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Chapter Text

The wind whipped across the marina, and he had to slow down his pace and hide his face sideways in the fashionably large collar of his thrift store bought jacket. He had successfully talked himself out of buying the whole thing the first time they went to Boston together. But on the second trip, she was pretty determined that it would look good on him. So, he donned the jacket and did a little ramp walk in the store itself. It did look good on him. But that was then. Now, it doesn’t look good on him anymore. It is not even sensible to wear the thick jacket when the people around him are trying to get out of their swim shorts and bikinis, just to escape the scorching heat that was bringing havoc upon them. They would have been successful too if not for the vigilant cops of MPD trying their hardest to enforce the public indecency laws, beaches included. The mercury had already breached the barrier of 90 degrees, and he was pretty sure his biceps were all sweaty under the jacket. He could literally smell himself; a smell of sweat and coriander and a mixture of various sauces. Then why was he still wearing this jacket? Right, because it was her gift to him. Another memory to hold on to. Another memory he was supposed to be erasing from his mind. Sometimes, remembering everything was indeed a curse. Who would’ve thought, huh? That’s a part of the reason why he took the longer route to home that goes through the marina. It was usually quiet during this part of the day and then his mind inevitably went to her. Her and lost opportunities. Her and sacrifices. Her and her chocolate brown tresses. Her and her crooked smile. NO! He scolded himself in his mind. He was supposed to get over her. He was at least supposed to be trying. The other reason for taking this un-scenic route was, this was also the only part of the day when winds charging from the ocean towards land held coolness between them. It was like they were showing a little mercy on the city dwellers. It was soothing to his aching muscles after the day’s hard work and a brief respite from the blazing heat. August in Miami is a bitch!!

This would all change in the next month though. They were expecting heavy rains in September, which were supposed to bring the temperatures down a bit. He honestly had no hopes from this place. He had accepted a while ago that his New England genes were just going to have to adapt. He picked up the pace to make it ahead of her 8 pm deadline and be a little more helpful in household work. Not that she would accept his help. She would shoo him out of the kitchen and would tell him, with no uncertain disgust in her voice, that he smelled horrible; that he needed a shower before even greeting her hello. And he would oblige, just like he had been doing for the last two months.

Pacey had never known a woman with a bigger heart than her. Come to think of it, there was a woman, who went by exact same name, that used to treat him like a kid who deserved love. Maybe, it’s something magical in that name. He was still confused as to why she had decided to take a stray like him under her wings. Still couldn’t fathom why she would shower a stranger like him with love. Simply put, Pacey had never known love like this. Growing up without a shred of parental love and years of emotional and physical abuse had rendered him unable to comprehend this barrage of storge love from someone who was a complete stranger to him a couple months ago. Its like she was waiting for a son. Her son who went to the war many years ago. Her son who only returned in a coffin, just like his dad, a few years ago. And she had been waiting since then. She had been waiting, and like a moth to the flame, he met her. She gave him a job. She gave him a place to live. A place he called home now. A place that felt more like home to him than the dreadful one where he had spent the previous seventeen years of his life. Maybe technically sixteen since Dougie was so benevolent in taking him in this past year. Maybe his heart was searching for a mother too. Pacey didn’t believe in religion or God. He had seen enough shit in his life and read enough history of mankind to believe that there was no one else above watching these horrible things unfold. But meeting her accidentally and what transpired later shook his position. It shocked him that people like her still exist in the world. Maybe that destiny thing wasn’t just a hoax after all.

He turned a corner and made his way towards the giant gate of the villa. He also had never lived in a house like this. The villa was huge, and located in one of the more laidback areas of Miami. This single storey bungalow had 6 bedrooms and 2 large halls, a dining room and a spacious kitchen. An ample lawn in front of the house and a parking garage on the side. Not that he needed one, since he didn’t own any wheels. One side of the bungalow was completely made of glass and faced the great Atlantic Ocean. Gallery on this side of the bungalow was Pacey's favourite spot in the house. Sitting on the railings with his feet dangling below and the whole ocean in front of him gave him a similar feeling of sitting on the dock, back in Capeside. There was an open terrace too, lined with carefully tended garden of flowers and organic plants, which was practically her home. She spent so much time in that Garden. There was no doubt in his mind that Lillian Baker came from a wealthy family. The fact that she owned a restaurant on the busiest street in Miami was a dead giveaway. But when he first came to her villa, he realised the depth of her wealth. But her depth of compassion and love was so much bigger than her wealth. And according to Pacey, that was the real treasure.

He called out to her as he entered the house through the back door, expecting to find her doing something in the kitchen or watching television in the hall. Surprisingly, he was met with silence. He moved through the doors, from halls to bedrooms, and was just about to climb the stairs to look in the garden before remembering to check the magnets on the refrigerator. That is where she would usually leave a note when she left the house. And as usual, there was a long note, held against the freeze by the magnets.

“Its Sunday Kiddo, which means time to earn my money back from the witches of the Bridge Club. I haven’t taken the mustang and I will be late. But don’t worry, Mr. McGinn has picked me up and has promised me a ride home. Dinner is in oven, just heat up before you eat. Don’t wait up for me, Okay? I plan to go wild today ;P”

Pacey chuckled at her hilarious attempt to draw a teasing smiley face. He knew Mr. McGinn well and realised he really didn’t have to worry about it. The poor old guy had been in love with her for years and trying for ages to woo the formidable Lily but she was playing hard to get. In reality, Pacey knew the reasons; knew that she was still in love with her deceased husband, even after all these years, and that was not fair on Mr. McGinn. But she liked him enough to be his friend, and Mr. McGinn took what he could get. Pacey could relate very well to his feelings. ‘Been there, done that’. Actually, ‘Been there, lost that……’

Pacey took a shower after setting the timer on the oven. Later, he finished his dinner – his favourite spaghetti and meatballs; while watching the reruns of Baywatch. Then he took care of the dishes and cleaning of the kitchen. She always left a messy kitchen after making dinner and Pacey had given up on telling her that he could rather cook and clean in less time than it took to only clean up after her mess. He took the 'Moby Dick' from the entertainment room (yes, Lily had converted an entire room into a den of movie DVDs, music cassettes, video games, and books) and went to his bedroom early. Normally he and Lily would watch a crappy reality show or sit on the roof talking about everything under the stars. But today he had no other option and he was really tired from the double shift he had pulled at the restaurant. He turned off every light in the house, barring a reading lamp on his desk and the porch lights for when she would return home. And just as he was hoping that a few pages into the 4^th chapter of Moby Dick would lull him into sleep, his mind went off the biology of whales into the biology of snails. The book slipped from his hand, and his eyelids grew heavy. He could still remember the whole day he spent with her hunting snails in the creek. He could still remember every sarcastic barb she threw at him. He could still see her bare back behind his eyelids, just as he had seen in the mirror of the truck while she was changing. He could still smell her hair when she emerged from the shower after their adventures in creek, the coconutty smell that still made him weak in the knees. He could still feel her hands in his, when she got scared on the Ferris Wheel in the fair but never admitted to it. Just held his hand tight until her knuckles turned white. And when the ride was over, she just glared at him intensely for 5 seconds to convey to him the message that one word about her fear of heights to anyone and he would be a dead man. And Pacey thought she never looked more beautiful than at that moment when she glared at him. She was so beautiful. The swarm of butterflies engulfed all his internal organs and his external response was just nodding his head a little bit. He could still feel the touch of her arms against his when they walked side by side to the truck. He could still feel the softness of her lips against his, at the end of that wonderful day.

That was almost 2 years ago. He bristled at the realisation and became increasingly frustrated – for fuck’s sake, just how long exactly had he been in love with her. Has he been in love with her his whole life? Was that why he pulled her braids and pushed her into the creek while growing up? Did John Boehner’s old cliche of ‘you tease the ones you love’ apply to him as well? His head was exploding with similar thoughts for the past 3 months, and he was tired. He was tired of being in love with her. He was tired of not having his love returned by her. He was tired of this unrequited love. He was tired of being just her friend. He was tired of her obliviousness to his feelings. He put Sixteen hundred miles between them and he was tired of still not getting over her. Every night before succumbing to sleep, he promised himself that tomorrow will be a new day in the life of new Pacey Witter. The new Pacey, who didn’t left his heart back in Capeside. The new Pacey, who wanted to do something in his life. The new Pacey, who loved cooking. The new Pacey, who met this amazing woman, who was taking care of him like he was her son.

But that tomorrow never came.

He was still hopelessly, head over heels, in love with Joey Potter.

He really needed to get over her.

But it was getting less painful day by day and he was trying hard to hold his broken heart together with a scotch tape. It was healing, slowly but steadily. He had found a new love on this self-actualisation journey – his love for Cooking; and he had thrown himself into it.

And it’s not like he was completely blameless in this whole ordeal either. Hindsight had helped him look at those fateful events objectively. His whole life changed due to his single decision last spring. He could still argue that it was the right thing to do. But that didn’t make everything that happened after it any less painful. He knew no one back in Capeside was going to say ’Poor Pacey’ over it. No one really knew the extent of his feelings towards Joey. No one, except maybe Jen. The all-knowing wise, sage, Lindley was probably the only person who knew the depth of his love for one Joey Potter.

The shrill ringing of multiple phones in the empty villa pulled him out of his musings. His hand automatically went to the side table, swiping across the surface to find the receiver without having to open his eyes. He finally grasped hold of the handle and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” Suffice to say that his greeting was more of an irritated question than cheerful acknowledgement.

There was silence on the other side, but Pacey could still hear someone breathing. He repeated his greetings but the response didn’t come. He was pretty sure there was someone on the other line and it was not a wrong number. The realisation made his throat dry and his face pale. The caller clearly knew his voice. That’s the only way to explain the shocked silence on the other end. That means the call was probably from Capeside. He was pretty sure he didn’t give his number to anyone, not even Dougie. For the past three months, he had essentially severed all contact with Capeside and his monthly call to Doug, the part of their deal to let Doug know he was alive, were made from the payphones, so even the cop in him couldn’t track his number back. But somehow, the person on the other end of the call has got his/her hands on the villa’s residential number. He took a deep breath to calm his fears. He didn’t want to hear her voice. He was trying his damnedest to move on and a small quiver of her voice would pull him back right where he was three months ago.

So he sat up straight and waited, dreadfully; his mind wishing the caller to be anyone but her. His heart wanted to hear her voice. He himself was hanging somewhere in between, his whole body coiled up in tension. His body suspended but ready to respond for what felt like hours, but could have been only seconds in reality.

And then the reply came from the speaker.

"Hello Pacey," a soft whisper carried over sixteen hundred miles, and Pacey's entire body relaxed at her sound. He fell back on his pillows.

“Hey Lindley” he whispered back; a small tremble apparent in his voice.

“How are you, you Jackass?” He could hear the shakiness in her voice too.

“This Jackass is really good, Lindley.” He replied, chuckling, “How is my favourite blond on the planet?”

“Furious, seething, enraged, apoplectic.” Pacey didn’t need to hear those words; her anger was discernible in her voice.

“But also relieved, grateful, even a bit happy to hear your voice and know your sorry ass is still on this planet.” She continued with a release of breath.

Pacey couldn’t hold the snicker before replying, “That’s a lot of emotions for that pea-size brain of your Lindley, aren’t you scared that it will blow up processing such a large data of emotions? And did you call me in the middle of your SAT prep week or what?”

“Fuck you, Witter.” The angry tone was back on.

“I am sorry Jen.” Pacey said quietly. The small voice and this simple sentence packing so many things in it. The apology was genuine and heartfelt. If he tried hard to rationalise, Pacey could find a reason to blame almost everyone back in Capeside for his abrupt disappearance from their life. He could point to each person and recite events or incidents where they treated Pacey horribly, that he deserved better and that’s why they don’t warrant an explanation from him for dropping out of their lives. But even in his twisted mind of blaming others, he couldn’t come up with a single instance when Jen Lindley didn’t have his back. Not a single example of Jen treating him like others did, or Jen betraying his confidence or trust. Jen Lindley deserved better. From him, from all of them. If there was a single genuine apology to be made, he would make it to Jen. In fact, she was the only one who had his back, especially towards the end. She was the only person who knew everything; Well, almost everything. More than anyone else. It was her shoulder he cried on for hours on that fateful night. She was his best friend without both of them realising it.

Jen Lindley deserved better.

So, Pacey hoped against his hope that she would forgive him. He can’t take one more person he loved, be mad at him. He wanted Jen in his life, in whatever capacity she could be from so much distance between them.

“I know Pacey,” her wistful voice came in reply.

Of course, she forgave him. Jen was amazing like that.

“And I understand the desire to flee from a crappy life and a bad family better than anyone else. I did that too, remember?” Pacey heard a whimper across the line, and he could feel the moisture in the corners of his eyes. “And I would say it worked out for me. But it was because of Grams and you guys. I had you guys here to catch me when I jumped into the abyss to escape from New York. Who is there to catch you Pacey?” she asked, with a sniff. “Who is there to love you? And also hit your head when you are making stupid decisions? Just like the one you made at the start of this summer.”

“I am really sorry, Jen.” Pacey really felt the need to apologise again. He could do it a hundred times and it still wouldn’t be enough.

“It’s okay.” Her voice was steady now and he relaxed a bit. “But I am not the one who deserves your apology the most anyway.”

Jen’s subtle art of diverging conversation to the topics she wanted to discuss was not lost on him.

“DON'T, Lindley.” He knew where the conversation was headed.

“I will Witter.” Came an angry reply.

“Why?” Pacey pleaded back.

“Because she is devastated, Pacey. She is really hurt.”

“I am hurt too, Jen.”

“I know that.” She replied stiffly. “So, is this some sort of payback to her or her penance?” her wit was biting. “Have you devised seven labours for her to undertake too so you would accept her apology?”

“No, it’s not a payback or seven labours. Actually, if anything, I am the one who moved away from everyone. You guys have each other. I am alone here. How is that payback to her?” He couldn’t help but raise his voice a bit.

Jen softened her tone and said, "You don't own patent on broken hearts, you know."

“But in the end, I am the one whose heart is still broken and who’s standing alone anyways, aren’t I?” there was a resignation in his voice now. The resignation that was set back in that summer.

“Pacey” her voice was pleading now. “Joey wants to see you.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Pacey replied. “You want me to see her.”

“Why can’t both be true? You guys are best friends” she continued in her relentless pursuit.

Pacey scoffed on reflex at her statement. Best friend. That’s the terminology he was afraid of. He wanted so much more than just to be Joey’s best friend. He didn’t want to end up in the infamous friendzone. And still somehow, he became the mayor of that zone. And that was the problem, wasn’t it? He couldn’t be just her friend. That’s why he moved so far away from everything.

“Were best friends Jen, past tense.” His mouth tightened around the response.

Jen decided to play her final move, her final weapon to convince Pacey to come back.

“Pacey please, come back; Joey needs you.”

But it didn’t have the impact on Pacey she was hoping for. Not as much as she needs some other people, he thought bitterly, as his least favourite blond on the planet came to his mind. But he didn’t reply for few drawn out seconds.

There was roughness in his voice when he did reply, a hint of resignation but also a sign of maturity. A hint of broken heart but also a pinch of future promise. A smudge of all he had lost, but tip of all he was yet to gain. His throat was closing on him with all the contrasting emotions and before it would close completely, he let it out. For the first time, he spoke aloud the vow, the one he made to himself while leaving that town behind onboard ‘True Love’. He kept his voice firm and left no room for negotiations when he spoke -

“I am not going back to Capeside.”

Chapter Text

“I am not going back to Capeside.”

His voice was firm but low. He didn’t shout those words at her through the receiver. He didn’t yell, nor did her whisper. He didn’t sound irritated, nor did he sound uncomfortable. When those words hit Jen’s ears, it felt like a promise. No, not a promise; more like a vow. A prophetic declaration. He might as well have added the ‘I decree in the name of Jesus’ part at the start.

Jen Lindley was known for her stubbornness. She was known in her friends’ circle as a master puppeteer of the group. And she could confess to some of the schemes that she had pulled together to make all of them do something at various points of time. Like how she managed to make Jack confess his crush to Ethan. Or how she managed to throw Pacey’s boat a ‘christening ceremony’ unbeknownst to him and then managed to turn that into a nice get-together of friends and family. She liked to think she used her powers mostly for the good of her ‘human marionettes’, mostly being the key word.

But contrary to popular belief, she also knew when to back off, when to accept defeat. This was one of those times. The tone of his voice told her everything she wanted to know about his intentions of coming back to Capeside. Or not coming, as the case may be. Not that she won't pester him to come home every now and then, as they were bound to do in future phone conversations. But those requests wouldn’t be a part of a complex ploy to lure him back here either. It would be just that, the request; from one friend to other.

“Okay”, she replied patiently.

“Really? Just Okay?” surprise at her lack of stubbornness was evident in his voice.

Clearly, her reputation was more muddied than she imagined and she was sure they had declared her as ‘reincarnation of Dolos’ behind her back by now. But she reigned in her annoyance.

“Yes, Pacey, I am not going to beg you to come back. In all honesty, I don’t even care whether you come back or not.” She replied nonchalantly.

“Thanks Jen!” He replied quietly, the realisation dawning on him that she understood his reasoning too. Maybe she disagreed with his course of action, but she understood his rationale behind it. Still, she wouldn’t be Jen Lindley if she gave up that easily.

“Come on Lindley, admit it; you missed me.” After a few moments of comfortable silence, he picked up on a teasing tone.

“Yep! I miss you, like a hole in my head.” She resorted to her time-honoured, reliable pun.

“Oh, I see how it is. I am no good if I can’t go through a sex pact now, am I?” He quipped, this time without missing a beat.

“Exactly. If you are not a good lay, I don’t mind keeping you away.” She replied breezily.

“Well, then why do you keep Jack close to you?” He waggled his eyebrows even though she couldn’t see it.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” She drawled. “Jealous much, Witter?”

“You're hilarious, Lindley.” He chuckled on the other side, and a soft smile adorned her face to hear his laugh after so many days.

“I know!!” her usual quip, just at a higher pitch.

They both laughed, and silence fell between them again. What after the banter? It was easier to banter than discuss the real issues bothering them. Banter was just a way of communication in their tightly knit, overanalysing, angsty, bon mot tossing, incestuous band of misfits. Although not so closely knit now, considering one of the members sailed hundreds of miles away from the rest of them. And left his sparring partner behind him. Jen often berated herself for not seeing through their banter, their charade, much before this year; which was probably going on since both of them hit puberty. Amongst all the banter between the group members, theirs always stood out. She should have known there was more to it; it was their way of releasing the thick sexual tension between them; some weird kind of foreplay; a screwball mating ritual. She prided herself on being the most perceptive person of the group. So, she couldn’t help but feel as if she failed them. She failed to pick up on them before the time ran out. Maybe if she had had her skills of reading other minds properly honed, they would have gotten their happy ending. They still will, one day; she was sure of that.

She was even more amused that Dawson, their ‘best friend’ for the decade, couldn’t see it either. He prided himself on being a movie buff, often comparing real life situations to the ones in the movies. Yet he couldn’t recognise the encore of Rhett and Scarlett, Warren and Ellie, Han and Leia, transpiring before his own eyes. But Dawson has always been oblivious. He saw what he wanted to see. In his movie-induced dreamland, he was the hero, Joey, his soulmate and Pacey was the sidekick. Any kind of romantic notion or worse yet, sexual tension between the female lead and the hero’s sidekick would have completely destroyed the fabric of happy life he had woven in his fantasy. And that’s why the galactic empire Han and Leia had to face before coming together had nothing on what these two idiots would have to face before coming together. Still have to face. And Jen knew they would. Pacey may have lost hope right now and Joey still had lot of her own issues to deal with; but she knew they would end up together. But the process would be faster if these two dolts could communicate to save their lives; and were living in same town at least. Wasn’t proximity a good thing between people who loved each other? But alas!!

She wasn’t going to interfere in this love story, though. She learnt her lesson from what went down with Ethan and Jack. And she had long decided that what Pacey and Joey had, or the potential to have, must come naturally and on their own; it was not something that could be pulled together with a clever scheme. There was a long history, a mesh of geometric shapes and issues that would shame Gatsby and Daisy. (Great, a literature reference from the required readings, she had warned Jack about letting Andie live with them over the summer). But in the meantime, she would stand with both of them, be their rock when they needed her. And they will need her to get through this, that much she was aware of.

She felt like he had already hung up. She was about to hang up as well-

“Hey, wait up, Blondie.” His offended voice startled her. His tone suggested that he had just realised something. “How did you even get this number?”

Oh, she was in trouble. She had promised Doug that she would use this number only in emergencies. And getting depressed and missing him, because this would be the last week of their summer holidays definitely did not count as an emergency, at least not something that concerned Pacey. And then there was the matter of how Doug had acquired this number….

“You gave me?” She asked innocently.

Pacey wasn’t buying any of it. “Jen?” He just raised his voice by an octave.

“Doug.” The firmness in his voice pulled the truth out of her. She was going to come clean with him anyway. She really was.

“Okay.” He released the breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. He was afraid if the source of her info was his dad, because that meant he had this number too, from which he could easily find his location and that was just too much for him to handle right now. But wait – “How did even Doug get this number?” He was bemused. “I have called him at least three times since I settled in Miami, but I never gave him this number.”

“Pacey” Jen said in a condescending tone, “technology is evolving daily. He must have something called ‘caller identification’ on his phone. They charge you a bit extra for it, but it is totally possible to get a caller number nowadays.” Her response was glib, and she wanted to throw him off the scent.

“Jenny.” He sighed, seeing through her bullshit. “Doug doesn’t have that kind of advanced telephone in his bachelor pad. I lived there, remember? Also, even if he did buy such a phone over the summer, I called from the payphone every time, precisely in anticipation of this kinds of technology. I am something of a scientist myself too, you know?” sarcasm thick in his tone.

“Okay, Pacey, look; Don’t get mad at me or Doug. We only did it because we were concerned about you.” Time to come clean.

“What did you do?” he was exasperated now.

“So, I guess in your haste of becoming a scientist, you neglected your family worked in law enforcement. After you declared to Doug that you were not coming back to Capeside and told him you finally got a job in Miami;” her voice cracked a bit on this bit and Pacey got another reminder of people he hurt in the process of removing himself from Capeside to save his heart. But she continued through it,  “…..that you were not living on the ‘True love’ anymore; he called one of his friends. That guy knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew another guy –“

“Skip the chain of guys, please.”

“-who worked as a cop for the MPD. So, when you said you weren’t coming back and you and he had that big fight.”

“I remember the fight.” He grumbled. “I also remember calling a few weeks later apologise to him but informing that my decision hadn’t changed.”

“Yeah, that fight.” She let out a breath. “So, this cop ‘guy’ easily traced down the young seventeen-year-old who managed to sail down the coast from Capeside to Miami, on his own. He just had to ask around the Conch Harbor marina. You were apparently some kind of young cult celebrity amongst the sailors there.” There was something like a pride in her tone.

“It was nothing, Lindley.” He shouldn’t have fraternised with the sailors there. He knew talking to those old salts would be his downfall.

“Yeah, save your low self-deprecating bullshit for Joey. It was a great feat, and I am very proud of you. Anyway, the sailors told him you had just started working at this restaurant named-” Jen recalled Doug telling her the name of it, but she couldn’t remember right now. “Umm…...I forgot the name, but I remember it was something we read in the history books.”

“Versailles Restaurant, Jen,” he chuckled at her guess about the origin of the restaurant’s name.

“Yeah, that’s the one. The cop buddy asked around the restaurant and, lo and behold, you were kind of famous around there too. Also, they called you a prodigal chef or something. What’s up with that? When did you start cooking? And most importantly, why haven’t you made chocolate brownies for me then?” She was going off her own tangent.

Pacey chuckled at her petulant voice before responding, “I am not prodigal or anything Jen. I just..” He stuttered to a stop, words in his throat unable to escape the narrow space. He didn’t know how to tell her this when he didn’t even know what it was. The only thing he knew was that he loved cooking. Almost as much as he loved sailing. And apparently, he was okay in it. The head chef had called him a fast learner. But that’s the extent of it. He was still learning so many things. He was yet to learn so many things. That’s why the double shift he pulled today; and most of the days. And he was constantly amazed by these strangers who folded him into their lives, took him in and gave him this space and opportunity to learn.

And it would be so nice to tell someone else about all of this. And by someone else, he meant her. He once even dialled the B&B number from the payphone, after he ended his check-in call with Doug. He wanted to tell her everything he was doing. How he fell in love with cooking without realising it; pretty much similar to how he fell in love with her. He wanted to tell her that sailing down the coast at seventeen was apparently a big deal, at least according to those old geezers; and he dreamt of her sharing this achievement with him as the ‘first mate’; that he was a good Captain. He wanted to tell her about everything he saw on this journey. He wanted to tell her about the storms he faced and came through on the other side. He wanted to tell her about how he scored a job in one of the most famous restaurants in Miami. But most of all, he wanted to tell her that every time he looked at the stars, he could see her face in them.

He cut his call before anyone picked up.

“Just what Pacey-“ Jen prodded him, and he realised he had been silent for a while now. He could tell Jen some of these things. It wouldn’t be like telling her; but he could really use a friendly ear and a pat on his back right now. Besides, she was her best friend.

“I just got lucky, Jen. It is just surreal how things here have worked out for me, Jen. I didn’t expect anything when I came here. It was like, like I finally caught a break, you know.” His voice wavered a little, his throat constricted in the wave of emotions. “Pacey Witter finally caught a fucking break.”

Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. If she believed in God, she would thank him for finally giving him a break. There was no one else she knew who deserved it more. “Yeah, you did.” She whispered mostly to herself.

A single tear leaked out of his eye and he laughed at the absurdity of crying over this. Words started tumbling out of his mouth, as he started to give her the summary of how he ended up here. “I was used to rejection everywhere I went looking for a job those first two weeks. No restaurant or marina, factory, or a construction site wanted to hire a scrawny seventeen-year-old, you know. I was losing my nerves; questioning my mental stability as to why I thought a loser like me could survive on his own, make it in a city like this.” Pacey didn’t want to think about those dark days and the very disturbing thoughts he would have, laying alone in the dark cabin of his boat. He shook his head as if to ward of those thoughts and continued.

“So, I was wandering through the city that day, returning to the ‘True Love’ in the evening, resigned to the fact that I was never gonna find a job here. I was at this fairly empty road crossing, and once it gave a ‘Walk’ signal, I started crossing it. There was this lady, much shorter than me and probably in her late fifties, walking ahead of me. Suddenly, a speeding car came from our right side. It was swinging wildly from side to side, on an almost empty road, and it was clear that the driver was drunk behind the wheels. The lady in front of me kind of froze in her place and I reacted on instinct. I pushed her out of the path of car while jumping ahead myself to avoid getting hit. I was fast enough to push her out to safety but the car hit my trailing leg when I was mid-air, almost out of its path, but not quiet.”

“Pacey, what the hell?” Jen shrieked in the receiver. “Are you okay?”

He could hear her distress clearly, and he rushed over to assure her of his health. “I am perfectly fine, Jen. Like I said, I was almost out. The hit on my trailing leg made me spin, and I landed sideways on the road. The car wheezed past my body and the back wheels of the car missed my head by a few inches.”

“Oh my God!”, Her voice was down to whispers now and it was clear to Pacey that she was sobbing.

“I am okay, Jen, really.” He put on his most convincing tone. “Aside from a fractured foot and a few scratches on my elbows and sides, I suffered no real damage from the accident. I had to use a crutch for a week while my foot was plastered and that’s it. I was good as new within a week. Please don’t worry much about it.”

There was a silence for a few seconds on the call and Pacey could hear her controlling her sobbing and trying to get a grip on her emotions. Then she started yelling.

“Pacey, you fucking idiot. Why would you jump in front of a speeding car to save some stranger?” She was yelling by now. He expected that kind of response. That’s why he didn’t tell Doug.

“Well…” He didn’t know why either. It was just a pure instinct. He was not someone who watched by while people get hurt. He was not someone who waxed lyrical about things, analysing the accident once it was over. He was someone who took action. His ‘Act first, think later’ strategy; never worked for him in the reality though; and what happened with Joey was a stellar example of it. But he would rather act, than regret. This was who he was. Take it or leave it. Well people mostly left him, but that is neither here nor there.

“Well, what, you moron?” seemingly still angry on the other side.

“I didn’t think much at that time, Jen.” He tried to make her understand. “I just saw an old lady about to get hit by a car, and I jumped. I was not gonna watch standing idly by side, only worrying about me selfishly. And I promise I am dandy as candy.” Probably an injection of a little humor will assure her of his wellness.

“Because that’s not who you are.” Jen mumbled back after a few seconds of silence, indicating the temper was in control now.

“Yeah.” She did understand him.

“I knew your fucking hero complex and an asshole urgency to become someone’s knight in shining armour was going to bite you in the ass one day.” She spat back, but there was a teasing undertone to it.

“Haha, Blondie. You know me so well.” He readjusted himself on the bed.

“Well anyhow, I am glad you are still alive and kicking, Witter. Otherwise, I would have to come down there and kill you.”

“How were you going to kill me if I wasn’t alive?” He couldn’t help himself.

“You piece of shit, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do.” He said sincerely. “I am sorry; and thanks for caring Jen but I am really okay.” He added an afterthought. “And thanks for finally relaxing enough not to kill me.”

“Oh, don’t worry Witter, you are not off the hook. But I assure you, I won’t be killing you; I am pretty calm and a rational person.”

“Sure”, he snorted.

“And I don’t have to bloody my hands either. Wait till I tell Joey. She is gonna haul your ass down in the streets of Miami and kick you shitless for your idiotic stunt.” The girl already had formed an evil plan in her mind.

“She can’t know this, Lindley.” Pacey almost growled. He ran a hand through his hair, then over his face and continued.  “PLEASE!! No one can know this. Promise me Jen, no one knows about this, this little accident, if you even want to call it an accident.”

“But Pacey, what is the problem in-“

“NO, Jen. Please, promise me you are not going to tell her. I don’t want to drag her in this. I am trying to move on Jen.” He interrupted her.

The pleading tone in his interruption, a broken heart behind this silent begging made Jen weak. “Okay Pacey, I will not tell her. I won’t tell anyone. Just once more for peace of my mind, tell me the truth about how are you? How is your foot?”

“I am really fine Jen. It wasn’t even a week after that accident that I was able to work a full shift in the restaurant. I am perfectly fine.” He told her as calmly as humanly possible.

“Okay!” Jen acquiesced to his reassurance about his health. “But wait, when did you get the job? And what about that lady you saved?”

Pacey grinned at that. What happened after the accident was life altering for him. The jump, probably a stupid thing to do if one were to think pragmatically, also opened a lot of doors for him, in other senses.

“Her name was Lillian Baker. As I suspected, she is in her late 50s and apart from a few scratches, she was perfectly fine. Actually, she was the one who took me to the hospital. After a medical check-up, some wound dressing, and plastering of the foot, I was released. She stayed with me the whole time. When I told her I had to get back on a boat I lived on, she practically dragged me to her bungalow. I instantly realised from the size of the bungalow that she was really wealthy. But that wasn’t what impressed me the most. She is the kindest, nicest, sincerest person I ever met in my life, Jen.” His voice was down to whispers now.  “She is so amazing. She kept apologising to me the whole night for the accident, even when it wasn’t her fault, and kept checking up on me every few minutes. When we got to her home, she made a dinner for us and we talked while we ate. She told me how she lived alone, her husband and son both served in the United States Marine Corps. She told me, with an unmistakable pride in her voice, but also with an undertone of a grief, that both her husband and son sacrificed their lives for the country. Her husband died some seventeen years ago and her son followed five years ago. She told me her life wasn’t worth wasting on, especially by someone so young and vibrant like me.”

Jen listened aptly, in admiration about the woman she had never met and instantly felt happy that Pacey had met her.

Pacey cleared his throat and continued, “You know who she reminded me of, Jen?”

“Who?”

“Lillian Potter.”

“Joey’s mom?”

“Yeah. I had never met a more caring person than Joey’s mom until that day. I mean, they are polar opposites in their appearances. Lillian Baker had a short stature, her hair blonde and hints of southern accent creeping in and out of her dialogues. But her care for a stranger like me, was nothing I ever experienced. When I told her that I was running from the home, she didn’t ask me any reasons or justifications. She didn’t plead or threaten to call the police at the shock of seventeen-year-old running away. She actually insisted on me leaving in the otherwise empty bungalow until I found a job and then a place to live. She refused to let me sleep on a boat.”

“She sounds amazing.” Her voice was full of admiration.

“She is. Then, the next morning, I decided to pay her back in some way for her kindness. I cooked her a huge breakfast, after wobbling on the crutches in her kitchen for an hour, trying to find the required ingredients in the unfamiliar place. And she was so impressed by my cooking that she offered me a job as a cook in her restaurant right there at the dining table. I almost threw my breakfast out right there on the table.”

“Her restaurant?” She ignored my little freakout, thankfully.

“Yeah, the source of her wealth I told you about. Her family owns one of the most famous restaurant chains in Florida – the Versailles Restaurant. And although I was reluctant at first, afraid that I wouldn’t cut in for the real world; that my cooking skills were nothing to write home about – she talked me into starting as a prep cook, a week after the accident, so I was fully healed by that time. She told me that I can learn on the job. And that she would promote me whenever I felt confident in my abilities.”

“Wow, Pace!” She replied, clearly surprised by this turn of events.

“Exactly my reaction, Lindley. I couldn’t believe my luck either. I told her that it was too much. I didn’t save her life because I wanted a job or something. But she put her foot down. She told me to suck up and take the job. She jokingly threatened me to call my family if I refused her. She even told me that she would give me the salary lower than the busboys if I was afraid that she was being charitable.”

“Yeah, of course your male ego would kick in at times like this.” Jen said in a mocking tone.

“Not about the ego, Jen. But all my life, no one has ever done something like this for me. I am not used to this level of kindness and love. I am generally used to being on the ‘giving end of these kinds of gestures, you know; not on the receiving end.”

“I am familiar with this particular fault of yours.” She drawled in a subdued tone now, remembering the time when he held her close and cheered her up after the Miss Windjammer contest last year; when she was miserable after witnessing the first of many Dawson-Joey reunions on the docks. So, she had been on the receiving end of his kindness once or twice. “Continue.”

“So, what else, I have to take the job; you have no idea how convincing Lily can get. But I also put down a condition that I should be able to help more than one shift whenever possible, no extra pay, and I would clean around the house too. You know, making breakfast, mowing the lawn, cleaning gutters and all that; I asked her to let me earn my keep here.”

“I take it she said Yes?”

“Yeah, she accepted it when she realised I wasn’t going to back down. She used to call a helper agency on a contract basis to do these things for her. But now, she allows me to work around the house as long as I don’t burn myself out.” He said on the release of his breath. That negotiating breakfast was one of the most surprising, life-altering moment of his life. He would remember that conversation for the rest of his life.

“Yeah, Pacey, please take care of yourself. Don’t burn yourself out in the misguided notion that you have to prove something to someone in your life.” She knew she had hit the nail regarding this habit of his.

“I will, Lindley.” He knew her to be perceptive, but how she knew that he had this urge to prove himself to people now he finally caught a break, he would never know. But that was just how their Jen was. So, he continued, “You take care of yourself too; and of Jack and Grams;” he paused for a moment, gulping the swell of something in her throat before adding, “And her too.”

“I will try”, she said chuckling.

Air around them, even with sixteen hundred miles between them, was thick with the emotions behind these statements.

Jen broke the silence. “So that’s what you have been busy doing for the past two months now?”

“Yeah. And it has been an amazing experience, Jen. I have got so many stories to tell you.”

“I would really like to listen too;” she said in a regretful voice, “but Grams has been yelling at me to go to sleep so she can attend the Sunday mass tomorrow without falling asleep in the middle of her prayers for some time now.” Regret was unmistakable in her voice.

“Yeah, it’s really late now.” He said after looking at the bedside clock, rubbing his eyes. He too had to wake up early tomorrow for his lunch shift and do some much needed work around the house before that.

“Will you please call me? Or at least pick it up when I call you next time?” Her voice was shaking, and Pacey felt a need to apologise for hurting her one more time.

“Of course, Lindley. And I am sorry for this. For everything. For leaving without saying goodbye and not keeping in contact. I just-“

“Had to clear your heads and everything. And I told you I get it. I do. But just-“ there was still a sliver of sadness laced around her tone. “Please know that there are people here that love you. And care about you.”

“I know that Lindley. I love you guys too. Please tell everyone I am sorry.” He replied in a morose tone. The implication behind ‘everyone’ was clear. He meant her. And Jen picked up on that easily.

Silence fell around them for few seconds, letting them digest the heap of new information about each other’s lives they shared today.

“She will come around Pace. One day, she will realise the force of her love for you. She is just confused now and working through it.”

“How can you be so sure about all of that?”

“Because how can she not? I remember how you used to look at her. You used to look at her the way all women want to be looked at by a man.” She whispered dreamily.

Pacey was silent for a while. Then, “I call bull shit Lindley.” He started laughing, and she joined him too. “That is a rip-off from The Great Gatsby.”

“Wait, you have read it?” She asked, surprised; once she controlled her laughter.

“Just because my knowledge of literature stopped at learning the alphabets in the kindergarten, doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy reading books for myself every now and then. No need to act so surprised.” He replied, feigning hurt.

“I wasn’t implying that…. I didn’t mean that…” She was stuttering and Pacey couldn’t help bursting another crackle at her nervous tone. She realised he was just yanking her chain and joined in the laughter again.

“Asshole!! I am ending the call right now.”

“Bye Lindley.”

“Bye Pace.”

And with a click, she was gone, and the room fell into silence again. He felt good after talking to her. Even though is cut into his already precarious sleep schedule, it was nice to talk to someone back there, telling them about his current life. He put the receiver in its place and placed the book on the nightstand too. Slowly, the day’s exhaustion took a toll on him and he drifted into a peaceful slumber.

Wishing one more time, that when he wakes up tomorrow, hers wouldn’t be the first face that comes into his mind.

Chapter Text

Slanted rays of the first sunlight sneaked through the gaps in the drapes, falling directly on his eyelids, each in their own mission to wake him up first. He could feel the red glow behind his closed lids, indicating the heat they were bringing with them. The universe was not even subtle in dropping hints that Pacey Witter was not allowed to have a few hours of morning beauty sleep. The whirring of the fan above his head followed the rays, like the sound wasn't there at all during the last night; only waiting for the signal from the universe, in a bid to overthrow his dream kingdom. They all conspired against him. He didn’t need an alarm clock to remind him he had the breakfast shift today. It meant he had to be at the restaurant sharply at 7 am. And although, Danny, the head chef, wasn’t going to saunter in like a king of the establishment any time before 10, he didn’t want to be at the end of his ire over his tardiness again any time soon. He was asked to help Garry for the breakfast shift on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and he had to go. Besides, the old man was a blast to work with. But even the thought of working with the ever jubilant, worm catching early bird Garry was not enough for him to get up from this comfy bed and join the real world so soon in the morning. He has never been a morning person. There, he admitted it. Pacey Witter wasn’t a morning person. It was a fact of life. Truth of the universe. Newton’s fifth law of motion.

But he has been waking up for the same shift for almost two months now. He remembered the first few days being painful. Even with all the alarms he had set, he had had a hard time breaking his habit. He was even late for a couple of days. Then Lily started sneaking into his room, few minutes before his alarm, with a cup of black coffee to wake him up. He still remembers the first day when she came. The bitter aroma of freshly grounded coffee entered his nostrils and his eyelids magically opened a little bit for him to peek through the slits. And there she sat, on the edge of the bed, near his head, carding her hand through his curls. He felt like his heart was in his throat, overwhelmed by the love shown by this stranger. The gentle touch of her fingers wiping all his worries and fears from his heart. A warmth spread through his body at the simplest of gestures. She had told him the stories, during all their nightly talks under the stars – about how Jeff wanted to go running every morning, to keep himself in shape; apparently to impress his newfound crush in high school. Lily didn’t like the source of motivation, but was glad about the healthy habit he was trying to pick up. But much like him, as she told, he was lazy as a sloth. So, she would wake up before him and bring him the coffee in bed. And for a moment, Pacey felt like this had always been his life. Like he had been the one living his life like Jeff. That his mom, too, was climbing the stairs every morning to bring him a cup of coffee, to wake him up for school. He felt that the warmth that spread through her hand in his hair, reaching directly to his heart, had always been there. But then he realised, he didn’t even know what the words ‘love of a mother’ meant. What ‘love of parents’ means. He was so starved of this love. He was so hungry for this love. He didn’t know whether to yell at that imaginary God, asking him what exactly had he done that he was stripped of this amazing, selfless love all his childhood and adult life; Or to thank him for bringing him to this amazing woman, loving him like he had always been in her life, sitting beside him, making him feel like he meant something to her. That he wasn’t the worthless, town screw-up, loser he was labelled as…..

She continued this ritual until one day he decided to turn the tables on her, waiting in the kitchen with already filtered coffee, waking up even before she did. He was admittedly, hungry for love. But he was not the person to take love like this for granted either. He knew its value. So, when one day, Lily had been out late with Mr. McGinn and her bridge club, and slept beyond her normal waking time; and he had finally broken his habit of sleeping through alarm clocks; he decided to bring the coffee to her bed then. And ended up making the whole breakfast before she came waddling into the kitchen. She was so pleasantly surprised, a proud smile lighting her whole face, that Pacey felt like this was the first time in his life, he had made an adult figure proud of him. And that too, over a simple freaking breakfast on a mundane Monday morning. He was simultaneously hit with the waves of happiness from making her smile and a painful memory of years ago when he tried to make breakfast for his family; when he started the fire, killing their family dog and earning a lifelong stamp of ‘black sheep of the family’. Loser spelled in black marker ink itched across his forehead forever. And then she hugged him. And his heart could not process the contrast between these moments. His brain was overloading the release of dopamine in his blood stream and his heart was pumping it all over his body. He felt warm all over.

Were mothers always supposed to behave like this? Did such a simple and sweet gesture from their sons was supposed to make them proud? Pacey would never know. What he did know that people like Lily rarely exist in this world. And if he could, and if she would let him, he would like to take care of her for the rest of his life as a way of repaying her for the incredible love she continued to shower on a stranger like him.

He opened his eyes and realised the soft shawl draped over him, his book neatly placed on the dresser again. His clothes and laundry basket disappeared from the room. And he realised Lily had been here last night, always checking up on him. Always looking out for him. Checking if the smile had left his face, even for a minute, as if her heart hurt at the thought of him hurting. Which was probably true. He smiled at the thought and started preparing for yet another long shift at the restaurant.

After going through his morning routine and feeding Lily a healthy dose of caffeine to ward off her hangover; making sure she would be fine on her own for the rest of the day; he made a beeline towards the restaurant. A laborious 25-minute walk under the still rising and blazing sun of late August Miami made him sticky, sweaty, and out of breath as he walked through the doors, five minutes before the shift started; only to find the ever-enthusiastic Gary already nursing a coffee and starting the preparation. Donning his baseball cap along with the rest of the attire in the changing room, he quickly followed him into the kitchen. The breakfast rush was intense on this particular day; but his ongoing banter and jokes with Gary; and the personal joy he received from adding his own touches to the now perfectly practised breakfast menu – like adding cinnamon sugar instead of the regular one on the waffles or adding a dash of paprika on the omelettes for those who like it spicy - made his shift much more enjoyable. Before he even looked up at the clock, it was already 11 am, announcing the end of this shift.  He had half an hour of break before he again had to follow Danny around the kitchen on the lunch shift; but this time it was much more about learning from him than doing the grunt work. Of course, there was always the grunt work of prepping, and Danny left no stone unturned in his vigorous training of the young chef in making. But Pacey respected the hell out of Danny and followed his every word like a gospel.

Danny Bretcher, in his mid-30s, was almost as tall as Pacey, thinning black hair over his head; and a stocky body, a trademark of the culinary industry; and a face stretched with lines of old age every time he smiled. He originally hailed from a small town near Wilmington, North Carolina. He was married and had a kid. According to the legend, Danny made his way from a busboy to the head chef of a restaurant back in Wilmington, within three years, before leaving it for sunny Florida. There was no doubt about his talent when it came to the kitchen. That’s why Lily didn’t hesitate to hire him all those years ago. Danny had such an easy-going aura around him otherwise; he was funny, always laughing and making people laugh; and overall charming outside the kitchen. But in the kitchen, he was as strict as the head chefs in the busiest restaurants in Miami came. He was amazingly talented and added his own taste to all the special dishes of the restaurant that made it as famous as it was. He had been working here for almost a decade and took Pacey under his wing as soon as Lily told him all about the accident and his supposedly ‘heroic’ act. He often told Pacey that he saw himself in him. That he was not that different from him at his age. That Pacey had a natural talent for this craft. Pacey mostly ignored this high-praise, not used to being on the receiving end of it; but also not really believing it either. But the root of hope was taking place in the deepest part of his heart. The part that said he can still be successful, and have an amazing career like Danny. He kept that part to himself, though.

On the days of his breakfast shift, he would also do the lunch shift. On the other days, he would work both lunch and dinner shifts. He even came for a dinner shift on Sundays. He was working through the whole week, trying to earn his keep; but also eager to learn everything there was to learn about cooking and managing a restaurant. He knew he was trying to bite off more than he could chew. He did realised that he was taking upon a lot of work, more than 70 hours a week, which left him always tired, especially during the second shifts of the day; and most of his work required his highest concentration, lest a knife slip through his hand in the middle of chopping and damage his finger or fingers. That could be the end of his brief interlude in the culinary world. But that wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen. Worse than it would be, that he would screw up a dish, the order of which had been pending for a while already, and damage the reputation of this fine establishment. The reputation that Danny and Lily had spent lifetime building. He was afraid of letting Danny down. He was terrified of betraying the trust and love Lily had placed in him. Continued to put it in him every day. Winds of fears were never far away, always around the corner. And they were strong, sometimes whipping across his face and slapping him on the cheeks with enough force to knock him down. Whenever he made a mistake in prepping, the winds were ready to swallow him whole. But if the month spent in the middle of violent sea waves, his jerry-built boat dancing to the tunes of raging Westerlies and still coming through the other end safe and sound; and the abusive lifetime before that month, had taught him anything – that one didn’t choose their battles. They could only choose if they would fight or run away from it. And he can’t keep running away. He used his wild card once. He ran away once. ONCE. But never again. This was it for him. He will not move. Not unless it helped him move his career and life on a better path. It was another vow he had made to himself in his first week on the job. He didn’t know much about the matters of the heart. But Pacey Witter was not going to accept defeat without fighting in all other matters of life. He was going to fight hard and he was going to fight smart. He was going to believe in himself.

And he was going to make Lily proud of him.

And he was determined to win.

And with this very thought, he would manage to work those crazy work hours.

And that’s how it went.

“Hey Witter, guess what I did last night?” a voice bellowed from behind the lockers as he was getting changed to leave after the dinner shift. It was Thursday night, the last week of August, and temperatures had finally started to take pity on the residents of Miami. He still shouldn’t put on his ‘special’ jacket though. Didn’t he decide to move on?

“What did you do, Drue?” He replied with as much enthusiasm as he could manage in his voice. Drue Valentine, has somehow become his only friend here at the restaurant. It’s not like he had many options. Drue was his age, dropped out of high school and subsequently labelled a ‘loser’ by his own family. He worked as a waiter in dinner shifts. Danny really had a knack for finding and trying to save teenagers that society had already given up on. But that’s where his similarities with Drue end. Drue was, for lack of better term, a typical horny teenager that was tired of everyone’s opinion of him. He had a tendency of getting himself into difficult situations and viewed the entire female population as objects of gratification. And although Pacey did not approve of this side of him, he had seen his softer underbelly; signs of the nice guy once there was before everyone decided he was a screw-up and then he tried his damnedest to live up to that title. He was familiar with this trajectory. And another thing, for reasons beyond Pacey’s understanding, Drue was determined to make a friend out of Pacey. After initially resisting his attempts, Pacey finally acquiesced. Not like he had many options there; he had left his own friend circle back in Capeside. So, he reluctantly became part of Drue’s established friend circle, occasionally stopping for a beer after work.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Sometimes he reminded him of Dawson, always trying to build up a drama where there is none.

“I will if you tell me within the next minute.” Pacey’s muffled voice came through the shirt he was pulling over his head.

“I finally got my white whale, Dude. I won the bet.” Drue said in a mischievous tone while leaning against the row of lockers.

“What are you going on about?” Pacey was almost sure it pertained to something about a girl.

“I laid down Karen the Waitress, man. You know, only the hottest girl in the restaurant.” He announced it proudly. “And then I gathered my winnings from the bet we had going amongst us waiters.”

Pacey could only roll his eyes. “Congratulations, Valentine! I am sure she must be feeling like the luckiest girl in the universe today.” He scoffed at his way.

“Damn right she would!” Drue, either didn’t catch his sarcastic tone or chose to ignore it and high-fived a locker room, metal sounds echoing through the empty changing room.

“Of course, only if she even remembers anything from the last night, through her massive hangover.” Pacey continued, knowing Drue’s usual modus operandi to get into pants of the girls.

“Hey, she was the one who agreed to start drinking yesterday. I just didn’t stop her. And anyway, why are you questioning my methods, man? Are you jealous that I got the girl?” He was quick to defend himself, just as Pacey expected.

“Yeah, I am really jealous, Drue. I should admit, you da man!” Pacey raised his hand, mockingly saluting him.

“Mock me all you want, Witter. At least I am not the one moping around for a girl who made him leave his hometown, his life, for the past few months."

Why on earth did he tell Drue Valentine of all people, about his failed romance. Stupid stupid alcohol.

He finished getting ready and moved towards the exit.

“Well congratulations, man. I would celebrate your glorious achievement but I gotta leave if I want to make the deadline, so adios!!” Pacey injected as much zeal he could in his response. 

“You are leaving? You are not waiting for just one pint, man?” Drue asked dejectedly.

“Sorry Drue, gotta make the dinner. I will see you later.” He started walking towards the doors.

“Yeah, see ya man. And say hi to Lily for me.”

He knew that if Drue Valentine respected one person in his life, it would be Lily. So, he looked over his shoulder and nodded his head before leaving the changing room.

He was looking at the floor as he walked through the main dining room, not wanting anyone to catch him at the end of his shift. He wasn’t really in the mood for idle chit chat while being so tired. He was almost at the main doors when he heard someone calling his name from behind. He turned to locate the source of the sound; it came from behind the bar rail. When he discovered the owner of the voice, he couldn’t stop the smile that materialized on his tired face and his feet automatically started moving towards the bar top.

“Hey Junior, just hop on this side and fetch me that bottle on the top shelf, will you.” She asked in her British accent, which sounded way more sexy than it had any right to be. Cleaning up the shot glasses with a rag in her hand, she pointed towards the bottle she needed.

“You do realise the irony in your statement, right?” He replied as he hopped on the bar top and stood on his toes to fetch the said bottle.

“You do realise your height doesn’t erase the fact that I am older than you, right?” She was quick with her retort, as always.

“And still, you always need my help to keep yourself your mean of sustenance.”

“Hardly. I was gonna ask Drue; but then I heard about the disgusting bet you guys made about Karen, and really, what the fuck is wrong with you guys?” She put the glasses on the rail and asked him exasperatedly.

“Hey look, Emma, I didn’t know anything about that bet till yesterday, and I didn’t even know he was going to do anything about it.” He folded his arms on his chest and put on his best convincing expression.

Her features softened. “Yeah, I guess you are telling the truth. Because I've seen Karen throw herself at you enough times in the last month, and you gently letting her down each time, to believe you might not be involved in that disgusting pool the waiters had going on.” She said in a softer voice.

“Thank you.” Pacey released the breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. Then, “Is that jealousy I am sensing there, Em?” He asked teasingly.

“Hardly Witter. As I said, you will always be my junior.” She snapped back and went on with her cleaning work.

“Yeah well, don’t call me next time you need my help.” He hopped again over the top and started walking backwards towards the doors. “If that’s everything, I gotta run, I am already late.”

“Yeah, thanks.” She looked at him and smiled her genuine smile. “And just…” she hesitated before carrying on in a gentle voice, “Just be careful crossing the road.” And then, in a mocking tone, she continued, “And although it is my dream to see you flipping pancakes while balancing yourself on your crutches in the kitchen, we can save that for my next birthday present.”

“Very funny, Em. I will be careful. See ya later.” He chuckled at her changing tones and her genuine concern for him since she heard about the accident; and walked towards the doors.

“See ya.” He heard her call behind him.

He quickly exited the restaurant and began his long trek back home.

Emma Jones…. She worked as a bartender five nights a week at the restaurant. And, as she liked to remind him every moment, was two years older than him. Hardly. She actually hailed from Middlesbrough, England, but moved to States to live with her aunt; after a family crisis. Hence the accent. She would start college at the University of Miami next week, studying music. Music was her true passion. She was also the leader of her own all-girl band, Hell's Bells, and played the drums. Pacey hadn’t seen her perform live yet, despite many of her invitations. He would have gone, but really didn’t have time for the finer things in life right now, with so much riding on his job. But he knew she would be talented, he just knew.

Emma was almost a foot shorter than him. The brunette had several highlighted red streaks in her shoulder length hair. And Pacey was positive that she was the most beautiful woman in any room she walked into. She was so so beautiful. Every time she laughed, a dimple would shape her left cheek, and he swore it was wide enough to swallow a whole quarter. But that was not it. She was also very smart and matched him wit for wit. She was feisty and put boys like Drue in their place. She was always a bit sceptical and wasn’t easily fooled; she had a sharp tongue to rival a certain brunette from Capeside. They had this banter and bickering thing down to T over the past two months they had known each other. And Pacey felt sometimes their banter morphed itself into flirting. If he were to believe Drue, Emma liked him but wanted him to ask her out. Although you can hardly believe Drue, of all people. But that was a moot point anyway. Because his heart was not his to give away. And that wouldn’t be fair to Emma. He had himself seen the end results of loving someone whose heart was not theirs to give. His splintered persona was the end result. And he wasn’t going to do that to her. Or anyone else. So, he wasn’t interested in dating business again. At least not right now. He was still putting the pieces of his broken heart together, and sometimes he thought, he would never be able to retrieve every piece he lost last year; and a few more he lost in the Atlantic on his way over here; and a few more he lost amongst the stars on the canvas of the night sky; where he could still see her smile.

If only his heart was free of its erstwhile owner, a certain brunette sitting sixteen hundred miles away……..

Another thirty minutes of the gruesome trek and he finally turned onto the destination street. Even in the night-time, the air was sticky and humid and sucked a whole lot of energy out of him. He was desperately waiting for the September showers, which were only a few days away if he were to believe the forecast. He opened the gates and walked up the driveway. He heard the murmurs of the conversation by the big entrance and saw a vehicle that eerily looked like a Wagoneer he used to commandeer back in Capeside; the one he used to ‘borrow’ from his father. He saw Lily waving her arms and animatedly talking to two girls and a boy, their backs towards him, in the flickering dim of porch lights. He really should replace the bulbs on the porch, he mentally added to his to do list. He couldn’t make out who they were but could see Lily’s face light up as soon as her gaze landed on him. She smiled her beautiful smile as he neared the group and pointed her chin towards him while saying, “Guys, look who finally decided to grace us with his presence.”

“You son of a bitch…” Pacey heard the words before he processed them, as the tall boy turned around, the flickering bulb behind him making it hard for Pacey to make out his face. He could only see the guy winding up his right hook one second and found himself falling on the floor the next, before he even had time to register the fact that someone had just taken a swing at him.

With a thud, Pacey fell on the porch floor.

Chapter Text

With a thud, Pacey fell on the porch floor.

He had his eyes closed on the impact, but he could still hear voices around him.

“Oh my God……” came a familiar shriek.

“Pacey, are you okay?” in the same voice.

And then, “What the hell is wrong with you, Jack?”

After what felt like an hour but could have only been seconds in reality, Pacey gingerly opened his eyes, still lying flat on the porch floor. Heavy lids parted and Jack came into his view. He finally noticed a wisp of familiar blonde hair on his left side, someone kneeling on the floor. Andie’s face was a cocktail of emotions – fear and concern, moroseness and exhilaration. With a twinge of perkiness, always there below the surface, threatening to bubble out of her.

“Pacey, are you okay?” She repeated her earlier question, her eyes flickering between a concerned look at him and shooting daggers at Jack. He simply nodded.

He suddenly heard giggles from the other side. Apparently, someone was taking perverse pleasure in his situation. Who else but Jen Lindley to complete the three musketeers. He narrowed his eyes on her.

Jack put forth a hand for him. “Witter, you got weak in Miami.”

He grabbed it and pushed himself to stand, anything to speed up this humiliation.

“Yeah? Well, this wasn’t exactly the reunion I was preparing myself for.” He brushed the back of his pants. “You couldn’t just say hello, could you?”

“Nah….” Jack shrugged and then, “Didn’t have quite the emotional impact I was hoping to land on. After the shit you pulled this summer, don’t you think you got off easy with just one punch?” His voice was teasing, but Pacey could feel the layer of hurt beneath it, radiating towards him through their still joined hands. He felt immensely guilty at hurting these people he called friends, the only family he had in Capeside; with his decisions. Jack was right. He did get off easy if the punch was the end of it. He pulled him in with his hand in a man hug, both patting each other’s backs.

“Then rest assured, the porch floor really conveyed the impact you were going for.”

Pacey could see on his face that Jack was winding up another retort when suddenly he was pushed aside and a foot-shorter blonde figure on his right jumped into his arms, laughing when he stumbled back in surprise, still reeling from Jack’s punch. Her grip was fierce, her legs going around his waist in a vice-like grip. But the smile on her face before it was buried in his neck was worth another fall on the floor. He didn’t, though.

“God, I missed you.” She sighed in his neck.

“I missed you too, Lindley.” He smiled in her mussed up golden threads.

“If Jack gets a punch, you owe me a lot of kicking and screaming, you know that right, Pace?” She pulled back to look at his face, her voice indignant.

“Tell me the day and time; and my face, along with other body parts, is at your service, sweetie.” He replied with a wink.

She laughed and pushed on his shoulder, finally unfastening her legs, loosening her grip on him and landing on the floor. He then turned to Andie and read the hesitation on her face. She clearly wanted a hug but was concerned about the etiquette that exists between the exes. He simply laughed at her confusion and took her in his arms, her hands tight around his waist; and for a brief moment, he was back in his sophomore year, hugging her; trying to protect her from Tim's ghost; trying to protect her from the entire world. His futile attempt at being her hero. He shook his head to ward off these memories. He was nobody’s hero.

He was a coward.

He was a runner.

And he was a really, really selfish person, especially when it came to his friends.

“It’s good to see you, Mcphee.” He smiled down at her.

“It’s good to see you too, Witter.” Her whole face lit up at the sight of his smiling face.

“And although I do not condone the violence Jack has just purported, I agree with the sentiment behind it. You just left, Pacey. Without a word, you just left. Why did you leave?” She choked out the last sentence and was now on the verge of tears; and Pacey knew that she and Jack deserved an explanation. Only Jen knew everything, and it was clear that she did not spill the beans. She told him a while ago, it was his secret to tell and promised her silence on the subject of his flight from Capeside. The time to come clean was rapidly approaching. But he was not ready for this conversation. He was not ready to disclose his reasons for leaving, nor was he ready to reveal his true feelings. He was a coward, that much was established.

He looked around, his gaze finally landing on Lily, pleading with her silently to change the subject.

She got the hint. The way she could read his eyes so quickly, from the short time they had known each other, should be surprising.

He was not surprised.

“Okay kiddies,” she rubbed her hands together and said in a cheerful voice, “you can have all your fights and apologies after dinner. Get inside the house and get settled in. You must be tired.” She looked at him and said, “Pacey, can you show them the guest rooms while I put on some plates in the kitchen?” He nodded at her request, and with that, she went inside, undoubtedly expecting them to follow her.

He turned to Andie and said, in a voice small but clear, so they all heard it, “I cannot describe how sorry I am for the way I left. And while it’s true that I had my reasons; and I never meant to hurt anyone; And the cowardly act of running was more out of self-preservation than anything; and I probably could make long list of similar excuses for my flight.” He sighed and looked down. “But the simple fact is I did hurt all of you. And I owe you all some kind of explanation for that. But can we…..” he took a deep breath and continued,  “Can we do this later?” He looked at the car which he was now sure was the ‘Witter Wagoneer’, and said with raised brows, “I am pretty sure you guys must have had a long drive and I just finished a double shift at the restaurant. We all could use some sleep before Jack throws another punch at me.” As if a bulb went off in his head, he asked, “You all are planning on staying the night, right?”

“Yeah, we kinda have to.” Jen replied sheepishly, “And not just this night but the next one too. Our flight out of here is on Saturday, and we really don’t have any money left to spend on hotels. Is that okay?” She asked timidly, her eyes cast down.

“Of course, you can.” He smiled his reassuring smile at her. “But what are you all doing here? And if you have booked flights, what is going to happen to the Wagoneer? You didn’t borrow it from my father like I used to do, right? Because grand theft auto is punishable in every state. You can’t just run here and avoid the cops, especially when the car belongs to a cop. And what about school?” He was about to continue his barrage of questions when Jack raised his hands.

“Ho, ho, slow down. We’ve got a few things to tell you, too. But can we eat first, I am really, really hungry.” He rubbed his hands on his stomach and threw pitiful eyes around the group.

Pacey chuckled at his own rambling train of questions, "Yeah, okay. Let me show you the guest rooms. And then you can get freshened up and we can all eat. And then we can continue this twenty-question game.” He pointed behind their backs at the door.

Jen linked her arms through his and dragged him inside, “We can always play the game of truth and truth?” She was grinning at her own ingenuity.

Pacey looked down at her quizzically and just raised his eyebrows, as if to say, Explain, blondie.

“Truth and truth.” She repeated as if it’s the most played game in the world. “The way I see it, you’ve got some explaining to do. And then we’ve got some explaining to do. What better way to play the rounds of truth and truth.” She continued with a glint of something in her eyes. “And yes, if we can find some alcohol in this majestic bungalow of yours..”

“It’s not mine.” He insisted.

“in this bungalow you are living in” Jen amended the statement and continued, “I know for a fact that alcohol makes people honest and gives them a courage to discuss what I am pretty sure are embarrassing expositions.” She finished with a silent “duh” expression on her face.

He just laughed and dragged them all to the first floor to show them their bedrooms.

Later, during the dinner, he was carpet bombed with surprises after surprises. Jen revealed that she has been in cohort with Lily this whole time, since their call on Sunday night. She called home the next day, while he was at the restaurant, and asked Lily for permission to visit him and surprise him. They also revealed that they plan to spend two days in Miami before their eventual flight to Boston on Saturday evening. School would start Monday, and this way they would have a whole day to prepare for the Armageddon that was their senior year. It didn’t take them half an hour to fall in love with Lily, and he didn’t expect anything else.

And then they all ganged up on him – a retelling of Pacey’s amusing stories from his days back in good ol’ Capeside. All his embarrassing moments, from how he landed in detention at the start of sophomore year to his supposedly ‘heroic act’ of spitting in the face of teacher when the said teacher harassed Jack, were served with a spicy flavour. Pacey felt like he was a guest on a ‘Celebrity Roast’. His only saving grace was, they didn’t know that Lily already knew most of these stories, at least from his point of view. They had talked for hours on the roof, under the stars, telling each other of their past lives. She never judged him. She was never disappointed in him. If anything, she told him on several occasions how proud of him she was. It was a really novel experience for Pacey.

She still put on a surprising face and laughed with them. She enjoyed Pacey’s embarrassment with them and even contributed a joke or two in the middle. The conversation seamlessly transitioned from Pacey’s embarrassing stories in Capeside to Pacey’s embarrassing stories in Florida. Lily told them about his attempts at gardening and the spectacular situational comedy it resulted in. She also told everyone about his amusing attempts at building a dresser for her. Everyone at the table was in a jovial mood. That’s why, when Andie finally asked the awkward question, about why Lily took Pacey in or why specifically him; it didn’t dampen her spirits or Pacey’s either. She regaled them with the story of Pacey saving her life – which according to Pacey, she made way too much dramatic and heroized him in a way that was not at all true; which in turn made him self-conscious.

How many times did he have to tell people that he had just acted on his instincts that evening? He was nobody’s hero; just ask Andie, he thought ruefully. He tried to be her hero, but failed so miserably that she had to go to the institution to get better. He failed her; and can he honestly then fault her for seeking comfort in someone else’s arms? So, he tried to put a damper on Lily’s stories, interjecting them with well-practiced self-deprecating humour. But if the looks on the faces of Jack and Andie; even Jen, who already knew the story, were anything to go by, they were seeing him in this new light, their admiring gazes flickering between him and Lily. He could take Lily praising him. She was always trying to build his self-confidence. She even told him so. She was hellbent on making him believe in himself. And for the most part, he was fairly used to it. But he couldn’t possibly take any more of the commending looks from his friends, so he quickly changed the subject from his graceful dance in front of car to how Jen was the leader of the school’s cheerleading team last year, and then a different round of jokes and laughter exploded around the table. Jen eyed him warily, as if to tell him she knew why he was doing this, but joined in the laughter regardless; even opened up the subject of Jack being a football jock, which obviously became a new target for their jokes. Everyone got roasted that night.

No one uttered the names of either Joey or Dawson. Or, for that matter, of any Potters or Leerys.

After dinner, Lily pulled him aside.

“I really like them, Pace.” She was washing the plates; he was drying them while others were getting ready for bed.

“Yeah.” He replied wistfully, looking down at the plate he was drying. “They are the best friends a guy could ask for.”

“It must have been hard to walk away from all of that.” Her tone was low but understanding.

“It was.”

“I know what you are doing.” She gave him a side-eye. “I know you are blaming yourself for leaving them without any notice.”

“Shouldn’t I though?” He asked in a dejected tone.

“No, you shouldn’t.” Came her firm response. “You didn’t set out to hurt them, Pace. You just tried to save yourself. It is okay to be selfish once in a while. That doesn’t make you a bad person. You don’t have to always act like a grown-up. You are just a teenager, Pacey.” She placed an extra emphasis on the last sentence and left no place for him to argue back.

“I guess so.” He acquiesced, ruefully. “But they at least deserved a chance to say goodbye, didn’t they? They at least deserve a justification from me.”

“Maybe they did.” Lily continued handing him a plate after plate to dry. “But that’s why they are here. And this is your chance. Let the apology come from your heart and they will understand.”

“Thanks Lil.” He finally looked at her face and gave a small smile.

Closing the tap and wiping her hands, she punctuated with a wink, “Besides, if you hadn’t left, you wouldn’t have met me. And not meeting me, it really would have been the greatest loss in your life.”

This time, his laugh was genuine. “You are right. It would have been a great loss.”

“See.” She flashed him her megawatt grin. “So just go upstairs and talk to them. You will be fine.”

He started to protest, there were still a few chores left in the kitchen. But she just snatched the rag towel from him shoved him out of the kitchen towards the stairs.

“I will manage this, just go and talk to them.” With a hearty laugh at her bossiness, he left the kitchen. It was time to face the music.

Pacey quickly climbed the stairs and went to check on Jen’s room, which she was sharing with Jack. The door was ajar and their bags sat at the foot of their beds, but they were nowhere to be seen. He went to check on Andie’s room next door, but it was empty as well. Then he heard the faint noises coming from the ‘entertainment room’, and he made a beeline for it. Surprisingly, he found them all in there. Jack was checking out the paintings on the walls and papier-mâché craft models on the wall shelves underneath them, his mouth hanging open in awe of art. Andie was busy perusing through the five shelves of books on the right wall, her expression giddy like a five-year-old finding a secret stash of toys. While Jen was busy trying to figure out how to start the computer and having no luck with it. Pacey cleared his throat to announce his presence. They all looked up at him, bashfully. Pacey just grinned at them.

“Pacey, this room is so amazing….This villa is so amazing.” Andie was ecstatic about the number and variety of books she discovered on the shelves, and it was clear in her voice. 

“Yeah, Pacey. I think I gotta stick around Miami looking for the damsels in distress to save. Seriously, life couldn’t get better than this.” Jack replied, his back still turned to them, his eyes never leaving the paintings.

Andie put down the books and walked towards him. “And you even got a job, found your passion in life. I am so proud of you Pacey.” She threw her arms around him, Pacey returned her hug and replied in a choked voice, “It’s honestly nothing, Andie. I just got lucky.”

“No”, she took a step back to look directly into his eyes. “You did not get lucky. You earned this. You have always worked hard; you just finally got a break to show your hard work.” Now she was waving her arms to prove a point. “You know, I always tried to push you towards academic excellence. I tried to project my goals onto you. Here, Lily was talking about this amazing talent you have for cooking and there, I was pushing you to practise trigonometry.” She chuckled at this, but there was no humour behind it. “And I am sorry, I didn’t realise that school wasn’t for you. That school isn’t for everyone. You were always destined to be something else, Pacey Witter. You were always destined for greatness, that much I knew. But you were always destined to do it your own way; do it the Pacey Witter way.” She shook her head and continued in a thoughtful sombre voice, "Two words diverged in the woods, and you were always going to take the one less travelled by, and look at all the difference it made..”

Pacey hadn’t realised how much he needed to hear those words from someone. He hadn’t realised how much more they meant coming from Andie. He couldn’t resist pulling her into his arms again.

“Thank you so much, Mcphee.” He whispered in her blonde locks.

Suddenly, two different sets of hands wrapped themselves around him and Andie from opposite sides.

“We want in too.” “We want in too.” Jack and Jen joined in the hug. Pacey could only laugh at their antics.

“Jackers?”

“Yeah?”

“Now life couldn’t get better.”

“Oh, but it can.” They finally broke the group hug, and Jen mischievously smiled at them. She went to the desk where the computer sat and opened the drawers.

“Look what I found.” She raised her arms and had a smug look on her face at her discovery. And, of course, the smugness was warranted. She had two bottles of Merlot in her hands.

“They must be Lily’s when she comes here to read.” Pacey replied. “I don’t think they are for our consumption, Jen.”

“Oh, come on, Pace,” she chastised him. “where’s your sense of adventure? And Lily is so much like Grams, all talk and no bite. She wouldn’t mind us having a few sips of her wine.”

“And she loves you, Pacey. She is not going to get mad at you. It’s physically impossible for her to get mad at you.” Jack chipped in.

Pacey still wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. “But at least let me ask her about it. She might even say yes.”

“But what’s the fun in that,” came in Jen’s snotty reply. “Come on, Pacey, it’s just a few sips. It will help immensely in our Truth or Truth game.” An impish sparkle lit her eyes.

Pacey was about to protest even more when, to his and their surprise, Andie spoke up, “It’s just a few sips, Pacey. What’s the harm in that? We haven’t seen you in 3 months. Doesn’t this reunion warrant a little celebration, with a tiny amount of alcohol?” And as if her persuasion needed a visual aid, she put her forefinger and thumb together to emphasise ‘tiny’.

"Exactly," Jen said brightly, as if she had just turned Luke Skywalker to fight for the empire.

Pacey finally gave in. “Okay, but after we are finished, we are all straight going to bed. No other activities while we are drunk.” He gave them all a stern look and left the room to find some paper cups in his room.

An hour later, they were already halfway through their second bottle of red wine and had discussed everything under the sun. They had asked each other of their childhood crushes to their biggest pet peeves. They had asked each other about their most embarrassing moments to their happiest ones. About which Hollywood celebrity they would rather sleep with. Yet no one was ready to ask Pacey the question they all had been dying to ask. The question Andie had asked him on the porch. Pacey was tired of playing on the defensive, so he changed his tactics and went on the offensive.

It turned out to be a blunder.

“Jackers, truth or truth?” Pacey looked at Jack, who was lying across the sofa, his head in Jen’s lap.

“Truth.” He replied thoughtfully. And then, “This is a really stupid game, I got no options.”

Pacey chuckled and asked him a question that he was sure would take everyone’s mind off of him. "Last time I heard, a fine young man named Ethan was courting you. Your first liaison while batting for the other team. How goes it, buddy?” Pacey was really excited about the answer.

Jack’s face fell at Pacey’s question, and he instantly knew he had made a blunder. Jen’s hesitant nod confirmed as much. Seeing the blood rush out of the poor guy’s face, Pacey hastily attempted a cover up, “Sorry Jack, you don’t have to talk about it-“

“No, it’s okay.” Jack cut in, “If I can’t talk about it, how would I ever get over it, right?” He finally looked up and the hurt Pacey saw in his eyes eerily reminded him of the countless times he would look into the mirror on the True Love. He knew a heartbreak when he saw one. Then he considered what he said, that one has to talk about it; it was the only way one could get over it. That was pretty sound advice. And for the thousandth time, Pacey considered talking with his friends about his own heartbreak. He too, wanted to get over it.

“That was a very Jen-like thing to say, Jack. Is she rubbing off on you?”, Pacey looked at Jen, only to see her full bright smile looking back.

“Hey,” Jack whisper-yelled and started pointing fingers at Pacey, which only landed somewhere between him and Andie; “I take grave offense at your fairly incorrect assessment.” Corner of his lips lifted a bit, and Pacey was glad his distraction worked. “Do you guys ever think that it’s maybe me that is rubbing off on her? That I am the fountain of wisdom in our group?”

“In your dreams, baby,” Jen planted a smacking kiss on his cheek. This bantering made the tense atmosphere a bit lighter. And Pacey finally dared to venture further.

“What happened, Jack?” He asked seriously.

Jack finally sat up on the sofa and rubbed his face with his hand. “Life, I guess. On Mitch and Gail’s wedding day, Jen decided that I should tell him about my feelings.” Jen looked down guiltily, but Jack didn’t look at her. “He was about to leave for Boston via train. We all got into my car and chased him down to the station. I went up to him and kissed him. Told him, that I really liked him. He told me he already had a boyfriend. He thought it was just a harmless flirting with me. I was just a way of passing time for him.” Jack was shaking his head now, his voice getting bitter, “He apparently thought I was not gay enough and he wanted to bring out my gayness into the open. He even had a gall to suggest, that even though he rejected me, it was because of him that I had gathered enough courage to kiss a guy.” He was silent for a second before he started again. “I sometimes ask myself this question, that why me? Why always me? Why couldn’t I have a normal life where a family member doesn’t die in a car crash?”

Pacey could see Jack was hurting and it was all bottled up. It was all starting to come out. He stole a quick but reassuring glance at Andie, trying to prepare her for what’s to come. Jack was still on a rampage now, “Why can’t I have a mother who was sane? A sister who wasn’t depressed? family members I have to take care of because my dad valued his business over his family. Why can’t I have a father who would see, for once in his life, that both his children are so much in pain? Why can’t I just like girls? Why do I have to like guys? This revelation that I am gay has only made my life more painful, and I didn’t think it was even possible.” Jack was laughing now, but it was the emptiest laugh Pacey had ever heard in his life. “I mean, what a cruel joke. For the first time in my life, I acted on my true feelings. My first kiss with a boy and I got rejected. Not only rejected, but pushed away, humiliated. My first kiss with a boy was with someone didn’t even want to kiss me. Why it’s always me?” Pacey couldn’t take more of seeing him in so much pain. Just as Jack was about to continue his self-disparaging tirade, Pacey stood up on his knees, grabbed Jack’s face and kissed him squarely on his mouth.

A gasp from two female voices echoed in the room.

Jack was too stunned to respond for a few seconds, but when he felt Pacey moving his lips over his, he responded eagerly. After a few seconds, Pacey held his face and pulled back a little; and whispered against his lips, “Then forget about that kiss and remember this as your first kiss with a guy, okay? And I promise you, the moment I have even a shred of doubt about my sexuality, even a smidge of attraction towards my own gender, I am coming for you, Jackers.” Pacey chuckled and sat back; observing a bright red Jack looking down. He continued bashfully, showing no remorse for his actions seconds ago, because he had none, “You are a great guy, Jack, the best I know. And any guy would be lucky to have one. But the thing about life is, it sucks. It sucks on one side and down the other. It will test you; it will toss you in all directions, but you gotta hold onto your confidence like you hold onto the helm. You gotta hold onto your friends like a you grip a halyard. That’s what being at sea taught me.” Pacey exhaled a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. “We are young and stupid. And we will make many mistakes. And we will learn from it and then we will make different mistakes. And even though me being sixteen hundred miles away doesn’t convey it, I am always here for you, Jack. Whenever you want to talk, whatever you want.” He looked into his eyes to convince him the truth behind his statement and finally saw him nodding. He then turned to Jen and Andie, both of whom still had their mouths hanging open, as if it was the hottest guy on guy action they had seen, “That goes for you too – Jen and Andie.”

They finally shook the spell and nodded at him.

Uncomfortable silence shrouded the room as each of them tried to process what had just happened when Pacey decided it was time to move on.

He asked as nonchalantly as he could, “Okay Lindley, truth or truth?”

He sat back on the floor, and rested his head on the sofa cushions.

“Umm, let me think”, Jen made a show of thinking from where she sat on the sofa. “Truth.”

“Whose idea was it to come here?” He asked the first question he could think of, already knowing the answer.

“Mine.” Jen lifted her chin and said hauntingly. “After your call on Sunday, I really, really wanted to see you. Especially after you told me you weren’t going to come back.”

Pacey looked at her wide-eyed, trying to gauge Jack and Andie’s reaction to this news. He was surprise to find no surprise on their faces.

Jen continued in a soft voice. “I know it was your truth to tell Pacey. But you not coming back”, she said, shaking her head, “that much I had to tell them. If only to convince them to come with me. To come with me for a guy they both were fairly mad at, need I remind you; Actually, we all were pretty mad at, for leaving us; so, we can drag you kicking and screaming back to Capeside.” She showed no remorse for her actions.

Pacey could only nod at her reasoning. Time to come clean was really closing up on him.

But Jen continued, “Also, this is the last week of summer break. And we were really really bored at home, what with the whole ‘redesigning of the house project’ Grams had undertaken and Andie’s constant badgering to do all the summer reading-”

“Hey,” Andie interrupted indignantly.

Jen continued, as if she wasn’t interrupted at all, “I just knew we needed a road trip. We needed to get out of that god-forsaken town. So, when I heard you weren’t coming back, all of my interests aligned.”

“Why drive the Witter Wagoneer?” He enquired further.

“Nuh huh.” Andie was really drunk by this point. “You had your turn to ask. You asked Jack and then Jen too. Now it’s my turn.” Andie took a deep breath and Pacey knew what was coming. “Why did you leave, Pacey?”

Pacey released a long breath. He still wasn’t ready to tell the whole truth. But he might be able to tell them half the truth. The courage for partial truth was all he had. For hundredth time this evening, he realised how absolutely coward he was.

“Umm.” He cleared his throat, words clogging it in their haste to escape. “Well, there were many reasons. But the most important one was that I couldn’t take one more second of living near my family. You all know how my family can be. I was tired of getting put down by them. I was tired of their insults and their wounding words. I was tired of the ‘emotional abuse’ I was going through all these years.” He was felt ashamed of telling this half-truth. But he continued nonetheless, “I couldn’t take more. And I always wanted to get out of Capeside. The town, which had already bestowed upon me titles like a clown, a loser, a future gas station employee, and the most likely to end up in prison. And when ‘True Love’ was completed, I finally got my way out. I couldn’t take more, guys. I am so sorry for leaving like that, but I just couldn’t take more.” A lone tear left his eye, and he quickly wiped it away.

Jen started rubbing his back with a knowing look in her eyes. He knew she did believe his family to be a part of the reason for his departure. But she also knew it wasn’t the whole reason. Because his family had always been like this, since his childhood. So much so that Pacey was used to it. She knew what was the trigger for his departure. But she didn’t question him any further. She just looked at him and rubbed his back.

“I am sorry, Pacey.” Andie was trying hard to make out the sentence through her drunken haze. “I knew things were bad at your home, but I didn’t know they were this bad. I should have known.” She was now looking down, trying to remember their time together for any clues she missed about his treatment by his family.

“It’s okay, Andie.” Pacey took her hand and squeezed gently. “I hid it pretty well. Let’s move on to fun topics.” He forced a cheerful voice. “What were you guys thinking of driving the Wagoneer all this way?”

Finally, Jack spoke, still lying at the foot of sofa, “Oh, that is a fun topic. When Doug got to know about our plans to visit you-“

“Why would Doug know about any of this?” He looked at Jen pointedly.

“Come on Pacey. Of course, I had to tell Doug. He was the one who gave me your phone number, remember?” Jen didn’t back down from his stare.

“Still, why?”

“Because we all have to go back, Pace. And Doug would know if we visited you, if we were out of town for 4 days. He would just know. And then we'd have to deal with him for the rest of the year before we could leave Capeside.”

“Exactly,” Jack said in a loud voice, apparently still having difficulty keeping track of the conversation.

“And when I told Doug I was planning to visit you, he told me that your parents had given him the old Wagoneer, since your dad had bought a new car and all. But he already had his squad car, which was enough for him. He had also heard from one of your monthly calls, that it’s a long trek from where you live to where you work. So, he thought Wagoneer would be more helpful for you than him. So, we are really here on an official business of delivering this vehicle to you.” This time Jen looked at him pointedly, before continuing, “He was really worried about you. And wanted to help you. You will hear all about his reasons in your next monthly call, I’m sure. So, he offered the car and we couldn’t resist the road trip.”

“And it was so fun Pacey, it was so so fun.” Andie chipped in happily.

“Okay.” Pacey looked warily at their faces. “I am still processing Doug being so generous to me and whether or not I am ready to accept his generosity. And I will call him tomorrow about it.” He rubbed his chin. “But the plane tickets, they must have cost a fortune, guys. You really didn’t need to do this. I am really not leaving this place and coming back to Capeside.”

“Don’t worry about the tickets.” Jack waved his arms awkwardly between them. “My holier than thou father has had an attack of conscience at the start of the summer. Something happened at work, and now he is apparently a changed man. He apologised profusely for all for the problems he caused during my coming out and wanted to redeem himself as a loving parent. And when Andie asked him for the tickets, citing her last summer wasn’t fun for her being in the institution and all, he eagerly jumped at the chance of winning some ‘good dad’ brownie points.” Jack chuckled dryly. “Personally, I still think it’s all a farce. He definitely wants something from me or Andie.” -------

“Come on, Jack, that is not true. He really is trying.” Andie scolded him. Looking at Pacey, she continued, “He is really trying to change from the last year, Pacey.”

Pacey could only nod while Jack snorted at her statement; but Jen interrupted before the siblings could start another fight. “So yeah, that’s how we planned this trip, in a nutshell.”

“So, it’s my turn to ask Pacey something, right?” Jack, too, was ready to move on from the unpleasant conversation topic that was his dad.

“Hey, it’s not fair.” Pacey protested weakly. “It’s not a let’s gang up on Pacey game. You gotta ask for the Truth from others as well.”

“Okay, you are off the hook, for this turn.” Jack turned to Jen and Pacey feared that it was another question that he had dreaded the whole evening. A question he was dying to hear the answer to, but was also fearful of the answer.

“Jen! See, you were on the invitations and preparation duty, Andie was on Grams and tickets duty, I was on the supplies.” He looked at Pacey, then stared down at Andie, and continued, “Apparently someone decided to plan every minute detail of the road trip, assigning tasks and distributing work so the trip goes smoothly,” air quoting around the word smoothly.

“Of course, silly me for not wanting to get deserted somewhere on the I-95 just because we forgot to fuel up the tank or go hungry all the trip because someone forgot to bring the snacks.” Andie retorted sarcastically, folding her hands and staring at Jack. Jen was trying to hold her laughter and Pacey was left to do the refereeing this time.

“That’s the whole fun of a road trip.” Jack threw his arms up in the air. “The unpredictability and the unforeseen problems that we resolve with instant solutions and move on undeterred.”

Andie was getting ready to yell when Pacey grabbed her hand and quickly asked Jack, in a calming voice, “Let’s move on. You were asking Jen something, right?”

“Yeah.” Jack gave a final dirty look at Andie, which was returned with the same amount of disgust, if not more, by her, and turned to Jen. “So, you said you invited Joey and Dawson too. But apart from them saying no, you never elaborated on it.” Jack raised his brows at her. “You did tell them that if it was about tickets, my dear father was going to pay for all of us?”

“Of course, I told them about the tickets.” Jen was looking down, and Pacey was sure it was for his benefit and not others.

“So why would they refuse to come? I mean, it’s not like they can’t take a few days off from work, right? I mean, they both work at Leery’s fresh fish, it’s a family business.” Jack chuckled at his own joke.

Jen was still trying hard to not look at Pacey. “They were just busy.” She gave an evasive answer.

But Jack wasn’t backing down. “Come on Jen, they are not like that, certainly not Joey. We all know how close Joey and Pacey got last year.” At that, he briefly looked at Pacey and then said, “She certainly would have wanted to visit him, right?”

Jen finally looked into Pacey’s eyes and decided to bite the bullet. “Well Jack, she didn’t come because she was mad at Pacey. I mean, she was furious. She didn’t want to visit someone who didn’t want her near him. She didn’t want to talk to someone who took off without so much as a goodbye. She didn’t even hear me out before taking off. That topic was closed for her.” She took a deep breath. “If you were mad enough to punch him for his stunt, and I am mad enough to still want to knee him in the groin," I believe she has the right to be upset about the departure of her best friend, a friend who had been there for her for the past year and even before that. A friend who didn’t take her feelings into account while deciding that going away was best for him.”

Jen didn’t miss Pacey’s wince at her last statement. She knew she was kind of being unfair, but she wanted him to come back to Capeside with them and her good cop routine was simply not working.

But Pacey didn’t say another word. He just kept quiet and looked forlornly at the walls behind her, a pained expression itched on his face and Jen could hear the sound of his heart shattering across the sofa.

Jack decided to rescue the situation, in his own Jack-like manner, which generally made the situation worse. “What about Dawson?”

It was Jen’s turn to wince. She didn’t want to tell Pacey that she never asked Dawson.

But Andie decided it was her time to chip in. “Oh, we went to Dawson’s house on Tuesday itself, the very next day our plan was formed. Tell him Jen.” She looked at Jen expectantly.

Jen just shook her head. She wanted to bolt from this conversation. They shouldn’t have started this stupid game to begin with. Honesty and alcohol-induced loose tongue was always the worst combination, when was she going to learn that. But Andie didn’t see her expression and started telling them about their trip to Leery House.

“We went by to Dawson’s house. After Joey had blown off Jen earlier in the school, we hoped that Dawson could convince her to come. We were just about to knock on the door of Dawson’s bedroom when we heard some noises from the room.” Andie started to giggle at this. Jen didn’t dare look at Pacey. Pacey kept looking at the walls while Jack finally caught up.

“Noises huh? Were they busy watching a movie or busy doing the other thing they have been doing all summer?” Jack asked in a scandalous tone.

“From all the moaning and grunting we heard through the door, it was definitely the other thing.” Andie laughed again before continuing, “Because I am pretty sure there is no female character moaning ‘Oh My God’ in E.T., right?” This time, Jack joined her in her laughter.

Neither of them noticed Jen still looking down, twiddling her thumbs in her lap or Pacey silently looking at the walls. He looked calm on the outside. But inside, his heart was shattered into a million pieces and his lungs were contracting by the minute. He was having trouble breathing and having his emotions under control. He had a sudden urge to yell at someone, punch someone, or break something to get away from this feeling of utter devastation that was consuming him whole. He felt like someone was squeezing his guts and the bile was slowly making its way to his mouth.  The room was closing in on him, walls travelling towards him to box him and suffocate him, slowly but steadily. He couldn’t sit still. He started fidgeting, and his façade of external serenity was slipping away. He has to leave this room. Preferably at this instant.

But neither Jack nor Andie had noticed.

“Seriously, what is up with them?” Jack asked through his laughter. “I used to think they were the two most prudish people in the town of Capeside.”

“And now they are acting like they are not just having sex, but they are inventing it. Remember the smug looks they gave us when we not-so-subtly asked if they were having sex, while we were watching fireworks on the beach on the Fourth of July?

"Yeah, I remember," Jack replied, still chuckling. "Well, I, for one, am glad that they both aren’t making a big deal out of sex. We all know how Dawson can be when it comes to sex. I mean, the soulmates finally did the deed. I was pretty sure sex would mess up their relationship, though. They both had built up to it so much that it was a guarantee to be either completely disillusioning, leading to an immediate break up or”

“The slug fest we witnessed the whole summer?” Andie injected, still laughing.

“Exactly.”

Pacey finally gathered enough courage to stand up. Without wasting a second, he grabbed onto his stomach and turned towards the door; yelling an excuse over his shoulder, “Sorry guys, I think wine isn’t agreeing with my stomach.” And as soon as he was out of the door, he ran down the stairs towards the bathroom.

When Pacey stood up, Jen finally lifted her head to look at him. She only got a glimpse of his face before he turned towards the door; but the amount of pain she saw on his face for that flitting second told her that he would need her tonight. She never knew a heartbreak could be this painful. He needed her tonight, and she was planning on being there for him.

As Andie stood up to follow Pacey and check up on him, Jen grabbed her arm. “Andie, I will go check on him. I was heading towards the bathroom anyway. And we all should call it a night; don’t you think, guys?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Andie kept looking at the door. When she looked back at Jen, she asked the question Jack was thinking too, “What was that?”

Jen knew they both were starting to suspect there was more to Pacey’s outburst than just the upset stomach. She wanted to steer them away, if not for Pacey’s sake, then for her. “I am pretty sure he worked two continuous shifts at the restaurant today, Andie. That’s probably 12-14 hours of work. He must be tired and we kept him up till”, she looked up at the clock on the wall, “past midnight. I think we all could use a good night’s sleep. He will be okay, don’t worry about him. I will see you guys tomorrow.”

And with that Jen was out of the room to find Pacey.