Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s kinda hopeless to Bora.

Her job sucks. The office is bleak (grey monochrome is not the way to go), her boss is definitely a misogynistic asshole who thinks women are only good for looking pretty, the coffee is gross, and the printers jam at least fifteen times on a good day.

There is not a single good thing about this miserable, soul-sucking hellhole. The pay isn’t even-

“Good morning, Bora!”

No, wait, Bora immediately rescinds the thought. There is one good thing.

There’s Minji. 

As Minji gracelessly plops a drink on the coaster Yoohyeon got Bora as her “Congrats On Getting a Job” gift, Bora feels the gentle and comforting warmth of the sun (AKA: Minji’s gorgeous smile) graze her skin, remembers memories of a time when Bora felt freer and happier. “I bought you an iced choco!” Minji smiles her silly, self-satisfied grin with her eyes in the shape of crescents, cheeks rosy from speed-walking from the elevator to her desk. With a happy hum, she brandishes a plastic container like a trophy, “And I got myself a blueberry muffin!”

Minji’s smile feels like the coming of spring, gardens of flowers blooming and flourishing in Bora’s chest. Her voice is a sweet symphony, a song written by the birds of morning only for Minji to sing. And she is an absolute vision. Minji rotates her outfits of suit pants and blazers; Bora pays enough attention—and pines hard enough—to welcome the familiar sight of Minji in baby blue slacks and a white button-up with a loosened grey tie. 

No glasses today, Bora notes. 

Minji rifles through her purse, a victorious, “Ah hah!” when she pulls out a worn leather case. 

Glasses today, Bora corrects. 

Minji blinks as her eyes adjust from seeing blurred pixels transforming into 2160p, 4K vision. 

Plus, a smudge. 

Before Minji can ask, Bora’s hand is out, the other untucking her cotton shirt from her pants. 

“Did they get foggy again?”

Minji faintly blushes as she gives Bora her glasses, sheepish when she tightens her tie, “I thought I was gonna be late so I ran from my car to the elevator and by the time I got in, I looked like an evil master-mind with scary, shiny glasses so I took them off.”

Minji laughs at herself when she situates her now-clean glasses on the bridge of her nose, softly caresses her thumb across Bora’s cheek as thanks, schools that precious smile on her face into a stern expression ready for work.

Bora could do without the endless phone calls and running back and forth, the colleagues that stare at her ass for too long, the long days that seem to blend together, the pointless meetings.

But Bora is helplessly, hopelessly, and undeniably devoted to her best friend. 

So deeply and unfathomably in love.

Everything sucks except for Minji and that’s enough reason for Bora to stay. 

Iced chocolate drinks reminds her of Minji, so do blueberry muffins and baby blue pants. 

It’s a new day of the same old shit, but Minji smiles at her from across her desk—the same beautiful, breathtaking smile she gives her everyday. 

It’s enough. More than enough.

Bora dreads the day but her grin beams back at Minji. It’s a reflection of her heart, the smiles that make everything bearable.

And if Bora makes an hour of the day easier for Minji, even a single minute, Bora would choose to stay anywhere, wherever, and whenever Minji wanted her.

Chapter Text

Falling in love with her best friend. Very original. The plot gods must be rejoicing at the thought.

There was a time when Bora was legitimately upset at herself for falling in love with Minji. At first, Bora thought it was a crush. She paid no mind to it because she has crushes on every friend she makes before it fizzles out into purely platonic feelings. 

Except the caterpillars in her stomach turned into butterflies that fluttered whenever Minji came to her mind (which was all the damn time.) Weeks turned into months of butterflies making a home out of stomach, heartbeats that marched in her chest and echoed throughout her body, thoughts that never helped Bora with running far, far away. 

It had been a year of “Oh, it’s just a crush” until it turned into “Oh shit, I’m in love” and by then, it was already too late for Bora. 

(When Bora drunkenly vented to an even drunker Yoohyeon about her feelings for the first time, the girl had slowly blinked, gently shook her head because anything faster made her queasy, and sloppily patted her back. 

Yoohyeon’s words slurred together but Bora still felt the sincerity of her heart, “Good game, little bird, it’s over for you.”

It’s a miracle Yoohyeon is Yoohyeon. She handles all of Bora’s emotions and sad yearning with grace and kindness. If it were her, Bora would’ve gotten tired of it within the first six months. But Yoohyeon is a softie, one of the strongest and bravest sentimental softies she knows. 

Bora would die—or kill—for her.)

It was a vicious circus of thoughts.

How could I be so selfish to even think about jeopardizing our friendship?

If I pushed her away, is it for me or for her? It’s entirely for me and she doesn’t deserve to be left.

Why couldn’t I fall for anyone else?

Why can’t I stop loving her?

But, frankly, all the years of self-loathing were exhausting and the therapist a percentage of her stupid, meager wage goes to keeps telling her it’s not her fault she loves Minji so it’s easier to just accept the fact that falling in love with Minji is inevitable and unstoppable and that she’s just meant to simp over a goofy woman with five dollars and a dream. 

Okay, her therapist didn’t exactly say that but it’s how Bora remembers it. 

Paraphrasing is a gift.

And Minji has more than five dollars. But she definitely has a dream. 

For some reason that Bora doesn’t understand, Minji likes the idea of overcoming the odds and smashing the glass ceiling and becoming (at least) the COO of their business. She has a vision of transforming their workplace from top to bottom and Minji has all but pulled out powerpoints explaining how she’ll do exactly that more times than Bora can count but Bora can only summarize some points here and there because staring at Minji and the way she shines with determination and excitement is much more fun than team dinners and games to practice marketing pitches and whatever strategy Minji has to get this completely mid business into the stratosphere.

(Bora just smiles and nods when Minji passionately rambles, repeats whatever Minji says with a flair and personal twist. 

Once again, paraphrasing is a gift.)

Minji is a beautiful dreamer, a woman with the means and ambition. If she wanted to make the world spin by her own sheer will, she would find a way to do it. And no matter what it was, Bora would believe in her fight and cause. 

So, smashing the glass ceiling? Sure.

She’ll smash it with her if Minji wants her to.

(And Minji does so that was the first reason for why Bora chose to subject her mind to this brain-blending mediocrity.

The fact that Bora loves her more than anything in the world is merely the answer for how she can put up with her ridiculous job that does little for her graphic designer career ambitions.)

As it turns out, unrequited love is a lot easier when she’s not mad at herself every fucking day just for loving someone. 

It’s still pretty sad on some days. Especially when Minji flirts with their pretty coworker that smells like lavender and reeks of financial stability. Or when she has her bad days and tells Bora she wishes someone would support her and love her in that way.

Because there is. There is someone who supports her and loves her in that way. And Bora is always there for her, to hold her and wipe her tears away, to make her laugh when everything is depressing. 

Minji just doesn’t love her back in that way.

(Being there for Minji is never out of obligation or a favor, but out of love and care. Sadness is unfitting on Minji. Natural and human, yes. But it hurts to see the brightness in her eyes dim, to remember that the world doesn’t make exceptions and isn’t fair to a woman who deserves nothing but kindness. Bora doesn’t like feeling helpless. Comforting a sad Minji feels helpless but Bora stays strong because that’s what she’s meant to do for someone who makes her strong.)

But on most days, Bora loves that she loves Minji—there’s no one else she’d rather love than her. 

She’s altruistic and compassionate, driven and dedicated. Minji has a heart big enough to love the world times two. Bora’s positive the world would end before Minji breaks a promise. She’s loyal and reliable and, in this day and age, all Bora wants is someone who means what they say and will be there to welcome a future with her.

In the last ten years, Bora can’t remember the last time they really fought without making up in the same twenty-four hours. Minji hates falling asleep angry and Bora hates being upset with Minji. So, naturally, they figure it out because that’s what people who love each other do. 

Bora likes experiencing life with Minji. She likes finding ways to make Minji laugh, especially when she’s wrapped around her and her laughter dances by her ear, Minji’s heartbeat gently thumping against her back. 

Experiencing Minji is an adventure in itself. (It’s her most favorite one so far.) Minji balances aesthetics like it’s a skill. One day, she’ll look like the Minji she met in college, all done up in skin-tight clothes and slamming down shots and partying like her life would end the next day. In the next, she’ll look like she’s ready to take over any corporation with one of her favorite suits and expensive watch her mother passed down to her. And others, she looks like any cottage-core lover's dream, a woman capable of knitting sweaters and talking fondly about anything and everything as if they all held a special place in her heart.

Minji is everything and it takes more than a lifetime to experience all of her but Bora thinks it’s a challenge to take in every little thing about her.

Bora loves being challenged and Minji makes her want to work for it.

There could be worse people to fall in love with. 

Minji is the best of the best. 

Even if Minji’s love isn’t in that way, Bora loves her either way. 

Because that’s what unconditional love does. 

Bora loves Minji. 

Period.

She doesn’t expect anything from her other than what she’s willing to give—a friendship full of laughter and sweetness.

Bora treasures it—treasures Minji—with her entire being.

Bora supposes, there’s beauty in her pain. Because if she didn’t love Minji, there would be no pain. 

But losing the love she has for her best friend is a sacrifice she’s not willing to make. 

If anything, Bora thinks loving Minji is a risk she’s willing to take.

Chapter Text

“Bora! I swear to God! Change your lockscreen!”

They probably look like children right now, running around the park that halmonies go to to work out whilst gossiping away with their halmonie besties.

Currently, Bora is running with the speed of an Olympian track star with her phone tightly clutched in her hands. 

Track star Bora is no match for Long-legged Minji and the two end up a heap on their picnic blanket, Bora awkwardly laying atop Minji, the woman’s arms securely holding her and breaking their fall.

Minji is laughing between her words, eyebrows dipped into a happy V, the hands on her arms leaving to torturously tickle and poke at her stomach, “Change…your…fucking…lockscreen!”

Bora genuinely thinks she might pass out from not breathing between her laughing—has been guffawing since Minji gasped in alarm at Bora’s lockscreen, running past the girls and boys playing basketball, juking out a dog on a walk with their owner, getting all tangled up in Minji’s limbs and unrestrained laughter.

“But I- I-” Bora swats at the fingers playfully digging into her, on the brink of laugh-drooling because Minji is fucking killing her with laughter, “Stop- stop-”

(Minji’s fingers stop their pestering, rests across her stomach, arms holding her tighter.)

Minji mocks a low and authoritative voice, nearly trembling as she tries to hold back her laughter, “Change it, Kim Bora!”

“But I like it!”

Minji whines underneath her, “Why?!”

Bora grins, feels some part of her heart take a snapshot of this feeling blooming in her soul, a kaleidoscope of colors, “It’s cute!” 

Minji’s expression drops into faux annoyance, deadpan. 

“How is me being soaking wet from the torrential rain and threatening you with a broken umbrella a cute lockscreen?”

Launched into another round of giggles, Bora taps her phone’s screen to look at her wallpaper, feels a bubble of fondness balloon and burst inside her at the picture.

“It just is!”

Minji grumbles and mutters, “You weirdo.”

(It’s mostly cute because Bora keeps the option for live photos on and when she presses on the photo, a small reel of Minji bursting with laughter plays on her screen.

It’s like Bora can hear it echo in her mind when she looks at it.)

She shifts to her side, Bora lumbered along in her arms. 

“Fine.” Minji begins to barter, hopefulness in her voice, “But, can I have the picture that you edited of us during Halloween and you were Hellboy as mine then?”

Bora takes a moment to think. The picture was strictly for group chat eyes but Bora supposes the trade is worthwhile.

“Deal!”

Chapter Text

Apparently, there’s a new copywriter coming in. Bora couldn’t care less. Minji makes up for it with gusto.

“I can show them around, Mister Park!”

Bora quietly groans at the bright, sunshine absence her remaining work hours will endure, curses Minji’s relentless ambition to stand out and her innate kindness to welcome new employees to the company. And because her boss isn’t completely brainless, he easily agrees with a grunt. It does make sense, Bora is aware. The human equivalent of a cute golden retriever greeting a nervous intern is just what they need to lure them into this trap introduce them to the company’s culture and ways.

The last person Minji took under her wing is doing well—she does her work and keeps her head down. Minji keeps an eye on her, enough that she feels comforted and safe that there is someone to fall back onto if something happens but free enough to make her own mistakes and learn.

Minji is a pretty fantastic leader. Minji doesn’t lead Bora often but it would be wrong of Bora to say that Minji doesn’t reign her in from time to time—nudging her with her elbow when Bora is fed up with their boss and a little more…obvious about it than usual, reminding her of deadlines that slip her mind, playing off Bora’s criticisms disguised as jokes with a boisterous laugh that is too genuine to doubt anything.

Minji is too good at reading her, understanding exactly what she means, cleaning up after her, being the kind of person that Bora can’t help but to love. It’s a simple necessity in life—to be understood and cared for. Minji happens to do both with excellence.

Bora really stood no chance.

Mister Park is brief, all but throwing the employee into Minji’s care before he leaves, “Minji, this is Lee Siyeon. She will be replacing Eunji while she’s away on maternity leave.”   

The new girl is stiff, her watchful and hesitant eyes flickering here and there, settling on Bora’s heavy gaze for a moment before flittering to Minji.

Bora knows Minji has to be shining that wholesome and sweet grin everyone loves, knows the exact second when Siyeon finds her smile because her entire body visibly relaxes, the weariness in her eyes melting into a warmer feeling.

Bora can’t blame her. It’s the Minji Effect.

“Hi, Siyeon! I’m Minji! I’ll show you around today and you can come to me whenever you need help!” Minji’s voice fades away as she guides Siyeon around, the first stop being the break room because Minji is a fiend for stealing snacks while she works and her priority is at where she can eat when she’s not grinding for a promotion.

The door behind their main office closes; Bora knows Minji is already wrapping Siyeon around her finger because that’s just what Minji does. 

She has this gravitational pull, this undeniable charm and friendliness to her that can melt the coldest of winters. Bora has seen it time and time again, felt it in every moment she has spent with her.

She knows Siyeon will be no different. 

Bora didn’t think she’d ever be happy to be just another notch on someone’s belt but she’d be content being Minji’s. Except Minji is awfully good at making everyone in her life feel special. It’s especially hard to get mad at her without feeling silly and petty because Bora knows Minji cherishes her, loves her, tucks her in an extra special place that not many ever get to be.

Maybe Bora isn’t just another person to her, thinks that she has seen parts of Minji she won’t let just anyone see. Minji is someone who blurs her boundaries, who makes her friendliness feel like friendship, makes anyone feel like a million bucks on any given day. 

But, it’s clear to Bora.

Bora is her friend, her confidant and rock. 

Normally, Bora would be more guarded and defensive, keeping all her insecurities and flaws to herself, but Minji makes her feel safe enough to share those parts of her, confident enough that Minji would still choose to be by her side despite it all.

When it really matters, Minji means what she says and she calls Bora her soulmate.

(And she believes that just as much as she believes in Minji.)

Without a doubt, Bora would defy the stars and argue with the whole universe for Minji to be hers.

Chapter Text

As it turns out, Siyeon is pretty fucking cool. She’s kinda odd but she makes it work for her. She vaguely reminds her of Yoohyeon in a quiet and understated way, thinks that Siyeon might be the kind of person who won’t need to try to understand Yoohyeon because she just gets her—like they’re cut from the same cloth. Bora idly thinks about introducing the two of them while Minji is at the bar, purposely looking lost to fool some guy into buying the three of them drinks. It helps that she’s drop dead gorgeous; Minji doesn’t need to try too hard. 

It only takes a minute or two for Minji to flash an amicable smile and a pretty glint in her coy eyes to get a round of drinks before smoothly rejecting the guy’s advances.

Siyeon lets out a small laugh, disbelief and amazement rolled into a sound, when Minji saunters back to their table with three full beers seamlessly held in her hands.

“And that is how you do it, ladies.”

Minji’s smirk is one of victors, a woman who has had more drinks bought for her than she has bought for herself. Bora playfully rolls her eyes, has seen the master at work for the majority of their friendship. 

If Minji is one thing, it’s sure of herself and her abilities.

It’s really hot, honestly. 

If Bora were…literally anyone else in this bar and Minji was the stunning lady in the room, she, too, would buy her drinks in hopes of winning a chance to talk to her.

She used to feel silly for liking one person this much, for letting someone so deeply into her heart that she’d be willing to do anything and everything for them to just look at her. Good thing Minji gives her the attention she vies for, saves Bora from looking as silly as she feels when Minji teasingly babies her and happily plays along with her ridiculous antics.

Minji is the only person Bora would allow herself to be so gooey over because she makes it worthwhile.

(She isn’t entirely proud to simp this much over someone, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.) 

They get away with only needing to buy a round of drinks, the rest of theirs sponsored by men hopeful enough to try between the three of them.

Siyeon initially planned to get an Uber back to her place. Bora isn’t sure she was planning on Minji and her following her and climbing into the backseat like two little ducks but Minji grins a cute and lazy smile, hazy eyes trying to focus on Siyeon.

“We gotta make sure you get home safe, Singnie!”

(And, of course, Minji is capable of getting to a nickname basis within a day because Minji is Minji and she is safety and comfort personified.)

So, that’s how Bora ends up falling asleep on Minji’s shoulder somewhere between dropping Siyeon off and coming home.

(Bora thinks Minji has the perfect shoulder for sleeping. Broad enough that she doesn’t slip and slide everywhere as the car jostles down the road, but slopes enough that it doesn’t feel like laying her head on cement.)

It’s also how Bora ends up waking up in Minji’s bed, the woman’s arm around her waist, the other underneath her head and definitely subjecting itself to pins and needles for the sake of cuddling her. 

(Bora knows Minji took her straight to hers because she definitely doesn’t have a shelf of Rilakkuma plushies in her room. It’s possible that Bora had to have bought at least half of the absurd collection Minji has. But, if a soft and brown teddy bear made her happy, it was clear that Bora would have to go out and get it.)

Reveling in the peace of a Saturday morning, unbothered by work or the need to do something, Bora absentmindedly thinks about Minji’s subconscious fear of choking on her vomit (no thanks to their Breaking Bad marathon they had in their first year of college) after a night of drinking and how she’s always sure to lie on her side when she sleeps. It’s cute to her how Minji extends that awareness to her by being her personal backpack of guaranteed side sleeping.

She isn’t sure how Minji got her into bed, changed her into her too-big-for-Bora pajamas, and smelling of her oat and vanilla body wash and floral shampoo when she’s pretty sure Minji was as drunk as her.

But, Minji is a woman of wonder and Bora knows better than to figure out how Minji does what she does. 

Maybe it should alarm her that Minji did a complete routine of getting her ready for bed (minus, probably, her entire skincare routine), but Minji has seen her naked a handful of times for chaotic reasons that only college trysts and “Oh my God, you’re naked!” and “Oh my God, shut the door!” could explain and Bora doesn’t care too much about it because her body is just a body and she trusts Minji to treat hers with utmost respect because that’s the kind of person she is.

The only thing Bora fusses over is being a burden for Minji to worry about, but, Bora surmises, that’s a thought a hungover Bora should not have to deal with. So, she smacks her lips, smiles at the cup of water prepared for her and takes down a few gulps so her throat doesn’t feel like the Sahara, nuzzles into Minji’s pillows that smell like her, and loosely laces their fingers together.

(Minji sleeps like the dead when she feels safest. Bora takes her sleepy listlessness as a personal triumph.)

There is a gentle glow casting through Minji’s room; Bora thinks that this is what it must feel like to be held and loved by the sun.

Bora sleeps with Minji on her mind, hopes that she’ll dream of her smile.

Chapter Text

Needing step-stools is for short people. And Bora refuses to admit that she needs a step-stool to reach for the ream of paper on the highest shelf of the storage room. 

She must’ve angrily stared a little too long at the stacks of papers ahead of her because Minji appears by her side like a real miracle, getting on her tippy toes to carefully nudge out a column of reams. It makes Bora feel better that Minji needs to carry the entire stack down to reach for the most accessible ream of paper to take.

After she places the paper back when Bora grabs a stack, she shrugs her shoulders, fixing her blazer with a self-content smile.

Bora’s pretty sure she’s looking at Minji with heart eyes, but really, when is she not? “Thanks, Ji.”

Minji drops a cheerful, “You’re welcome,” as she affectionately and softly bumps her forehead against Bora’s temple before she walks away towards the break room.

(Bora’s pretty sure Minji was smiling the entire time when she wasn’t focused on carrying paper for her. It makes Bora feel like the sun drips from her heart—golden and comforting.) 

Bora flusters, feels a warmth heating her cheeks and ears, laughs nervously, all but swoons.

She smiles the entire way back to the printer.

She doesn’t even give a shit when the printer jams for the fourth time in a row for her, too high off of Minji’s cute little quirks and silent kindness to get all fussy about their pieces-of-junk printers. 

If Bora closes her eyes, she can hear Yoohyeon’s playful tease in her head, “COME ON, BORA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET OFF THE FLOOR!”

Chapter Text

“Happy birthday, Minji!”

A cacophony of cheers ring out and mistimed party poppers that just never seem to fucking work when they’re needed to shower her floor with confetti. Minji stands at the entrance of Bora’s place, a bundle of sunflowers in her hand, with surprised awe written in her eyes and a dropped jaw.

It may be Minji’s birthday but to Bora, it has been Minji’s birthday since April ended.

It’s hard, wanting to do all these things for Minji to celebrate her birth month but also being wary that friends don’t really do prolonged celebrations like that. To the best of her abilities, Bora tried to spoil her best friend without raising suspicion.

It was easy buying her pastries from the bakery Minji likes because Bora just got herself a drink and joked, “You’d get all upset and pouty if I went and didn’t get you anything!” Minji had sighed and shook her head, a small smile on her lips because Bora was absolutely right.

It was a little harder buying her dinner, Minji adamant about splitting the bill. But despite all of Minji’s confidence and seemingly intimidating factors when she wants to be threatening, she had sheepishly shrunk under Bora’s pointed glare and withdrew her card when Bora arched an eyebrow that dared her to challenge her with a, “Try me.” Bora ended up letting Minji pay for dessert because she can only override Minji’s choices so much until she gets annoyed or upset. 

(That night was meant to be a gift, not a reason to start an argument, so, Bora just chose the cheapest thing on the menu and graciously took a step back when Minji quietly asserted her presence at the cash register.)

Buying Minji gifts is tough. Mostly because she’s a grown woman with her own money and the mindset of getting whatever she wants. But getting her all fuzzy and warm with feelings of being loved and appreciated is easy for Bora.

During one of their lunches, Bora picked a daisy and nimbly tied it around her pointer finger while they waited for their food. Minji never asked for a reason why—Bora thanked her past self for being the crafty girl she is and all the times she has lugged Minji into her artistic endeavors. (Minji once let her paint a moonlit scene on her back. Bora might have felt lightheaded with the intimacy of it all, jumbled between focusing on her painting and enduring her heart’s palpitations and nervous butterflies.) 

Minji wore the daisy ring the entire day, sent a picture of it pressed into her little notebook of thoughts about her days.

(When one of their colleagues asked about it, Minji beamed, eyes dripping with love, “Bboya made it for me!” She shows it off like it’s a diamond ring; Bora is powerless to think about what it might feel like if she could ever slip the promise of a diamond ring on her left ring finger.

It’s especially hard to shake herself out of it because she can feel the fondness in Minji’s eyes when she looks at her, reminds herself that Minji has always looked at her with a fondness that wasn’t only reserved for her, but also her closest friends.

Minji keeps their boundaries clear; Bora can’t stop herself from blurring them when her heart wants Minji in ways she struggles to contain.)

But, when it’s done right, Minji likes the material things as much as she loves the sentimental things. 

There was a noticeable dip in Bora’s checking account—thanks to her lack of restraint and doting affection she has for her. Minji has been on the search for a necklace, dainty but elegant, a single pearl that speaks for itself. It was a pretty dollar (won?) but it looked even prettier on Minji. She had gotten only slightly upset that Bora went ahead and splurged on it for her, more swept away by the sight of it sitting regally on her chest than she was pouty about being spoiled.

“I was shopping and I saw it and I knew I had to get it since it’s a hot item!”

Minji softly whines, immediately tugging Bora into a hug she wants to melt in, the quiet thumping of Minji’s pulse against her cheek.

In actuality, Bora’s birthday gift was silly and cute—just the right amount of useless and useful.

It had been one of those busy days for the office, taking call after call, wanting to die (or sleep for ten years) after each one. Even Minji was a little frazzled that day, helping out a small handful of other employees with their agendas and managing their boss’ assignment on making a ridiculous presentation on “turning no’s into yes’.” 

(Apparently, in marketing, no’s aren’t no’s unless the customer looks frustrated and upset. Bora doesn’t jive too much with it, hates feeling like she has to push a product when it’s clearly not wanted.

It’s pretty obvious to her that marketing is not the field for her but she can’t have her cake and eat it too.

If she wanted to be the Boratonin Minji would need in a day, she would have to choose enduring the business side of content creation.

If it were up to Bora, if she could be behind the production team and utilize her creativity and innovation, she’d probably enjoy it a lot more but getting jobs is hard and it’s like every open slot filled before she could ever try and this mind-numbing job felt something like getting her foot in the door.)

Bora had bought Minji a coffee to keep her sugar levels and energy high and it worked. Until she had accidentally knocked it over and it spilled all over her mouse and mousepad. In Bora’s very eyes, she witnessed how Minji breathed through a mini breakdown, the heavy sigh and her tightly shut eyes, the curling of her fists. Then, as quickly as she huffed out, she collected herself, unfurling her fingers and loosening her shoulders, cleaning up the mess, and calmly asking the IT guy for a new mouse and apologizing for breaking the other.

(Bora always admired that about Minji—how she just controls outbursts of emotion, how she lets it pass without boiling like a tea kettle. It’s harder for Bora to get clarity. Like how Gahyeon once calmly commented during one of Bora’s irritated rants (something about how the shitty donuts and stale coffee doesn’t make up for how gross her boss can be), “You’re at, like, an eight. I need you at a three at most.”

Somehow, Gahyeon didn’t come off condescending; it was probably the gentle comfort in her eyes and the warmth of her hands anchoring Bora back from her frustrations.

It should scare her how easily Gahyeon grabs a hold of the situation and calms her tension, but Gahyeon has always been a smart and rational woman.

There’s lots to learn from her, even Bora wouldn’t be afraid to profess that.)

There was no need for Minji to reimburse the mouse but she needed a new mousepad. 

Then came Bora with a gift a week before her birthday, just a few days after the incident. 

Minji gasped as soon as she uncovered it, holding it tightly against her chest with a grin that rivals the sun.

“Cherry!”

Sometimes, when Bora takes her mental breaks from work, she’ll catch Minji staring at her new mousepad with a tender smile, Cherry’s happy little face looking back at her and encouraging her through her day.

Minji doesn’t ask for a lot—she’s a self-sufficient woman who can get it herself.

But when it comes to the little things, the thoughtfulness that comes into choosing a gift, Minji appreciates the effort with her entire heart and Bora knows she did something right when she spends Minji’s birthday by her side, tucked under her arm, Minji’s nose grazing her cheek whenever she leans in to whisper in her ear.

Bora is always the first to wish her a happy birthday.

As Minji blows out the candles to her cake, Bora welcomes another year spent with Minji, selfishly wishes that she can spend the rest of her life living like this.

This year will be eleven.

Bora makes her own wish when 11:11 strikes. She squeezes Minji’s hands in hers tighter. It didn’t matter if Minji couldn’t fall in love with her; Bora is fine as long as she loves her in any way.

I wish we can stay like this, grow together like this. This is all I ask.

Chapter Text

Feelings ebb and flow.

But it never seemed that Bora could ebb and flow away from loving Minji.

Bora tried to move on. She really did. And she left a short trail of broken-hearted girls and boys while she was trying to figure out her feelings.

Dug and buried deep inside Bora is this wounded petulance, this desperate plea to be heard, the need to understand why she’d take a step away from Minji but come back loving her more than before. It doesn’t feel fair to Bora, finds herself hating all the questions on how love can be so unfair because love shouldn’t feel this hard.

Bora never blamed Minji, but it was getting really irritating not being able to date anyone without feeling guilty—not necessarily towards Minji, but to the men and women who had to prove to her that there couldn’t be anyone else but her. She couldn’t blame Minji for being the wonderful person she is, not when she never did anything wrong. Even if she was inadvertently hurting her, it wasn’t like it would ever be her choice or action to.

It just wasn’t fair to them and it wasn’t fair to Bora.

The universe works in mysterious ways and it feels especially cruel to Bora that it won’t let her move on, won’t let her fall in love with someone else, to be cared for and prioritized like a lover.

Because doesn’t she deserve love too? To love and be loved back in that way?

Bora swears she tries to love to the best of her abilities, would give it her all if her heart could just be swayed.

Even if Bora was happy to love Minji, it didn’t mean she never felt alone.

Loneliness is a friend Bora made throughout the years and it settled deep into her bones, making a home out of self-deprecation and anxious thoughts. It had slowly made shelter in a place that Bora keeps hidden, so far down that even Minji would need to strain to reach it.

Bora groans in her bed, fingers massaging her temple and forehead, willing the headache pummeling her brain to go the fuck away.

She’s exhausted. Work has been irritating and overwhelming, her credit card bill is higher than she’d like, and Bora definitely planned on cuddling with Yoohyeon after work for therapeutic reasons until she remembered she’d be away over the weekend to visit her parents.

And…Minji has a date.

With someone who isn’t her.

Bora hates that she feels empty, overthinking and cursing out a stranger she doesn’t even really know, sick of the stupid twinge of jealousy making her feel more irrational than she already feels.

She swears up and down that she doesn’t have the maturity of a teenager and the unsteady emotional integrity of a wounded and heartbroken girl, but it’s a night like this that makes Bora think even high school her could handle this messy whirlwind of emotions better than present adult Bora.

She sighs, talks herself out of being angry at herself for being hurt because being hurt is an uncontrollable feeling and it’s unfair of her to punish herself for being sad about feeling lonely and unlovable.

But she just hates feeling irrational, the circus of feeling and letting herself feel because letting herself feel got her into this damn problem in the first place.

And the problem in question? The cycle of being a Kim Bora who loves a Kim Minji. It’s a lot of joy and irreplaceable blips of euphoria that make everything worthwhile—experiencing beauty and wonder and love with Minji. Then, it’s a lot of self-loathing against her battered attempts of self-empathy. And the hurt—the scathing scratch and tear and deep panging of her heart, like it dropped to her stomach, unable to climb its way back to her chest, bleeding out for someone who will never notice. 

(It’s nights like this where Bora is a little less happy to love Minji, battling with her thoughts and inevitable negativity and brokenness that comes with being an adult with issues. 

Feelings come and go, so do thoughts.

Bora doesn’t regret loving Minji.

But she really wishes it wouldn’t be so damn painful sometimes.

She’s trying to believe in love and all that schmuck Yoohyeon rambles about when she’s in a good mood.

She wants to believe in love—losing faith would mean losing hope and Bora has more to worry about if she ever lost her hope.)

Minji texts her.

minjwi ☀️: home safe! 

Texting back, Bora dreads the answer.

Bora: were they boring? was the food good? were they as cute as their pictures?

The reply is immediate.

minjwi ☀️: the food was good

minjwi ☀️: and she’s even cuter than her pictures :D

minjwi ☀️: i haven’t laughed like this in a long time…

Bora thinks she feels her heart splinter, another crack making a connection of constellations from the years of loving Minji like this.

She hates that she feels insulted and offended, as if she has the right to even feel possessive over someone she’s not entitled to. But, despite how gross and selfish she feels for it, Bora likes it better when Minji’s dates are boring.

(Sometimes. Bora thinks she’s being hypocritical because she’d swear up and down that she roots for Minji’s happiness and if it meant someone else making her happy, Bora would, ultimately, be glad that Minji found someone who did that for her.

Except, somewhere within her, Bora knows there couldn’t be anyone else out there who could do it better than her—who could make Minji laugh and cheer her up like she can.

Cue the self-loathing thoughts and exhausting cycle of feeling undermined and insulted and getting upset that she even has the audacity to feel like this and think that she ever had a place in Minji’s life like that and then admonishing herself for getting mad at herself for experiencing human emotion.)

Bora checks her calendar, sighs out when she realizes her next session is in a few days.

Her therapist has got to be sick of hearing about Minji—amongst other miscellaneous traumatic things.

Bora texts a reply that has little heart but enough emojis to pass by Minji’s keen sense of her feelings.

(If Minji were in front of her, any facade would be over in the blink of an eye, Minji’s sweet and comforting gaze holding her and working earnestly for her happiness to blink a light in her darkness.)

Bora loves Minji, even if it’s in silence.

Bora wishes she could be herself, loud and boisterous and unabashed, wishes she could love Minji like that without ruining and tangling their red string of fate into a knotted mess.

Some days are good—they’re easy and happy and loving Minji is the best thing to happen to her.

And some days are bad.

Bora just wants to stay in bed, protected by her sheets, far away from Minji because getting close is a devious temptation of what she won’t allow herself to chase.

(God, cuddling with Yoohyeon would cut all this stupid angst and overthinking by half, at most.

When Bora calls in the middle of the night, Yoohyeon’s voice is quiet but she picks up on the second ring.

Yoohyeon sings her to sleep and Bora thinks about how lucky she is to have Yoohyeon love her. 

At least the universe gave her Yoohyeon.)

Chapter Text

Sometimes Bora wonders how Minji doesn’t see it. See her. See how she loves her. 

Bora thinks it’s pretty obvious, what with how she clings to her and bends to her every will if it made Minji happy, how she dedicates a goal in her daily life to make her laugh, how her eyes could never fib a lie to save their ass. 

Her eyes say that she’s in love and it’s like everyone can see it but the person she’s in love with. 

(At this point, Minji’s cluelessness feels like a feat. Her obliviousness rivals how beautiful she is. Which is… very, to say the least.  

It is pretty weird that Minji isn’t the least bit suspicious. She’s usually quick to pick up on someone’s interest in her—she’s a people person, after all. She has a natural skill at slipping past the defensive walls people have, finding her way straight to their heart with barely any struggle. She’s a natural charmer with her kindness and flirty smiles and eyes; she knows exactly how she affects people.

Maybe Bora is just a fluke.

Or maybe Minji definitely doesn’t see her in that way.)

But then Bora remembers that when she first started loving Minji as a friend, some part of her has always loved her like this, that there is nothing abnormal about her love because it has consistently been genuine and selfless and far more than platonic.

Bora supposes she can cut Minji some slack. 

And maybe it’s better that Minji doesn’t know because Bora likes pampering her, likes spending time with her as her genuine simping self. Minus the whole…not telling her that she’s deeply and irrevocably in love with her part.

So, that is why Bora is pushing Minji around in her laundry basket, feeling a fierce burn in her thighs, core, and arms from turning her place into a mini amusement park.

Why is Bora subjecting herself to pushing around a full-grown woman in her laundry basket?

She blames it on the thunderstorm roaring outside.

They had plans to visit an amusement park to relieve themselves from the stress of work, temporarily reverting back to the feeling of their younger years where their only plan was working thirty hours in a week and pretending that they’re going to go to the gym only for them to be two masses on their couch watching TV.

Minji was looking forward to it all month, she even bought motion sickness patches for herself in case growing older caught up with her and made rollercoasters a blender for her guts. She had texted everyday, sending wishes and hopes and prayers that the weather forecast was wrong, that there was not going to be a heavy downpour with thunder and lightning.  

But alas, the weather forecast was accurate and Minji started her day sadly pouting outside her window, watching as the rain came down on her parade. As disappointed as Bora was about their plans washing away with the rain, she was even more disappointed to see the forlorn sadness in Minji’s eyes. 

Like always, Bora took it upon herself to cheer her up. So, she took her laundry basket, playfully pushed Minji into it with zero explanation whatsoever.

“Bora! What are you doing?! Why’d you push me?!”

Bora taps at her phone preoccupied.

Screaming erupts from her speakers, the familiar sound of the deep locking of gears on a rollercoaster rising higher and higher.

She needs the ambiance, to set the mood.

Laughter bubbles from Minji’s lips when she catches on, leaning back into Bora’s chest for a moment, resting her temple against her cheek.

Minji’s smile mirrors Bora, her hands grasping the sides of her laundry basket in preparation.

“You ready?”

Minji nods with an excitement that Bora feels rushing through her veins, thinks that this feels better than sighing about their changed plans, runs through her living room with Minji’s laughter powering her every step.

Minji shrieks as Bora takes a sharp turn, the bottom of her laundry basket lifting from the ground at the sudden change—Bora offsets it by putting more weight on that side, making noises that replicate a rollercoaster as extra detail to her makeshift ride. 

As Bora slows to a stop, the aching in her muscles warns her of the soreness that will follow. When Minji climbs out of the basket, Bora all but collapses on the floor, heaving heavy breaths, her lungs gasping in air after the vigorous work she put it through. Minji, being the angel that she is, leaves to get water and snacks for them to enjoy.

It might have been a few minutes but it’s all Bora needs to pass out on the floor, sprawled out and snoozing away. (Lately, Bora has been tiring herself out, putting extra hours at corporate evil to get more commission money to properly treat Minji out at the amusement park. Even if it’s for naught, Bora is sure she can find a way to spoil Minji in other ways with her extra money.)

Bora thinks she can feel Minji running her fingers through her hair after she wiped away her sweat with a napkin.

She dreams of an angel wearing bunny pajamas, smiles that feel like summer memories.

Chapter Text

The sun is shining, everything is good, life is beautiful. 

Minji is over the moon—she is the sun shining, she is everything good, she makes life beautiful. And she got a promotion!

Bora knew the time would come eventually. 

Minji is getting promoted from senior director to associate vice president and she is just one less step away from her dream.

Bora is proud of her, happy for her. Really! Minji positively radiates when she’s this happy. She’s someone motivated by her goals, identifies herself with her work ethic and success, persistently works until she’s happy with herself. Finally being recognized by the board members for her sharp eye to detail, training abilities, and successful projects she has led, Bora knew Minji was going to get promoted as soon as news about the CFO retiring came out. It’s all a chain of movement—when one leaves, another moves up to take their place.

There was no else who could have been better to fulfill the path towards leadership and productivity.

Except, that means Minji moving departments.

Which means never seeing her, no Minjitonin to get her through her days.

Quitting is looking even more tempting than before.

Truthfully, Bora has been sending in applications and interviewing for the past few months, putting herself out there and embracing rejection because getting jobs is about getting rejected until someone puts their faith in her.

Only Yoohyeon knows about this.

It’s just that Minji has been so busy and focused on getting promoted that Bora never saw the right time to get her out of her flow and tell her, to disrupt her routine of seeing her and being cheered on while she pushes for a bigger role. And plus, Bora doesn’t like sharing bad news, going through the cycle of having hope with an interview and having it crash when she gets the “We regretfully inform you that we have chosen someone else to fulfill this position.” 

But, Bora is in the third round for an interview at a digital marketing company and it’s getting harder and harder to stop herself from thinking that she has got it in the bag. The interviewers seem to like her, they joke around and go on small tangents that make a question and answer session feel like a pleasant conversation. They tell her that they’ll get back to her within a few days and they always do.

(Even Yoohyeon struggled to contain her excitement for Bora when she told her about her interviews.) 

Bora has been aching for an opportunity, a single chance to show what she can do, that she is someone trustworthy and hardworking and innovative.

While Bora is treating Minji out for a congratulatory dinner, in which Minji is stuffing her face with samgyeopsal wraps, her phone pings, an email notification from the company Bora has been interviewing for.

Bora thinks about excusing herself to read the email, restrains herself because tonight is about Minji and Minji only.

Plus, if Bora got rejected, she’s positive Minji will be able to smell the disappointment coming from her. And tonight is about good vibes and making Minji feel special and praised because she deserves it especially tonight. So, Bora shelves the email for later, separates the pickled perilla leaf Minji has been battling with.

Minji hums with pleased happiness when she eats. She’s so beautiful like this—proud of herself, content with life. Bora would follow her to the ends of the world if it meant being able to see her turn her dreams into her reality. 

But, Bora reminds herself that she needs to chase her happiness outside of Minji, too.

She is more than who she loves and she can’t be afraid of being away from Minji to do what she needs to do.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Bora isn’t sure how she can get any more fond of Minji but she knows her heart will find a way.

She always finds a way.

No matter what it is, Bora finds a way to bear the weight of her life on her shoulders. She found a way to love Minji without it turning sour, how to work at a job she hates without it taking away her light, how to be a better friend and person.

This is no different and she’s willing to bet that Minji will grow with her as they go—that’s how it has always been.

Chapter Text

It has been two weeks since Minji left their department.

It’s also the first time that Bora doesn’t step into that dreaded, godforsaken office, her final two weeks spent lying through her teeth whenever Minji asked about how she has been, eager to hear any updates in her life.

(After dropping Minji off that night, Bora read the email in her car, far too impatient to wait to drive home. Bora had to muffle her squeal, miniature stomping of her feet in her car, because she’s still in Minji’s neighborhood and there’s no need for the neighborhood watch to alert Minji of the weird behavior happening right outside of her place.

Dear Miss Kim Bora, 

We were excited to get to know you throughout the hiring process. We were impressed with your passion and portfolio. Therefore, we would like to formally extend the role of our Graphic Designer to you. We look forward to working with you!

For the first time in a while, Bora felt like she was finally making the steps it takes to be happier with herself and career—felt like she was no longer locked behind the door of opportunity.

Yoohyeon is half-asleep when Bora calls her.

“I got the job!”

There’s rustling from Yoohyeon’s side of the call. Her voice starts out gruff, “R-really?” She clears her throat, “I knew you could!” Bora hears a small yip, undoubtedly Pie rousing awake. “Come home as soon as you can! I got a cake today to congratulate you,” Yoohyeon stalls and sheepishly adds, “or to cheer you up but whatever! Drive safe!”

By the time Bora came home, Yubin was also there with Yoohyeon on the couch, sleepily leaning on her, their fingers laced together with Pie laid out on Yubin’s lap.

If Minji is her soulmate, Yubin is Yoohyeon’s.

Except Yoohyeon is one of the lucky ones who managed to have the love of her life love her back. Bora doesn’t even have it in her to be even a little petty or jealous—as much as Yubin deserves to be loved, so does Yoohyeon.)

Bora hasn’t told Minji of the good news yet.

She’d probably be upset to find out that she’s the last of their friend group to know.

Bora can already picture the hurt clouding her eyes, the sad and punctured sound of her voice, the betrayal written all over her. It’s impossible to face her knowing that Minji could be hurt by her, hard to be herself around her when Bora feels like she’s hiding something monumental about herself that Minji deserves to know.

(The job. Not the fact that Bora loves her. She’s pretty sure she’ll take that feeling with her to the grave.)

Bora was the first to know about Minji’s promotion.

It would’ve been fair for Minji to know the moment she found out, but Bora can’t be strong all the time.

Because she’s also a coward, scared to distance herself from Minji and interrupting her dream of the two of them working together to smash the glass ceiling. Each day went by with Bora on the edge of telling Minji her news only for her to shy away and run the opposite direction, wearing smiles to hide the anxious thoughts drowning her. 

It all catches up to her anyway.

Minji calls her, worried, “Where are you? I came to drop off an iced choco for you but you’re not here. I’ve missed seeing you and I wanted to catch up over lunch!” 

Bora can practically hear the pout on her lips, feels pins and needles at the sudden confrontation of her anxiety, “I’m uh- Can we talk about it in person, Ji?”

Minji’s entire disposition shifts, serious concern in her voice, “What do you mean? Is everything okay?”

Bora doesn’t even have a chance to reply, her nosy colleague she has never liked butting into a conversation they were not invited into.

“Didn’t you hear? She quit.”

Minji is quiet for the next few breaths Bora forces herself to drag in. She faintly hears the clicking of Minji’s heels walking away to a more private area.

“You quit?”

Bora nurses her forehead in her hands, a sudden headache banging against her temple.

Bora isn’t too sure how Minji feels. She’s good at controlling her reactions to her emotions. Even if it meant dealing with being the last to know about her best friend’s life.

“I sent in my two weeks the day after you got promoted.” Bora finds herself rambling panicked sentences, hoping that they’ll redeem her behavior, “I’ve been interviewing for graphic designer positions and I didn’t want to tell you because it’s always a shit show and I didn’t want to worry you about it since you were so busy and, I mean, it’s better if you didn’t know because then I wouldn’t have to tell you I got rejected and-” 

Bora heaves in a breath, “and I was too afraid to tell you that I left because I told you I’d be there to see you reach for CEO but I couldn’t take working there anymore if…” Bora stops herself, unwilling to admit to Minji that she only stayed for her. “Anyway, I got hired at this new place and I put my two weeks in and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry you had to hear from someone else that I left.”

Minji sighs out heavily. She sounds hurt, resigned. Her voice is soft, “I’m sorry I didn’t make time for you, Bboya. Or see that you didn’t like working here. I would’ve done something if I knew you were having a hard time.”

Bora shakes her head even though Minji can’t see her dissent, “I’m not your responsibility, Minji. I stayed because I had a reason and-” A sudden thought interrupts her, “Wait, you’re not upset that I didn’t tell you?”

Breathing out a small laugh on the other side of the phone, Minji admits, “I am. A little. I’m your best friend—I want to be able to celebrate with you when you’re happy and I want to comfort you when you’re sad. I wish I had known so I could have at least taken you out for dinner as congratulations or something instead of just looking around for you at work and thinking you were avoiding me for some reason.”

“So, you don’t even feel…a little…betrayed?”

Minji reassures her with a special kindness that only she is capable of, “I’m more upset that you ghosted me than I am that you left. That’s not even a problem. I want you to do the things that make you happy. I don’t want you stuck at a job that isn’t fulfilling. And if you didn’t have a reason to stay, then, you didn’t.”

Bora is sure of it. As each day passes, she’s more and more sure.

Minji is an angel sent from heaven. She is a gift that keeps giving, too damn good for the world, for Bora, for anyone.

(Minji doesn’t ask about her reason to stay. Bora isn’t too sure she’d be able to lie anymore if she asked.)

Chapter Text

Bora doesn’t miss her old job at all. Like, there is not a single part of her that misses the depressing office with malfunctioning printers and snacks that are about as good as the facilities.

She does, however, miss Minji. She misses smiling at Minji from across her desk and making her laugh, distracting her from her work for a moment because Minji is terrible at taking breaks. She misses lunch breaks with her, finding ways to make the thirty minutes away from corporate hell absolute heaven. She even misses walking with Minji to their cars after a long day of work. It’s the little things she misses, all the little tasks she’d do with Minji, like grocery shopping for better snacks during their lunch and making fun of their boss’ very terribly noticeable fake toupee. 

Don’t get her wrong. She loves her new job, loves that she’s doing something she’s passionate about and can really apply herself to. She loves the challenge and the work it takes to be creative on a deadline. Her colleagues like her, too. They’re funny and they don’t think she’s mentally insane when she has her moments of doing the absolute most. Even Handong, who Bora thought she’d never get along with, likes her. (If anything, Handong might like her the most between all their peers—it makes Bora feel pretty fucking smug about worming her way into Handong’s good side.) They quietly laugh together about silly jokes and mistakes that they catch; they’re good partners.

But sometimes, Bora looks up from her work hoping to catch Minji’s eye and her glittering smile only to remember that Minji is no longer her coworker that sends her silly faces across her desk, that there is no Minji to laugh with and get lunch with. It’s harder seeing her than it was before. They’re both busy, juggling multiple projects and responsibilities. 

(Bora doesn’t even know if Minji is still seeing that person she went on that date with that one night. The last she heard, Minji liked them enough to go on a few more dates. And it kind of killed Bora each time Minji talked about it but best friends are supposed to be there for girl talk so Bora sucks it up and stays strong because Minji makes her want to be strong for her.)

So, that is why Bora makes it a point to clear out her Friday evening, telling Minji to write her into her plans because chef extraordinaire Kim Bora is on the case.

(Minji had told her in passing that she has missed home-cooked food since she has been so busy that she hasn’t been able to cook herself dinner, getting take out for the past few weeks. 

Bora plans on rectifying that.)

Making dinner goes by smoothly, more than it does when Yoohyeon is there to help because they do more goofing off than they do cooking but Bora likes it that way with her. When Minji is there, she likes doing the mise en place and prepping ingredients for her. Bora lets her because it lets her selfishly revel in the domesticity of it all, the peace and joy in the memory of cooking with Minji like she used to in college. Minji has been craving buseot sot-bap so they’re in the kitchen cooking mushrooms and laughing about how Minji goofily pretends to flex and break an egg between her biceps.

(It nearly drops to the floor but Bora has the intuition to keep her hands ready when the egg rolls away and falls into her hand. Minji ends up cracking the egg on her countertop to fry it on her pan.)

Bora misses doing something and nothing with Minji. Because when Bora tells Yoohyeon about this later, all she’ll have to say is that they cooked dinner and argued about piplup being better than mudkip. (Minji is extremely stubborn and adamant about mudkip being better. They agree to disagree because, obviously, to Bora, piplup wins by a ton.)

(Minji and Bora—mostly Minji—also tried breaking an apple in half with their bare hands. Bora thinks Minji was only able to do it because she has the hands of someone that could suffocate anyone with a singular palm, so, whatever.)

In the silence between their silly little talks, Minji lets out a sigh like it carries all her stress and she’s relieved to let it go. 

There’s something in how she sounds. Serious and sincere, loving, “What would I do without you, Bboya?”

Bora shrugs just like how she shrugs off her first thought, “I think you’d be just fine without me.” Instead, Bora forgoes a half-empty cup and chooses to fill hers half-way full, “You’d probably find a way to find me. We’re soulmates, remember?”

Minji smiles, the one that’s tender and small and spells adoration, “I could never forget.”

Chapter Text

Minji calls her in the middle of the night. 

(Bora can bet it’s Minji because only Minji is allowed to bypass her Do Not Disturb without needing to call her three times and no one needs her enough to call three times in a row.)

It wouldn’t be odd if Bora couldn’t tell that Minji had just been crying—it’s the congestion in how she sounds, the way her voice breaks, the slight drawl with a whine tugging at her words. 

“Bora?”

Bora shifts in her bed, blearily blinking her eyes to wake herself up.

“Yeah?”

Minji sniffles, sounds like she has to force out her words with Herculean effort, “Can I come over? Please?”

Already slipping out of bed to get Minji’s pair of household slippers out of her closet, Bora reaches for a hoodie Minji keeps at her place, “Of course! You don’t even need to ask, Ji. Just text me when you’re here.”

Minji utters a quiet, “Thank you.”

She doesn’t hang up. Bora doesn’t either. There’s something about how she sounds that makes Bora believe she’s needed, even if it’s just her silence over the line, thinks that Minji just wants to know she’s there.

Always, forever, Bora will be there for her.

In the darkness, Bora fumbles for the lights.

“I’m making myself ramen. Do you want some?”

Faintly, she can hear the humming of Minji’s car when she drives. “Can I have some of yours?”

When it came to Minji, she’d never have to ask for anything because Bora would give it willingly, without a single ounce of hesitation.

But, it does concern her that Minji doesn’t want her own. A Minji who doesn’t have her appetite is a Minji who’s not okay. Bora can’t help but to wonder what version of her she’ll get, how she can return the happiness Minji gives her because it sounds like she needs it.

Trying to lighten up the mood, Bora gently jokes, “Since you asked so nicely.”

Minji’s little laugh is watery, heavy like it carries emotions it’s buckling under.

It’s times like this that remind Bora that Minji can’t always be her sunshine, that Bora can’t always be her sunflower waiting for her light to shine on her. 

Bora could be her sunlight too. Bora would be anything, could be anything, Minji needed her to be. 

Love kind of makes that possible—it gives Bora the motivation to figure out a way to fill the vacancies Minji needs her to fill. And Bora always finds a way if it concerns Minji.

Bora can hear when Minji arrives, a soft, “I’m here,” coming from behind her door. The moment Bora lets her in, Minji all but swallows her in a bear hug, tight and desperate, like this hug is the one thing that will keep all her broken pieces together. So, Bora hugs her just as tightly, draws circles and swirls on her back to calm her down, playing with her hair.

Minji ends up eating half of her ramen as she occupies herself with talking about the K-Drama she’s watching. Bora is aware that this talk is all fluff as much as Minji is, but talking about the elephant in the room over Shin Ramen isn’t exactly appropriate. So, Bora entertains the discourse about the drawn-out love triangle and the toxic mother that puts way too much of her identity in her daughter’s success.

Ambling to the couch after Minji changes into her pajamas, her hoodie and one of Bora’s baggy shirts and pants that sit a little higher than her ankles. Minji’s house slippers are put to the side of their couch as she folds her legs under her.

She looks so small. In an adorable way. But also in a way that nicks Bora’s heart because Minji is usually larger than life, so full of light and confidence that she carries herself with such commanding energy. Leaning her back against the armrest of her couch, Bora asks a silent question with her open arms, in which Minji abandons her curled up spot for the invitation that guarantees safety and comfort.

“I had a date tonight with the girl I told you about.”

Bora figured as much. Minji looked beautiful tonight with her outfit, a white cashmere vest and her button-up tucked into her pants.

(It’s the kind of beautiful that gives Bora comfort. Minji could look beautiful in a way that Bora loses her words, jaw dropped and floored. She could look elegant and untouchable. But Bora’s favorite is the one where there’s that dorky part of Minji that is so innately her, the one where Minji feels most comfortable.)

Minji sounds like she’s just going through the motions of telling her about her night with the emptiness in her voice, “I wanted to ask if she’d be my girlfriend tonight but she uh…she stood me up. And ended it over a text.”

Bora knows she’s supposed to be comforting and soft, like a blanket to protect Minji from all the bad things in the world. Like shitty girls who break up with the sun over a fucking text. But, Bora can’t help getting mad, peeved that anyone wouldn’t have the common decency to end a relationship in person. Especially since Minji is the one nursing a broken heart.

If Bora had the chance like that girl had, she wouldn’t abuse it. She’d spend every day figuring out how to make her happy, how to be a girlfriend that Minji deserves. God knows that she wouldn’t do something as fucked up as standing her up and breaking it off over a text like a damn coward. (But then again, Bora would probably never even think of breaking up with Minji to begin with.)

“She said that she just…doesn’t feel it. But she said that I didn’t…she said it felt like I was never really there with her when we were together, but I was! I know I’m busy all the time but I made sure I didn’t talk too much about myself or work when we had our dates.”

Bora never had the opportunity, but she believes in Minji when she asserts that she tried her damn best to be a good date for her.

(If Minji’s friendship is telling of anything, her efforts are dedicated to who she’s with and her attention is always on them. It doesn’t make sense to Bora that Minji wouldn’t do the same for someone that she imagined some kind of future with.)

Squeezing her in her arms, Bora sighs out when Minji nuzzles into her neck, “Maybe you weren’t on the same page?” She pauses, mulls over her next thought, “But, Ji, if she wasn’t willing to give you a chance to explain or fix anything, I don’t think she’s worth your time.”

Minji deflates, tired and aching for some time away from her thoughts and doubts, “I really thought we could work.”

Carding her fingers through Minji’s hair and accepting the task of being Minji’s teddy bear for the night, Bora adjusts herself, “If it’s meant to be, it’ll all work out. And if it’s not, at least you gave it your best, right?”

The woman nods into the crook of her neck, sleepy sighs breezing her skin.

“Everything will be okay. You’ll find someone who loves you. Like, really loves you the way you deserve.”

Bora thinks she might have hallucinated it, barely even catches the end of Minji’s thought, “...were you.”

And because Bora can be as scared as she can be strong, she doesn’t ask Minji to repeat herself. 

Fear digs its steely grip into her throat, so suffocating that it keeps her from speaking.

Minji sleeps peacefully through the night, Bora floats between half-awake and wondering what would have happened if she took the chance.

Chapter Text

Normally, on weekends, Bora and Minji hang out to catch up and giggle and do things that Bora and Minji do.

Today, they’re painting.

Well, it’s more like Minji snoozing away on her stomach while Bora paints her back. (Minji painted a sunflower earlier on while Bora chased Yoohyeon around the place for painting a family picture and making Bora two inches tall while she and Pie loomed over her like giants.)

It’s peaceful like this. By now, Yoohyeon is passed out on the couch, softly snoring, while Pie stretches out over her torso, sleeping just as well as her owner. Even if it’s quiet and Bora feels the need to make sure she’s not breathing too loudly, this is the best she has felt in a long while.

Bora is a pretty simple person when it comes to happiness—it doesn’t take a lot to make her happy. She likes it when she’s home and she can hear Yoohyeon humming in the next room, Pie’s little click-clacks as she walks on their wood floor. She likes it whenever Minji is close and she likes painting to relieve her stress and get lost in her creation.

So, all in all, it’s a perfect day.

Lately, she has been missing the ocean. A lonely white sailboat bobbles over the water, a sunset painted on the expanse of Minji’s back. Life has been so busy with work picking up and having more hangouts planned with their friends. Don’t get her wrong. Bora loves hanging out with her friends. But, it’d be a lie if she said she didn’t miss the quiet and simple evenings staying at home and living in her own bubble that only had space for Yoohyeon, her tiny puppy, and Minji.

(Yoohyeon and Pie get the invitation merely because they’re her housemates and Bora has gotten used to their presence in the house that she doesn’t feel the need to maintain her high energy to entertain them.

Minji, on the other hand, gets the exclusive pass of being around Bora whenever she wants because Bora always wants her.)

There have been plenty of times where Bora wished she could capture a memory and bottle it to keep it safe.

When she was younger and her parents took her to Everland, she can still remember the smell of buttery popcorn wafting in the air, the glittering of lights all around her, the way the parade of floats lit her up inside with joy and excitement.

In high school, she was in the dance team and the first time they had a performance, Bora had felt so nervous she thought she might pass out. But the moment she stepped on stage, she felt this rush of adrenaline and confidence, pride and energy pumping her up when her peers cheered her on. Sometimes, when “Mirotic” comes on, Bora feels like she’s sixteen again, the sound of yelling elevating her charisma.

Bora doesn’t really remember when she first met Minji—she had been a few drinks in and Minji was just one of the girls she pulled in to dance with because dancing with girls felt safer than dancing with guys that would touch her in places she didn’t want to be touched. She does, however, remember the panic of waking up in a bed that wasn’t hers, a soft hand resting on her stomach, the smell of flowers and vanilla and oat calming her because no straight man would smell like lavenders and sweetness. Bora remembers sleepy murmuring, the soft whistle of air breezing against her neck, a Rilakkuma plushie staring at her on the desk chair across from her. Bora believed Minji when she had groggily told her that they hadn’t done anything, that Bora passed out on her shoulder after dancing with her and that she had giggled all the way from the party and back to her place. And that was it—when life went from Bora to Bora and Minji , together. 

(Bora did hate frats and frat boys but she did have to owe it up to the sorority party she got invited to by some frat guy for bringing Minji into her life. She has no doubt she would’ve ran into Minji in another way if she hadn’t gone, because soulmates find each other no matter what, but she’s glad she met her sooner than later.)

This day feels like one of those memories she wants to bottle up. The quietness surrounding her is rare—there is always something happening. The peace that settles itself within Bora is calming and special, the kind that Bora knows doesn’t come around often. 

Minji shifts an inch, Bora lifts her paintbrush in case it’s tickling her awake. The blonde underneath her quietly grunts, turns her neck with a stiffness that only means she had to have had a deep nap. Carefully folding over and making sure her shirt doesn’t dip and touch the painting on her back, Bora noses into her hair—gentle and soft like the “good afternoon” she murmurs by her ear.

Minji smiles and Bora can tell because she can see how her cheekbones rise.

“Have a good nap?”

A yawn, the sound of Minji sleepily smacking her lips, a little groan when she stretches out her legs, “Very. You were in my dream.”

Bora feels herself smiling, for what reason she doesn’t know other than being so close to the girl she loves. “What was I doing?”

Minji laughs softly, rubbing her eyes, “We were riding a giant version of Cherry on her back and we went to Jeju to eat the black samgyeopsal they have.”

Fondness tides Bora’s heart, feels how much she can love Minji all at once when the feeling washes over her, “Sounds like an amazing dream.”

Minji’s hands reach behind her to caress the legs bracketing her thighs, “The best I’ve had in a long time.”

While Minji fiddles with her phone and occasionally shows Bora a funny video over her shoulder, Bora draws two seagulls soaring in the sky, free and flying towards Jeju. The lonely sailboat bobbles with the sun lighting its way.

Bora can’t capture memories to put them in bottles but she takes a picture of the drawing on Minji’s back and writes in the memo underneath it, “To Jeju, Just Us Two.”

Chapter Text

Summer used to be Bora’s favorite season when she was younger.

It was when Bora started working that she realized summer was decently average and that she really just liked having freedom away from schoolwork. 

Summers as an adult don’t feel very different compared to the other seasons. She wakes up, works, goes home to cook and unwind, maintains a social life as best as she can whilst being a cog in corporate evil. Just like how winter brought snow, spring and its flowers, autumn and the changing of leaves, summer brought heat. Waves of heat. Like the one Bora and Minji are melting through right now.

This week’s load of work was productive and pleasant—Handong and Bora finished up a project and celebrated it for, maybe, five minutes before remembering that they had a presentation to prepare for. As for Minji, she’s excelling in all the responsibilities of an associate vice president—she thrives under the pressure and expectations given to her, making her name known to the board members.

“You know what sounds really fun right now?”

Minji grunts, fanning herself, “What?”

Bora grimaces at the towel that was around her neck, now warm from keeping her cool.

“A vacation to Jeju. Escape from all this. The heat, work. Taking a break and pretending like all we have to worry about is what we’re gonna eat.”

The sigh that leaves Minji sounds dreamy, like she’s already mentally standing in the sands of Jeju’s beaches, feeling the breeze through her hair, and not like she’s sitting in Bora’s living room sweating out ten percent of her water weight. But then she groans, a dramatized sound of regret, “I just paid off my car. I have, like, twenty dollars in my checking account.”

When Bora looks over, Minji’s lips are in a deep pout, Jeju feeling further than ever to her. Exhaling with the same amount of weariness, Bora complains just the same about adult problems, “Rent and car insurance ate up my money, too.” 

And since Bora is an optimist (or she’s trying to be when she wants to cheer Minji up), she lifts herself up from the slouched position she was in, “We have a combined forty-five dollars we can spend. That’s enough to buy gummies, some drinks, and maybe a few chicken tenders. And I have the lapras floatie Yoohyeon bought that one summer and the kiddie pool she got when it was hot. It’s not Jeju but we can pretend?”

Minji laughs, bright and warm, soft and comforting, unlike the harsh sun roasting them. “It’s a date, Bboya!”

Maybe if Bora weren’t so set on the idea that Minji is absolutely not into her in that way, she’d panic. But Bora never gives herself the hope so she brushes it off with a grin that reflects Minji’s.

It’s hard to tell when Minji is flirting with her. They’ve been friends for so long, touchy and making suggestive jokes to each other, that Bora has just accepted that anytime Minji’s hand lingers on the small of her back or drags a gentle touch down her sternum it doesn’t mean anything more than Minji being Minji.

(But sometimes, Bora finds herself thinking, “Is Minji flirting with me…” before getting her head out of the clouds and brushing it off with a resolute and disbelieving, “Nah…”

She could only dream.)

When they come back from the store, they are forty-five dollars poorer, but rich in sour fruit gummies, four mini bottles of alcohol, and eight chicken tenders to enjoy.

Bora annoys Yoohyeon over the phone asking about where she keeps the air pump for her floatie and kiddie pool, makes a promise that she’ll clean it out when they’re done and refill it so that Pie can enjoy the cool water, too.

The only problem is that the kiddie pool is…tiny. It’s Pie-sized, really. Because once Bora puts the lapras floatie in the pool, it all but dwarves it with its fins, Bora’s little cup of tequila and margarita mix sitting in the cupholder. 

“Hmm…I wasn’t expecting this.”

Minji absentmindedly nods before laughter falls from her lips, disbelief and amusement at the befuddling image in front of her. 

“Yoohyeon didn't tell me the kiddie pool was Pie-sized. I thought it was average-human-sized.”

Accepting the fate that they’re meant to sweat under the sweltering sun, Bora and Minji retreat indoors to fetch Pie because if Minji and she couldn’t enjoy the pool, at least the cute pomeranian could. When Bora comes back with Pie in her arms, there’s something missing in the floatie.

“Where’s my drink?”

“You had a drink?”

Bora blanches.

Tequila flavored pool water. Yum.

Thirty minutes and a refilled pool later, Minji and Bora clink their glasses under the shade, chicken tenders in their other hands, the lapras floatie holding their sour gummies between them, Pie living her best puppy life in the Pie Pool.

It’s no Jeju but it still feels right.

That’s not surprising to Bora because anything done with Minji feels right.

Chapter Text

Minji meets Handong during a company party. 

Handong genuinely laughs around Minji, different from the one she shares with colleagues over superficial conversation. Bora feels herself sigh with relief. Before Bora met Minji, Yoohyeon was her friend that seemed to filter the people Bora met. And if Yoohyeon didn’t like someone, it was very clear to Bora that she’d probably leave them behind because Yoohyeon likes, nearly, everyone. Or, she tries to find reasons to. (Bora thinks she’s a little too nice sometimes but that’s what Bora loves about her—that compassion and open-mindedness she has that can’t be bought or easily learned.)

Now, Bora has Yoohyeon and Minji to judge the new people she meets. Which is handy because both of them have her best interest in mind, are exceptionally kind and warm, and are quick to tell Bora when something is off with someone. So, seeing Minji getting along with Handong means she passes the bestie test and it’s a relief because Bora really likes having Handong around at work because she doesn’t make work feel like work.

Approaching them, Bora understands why so many of her colleagues stopped her and asked, “Who’s that,” with unrestrained curiosity and interest in their eyes. The sight of the two of them together is pretty life-changing.

(Bora may be head over heels, infinitely and then some, and hopelessly in love with Minji but she has two working eyes and Handong is really fucking gorgeous too. It makes sense why anyone would want to know the beautiful women in the room.)

As nice as the company party is, Bora is looking forward to the after-party—the one with their friends. Tonight, Handong is meeting the whole “gayng” and Bora has been looking forward to this night for the past two weeks.

The last time they introduced someone to their group, Yoohyeon made Siyeon her partner in crime and now they karaoke together every other Saturday. (Bora was right about them. Siyeon grew on Yoohyeon within minutes and Yoohyeon had Siyeon looking like the soft marshmallow she is with just a smile and silly little joke that only she’s capable of pulling off.) 

Throughout the years of Minji and Bora being friends and making their own along the way, they had made this little family of six—six girls that loved each other with their whole heart, six girls to make a home away from home. 

Bora is hoping there will be seven once this night ends—she has hope, wants to believe that Handong could be part of their family because Bora doesn’t like the idea of moving on without her in her life and Bora is only like that with Minji, Siyeon, Yoohyeon, Yubin, and Gahyeon. Mostly because she has accepted that people leave and that life cycles out people who grow with her for a time but not for forever.

Her little made family is her forever and Bora likes it like that, likes that it started feeling like a blossoming flower of home and safety when she met Minji. 

(Before everyone else and it was just Bora and Yoohyeon, they were two girls against the world. Yoohyeon became someone Bora would protect with her very last breath and Yoohyeon has this unconscious talent of turning friends into family so Bora became hers. Everything else is history.)

It’s no surprise that when Handong meets their friends, Yoohyeon greets her with that sunshine smile of hers that runs along the same veins as Minji’s because it’s completely possible to have two bright masses of light in one group. Then, Yoohyeon keeps to herself because that’s what she does when she’s shy but Handong gets her laughing before she can even finish her meal and Yoohyeon only burns brighter when she feels more comfortable around her.

As if it was meant to be, Handong seamlessly fits right in and Minji smiles like she’s proud to show this little family of hers to someone new.

Minji leans closer into her, happy and sweet, her voice wraps around her like an embrace, “You look beautiful, Bora.”

Bora blushes and giggles like a teenager in love, softly bumps her forehead against Minji’s and lets herself stay there, Minji’s eyes looking back at her like she has found something—someone—special.

“And you always look beautiful, Minji.”

The smile adorning Minji’s lips is loving as she scrunches her nose adorably, booping her nose with hers before she pulls away.

It’s always like this when Bora feels herself slipping and falling deeper in love with Minji.

Minji’s smile beams like a lighthouse bringing lost sailors home and Bora thanks the universe that she stumbled into her, that Minji brought her home. Home to her.

Minji squeezes her hand in hers.

Bora thinks it’s possible to hold the sun in her hands.

The evening fades away and Bora has a new homescreen for her phone. It’s the seven of them, all piled on top of each other—a mess of limbs and laughter and hopes of making a future together. 

Bora isn’t too sure how they ended up like that, but sometimes the best things don’t need an explanation, can’t possibly be explained.

Just like Minji and her mere existence. Bora can’t sum her up in a sentence without leaving something about her behind. She isn’t like a simple word with a definition—she’s not clear-cut and easily understood like that. Minji is everything. She is the sun, she is spring. She’s like summer memories of laughter and bliss, a warm fireplace keeping her cozy in the winter. Minji is Bora’s everything and Bora would be happy to spend her entire lifetime learning about her, fruitlessly trying to explain a wonder of the universe when there aren’t the right words invented yet to capture her energy, heart, and soul.

(Bora spends extra time looking at her homescreen before she sleeps, hugs her phone to her chest because she didn’t get to hug them long enough before they left. 

The picture of a soaked Minji and her broken umbrella still welcomes Bora every time she looks at her phone.

Bora smiles every time.)

Chapter Text

It has always been hard trying to get her heart out of her head and separating Minji’s normal loving and affectionate self from Bora’s fantasies. 

When she first started loving Minji, it felt selfish to her—taking advantage of Minji’s innate way of loving in large amounts that leave no room for doubt and accepting her affection like a leech without letting Minji know how it made her feel. But, her therapist made it easier for Bora to see that Minji loves that way because she wants to, not because she’s hoping for a reaction outside of what is platonic—that it was just her brain villainizing herself for something as small as accepting affection when it’s willingly given to her.

Accepting that made it easier for Bora. In every way possible. She’d never tell Minji to change the way she loves her, especially since it makes Minji happy to love her like this. And, of course, Bora doesn’t have any problems with it—she would take anything if it came from Minji. Even if it is her anger or discomfort, Bora knows that if she ever receives it, she deserves it.

But, lately, it has been even harder trying to persuade herself that Minji’s candy-sweet, saccharine compliments and lingering, flirty eyes and hot little touches were just friendly.

Really, Bora is struggling . Loving her in silence for this long and being treated like she’s something more than a friend is…fucking her up. Because it feels like Minji is blurring the boundaries and if Bora is a pro at blurring boundaries and Minji is making their lines confusing, feeling lost is the only thing Bora knows when it comes to how to act around Minji lately.

Would it be right to flirt back? Would it be rude if she backed away?

But Bora reminds herself that she needs to prioritize her feelings and her heart because even if Minji is her angel, she needs to take care of herself—that she can’t spend hours awake wondering if Minji kissing the corner of her lips meant something more or if the alcohol she drank made her miss her cheek. But, Bora also remembers that Minji hates being ghosted, left questioning if she did something wrong or if Bora had gone and gotten herself hurt in some way.

She’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Because if Bora could have it her way, she’d be at Minji’s place pouring her heart out on her doorstep and asking for a single chance to take care of her and love her the way she has been aching to. Yet, ruining the friendship is something Bora refuses to do.

She’s a perfectionist at heart. Whatever she does, Bora makes sure it's to the best of her abilities. Whatever she puts out into the world, she makes sure she’s proud of it.

Bora could never be proud of herself if she managed to ruin the best thing that ever happened to her, would never be happy with herself if she made Minji uncomfortable and changed the way they fit together.

She’s terrified. Absolutely mortified at the idea of Minji avoiding her, cutting her off. Even worse, if Minji had to pretend or adjust herself out of consideration for her feelings. Bora refuses to be someone Minji has to make room for—to be a burden or a regret—because Minji does enough of that as is. 

Minji regretting her and their friendship would shatter her heart, more than loving her in silence ever does.

But Bora thinks her heart is breaking more than usual. It’s hard bringing her heart down from the clouds and back to reality, to stop herself from thinking what they could be if Minji loved her back. 

They could be so good.

Bora knows she’d be on her best behavior, believes that Minji could love her better than anyone in the world if she ever did.

If.

All the if’s and what if’s keep Bora awake. Even Handong made a comment about her sluggishness and the way she drags her feet. So, if Handong saw it, there was no way Minji wouldn’t be able to tell.

And that is why Minji is sitting on her couch with concern written all over her face asking if Bora has been having more nightmares than usual or if she’s stressed out about something in life because she can see that there is something bothering her.

How easy would it be if Bora could just tell her it’s Minji keeping her awake at night.

But, Bora has been in the business of lying about her feelings for her for eleven years so the lie comes out smoothly, “They’re looking to promote someone for senior graphic designer and I’ve been trying to think of ways they’d notice my work.”

Minji frowns.

She doesn’t buy the lie; Bora can tell.

Lucky—or unluckily—for her, Minji has been Bora’s best friend for a little longer than Bora has loved her so she lets out a soft sigh, tries asking again.

“You can tell me if you don’t want to talk about it; I won’t pry. But I can tell it’s not about work, Bboya. The way you feel around me. It’s not the same. Just, please, if I’m doing something that’s upsetting you, don’t be afraid to tell me. I never want to be the person that’s giving you a hard time. You don’t have to explain why, you don’t even have to say anything more. If I’m hurting you, tell me.” She wrings with her fingers anxiously, her frown deepening, as if disturbed, “And don’t make me an exception; I know how you can be, but, please don’t put yourself second to me if it’s making you unhappy.”

There’s something in Minji’s eyes that tugs at Bora’s heart, that makes her want to cry because Minji looks desperate, holding her heart in her hands and asking Bora if she’d find a way to make it feel better by reassuring her. 

They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. Minji’s are the window to her heart and Bora can feel how helpless Minji feels, the uncertainty and desperation to understand her. It’s like her heart folds upon itself, curling up and shriveling when Bora sees how small Minji feels, the brokenness that comes with self-doubt and aimless anxiousness that leads Minji deeper and deeper towards darkness and confusion.

And it makes sense because Minji has always understood her. She always read her with perfect accuracy, always knew how to be there for her. It makes sense why Minji’s disorientation is bothering her, like the foundation of their friendship is at stake. If Bora takes pride in being the person who understood Minji best, so did Minji for her.

Suddenly not being able to read her, Bora understands why Minji is nearly begging her for clarity.

There’s never a right time for Bora to confess her feelings.

But there is a time when it’s needed. Because it looks like this is what Minji needs to understand why Bora is acting cold with her, avoiding her, and hiding away from her affection and doting love.

Bora never imagined that it’d feel like this, be like this.

Maybe she would have confessed over a candle-lit dinner she made on her own, maybe in a letter she spent hours writing and killing trees along the way with her fifty million drafts, or she’d find some other romantic way to tell Minji that she has been in love with her since she was twenty.

But, it goes a lot like this.

Chapter Text

Lightheaded.

Bora feels like she’s going to pass out or collapse or have a heart attack (or all of the above…somehow.) She’s barely registering what she’s saying. She’s acutely aware that her knees are shaking so much that it feels like they’re fucking vibrating—good thing Minji sat her down for this conversation otherwise it’s possible that she’d be plastered on the floor, spilling out her emotions to the person she has been keeping them from for the last eleven years.

It’s like she’s neither there nor anywhere, like she’s floating in some weird space where she’s watching herself in the crossfires of confessing to Minji. Her heart feels like it is in her throat, pounding and violently thumping inside her—like her entire body is just pulsing.

She can’t look at Minji. Seeing anything but love in her eyes would probably feel like her life is ending or like the world is crashing around her, and it might as well feel like that anyway because it’s as if the floor underneath her is giving away and all Bora can focus on is the fact that Minji has bunny socks on her feet, a small hole where her pinky toe is.

Bora feels like she’s panting when she pushes out her words, forcing herself to be brave and strong because it’s what Minji deserves from her, “It’s not really your fault. If anything, it’s mine.”

The frown tugging Minji’s eyebrows closer deepens.

It’s like her tongue is tied, her heart tripping over itself in her chest, the butterflies with Minji’s name written on their wings eating through her stomach. “I- There’s-” Stumbling over her words, Bora hears herself floundering and panicking, the anxiousness making the coldness biting her blood turn into a freeze.

Bora feels frozen, stuck in her spot, her feelings all bubbled up in her chest with no idea on how to burst. After keeping it hidden for so long, so repressed and quiet, she doesn’t know what to do, what to say, how to act. Like a fish out of water, she feels like she’s suffocating, gasping for air, completely lost and-

“Bora, breathe.”

Minji’s hand is on hers, light and barely there.

Her hands are cold to the touch unlike Minji’s. Hers are warm and comforting, soft. (And slightly clammy. Bora feels herself naturally taking note of Minji’s nervousness, too. Something about it anchors her to the moment, takes her mind out of her inundated and overwhelming thoughts of anxiety and fear because focusing on Minji has always been so much easier than paying attention to herself.)

Minji’s voice is like a gentle promise—loving, so fucking loving. “No matter what it is, I won’t run away. I’m here for you. You can let it all go and I’ll be here to take care of you if you need me to.”

Bora feels herself gasping for air, like her lungs are no longer crushed in a harsh, steel grip, feels the chill of freedom running through her veins—tingling and hot.

It’s an addicting feeling so Bora chases after it, believes that even if Minji doesn’t feel the same way, she won’t let her crash and burn and leave her to piece together the shattered fragments of her life and love alone. Minji is her stability. She makes her strong, shows her how to be strong. Minji is as sure as the sun shining in the morning. 

Bora doesn’t feel strong. Hell, she doesn’t even feel like she’s brave. 

But, Minji makes her want to try.

Minji’s fingers lace together with hers when Bora initiates it with a clumsy clutching of her finger. How many times have they held hands like this? Walking down the street, weaving through crowds, running along the banks of Han River, glued together at the stupid haunted hospital attraction Yoohyeon persuaded them to go to on Halloween.

And, now, when Bora tells Minji that she is in love with her.

“When I first met Yoohyeon, I had a crush on her for, like, a couple of months. It’s always like that when I meet new people. So, when I met you, I thought the crush I had on you would just…go away like all my other crushes did.” Chuckling at herself, the kind that says, “Ha! You thought,” Bora squeezes Minji’s hands in hers like it’ll be the last time Minji will let her hold her hand. “Except, it didn’t. It never went away. And, the next thing I knew, I loved you.”

As each word spills from her lips, it’s as if the weight she has been carrying throughout the years lightens up, like she can breathe and be the Bora that loves Minji with all her heart without needing to hold herself back. “I thought I’d stop loving you. Or, that I couldn’t love you more.” 

Minji is quiet next to her, maybe breathing a little harder but Bora can hardly take in everything her body is going through that she simply thinks she might be projecting the crazy way her heart beats onto Minji. Braving a glance at her, Bora feels her shoulders releasing their tension when Minji’s eyes still look kind and sweet. Absolutely shell-shocked, but Minji still looks at her like she’s someone special and Bora can’t bring herself to look away—not when Minji is holding her in her gaze like everything is okay.

Bora can’t help but to smile—talking about Minji and the things she loves about her feels like happiness sings from within her. 

“But, just yesterday, I fell in love with you even more. You were playing with Cherry and that look in your eyes and your big smile and the way you cherish her, it made me fall in love with you all over again. Even if it’s nothing new or it’s as simple as you making a goofy joke, I love you more and more and it’s like I learn what infinite feels like every time I’m with you.”

A heavy exhale leaves Minji, she squeezes the hand in hers like she needs to remember that this isn’t a dream.

Nearly rambling now, Bora continues, “I’ve loved you for eleven years now. And I don’t expect you to love me back or anything like that. I love you without conditions or expectations—I just love you and I’m content with loving you like this.” Shrugging, Bora idly caresses the back of Minji’s hand in hers, “But, sometimes, it’s hard to tell myself that your friendliness and flirting and touching means nothing.” She sighs out her next words, “I try not to get lost in my fantasies because it’s not fair to you, but…” 

Dragging her eyes away and looking at how Minji’s hands are still in hers and how she’s not running towards the hills and out of her life, Minji’s curious, yet, tender gaze finds her when she ducks her head to catch her attention.

Even in a moment where Bora feels like she’s free-falling into nothing, Minji is there to remind her that she will free-fall into arms that will catch her—hold her and keep her safe.

“I’m only human. I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you, but it has been extremely difficult trying to persuade myself that you’re just being you and I’m scared that if I’m close to you, I’m gonna find a way to fuck it up and I don’t want to mess things up with you.” Bora talks with such a passion that she feels her ears warming, cheeks pink, “You’re precious to me. I know you don’t need it or even asked for it, but I want to protect you from anything that could hurt you, especially if it’s me. I don’t want to lose you; I don’t want to know what life is like without you—I’m terrified, Ji. Absolutely fucking terrified.”

Being kept in Minji’s gaze is a powerful thing because Bora doesn’t feel as frightened, like she isn’t suffocating and struggling for air anymore. It’s like she can’t shut up about how she feels and she really needs to shut up because she could go on forever about Minji and- 

Oh.

Oh.

That’s…

Yes, that’s-

Minji’s lips are soft and pillowy, like the fucking clouds Bora gets lost in when she’s dreaming about Minji being hers.

Bora pinches herself and it stings but Minji’s lips are still on hers and Bora can feel her smile against her lips and Minji smells like lavender and vanilla and oat and she tastes like the Melona ice cream they shared before having the conversation of a fucking lifetime. And because Bora needs to make sure she’s not hallucinating or has gaslit herself so much that she’s imagining things, she kisses Minji again when she pulls away, stealing a breath, feeling a giggle brush against her lips before Minji’s are slanted against hers again.

Minji’s hand is cupping her cheek like she’s scared of breaking her, her other hand on her waist—so hot that Bora feels it through her shirt. It’s enough to tell Bora that, yes, this is real—Minji is kissing her and she likes it because she keeps kissing her. 

When Bora pulls away and rests her forehead against Minji’s, her mind is still processing the last few minutes, the taste of Minji’s lips, the way she smiles at her.

Bora flounders, baffled, “You- Wh- Huh?”

Minji’s laugh is bright and light, a sound so freeing and euphoric that Bora can’t help but to echo her, their laughs intertwining the way their hands do when Minji collects herself. Saying it like it’s a revelation, Minji professes the words Bora only ever dreamt of hearing, “I love you! The me that I am when I’m around you, Bora, is the me that has loved you since you fell asleep on my shoulder at that stupid frat party.”

Bora’s pretty sure that if it were possible, her jaw would be on the floor, “What?!”

The grin Minji wears shapes her eyes in sweet and charming crescents, “I’ve dreamt of this happening to us! I love you, too, Bboya. So much.” Her arms spread out to their full wingspan, stretched out to her very fingertips, “Like, this much!”

When Bora giggles, she’s not even embarrassed about how whipped she sounds because, goddamn it, she is that whipped! And then she falls into Minji’s open arms because it’s practically an invitation that’s waiting for her to accept. The embrace Minji wraps her in makes her feel like she has finally found the key to her home, like she found a forever home in Minji.

Minji lets out a happy exhale, like she, too, feels as free and light as she does.

“You know it was love at first sight for me?”

When Bora looks up, Minji has this far-away look in her eyes, as if reliving the moment her life found a Kim Bora to love with her whole heart.

Frowning, Bora tilts her head in confusion, “I thought you didn’t believe in that?”

Minji laughs, sheepish, “I thought that if I told you I believed in it, you’d figure out that I believed in it because of you! Especially since I was always so forward about my affection and feelings with you!”

Bora’s lips fall open in disbelief, ‘How could I have known?! I thought you were flirting with me in a friendly way!”

Shaking her head with embarrassment, Minji’s smile is as bright as the sun, reminds Bora that the sun has a favorite child and it’s the woman holding her in her arms. “I mean, I was! But if you wanted it to be more, I meant it that way, too!” She shrugs with a lightheartedness that comes with finally being free of her own restraints, “I don’t know! I just- I thought that if anyone could figure out how I felt, it would’ve been you!”

Minji positively radiates waves of elation—it reminds her that Minji is someone worth being sad over because Bora would take a thousand days of sadness if it meant sharing a moment of happiness with her to keep it in her heart for forever.

~

Before they go to bed, Minji is securely held in her arms because she asked to be the little spoon. It doesn’t really matter what spoon Bora is as long as she’s Minji’s so she doesn’t mind holding her—if anything, she loves it just as much as she loves being held by her.

While thinking about how the hell she got the girl, managed to finesse her love life so fucking spectacularly, and how the universe allowed her to have the biggest “W” of her life, Bora feels Minji gently tapping her arm for attention.

“Yes, Minji?”

Bora can practically hear her grin in her voice.

“S.E.S. was right, Bboya. Dreams do come true!”

Minji giggles to herself, Bora’s eyes see the back of her skull.

Minji’s voice, while strained, still dances with a special kind of joy, “Bora…too tight…you’re holding me too tight!” 

(Right before Bora feels her eyelids heavily sitting, the last thing she hears is Minji telling her that she loves her, thinks about how Minji is her person and how she’s hers.)

Bora wakes up with Minji still in her arms.

She’s happier than she was yesterday, more in love with her soulmate than she ever was.

And, even better, Minji loves her too.