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Sometimes, the line between life and death is a fine one. Most of the time, it's simply existence.
Existence isn't enough most of the time, existing with no light in your life isn't exciting enough, and existence isn't everything.
Existing can be lonely, and no one can stand it. No one wants to be lonely, but it isn't an option. You don't have many options; you're forced to make a choice. And if the decision states that you will be lonely, you must accept it regardless of how much you despise it.
While the decision is not ours to make, there is still much we can do to influence it; no decision is final. After all, nothing lasts forever.
Additionally, there are instances when you simply need to see the light because it may be calling your name or staring you in the face, pleading for your attention. It is up to you to decide whether you want to live a life of loneliness forever or experience the joy that so many people praise. the experience of being with someone who gives you hope and cherishes you.
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Yeonjun lived an empty life; he ate, slept, worked, and the cycle repeated itself. It was a hassle when he first moved into his new apartment; all of the moving and settling sapped his energy. And if that wasn't bad enough, his next-door neighbour seemed way too loud, which Yeonjun wasn't used to.
He disliked loud because it made him feel mocked, as if his neighbour was saying, "Look at me, look at my life better than yours, happier than yours." But it wasn't true; he wasn't saying any of the above, and Yeonjun knew it, but his nonsensical brain didn't. He could never know what loud was like.
That's why he wonders how he ends up in the same room, same bed, with the source of his disturbance wrapped around his waist, pinning him down, hovering over him. He wonders how the source of his disturbance can provide him with such calm and peace. How? All he knows is that a minor disruption in his life was all that was required to bring him true peace.
Everything about Beomgyu is peaceful, even when he whines beneath him, whimpers whenever Yeonjun touches him, moans when he bites his neck; it's all so loud that it echoes inside his head little by little. However, the voices and sounds do not bother him. They are extremely loud, but the loudness persists.
Yeonjun has a habit of getting lost in his own thoughts, but this is impossible with Beomgyu. His presence is demanding, always requesting Yeonjun's presence, always ordering him to focus solely on him. He recalls all the times Beomgyu had demanded his attention before they met; he recalls the loud music, the loud chatter, the loud singing, all of them bothering him, all of them demanding his attention, making him think of nothing else but the loud, only Beomgyu.
"Hey, hey, hey Yeonjun, look at me, hey . Just pay attention to it closely, count them, and hear," he said caressing his cheeks lightly, picking Yeonjun's hand and placing it on his heart.
And Yeonjun would hear his words, tell him stories, telling him I love you's, and bring him back. Yeonjun always wanders off to nowhere, a black space, he wanders off to hell and Beomgyu brings him back, he always brings him back from hell. He keeps Yeonjun sane.
Even now, Beomgyu gives him everything and takes him so well. Every curve of his body, every cry that escapes his mouth, he marvels at how beautiful they are. He adores the way Beomgyu's hands crawl up his shoulders, his hands all over his body, sharp nails digging into the flesh and instead of causing pain, it only allows him to live in the present. Yeonjun can't stop himself from kissing him, kissing him until he can't breathe anymore, and Beomgyu kisses Yeonjun as if he's made of wax, kisses him carefully and softly, and all he can think is that he loves it, he loves the way Beomgyu loves him, he didn't know how one knock on his neighbor's door could change everything.
It was the middle of the night, and Yeonjun had had another day of hard work, another day of living his same life, with the only difference being the noise. His neighbour was never quiet, and the music could always be heard through the thin walls. And Yeonjun despised it, so that day when he marched towards the door, angrily ringing the bell, bracing himself for a confrontation.
When the door opened, he felt something rush through him, something he could feel in his bones, and he wondered what it was once more. He was there to confront the neighbour, but he found himself saying yes to everything his neighbour asked him.
"Hey, are you my new neighbour?" "We should totally hangout."
"You know what we should do right now, come on in, my friends just left, and I still have a lot of food left, maybe we can drink, do you want a drink? Great"
One thing led to another. Yeonjun had told Beomgyu everything, and he wasn't even drunk, he just wanted to tell him everything.
One thing led to another, and Beomgyu kissed him.
One thing led to another, and Yeonjun found himself finding peace in his kiss.
One thing led to another. Beomgyu had beckoned Yeonjun to sleep with him.
One thing led to another. Yeonjun agreed to sleep with Beomgyu.
One thing led to another. He found himself sound asleep basking in Beomgyu who warmed himself up against Yeonjun.
One thing led to another. Yeonjun found Beomgyu cradling him the next morning, he hadn't left and neither had Yeonjun.
One thing led to another, and Yeonjun had found his own happiness.
It was never easy to confide, but Beomgyu made it so simple. Some would advise Yeonjun to take it slowly, but he can't. He just can't. After all these years, he's finally found someone he can love and someone who can love him, and he's not going to back down.
He feels complete right now, with Beomgyu sleeping next to him, his head tucked into Yeonjun's chest. I'm perfectly fine and sane.
He feels loved every day when he returns from work with a smile on his face, and every morning when he leaves for work with a kiss on his lips.
He feels happy every night when he eats with Beomgyu, and every morning when he wakes up with Beomgyu.
Sometimes, the line between life and death is a fine one, most of the time it's simply looking for someone who makes existing worth it.