Chapter Text
Have you ever just looked at someone and went like ‘God, I wish I were you’. If not, then congrats you’re definitely not missing out on something important. But if it did happen to you before, then you might find yourself relating to this story more than you thought you would.
***
Steve Harrington is an asshole and she wished that she hated him for that. Instead, she falls for him, harder than she ever did, loving him as if she never loved before. She wished she could hate him for giving her reasons to do that. But no matter how hard she tried, the words that fell out of her mouth would still be lies while the truth remained in her shallow heart.
She is in love with Steve Harrington. There’s nothing in this world that could possibly change that, not even the fact that his heart is set on Nancy Wheeler. Maybe the two of them are more alike than she thought they were, after all Steve and her are both falling for those whose heart only beats for the one that is not theirs. And there is no greater power out there that could possibly save them from the pain that awaits ahead of them.
She knew Steve since what feels like their whole life, except in this case, she does know him her whole life. Him? Not so much. Steve wasn’t exactly the one who would go around and shake hands with the others even when they’re still preschoolers–not exactly the jerk he was going to be in High School, it’s the fact that everyone seems to love him so he never had the time to actually look around and notice her. He probably won’t even remember the first time he ever interacted with her, yet for her, the memory remains fresh as if it just happened the day before.
“Watch out.” She could hear someone yelling while she walked on the pavement, holding her backpack as she got closer and closer to the school. “You. Girl with the red backpack! Watch out.” Realizing that the person was talking to her, she freezes on the spot, eyes widening as it wanders warily around to check if there’s anything that is currently flying towards her.
Not a second later, she could feel an impact of someone crashing onto her back, her feet stumbled forwards a few steps before gaining back its balance. Swiftly, she turned around and found herself looking at a boy with rather voluminous hair for his age. A year older probably , she thought at that moment.
“You should really watch out.” He said, chest heaving up and down, an effect of chasing her down the street. A confused look came on her face, she opened her mouth slightly but her words went silent as the boy suddenly crouched down on one knee. “You really don’t realize it, huh? Your shoelace is untied. You could fell if only I didn’t warn you.” His little hands tied it back carefully before standing back up once more.
“And let me tell you this, falling down because of that isn't exactly pleasing. It was rather embarrassing, it happened to me once.” He continues, furrowing his eyebrows together as a displeasing look goes up on his face—the unpleasant memory comes back into his mind. He cringed to himself. “Well, better watch your step next time.”
She continued standing here, frozen in time even though he was no longer around. “Thank you?” The words fell flat on earth as she said it to nothing but the air in front of her. A hue of red covered her face as she recalled the brief interaction. That was the day she decided that maybe, maybe Steve Harrington is someone who goes around and shakes hands with the others. She decided that the next time she saw him, she would express her gratitude for him.
When the day finally comes, she gives up the idea of it as his ‘friends’ drag him away just before she could speak out his name. Whispers about her name flew past her ear. She knows. She knows what those groups call her as. Many names just for some stupid reasons. If we’re being truthful out here, she doesn’t really care about it. They were just a bunch of idiots who loved calling other people names to make themselves feel inferior to others. It’s okay , she thought. People make mistakes.
***
It was a random day in Middle School when Steve Harrington approached her for the second time, this might be the memory that comes to his mind when the topic of their first interaction comes up—which is never. She was closing her locker, ready to go back home as he suddenly leaned onto the locker beside her.
She was about to ignore him, thinking that he wasn’t there for her when he called out her name, almost hesitantly as if he wasn’t sure if it’s actually her name. “Yeah, hi. I don’t think we were ever properly introduced. I’m Steve Harrington.” He ended that with an unusual smile on his face as if he is up to something not good. She doesn’t like it.
“I already know that?” The statement sounded more like a question instead. “Now if you excuse me-“
“No. No wait. You live across from my house, right?” She went silent, not expecting him to realize that. When did he start to notice her existence? The thought of that ring in her mind. It is true what he said, that they are in fact neighbors. “And we’ve been going to the same school since elementary school.”
Preschool , she wanted to say.
“And your point is what exactly?” She raised her eyebrows at the same boy who loves to throw a little prank around the school every now and then. He’s not really the jerk she had expected him to be but the boy that goes around and shakes his hands with others.
Steve raised his point finger up in the air. “I need a……….” She couldn’t catch what he was saying at the end of his sentence as he purposely muted himself. Hesitatingly he said it once more. “I need a – I need a tutor. Not really a tutor, I guess. I just need some help with homeworks. And your house is near and you’re smart. So why not?”
“You want me to do your homeworks?” She asked.
“Help me. Help me with my homeworks.” He replied. “Cause I’m really really really stupid with numbers. My parents are rarely home but when they do it’ll be nice if they have something to be proud about me, you know?”
Hearing that last part of his sentence, she found herself nodding at his request. That night she went to his house, found herself stressed because God forbid Steve Harrington to understand multiplication or any subjects that contain numbers apparently. “It’s 9. The answer is literally nine. 3 times 3 is 9.” She insisted for the 2749303th time that day.
“Yeah, Sherlock, I know that. But here, it’s say 3 squared. It has two and three in it which means I’m right. The answer is six.” He looks at her smugly, crossing his arm to his chest as if he just solved the greatest mystery in the world. While she just looked at him, silently wondering how the hell did he pass those classes in the past. With her mouth wide open, she found herself nodding. “Wow. You really should get a brain check, Harrington. You might just solve what even Einstein himself can’t solve.”
That night, the fates decided to write their story all-together, making them quite inseparable as their line of thread stood closely next to each other but never once it ever crossed. What began from a stressed tutor-dumbass student relationship grew into a genuine friendship where she found herself getting into trouble with him. Running through the market aisle like some silly pre-teenagers. His hand holding hers as he dragged her away from the angry shop owner, throwing their heads back with a wide smile plastered on their face.
Then high school comes into the picture and ruins them all. Like it always does.
***
It’s really unfair, isn’ t it? Fates must be laughing at her right now. Screw them for getting her hopes up. Maybe this is it. It has come to that moment where she needs to accept the fact that their line would never cross and tangle itself with one another–connecting them for eternity. That there would always be a border between them that won’t allow their fate to cross one another.
She had to watch him slowly slipping away from her grasp as he started hanging out with Tommy H. and Carol. It’s not that bad at first, Steve tries his best to make her feel included although clearly it’s transparent that she wanted nothing to do with his ‘friends’. When the nickname ‘King Steve’ was thrown around she had no problem with it either. Simple meaningless title.
But when he fell for Nancy. That’s – that’s when things started to fall out of place. Even then, she couldn’t bring herself to hate the girl who owns his heart, she could never. Nancy was a nice person and she was also a good friend to her. Hell she was defending the poor girl after the shitty stunt that Steve had pulled. Driving him to the Byers’ house so he can beg for Jonathan’s forgiveness. If they hadn’t gone there, they probably won’t ever know about the other world that lay beneath them. The dark side of Hawkins. Stories about Demogorgon, Hell-ish creatures or a girl who apparently have powers.
When Steve passed her and went to Nancy’s side, there was an ounce of disappointment in her gut. But she quickly paid no mind to it, telling herself that at the end they’re the one who's in a relationship. Her gaze fell on Jonathan as his eyes were fixed on the girl in Steve’s embrace. With a knowing smile, she nudged him. “You too, huh?” Her hand sneaked onto his back, patting him slightly. Why can’t the two turned around and see the one who actually loves them? Good news for Jonathan, Nancy looked over her shoulder for a slight moment.
When the two finally break up with all of the ‘bullshit’ incidents. She went onto Steve’s side like she always does. Keeping the brokenhearted boy close, collecting all the pieces of his heart that has been shattered to the ground the same way she has always been keeping him close to her heart. But she doesn’t think all of her efforts had any kind of an effect on him, because at that time she somehow ended up with Steve and Dustin for a few days. She had heard him talking about Nancy again. God, she wishes she were Nancy. In the world full of questions, one stood out the most to her, what does it feel like to be loved by Steve Harrington? If there’s still any chance for her to feel that, even if it were just for a minute, she would trade anything for that.
Maybe I’m not the one.
Seems foolish to feel that much all for a guy whose heart doesn’t beat at the mention of her name. She knows that. She is a foolish girl. But so is Steve for feeling the same way for a girl whose heart no longer beats at the mention of his name. When he started to talk about Nancy to Dustin, she immediately distanced herself far from the two. If only she stayed a little longer, she would have heard how he talked about her.
***
Just when she thought all of those scary things were gone, the vecna problem showed up and here she was standing on the side as her eyes fixed on Steve and Nancy inside the Creel’s house. Hasn’t seen them together side by side for a long time makes her forget how much pain she could feel all at once. She cleared her throat to gain their attention, awkwardly she pointed over her shoulders. “Umm, Max was searching for you. I think she might have got something.”
Nancy throws her an awkward smile as she walks past her. Right, everyone knows. Everyone knows it all but him. She approached Steve who was still standing there looking quite out of the place. She pointed the flashlight to his face. “What was that?” She asked him, quivering her eyebrows. A disappointed look, visible on her face. “Steve, she has Jonathan in California. You should remember that.”
“What was-No. No. Yeah, I know. About Jonathan I mean.” He paused, pressed his lip into a firm line. “It’s nothing. We were just talking.” His eyes avoided hers as he put his hand on his waist.
She nodded slowly. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. I really don’t. Not again, Steve.” She said with sincerity filled her tone. A heavy sigh got out from her as her eyes downcast to the ground, frowning at the memory of him after the breakup. “I can’t have you–I can’t have you going back to her after–“ After I almost got you. “After all that happened to you back then. She is already happy with Jonathan.”
“So please I beg you right now. Don’t love the girl who wasted your feelings when there are others who would love you—who has been in love with you like how you’ve been in love with her. When there are others who would trade everything they have just to fill the empty space that was left by her in your heart.” She didn’t even realize how her voice cracks at the end of her sentence or how tears threaten to spill from her eyes. “Don’t be a fool .”
Notice me. I’m right here.
Steve stood there, almost looking as if he were a statue if it weren’t for the up and down of his chest. She shut her eyes, letting the tears escape from it, as she turned her head the other way. Unable to face the rejection of what she just accidentally implied to him. She could feel him getting closer to her. And when she opened her eyes, there he was crouching on one knee, tying the knot of her shoelace together. “Steve, I-“
“Your shoelace is untied. You could fell if I didn’t notice it.” He looks up to her with a sad smile on his face. She just stares at him, unmoving, unsure if this was a memory replaying itself in front of her cause once again, the memory of their first interaction remains fresh in her mind even after a decade later. “And it’s not exactly pleasant to fall because of that reason.” He stands back up, now looking down to her with an unexplained look in his eyes. One that she can’t bear to look at cause she knows even if it was filled by rejection, she would fall harder instead.
“Thank you.” She paused for a second, before looking up to him. “For
noticing me
.”
For remembering what I thought was gone from your memory.
He puts his hand on her shoulder, grasping it softly before leaning down a little bit with a whisper. After that he flashed her a quick smile before leaving the room. Leaving her alone as she stands there with nothing but pain filling her heart as silent tears escape her eyes. They are both fools indeed.