Chapter Text
When I was in Junior Year at Riverside High my parents got divorced. My father had been cheating on my mother a lot ever since I can remember, I thought that after they got divorced he would have flings and a few girlfriends, but nothing he would ever make an actual commitment to, because in my eyes my father was a cruel, selfish man who would never be able to love anyone else but himself. But I was wrong. At the end of my senior year, I had gotten a cheer scholarship, and at the last cheer competition my father came, and he brought his new girlfriend. Before we went on stage he pulled me aside and told me that he had proposed to his girlfriend and that she was pregnant (which was probably why he proposed). And when we were on stage, when I was right about to be tossed in the air, I looked into the crowd and found her holding his hand and giving me a thumbs up. To this day I don't know why that made me forget what I was doing, I didn't feel anything about her, but I stopped. I did a wrong move and broke my right leg. Apparently, it was the girl who was supposed to catch me's fault too, but that's not relevant. I lost my scholarship.
And that's why I'm sitting on a park bench at Greendale Community College, digging through my backpack for sunglasses because the sun is shining in my eye and I could not be any more annoyed.
Dean Craig Pelton stood at the front of the school with a microphone and a deck of cards. "Good morning. Many of you are halfway through your first week here at Greendale," Yeah, and I still don't have any friends. "And as your dean, I thought I would share a few thoughts of wisdom and inspiration. What is a community college? Well, you've heard all kinds of things. You've heard it loser college for remedial teens," Ouch. "20-something dropouts, middle-aged divorcees, and old people keeping their minds active as they circle the drain of eternity. That's what you've heard. However, I wish you luck!" What the fuck. He checks his cards. "Okay, you know--Uh-oh. There's more to this speech. There's actually a middle part that is missing." I hope so. "Can we all look around our immediate areas?" Fuck no, I don't want to help.
I realize that I must have left my sunglasses in my dorm room. Just my luck. I watched as the guy with the fake bedhead and the dorky guy that lives in the dorm next door to me stared at the blonde girl sitting right next to me. Her name is Britta, I've talked to her a few times, she seems nice and very liberal, so I guess we'll have nothing to argue about.
~~~
I was waiting in line in the cafeteria and watched as Pierce Hawthorne messed up a hotdog and stuffed it into the bread bin when my neighbor tapped on my shoulder.
I turned to face him. "Hi, my name's Abed Nadir, I'm in your Spanish 101 class," he said quickly.
"Hi Abed, I'm Belle Diaz. And I think we share a wall." I shake his hand.
"Yeah, you're the girl that watches sitcoms with canned laughter and calls her mom frequently." Okay, a bit invasive. "Are you upset? You're making a face."
"No, I'm not upset, but does that mean you don't like my sitcoms?" I smile at the boy.
"I don't have a problem with Friends, it's a good show, but that's not what I came to talk to you about. Britta Perry from Spanish invited me to Jeff Winger's Spanish study group. Do you want to come?"
"Hey, Abed?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I tell you a secret?"
He pauses. "Sure."
"I'm fluent in Spanish, I'm taking it as an easy credit," I smirk at him.
"I know."
"You know?"
"Yeah, you finished Senor Chang's pop quiz really fast." Crazy Chang, I mean, who gives their students a pop quiz not even one week into school? I know the majority of them failed. "But you've looked lonely, your only interaction is with your mom, we have the majority of our classes together but I don't see you talk to anyone unless you have to, and you told your sister Gaby that you don't have any friends yet. I thought that this might be an opportunity for us to meet new people." Is he stalking me? I just gaped at him. "Have I upset you now?"
"No," I say slowly. "But you are creepingly vigilant. I would have adored you in high school, I was spying on my boyfriend for a while, I thought he was cheating on me with my friend but I didn't know for sure. He was."
He whispered to himself. "People are being extra nice to me today."
"Hmm?"
"Nothing." He blinked at me. "Study group?"
"Why not." I smile at him, and he smiles back. I guess I made one friend.
~~~
I have finished all my classes, and now I am walking to Jeff Winger's Study Group.
"Hey." I jumped.
"Shit! Oh, hi Abed. You scared me."
"Sorry, when I'm not in character I tend to move quietly." In character?
"What does that mean, Abed?"
"You'll find out soon enough. Wanna walk with me?"
"Okay, I wanted a little company anyway."
He gives me his hand. "Rachel."
"My name is not Rachel."
"I know, but in this scenario you're Rachel and I'm Ross. Because you were a popular cheerleader in high school who loves fashion and always looks nice, and I'm a nerdy outcast." Never in my life have I heard a man talk about himself that way, I also have never heard someone talk like we're tv show characters. "I'll try again." He puts his hand at his side, then re-offers it to me. "Rachel."
I take his hand. "Ross." I smile. This is literally going to be the best experience of my life. It can't get better than this. This is too funny. I take his warm hand, and he takes my cold one and we walk to the study room and he doesn't complain.
When we get to the study room Britta Perry and Jeffrey Winger are already sitting down at the table.
Britta sees Abed and shouts. "Abed! In the house! Whoo!"
He lifts our hands. "Whoo!"
Jeffery starts in. "Whoo. Why?"
Abed answers. Britta invited me and I invited Belle. Is that cool?"
"I can't think of a single logical reason why not."
Abed and I pull up chairs in between the two. "Cool," Abed says.
"There you go," Jeff says clearly uncomfortable. He hands me and Abed a yellow paper. "Oh-hey, put your info down right there."
Abed writes his information down. "Cool, cool, cool. Cool, cool, cool." Is that going to be a catchphrase? He hands me the paper and I write down my info. "Hey, this is kind of like the Breakfast Club, huh?"
Britta points both hands at him. "We are in a library."
I try to jump into the conversation. "Well, of course, I don't even think detention is a thing at this school." I joke, Britta laughs. Nice.
"I'm sure we've each got an issue balled up inside of us that would make us cry if we talked about it." We sure do.
Britta leans in, concerned."Do you have something balled up inside you?" Yes.
"I get a little doozy in the chamber if things get emotional," Abed replies. Is that a reference to something?
Jeff puts his phone on the table and Abed gets a text message. "Oh. Hey, text message. Let's give this bad boy a read."
Jeff tries to stop him. "Uh-er, it's probably--It's just for your eyes." The text is obviously from him.
"Say you have to pee. I need to talk to you." Oh, we're intruding, aren't we? I should have come. I want to sink back into my seat, we're obviously not welcome here. "'Say you have to pee.'" He shows the message to Britta.
"That is weird." She says.
Abed looks at me. "What do you think Belle?"
"Very creepy, maybe we should text back and see if they have the wrong number," I say.
"No, let's not do that." Jeff intercepts.
"What does it mean though?" He looks at us.
Jeff asks. "Do you have to pee?"
"No, that's so weird." He says, obviously not understanding what's happening.
Jeff hums. "Well, I'm stumped. That's very creepy." Jeff's phone chimes.
"That makes two of us." Abed remarks.
"What's that?" Britta asks.
"Does it say you have to pee?" Abed askes.
I look over Jeff's shoulder. "No, it's just someone with a misguided grasp of abbreviation." He says, getting up from his chair. "I just need five minutes, you guys. So go ahead and study all the verbs in Spanish." He leaves the room.
"Spanish," Abed whispers.
And from then on Britta tries to start a conversation about how girly girls aren't real feminists (which is bullshit and I know she's only bringing it up because I tried to look nice this morning). And Abed changed the subject to a deep analysis of Ross and Rachel's relationship, which I am very grateful for.
~~~
When Jeff came storming into the room Abed had taken the chair next to Britta and I had taken the chair in between Annie Edison and Jeff's chair. "You guys aren't going to believe this but the rest of the group--" But everyone's already seated? "Is already here." All except Britta.
Pierce Hawthorne starts to speak. "Are you the board-certified tutor?" I hate him, on the first day of school I tried asking him for directions but wasn't even listening to me and was just staring down my shirt.
Troy Barnes, my friend from Riverside and one of the only familiar faces asks, "That means you do my homework, right, Seacrest?" He does have his faults, but he's right, Jeff does look like Seacrest.
The middle-aged woman with the nice cardigan sitting next to Annie starts talking. "I need to call my babysitter if we're gonna be later than 10."
"What board certifies a tutor?" Annie Adderall asks, crossing her arms and sticking her nose in the air.
"Where's Britta?" Jeff askes.
"I don't know for sure, but she left a little bit ago," I replied.
"But I invited more people from Spanish class. Is that cool?"
"It's the coolest." Jeff is obviously upset, and gives Abed a thumbs up, which he returns. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom." Was he just trying to get with Britta? He was! "And bring my jacket, wallet, and keys with me in case there's a fire." Oh shit, he's leaving. Guess I can teach them Spanish.
"Should we go with him?" Shirley asks.
"I'm gonna leave my homework with Slumdog Millionaire," Troy said. My word.
"That's borderline racist." Shirley scolded.
~~~
Jeff Winger just stood there. And we all watched him. "All right. Look at this crew. All ready to study all night." He said with forced enthusiasm.
"I can stay at least till 10." Shirley reminded him.
"But who studies with strangers, right?" We do. "My name is Jeff."
Pierce hits the table and stands up. "Jeff, it's a pleasure. My name is Pierce Hawthorne." He reaches across the table to shake his hand. "And, yes, that is Hawthorne as in Hawthorne Wipes," But he doesn't let Jeff shake it. "The award-winning moist towelette."
"I was just gonna ask," Jeff responded. Ha!
Pierce continued. "I'm a toastmaster, perhaps I should do the introductions."
"Definitely." Jeff agreed.
Pierce started. "You already know Brittles." Gross.
Britta interrupted him. "Britta." He ignored her.
"Abed. Abed the Arab." Even grosser. He laughed. "Is that inappropriate."
"Yes, it is," I said.
"Sure," Abed replied to Pierce, agreeing with me.
"Roy, Roy, the wonder boy." Haha!
"Troy," Troy says.
"Little princess Elizabeth."
"Annie." She states.
"Very remarkable Ella."
"Belle," I say, very done with his bullshit.
"And finally, this beautiful creature is named Shirley." Oh no.
"Is that even close?" Jeff asks.
"I'd like to know why I had to find out about this group by accident?" Annie asks.
"Oh, this is getting way more like Breakfast Club now." Abed remarks.
"There's breakfast?" Pierce asks, confused.
"Okay! Maybe we should get started--"
Jeff rudely interrupts her. "I've been a part of a lot of study groups that fell apart because of unresolved tension. Shouldn't we address Annie's concern? Did we not invite her?" Annie smiled. Oh, he's good.
Shirley speaks, "Well, Annie, sweetie, it's not behind your back--"
Annie loudly interrupts her. "Can we stop with the 'pumpkins' and the 'sweeties'? Being younger does not make me inferior. If anything, your age indicates that you've made bad life decisions."
"Shirley has a response!" Jeff points at her.
"No, no, no. I don't." Shirley says, trying to contain herself.
"You know there I was thinking you had a point, but then you had to go and be a bitch about Shirley's age, and she doesn't even look old!" I say. Annie gasps at me.
"But Belle does!" Jeff says, pointing his finger at me.
"No, no, I'm done now. But I think that Shirley should get a chance to defend herself." I say looking at Shirley.
"I have nothing to say," Shirley says.
"It looks like you do," Troy says.
"Shirley, go ahead." Jeff pushes her on.
"Okay, okay. Umm, I'm sure I've made some bad life decisions. And maybe Annie's decisions will be better. But I think she needs to decide whether she wants to be considered a child or an adult, because children get pity, but not respect, and adults get respect. They also get their head grabbed and pushed through jukeboxes."
"Ooh." We all say.
"Okay. Why don't we try learning "jukebox" in Spanish?" Britta says trying to get us back on track.
Pierce reaches to touch the back of Shirley's curly hair. "What are you doing?" Shirley exclaims.
"Pierce," Jeff shouts. "Let's discuss this creepiness." He's gonna get it!
"Pardon you?" Pierce says.
"What are you doing?" Britta asks. Oh, geez, just let him!
"I'm certified." He assures her. He turns back to Pierce. "Are you unaware that Shirley finds your advances inappropriate?"
"What advances?" Pierce laughs.
"You have been sexually harassing me since the very first day of class," Shirley tells him.
"Sexually harassing? What? That makes no sense to me. Why would I harass someone who turns me on?" I'm gonna punch him in the face.
Troy hit the table. "Saying she turns you on is harassment, dude."
Pierce turns to Troy. "Hey. I am a prominent business leader and a highly sought-after dinner guest. And I will not take courting advice from some teenage boy."
Troy laughs. "This teenage boy is a quarterback and prom king."
"You're not prom king anymore Troy. This isn't Riverside High." Annie says.
"How'd you know I went there?"
She looks at him like he's an idiot (I would too). "Because you're still wearing your stupid letter jacket."
"Yeah but Belle was Cheer Captain and Prom Queen and you're not doggin' on her."
"She's not running around in her tiny cheer uniform!"
"Thank you, and I'm sorry," I whisper to her.
"Wait, were you that girl that got hooked on pills and dropped out? You're little Annie Adderall." He laughs.
"And you're just a stupid jock who lost his scholarship by dislocation both shoulders in a keg stand!" She retorted.
"Keg flip! They're very hard to pull off!"
"Don't talk to me."
"You don't know! I'm a legend!" Then everyone started arguing and I just sat back and observed.
Abed hit the table. "You know what I got for Christmas? It was a banner year at the Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me. He said, "Hey, smoke up, Johnny." No, Dad, what about you?!" I held my mouth shut so I wouldn't laugh. Is this what "in character" is? Abed winked at me, I guess that's a yes. "Well, that actually was from The Breakfast Club," Jeff says.
"Nobody puts Baby in the corner," Abed whispers.
Jeff's phone rings again. "Dirty Dancing." Abed smiles. "Hello? What's wrong with your voice?" He hangs up and puts his phone away. "Uh, I'll be right back. But while I'm gone, you guys need to hash his stuff out. No stone unturned. Go."
As soon as he left everyone started arguing again. I leaned over to Britta.
"Hey," I whispered. "If he's not gonna teach us any Spanish, I did a bit of Spanish in middle school and high school." Lie. I've known Spanish my whole life. "I think I could help you if you want it."
"Thanks, Belle, and by the way things are going, I'll probably need it." She gave me a soft smile and I returned it.
~~~
"All right, everybody. I wanna say something. Everybody sit down." Jeff yelled.
"Well, you don't have to yell," Shirley said, sitting down.
"You know what makes humans different from other animals?"
"Feet," Troy said.
"No, no. Come on, bears have feet." Pierce explains.
Jeff keeps going. "We're the only species on Earth that observes 'Shark Week'. Sharks don't even observe 'Shark Week', but we do. For the same reason, I can pick up this pencil, tell you its name is Steve and go like this." Jeff snaps the pencil in half.
"Oh." Abed groans.
"And part of you dies, just a little bit on the inside. Because people can connect with anything." He tosses the broken pencil at Abed. "We can sympathize with a pencil, we can forgive a shark, and we can give Ben Affleck an Academy Award for screenwriting." The group starts an overlapping noise of agreement. "People can find the good in just about anything but themselves. Look at me, It's clear to all of you that I am awesome. But I could never admit that. That would make me an ass. But what I can do is see what makes Annie awesome. She's driven. We need driven people, or the lights go out and the ice cream melts. And Belle, it's a gift to meet people like Belle. She's honest. Maybe brutally so, but we need the hard truth or we will never get the wake-up call we need to have a happy life. And Pierce, we need guys like Pierce. This guy has the wisdom to offer,"
"The Dalai Lama and I-"
"We should listen to him. We wouldn't regret it. And Shirley, Shirley has earned our respect. Not as a wife, not as a mother, but as a woman. And don't test her on that because that thing about the jukebox was way too specific to be improvised." True. "And Troy. Who cares if Troy thinks he's all that? Maybe he is. And Abed. Abed's a shaman. You ask him to pass the salt, he gives you a bowl of soup. Because you know what, soup is better. Abed is better. You are all better than you think you are. You are just designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself." Wow, inspiring.
"Soup?" Pierce asks.
"I want you to look to the person to your left." Everyone turns to their left. "Sorry, look at the person sitting next to you." I stay looking at Jeff.
"Look at her, okay," Shirley says.
"I want you to extend to that person the same compassion you extend to sharks, pencils, and Ben Affleck. I want you to say to that person, 'I forgive you."
"I forgive you." Everyone says.
"You little twerp," Pierce says.
"Pierce, I'd like you to say 'I forgive you," Jeff says, calling Pierce out.
"He didn't say it?" Shirley asks.
"I forgive you." Pierce emotionlessly mutters to Troy.
"You just stopped being a study group. You have become something unstoppable. I hereby pronounce you a community." Jeffs announced.
"Oh, that's nice. I like that." Shirley says.
"Very inspiring Jeffery Winger," I say giving him a thumbs up, which he returns. And Abed starts a round of applause.
"This isn't like Breakfast Club anymore. Now it's like Striped or Meatballs. Anything with Bill Murray, really." Abed says.
"I agree with Abed that tonight has been very special. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a dinner engagement with Britta. Britta?"
She smiles, "I lied." Wait for what? "Thanks for calming everyone down. But since you're not a Spanish tutor, just a lying creep who purposely upset everyone in an attempt to get with me, I'd appreciate it if you left and stopped wasting all of our time, so Belle can help us study because she at least knows the middle school and high school credits of Spanish. Everybody ready?" She smiles at me and starts flipping through her book.
"Fine, and I'm happy to report that one of the benefits of being a lying creep is having all the answers to tomorrow's test. And I'm happy to share them with anyone whose time I've wasted more than they've wasted mine." Not an inspirational, likable leading man, just another lying asshole.
"Jeff, if you have all the answers, why the hell did you start this study group." To get with Britta, Pierce.
"I don't have a study group. I made it up."
"What about the 'Look Left' speech?" Annie asked, obviously hurt. Don't cry Annie, he's just lying to you again.
"I made it up, that's what I do! I make things up. And I got paid a lot of money to do it. Before I came to this school-shaped toilet. I was a lawyer!" We all groan in disgust. Lawyer.
"You know, I thought you were like Bill Murray in any of his films. But you're more like Michael Douglas in any of his films." Abed says.
"Yeah? Well, you have Asperger's." Jeff says walking out of the room. How could he say something like that? Didn't his father teach him better? I grab my metal water bottle off the floor and run after him, when I catch up with him outside the study room door, I hit him in the balls with my bottle and he bends over. I ran back inside.
"What does that mean?" Abed says, a bit panicked. Britta gives me a high-five. True girl friends.
"Ha, ha. Ass burger." Troy laughs. How insensitive.
"It's a serious disorder," Annie speaks up.
"It really is," Shirley says.
"If it's so serious why don't they call it meningitis?" Pierce says and he and Troy laugh. "Ass burger."
"Burger for your ass."
~~~
We all walked out of Greendale. "Shouldn't you be studying?" Jeff asked Troy who sat down right next to him and Pierce on the steps.
"Yeah, things got kinda boring after you left."
"Not really, Belle just taught me a few verbs in the Spanish vocab sheet," Abed said, looking at me.
"Taught you?" Jeff asked.
"Yeah, taught me, Senor Chang doesn't really teach, you'd know that if you didn't spend class on your phone."
"Shouldn't you be bathing in test answers right now?" Britta asked, bitterly.
Abed and I sat on the steps next to Troy. Jeff dropped a stack of blank manilla papers on the concrete. "I don't have any of the answers. I'm gonna flunk the test."
"If you just, like, study for like an hour, it's not that hard. You seem pretty smart. You got a sports coat." Troy explains.
"Well, the funny thing about being smart is that you can get through most of life without ever having to do any work. So I'm not really sure how to do that."
Behind him Shirley, Annie, and Britta started a conversation with their facial expressions, pushing Britta to comfort him. Abed noticed what I was watching.
"What's going on? Can you hear me? Am I deaf?" Abed asked, ratting them out. "Can you hear me talking right now?" From which he got a series of yeses. "That's good."
"You know what Jeff, actually, we didn't get that far without you. So if you wanna come back upstairs-" Britta said.
Jeff Wingers looks back at her, shocked. "Really?"
"Well, it is your study group so-" Britta answered.
"Come on let's go study," Shirley said.
"Sounds good," Pierce says.
When everyone was inside and it was just Jeff, Abed, and I, Abed said, "I'm sorry for calling you Michael Douglas and I see your value now."
~~~
After we were done studying Abed and I walked back to our neighboring dorms.
"I was kinda right about it being like the Breakfast Club, right?" He said.
"Oh, I've never seen it."
He stopped me. "You're the first person that said that that I didn't immediately delete from my brain. But why?
"Well, when I was little I wanted to watch it, but as I got older I forgot about wanting to watch it and I just never got around to it."
He stared at me for a minute. "I have it on a CD if you wanna watch it right now."
"That would be nice." I smiled at him and he smiled back.
"Cool cool cool. Do you wanna get pajamas first because I don't think that skirt would be comfortable enough to watch a movie."
"Yeah, I'll go get them." And as I was unlocking my door I said, "Oh, and Abed?"
"Yes?"
"This afternoon when you said we were like Ross and Rachel, what did you mean by that?"
"I meant that at the end of the show we're gonna end up together. Bring extra popcorn." He walked inside his dorm and shut the door.
"Huh, he has a high self-esteem," I muttered to myself. Not that he doesn't deserve it.