Archive of Our Own

The windows on the busy street were each tinted with their own glint, distorting the fleeting colors Shuichi managed to see as he walked past each store, excitement bubbling in his stomach. It was the same excitement he was overcome with every time he went out for coffee with Kokichi; a weekly tradition that had started years ago, but nonetheless gave him a rush of joy every Saturday. He could barely wait.

Kokichi was his best friend, and had been ever since Kokichi deemed him his “most faithful underling” during their first year at Hope’s Peak. He had received several promotions since then, from “respected goon” to “crime accomplice” until he reached the position of his right-hand man. He would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate being so important to him, but he would also be lying if he said he did not want more…

He instinctively brought his fist to his chest as the thought plagued his mind and dusted a rose tint across his cheeks. Through every promotion he always wished of reaching a romantic status. He did not know when that idea had entered his mind, but after years of living in the violette’s presence, he found himself dreaming of the day he could claim him as his own and truly reach the top of Kokichi’s list.

It was such a foolish idea. To think he could ever be loved by such a talented, beautiful leader with the confidence and charisma of a God. It was a miracle he was allowed as much time as he already got, wishing for more was just selfish.

The ice in his chest melted away as he walked into the Café, eyes landing on the sweet sight of Kokichi twirling in his hair, scrolling through his phone on the table they have claimed for themselves. The view was enrapturing: vibrant ombre looks hued with the deepest and lightest purple, glittery mauve eyes reflecting the illumination of his screen, and a petite button nose centered above glossy cherry lips. No bitter cold could stray in heart in the site of his secret love, a secret from the love himself at least,

“Shumaiii!” Kokichi called, Shuichi snapping out of his haze with the chirpy voice. He realized he was standing in front of the table, when did that happen?

“What? Um? Sorry- uh-" he shot his eyes down, still managing to feel the way Kokichi rolled his eyes before dragging him down into his seat, “Stop being star struck by my beauty and start being star struck by my stories,” he a gave a playful wink, “Unless you can do both at the same time, nee-hee-hee!”

Shuichi relaxed, picking up the cup of coffee Kokichi had pre-ordered for him: black with a pump of white chocolate and caramel, as always. It always brought a smile to his lips realizing how well Kokichi knew him, “So you have some good stories then?”

Kokichi clapped his hands together with an extra sparkle in his eyes, “I have the most exciting news! I bet you want to hear! Don’tcha Don'tcha?!”

Shuichi rested his chin on the palm of his hand, “Do I want to hear more than you want to tell?”

Kokichi pouted huffily, “Of course you do! Its way more important that anything going on in your boring life!”

“Alright then,” Shuichi gave a playing smirk, “What’s so much more interesting than everything in my life?”

“I…” Kokichi drew out the word to play up the dramatic effect, “have a boyfriend!”

Shuichi’s heart stopped on spot. Shuichi’s life stopped on the spot.

“W-hat?” he managed to choked out.

Kokichi threw his hands behind his head, “Nee-hee-hee! Shocked huh? I bet you’re jealous I got one first!”

Shuichi had to draw blood from his lips to stop tears from falling. This was too fast and too sudden for his frail heart, pain surging through his veins and stabbing into his soul. The pit of his stomach was churned in overwhelming dread, lips numbing and trembling with a violent velocity. The honeyed voice that he use to swoon over brought the rancid taste of bile up his throat. He was- gone.

He didn’t have much time to grieve, as Kokichi's eyes filled with worry, “Shumai?” He reached over to touch his hand, “Shuichi, what’s wrong?”

Shuichi’s eyes flickered with light as he came back to the world, “Hm? Oh sorry,” He gave as confident of a smile as he could, “I was just shocked is all, I didn’t even know you liked anyone.”

The words brought tightness to his chest, but only widened Kokichi’s smile, “Of course I don’t! I simply picked the most handsome and wealthy man in all the land to do my bidding, and of course he came begging at my feet!”

Shuichi found it much easier to put on a genuine smile as he listened to Kokichi’s comedic lies, burying the pain deep away, “Oh I’m sure that’s exactly how it went.”

“You wouldn’t be doubting me, would you Shu?” Kokichi leaned closer, twisting his face into a fear-inducing expression.

“Never, my Supreme leader,” it took all Shuichi had to hide the tremble in his voice, “So who is this boyfriend of yours?”

Shuichi watched a red hue fill Kokichi’s cheeks, “He’s one of my coworkers at the shop; his name’s Riki,” Kokichi started fiddling with his phone with a pleasant smile adorning his lips, “I've always found him cute but I never really thought anything of it, then he asked me out on a date and it was amazing he-“

Shuichi couldn’t listen to anymore, a white noise of pure fury ringing in his ears. Jealously pooled in his stomach, hearing Kokichi talk so honestly and passionately about another boy brought him a rage he couldn’t fend away with logic. Despite this, what truly bothered him was how Kokichi never mentioned this “Riki” and they were suppose to know everything about each other. Did it really just never come up in conversation, or did Kokichi deliberately hide it…

“Shushi Roll!” Kokichi whined, “You aren’t allowed to swoon! He's my boyfriend!”

Shuichi snapped back, noticing a phone being shoved in his face with a picture displayed on the screen; a man with glistening black hair curled into a ponytail hanging off his right shoulder, monolid eyes the hue of warm chestnuts, and fair olive skin lacking even the trace of a blemish. His nose was long, protruding from his face in a perfect arc and set above thin yet glistening lips. The image itself almost made him blush except for quite the nagging detail: the man’s armed was wrapped around Kokichi’s hip, the height difference between them clearly showing him to be at least six foot tall. The sight made him want to retch. Both of their smiles looked so happy, so full of… love.

“Isn’t he so dreamy?” Kokichi gushed, “It doesn’t matter though, ‘cuz his beauty could never stand to that of the Ultimate Supreme Leader! Isn’t that right Shu?”

“Y-yeah,” Shuichi stuttered through, “Look Kokichi, I- uh- just remembered something really important I have to get to…”

Kokichi puffed out his cheeks, mouth twitching down into a pout, “Whaaat? No way Shu do you really think I'm gonna fall for such an obvious lie?”

Shuichi sighed, it was worth a shot, “Okay fine I don’t feel good…”

“I knew it!” Kokichi threw his fists in front of his chest, face morphing into that of a determined puppy, “I knew something was up! Does your tummy hurt or what?”

Shuichi nodded sheepishly, “Y-yeah, um I think I’m gonna-“ he did not really need to act, he certainly did need to throw up. Whether it was from anxiety or pure disgust was not clear but as long as it was convincing he could not have cared less.

“Well then get home dummy!” Kokichi demanded, “I’ll take care of the check! Oh but if you’re sick you hafta call me, you know how much I love playing your cute little nurse, nee-heehee!”

“S-sure, thanks…” Shuichi muttered, placing a hand over his mouth and rising from the table. It was hard to ignore the masked worry in Kokichi’s eyes as he walked away, but he managed.

After all, the second he exited the Café, he burst into tears.

~♡~

His bed usually felt like a warm soft place to rest; a safe haven to still his anxieties and fears, but now, with so much on his mind, it felt like a hard rock just like the one churning in his stomach.

He peeked out from under the arm he had rested over his eyes to stare at his alarm clock, the time reading 12:45 a.m. If he wanted to walk to his weekly hangout with Kokichi on time, he should have already left, but he just could not bring himself too. Ever since he received the news, seeing him formed a lump in his throat. He tried to act natural, but it was hard to deceive a liar. Every conversation with Shuichi left Kokichi nervously biting his nails or lips as he tried to pull an answer out of him. He would have to learn to swallow it down if he ever wanted to rekindle his relationship, but it was so hard. All of his hopes, all of his wishes, crushed with a single sentence, recovery seem nigh impossible.

Despite this, he still desperately wanted to be friends with Kokichi, if this was hard, losing him completely would be far too much to bear. With his motivations in check, he groggily lifted himself from the bed, bringing himself to his closet to dress himself before he left.

The walk felt long and tedious, anxious dread replacing the bubbly excitement that journey usually brought him. Opening to the door to the Café, however, he felt a lightness in his chest. He couldn’t truly be upset spending time with Kokichi, it was too- amazing.

As always, Kokichi was sitting at their table, playing on his phone, but as Shuichi walked closer and focused on him, his eyes jumped open in shock. In replacement of the beautifully-hued lilac hair was a bland black, silky and smooth, of course, but nowhere near as stunning. He approached the table with confusion, eyebrow raised as he took his seat,

“Shushi!” Kokichi chirped, reaching out to cusp one of Shuichi’s hands with both of his own, phone falling into his lap, “I miiissed you!”

“Ah-um-" he really had to get control of his stuttering, it made it practically impossible to hide his flusterment, “We saw each other yesterday?”

Kokichi puffed out his cheeks dramatically, “But you’ve been so distant all week! It-its l-like you don’t l-love me a-anymore!”

He saw shimmery tears well up in Kokichi’s eyes, and immediately wriggled out of his hold, “Don’t make a scene… besides you shouldn’t say stuff like that- you- you have a boyfriend now.”

The words tasted bitter in his mouth, but he managed to say them, he was making progress,

“What? I can’t love my right-hand man anymore? Don’t be silly Shu my love for you is infinite!” Kokichi’s eyes sparkled with a childlike passion, a sure sign of jesting.

Shuichi pulled his eyes away, quickly changing the subject to avoid the topic, “What happened to your hair?”

“Ooh~ you noticed~” Kokichi listed, bringing up a hand to play with the ends of his hair, “Riki didn’t like my natural purple, so he thought I should get it done! Isn’t it pretty?” his words held almost a plastic undertone that made Shuichi sense some sort of omission,

“But you always loved your purple hair,” Shuichi argued, “It was so… you.”

“Riki said it was too unnatural,” Kokichi’s gaze locked onto his hair, sparkling eyes losing a barely noticeable bit of shine, “and he was right, this is so much more normal.”

“Since when are you normal?” Shuichi half-teased. It was an unusual argument from Kokichi, he always loved being the center of attention, standing out in a crowd of thousands.

Kokichi threw a hand over his heart, letting out a dramatic gasp, “How dare you Shui! I can’t be completely attention-grabbing, that would be way too obvious!” He examined his nails, puppeted boredom laying on his face, “Stay with the times, will you?”

“I apologize,” Shuichi said with an eye roll and a small smile, “You're new hair is very pretty.”

“Of course it is!”

Shuichi was lying. Kokichi knew he was lying, but it was clear there was information being left out on both sides, yet for now, they just continued along a conversation, even though Shuichi could stare at nothing but his hair.

~♡~

Shuichi thought the dread would cease, but frankly it was only growing.

It was not from losing his chances at a relationship, though it stung the pain had buried itself deep within his soul, but the time he was losing. After school hangouts had been cut in half, so much between-class time spent talking with his boyfriend. He had even missed last week's coffee hangout for a date. The thought of losing Kokichi to another sent chills down his spine, which would be why he was so thankful to be walking through the doors of the Café.

A resting anxiety in the back of his mind had Shuichi worrying something would be different, but nonetheless everything was as it had always been: Kokichi waving him over, midnight hair he had grown accustomed to, no matter how disappointing it was, and a bright, brilliant smile on his lips,

“Well well, isn’t my Shushi Roll looking extra toasty today,” despite the flirtatious remark being more than common, there was an oddity in the way Kokichi said it. It was almost- cautious, and when Shuichi looked closer, he noticed his eyes darting around, as if he was being watched,

“What did I say about those comments…” Shuichi sighed, becoming more exasperated than his usual fluster, “You're not single anymore you know.”

“Awe its all in good fun,” Kokichi folded a bridge with his fingers, resting his chin on it and taking a sip through his straw behind a playful smile.

Shuichi rubbed at his temple, willing away the blush that tried to creep through his face. He was getting better at that,

“How was your date last week?” Shuichi asked haughtily, failing quite badly in his attempt to cover his annoyance.

“N-" Kokichi started what Shuichi assumed to be his practiced laugh, but immediately slapped a hand over his mouth, quickly removing it to show his smile morphed into something much more plastic, “Is someone jealous? Oh Shui, you know I can’t dedicate all my Saturdays to you!”

Shuichi raised an eyebrow at his behavior, but shook it off , “Where'd you guys go?” Shuichi said as casually as possible, bringing his cup to meet his lips.

“I bet you’d never guess would you!” Kokichi exclaimed with sparkling eyes, “We went running through the night sky with nothing on but the wind! Stealing whatever riches lie in our wake! Daring cold and guards from England trying to claim our bounty of-"

Shuichi rolled his eyes at the tall tale, teasing him by reaching over to swipe some whipped cream from his drink’s top. The second Shuichi’s skin touched his own, he halted his story, flinching back harshly and recoiling his hand. He grabbed onto its wrists, holding it closely to his chest with a worried gaze.

Shuichi eyed him bewilderedly, hand remaining extended over his cup, “Are you alright?” he asked in a gentle voice.

Kokichi painted on a nervous grin, “Of course I am! Silly Shumai I was- was just testing your reflexes!”

Shuichi slowly withdrew, placing both hands into his lap, “Well that wasn’t a very effective method. Did something happen?”

“You just scared me dummy,” Kokichi whined, sticking out his tongue petulantly.

Shuichi kept his mouth shut, but gave Kokichi a suspicious squint, hand reaching up to cover his mouth out of pure instinct. He wouldn’t pry, but marked down a strike two on odd behavior from his friend,

“Aaanyway,” Kokichi resumed, easing up far more quickly than what was probably true, “He took me to ‘Hokori Hade' it's a restaurant pretty close to his house,”

Shuichi’s eyes shot open, “’Hokori Hade?’ That’s one of the fanciest restaurants in the city!”

Kokichi took small sips from his calorie-infested drink, a dreamy, far-off look expanding in his eyes, “I’d bet, it was so nice…”

“What’s he doing working at a ceramic shop if he can afford food like that?” Shuichi exclaimed, still reeling from the information.

“His dad owns the whole chain stupid,” Kokichi mocked, “He only works there for him, it’ll all be his later! He’s gotta pretty big fortune coming his way!”

Shuichi throat clenched. How was he suppose to compete with that? Handsome, rich, this guy was true boyfriend material in every way. The thought made spite and jealousy pool in Shuichi’s stomach, gritting his teeth he mumbled, “He could probably just sell his hair, get just as much money…”

Kokichi burst out laughing at the comment, but immediately slapped both hands over his mouth, biting down hard on his hand and scrunched up his eyes to try and cease the laughter, which was immediately effective. Kokichi sighed in relief when he managed to stop himself, yet Shuichi only looked more concerned and confused,

“Nothing's wrong? You're sure?” Shuichi checked again.

“Of course!” Kokichi chirped back, clasping his hands back around his drink, why wouldn’t it be?”

Shuichi eyed him suspiciously, deciding to test out his theory. He stood up to lean over the table, and started poking at Kokichi’s neck, knowing how sensitive it was.

Kokichi immediately squealed, biting down on his hand when he instinctively began laughing, he swatted at Shuichi, muffling his giggles with teeth clenched on skin,

“Shu- Shuichi stop! I- I can’t-"

“You can’t laugh,” Shuichi finished for him, leaning back in his seat with his deduction confirmed, “Why do you keep stopping yourself from laughing?”

“Nee-" he bit on his tongue, “Ever the detective! I just don’t feeel like it!”

Shuichi just gave him an unimpressed look, resting himself on his palm.

Kokichi huffed, crossing his arms haughtily, “You never let me take the easy way out .”

“Like you said, detective.”

Kokichi's eyes shifted down for a moment, before he looked back up with a plastic smile, “It’s no biggie! Riki just thought it was annoying. Wants me to stop, you know how it is!”

Shuichi blinked rapidly, mouth gaping, “No ‘Kichi I don’t know… that’s,” he shut his mouth. It was not his place to say anything… it was their relationship he had to stay out of it. His instincts might have left a sick feeling in his stomach, but he would have to ignore it. Besides, he never was the best at speaking up…

“Don’t worry about it,” Kokichi said with a cheery grin. The grin looked so fake, “I get where he’s coming from, most people don’t want a horse for a boyfriend, nee-" he slapped his hands over his mouth again.

“But you’re laugh is so cute…” Shuichi muttered under his breath, and it certainly wasn’t a lie. He found Kokichi's laugh so unique and endearing, it was like a sugar for his ears. It was far too cute to be treated so poorly.

“Wha-“ Kokichi must have heard him, for his face erupted in an angry flush, “I AM NOT CUTE!”

Shuichi’s face lit up as well, “I-I mean you are quite young looking and sounding… so you know… cute.”

Kokichi turned away with a “hmph!” Shuichi smiling at the behavior,

“I bet Riki thinks so too…”

If there was one thing Shuichi had come to like about Kokichi having a boyfriend, it was his embarrassment at any teasing remarks. Similar to his neck it was something that could break him in an instant. Just as usual he burst into color and buried his face into his hands, whining, “Nooo…”

Shuichi found the confidence Kokichi gave him, letting a teasing smirk fall on his face, “I bet you clean for him too hm? And cook him meals before he comes home everyday…”

“YOU WE’RE SICK!” Kokichi rebutted, face hued a deep scarlet, “I COOKED FOR YOU ONE TIME!”

“Mhm… you cleaned my whole house too-“

“Shuttup-shuttup-shuttup,” Kokichi slammed his head into the table, “I’m never cooking for you again!”

“That’s a shame,” Shuichi said with an innocent smile, “You look so domestic in an apron…”

Kokichi shot his head up, face frazzled like an angry kitten. He opened his mouth to speak, but a notification from his phone shut him up. He scrambled to grab it, face falling as he looked at the screen.

“What is it?” Shuichi inquired, head tilted with curiosity.

“Nothing, just Riki. He wanted to know who I was hanging out with.”

“Oh did you tell him you we’re going?” that seemed a bit unusual to him, he did not have much of a reason to tell his boyfriend, did he?

“M-m," Kokichi denied with a small shake of his head, “He has a tracker on my phone that alerts him of the people around me,” Kokichi gave him another smile, but it was tight, wry, and shaky, “He got it commissioned just for me! Isn’t that sweet?”

Shuichi paled, breath catching in his throat. That was creepy as hell. Kokichi must know that, right? He should speak up, he should say something!

It was not his place...

“That’s… its…” he couldn’t find his voice. He did not know what to say. Whether it was lucky or not, he couldn’t say, but Kokichi managed to fully pull together his mask, and expanded his pained smile into a believable grin,

“Isn’t it sooo romantic!” he gushed, “I have the most dedicated and passionate boyfriend!”

Shuichi just nodded, pity filling his eyes. He would absolutely hate that, but if Kokichi was okay with it, it must be okay… right?”

He was going to need help with this one.

~♡~

“So what’s up Shuichi? You mentioned a problem?”

Kaede looked up from the piano in her dorm, giving Shuichi a caring smile.

“Y-yeah I came to talk to you about Kokichi…”

“What’s new?” Kaede teased with a giggle, patting the piano bench. Shuichi nodded, understanding the silent message and sitting beside her.

Kaede started strolling her fingers across the keys, playing a gentle tune, “Its easier to let out your thoughts with the rhythm of music guiding you. So tell me what’s on your mind.”

Shuichi hummed, immediately put at ease, “You know of Kokichi’s boyfriend, right?”

Kaede nodded, eyes focused on the keys, “You both have mentioned him, Riki if I remember right,” she spared him a pity-filled glance, “Are you handling the news alright?”

“Yeah…” he whispered solemnly, “Yeah its getting easier, but last week, we had our normal coffee hangout and Kokichi he- he said some disturbing stuff…”

“Disturbing?” Kaede inquired, “How so?”

“Well it wasn’t the first coffee hangout he said odd things,” Shuichi explained, “Remember how four weeks ago he dyed his hair black?”

Kaede nodded, “Yeah its weird. Kokichi just isn’t Kokichi without his purple hair. Wouldn’t tell me why he did it either, just kept saying he ‘felt like it.’”

“It wasn’t him who felt like it, it was Riki. Riki wanted him to have a more normal hair color.”

“What?” Kaede gasped, “That’s- kind of … weird. Its even weirder that Kokichi would listen to him, he isn’t one to care for others opinions.”

“He cares,” Shuichi admitted, “He just doesn’t tend to show it. Self preservation is his top priority, and after he let’s someone into his heart, he can’t let them leave, if they do, he thinks he’ll be hurt again… for the people he’s let in he would do everything, more for his own survival than anything.”

“Oh Kokichi…” Kaede sighed, lowering her song into a simpler rhythm, “He needs to let his walls down. I can’t bear to see him keep hurting himself like this…” Kaede spared him another glance, this time, full of suspicion, “How do you know so much?”

“Spend enough time around someone, even the most distant people, and their façade will falter eventually,” Shuichi answered.

Kaede giggled, “You two are so cute. I can’t believe he doesn’t love-“ she caught the look in his eyes, and decided against finishing her sentence, “What weird stuff happened last week?”

Shuichi jumped, remembering what he had come there for, “Right! First off, he was weirdly jumpy. He would flinch if I got too close, almost defensively.”

“That’s- not very Kokichi-like,” Kaede mentioned, “He’s awfully touchy, as everyone should know.”

Shuichi nodded, “I found it suspicious. And every time he laughed he would stop himself.”

“What, why?” Kaede asked, eyes filling with more concern as the conversation escalated.

“Apparently Riki finds his laugh annoying and wants him to stop laughing.”

Kaede’s notes slowed as she gaped her mouth, “You’re serious? That’s horrible!”

“That’s not even the worst of it,” Shuichi took a breath, “He made a tracker for Kokichi, Kaede. One that tells him everyone around Kokichi.”

Kaede stopped playing, eyes widening, “You’re joking.”

Shuichi shook his head woefully, “I wish…”

“That’s creepy as hell!” Kaede squealed, clutching her hands to her chest, “You’re telling me Kokichi was okay with all of this?”

“He’s lying to himself,” Shuichi revealed, wrapping his arms around himself for security, “I could see it, clear as day. He was telling himself he was okay with it, but I could see his pain.”

“Why would he allow this? Why wouldn’t he just leave?” Kaede rambled off questions in her shocked state.

“I wasn’t joking when I said he would do anything. Once he let’s you into his heart, the idea of you leaving is scarier than anything to him. I’ve had to comfort him through nightmares about me leaving, Rantaro leaving, anyone he's let in. The idea almost seems worse than death to him…”

“Shuichi you can’t let him do this,” Kaede announced, grip whitening her knuckles, “You have to say something!”

“But- but should I?” Shuichi loosened his arms to fiddle with his fingers, “Its not really my place to say anything, its not my relationship.”

“But Kokichi is your friend,” Kaede tenderly placed a hand on Shuichi’s upper arm, “If you don't want him to be in pain, you have to speak up about it.”

“But he must know what he’s doing right? He must know…”

“Maybe he doesn’t, You know how well Kokichi can lie to himself,” Kaede said, rubbing the fabric of his jacket with her thumb.

“But I have to trust him,” Shuichi protested, “If he truly loves this person, maybe he see’s something I don’t,” he locked his gaze onto Kaede’s, “Maybe I don’t know the full story…”

Kaede took a breath, giving her best reassuring smile, “If you truly believe there’s more to learn before you take action, then trust in yourself and wait. I know you know Kokichi enough to make the right decision,” she moved down her hands to grab his, “Just promise me you won’t let your fear of confronting Kokichi overwhelm your logic. Your anxiety is a bit too powerful for its own good.”

Shuichi matched her smile, “I promise I won’t, thank you Kaede.”

“No problem!” She exclaimed, “Make sure to keep me updated! Now…” she reached up to the music stand and started shuffling through the papers, “Wanna keep learning the 24 Preludes?”

~♡~

First reason for suspicion: Kokichi was not there yet.

He walked into the Café, the words Kaede advised to him yesterday still ringing in his ears. Yet, when he looked to their usual location, the seat was vacant. Shuichi’s mind immediately jumped to Riki, and how suspicious he was of Kokichi earlier. Surely he had something to do with his tardiness. He knew it was wrong to jump to conclusions, especially as a detective, but it seemed quite obvious to him.

He decided to just order the coffees, his simple black with a pump of white chocolate and caramel, and the overcomplicated nonsense he’s pretty sure Kokichi just gets to annoy the barista, with so much whipped cream and flavoring he can barely stomach the smell.

He takes his seat at their table, waiting patiently for Kokichi and their orders. Luckily, Kokichi skips in before the coffee can arrive, so at least he doesn’t have to look like he got stood up for more than about five minutes,

“Shumaiii!” Kokichi drew out with a pout, “You managed to get here before me! No fair!” he fell down into his seat, crossing his arms with an exaggerated huff. Shuichi noticed a small glimmer poking out from the edge of his scarf, but he could not make out what it was,

“Oh, you took a lot longer than usual,” Shuichi mentioned, “Did something hold you up?”

“Hm?” Kokichi put on the plastic grin Shuichi was getting much too accustom to for his liking, “Oh I just had to calm Riki’s pretty little head! He thinks we’re secretly dating! Ne-" he bit down on his tongue, grimacing at the action.

Shuichi sighed. He was going to miss his laugh, “That ridiculous, how could he come to that conclusion?”

Kokichi placed a finger on his cheek before answering, “Dunno, not the first time he’s asked so you think he’d get the point by now.”

“Does he not like you coming here?” Shuichi wondered, wishing they didn’t have to talk about his boyfriend so much.

“Nope!” Kokichi exclaimed, far too cheerily, “Ooh but he’s not so obvious about it, tries to be all subtle~ its so hot~”

Shuichi had to beat down the jealously in his stomach, “I see. What’s that?” he pointed towards the sparkle he had previously noticed from his scarf.

Kokichi seemed to light up at the question, “Ooh! Check it out!” he started fiddling with the back of his scarf, the aforementioned falling off in a surprising turn; Kokichi was never one to take it off.

Underneath, a gorgeous diamond choker ran across his neck, so intricate and glamorous it looked like something made for celebrities. Shuichi instinctively gaped at the lustrous jewelry,

“Riki got it for me for our one month anniversary! Isn’t it a beauty?”

“H-how… how much did that…” the sentence died on Shuichi’s lips.

“Cost?” Kokichi finished for him, “Couldn’t tell ya’. Riki wouldn’t budge and since he got it bespoke, I can’t look it up either.”

“Its bespoke?” Shuichi’s stomach kept plummeting further, how could he ever had stood a chance with Kokichi if this was his competition.

“Yep! Take a looksie!” He turned it around, showing the clasp to be the phrase “My Kokichi” spelt out in diamonds. It seemed a bit… possessive to Shuichi, sounding more like a label than a present with that phrase, but he brushed it off. If Kokichi saw it as romantic then who was he to judge?

Kokichi brought his hand to the side of his lips to whisper to Shuichi, “Riki doesn’t want me to wear my scarf anymore so everyone can see it, but you know I can’t do that so don’t tell him kay?”

Shuichi just nodded, that- made it harder to brush off, so he decided to change the conversation before it started bothering him more, “Its nice. How has the shop been?”

“Its been great!” Kokichi gave a cheery smile as he tied his scarf back around his neck. Good, Shuichi never wanted to see that stupid choker again, “It keeps on getting more and more customers! Its harder work but I love to see it being appreciated!”

Something about the way Kokichi was speaking starting concerning Shuichi, but he could not place what was bothering him. Nothing seemed awry, except for the stuck-on puppeted smile, but that was not out if the ordinary by any means. So what was off?

“Did you take time off for the school trip?” Shuichi inquired, trying to continue a normal conversation despite his anxieties,

“Mhm!” Kokichi gave an affirmative bob of his head, “The boss use to hate me, so I doubt he would have let me before, but now that I’m dating his son I’m getting quite the nepotism!”

Something was off,

“I would think that would make the boss hate you more,”

Something was wrong,

“Oh he definitely hates me way more now!”

Something was missing,

“Then why would he treat you better?”

What was gone?

“I bet Riki makes him be nicer to me! Riki's dad listens to whatever he wants, its hilarious to-"

It hit Shuichi like a train,

“You haven’t told a single lie,” Shuichi blurted out, “Not a single one since you walked in.”

Kokichi eyes widened, blinking rapidly. He composed himself, and quickly shifted back into a smile, “Good ear detective, you really are talented!”

“But why?” Shuichi inquired.

“Do you really have to ask?” it was partially a whisper, such poorly hidden sorrow Shuichi was surprised it had come from Kokichi.

“Did Riki want you to stop lying?” Shuichi concluded.

Kokichi just nodded, “It makes sense right?” his smile was filled with so much pain, “Who would want a boyfriend who lies all the time?”

Those words struck an arrow through Shuichi’s heart, “Kokichi this isn’t like you. You said you would never give up your lies for someone.”

“Love does crazy things to you Shushi!” his smile was too sweet to be the same one as just moments before, “You’ll be surprised to learn how much your willing to change for their love!”

Just how far did you let him into his heart, to be so scared of him leaving you that you give up your lies?

But he knew that was Kokichi’s biggest lie. He hadn’t given up lying, no, his walls were up even higher. Now, he just was not admitting when he was lying. He was not letting anyone see. He was scared and defending himself more than ever before.

This cannot be love.

Or could it? What did Shuichi know about love? The only person he had ever loved did not even love him back. Perhaps love truly was something you had to change yourself for. Perhaps that was why he was not loved in return. Maybe he was wrong, maybe Kokichi was just fine, happier than he has ever been. Why should he trust his instincts over his friend? Why was he so scared of trusting his instincts in the first place…

Maybe he was missing a puzzle piece, maybe Riki was just truly looking out for Kokichi, helping him change for the better. Maybe what looked to him as Kokichi sinking deeper into his lies, was him coming closer to the truth-

“Sir?”

The light tap of skin on his shoulder had Shuichi jumping back, lighting up the eyes if the barista who had touched him. The moment he was settled, he continued speaking, “We have been calling your name for awhile, are you alright?”

He glanced over to Kokichi, and saw an expression full of silenced worry, “Y-yes I’m fine,” Shuichi said, turning back to the barista with a face crimson in embarrassment! “I’m- I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it dear, just wanted to check,” she gave him a polite smile and set their drinks on the table, turning back to resume her work. He met Kokichi’s eyes again, and gave him a slight bow,

“Sorry-"

“You were detectiving!”

“W-what?”

Kokichi brought a hand around Shuichi’s, trying to show his honest worry without letting it slip into his words, “I know when you get like that! Your little mind was spinning all over the place with deductions and doubts! What were you detectiving, hm?”

“Its- nothing-" he would leave it for now. It was fine for now. He picked up his drink and started to sip it, “Aren’t you going to try yours? You always complain I get it wrong when I order for you…”

Shuichi did not even want the answer after Kokichi started fidgeting, “Oh- well- not really…” he eyed the drink almost desperately, but tore his gaze away.

Shuichi sighed, he was so sick of asking this question, “And why’s that?”

“I just don’t feel like it,” he admitted far too softly to be Kokichi’s voice, fists falling into his lap.

“I thought Riki told you not to lie anymore…” it was a low blow to make, but he did not see a much more effective way, and sure enough it was just as efficient as he hoped. Kokichi’s grip on his pants immediately tightened, gaze falling to the table,

“Riki told me not to eat sweets anymore… says it’ll make me fat… downloaded an app that regulates my calorie intake on my phone,

“Kichi,” Shuichi prodded gently, “Don’t you think maybe, maybe Riki could be… not- right for you?”

Kokichi almost gasped at the statement, “Of course not! I love him, I love him with every part of my heart… he’s a bit paranoid but everyone has their flaws. I just don’t talk enough about his good qualities, I’m too negative!”

Was that another lie Riki fed him, or is it what he truly believes?

He was really going to need more advice to get through this one.

~♡~

The cool air whipped strands of hair across Shuichi’s face, padding down the damp grass darkened by the deep of the night. His eyes were hooked on the sparkling stars, entertaining himself with their beauty as he traveled across the park. They finally decided on it as their night time training location, and had been meeting up ever since. This night was a bit different though, one of the nights they use a different method of training. A night where they laid on the grass and talked to each other: spilling secrets, sharing stories, and giving advice. These nights were Shuichi’s favorite, this one in particular since they had a special guest joining them. Though the other two were unaware of her presence tonight, Shuichi was fully informed as their guest walked right along side him,

“Thanks for letting me come along,” Kaede graced Shuichi with her warmest smile.

“Its no problem, I’m sure the others won’t mind,” Shuichi reassured, “Why did you want to come anyway?”

Kaede tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “There’s something heavy weighing on your heart. I could sense it all day at school today. I heard you discussing Kaito about ‘talking training’ during lunch and thought you might bring it up? I just wanted to be there to support and help you!”

Shuichi felt his heart melt in his chest. Kaede was the purest angel on this planet, truly one of the greatest friends he could ask for. He definitely was going to bring it up, and having Kaede there just reassured him all the more.

Their conversation ended when they reached the central lake, two familiar figures sitting at its shore: Maki, with her usual attire and hair let down casually, legs tucked under her, and Kaito, crossed-legged across from her with a radiating confidence. Both noticed them appearing, Maki giving a confused look to Kaede and Kaito just waving them both over,

“Yo Shuichi! I see you brought Kaede! Cool!”

“Is it okay for me to be here?” Kaede inquired, waiting to take her seat as Shuichi sat himself down on the grass,

Maki gave a small nod, “As long as you aren’t here to cause trouble there shouldn’t be any issue.”

Kaede lit up at the affirmative feedback, sitting herself next to Shuichi with her legs cast out to the side, “How do you guys usually start?”

“There’s no start to a conversation!” Kaito exclaimed.

“If there wasn’t a start there wouldn't be a conversation idiot,” Maki belittled coldly, “When will you learn to think before you speak?”

“Well I think Shuichi had something he wanted to share,” Kaede prompted, giving him a supportive nudge.

“M-maybe we should wait a bit, I wouldn’t want to dampen the mood so quick,” Shuichi started prattling, hands pulling up in defense,

Kaito turned his gaze to Shuichi, “That’s nonsense! If something keeping my sidekick down its my job to lift him up!”

“A low-mood conversation is definitely more interesting than if cats can store warmth in their fur, so I don’t think you have to worry about it,” Maki said, shooting an accusatory glance at Kaito.

Kaito gave a dramatic gasp, “It was a great conversation starter Maki Roll!”

Maki ignored him with a roll of her eyes, “So start speaking,” she demanded Shuichi, almost threateningly.

Shuichi swallowed, still his nervous jitters, “Well- um- I’ve told you about Kokichi’s boyfriend before, and I’m sure Kokichi has too.”

“That brat doesn’t shut up about him,” Kaito grumbled.

“I’ve heard a lot about him from our weekly coffee meetings-“

“Dates,” Maki corrected.

“What- no! He’s- anyway… recently I’ve been noticing a lot of strange behavior. All of which I told Kaede about…”

Kaito turned his attention towards Kaede, “Really?”

Kaede nodded, “Shuichi told me Kokichi dyed his hair because Riki didn’t like his natural hair color being so- abnormal. He told me Riki didn’t want him laughing anymore because he finds it annoying.”

“Riki isn’t wrong, I don’t want him laughing either,” Maki’s tone is ever as cold, but concern is evident behind the scarlet of her eyes.

“He also told me that Kokichi seizes up whenever people come near him, and that-" she stopped to taking a soothing breath, “and that Riki has a tracker on him.”

Shuichi and Kaede watched as the trainee’s faces fell into shock, clearly appalled. It brought an uneasy relief to Shuichi, knowing that his own concern was not trivial,

“That’s just- creepy,” Kaito grimaced with a shiver.

“As far as I know, a tracker tends to be used to locate your enemies, so why would his significant other place one on him?”

“Trackers are used for a lot of things,” Kaede reminded her, “From what I remember, Shuichi told me this one was made especially for Kokichi, and alerts Riki to all people around him.”

“He made an app like that just for him?” Kaito exclaimed in disbelief, “Where’d he get that kind of money?”

“Riki comes from an incredibly wealthy family,” Shuichi explained, “I’m sure it wasn’t hard for him at all.”

“The way you say it Kaede,” Maki spoke up, “Makes it sound like it was suppose to be a gift or romantic gesture.”

“What? How?” Shuichi asked with evident shock.

“Saying he took the time to make it for him, and that it just shows him the people around Kokichi. You make it seem like a gift for his safety.”

Shuichi shook his head, “Kokichi didn’t think of it like that,”

“Oh?” Maki voiced with a raised eyebrow, “And how do you know that?”

“I know him,” Shuichi explained simply, “The way he spoke, the face he made. It brought him pain, it made him uncomfortable. I can’t imagine Riki wouldn’t be able to see that.”

Maki nodded, “I have no doubt. Now that we cleared out the intended purposes were not for Kokichi, what did you do with this information?”

“Well,” Shuichi started nervously, glancing at Kaede, “I- didn’t do much… I didn’t think it was worth trying to push it, so Kaede suggested I wait until I had more information to decide what to do.”

“Have you got more?” Kaede asked, eyes glistening in curiosity.

Shuichi nodded, swallowing the sick that threatened to come up his throat, “It got worse- again.”

“What’s new?” Kaito asked.

“At our last coffee- hangout, he didn’t lie a single time. At least, not compulsively.”

“No compulsive lies?” Kaede reiterated, “From Kokichi?”

“And was this Riki’s doing?” Maki checked with confidence.

Shuichi just nodded again, “Riki didn’t want him lying anymore. He- he took away what made him- him.”

“Ok that’s too hard to believe,” Kaito huffed, “Kokichi’s a stubborn little bastard. There’s no way he would give up something so important to him just because someone asked him too.”

“He didn’t actually stop lying you idiot,” Maki explained in a condescending tone.

“What?”

“Maki's right,” Shuichi affirmed, “He just stopped- lying without meaning. He buried down his lies into something only he could see, even then, he can’t see a lot of his own lies either. He said he gave up his lies, but all he really did was throw up more walls.”

“That’s so horrible,” Kaede whimpered, “How could Riki do this to him?”

“He should leave!” Kaito yelled, “Why would he stay with such a controlling prick?”

“Shuichi explained it to me before,” Kaede notified, voice still heavy with sorrow, “It’s the way Kokichi keeps himself safe.”

“I don’t get it,” Shuichi added, “Its like- he thinks betraying Riki would be like betraying himself…”

Maki explained, “It very could be to him. In those kind of relationships, the victim can often feel… attached to the controller, as if they are one in the same. It can feel like the pain they cause the other will hurt them too, because that is the idea the controller will force into their head.”

“Kokichi is way too smart to be manipulated like that!” Kaito rebutted, “If anything, he should be the controller!”

Shuichi shook his head, “I’m sure he knows, deep down he knows he is being manipulated, but it just loops back to the issue before. He's too scared to leave, to be betrayed by his own emotions, to have been wrong again in who he put his trust in. He’s doing this for his own survival, and to survive, he’s lied to himself enough that he no longer believes he is being controlled.”

“I hate to say it, but that does sound like Kokichi,” Kaede admitted, “He just- lies to himself way, way too much.”

“Do you believe it is serious enough to act on Shuichi?” Maki inquired, keeping the conversation on track.

“Its horrible,” Shuichi answered, “But alone, I think I would have waited. Only because there is a silver lining to it. Not lying, can be something you think would be better for a person.”

Kaede gave an affirmative bob of her head, “Especially if you haven’t known them for long.”

“But the thing is… it wasn’t the only thing I learned…”

“There’s more?” Kaito groaned, concern weighing down his expressions.

Shuichi hated the fact he had to nod, “He came in late, I assume because of rebuttal from Riki, but that’s just retrospection. I went ahead and ordered his usual drink for him. When he eventually did show up, and I offered him his drink, he wouldn’t take it.”

The rims of Kaede’s eyes glistened with tears, her empathy clearly showing, “Please don’t tell me…”

“Riki doesn’t allow him to eat sweets,” Shuichi finished for her, “H-he told him it will m-make him fat and… downloaded an app on- on his phone that regulates his calories…”

The field fell silent, all trainees just sitting in mournful shock. After too many heavy minutes, Maki spoke up,

“Do you think this is abuse?”

Shuichi blinked rapidly, “W-what?”

“Do you think Kokichi is in an abusive relationship?” Maki’s tone was cold and strict, leaving no room to avoid the question.

Shuichi began fiddling his fingers. It was not something he had given much thought to, it was not something he had wanted to give thought to, but with the question weighing on his mind, he still felt an empty void of knowledge that left him unable to answer it, whether it was self-inflicted or external, he just could not tell, “I- I don’t know.”

“Alright then, what do you think counts as an abusive relationship?”

“W-well… I guess any relationship in which one partner inflicts pain on the other and has no intention to change…”

“Do you think Riki’s doing that to Kokichi?” Kaede added gently, placing her hand on his to ease his nerves.

It was an effective method, clearing up some of the swirling mass circulating in his mind, “Riki is hurting Kokichi, I’m just not sure of how badly… or if he really means to do it.”

Kaito out a hand to his chin, “Yeah you’re right. To be honest, it doesn’t really sound like he is trying to hurt him. He sounds like a pretty good guy.”

“That is because of the gentle wording Shuichi is using,” Maki accused, “He is making the situation sound better than it actually is, in my opinion, strictly out of fear of having to confront it,” he shifted her gaze from Kaito over to Shuichi, “In your explanations to both Kaede before and me and Kaito here, your use of terminology and tone has undermined your message.”

“I-I don’t understand,” Shuichi was quite shocked by her accusation, whatever he was truly being accused of, he certainly wasn’t doing it intentionally.

“Let me explain what’s happening correctly, and then maybe you’ll understand,” Maki folded her hands in her lap, staring pointedly at the ground in front of her, “The way Shuichi explained it: Kokichi changed his hair color and stopped laughing to please Riki, seizes a bit when people are around, has a tracker Riki put on him for his safety, stopped lying because Riki thinks its better for him since he doesn’t know him that well, as well as told him not to eat sweets for his health.”

“Yeaaaah,” Kaito drew out, clearly not following.

“Now here’s what really happening: Riki forced Kokichi to change his hair color and laugh because he wanted a normal, perfect boyfriend, he’s freezing up, implying he is scared of him, is being tracked to make sure he doesn’t do anything Riki doesn’t want him to, isn’t allowed to lie because it's a flaw, or eat sweets because it would make him gain weight, despite the fact Kokichi is already underweight and has a problem with eating.”

The park fell silent once again, Shuichi dwelling over the fact Maki knew of his eating habits, but he didn’t have much time to think, as Kaito brought back the conversation,

“Well that definitely sounds like he’s trying to hurt him without an intention of changing…”

“Y-yeah…” Kaede reluctantly agreed.

“You need to confront him,” Maki concluded, eyes never moving, voice never fluctuating, “Just tell him that he’s an idiot and he needs to leave him. Its simple. If he doesn’t do it, make him.”

“It doesn’t work like that Maki,” Kaede apprised gently, “He can’t force him… and he shouldn’t be harsh about it,” she turned her attention to Shuichi, “You have to be careful. Things like this are… finicky. The way I see it, Kokichi’s trapped, and he doesn’t know it. You have to bring out the logical side of him that knows how to escape.”

“But he says he loves him,” Shuichi mewled, “I don’t want to ruin what he loves so much…”

Kaede leaned her warm weight into him, resting their hands together, “Sometimes the things we love hurt us, and we have to move on, you love your parents, don’t you?”

It was a comparison that made him flinch, but it was one that had to be made, “Y-yeah…”

“You don’t have to take any action yourself, it’s clear he isn’t in danger, but you have to bring it up with him so he can take the action that’s right from him.”

“I'm- I'm scared…” Shuichi finally admitted, pulling his hands out of Kaede’s to cover his face, “I don’t want to do it- I don’t want to hurt him or offend him or have himlookatmewiththoseeyes-"

“Calm down Shuichi, “ Kaito assured, moving next to Shuichi rest a steady hand on his back, “You’re my sidekick! You can handle anything!”

“IcanthandleitIcan't-"

“Breathe Shuichi, “ Kaede whispered softly, trying to soothe him, “Breathe.”

Shuichi took a few deep breathe as Kaito kept speaking, “Look how much you have handled already! You took off your hat, you’ve taken murder cases, you actively go out to spend time with Kokichi and train every day, and you’ve confronted your parents! If you can handle all of that, this should be nothing!”

Shuichi took a deep breath, using Kaito’s words to still his anxiety and look up into his eyes, “Thank you, Kaito. You’re right. I can do this.”

“You should invite him somewhere peaceful and calming,” Maki suggested, “Somewhere he is more likely to talk.”

“How about this park?” Kaede added enthusiastically, “You guys share a lot here right? It must be great for it!”

“Yeah you’re right!” Kaito concluded, “This place is awesome for conversations, It’ll be great!”

Shuichi nodded confidently, “Alright then. Tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll do it.”

Kaede squealed, squeezing Shuichi tightly, “You’ve got this Shuichi! I’m so proud of you!”

~♡~

It felt no different than the night before: the grass, the breeze, only the bright sun beating down on his skin rather than a glittery sky full of night time's crystals. The beauties of the dark were replaced by wisps of white running across a pale blue, another wonder of the world that only accentuated the variety of colors painted across the park. Voices echoed through the sparse trees: children laughing, teenagers gossiping, and adults lost in polite conversing. For such a large city, this park was usually quite empty, so it always a pleasant location for the occasional, or nightly, get together.

Shuichi himself was among the few people dotted around, walking down the dirt pathway to look for another. Upon reaching the Southern entrance, he was perfectly in time to spot Kokichi walking through, pulling sunglasses off and resting them on the top of his head. He gave a polite smile, the shorter reciprocating by running over, waving a hand enthusiastically,

“Shumai!” the violette squealed, impacting heavily with Shuichi’s arm and wrapping his own around it.

Shuichi flinched as the plastic of Kokichi’s sunglasses collided into his arm, but patted his head nonetheless, “You seem excited…”

“Of course I am!” Kokichi averred, “Its not every day I get to go on a lovely date with my lovely Shumai to somewhere completely new!” he dramatically took to spinning around, eyes casting around the open terrain, “Why are we here anyway?”

“I just thought it would be a nice change of pace- HEY IT’S NOT A DATE!” Shuichi’s mind caught up to what Kokichi had set, blurting out in a harsh tone.

Kokichi immediately recoiled, curling in on himself and backing away from Shuichi, “Sorry!” his eyes were screwed shut, hands clasped around his scalp as if he were expecting something else.

Shuichi gaped, shocked at the unusual reaction. Kokichi certainly had been far more jumpy than usual as of late, but that was quite the escalated reaction, “I'm- I’m sorry I didn’t mean to- yell…”

Kokichi quickly bounced back, throwing on a specious smile and fluttering his lashes innocently, “Oh don’t apologize to little ol’ me! I’m just totally high on caffeine so all my senses are super heightened!” he brought his fists to his chest, leaning forward with shining eyes, “I’m like a cute little baby deer! Nee-" he slapped a hand over his mouth, clearly he hadn’t mastered the art of not laughing yet.

“I don’t think baby deer have heightened senses…” Shuichi corrected, a finger to his chin in contemplation.

“Details! Details!” Kokichi hooked his fingers around Shuichi’s, pulling him down the paved pathway, “Shall we explore the great unknown?”

“It very well known…” Shuichi muttered under his breath.

Kokichi gave a roll of his eyes, “God, do you ever have any fun?”

“I have plenty of fun,” Shuichi argued, “We're hanging out here because of me!”

They entered a grove of trees, the dense foliage blotting out the sun. The air cooled in consequence, chilling wind sending shivers down Shuichi’s spine. He cringed at the abrupt change in weather, eyes opening to see Kokichi had halted them both, the shorter staring back at him with an eerie smile, yet what unnerved Shuichi was his eyes. They were full of- distrust.

The last time Kokichi gave him that look- he did not even want to think about.

“But you have an ulterior motive, don’t you?”

Shuichi swallowed thickly. It was hard to remember how terrifying his best friend could be, with his normal carefree attitude fogging up the memories of his calculating, cold nature,

“Why did you ask me here Shuichi?”

Shuichi took a deep breath, just as Kaede told him too. He should have known he would not be able to manipulate Kokichi. What truly made him believe he could have brought it up casually? It was a serious matter, it was going to be treated as such,

He didn’t want it to be.

“Riki,” Shuichi finally answered, “It’s about Riki.”

It was evident Kokichi was not expecting that, as his head tilted in curiosity, “What about him?”

He couldn’t meet his gaze, it was terrifying, “I’m- I’m worried about you ‘Kichi. The way- the way Riki treats you isn’t healthy.”

A dark shadow fell upon Kokichi’s eyes, violet piercing through it, “Come again?”

He knew what it was like. Every time someone judged him for spending time with Kokichi it was like a knife to his heart. He couldn’t even imagine, if it had come from his best friend,

“He- he hurts you!” he blurted out, shoving his face into his hands, “I can’t take it! It isn’t right, he controls everything you do and I can tell you aren’t happy-"

“Shuichi…” his voice was so much softer than Shuichi had expected, feeling the soft texture of his hands pulling his own away from his face. The light entered Shuichi’s eyes, showing him a soft, innocent smile, full of pure happiness, an expression Shuichi couldn’t explain,

“Do I look like I’m not happy?”

He opened his mouth, but just closed it again,

“I promise you have nothing to worry about. I love Riki; he may have his issues, but so do I. We help each other, and we couldn’t be happier.”

We…

We.

His eyes were that of a detective, looking into someone he knew so well. A skilled liar, surely, smile leaving no room to doubt, but you never should look at a liar’s smile, you should look at their eyes.

The sparkle was true, a perfect imitation, but they shook. Pupils quivering, dilating, darting sporadically. Dark, bruise-hued bags weighed down the rims. A part of Kokichi was screaming, screaming desperately for help, but it was silent.

No- No he's happy… he said he’s happy, he looked happy. I have to trust him.

His scream was silent too.

Kokichi kept leading him along, no words passing between them. The heavy air dissipated as they left the grove, skies far more clouded than before. Nonetheless, sunshine shone through, illuminating all the gorgeous meadow. To Shuichi, it was drearier than ever.

~♡~

They found themselves sitting on a bench, a red smoothie in Shuichi’s hand, and a blue smoothie set beside Kokichi. They were chatting idly, laughing and smiling like the conversation in the grove had never happened. Kokichi was leaned lightly on Shuichi’s shoulder, speech slurred in a way that disturbed Shuichi. He didn’t want to mention it, not after the Riki conundrum.

Shuichi finally got his answer after the weight on his shoulder increased during his explanation of a case to the shorter. He halted his sentence immediately, tracking his eyes down to the cause, a smile pulling at his lips. The soft hum of steady breath warmed his arm, delicate lashes hanging over closed eyes. His chest rose and fell in a rhythmic pattern. The sleeping state only accentuated the bags under his eyes,

He’s exhausted,Shuichi concluded, but… why?

His mind immediately jumped to Riki. Any normal detective would scoff at such a biased answer, but it seemed rather logical to Shuichi. With Kokichi’s closed off nature, he has no clue what else Riki could be doing to him-

No! He’s happy, he’s happy, he’s happy…

No matter how much he tried to convince himself, he just couldn’t believe Kokichi could be happy with someone like him.

Why can’t he be happy with someone like me?

Was that it? Was it his own jealously that kept shoving Riki into the dark? But how could it be, when Kaede, Kaito, and Maki all agreed with him too? Perhaps they were jealous as well, jealous for their close friend. Maybe… maybe they were trying to ruin Kokichi’s happiness. It seemed possible for Maki, maybe even Kaito, but it was so hard to imagine Kaede being that spiteful. Nonetheless, the conclusion made sense to him, sense in the twisted mind that just couldn’t agree with his friends,

Why did he refuse to listen to his heart?

He recalled what he had said the night before. He was scared, scared of hurting his best friend. Was that really true? Why would he be afraid to help his friend? Why- why did he keep spinning in circles? Time, after time he has been told what to do, told what to say. Over and over, he refused to take action, climbed back into the hole, let Kokichi throw up the walls. His heart knows the truth, why won’t his head listen? Why won’t his mouth listen? Why can he never say what he wants to say?

“I’m sorry…” Shuichi whispered, feeling heat and tension rise on the corner of his eyes. He started stroking his hand through Kokichi’s hair, the aforementioned mumbling and shifting closer, “I’m sorry I’m such a coward… I-I want to help you I really do but-" his throat felt as if it was being stuffed full of cotton, water starting to pool into his eyes, “but I’m so scared. I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t want Riki to hurt you either… E-everyone keeps telling me w-what to do, even m-me… so why- why does one th-thing you say shut m-my mouth? W-why do you have s-so much power over m-me?”

He buried his face in Kokichi’s head, stifling a sob in the vibrant locks. He held him close, letting his comforting warmth dry his tears. He sat in a comfortable silence, listening to Kokichi’s breaths contradict the passing breeze. It wasn’t long before a peculiar alarm starting vibrating Kokichi’s phone. It was distressing, yet somehow soft. He noticed Kokichi’s face contort into discomfort as the sound began, so he pulled his phone out of his back pocket to identify the source.

The screen was submerged in white, an exclamation mark centered in the middle of a red button. Under the button, a message read,

Too close of contact, back away

It flashed, and the message changed,

Riki has been notified

The two messages switched back and forth, Shuichi scowling as rage built up in his throat. It wasn’t a lie, Riki really did install an app that told him about people around him, and when he got too close, he gets a warning? What kind of sick, twisted app was this? It made Shuichi want to crush the phone in his hand, but he opted for pressing the button, and placing the phone on the ground instead.

As he looked back to the leader, he noticed his expression had not faltered, still twisted in what look to almost be- fear? His mumbling had increased, eyebrows pinched together with wrinkles creasing his face. His grip on Shuichi tightened, allowing him to feel the slow beginnings of trembling. Shuichi held him closer, trying to detect what was amiss, yet he could not find any evident triggers. He kept looking in confusion, noticing the sheen of sweat forming on his forehead, and the cool clamminess of it in his hands.

Shuichi started to worry as the symptoms only increased. When the beginnings of tears started pooling in Kokichi’s eyes, mumblings almost decipherable, he finally decided to risk Kokichi’s comfort and started shaking his shoulder,

“’Kichi…” he whispered, own anxieties completely stilled with worry for his friend, “Wake up ‘Ki-"

”NO!”

Shuichi fell off the bench with a thud, ignoring the shock to focus on Kokichi, who had fallen off as well. He was shaking sporadically on the floor, heaving and sobbing in a puddle of tears, folded in as to protect himself from something on the outside. The sight broke Shuichi’s heart.

Shuichi noticed worried and suspicious glances from onlookers, so quickly took action to crawl over to Kokichi, blocking the view from those passing by. He tentatively reached out his hand, stilling his fears to place a hand on his head,

“I’M SORRY!” Kokichi screamed as soon as the hand made contact, only curling in on himself more, “I’m sorry- I’m sorry- I’m so sorry- please, I’m sorry…” his voice was barely a whisper, words strangled from a lack of breath as he hyperventilated.

It was all Shuichi could do not to cry out in worry and pity, dragging his hand down to cup Kokichi’s tear-drenched cheek, “Hey, why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong. Take a breath Kimchi, look at me.”

Kokichi complied with the first order, struggling but managing choking gasps. He slowly brought his head up, leaning heavily into Shuichi’s hand as his posture fixed himself into somewhat upright, arms falling from his head to wrap around his stomach.

Shuichi allowed Kokichi normalize his breath some more, tenderly rubbing his thumb on Kokichi’s scalp, “Why are you crying?”

At that, Kokichi's eyes shot open, “I’m- I’m crying?” he shot himself upright, and starting furiously swiping at the tears with his fingers, “No no no no no- I can’t cry- I can’t cry-“

“Ko’, ko’, calm down,” Shuichi reassured in a hushed tone, recovering from the shock of his new outburst, “Of course you can cry, why can’t you cry?”

Kokichi’s breathing started to quicken again, “He said- He will- no no no I can’t cry I can never cry…”

Shuichi’s breath caught in his throat. He did not need any more information to draw a conclusion. It was too far, it was always too far. He pulled Kokichi against his chest, holding him protectively and biting his tongue on the lecture he wanted to give, “He’s not here right now, he can’t see you cry.”

His words seemed to almost reach Kokichi, who stilled in shock and thought for a moment,

“You can always cry on me,”

His words were still too far away. Kokichi pursed his lips together as tight as he could, squeezing his eyes shut. He gripped his pant legs firmly, breath completely shut off. After a moment of absolute stillness, he fluttered open his eyes, all emotions swallowed deep into his soul, to scream and cry somewhere no one could see.

He gave Shuichi a shaky, but recognizable plastic grin, “N-now why would I wanna do that? Shumai’s an- an awful pillow!”

The trembling gasps were taking longer to resolve, but they were dissolving far too quickly as well. Shuichi did all he could not to spit in disgust. Kokichi had finally opened up enough to lean on him for support after years of concrete walls, and Riki had taken it all away for a chance at a perfect boyfriend. His fear was ever so slowly dissolving into pure, deep hatred,

“What's with the face Sh-shumai?” Kokichi inquired cheekily, swiping off the remaining dampness on his face, “Stop being so scaaary!”

“Sorry…” Shuichi conceded, saving his anger for a time Kokichi was more steady. They were meeting up again tomorrow, he could make up his mind then, “How are you feeling?”

“Never better!” Kokichi chirped, batting his eyelashes innocently, “Awe, was my Shushi Roll worried about me?”

Shuichi rolled his eyes, with a smile beginning to adorn his lips, remnants of anger washing away with Kokichi’s lighthearted voice.

His eyes tracked over to Kokichi’s phone, grabbing it to hand it back to his friend. Yet as he pulled the phone up to him, the screen illuminated itself, a readable message appearing on the screen,

♡Riki♡
Get home now.

A pit formed in Shuichi’s stomach, a droplet of rain falling onto the screen as the clouds started to darken into a deeper hue,

A storm was coming.

~♡~

Shuichi’s head and heart were heavy as he traveled down the road he had walked so many times before, mind completely focused on Kokichi. He had not contacted him since yesterday. At the time, he had given Kokichi his phone and alerted him of the message from Riki. He proceeded to read it, and run off without another word.

Worry still bubbled in Shuichi's stomach, unaware of what Riki could have done to him. Despite this, his determination was stilled. Today was the day he would confront Kokichi about Riki without backing down, no matter how much it pained his friend. Hurting someone to help, it seemed like such an outlandish idea, yet he could no longer deny that actions needed to proceed as such, and used his newfound confidence to enter the coffee shop one more time, immediately spotting Kokichi in their- no,

That couldn’t be him.

But he couldn’t deny it, he looked no different than usual.

Except for the giant bruise on his right cheek.

It was absolutely disgusting: a deep purple with splotches of green tints, veins hued a dark blue, and red sore skin surrounding it. It did not seem to be affecting Kokichi, as his smile was just as pure, demeanor just as carefree.

Shuichi stepped so slowly, breath still, eyes widened. He usually wouldn’t react so harshly to a bruise, but after yesterday’s situation, he could only think of one situation that could have caused that.

He knew he wasn’t wrong.

“Hey! Shu-"

“Who did that to you?”

Asking was just a formality, a poor attempt to bury all his grinding rage deep inside him, but he couldn’t. It wanted to jump right out of his throat, screaming until the sun had set. He would hold off, he had to hold off. There was a chance, even just the smallest chance he could be mistaken,

“Oh this cutie? Don’t worry about it Riki just-"

He wasn’t mistaken.

“Wha- HEY WAIT!”

He did not even give Kokichi time to finish his sentence, bolting back the way he came without a second thought. Based on all the evidence he collected, there was only one place that bastard could be, sacred ground he shouldn’t dare to enter, but Shuichi knew he did.

The world was a blur as he sprinted, almost animalistic instincts overtaking him. Logic less action was something far from common for him, but there was no more need for it. He could barely breathe with the pulsating anger. This was way, way too far. He would put an end to this, once and for all, no matter what Kokichi said or wanted.

He was a detective after all, it was his job to catch dirty criminals.

He was rather fortunate Kokichi lived in walking distance, for he was not sure he could sprint a car drive away, yet lucky there was some distance, as it gave him time to calm himself down. He wasn’t sure what would happen when he reached Riki in a full state of rage, but he surely did not want to find out.

He had enough time to devise the loose ends of the plan before he reached the north dormitory of Hopes Peak Academy. He had always thought him and Kokichi were meant to be apart since they were placed in completely opposite dormitories, and the introduction of Riki heightened that fear, but it didn’t matter to him anymore. He was no longer upset they weren’t meant to be, as long as he could make Kokichi happy. He would always sacrifice his own happiness for him.

Seeing no time to sit patiently in an elevator, he trekked up two flights of stairs, sprinting down the hall to the Ultimate Supreme Leader dorm. Each of them had dorm rooms specifically tailored to their talent, Kokichi’s being quite extravagant because of it. Yet, as he slammed open the door, he watched a rodent scamper around, digging through papers and piles without sparing him a glance,

“Good, your back,” Riki voiced as he shuffled through another pile, Shuichi had to admit his voice was just as pretty as he looked. The fact someone so perfect could be so heartless truly shifted his view on humanity, “I was hoping you would stay out a little longer. It isn’t easy to find evidence of you cheating in this pigsty.”

“What the hell do you think your doing?” Shuichi spat, grip on the doorway only tightening as his glare hardened. He had never met this man before, yet somehow, he felt no anxiety in him being a stranger, not when he put Kokichi’s happiness in jeopardy.

Riki seemed shocked at the unfamiliar voice and snapped his head up to it’s source, face falling into apathy when he saw the intruder, “Oh, you’re that guy my Kokichi keeps going out with. Shu- Shu something.”

The word “my” made his stomach turn, “Shuichi, Shuichi Saihara,” he began to approach Riki with gritted teeth, all nerves leaving his body, “What are you doing looking through his stuff?”

Riki stood, dusting off his knees with an annoyed sigh, “Well I am his boyfriend Saihara, I believe I am allowed to do whatever I want with his stuff. You however, have no excuse to be in here without his permission.”

“That’s no excuse,” Shuichi scowled heavily, “You shouldn’t be rifling through his stuff.”

“I’ll have you know I am looking for something rather important,” Riki stated calmly, crossing his arms haughtily, “So unless you have business here I suggest you leave.”

Shuichi scoffed, “I do actually- you’re going to tell me why Kokichi changed his hair color,” he felt the usual instincts of a pure-born detective coursing through him, pointing his finger accusingly.

“It was positively atrocious,” Riki stated simply, “You should have seen the weird looks he got. Whose born with purple hair anyway? So, he changed it. You seem to be accusing me of something.”

It hurt so much more coming from Riki himself, “And why he isn’t allowed to laugh.”

Shuichi was met with a suspicious glint, “Have you heard his laugh? He sounds like a dying horse. What are these questions about? I’ve only just met you and you’re acting like I’m on trial for Kokichi's decisions.”

“I don’t care. Tell me why he flinched whenever I get close,”

“Well-“

“Tell me why he can’t lie, tell me why he can’t eat sweets, tell me why he has a tracker on him, why he’s having nightmares, why he keeps saying sorry so much, why he has A FUCKING BRUISE ON HIS FACE!” He clenched his fists, trying his hardest not to punch him as he assumed he did to Kokichi.

At this point, Riki scrunched his face up, clearly starting to get annoyed, “Look I don’t care how close you are to Kokichi or what kind of person you think you are but if you think I’m going to let you just barge in on my personal business and start accusing me of nonsense you are sorely mistaken,” he approached quite intimidatingly, but Shuichi held his ground, “Me and Kokichi had a… disagreement yesterday, about how much time he spends with you. Clearly, he is interested in other men and I’m not one to be played with. I simply stated my ground, and when he dared talk back to me made sure he wouldn’t anymore, is that clear? Or do I need to run someone as slow as you through it again?”

The insults towards himself passed through his mind without incident, yet the harsh stabs to someone he held so close had him doing something he never had before, raising his fist up to attack, “YOU’RE GONNA-"

“SHU!”

Shuichi froze in place, Riki’s expression stuck in surprise. He slowly turned his head, gilded grey eyes meeting worry-filled amethyst. He was panting from exterion, holding both hands to his chest, “Stop… please,”

“Kichi…” Shuichi mewled, shying away from Riki in embarrassment.

“I see you didn’t tell him to stop calling you those disgusting nicknames,” Riki growled, pushing Shuichi away to walk up to Kokichi, “Its like you’re asking me to be suspicious, how bad of a liar can you be?”

“I already told you Riki… we aren’t dating...” Kokichi’s voice was barely a whisper, eyes full of fear. This was not a Kokichi Shuichi recognized, a smileless fear-filled soul.

“Well you sure aren’t working hard at convincing me otherwise. Did you send your guard dog to attack me?” his voice was steadily reaching roaring volumes, “I BET THAT’S IT HUH? YOU WE’RE TOO MUCH OF A FUCKING COWARD TO HURT ME YOURSELF SO YOU SENT YOUR BIG, STRONG SECRET BOYFRIEND TO ATTACK ME? IS THAT IT?”

Kokichi was trying to back up, clutching his head with his hands, but no matter how many steps he took Riki followed, “No, no, I’m sorry, please don’t, he isn’t- we aren’t- I’m sorry!”

“YOU’RE FUCKING GONNA BE!”

Wham!

The dorm went silent as the sickening sound echoed throughout the room, Kokichi’s eyes screwed shut in anticipation. Yet as nothing happened, he blinked open his eyes, throwing both hands over his mouth at the sight.

Shuichi was standing in front of him, clutching his face as he started falling to the ground, catching himself with one of his hands. The silence hung so heavy, it felt louder than any sound,

“Well he’s a fucking idiot,” Riki broke the silence with, his horrible laugh echoing throughout the room.

Something inside of Kokichi broke.

“You’re the idiot,” his eyes stayed cast on the floor, nails digging into the palms of his hands.

“What did you just say?” Riki hissed.

“I said…” Kokichi finally looked up. His face was full of pure malice: horrifying grin speak to each corner, eyes digging into the darkest corner of Riki’s soul. The entire room dropped to frigid temperatures, the dark energy oozed throughout the room, leaving Riki trembling horribly, “YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT!”

“…” Riki couldn’t speak, he didn’t even know who he was looking at anymore. Kokichi took a step forward, Riki immediately falling backwards and pushing himself across the floor. That wasn’t his boyfriend, that was a demon,

“I don’t care what you do to me,” his voice was husky and broken, that of an amalgamation from the pits of hell, “You can scream at me, you can beat me ‘till I bleed, but you will never touch Shuichi,”

“I’m- I,”

Kokichi walked closer, steps heavy against the floor as he wiped the foundation from under his eyes, “You don’t control me anymore, you don’t own me anymore. I won’t let you hurt him EVER!”

“P-please…”

Kokichi ripped the diamond choker from his neck, and threw it at Riki, “We’re over.”

He walked away without another word, crouching down next to Shuichi to help him stand up. He was still clutching his face, clearly not processing the situation, “Come on Shu… let’s go,” he led Shuichi to the door-

“WAIT!” Riki screamed, reaching pointlessly towards Kokichi, “PLEASE DON’T LEAVE! I’M SORRY I’LL-"

“When you’re done figuring out I never cheated on you, get out of my room.” Kokichi slammed the door behind him.

~♡~

Shuichi finally started to process the situation as he felt his shoulders shaking, coming back enough to feel warm skin on his own,

“Shuichi…” Kokichi whispered, “Shushi I need your keys.

Shuichi nodded, slugging towards to door and pulling his Keychain from his pocket. Trusting Kokichi’s sense of direction, he attempted to unlock the door in front of him, proving successful as it opened into the Ultimate Detective’s dorm. He stumbled inside, finding his way to the couch to plop down with a big sigh. Today was way too eventful for his liking, and he let the familiar smell of his apartment soothe his adrenaline.

He watched Kokichi walk over as well, sitting next to him with his legs crossed over each other. He met Shuichi’s gaze, face illuminated by the moonlight from the window directly across from them as he lifted his fingers to Shuichi’s injured cheek, “Is your face okay?”

“Yeah,” Shuichi whispered, just as gently, “Yeah I’ll be fine…”

“Good,” Kokichi fingers remained dusting his cheek, yet his gaze fell below. They sat in silence, the soft hum of the night filling both their ears. Slowly, Kokichi started to purse his lips, his fingers pushed heavier, he gritted his teeth, he squeezed his eyes shut.

A sob broke through the silence.

Shuichi pulled the shaky, sobbing mess of a boy into his lap, tenderly holding him to his chest with tight, protective arms. Before long, his hiccups and sobs turned into loud, pained wails that shattered any quiet,

“I-I-I-I'm s-s-S-ORRY-Y-y-y,” he could barely speak between the wails and sobs and heaves, eyes pouring salty liquid that reddened his face, “R-R-R-RIK-KI I-I'M S-S-so-o sorry-y-y!” his voice waned and wilted between screams and whispers, starting a coughing fit from the harsh tone,

“Shhh,” Shuichi hushed gently, “You don’t have to apologize to him, you didn’t do anything wrong.

“Noooo,” Kokichi whined, “I-I li-i-ied! H-he alway-ay-ays th-thought w-we we’re da-dati-ting, b-but I s-s-said I did-didn’t l-like youuuuu!”

“W-what?” Shuichi could barely process what he heard, “You…”

“I did-didn’t w-w-wanna m-make h-him mad c-cuz h-h-h-he was m-my boy-boyfriend an-and I-I was-wasn’t s-suppose to l-love y-you so I-I lied and-and lied and- and liedandliedandliedandlied-"

“It’s okay,” right now, it didn’t matter what he meant, all that mattered was that he was safe and he could be happy, “Hey I love you too. You’re safe now, you don’t have to lie anymore.”

“B-but I l-l-l-LOVE HIIIIIIM!” he wailed and he wailed and he screamed in the agony of losing the one he loved,

“I know,” Shuichi whispered, “I know.”

He knew the pain. Having to accept someone you love was awful, was hurting you, it broke your very soul. Shuichi knew it oh so well, but he never experienced it like this. He couldn’t-

His mind was cut off by a pair of lips on his own. He reeled in shock, body freezing up, but finally relaxed when he realized what was happening, and leaned in to the softness of Kokichi’s lips. It left him breathless, it carried his soul, but…

It was not a kiss of pure happiness. It was pain, it was loss, it was a soul that needed to mend and heal before it could kiss with happiness again. It was a soul that was waiting, waiting to be opened again, so it could try and feel what it couldn’t before,

“I love you,” Kokichi sobbed into his chest. Shuichi just brought a hand to head, and played with the stands of his hair. He knew Kokichi wasn’t experiencing any of his emotions properly, and he probably would for time to come. But he could wait, he would always wait for Kokichi, and he would help him heal along the way.

Kokichi cried well into the night; though it held pain, it was releasing all of the horrors he had expirenced over the past few weeks, tortured with chains of a demon holding him back, changed for a man who could never give him the love he deserved, and slowly, through the tears that left his eyes, all of the change he made would leave him too, and he could finally be free.

~♡~

The sun shone bright along the colorful street, not a cloud in the sky to block its rays. Shuichi walked along the white of the sidewalk, stomach bubbling with the usual excitement Saturdays bring. His location in sight, he took the quick turn into the two glass doors he knew oh so well,

“Shushi Roll!”

The voice called his name before he could even completely enter, filled with anticipation and excitement. He turned his head to meet the eyes of his to-be boyfriend, violet eyes matching the gorgeous hue of his hair.

Shuichi approached the table, sitting across from the shorter, “You’re looking cute.”

“Nee-hee-hee! Building that confidence I see!” he brought his hand to his hair, and started thumbing through it, “I finally got into that hair appointment! I missed it so much!”

“Its perfect,” Shuichi gushed, “I missed it too.”

“Awe! A compliment from my to-be boyfriend! You’re gonna make me blush~”

To-be boyfriend, what a sweet, incredible phrase. It was enough, not exactly what he wished for, not the perfect situation to be in, but it was enough for them. He would wait until the wounds closed into scars to truly take the title. He would wait as long as he needed,

“I know that look~” Kokichi teased, “Every time I say that word you go all spacey on me! Nee-hee-hee!”

“I’ll love you,” Shuichi swooned putting his hand on the table,

Kokichi brought his drink to his lips, less whipped cream than usual but he was getting there, “Hmmm, I guess I’ll love you too!”

It was enough.