Chapter Text
Rowan’s relationship with the sky is quite strange and fluctuates for no obvious reason. On some days the sky barely scares him and he can spare quick glances up at the sun with minimal anxiety, though that didn’t mean he was going to risk it and look. On those days he feels safer leaving the house. On the other hand, on days like today, the sky feels full and dangerous, like an ever-flowing sink that's on the brink of overflow. It is like the sun is an eye and it is watching him, haunting him.
As today is one of those days Rowan has attempted to stay away from windows, doors, and the like. He is, in general, trying to forget that the sky even exists. But that works as well as he expects. His thoughts race and he’s flooded with fear, the sky outside is black, threatening to pour, water pooling dripping over the edge. He screws his eyes shut, his nails digging into the edge of the couch, he has drifted over to the window subconsciously and now he can’t stop looking. He tries to tell himself that there is no water outside, it’s all in his head, flooding his mind. So sudden he’s drowning, he’s drowning, he’s drowning, he’s-
“Rowan, good lad?”
Rowan snaps his eyes open and releases his grip on the couch, Juniper’s soft touch and his shadow blocking the sky from Rowan’s view. He brings Rowan into a hug that Rowan returns graciously, “Are you alright dear lad?”. Rowan swallows thickly, momentarily opening his eyes to look towards the window, only a second passes but he feels nauseous. The sky is still pooling, dripping, overflowing, black murky waters wanting to swallow him whole. “The windows…” He whispers hoarsely. Juniper lets Rowan down for him to sit on the couch and quickly runs over to the curtains to shut them.
Juniper sits next to Rowan after closing the blinds, he clasps his hand with Rowan’s, “Apologies dear, but today doesn’t seem like a great day for an outing, does it? Are you sure our plans are still on?” Rowan looks down at their intertwined hands and squeezes Junipers reassuringly. He has to think for a second, there is no rain, there is no rain. “No, Marisol and Salem will be waiting, I really don’t want to cancel on them, again.” Juniper looks at him softly and presses a kiss on his forehead, “If you’re sure dear lad, 30 minutes sound good?” Rowan nods and gives him a kiss before heading over to the bathroom to take a shower.
After Juniper makes sure the curtains on the bathroom window are closed, he leaves towards the bedroom. Rowan presumes he is going to get an outfit and change, which would take him 30 minutes by itself. He starts the shower and stares at the water for a moment. It’s drowning at first and Rowan’s eyes go wide at the sight of it. He isn’t as scared of water as he is of the sky but they go hand in hand most of the time. He sucks in a breath between clenched teeth and sticks his hand in the stream. He knows it won’t kill him but it feels like knives being shot through his veins. He waits until the initial panic subdues, it isn’t flooding and it isn’t going to drown him. He withdraws his hand and steps into the stream.
He washes his hair and swears he only closed his eyes for a second but when he opens them again the water splashing into his eyes and the stark white, surprisingly small walls of the shower send him into shock. In blind panic he reaches out and knocks over several shampoo bottles (Most of them are Junipers). Rowan’s breathing becomes labored and he hears a knock on the door, “Rowan! Are you ok?”. Rowan attempts to respond but the water drowns his thoughts and words, it’s engulfing him, filling his lungs, choking his throat-
Juniper’s hand on his back brings him back to the shower, the water had been shut off now, a slow stream of water going down the drain in a vortex, he watches it for several seconds, his breathing still sporadic and uneven. “Good lad?” Juniper’s voice is low and soothing, his hand rubs circles into Rowan’s back. Rowan slowly comes to his senses, realizing that he is sitting on the floor of the shower now, he moves to have his head resting on his knees. He notices the fact that his fingers are digging into Juniper’s hand, “I’m sorry.” He says quietly, he can hear Juniper’s soft smile, “Don’t be dear, are you alright to stand?” Rowan nods, “Will you be okay by yourself?”
Again Rowan smiles and thinks about how caring Juniper is and how he really didn’t deserve it. “I’ll…I’ll be okay.” He tilts his head up and kisses Juniper before the other gets up. Juniper’s hand leaves Rowan’s back as he walks out of the room. Rowan takes another shaky breath before standing up and drying off. The windows are closed, he reminds himself, still refusing to look over at the window in the fear of the chance it had opened, even just a crack.
He goes into their bedroom and grabs the first “nice” looking outfit he can find. “Alright, I’m ready.” He announces to Juniper, who had been laying on the couch with their cat, Aspen. He jumps up at Rowan’s voice, “Ah Rowan, has anyone told you that you look ravishing today?” He walks over to Rowan and kisses his cheek. “Har-har June,” Rowan says as he fondly rolls his eyes and presses a kiss back to Juniper’s lips. Rowan smiles as Juniper flushes and grabs his sunglasses off the counter, “‘Cmon, we’re going to be late.”
He puts on his glasses and inhales sharply as he opens the door. The feeling is immediate, the clouds were above him, the sun’s rays like eyes glaring into him. Rowan pulls to a stop, feeling Juniper ever so slightly bump into his back. Then Juniper has his arm around him, steadying his swaying feet “Rowan, lad?” Rowan shifts his head to acknowledge that he heard the other. Juniper pulls him back a little and moves so Rowan's head is pressed into his chest. “Rowan, dear lad, it's ok. I’m here. Are you sure we can go on?” Rowan breathes out between his teeth, “Yeah, yeah I can- I can do this. But, uh, can you drive? I really don’t want to accidentally kill us.”
He hears Juniper's smile, “‘Course dear lad,” He lets go of Rowan and heads over to the car, “You see back in…” Rowan watches as Juniper opens up the passenger side door. “Oh right… y’know I’m actually not so sure this is going to work.” He rubs the back of his neck and turns back to Rowan furiously wiping away newly formed tears with his sleeves, his glasses fallen to the ground, and his teeth biting down on his front lip. “Rowan!” He’s back at Rowan’s side as soon as he can, but draws his hands back as Rowan cowers away from the touch, “Is everything alright?”
Rowan makes a noise of anger, his hands balling up into fists, “I don’t want to have to cancel on them again! All because I can’t look at the fucking sky!” He turns away from Juniper, scared he’ll say something he doesn’t mean. He knows he’s just acting out of pent-up anger and anxiousness, he’s been trying not to bottle things up but it really isn’t working. “Gods this is so pathetic,” He growls, storming over to the car, glasses left abandoned on the ground. And as soon as he gets in the driver's seat, hands nearly on the wheel, the open sky right in front of him, the tears rush out, his hands moving up to grip his face.
“Oh gods the sky, the sky,” His eyes are wide and his breaths sporadic, he feels his shoulders start to shake. The sky is watching him, staring at him, it sees him, he is a fraud, a coward, a li- Juniper's arms wrap around him. “Rowan lad please.” The touch is soothing, circles being traced into his back. He knows his sobs are loud in Juniper's ear but every time he attempts to quiet them he chokes on the air.
They stay like this for a minute before Juniper coaxes Rowan out of the car and onto the ground, his arms still around Rowan’s shoulders. They sit for several moments, Rowan practically in Juniper’s lap but neither of them could care more. “Not really sure what we should do here, June,” Rowan says, drying his cheeks with his sleeves, voice softer and quieter than before. He takes the glasses back from Juniper, who had picked them up off the ground, and places them on his face. Juniper purses his lips for a second, “Say, Rowan, do you have Syd or Jeddie’s number on hand?” Rowan raises his eyebrows at this but nods and pulls out his phone.
Juniper motions to take it and Rowan pushes it into his palm. Rowan watches as Juniper types something out on the screen, one handedly and admittedly slower than Rowan would have been able to type. Rowan’s fingers move in intricate patterns on Juniper’s pant leg, circles, then triangles, back to circles. Juniper doesn’t seem to notice and Rowan barely does, his focus on Juniper’s hand running patterns into his back automatically. Juniper hands the phone back after a couple seconds, “There we go! They should be here in 15, perhaps you should let Marisol and Salem know that we will be late and that we’ll have two other guests joining us.”
Rowan smiles, “What did you do this time?” Juniper shrugs, “I talked to Sydney, it's very simple.” Rowan waits as he knows that's not the entire story, he raises his eyebrows in question, “Alright, Sydney happens to have some..dirt on me and wishes to join our double date with Marisol and Salem, with Jedidiah of course.” Rowan smiles, “You dork.” He kisses Juniper quickly before sending a text to Marisol about the situation.
Rowan watches as Marisol’s typing bubble pops up and disappears-
Swapped genders like trading cards
M: No worries Rowan!! Just know that we would have picked you up if you asked <3
M: And Sydney and Jedidiah are welcome any day :DD
He smiles and sends back a heart before leaning into Juniper's shoulder, they move to the porch as they wait for the others to arrive, sitting on the swinging bench installed there. Juniper intertwines their hands and ever so often gives a slight bit of pressure, as to remind Rowan that he is here. When Sydney and Jedidiah get there Rowan barely registers the sound of gravel under the wheels, what can he say, Juniper is too comfortable. Juniper nudges him gently, uncurling his fingers from Rowan’s, “Dear lad, Sydney and Jedidiah are waiting.”
“One more minute,” Rowan mumbles, wrapping his arms tighter around Juniper. Suddenly Rowan feels himself being lifted up by Juniper and he shifts his arms around Juniper's neck. Juniper walks them over to the car, opening the door carefully to not drop Rowan. Rowan shuffles into the car and Juniper grins, “Alright scoot over lad, you’re taking up the whole backseat.” Rowan rolls his eyes playfully but shifts over into the other seat. Juniper hops in and Jedidiah fixes the rear view mirror slightly.
“Sooo, where are we going?” Sydney looks back at them as Jedidiah backs the car up. “Ah yes, the restaurant down on Elephant street? It’s a steakhouse if I remember properly. And yes brother Syd, they have breadsticks and butter, we can even get you garlic bread if you’d like.” Rowan watches Sydney’s eyes light up, “Yes!! See Jeddie I told you this was a good idea.” Rowan can see Jedidiah roll his eyes in the mirror but Rowan can tell it's free of malice and he smiles, “I hope we didn’t interrupt any of your plans.”
Sydney is quick to wave away his doubt with a grin, “You didn’t, Rowan, no worries, and besides I needed to get Jeddie out of the house anyway.” And Rowan swears he hears Jedidiah mutter, “You’re one to talk.” After a slight sideways glare from Sydney Jedidiah clears his throat, “Anyway, why did you guys need to be picked up? Your car looked fine.” Rowan glances to his right where Juniper is sitting, Juniper’s eyes ask if it’s okay to share and Rowan knows in a heartbeat that Juniper will lie for him, even if it isn’t a good lie. But Rowan nods for him to share, it is going to be okay, Jedidiah and Sydney are understanding of his “sky problems” so they will understand, they have to understand.
“Well Jeddie m’boy, to put it simply neither of us can currently drive, Rowan with his...aversion to the sky and me with the fact that I drive on the left side of the road.” Sydney laughs a little at that, “Juniper I swear you need to take lessons on how to drive here.” Juniper shrugs, “Someday perhaps.” A glint in his eyes tells Rowan he’s most likely not going to actually try to learn.
Rowan reaches across the seat and curls his fingers around Junipers. Juniper gives him a soft smile and squeezes his hand back. Sydney and Juniper make light small talk for the rest of the ride and Rowan feels safe enough to close his eyes, the weight of Juniper’s hand was soft in his own, and the calming circles Juniper is tracing into his palm reassure him that everything will end up okay.