Chapter Text
It shouldn’t be such a big deal, right?
Seokjin is twenty-eight years old at this point. He’s old enough to know when something is a big deal or not, especially something as simple (simple? Is it really that simple?) as this.
After all, if it wasn’t simple Seokjin would absolutely be panicking (Namjoon would disagree), frantic (his hands hadn’t stopped twitching all week), and anxious (the polite laughter at his jokes wasn’t pity laughter, shut up Taehyung ).
If it wasn’t simple, Seokjin would be spending nights staring at his ceiling, watching the clock tick-tick-tick away before finally giving up and leaving the comfort of his room to flit around his apartment, unable to settle in one place long enough to consider the cause of his insomnia.
(Spoiler alert: he was. )
If it wasn’t simple, Seokjin wouldn’t be able to tell Yoongi, the one good relationship he’s had since he left university, about the thoughts and dilemma and self-doubt and insecurity he had been plagued by for the last two weeks or so.
(And, of course, he hadn’t said a thing. )
Okay, maybe Seokjin had a problem.
He’s old enough to admit that he has a problem.
The only way to fix it at this point was to confront it at the source.
But how do you confront a possible relationship-ruiner when that relationship-ruiner is yourself?
Maybe, just maybe, Seokjin should start at the beginning.
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It had definitely been something at the back of Seokjin’s mind, regardless of his age, his relationships, his life really. No matter where in his life he was, there was just always something else to think about or focus on. Seokjin could very firmly remember all of his high school classmates, the beginning conversations about girls and dating and kissing and sex .
Sex! They were just boys. Why were they talking about sex? There were so many other things to worry about at the time. Like school and careers and college and Maplestory!
But at the same time, it had always snuck right by Seokjin because most of his classmates felt the same way. So it was fine. He’d think about it when he had the time to, when he wasn’t being yoinked around by all of his obligations to make a good life for himself. It just…fell to the wayside. Wasn’t a concern.
It wasn’t any different when he reached college. If anything, his cohort’s personal lives were barely mentioned as they all commiserated over difficult studies, cruel professors, and lack of sleep. Significant others were introduced slowly, but they faded away again into the background. School was more important. Why add one more thing to an already too-heavy plate that would just make life more complicated?
And starting his career, moving up through the hierarchy, settling into his new adult life and new coworkers and new friends, all just kept pushing it further and further into the recesses of his mind.
Until one day, he couldn't avoid it any longer.
To be fair, it wasn't Namjoon's fault. He's not blaming Namjoon for anything.
If anything, Seokjin actually owed a lot to Namjoon.
(But if you tell him that, he's going to get a big head, and we just can't have that).
From the beginning, Seokjin hasn't been a stranger to sex and the like. It's just what happens when you put a bunch of horny boys together; it's going to get discussed eventually amongst close friends. Hookups, relationship trouble, whatever it is, Seokjin does know about it. He just never felt like he was missing out on anything by not experiencing it himself. There were just more important things to focus on. And Seokjin didn't actually believe that his friends thought about this stuff all the time.
(Who could? It sounded exhausting .)
But Namjoon caught the furrowed brow that had planted itself discreetly on Seokjin's face, after another night out with some old university acquaintances. And Namjoon wasn't one to just let things amongst best friends slide.
So when faced with the probing “are you okay, hyung?” once everyone else had left for the evening, Seokjin could only sit for a few seconds before deciding that bluntness was the best way to go.
“Do you think something is wrong with me? That I never talk about sex or hookups in the same way that everyone else does?”
Namjoon froze at that, before sitting back on the couch and directing his full attention towards Seokjin, a pose that Seokjin was familiar with when Joon had a problem presented before him.
“What would possibly make you say that?”
Seokjin huffed a little, beginning to feel uncomfortable. “It’s not…it’s not normal right? Everyone always talks about how men always have one thing on their minds. And in a world that sexualizes literally everything, the fact that it’s the furthest thing from my mind is just… weird , right?”
Namjoon stared at Seokjin in silence, crossing his arms and settling in further for what was most likely going to be a deep insightful talk about feelings (ugh, Seokjin didn’t have the time right now, it wasn’t that deep). After a few moments of Seokjin squirming in discomfort, Namjoon simply spoke up and said, “You know, about 1% of the world’s population would agree with you in some capacity, hyung.”
Seokjin blinked. “What on earth are you talking about?”
And Namjoon, finally reading the room, began to get up and gather his things to head out himself. As he moved throughout Seokjin’s apartment, he continued his thoughts. “You’re not the only one who feels that way, is all I’m saying. You know I work with the LGBTQ+ groups on the university campus, right?”
Seokjin nodded.
“It’s not as weird of a thought as you may think it is. There’s this one term you might want to look into more. It’s called asexuality.”
And in a way that only Namjoon could, he patted Seokjin on the head and darted out the door to catch his bus, only leaving behind a hurried “call me if you have questions, hyung!”
Seokjin remained on his couch, frozen.
Which kind of leads us to where we are now.