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"If it's your last day on earth, make it count". That's what Bucky told you when you told him that you didn't know how much longer you can keep going. He didn't want you to go. He never wanted you to go. But he never wanted to see you suffer, either.
Ever since your diagnosis, your life has been a rollercoaster. They told you you have half a year. Maybe a little bit more. Incurable. When Bucky heared the news, he completely crumbled. You only got just got married after dating him for three years, and then the diagnosis came crushing down on the both of you. He stopped talking to you completely that day. He became distant, Ignoring your very presence. You couldn't stand him ignoring you, so you snapped at him. Instead of yelling at you back, he started sobbing, and gave you the most broken look you've ever seen. That's when you realised. He didn't ignore you because he didn't care. He ignored you because he thought it'll be easier than to watch you slowly fade away from him.
You both agreed that you'll try to make the best out of the situation. That you both will continue being together for as long as you can possibly be, until fate will make other plans for you. Bucky has been by your side all that time. He's held your hair whenever you vomited your guts into the toilet after a hard treatment, he's stayed up all night with you, holding you close to him as you shivered with cold sweat in his arms. He'd make you soup and feed it to you when you were too weak to even lift your hands to grab a spoon, wiping at your mouth whenever some spilled on your chin, reassuring you that it was alright. That he didn't mind. He'd shower you with compliments ten times a day, constantly reminding you how beautiful you were, in case you've forgotten. He kept insisting you're beautiful even at your sickest. Even when you lost all the weight you've had. Even when you had dark circles under your eyes. He'd think you were the most beautiful woman in the world. And you both just lived the moment and didn't think about what was coming.
Today was different. You could feel it in your bones as you woke up. Bucky was cuddled up to you, holding you in his arms. Keeping you safe.
You were tired. Much more so than the rest of the days. This one was different. Your limbs felt heavy, like they weighted a ton. You felt so terribly weak, you were barley able to croak some words out of your mouth. As you watched him open his eyes to look at you, you could tell he already noticed something was terribly off with you.
"I don't think I have much left, James" you whispered, calling him by his name to make it somewhat formal.
There was a long silence of him just looking into your eyes, taking it in. His gaze looked sad. You tried to ignore it. "If it's your last day, you're not staying in bed, you hear?" He said, getting up from the bed. "C'mon. We're going out." He pushed you a bit.
You rolled yourself off the bed, moaning in pain. Your joints hurt from movement. He quickly rushed to your side, supporting you with his arm. He helped you get your clothes on, cooing at you and telling you how wonderful you were. How good you're doing. "I think today is a chair day" you croaked. You could barley stand. You had bought a wheelchair that you had rarely used, only when the pain got really bad. But this one was one of these days. He nodded without a word, lifting you up effortlessly and sitting you down in the chair. He knew you were in pain. He didn't want to watch you hurt yourself.
At first, he took you out for breakfast. He ordered pancakes with cream and strawberries. It was what you had ordered on your first date there. You couldn't help but smile at the gesture. You didn't really have an appetite, but you shoved a strawberry into your mouth anyways, watching him smile in return. He was such a messy eater, so much so that he managed to have cream smeared all over his nose, which made you giggle.
When he noticed, you watched him turn deep red with embarrassment. It only made you giggle harder. He loved hearing you laugh. "You have a beautiful smile, you know" he said, before he wiped the cream off his nose.
He then took you to Coney island. You loved it there, and it has been a long while since you two had gone to the fair. You strolled along the rides. He knew he couldn't take you on the rollercoaster, but he couldn't help but ramble about how you puked on him on that time you both went. He got you a candied apple, a red one, just like you loved, and he won you a teddy at the stands. You couldn't stop smiling all day long.
The next stop was supposed to be lunch. But you've became tired. Your head was pounding. "I'm tired, love." You whispered to him. He kissed your cheek and caressed your hair "okay. Let's go home" he finally agreed, rolling you back home in the small wheelchair.
When you reached the house, he helped you change into your pyjamas, tucking you into the bed. You were so, so tired. He lay down next to you in bed, stroking your hair gently. "I love you, my little doll." He whispered.
You didn't know why, but that suddenly made you start crying. "Hey. Hey. None of that today. " he told you, wiping at your face with his thumb.
You looked up at him "I'm scared" you whispered.
"I'm here with you." He told you back, not letting you go. "I ain't going anywhere." He said again.
"I'm sorry" you sobbed out. You were sorry that you had to leave him. That you couldn't stay longer. "No, I'm sorry, love". He said. He was sorry that he couldn't save you. That he had to watch you fade away from him.
"I'm so tired" you whispered, your eyes closing.
"It's okay. You can sleep." He reassured you. He knew what was coming. He could feel it. His grip around you got tighter. His arms around you pulled you closer. He held onto you, watching you drift off to sleep. He watched your chest rising and falling with each laboured breath you took, until it suddenly stopped.
He knew.
A broken sob escaped his lips as he held you close "you're my beautiful angel now" he whispered, refusing to let you go.