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1. Josefina
Carlos and his closest sister Josefina share each other’s secrets. They’ve been each other’s secret keepers since as long as Carlos could talk, but Carlos isn’t sure if he should share this latest secret. He wants to. He really, really wants to, but he’s worried about upsetting the delicate balance that exists within their family.
It’s been a month since he accepted that he definitely likes boys and not girls. It’s been longer since he had the feelings, but self acceptance isn’t something that’s always come easy for him; less so when it goes against everything he’s heard for his whole life. Now that he’s accepted that what he feels isn’t wrong and it’s just who he is, he really wants someone to share it with. Fina is the obvious first choice, but she’s also a bit of a wild card. He’s sure that she’ll keep his secret. He is not sure that it won’t change things between them.
Carlos sits astride his horse at the side of the training ring. He’s watching his Dad, tío Bruno and their newest ranch hand, Reno, train a fiery colt they just brought to the ranch. From where he sits he can see Fina balanced on the fence across the arena staring unabashedly at their very good-looking ranch hand. He follows Fina's line of sight just in time to catch the ripple of muscles in Reno’s back as he adjusts his grip on his reins and shifts in his saddle. Carlos snaps his gaze away from the sight, because as much as he really wants to keep watching, he can't afford to get caught.
Instead Carlos makes sure to keep his gaze focused on his tío as he leads the horse. When he dares to look back across the ring towards Reno, he catches Fina staring at him, eyebrows pulled up with a curious expression on her face. Carlos ignores it in favor of turning his attention back to the training session. He’s never had much interest in taking over work on the ranch full-time, but he likes being involved with the family business. He likes even more the proud smile on his father’s face anytime he shows interest and the pleased hum his mother always gives when he comes in from a long day helping around the ranch.
Despite his enjoyment of watching the training session, Carlos is grateful when it ends and he is able to sneak away for a short ride to his favorite hiding spot by the pond. His solitude doesn't last as long as he would have like. Josefina finding him after the short time it likely took her to saddle her own horse. She ties her horse up next to Carlos’ and sinks to the soft grass beside him. The air is sticky with the Texas heat of mid-summer, but it’s late enough that the breeze blowing makes it comfortable for the siblings raised in this weather.
The soft bump of a shoulder into Carlos’, following it up with a playful flick to his ear catch his attention.
“What’s on your mind hermano?”
He hums quietly, looking out over the shimmering water that ripples lightly with wild movements of fish, frogs, and turtles contained within. “Do you think they’ll break the new Colt by the time they have to round up the cattle next month?”
Fina’s laugh, light and teasing, floats along the breeze, “we both know you weren’t thinking about the round-up. You hate being forced to go every year and would much rather stay home with Mami cooking.”
“Yeah it’s called AC during the late summer heat and chilaquiles for breakfast without having to fight for how much I want to eat.”
“Oh pssh, Mama makes enough for everyone and you spend more time out in this heat than anyone else.” Fina pauses and Carlos can feel the heat of her gaze assessing him. He shrugs in response, but doesn’t say anything else.
Fina nudges his shoulder again and he glances over in time to see her wiggle her eyebrows suggestively, “Oooh I know, you just want to be home when Lola from next door comes over to bring Mama her family’s fresh vegetables in exchange for ours.”
“Ugh, no Fina, not you too, trying to set me up with a girl.” Carlos groans and then realizes his mistake in wording, but he hopes his sister will let it pass.
Of course she doesn’t.
“What’s so bad about girls Carlos?” She teases, but the way she says it, like she already knows, makes Carlos brave, or maybe he’s just sick of hiding from everyone.
“Nothing’s wrong with girls. I just don’t like them. At least not the way I like boys.”
A part of him wishes he could pull the words back in, but another part feels a weight lift off his shoulders even as the words hang in the air ready to crush him depending on Fina’s response.
“So maybe you were thinking about the round-up, maybe getting to ride next to a certain very cute ranch hand?”
There is no hesitation in her words, no sense that she is disgusted by what she is implying, and it takes Carlos by surprise. He blushes, because yes he had been thinking about that very thing while he watched Reno work today.
“Shut up Fina.” The words are weak, he doesn’t really mind her teasing after all and she knows it, because they don’t deter her in the slightest.
“Hey I don’t blame you, that boy has muscles, it should be illegal how good he looks astride a horse.”
Carlos feels the heat move up to his ears, “you really don’t care that I like boys?” His voice comes out quiet and shy, so unlike how he normally is with Fina.
He feels an arm wrap around his shoulder, and he’s pulled into his sister’s side. “Hermanito, of course I don’t care. Besides, I've known for a while. I was just waiting for you to tell me.” She reaches up to ruffle his messy curls playfully, “I’m a little hurt it took you this long.”
Shock is the only emotion Carlos thinks he feels in that moment.
“Wait, what do you mean you’ve known for a while?”
Fina shrugs, “I see you Carlos. I see the way you admire a cute boy, and how you never look twice at any of the girls Mama or our tías tease you about.” Fina pauses, and when she starts talking again her voice is soft, losing any playful edge, becoming serious in a way she rarely is, “I also see the way you try to hide it. How you fold in on yourself whenever Mama bugs you about finding a cute girl to date. How uncomfortable you were dancing with Lola at the end of the summer BBQ last year.”
Carlos looks at her sharply, suddenly worried that she’s not the only one that sees and that no one has said anything because they’re ashamed of him or hope it’s just a phase. He’s heard the way some of the older members of their family talk when it’s on the news and especially when Coahuila passed the Pacto Civil de Solidaridad earlier this year.
“Don’t look so worried Carlos, everyone else just thinks you are shy and embarrassed by all the attention. No one else sees you the way I do.”
The thought is both comforting and aggravating. He loves that Fina and him are so close and he’s glad to have someone in his family that really sees him, but he also feels like sometimes no one else cares enough to look. Maybe they only see in him what they want to see.
“Thank you for telling me.” Fina interrupts his thoughts. “I know it wasn’t easy for you.”
Then Carlos is being pulled into a full hug. His sister’s arms wrapping around his shoulders as she squeezes tightly. He sinks into the embrace, wrapping his arms around Fina’s waist and squeezing back. Feeling accepted for who he is for the first time in a long time. The moment lasts for several minutes, before Fina pulls away and discreetly wipes at wet cheeks.
“Oh shut up,” she exclaims as he smiles brightly at her.
The rest of that summer is the best time he can ever remember having. Fina teases him about staring at cute ranch hands and gossips with him about boys at school. She pulls the attention away from him anytime their mother or tías bother him about asking a girl to the summer BBQ. She even manages to help him avoid dancing with any girls he’s not related to at said BBQ that summer. The joy at finally having a confidant to share all these things with doesn’t fade and it helps him grow even more content with who he is and who he wants to be.
2. Luciana
He wasn’t ready for this. That’s why he’s been careful. All school year he kept his head down, answered his mother’s questions blandly about any girls he might like, and very occasionally allowed himself to admire cute boys from afar. He’d told himself that this summer was going to be different though. He wants to feel more comfortable in his own skin. He doesn’t want to hide a part of himself anymore, but that doesn’t mean he was ready.
“¡Hola Carlitos!”
Carlos turns from where he was shoveling hay into the horses stalls to look towards the barn door. His sister Josefina is walking towards him with a mischievous look on her face, which he chooses to ignore as he goes back to finishing the stall he was working on.
“Hola Fina.”
Fina comes to stand in front of the stall wiggling her eyebrows at him when he turns and looks at her, “tu novio is here.”
“Fina!” Carlos scolds her, looking around the barn to make sure no one else is within earshot.
“Oh, don’t worry Carlos, there is no one here. I wouldn’t out you like that.”
Carlos ignores her for a minute, carefully putting his supplies away in their correct places. “He’s not my boyfriend Fina and can you please stop casually announcing to anyone within earshot that I like boys.” His voice is a little shaky as he comes down from the fear that someone would overhear his sister’s words.
“Perdóname.” Fina offers softly. “I promise I won’t out you, but for the thousandth time no one in our family is going to judge you. We all love you for who you are.”
“No one else knows who I am, not really anyway,” he laments, “and you heard what they were ranting about at Tía Lucy’s last Sunday.”
“You mean the drunk ramblings from tío that no one had the energy to interrupt.” Fina rolls her eyes. “Besides he’s not even blood, no one actually likes him.”
Carlos sighs, leaning back against the closest stall door, “He’s family Fina, besides, I don’t want to rock the boat yet. I’m fine.”
“Keep telling yourself that Carlitos,” Fina answers back sharply.
Silence heavy and uncomfortable falls over them. Carlos pushes off the stall and makes to walk out of the barn, but before he walks out the doors he turns to his sister, “I really am fine Fina.”
Josefina sighs and joins him in the doorway, bumping her hip into his and wrapping an arm around his waist, “I just want you to be happy Carlos.”
“I know and I am.”
This time Fina doesn’t contradict him and they walk out together. Carlos can’t stop the smile from spreading across his face when he sees Josh standing on the front porch with his Aunt and Carlos’ mom. Fina hip checks him again and wiggles her eyebrows as she pushes him towards the house, before disappearing in the other direction.
Carlos doesn’t waste any time bounding up the stairs of the porch to greet their guests. “Hola Señora Gómez, Hi Josh.”
The other boy smiles at Carlos, a smile so bright and open it makes his heart swell.
“Hola Carlos.” Señora Gómez answers kindly, before turning to address the group as a whole, “Joshua was so excited to come over today that I think this was the earliest he’s woken up all summer without needing someone to pull him out of bed.” The women laugh together at the thought and Carlos bounces up on his toes a little bit, overjoyed at the thought that Josh enjoys spending time together as much as Carlos does.
Carlos has to hold himself back from taking the other boy's hand right there on the porch to drag him off for a ride. He’s desperate for them to have some time alone. “Let’s go for a ride,” he suggests aloud instead and at Josh’s nod he begins to move away.
“Carlitos, don’t forget I expect you boys back here for dinner and you still need to complete your evening chores later.”
Waving at his mother’s words Carlos shouts, “Si Mami!”
Carlos feels like a little kid as he and Josh burst through the barn door laughing. After a quick look around to make sure no one is inside, he allows Josh to take his hand and pull him in closer. Carlos presses a quick kiss to the other boy's lips and pulls away with a shy smile. It’s not the first time they’ve kissed, but it still feels completely new to Carlos. Ever since he met Josh at the beginning of the summer, when he came from California to visit his Aunt and Uncle, Carlos has been floating on the high of his crush.
“Come on, let's get the horses saddled and then I want to show you the other side of the ranch today. The river has gone down enough that we should be able to cross it now.”
Carlos helps Josh get his horse saddled and checks to make sure everything is secure. At Josh’s Aunt’s request, Carlos has been teaching the other boy how to ride this summer. It turns out the request was the best thing to happen to Carlos all year, because it’s given them a reason to spend time together. Plus as Josh has gotten better at riding, it’s provided them with plenty of excuses to wander off alone on the extensive land the Reyes family owns.
They take off at a comfortable trot and Carlos enjoys the feel of the wind in his hair and the heat of the sun on his face. When they reach the edge of the river where they are going to cross Carlos pulls on the reins and guides his horse over next to the other boy. Josh is looking out across the water with trepidation and Carlos places his hand gently on his thigh, getting his attention. When Josh looks towards him at the touch and Carlos smiles gently.
“I’ll guide you across,” Carlos assures, “It’s really shallow here and Luz doesn’t have any problems with water so you’ll be fine.”
“I trust you.” Josh assures as he places his hand on top of Carlos’ taking a moment to run his thumb across his knuckles. Carlos looks down at their hands, enjoying the touch and the intimacy of liking someone and being liked back for the first time.
“I’ve got you,” he murmurs as he slowly guides them both across the river. As promised the river is shallow and they make it across without any problems. Once on the other side Carlos guides them downstream a little ways before jumping off his horse and tying her off to a tree branch.
Josh follows Carlos’ motions more carefully, and soon joins him in spreading out the blanket that was packed in Carlos’ saddle bag. Time passes quickly in their little hideaway and Carlos enjoys the privacy afforded to them by letting himself touch more freely and talk more openly.
Josh has always been the more open of the two of them, having come out to his family a couple of years earlier. Carlos has already asked him every possible question about how it went, and how his relatives reacted. He’s actually a little embarrassed to remember his astonishment at Josh’s easy acceptance of all the questions before Carlos had any real right to be asking them.
Thankfully Josh has been more than happy to share and very accepting of the fact that Carlos isn’t ready to come out yet. So they’ve shared their growing crushes in secret.
Time passes without either one of them realizing and before long the sun is casting shadows across their space. Carlos is laying with his head on Josh’s thigh, humming contently as fingers brush through his curls. He feels the shift as Josh leans down to gently press their lips together. The kiss lasts longer than any of their previous ones, and Carlos lets his tongue tentatively swipe across Josh’s lips. He’s lost in the new exploration that he misses the sound of horses hooves on the ground until they’re too close for Carlos to avoid what comes next.
“Luci, I’m sure they’ll be back to the house soon. We should just go back and wait for them.” Fina’s voice, loud and concerned, reaches Carlos’ ears.
“Mami was worried they weren’t back yet and asked me to come find them Josefina, you didn’t have to come along,” his older sister’s voice comes right after and then, “¿Carlitos?”
The silence that follows the question has Carlos scrambling to untangle himself from his position on the blanket practically wrapped around Josh. He shoots Josh a quick apologetic look before he brushes his hands down his pants in an attempt to look casual.
“Hola Luci, you…you weren’t supposed to be home until tomorrow.” Carlos manages to stutter semi-coherently even as he wills his mind to stop spinning and his heart to calm down.
No one says anything for a long moment and Carlos feels the heat creep up his neck onto his ears.
“Dinner time boys, Let’s go.” Luciana finally finds her voice and without a second look at them she turns her horse around and makes her way back the way her and Josefina came. Fina shoots Carlos an empathetic look and mouths, I’m sorry , at him before following their sister.
“Shit Carlos, I’m so sorry!” Josh exclaims as soon as they’re alone again and he reaches for Carlos hand hanging limply at his side. Carlos just takes a step back, not willing to accept the comforting touch in the midst of the storm inside him.
“We should head back.” He murmurs quietly instead and they both mount their horses and start the journey back. Carlos is quiet the entire ride back, and through dinner. He barely manages to salvage his good manners enough to bid Josh and his Aunt goodbye before he flees to the solitude of the hay loft in the barn.
He should have known he wouldn’t be able to escape his sister long though. She’s always been the most persistent of the Reyes kids. Carlos figures that’s why she’s following their oldest sister's footsteps and heading off to medical school in the fall. Carlos waits where he sits on one of the benches with his head buried in his knees. He feels his sister sit down and lean into him slightly.
“I’m really sorry that I found out before you were ready for me to know.” Luciana tells him gently. “This doesn’t change anything though, I love you.”
“Even after you caught me kissing a boy?” Carlos questions sharply as he picks up his head to look at Luci face to face. He’s not sure if it’s bravery or stupidity that drives him to want to see the look on her face to catch her in the lie he thinks she’s telling.
Luciana looks at him seriously, “Of course,” Then she bumps her shoulder into his. “Please tell me I didn’t mess up your first kiss though.”
Carlos feels his cheeks heat up and he buries his face back into his knees. “Not my first kiss.”
“Good.” Luci’s voice is cheerful, “then tell me about this boy. It seems I’ve missed a lot this summer.”
Carlos turns his head to look at her, resting his cheek on his knee. “You really want to know?”
Luci gives him her patented, you are being dumb little brother look, “Of course hermanito. Fina wouldn’t tell me a thing and I need something to tease you about after all.”
That’s all it takes for Carlos to break and soon he’s sharing all his secrets to Luci. Josefina joins them a little while later and Carlos is made to endure two of his sister’s teasing and gossiping. It’s overbearing, and embarrassing and more than he ever could have hoped for. The rest of that summer goes even better than the last. With two sisters now in on the secret. Carlos and Josh manage to sneak away several more times and they even manage to have a secret dance in the barn the night of the BBQ. Carlos feels the weight of his secret lift with the help of others to carry it with him and he thinks he might finally be ready to share it with the rest of his family.
3. Rosa Maria
Rosa is coming home for Christmas this year. It is the first time in four years that she’ll make it home and Carlos is excited. Even though she is ten years older than him and they hadn’t had much time together, he felt a certain kinship with her. Of all his sisters she was the most like him; a desire to help others, a bit of a perfectionist, even more in control at all times. He’s always admired how Rosa was always able to make their parents proud. He’s sure that she can help him make them proud of him too, even in the light of their less than enthusiastic response to his sexuality.
She’s home for two days before he’s able to find a good reason to get her alone. Making up the excuse that he forgot to get Mami one of her Christmas gifts he sneaks his way into going with Rosa on a last minute run into the city.
“I’m going to tell Rosa today.” Fina’s eyes snap to Carlos from where she is helping him with the morning chore of gathering the chicken eggs. “Don’t give me that look, Fina; I’m ready for our family to know.”
“I’m not giving you a look Carlos,” Carlos hears the soft sigh, “And I’m happy that you are ready. I just want you to be happy.”
“This will make me happy,” he insists. “Plus Rosa has always been the best at dealing with Mom and Dad. I’m hoping she might have some advice for me. Especially with college coming up and careers.”
Fina fakes an offended look, “You mean you don’t want to talk to me about college and careers.”
“I’m not meant to run a ranch, Fina. Not like you.”
He knows the huff in reply isn’t directed at him, but rather at their parents. Especially Papá and the not so subtle remarks that he’s been throwing both their ways since Fina announced she wanted to learn to run the ranch and Carlos announced he wanted to go to college and become a police officer.
“You know you don’t have to care what Mamí and Papí think about it right? It’s your life not theirs.”
“I just want them to be proud of me.” Carlos blinks rapidly, holding back the tears and emotions he knows his Dad would tell him he shouldn’t have about such a trivial matter. It’s some weird oxymoron that his Dad is both the one whose pride Carlos craves the most and the one who would be the first to tell him that pride in oneself matter’s above all others.
“Lo sé.” Fina answers as she picks up both hers and his basket of eggs to head back to the house. “I’m proud of you Carlos.”
“Gracias, for letting me come with you today Rosa.” Carlos settles into the chair across from his sister in the local café that they have visited as a family after every Sunday mass for as long as Carlos can remember. He doesn’t know if it’s fitting or foreboding that this is the place he is going to tell his oldest sister.
“Of course hermano.” She smiles kindly at him, “Don’t think I didn’t notice this was just an excuse to get out of helping Mother finish the preparation for Christmas dinner tomorrow.”
It’s been a long time since Carlos has tried to avoid helping out in the kitchen. He actually rather enjoys cooking besides his mom these days, but it’s been a long time since Rosa’s been home to see that. She’s only half wrong though, because Carlos is avoiding anything that has to do with being around either of his parent’s too much right now.
“Actually Rosa, I asked because I wanted to talk to you about something.”
This gets his sister’s attention and she hastily places her coffee mug on the table and raises an eyebrow at him.
“I told our parents that I wanted to become a police officer.”
At his words, Rosa’s face alights with understanding, “they did not take that news well did they?” she asks mostly rhetorically.
“Not really no,” he agrees with her, “but I think the bigger shock came when I told them I was gay.”
The surprise on Rosa’s face at this particular admission is clear. Carlos himself is surprised at how smoothly the words came out. There was no hesitation, no stuttering or stumbling over the thought. This is who he is and it’s gotten easier to tell his truth. Even if it’s easier to say, that doesn’t make the silence that’s fallen over the table easier to understand.
“Can you blame them?”
The words don’t make sense in his mind. Can he blame them for what exactly ? Being shocked, he guesses not, although neither Josefina nor Lucina seemed all that shocked. He’s not blaming them for that. He’s blaming them for everything after. Even though he thinks blame is the wrong word here.
Carlos realizes he hasn’t said anything and has just been staring blankly at Rosa for too long when she sighs, loudly.
“Carlitos,” she begins and somehow with that one word she makes him feel so small, that he knows he’s not going to like the rest of whatever she has to say.
“You told our very traditionally raised parents that their Latino-American son wants to enter into a profession that emphasizes cultural ideals of masculinity and that you are gay. Of course they are going to be concerned.”
Carlos bristles at the implications hidden in her words, but he decides to stay the course for now.
“They said they loved me.”
Rosa nods and something akin to empathy lights her dark brown eyes, so similar to his own. “They do love you. The same way I love you hermanito. That’s why I’m telling you this. I don’t want you to have to figure out the hard way what it’s like to live your truth. Sometimes it’s better to live a lie and be happy.”
“What if the lie doesn’t make me happy,” the words are whispered in the wind. They come from the deepest part of him and a big part of the reason why he gathered the courage to tell their parents at all. He doesn’t want to live a lie.
“You give it time, and patience, and it can,” is Rosa’s sage advice and it hits Carlos like a freight train that this is exactly how she has always managed not to rock the boat.
Their parents expected her to go to college, so she went to college. They wanted her to become a doctor, so she went to medical school. When they started complaining about getting old and wanting to be young for their grandkids; she married the first nice man she met. She may not be living a lie the same way she is suggesting he do, but Carlos doesn’t think she’s living her truth either.
“I don’t think so Rosa. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy living a lie.”
“And if the truth causes you pain.”
The words sting, because at this point Carlos has come to realize that no matter what he does. His truth may always cause someone pain, but then he realizes that’s not right.
“It’s not the truth that will cause me pain. It’s the people that can’t accept my truth.”
Rosa’s head snaps back at that, like she’s been struck by his words. Maybe she has, but Carlos has been running for too long and right now with a sister that he knows will leave for a faraway place in three days and likely never speak to him again, he feels the courage to rock the boat just a little.
“No one wants to live in pain, Carlos.”
“That’s the first truth I’ve heard from you today Rosa.” Carlos nods as he stands from the table. His hands are shaking and his heart is beating so hard in his chest that it feels like it should be loud enough for everyone in the café to hear.
He doesn’t say anything else to Rosa for the rest of her stay. They both play the perfect siblings in front of the family, silently exchanging gifts and giving stilted hugs. Thankfully they’ve both become quite skilled at the art of making their parents happy and this occasion is no different. Not everyone is as oblivious to the change in energy between the pair, but Carlos refuses to talk to Josefina or a strangely adamant Luciana. He doesn’t need to ruin their image of their oldest sister even if his is damaged. Selfishly though he knows he isn’t telling them, because he doesn’t want to rock the boat anymore. He’s done enough of that for now. His parents don’t deserve to have it shoved in their faces.
He’s grateful that they accept his decision and even more grateful when they sneak into his room Christmas morning to give him two more gifts from them. A pride flag for him to fly wherever he wants, but Fina thinks it’ll be perfect for his dorm room at UT, and a gift card to his favorite LGBTQ owned bakery in the city, with a promise that he’ll take them along.
It’s not exactly how Carlos expected this Christmas to go, but knowing he’s got two sisters who completely support him and love him makes it a little bit easier. He meant what he said to Rosa, he’d never be happy living a lie, so for now he’s just going to live his truth the best way he can.
+1. Isabela
Isabela is the wild card of the family. It took Carlos 18 years to realize that she’s always been hidden in the shadow of their oldest sister Rosa. He’s never been particularly close with Isa; just a few too many years separated them and it always seemed they had little in common. It is almost natural then that she is the only member of their family that doesn’t know about him. After the disaster that was his coming out to his parents and Rosa; he hasn’t been in any hurry to tell anyone else. Besides, he's content to be leaving for college in two short months.
What he never could have expected was a surprise trip home and a request from Isabela for them to have brunch together alone.
He drives his mom’s car into the city Saturday morning under the guise of meeting his freshman roommate for coffee. It’s not a lie. He is meeting his roommate for coffee, just not this afternoon. Now he’s on his way to brunch with his sister. The Austin heat and sunshine accompany him through the open window as he drives. He enjoys the quiet solitude of the drive into the city; long enough for him to lose the tension he constantly carries at home these days, but short enough that he doesn’t lose himself in thoughts of why Isa wants to have brunch with him.
He’s pulling up in front of the unfamiliar set of food trucks fifteen minutes before their pre-arranged meeting time. Predictably his sister isn't anywhere in sight, but the space is busier than Carlos expected for 11:00 am brunch on a Sunday morning. Carlos decides to grab them one of the few open tables he spots under the shade of the trees in the park. It’s sitting there, tapping his foot to the nervous rhythm of his heart that his sister finds him exactly fifteen minutes later.
“Always late, hermana.” Carlos greets her with a smile, the old family joke about only fifteen minutes early is on time easily rolling off his tongue.
“You know time moves at a different pace for me, sorry to have kept you waiting the whole fifteen minutes until our actual meeting time.” Isa answers sarcastically even as she pulls him into a tight hug, which he returns easily.
“I’ll grab us some food,” he offers as he pulls away, but he’s stopped by a hand on his arm and a laugh that he finds he missed.
“Do you even know what’s good?” Isa’s voice has a teasing lilt to it, none of the harsh edges he remembers from when she was home last.
He shrugs, nonplussed, he’s been cooking for years now and he is sure he can spot the best food. “No, but I’m sure I can figure it out.”
“Sit,” she orders in reply, “My treat anyways.”
Carlos does as requested and sits twirling his phone in his hand as he waits for her to return. It doesn’t take long despite the abundant crowd surrounding the food trucks.
“It helps to know the owners.” Isa answers his raised eyebrow with a smile.
Carlos shakes his head fondly while distracting himself by digging into his food.
“Wow this is really good. I’m surprised I've never heard of this particular set of food trucks,” he muses as he goes in for another bite.
Isa takes a moment from enjoying her own food to answer, “they’re pretty new here. Just started setting up every weekend in March.”
“How’d you find them? This is pretty far south of your usual territory.”
“I dated the chef of one, we’re still good friends. She mainly keeps the truck up in North Austin where I met her.”
Carlos chokes on his bite at the words, so casually given, without any preamble or build-up. Even now as he takes a gulp of his water and tries to surreptitiously clear his throat, Isa looks unfazed.
When he looks up at Isa her eyes are sparkling with mischief and a smirk sits on her lips. “What? You didn’t think you were the only one in the family, did you?”
Those words cause Carlos to sputter the sip of water he was taking and Isa bursts out into laughter. Again the sound hitting Carlos because of how genuinely happy she sounds.
“But you’re married to Hanson.”
“There is such a thing as bisexual hermano.”
Carlos blushes in shame at his unmeaningful yet hurtful words. “Sí claro, perdóname. So which truck is your ex-girlfriend turned friend’s?
“The one you’re eating from obviously. She really is a wonderful chef. Even Hanson agrees.”
Isa is full-on belly laughing now as Carlos chokes for a third time.
“Are you trying to give yourself a reason to perform the heimlich maneuver on me, Isa?” Carlos complains around a cough.
“It’s fun to be able to surprise you. You’ve always been so tightly wound I wondered when you’d loosen up enough to laugh.”
Carlos knows there is truth in her words, and that they weren’t said with intention to harm, but it hurts all the same to be reminded of all the reasons he held himself so tight and all the reasons he was just waiting to be able to let go.
“Did you finally tell them then?” Isa asks as she watches him with a careful eye.
“Tell who what?” Carlos feigns ignorance on the direction of this discussion.
He watches as Isa leans back in her seat, body language open and inviting, and it’s no wonder she’s good at her job as a youth counselor. “Our family that you’re gay.”
Despite the leading conversation and Carlos’ assumptions that this was the direction they were headed, he still finds himself at a loss for words at the easy way the information is laid out in front of him. This is the first time that anyone, himself included, has acknowledged this piece of information as just another piece of the puzzle that makes up Carlos Reyes and not some big wall to be faced.
“Yes,” his voice is quiet, almost disappearing in the chatter that surrounds them, but Isa doesn’t miss it or the flash of pain that crosses his face.
“Judging from that look, I’d say they didn’t take it well.” The gentleness in her voice and the soft touch of her hand on his before he even noticed that she was moving it is startling.
“Fina and Luci have been great,” he tells her with genuine happiness, avoiding the painful truth.
Voice still gentle, touch still soft, Isa doesn’t let him run away from it as she asks, “Mom and Dad?”
“They said they loved me and that was that,” he sums up the complete lack of interest from his parents in that short phrase, before admitting the hardest part. “Rosa said I should live a lie.”
Isa swears under her breath, rapid fire and angry. “Rosa lies to herself everyday. It’s time she stopped telling other people how to find happiness when she still hasn’t managed.” The words are sharp, pointed, and angry to the point that Carlos knows there is more behind them than his own confession. He’s sad for the look in Isa’s eyes that he is almost certain is from a bad memory of her own.
“I told her I didn’t want to live a lie.”
“Good for you Carlos.” Isa exclaims almost aggressively, but softens when he pulls back at the words, “I don’t know that I’ll ever be brave enough to share my whole truth with them Carlos, and for that I am sorry. I’m sorry I don’t have the strength you do that would allow me to stand next to you.”
Carlos shakes his head to disagree, but Isa barrels right past that. “I can hide Carlos. I know that. I’m married to a man whom I love and he knows all of me, but that means that I don’t have to share all of me if I don’t want to and I can still be happy. I know it’s not the same for you. I know something of the courage you had to have to tell mom and dad and even Josefina and Luciana and I admire it. I’m proud of you hermano.”
There is a tightness in Carlos’ throat and a burning behind his eyes as he stares in wonder at the sister he never could have imagined would understand him so well.
“Thank you for telling me,” he says with true gratitude. “You didn’t have to, but I feel less alone now than I think I ever have before.”
“You’re not alone Carlos.”
“I know,” and he really believes it.
Even if his parents never acknowledge what he shared with them again. Even if he never sees eye to eye with Rosa. Carlos knows that he isn’t alone and that he’ll always have a family who loves and accepts him for who he really is.