Work Text:
You slammed the door leaving the apartment that you and Wanda used to share. Tears finally streaming down your face that you struggled so much on holding back during your argument with Wanda, desperate not to show her your weak state for the last time after so many of those moments, you refused to make yourself look pathetic again.
Not even sincerely apologizing, taking your beloved dog as her own, seemed to be the last straw. You were between the thin line of hating her and pure sorrow and longing, longing for the old Wanda you fell in love with, now she cares nothing but her work. Work, work, work. Your name not even reaching the bottom of the list with how she was treating you.
“ Do you still even care about me, Wanda?” You shouted, slightly pushing her on her chest with your two hands, too drowned in frustration.
“You’re the only one saying that, I already told you many times, you know what you were getting yourself into dating someone who chooses to pursue a career like this. Now look at you complaining, what do you want Y/N?” She defended, her brows furrowed. The unbothered look on her face fueled the anger and sadness in your chest even more.
“I just want you to look at me!” You pleaded with uttermost desperation all over your tone. She just blinked at you, not knowing what to answer anymore.
“Am I still even part of the life you dreamed of having Wanda? I should’ve known you were too good to be true. We’re done” You ended, turning your back against her signaling that you don’t want anything to do with this conversation anymore, just wanting to be alone and cry until you’re tired.
This seemed to have finally taken Wanda aback, realizing that it’s actually happening, “Y/N wait..” She reached out, but you already slammed the door before it could even get to you. Silence resonated throughout the entire room, loneliness finally creeping up like cotton absorbing blood, with only the sounds of your dog Lily’s quiet weeping heard as if it was crying for her since she’s seemed to feel too numb.
–
A few weeks consisted of her trying to call you multiple times with hundreds of unread messages, after that you didn’t receive anything from her anymore. You felt conflicted as to why you feel even more sad than relieved, aren’t you supposed to feel relieved that she’s not reaching out anymore? But a part of you hoped that she’d try harder, and perhaps make up for everything she did in ways you know would be impossible.
You’ve grown tired of spending nights crying until you’re exhausted enough to sleep, missing your dog who kept you company for countless days because of Wanda never giving you any attention, it made you feel incredibly pathetic, how absurd that she also took that away from you.
You didn’t want to rot in bed all day long hoping for whatever miracle to stop the pain you’re experiencing, so you decided to go out for a while and spend all the time to yourself wanting to enjoy the company of yourself, not wanting to endure more of the self-pity you have left.
Opening the doors of the town cafe as the aroma of coffee welcomes you, making you feel like you still deserve simple pleasure like this.
You waited in line to get your favorite dark mocha frappuccino, and with your laptop bag carried on your shoulder, you felt like you wanted to write something, as you always do. It felt like a stress reliever.
As soon as you ordered, turning around you saw those familiar green eyes staring right back at you all this time. Seeming to have recognized who you are even when your back is turned. To your surprise she looks horrible, more horrible than before wherein she was always under so much workload, she looked like she didn’t get any sleep, perhaps a maximum of three hours a day.
You realized you were staring for too long when someone muttered an ‘excuse me’ to you, you turned around to mumbled an apology and got out of the way quick, turning around you noticed Wanda isn’t there anymore. Weird.
You took a seat, your mind once again infiltrated by the thought of her. You felt frustrated again, she didn’t even order anything and left as soon as you locked eyes. Oh so now she’s the one avoiding you? You felt very much annoyed, the uttermost audacity.
You didn’t feel like typing anything to your laptop anymore. Giving up, you closed your laptop and stood up, leaving the cafe afterward to go back home. Another day can wait, right now you need to get back home.
–
You spent hours rotting on the couch watching sitcoms ordering pizza that still hasn’t arrived yet in the process, something you adapted from living with Wanda. Not even bothering to understand what’s going on with the show, your focus still being on Wanda. You felt frustrated, way too frustrated, or at least you’re forcing yourself to be. You wanted to be mad at her, wanted the anger to overcome all the sorrow you felt, she doesn’t deserve it, she really doesn’t.
Mostly, you also missed your dog, very badly. It felt like divorcing your wife and she took sole custody of the child, it hurts so bad, what more if that’s the actual scenario. You tried to fight for the dog to be under your care but then you felt shame, one thing she’s good at making you feel. She insisted that she bought the dog, even though it was supposed to be for both of you.
You felt hopeless, you didn’t know if you could still love someone the same way you loved her, she doesn’t deserve it, you thought again. You didn’t know if you would still be able to be in another relationship. But you thought, that’s what they all think, what all heartbroken people think after a tragic separation. You may not feel hope today, but maybe someday, only time can tell.
The doorbell rang, interrupting your thoughts. That must be the pizza guy, you thought. You wiped the unshed tears that formed in your eyes and put on an oversized sweater before going towards the door.
When you opened it, it wasn’t the delivery guy standing in front of you, it was your dog Lily.
A red bow wrapped loosely on her neck with an enveloped letter on her mouth, wanting you to take it. An excited smile unintentionally formed on your face as you ran to hug her, from the looks of it she missed you as much.
“Oh my god, Lily I missed you so bad!” You petted her multiple times and scratched her ear, “You’re a good girl, aren’t you? You’d always come back to your mom I know.” You talked to her like she’s gonna verbally answer you.
You failed to notice someone standing just beside the both of you with all your focus on your beloved dog. Your smile faltered instantly, you recognized who that is even without the face shown. Of course, she’s here, how could you be so vulnerable, how else would Lily get here?
“Smells good, doesn’t she? Had a hard time washing her, just told her your name and she was already jumping in excitement.” She smiled, talking to you but her eyes were on Lily.
“What are you doing here?” You said, disregarding her statement as you slowly stood up not wanting to let your guard down.
She finally looked at you, shame and guilt evident in her eyes, “I want to apologize Y/N please I…”
“You already lost all the chances to apologize, Wanda, don’t even try.” You interrupted, scoffing at her attempt, you heard a quiet whimper at your retort but maybe it was just your imagination.
“Just please hear me out. For the last time, I know I don’t deserve it but one last chance please, I don’t wanna give you up without giving my all.” She pleaded, her eyes wanting nothing but for you to listen.
You just sighed and crossed your arms, not answering anything. She took this as a hint to continue as she felt a slight relief inside of her that you’re willing to listen, even if you already gave her countless chances to do so before.
“I know I asked you about what you want from me during our argument, and then I realized, I’m incredibly stupid for asking so. That’s what I lacked most, I wasn’t giving you what you want, even when you gave me all the signs I needed..” She said in uttermost sincerity.
“You deserve all the best in the world Y/N, I know what others mostly say about people like you deserving better than someone like me but… I wouldn’t stand seeing someone else be that for you, I would lose my mind. I truly want to be better, for you.” She said.
“You should’ve done that a long time ago.” you firmly replied, but it sounded like you trying to convince yourself that you don’t want to let her in again.
“And I’m aware of that! I’m stupid, selfish, arrogant, prideful, and so on, it was all inexcusable and I’m willing to take all punishment I could get as long as you leaving me isn’t one of them. When you asked me if you’re still in the future life I wanted, I realized I don’t even have that. I was so consumed by work that I didn’t even bother thinking about it, but I also realized, why should I even think about that when I’m already living the life I want right now, in our home with you…” Tears started to form in her eyes, spiraling down in her self-loathing.
She continued, “I took you for granted so damn much and I wouldn't forgive myself for that… I promised you I’ll love like how you deserve but I let work consume me and that’s my fault I… I broke that and I shouldn’t have, it’s all my fault I’m sorry.” She choked out a sob.
You know she deserves everything that’s happening to her right now, but you’re deeply aware you’re just convincing yourself that. You couldn’t stand seeing the woman you love most look so utterly destroyed, even if she did all possible things that hurt you in the long run.
You didn’t realize that you were already walking up to her, unintentionally. She seemed to not notice this too, her eyes blurry with tears all driven by guilt and self-loathing. You wrapped your arms around her and she immediately clings to you desperately wanting nothing but to feel your touch again after what felt like decades. You pulled her in closer until you’re both sitting on the front porch of your house, under her silent sobs and demand for forgiveness.
She released her clutch from you and composed herself again, she sniffed, “Please let me prove to you that I’m still Wanda you know, and love. I’d give up everything right now for you and I know I wouldn’t keep going if you’re not with me, you mean everything to me please I’d do everything.” She pleaded once again, she saw the hesitation in your eyes as she continued, “You don’t need to answer right now I don’t expect you to forgive me that quick… let me prove to you that I deserve another chance, that I’m worth coming back to.”
You know you would be lying if you told her that ‘it’s okay’ when you know damn well it’s not. Yet you felt reluctant to trust her again, opening yourself for her again, that’s just how much you love her. Especially when you felt determination in her tone, her eyes filled with nothing but love and tenderness.
“Wanda..” Hope surged through her as you said, “I’m willing to accept you again.” You finally decided.
“Are you sure? I…” She stumbled upon her words, “Thank you I… please let me earn your trust, I really burned us down I’m really sorry that I hurt you please…”
You interrupted, “I know Wanda, I know.” You hugged her tight. For a few moments, you pulled back. Suddenly you remembered Lily was still beside the both of you, already in a sitting position staring at the both of you, waiting.
The both of you let out a laugh in relief, “Come here, Lily.” She said, urging Lily to go towards you, which she did.
“Such a good girl, I love you both so much.” She talked to her, with a loving smile on her face. She looked at you, ecstatic to see you smiling.
“What’s the letter for?” You couldn’t help but ask with curiosity. If she was gonna talk to you to hear her out, what was the letter for?
With a hand on the back of her neck, “Well uh… It was just in case you didn’t want to forgive me.” She smiled shyly.
“I was willing to give Lily back to you too, just in case… you know.” She said.
“Oh, Wanda…” You didn’t know what to say, as another thought popped into your head.
“And why did you avoid me at the cafe earlier?” You couldn’t help but ask again.
Her face turned, “I don’t know it’s embarrassing Y/N I..”
“Step 1 to earning my trust—”
“Alright fine! I… I was supposed to order your favorite coffee before going in here, the one I used to always buy you every day before. But I already saw you do that so, no other way than to turn back.
Before you could even reply she interrupted, “But! I did buy your favorite muffins, the ones we always eat on a weekend.” She said, holding up the small box in her hands.
You smiled in awe, everything felt genuine and you only saw honesty in her eyes, “I love you so much.”
“I love you for the rest of time Y/N, even when I failed to give you that.” She joked, pertaining to ‘time’. You laughed at this and playfully hit her as she dramatically let out an ‘ow’.
After all that exchange, you both didn’t notice the delivery guy standing within a respectful distance the whole time, “Uh, pizza?”
With this you let out another laugh, it felt like a dream, like everything that happened within the weeks was just a nightmare. Which in this case it is.
She reached out to get the pizza for you as she also insisted on paying, letting the guy keep the change for not interrupting the both of you.
“Eat this with me inside?” You asked shyly, pertaining to the pizza and muffins.
“And watch sitcoms?” She asked as you nodded with a smile.
You both went inside urging your dog to get in too.
“Come in Lily we’re finally home.”