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The nicknames start out normally enough.
“Honey, can you sweep the courtyard?”
“Mm, honey. Okay.” He smiles before fetching the broom.
“Sugar, can you bring in the laundry, please?”
“Sugar. I like that, Bubbles.” He kisses your cheek before he goes outside to get the washing. You smile.
Well. If he liked those…
“GAIUS! Did you spill toffee on the floor?!”
“Uh.”
“Mop it up, Chupa Chup.”
He stops, halfway between the couch and the mop. “What did you just call me?”
You grin at him. “You said you liked sugar, Kit Kat.”
“Bubbles.”
“Mop up the floor.” You grab your books on your way out the door. “I’ll be back later, Skittles. That floor had better be glittering.”
It’s all downhill from there.
You arrive home in the evening and kiss the side of his head with a passing, “hey, twin-pack Snicker bar.” The trash needs to be taken out, and it becomes the job of your “Wrigley’s Sugarfree Chewing Gum”. The piano is dusty, but not for long with the help of your “Cadbury’s 500g Fruit and Nut Chocolate Bar.” “Nature’s Confectionary Jelly Beans.” “Allens Jumbo Party Mix.” “Mars inc. Value Pack Maltesers.” “Home Brand Jelly Snakes.” “Year old Easter bunny that nobody is fucking eating because we got way too much Easter chocolate and now it’s just sitting there past its expiry date but you won’t let me throw it out because you’re in denial that it’s expired.”
“BUBBLES!”
“Something wrong, Hostess Twinkies 10 Pack Share Box?” you ask, grinning widely as he looks more and more peeved with every nickname.
He scowls at you for a moment before a very ominous expression crosses his face – like he’s just gotten an idea, and he knows you don’t want to find out.
“Nothing, Tootsie Roll Midgees Candy 5 Pound Value Bag 760 Pieces,” he reels off, and momentarily looks very proud of himself before smirking at you.
“Oh, it’s on now, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup King Size, 2.8 Ounce (Pack of 144).”
You’re kicked out of Chrom’s next meeting for looking up candy on your phone. And the next one after that for texting them to Gaius every three seconds. And the next one after that because you won’t stop giggling at the ones he’s sending you.
“Is it really worth it?” asks an exasperated Chrom as he escorts you out of the fourth meeting.
“For my Hershey’s Easter Candy Filled Eggs Assortment (Jolly Rancher Hard Candy, Jolly Rancher Fruit Chews & Twizzlers Pull ‘n’ Peel Strawberry Crème) Pack of 3? Of course.”