Chapter Text
Sides : Ch. 1 Slow Dancing In The Dark
________________
Shenhe
It's been awhile since we talk to each other, I mean a "real talk" not some
"I'll call you later. "
"Good night"
"I'm sorry Ah-Shen, I'm busy right now "
etc etc..
"sorry"
That's being a cliche word that I hear over and over and honestly I start getting sick listening to those words.
It's not your fault really, maybe I was too childish to understand that you're somehow on your way of doing your thesis, faster than everyone including me because you're aiming to graduate early and get a scholarship to pursue your dream.
Shouldn't I be the understanding girlfriend,.. Ouch.. Girlfriend.. That sounds bitter now.. I.. I honestly didn't even know if I could see myself as your girlfriend..when was the last time we went out for a date, when was the last time you came into my dorm room or when was the last time you told me you love me.. I.. Just miss you but somehow I start losing myself.
You told me to meet you at the cafe after one month you've been busy with your school stuff. I was so happy that time, but next thing I know
"Shenhe, I'm sorry I forgot I've promised Xinyan I'll tutor her today. I'll make it up to you on the weekend, kay? Love you. "
Oh.
Again.
I just could reply with the same
"That's fine, weekend is also good. Send my greeting to Xinyan. I'll go to Ganyu-jie place later. "
Honestly, that "love you" keeps me from being mad and I just melt.. Thinking that "it's fine" at least she still remembers me.
I let out a sigh and looked down on my table and suddenly I saw a slice of red velvet cake being served in front of me. I look up and see someone cheekily smiled at me
"You look sad, it doesn't suit your pretty face. "
She rubs her neck
"It's on me and uhh you know the café quite package this hour, may I sit here? "
I laugh at her silliness.
"Yeah, you can sit here. "
And that's when my sweet temptation comes.
It's her, Yelan. We talked that day and she was a very talkative person. I learned that we both went to the same university but I've never met her. It turned out she is a dance major kid and she is one year older than me. We ended up exchanging phone numbers as well.
Yelan, she teach me things that Yun Jin never done to me, one day she brought me to skate park to watch her playing with her friends or some other days she also take me out to watch her playing baseball and bickering with her friends, we also went to eat with her friends, Yanfei also Ningguang. I made a friend with them and I'm glad they're really welcoming me to their clique, they're fun people.
I'm happy, I'm happy like this. I spend more and more time with her than I should.
Yun Jin continues to be busy and sadly I'm getting used to that. I don't even think I'm looking forward to Yun Jin's text or call anymore.. I'm happy if she calls or text me but if not then I'm okay.. Or I guess I am.. I used to get jealous whenever she spend more time with Xinyan instead of me, but Xinyan has been her favorite classmates since they were in high school, be it on our choir club or in our major so I just try to lessen my jealousy, Yun Jin gonna calm me letter and we ended up bickering but i always melt
...it was Yun Jin, it has always been her who can make me feel things and it was her.
Did I just say "was"?
I know something wasn't right, I just simply felt numb or didn't care at all when she didn't text me or she was with Xinyan...
I'm...
I hate to admit it...
But...
I need her and I want to be there for her too when things get rough on her, but.. I don't want to sound like I'm a nosy girlfriend and I know she wasn't the type who would share too much stuff unless she was already mad.. But when I found out I was one step behind Xinyan.. She was there for her.. She was there when Yun Jin needed someone.. I start to wonder what I am...
However...
After I think about it..
This...
I was probably trying to give a justification for my act, because somehow.. I feel like I'm getting more attached to Yelan than I should be. All the laughs that we shared, all the time she holds my hand whenever we're together or all the cafe dates and supper we had with her friends is making me question myself as well..
Did I cheat behind Yun Jin like this? Am I starting to become unfaithful?
Somehow... I haven't told Yelan as well that I already dated someone...
I may sound selfish...
But..
I won't let all this attention that I got from her fade..
It didn't go unnoticed by my friends, Hu Tao start to eye me suspiciously but I told her to mind her own business and stop scaring Dr. Baizhu's daughter, Beidou seems more direct with me even she didn't mention Yelan's name,
"Look Shenhe, as much as I like you to suffer like when we tease you for having an affair with any random kids in class then you have a cold war with Yun Jin for a week before, I don't want anybody to get hurt again this time. "
………
I went to Ganyu-jie room one night.
"A-Shen, I don't want to sound snobby but please think carefully again. "
I haven't said anything but I guess she knows what things that had been on my head all along. I ended up sleeping over there and all I knew in the morning was two good morning texts. One from Yun Jin and one from Yelan.
Things that I can't compete with Xinyan also start flooding my head... I don't know if it was right to think like that when I actually have the upper hand.. I'm still Yun Jin's girlfriend even though we barely talk or go on dates...
I miss all the old days when I'd bother her with any question I had in mind, in her room and she tried to study while we ended up bickering and later we just cuddled till morning came. I miss her ...
and i start to wonder if Yelan was a rebound.. I don't want to make her like that, she didn't deserve that.
I don't want to start comparing Yun Jin and Yelan but I start doing that like, Yun Jin never hold my hand, we are that awkward girlfriend. We never really do any skinship.. She only does it behind the closed door of my room or her room, she would hug me and tell me how she loves me.
But...
Yelan, she was like the exact opposite of Yun Jin. She is talkative and she is attentive as well. She showers me with cares and things that I'm seeking from Yun Jin..
……
and one night..
When she took me out to the park she kissed out of nowhere. I was shocked and didn't do anything. I was just too stunned. My mind was blank at that time.
"I like you, I like you Shenhe. "
And I know I should've listened to Beidou
for once.