been.

Thank you, thought Tobio begrudgingly in his head. Oikawa smiled brightly at him. 

'You're welcome,' Oikawa said in his silly sing-song voice.

Tobio pouts, he doesn't like to be teased. Him and Oikawa always fight. He still can't be sure Oikawa won't try punching again just like he did in middle school. 

But he can't help but to smile a little at Oikawa’s familiar teasing.