Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

anon user 1 added xx people to the chat

anon user 1 change their name to Connie

Connie name the chat help plz

anon user 2

it is two fucking am this better be important

Connie

guys

can someone let me in the dorms

guys i locked myself out

forgor my key

anon user 3 

imagine getting locked out before the school year officially starts 💀

Connie

omg shut up you neighing asshole

anon user 5

connie you are going to tell me you didnt wake me up because you added everyone you know to a gc to ask to get let into the BOYS dorm

girls. to get into the boys dorm

Connie 

um

shit

my bad annie

anon user 2

annie?

anon user 4

as your acquaintance i beg you please think about things for more than two seconds before you do them

Connie

no

HOLY SHIT

anon user 4

wait what?

Connie

guys i think theres a ghost

i saw a white figure

only for a second tho

anon user 2

I think thats annie 

i saw her leave our dorm

Connie

oh 

FUCK FUCK FJCBKDKF

HELO

SOS

wow shes rlly fast

PLWSEAW

INMTOO PRERT TO DWE

anon user 2

annie is just girlbossing

dont stop her

or ur sexist

anon user 3 

who even r u 

I dont have your contact

anon user 2

wow sexist much

anon user 3

HUH??@&^@&(@&??@@*(

DO YOU EVEN HAVE ME??e#@o

anon user 2

no lol

I dont have a lot of these contacts actually 

anon user 4

I have a few from orientation, thats it

I’m marco!

anon user 4 changed their name to Marco

anon user 3

who

anon user 2

he just said his fucking name are you stupid

also hey im hitch ;)

anon user 3

tf kind of name is that

Marco changed anon user 2’s name to Hitch

Marco

how are you guys arguing you just met

also connie are you okay?

Connie

i am sofucking scared rn

annie has been staring at me for the past two minutes 

i think i pissed my pants

deadass

Hitch

ew tmi

also i’d like to hear YOUR name huh 🤨

anon user 3

its jean

NOT like the pants it's zh-awn kinda

Hitch

like john

Hitch changed anon user 3’s name to John

John

NO

Marco changed John’s name to Jean

Marco

hi jean! i believe we have a few classes together actually

we should all go to sleep

if not for our sakes, for our roommates

Jean

speaking of which

connie how are your pants

Connie

bro fucking niagara falls up in here

Jean

idk why i even asked

Marco

Is annie still there? 

Connie

shes leaving thank god

im gonna have nightmares fr

WAIT

Jean

oh god what

Connie

i still need into the dorm

Jean

im going to fucking sleep

Hitch

same

Marco

i guess i can help connie

Connie

I LOVE YOU MARCO

youre all fake friends except marco

Hitch

dont really know him like that to be offended

Connie

omg guys maybe we can use this gc for homework help

hello?

okay tough crowd

Jean

go to bed

. 

anon user 6

what the fuck

anon user 6 changed their name to Ymir

anon user 7

oh

Ymir

problem?

anon user 7

no i just

i think i know you kinda

Ymir

word?

anon user 7 

you are the “fat fucking lesbian” right? from orientation?

Ymir

fuck ya

you?

anon user 7

um

Ymir

what

anon user 7

bertholdt 

Ymir

that. certainly is a name

wait

arent you that one really fucking tall kid who hung out with the big brawny himbo guy?

anon user changed their name to Bertholdt

Bertholdt

yea…?

himbo?

Ymir

said what i said

i dont get how you wear sweaters all the time tho its hot as balls esp with the dumb uniform

Bertholdt 

idk theyre comfy

i have to get ready

bye

Ymir

booooooo

alr who else is here

anon user 8 

hi!!!!!!!

Ymir

ah yea

i totally know you, anon user 8

😐

anon user 8

so mean T-T

im sasha!!!!!!!!

anon user 8 changed their name to Sasha

Ymir 

thats familiar

what room are you?

Sasha

1043 :D 

Ymir

i knew it

1045! are you the brunette?

Sasha

YESSS I AM!!!

WE SHOULD GET BREAKFAST TOGETHER

Ymir

alr but we are waiting for historia

Sasha

historia??

Ymir

my roommate

and girlfriend <3333

so if any of you touch her ill kill you <333333

Sasha

OMG CUTEEEE

and scary D:

i knew she had a girlfriend but i didnt know it was you!!

Ymir

wait you know her?

Sasha

ya i met her yesterday!

weird that i havent seen u

Ymir

school just started

idk how connie even got enough numbers at orientation alone to add them all to this gc

anon user 9

jesus christ this is what gave me my notifications??

Sasha

sorryyyyyyyy

Ymir

i am not sorry

anon user 10 

well arent you nice

Ymir

reiner. 

Sasha

wha

is that actually him

anon user 10

how the fuck did you

Ymir

could smell your cologne

anon user 10

its a phone?????

are you stalking me

also who are you

Ymir

why would i spend my time on that

Ymir change anon user 10’s name to Weiner

Weiner

fuck you

how do you change the names

guys

Bertholdt changed Weiner’s name to Reiner

Reiner

bertholdt youre a life saver

Ymir

thought you had to get ready??

Bertholdt

reiner and i are roommates 

so

Ymir

thoughts and prayers bitch!

anon user 11 

ymir i thought we agreed no being mean to people until i have coffee

Ymir

HISTORIA

sorry shawty bae <3

anon user 11 changed their name to Historia

Historia

its ok <3

Reiner

oh hey historia

Historia

hey reiner!

Ymir

explodes you with my mind

Reiner

what

Historia

YMIR

does it look like i have coffee in my hand

Ymir

fine

Jean

now that its not late i just wanna say

fat chance this is going to be used for homework help

Sasha

.

what homework

Ymir

PLEASE LMAOOOOO

Sasha

GUYS THIS IS A /SRS MOMENT WHAT HOMEOWKR

anon user 9

like you can talk horseboy

Jean

OI FUCK YOU

YOURE FUCKING EREN ARENT YOU

IT IS I CAN SEE YOU LAUGHING

anon user 12 changed anon user 9’s name to Eren

anon user 12 changed their name to Mikasa

Jean

oh hey mikasa

Mikasa

eren if you dont hurry tf up armin and i are ditching your ass for breakfast

Eren

WHAT

NO

IM HURRYING

armin wouldnt ditch me

Mikasa sent an attachment

Eren

GOD FUCK OK OK

IM GOING 

Ymir

slay on getting ignored jean

Jean

fuck u

Marco

what room are you? we can walk together if youd like

Jean

yes actually

1048

Marco

wait

youre the really loud room

Sasha

huh????

Marco

omg arguing loud get your mind out of the gutter

Jean

oh

are we that loud?

Marco

um

Reiner

yes

Jean

fuck my bad

eren is just a piece of shit

Eren

FUCK OFF

Marco

yea my roommate is good friends with yours so hes kinda concerned

anyway ill wait for you!

Jean

thanks

anon user 13

alright eren told me to say hi so

hi

i am concerned

anon user 13 changed their name to Armin

Connie

ARMINNNNN

WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT WHEN I NEEDED YOU MOST

I NEEDED HELP

Marco

well i feel appreciated

stayed up an hour and everything

Connie

wait no marco i appreciate u

Armin

i was… sleeping?

because i did remembered my key

Connie

</3

Ymir 

conmin breakup arc

jealous!marco 250k words slowburn strangers to friends to lovers

Reiner

was i supposed to understand that

Ymir

uncultured 

bertholdt you understand right

i know youre here

i have the feeling you understand

Bertholdt

uh

no comment

Armin

conmin???

thats an awful ship name

1/10

Ymir

would you prefer armnie

armonnie

conarm

WAIT conarm is kinda good

Connie

what is a ship name

Marco

oh god

Hitch

glad to see this descended into chaos while i was gone

n e ways what are your homeroomssss

i have levi ackerman

Connie

NO WAY me too

Ymir

same actually

Armin

me too???

Jean

same for marco and i

Hitch 

yall r shitting me

for real???

Reiner

bertl n i have him too

Historia

you guys will never guess my homeroom

Jean

how the fuck does everyone here have the same homeroom

Connie

I HAVE THE LUCK OF THE GODS

Sasha

oh god connie has an ego boost

Jean

everyone take cover

Connie

wow some friends smh

marco youre my new best friend

Marco

wha

Historia

so im guessing u guys knew each other beforehand?

Sasha

yea but no??? connie n i knew each other in middle school and we met jean over the summer

we decided hes the worst

we r now besties

Jean

when will the slander end

Hitch

never

so who all knows who already?

Marco

ummm

i knew ymir and historia

Historia

yes!!! we love marco

Ymir

hes ok

Marco

rude

Reiner

annie, bertl and i knew each other

Hitch

you guys knew annie?

Annie

pains in my ass

Reiner

we get along great

Bertholdt

annie kicks u on the regular

Reiner

WE GET ALONG GREAT

Bertholdt 

ok

Ymir

denial 🙏

Armin

eren mikasa and i are childhood friends lol

and eren and mikasa are siblings!

Mikasa

adoptive siblings

Eren

why do you feel the need to specify

Mikasa

i dont want people to think im biologically related to your father

Ymir

HELPJADJA

Historia

relatable 

Reiner

yall have dads? #deadbeat

Jean

relatable

Ymir

yall have alive biological parents lol

Mikasa

relatable

Annie

relatable

Connie

are yall OKAY?????

Hitch

clearly fucking not

Marco 

why is everyone traumadumping

isnt it a little early in the friendship for this

Hitch

not if ur gay

Marco

true

Hitch

omg youre gay??

Marco 

yea

Hitch

connie im stealing your best friend

Connie

FUCK OFF HES MINE

Sasha

wow are we chopped liver

Jean

smh

Armin

marcos getting passed around like a ragdoll 😭

Marco

im just trying to eat my croissant

and failing

because someone keeps stealing bits of it

Jean

whoever could that be

hm

i wonder

Sasha

THEY HAVE CROISSANTS

Ymir

she ran off 

praying for yall in the cafeteria

Connie

omg i just had an idea

Hitch

not sure if i like where this is going

Connie

wow

i was just gonna say we should add the rest of our homeroom when we meet them

Armin 

i like that!

itll be a nice place to help with classes if someone misses a class or just needs help

Connie

oh but when i say it… 

Eren

when have you ever needed help with any assignment armin

Armin

.

i was thinking abt others

Bertholdt

um

i hate to interrupt

but if you havent eaten yet you might want to

sasha is quite literally tearing the buffet apart

Reiner

i saw her unhinge her jaw like a snake

i can never unsee that

.

Connie added 4 people to the chat

Connie change anon user 13’s name to Marlowe

Connie change anon user 14’s name to Floch

Connie change anon user 15’s name to Mina

Connie change anon user 16’s name to Thomas 

Connie

homeroom assembled!!

Mina

hi!!!

Thomas 

hey

Connie

we should all do ice breakers

i dont know any tho

Hitch

you are so useless

everyone share a fun fact or something

Sasha

ME FIRST

ok hi hi!!!!!!!!!

im sasha annnnnnnd ive been the pie eating champion at my hometown for 3 years!

Thomas

oh wow

Mina

youre the potato girl

with shadis

Sasha

um 

yes

not my best moment

Connie 

ill go next

im connie (creator of the gc) and i choose to be bald its a lifestyle

before anyone asks

Ymir

this class sure has some interesting hairstyles 

Hitch 

speaking of

@ Marlowe you next bowl cut boy!

Marlowe

my name is right there

but okay

uh 

i have a hamster 

Hitch

WAIT YOU DO

SEND A PIC PLEASEPSALSLA

Marlowe sent an attachment 

Sasha

HES SO CUTE

Hitch

THEY LET YOU HAVE A PET HERE

Marlowe

as long as my roommate was ok with it yea

Floch

i am said roommate

hi 

floch (pronounced flock) and i like to disagree with people for fun

/hj

Ymir

felt 

also i am ymir and i am a fat fucking lesbian

Thomas 

are you the girl who shouted that at orientation omg 

Ymir

omg

my legacy

Historia

im so proud of u 

also before i forget my fun fact is that my dad doesn’t know i have access to his bank account 

Mina

PLEASE WHAT

Marlowe

IS THAT LEGAL????

Historia

prob not but hes a capitalistic asshole who didnt raise me so who cares

Marlowe 

fair

Mina

umm

i am mina!! and this is embarrassing but i collect stuffed animals 

Sasha

ITS NOT EMBARRASSING

AS HER ROOMMATE I SAY THEYRE CUTE AF

Mina

awww ty 

Thomas 

ig ill go

thomas, and i was able to afford coming here by selling some of my pokemon card collection

Connie

that is fucking amazing

Armin

YOU PLAY POKEMON

Thomas

YES 

Armin

MARCO WE HAVE ANOTHER ONE

Marco

nice!! :)

Thomas

i really dont trust that smile

Ymir

okay @everyone else speedrun fun facts

Armin

i once saw eren eat a rock with rage 

Marco

jesus christ

i keep plants

Jean

ok uhhh

i can make really good omelettes

Reiner

technically im an only child but i have a little cousin who i consider my sister

Mina

cute!!! whats her name?

Reiner

gabi 

@ Bertholdt go

Bertholdt

why do you do this to me

uhm

i uh

i sleep weird

Jean

tf does that mean

Connie

no time SPEEDRUN SPEEDRUN

Eren

i ate a rock once

Ymir

armin already said that

Eren

dammit

i stabbed a guy when i was 9

Ymir

WHAT

Floch

NINE??????

Historia

HOW DOES YOUR MIND GO FROM EATING A ROCK TO THAT

Marlowe

HOW MANY PEOPLE HERE ARE CRIMINALS

dont answer that

Eren

chill it was self defense 🙄

some guys were trying to kidnap mikasa

Reiner

THEY WERE TRYING TO WHAT

Hitch

what the fuck

Mikasa

you took my fun fact

um

eren gave me my scarf

Marco

im so sorry that happened

Mikasa

its whatever 

family bonding ig

Jean

armin how did you survive being friends with these two

Armin

barely

Connie

@ Annie GO GO GO

Bertholdt

you really have no self preservation

Connie

no sir!

Annie

whatever 

i like boxing

Connie

okay were all besties now

Ymir

sure buddy 

Connie

huh

what does that mean

Chapter Text

Ymir

do you think our homeroom teacher cries himself to sleep because he’s so short

I would

Connie

🧍

stands in I think we're the same height

Ymir

short and bald?

pick a struggle

Marco

why on earth are you wondering this at

11:56 pm

Ymir

what are you a cop

Marco

???

Sasha

does anyone wanna come with me to get snacks

Connie

ME

Ymir

connie you aren’t in the girl dorms

not saying Id stop you but

youd prob get caught

Connie

hm

that is true

but also

sasha you guys have choco tacos there right

Sasha

yes >:)

Connie

ok so im going

Marco

that is a bad idea

Ymir

can u do Instagram live

I wanna watch

Connie

ymir you are full of good ideas

Ymir

I know

wait whats ur insta

Connie

bigbootybaldman

Ymir

.

UR JOKING.

Sasha

he is not

I watched him make it

Marco

it’s a real account

public account

yea its connie

Ymir

no way you sat down and made a PUBLIC ACCOUNT with that user

follow me back tho

Connie

ofc ofc

.

Ymir

in case anyone was wondering, they got caught

Marco

of course they did

.

Jean

im going to smack my head against a fucking wall

why are they like this

Sasha

don’t blame me 😫

the love made me crazy 😜

Hitch

respectfully never speak again <3

Sasha

such a hater smh

bet you and annie’s dorm is just a hate house

Hitch

hell yea

its fucking awesome

Thomas

I think I saw shadis dragging connie off

did he survive

Sasha

idk

lol

Marco

RIP connie

I knew you for like three days but you were cool

Ymir

so can we call dibs on his stuff

I don’t think hed have a will

not fully convinced he knows how to write

Jean

if anything sasha and I get first dibs

Marco

guys I don’t think hes dead

Thomas

he could be

id believe shadis has killed before

Sasha

what if theyre having a bald party

Ymir

STOP LMAOOOO

Jean

what the hell

Armin

would anyone like to tell me why the school website posted a reminder that guys and girls can’t go into opposite gender dorms after curfew

Jean

yea sasha

tell us

Sasha

.

choco tacos

Eren

valid

choco tacos are really good

Armin

eren…

aren’t you lactose intolerant

Eren

yea??

its ice cream not lactose

Ymir

no

no fucking way

Marco

haha eren wheres the /j

Jean

how are you even alive

Armin

eren

plz tell me youre joking

Eren

what????

Sasha

idk I don’t get it either

Armin

@ Mikasa HOW LONG HAS EREN BEEN EATING THINGS WITH DAIRY

Mikasa

what

EREN I TOLD YOU TO STOP

Eren

WHY THE FUCK WOULD I STOP EATING ICE CREAM

I DON’T UNDERSTAND

Mikasa

ITS NOT GOOD FOR YOU LITERALLY

THERES VEGAN ICE CREAM

Eren

BUT THERES LESS FLAVORS THEN

WHY DOES IT MATTER

Mikasa

oh my god

im calling Carla

Eren

NO NONAODKAFKVKA

DO NOT

PLEASE

MIKASA WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS PLEASE

Marco

whos Carla?

Armin

their mom

Jean

is she a milf

Ymir

jean u are asking the right questions

Armin

I don’t feel like I should answer that for my safety

Eren

FUCK SHES CALLING ME

FUCK YOU MIKASA

Jean sent an attachment

Jean

mans going thru it

Eren

STOP TAKING PICTURES OF ME U CREEP

Sasha

cuz im a creeeep

im a weeiiiirddooooo

Ymir

whats it w/ u and lyrics

Sasha

haters

all of u

I thoughts this was a safe space smh

Mikasa

no one is safe

Sasha

what

.

Connie

I LIVED BITCHES

Annie

damn

Connie

u know what I am feeling very unloved

Jean

I love you connie

Connie

huh

Eren

did I read that shit right

Historia

@ Ymir JEANCON REAL

Armin

jeancon???

Historia

okay LOOK we cant do Jeannie bc that’s jean and annie

Annie

what

Armin

jeonnie

Historia

.

fuck youre good

Ymir

WHAT

Jean

NONOASNA

GUYS

MARCO TOOK MY PHONE

Marco

what?

I would never

😊

Jean

you fucker

Historia

jean its cool if you like connie

I don’t see the appeal but

Jean

I DON’T LIKE HIM

Marco

beeee who you areeeee

Ymir

for your priiIiiiIIdeeee

Connie

WOW HISTORIA

I SEE HOW IT IS

Historia

CHILL I DON’T LIKE MEN    

Connie

oh ok

Reiner

wait youre a lesbas

lsibean

lesbne

Annie

this is very embarrassing for u

Ymir

almost there buddy

Reiner

lesbbnf

girls

Ymir

yknow what I expected too much

good job

Historia

yes im a lesbian!

Reiner

oh

huh

Ymir

so hands off

Reiner

yea yea

so uh

sorry for flirting with you at orientation then

Eren

WHAT

Jean

NAW

Connie

shitting my pants

Marco

not now connie

Historia

its okay

you didn’t know

Ymir

strike one reiner

Reiner

what

Ymir

strike

one

Reiner

alrighty then

Connie

no one appreciates me

Eren

didn’t jean confess his love for you

Jean

I DID NOT

Connie

jean im sorry

I cant reciprocate </3

Historia

this is so sad

Sasha

jean youre tearing this friend group apart

Connie

were taking applications for a new third member of our party

Ymir

no one wants to babysit u guys <3

Connie

FINE nevermind then

.

Floch

has anyone questioned why our homeroom teacher and Mikasa have the same last name

Connie

wait fr

@ Mikasa ?

Mikasa

um

ackerman is a common last name

Bertholdt

its really not

Mikasa

shut up you vacuum

Bertholdt

oh

Reiner

its ok bertl youre a sexy vacuum

Bertholdt

what

Reiner

oops autocorrect

Annie

you and I know damn well that was not autocorrect

Floch

@Mikasa you dodged the question

Mikasa

uh

pass

Floch

what????

Connie

sussy Mikasa

Annie

fuck you for putting that on my phone screen

im taking a nap

Eren

you should just tell them

they’ll find out

Mikasa

eren you dumb fuck

Floch

so there is something??

Mikasa

hes like

my relative

we have no idea what kind so I just call him my uncle

Floch

how the hell don’t you know

Mikasa

uhm yes

anyway I see him like every other weekend

weird custody thing

Connie

zamn

anyone else got relatives we should know about

Eren

my older brother is the other homeroom teacher

Connie

WAIT DEADASS

Eren

yea

and levi hates him

its hilarious

Mikasa

its not

they fight every time you guys come over

Floch

like

physical fights

Eren

once they physically fought

levi’s uncle had to intervene

Reiner

your family scares me

Eren

fair

Mikasa

yea fair

we don’t allow non-family members at reunions anymore because of this

Eren

we brought armin once

Armin

never again

Connie

jfc what happened

Armin

never again

.

Connie

GUYS

GUYS

GUYS

Jean

my god what

Connie

SO MY ROOMMATE

I WAS TALKING TO HIM RIGHT

TRYING TO GET TO KNOW HIM BC HES IN THE OTHER HOMEROOM

I get the feeling he was annoyed </3 hell grow to love me tho

AND WE WERE IN THE KITCHEN RIGHT

AND HE WAS MAKING SOME PASTA

AND I WAS LIKE CAN I HAVE SOME

AND I TOOK SOME

Armin

did he even answer??

Connie

NOT IMPORTANT

GUYS THIS GUY IS LIKE FUCKING GORDON RAMSEY

IT WAS SO GOOD

almost creamed fr

Jean

DUDE

Mikasa

why did u feel the need to describe it like that

Sasha

your

your roommate

IS A FUCKING COOK

AND YOU KEPT THIS FROM ME???????

Connie

I JUST FOUND OUT

DON’T CASTRATE ME

Sasha

im coming over there

Connie

warning

I do not think he likes people

Jean

you guys are going to overwhelm him oh my god

Sasha

WHAT we are delights

Jean

delightful dumbasses

Hitch

personally I am excited to see how this plays out

you guys should go

Marlowe

do you take pleasure in instigating things?

Hitch

yes

Connie

ok jesus sasha got here fast

she looks like a rabid animal

Connie sent an attachment

Connie

see

Jean

I see the other guy looking very annoyed

Armin

I mean they are quite literally two strangers stealing his food

Connie

we are ROOMMATES aka assigned best friends NOT strangers

Armin

weve known our roommates for like two days??

Jean

and I hate mine

Connie

holy shit

I think sashas crying

like happy tears

Hitch

damn was it that good

did he lace it with crack or something

Marlowe

why on earth would that be your first thought

Hitch

why not

Connie

bro is flabberghasted

I think he thinks shes crying bc it was bad

Hitch

LMAOOOO

Armin

oh my god

Marlowe

I feel so bad for this guy

.

Connie added anon user 17 to the chat

Connie changed anon suer 17’s name to Niccolo

Connie

my chef roommate!!

Sasha

OMGGGG

NICCOLOOO

I swear im still like floatin from ur meal

it was the best thing ive like ever had

Niccolo

oh uh

thank you

I appreciate it

don’t steal my food again tho

Armin

hey!

im guessing youre in zeke’s homeroom

Niccolo

mr yeager’s? yea

are you guys all ackerman?

Armin

yep

how is your homeroom

Niccolo

uh

weird

mr yeager has this weird fascination with monkeys

theres like posters and plushies everywhere

its like they watch me

Eren

oh my god

he brought them here?

Niccolo

what

Eren

hes my brother

and hes been obsessed with monkeys since before I was born

he keeps a monkey costume. just like, in his closet at all times

Niccolo

wow that makes it worse

idk this one girl keeps asking questions and I cant tell if shes genuinely interested or fucking with him

theres these two brothers and one is cool but the other’s an asshole

the nice one said he knew a couple people in this class

Armin

oh really?

Niccolo

yea like

annie?

lainah?

and one that starts with a b that I have no idea how to spell

Armin

im… guessing that that’s @Bertholdt

Bertholdt

oh

marcel and porco?

yea we went to the same middle and elementary school

same with colt and pieck

Niccolo

I don’t remember a pieck?

Bertholdt

shes coming in tomorrow for personal reasons

Niccolo

mhm

sorry for calling your friend an asshole ig

Bertholdt

no he is

Connie

cant believe u didn’t tell us u knew people in the other class

smh

Bertholdt

it didn’t really

come up

Connie

u should add them

Bertholdt

uh

@Reiner you do it

Reiner

bertholdt

fine

connie I need admin privileges

Connie

one sec

Reiner added four people to the chat

Reiner changed anon 18’s name to Marcel

Reiner changed anon 19’s name to Porco

Reiner changed anon 20’s name to Pieck

Reiner changed anon 21’s name to Colt

Ymir

bruh this gc is getting too big

Porco

tf is this

Ymir

your mom

Porco

wow you really got me there

how will I ever recover

Marcel

reiner??

Reiner

slay what u wanna slayyyyy

Marcel

bertholdt????

Bertholdt

I was held at gunpoint

Reiner

you made me add them???

Bertholdt

no comment

Colt

oh is this the other homeroom class?

Ymir

omg someone with a braincell

Porco

bitch

Historia

say that again u slick haired 50s greaser basic white boy school bully taking lunch money big foreheadass

Ymir

LMAOOOOOOO

I love u

Historia

love u too <3

Porco

wtf just happened

Sasha

u like

summoned her or something

Armin

making a mental note to never get on historia’s bad side

Pieck

lol

Connie

WAIT NEW PEOPLE YOU HAVE TO DO A FUN FACT

IT’S A REQUIREMENT

Colt

uhh sure

my little brother and I both have animal-like names

he’s falco

Reiner

prepare for colt to talk nonstop abt falco bc he adores him

Colt

like youre any different with gabi?

Reiner

I plead the fifth

Pieck

my fun fact is thaaat i have slept through a tornado

Porco

not a fun fact

we thought you died

Pieck

#slayed

Marcel

not a #slay but anyway

I used to have an irrational fear of being eaten alive

Ymir

jesus christ

Marcel

ok that did come out as “haha lol” as I intended

Connie

reiner your friends suck at fun facts

Reiner

I know lol

Porco

oh fuck off reiner

ig ill do this

Pieck

wait I have one for porco

he likes to be called pock

Porco

NO I DO NOT

don’t call me that

I swear to god

idk I like this jacket that was given to me by my grandpa

Connie

at least its not traumatizing

@Niccolo hey bestie

fun fact

Niccolo

I moved here from Italy

Sasha

WOAH REALLY

THAT’S COOL

Reiner

bertl used to live in Italy

Bertholdt

can confirm

Connie

niccolos doing his work </3 and told me to stop bothering him                                                                     

Sasha

we have WORK??!??!?!?

Armin

sasha…

Sasha

IM GONNA CRY WHEN WAS THUS

HELLPS

Mina

why is sasha crying???

Sasha

WHO GIVES WORK THE FIRST DAY

is it too late to drop out

Armin

a little yea

Bertholdt

im just surprised connie isn’t freaking out

Ymir

maybe theres hope

Connie

huh

I was playing roblox but I saw my name

WE HAVE WORK????s(*&@^(&*)@

Ymir

nevermind

Chapter Text

9:15 am

Pieck sent an attachment

Pieck

I think im in the backrooms lol

Colt

w

where are you???

Pieck

well

I am supposed to be in first period

but alas

the backrooms

Colt

are you not concerned???

Pieck

idk I guess

anyone want to enjoy the backrooms with me

Marcel

pieck?

why aren’t you here???

Colt

pieck is apparently trapped in the backrooms

Pieck sent an attachment

Pieck

I found a rat

his name is cart

Marcel
…why

Pieck

I found him on a cart

Annie

so is no one going to question how the fuck pieck got to wherever she is or are you all stupid

Marcel

wow

Colt

words hurt annie

Annie

that was the point

pieck how did you get there

Pieck

well I arrived at school

and no one told me how to get to any of my classes

and this is a big campus

so I asked for directions

and now im in the backrooms

Armin sent an attachment

Armin

heres a map

hope it helps :)

Annie

thank you armin for not being useless

Marcel

pieck should one of us just come get you?

Sasha

I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE

Pieck

hey love the enthusiasm

but I don’t know you

Sasha

ok but have u considered

I am bored

I also want to meet the rat

Pieck

omg ok

Pieck sent an attachment

Pieck

cart is excited

Sasha

I have a “bathroom pass”

ok guys how do I find the backrooms

Hitch

close your eyes and walk

Colt

no no no do not do that

Marcel

maybe we should get a teacher

Sasha

pusssyyyyyy

dw I got this

9:34 am

Connie

yall sasha is taking the longest shit lmaoo

wait whats all this then (British)

9:43 am

Sasha

guys you wont believe this

I am lost

Connie

lost in the sauce??

Sasha

no :( I am lost in the school

Pieck

I am still in the backrooms with cart

hes started eating my sweater

maybe im next

Porco

pieck wtf

whos cart

Pieck

my rat

Porco

you don’t have a rat?

Pieck

I do now

Porco

PIECK.

THAT RAT COULD HAVE A FUCKING DISEASE

Pieck

slay

Marcel

how many times do we have to go over this

slay does not make something okay

Connie

not with that attitude

ok but actually sasha are you okay?

Sasha

no

Connie

what??
whats wrong???

Sasha

im hungry

Connie

say /j rn

I THOUGHT U WERE DYING

Sasha

I AM DYING

SLOWLY

OF HUNGER

Marcel

this is actually a disaster

Sasha

omg guys I found a potato in the ground nvm im fine

Connie

like a whole ass potato??

Sasha

ya its not even cooked

food is food tho

Marcel

oh my god

look idk you but

do NOT eat unwrapped food on the ground

Sasha

potato

its kinda crunchy

Porco

EW??????

Connie

@Jean our trio might become a duo lol

Jean

ffs im IN CLASS

wait

SASHA WHAT THE HELL

SPIT IT OUT

Porco

is she a dog??

Sasha

NEVERRRR

Jean

SASHA PLZ YOU COULD DIE

Sasha

you know damn well ive eaten worse

Jean

you know what ur right

Pieck

save some for cart

Sasha

I gotchu

Hitch

can I just say I love how armin literally sent a map

and yet

nothing

Sasha

um

actually he didn’t

Hitch

you cant gaslight me its my favorite thing to do

Reiner

why did marcel just tell our teacher that pieck and sasha are lost??

Porco

because marcel likes to lie !

theyre lost you idiot

Reiner

jfc

did someone shit in your coffee

Hitch

omg the girls are fightinggggg

Connie

I don’t think theyre girls??

Hitch

its

its an expression

Connie

oh

I feel a little silly

Sasha

wow snitching fr

I actually am glad tho I don’t know where I am

Marcel

do you two think you can describe where you are??

the teacher’s going to send someone to try and find you guys

@Pieck @Sasha

Sasha

well

it’s a hallway

Porco

💀

Sasha

IM TRYING

Connie

SHES TRYING

Pieck

I went past some music rooms down some stairs I believe

idk

Porco

1 point to pieck for being helpful

Sasha

OH OH OH

I WALKED A BIT AND I SEE A POOL!!

Marcel

the pool

got it

Reiner

i…think the pool is on the opposite side of the building??

Sasha

got my steps in fr

Jean

u fucking idiot 😭

Connie

says the one who let Mikasa say his name wrong during the icebreaker game

Jean

SHUT UP????

Pieck

oh I see a person

they r tan and bald

scary looking

Sasha

SHADIS IS LOOKING FOR US???
HELP

HELP

SOS

I DON’T WANNA DIE

Reiner

USE THE MAP

WE ARE IN ROOM 243

Sasha

running for my life for real

not clickbait

Pieck

do u think shadis will like cart

Connie

tbh no

Pieck

shit

well into my pocket she goes

Connie

you checked her ratussy?

Porco

HER WHAT

Jean

RATUSSY????

Pieck

DJCAJSJF

I did check her genitals yes

Connie

oh ok

Pieck

yass my rat uses she/her pronouns

Porco

does she have blue hair too 🙄

Pieck

stop when did u actually get funny

Porco

um EXCUSE YOU ive always been funny

why is no one fucking responding

9:57 am

Porco

STOP IT.

10:01 am

Porco

HELLO???

Reiner

wenomechainsama

Porco

I am going to stuff cow feces into your fucking eyelids

Pieck

LMAOOOO WHAT

Marcel

porco wtf

Connie

in case anyone is wondering sasha made it to class okay

Hitch

omg yes I cared sm thank u 😍😍😍

Connie

what will it take to be appreciated

Hitch

grow hair

Connie

FUCK U IT’S A LIFESTYLE

Hitch

sorry didn’t realize it was a sensitive subject 😧

4:07 pm

Ymir

ok gays and gals

typo intentional

hottest teacher

go

Marco

I really don’t think we should do that

Connie

daddy mr. smith 😍

Jean

CONNIE PLEASE

Colt

no no

let him speak

Marcel

COLT??!??!?

Reiner

well that came out of left field

Ymir

wow simping for the white blonde man 🙄

he could be half of yalls brother

Colt

🧍

Eren

I am BEGGING all of you please do not say zeke

Colt

idk he kinda

Eren

STOP IM GOING TO PROJECTILE VOMIT

Colt

I WAS JOKING

ARE YOU OKAY?????

Pieck

colt u are why I hate gay people smh

Jean

🤨

Pieck

I am bisexual btw

also prof hange is the hottest no competition

Ymir

ON GOD

finally someone with braincells

want to be their wife

Pieck

felt

Historia

felt

Hitch

is this a bad time to say mr zacharius

Ymir

HIM????

Eren

he was so

odd

like

he sniffed all of u guys too right

Historia

YES

thought I was abt to get groomed or something

Marco

he said I smelled different on each side of me

which I dont rlly get

Hitch

hes hot in a rat kind of way

Jean

the fuck is your type

Hitch

not you <3

Jean

whatever

anyway mrs zacharius was fine

Connie

jean homewrecker arc

Marcel

am I the only one waiting for someone to say a really odd one

Sasha

omg mr. magath 😫

Porco

mr. tyber 😳

Armin

mr. pyxis?! 😵💫

Eren

ARMIN???????

Ymir

LMAOOOO THE PRINCIPAL DNJDJAJ

Historia

does anyone else want to like

slap his head

Jean

oh my god so badly yes

Reiner

its so shiny

Armin

one day

Eren

armin ur scaring me :(

Ymir

eren said “baby plz look at me ur not like this 🥺”

Jean

“baby its me 🥺 you know me”

Eren

stfu you equine motherfucker

Jean

tf is that

Ymir

did armin teach u that word 💀

Eren

fucking maybe

Armin

(yes)

Jean

I LOOKED IT UP

FUCK YOU

Eren

I have standards

Mikasa

u really don’t

Historia

LMAOOOO

Reiner

Mikasa exposes eren (real) (not clickbait)

Eren

MIKASA PLEASE

11:34 pm

Connie

GUYS HELP

Ymir

oh god

what now

Connie

BERTHOLDT IS DEAD

Ymir

HUH

Marcel

WHAT?

Porco

BERTHOLDT IS WHAT

Reiner

bertl is???

WAIT WHAT

BERTHOLDT??

@Annie HE;PSP

Annie

what

oh my god reiner calm down

connie what do you mean?

Connie sent an attachment

Connie

I FOUND HIM LIKE THIS IN THE MAIN AREA

HELP

Reiner

oh what?

hes fine

Connie

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

Annie

connie 😐

Marcel

he just sleeps like that

Ymir

his neck is at a 90 degree angle????

Reiner

yea hes just like that

Connie

HOW 😭😭😭

Porco

built different

you nearly gave reiner a heart attack tho

I heard him wail

Reiner

I WAS WORRIED OKAY???

bertholdt is 80% of my impulse control

Porco

true

Connie

question

does he also move

because hes moving

Annie

ya

Connie

HE KICKED ME

bruh

Reiner

ill go collect him

he has back issues when he doesn’t sleep on a bed

Ymir

so its not the unnatural sleeping positions

but the bed

Reiner

surprisingly yes

Marco

gotta say

did not expect to go outside and see reiner bridal carrying a sleeping bertholdt

happy pride ig

Porco

S,JGOEJWSLALKA

Annie

marco.

Marco

/J /J IM SORRY

Reiner

lmao im not gay but that’s funny

def saving that photo

Marco

WHY DID YOU TOSS HIM OVER YOUR SHOULDER LIKE A POTATO SACK

Reiner

he wont wake up its fine

1:12 am

Bertholdt

wjat yar isjt

Ymir

2050

Bertholdt

HDSY FUXK

Chapter Text

7:30 pm

Connie

wait

can

can i

@everyone

HOLY SHIT

Hitch

taking bets on how long it takes for him to start abusing this power

Marlowe

immediately?

Connie

@everyone we are playing mafia 😈😈😈

Hitch

huh

Marlowe

i was hoping to be wrong tbh

Thomas

uh 

do we get a choice?

Connie

no

itll be a bonding experience for us!!

now @everyone im putting names in one of those online spin the wheel things to get roles

Marco

oh i think this will be fun!

Jean

you have too much faith

Ymir

tf is mafia

Sasha

YOUVE NEVER PLAYED???

omg youve been missing out

ok so all u need to know for now is were all in a town in the game and try to figure out the mafia before they kill everyone

Ymir

that doesnt help at all wtf

Historia

itll make more sense when we play dw <3

Eren

if i dont get a role i swear

being a townie is so mf boring 

Armin

how many roles are we using? 

Connie

well i looked thru the wiki and chose what looked fun soooo mafia, detective, doctor, assassin, lover, hooker, bomb, fruit vendor, oracle, and grandma

Hitch

no way half of these are real

tf is the grandma

Porco

what is the grandma gonna do give the mafis cookies??

Connie

wow no faith

youll see

Connie added Hitch and Porco to a chat

Connie name the chat MAFIA 

Connie

hello mafia members 😈

Porco

FUCK YEA

Hitch

oh slay

Connie

alr ill be back but think about who you wanna kill

Connie added Pieck to a chat

Connie

doctor!

Pieck

huh

Connie

read the main gc 🙄🙄

Pieck

oh mafia?

niceeee

Connie added Ymir to a chat

Connie

ok so youre our detective

ik you dont know how to play so basically you can choose one person every round and ill tell you their role 

which you can then use to incriminate someone

Ymir

that sounds useful as hell

Connie

it is

but u dont wanna reveal yourself so you dont #die 

Ymir

ok cool

Connie added Bertholdt to a chat

Connie

bertholdtttttttttt

bertolfdldhd

bert

are u alive

Bertholdt

uh hi? 

Connie

HI ok so were playing mafia and youre our lover!!

Bertholdt

like the game?

Connie

yuh

you dont have to play ig

Bertholdt

i mean i guess i will

what does that role mean?

Connie 

k so as the lover you choose someone else to be your other lover

Bertholdt

reiner

Connie

i wasnt done yet 💀

Bertholdy

oh sorry 

continue 

Connie

right,, 

so you choose someone and then if you or that other person die the other dies from heartbreak

Bertholdt

oh 

wow that role kind of sucks

can i rechoose my person? 

Connie

hmmm no

Bertholdt

alright

wait will reiner know i chose him?

hello??

Connie added Jean to a chat

Connie

hey bestie you got a role 😍

Jean

FUCK YES

ok whod i get

Connie

the hooker 😘

Jean

. 

say sike rn 

Connie

nope!

have fun roleblocking people

Jean

fuck you

Connie

no but maybe one of the townies will 

Jean

FOR FUCKS SAKE

Connie added Mina to a chat

Connie

youre the bomb!

literally

Mine

what… does that mean

Connie

when you get killed youll kill the person who killed you

as a bomb

Mina

oh cool

but like is it strapped to my chest or something 

Connie

idk probably

Connie added Marlowe to a chat

Connie

fruit vendor!

Marlowe

i havent heard of that one, what does it do?

Connie

you choose someone to sell fruit to!

Marlowe

…and?

Connie

thats it

Marlowe

so its a useless role

Connie

fruit is an important part of a balanced diet

Marlowe

…

Connie

ya its useless

Connie added Colt to a chat

Connie

grandma!

Colt

oh nice :)

what do i do?

Connie

you kill anyone that visits you!

Colt

HUH

WHAT KIND OF GRANDMA

Connie

fun role right!

Colt 

😭

Connie added Marco to a chat

Connie

youre the oracle! congrats!

Marco

uh

what do i do

Connie

sooooo

like detective you can choose someone and know their role

but when you die you reveal the role of the last person you saw

Marco

huh

so im more useful dead lol

Connie

well thats a bleak outlook but yea ig 

Connie added Floch to a chat

Connie

ok last one!

our assassin 

Floch

what do i do? 

Connie

youll get a target from the mafia and you have to try and get them eliminated 

via a vote

Floch

oh so like a manipulator

fun

Connie

ya!

Connie added Reiner to a chat

Connie

almost forgot

youve been chosen by the lover ;)

Reiner

ohh

who is it

Connie

im deciding not to say for dramatic effect

Reiner

boooooo

tomato tomato

help plz

Connie 

ok everyone has been chosen and notified! 

if you didnt youre a #normie townie and you suck

Armin

wow

Thomas

i feel like the last part was unnecessary 

MAFIA

Connie 

k mafia

choose your victim

Porco

we should kill reiner

Hitch

thats too obvious

Porco

no no

its like reverse psychology

no one would think its me bc i WOULD kill reiner first right

Hitch

ugh whatever 

thats not gonna work but at least if u die i can choose on my own

Porco

itll work

Connie

okkk so reiner killed

who do you want the assassin to try and incriminate? 

Porco

oh uh

idk

hitch you chose

Hitch 

hmmm

marco

hes too nice

Connie 

naw 😭

Connie - Floch

Connie

try and get marco eliminated 

Floch 

damn it

Connie

naw i kinda feel bad

who tf is gonna vote for marco

Floch

RIGHT

Connie - Pieck

Connie

ok who you wanna save!

Pieck

idk im gonna random generator

Connie

HELP

Pieck

thomas

Connie

omg worlds best doctor

Pieck 

ikr

Connie - Ymir

Connie

alr who do you want to visit and know

Ymir

ummm

idk

Colt?

nice people always have evil roles

Connie 

well 

you would be right

Colt’s the grandma

Ymir

the HELL is the grandma

Connie

youll see

Connie - Marco

Connie

ok bestie 

who you wanna see?

Marco 

hmmm

Sasha?

Connie

#townie

Marco

dang

well i guess that still helps

Connie-Marlowe

Connie

heyyyyy who you wanna sell fruit to

Marlowe

do i really have to

Connie 

yes!!

Marlowe

ummm

armin?? i guess??

Connie

fruity

Marlowe

huh

Connie-Jean

Connie

bestie i almost forgot

who you wanna hook up with

Jean

i dont care

Connie

ok im choosing for u then

marcel

Jean 

idk who that is 

help plz

Connie

WAKE UP TOWNPEOPLE

THERE HAVE BEEN MURDERS

Mina 

gasp

Jean

cant wait

Eren 

suspicious as fuck jean

Jean 

fuck off

Connie

poor bertholdt was walking this morning…

Reiner

oh wait youre playing bert? 

Bertholdt

uh 

Connie

…only to find his lover, reiner, dead on the ground with a shotgun laying next to him 

upon seeing this, bertholdt dies of a shock so strong it can only be brought upon by heartbreak

Reiner

wait bert was the lover

Porco

since when was connie a novelist

Pieck

#reibert 

Reiner

huh

Bertholdt

PIECK

Pieck

help why is bert using caps so scary

Historia

wow this is so tragic lover hurt no comfort heavy angst major character death of them

Ymir

gay

Armin

amazing vocabulary ymir

Ymir 

thanks 

Connie

so there it is…

our first two victims….

Pieck

rest in peace 

Reiner

i mean if im dead at least im with my best friend 

Connie

BUT

that is not all

our detective went around snooping

Hitch

oh?

Connie

and while they made a startling discovery… that discovery was that of the grandma… who had less that peaceful intentions

Ymir

wait what

Connie

our beloved grandma killed our detective, just as they found their identity… never to be revealed

Ymir

WHAT THE FUCK

THATS WHAT THE GRANDMA DOES

Sasha

uhhh

so im guessing ymir was the detective

Historia

YMIR NO

MY WIFE

Ymir

FUCK YOU whoever the grandma is 

Historia

ILL AVENGE YOU

Ymir

<3 kill them bae

Mina

the grandma kills people?????

Connie

ya this is evil grandma

but on a lighter note: armin got some fruit from the fruit vendor!

Armin

oh 

does it do anything?

Connie

nope!

Armin

well

thanks i guess?

Eren

wait what about the hooker?

Connie

they had a good time ;)

but now we have three dead

our beloved lovers…. and our beloved lesbian detective

Pieck

these killers are homophobic fr

Reiner

cant believe i got out first round smh

Bertholdt

sorry

Connie

so… anyone have accusations? 

Eren

sasha

Sasha

WHAT

WHY ME

Eren

easy

youre connie’s best friend

you probably convinced him to make you mafia

Armin

ok but by that logic it would be jean AND sasha right

Jean

yea

except im not the mafia

Mikasa

i dont see jean asking for a role

i can see sasha doing that tho

Sasha

HUH?????

Jean

yea EREN

Marco

idk guys

i dont think thats enough to get sasha on

plus theres a lot of other people to look at

Sasha

so true

listen to marco guys

Floch

why so eager to get to sasha’s defence marco? 

thats suspicious

Hitch

actually he has a point

Jean

what?

thats bs

marco’s just like that

Ymir

#1 marco apologist right here

Connie

shush youre dead bestie

Ymir

man fuck you im playing the sims

Mina

so… marco and sasha?

Sasha

NO

IM INNCOENT GUYS

Niccolo 

i think we should just wait it out right? we can vote for no one

Hitch

pussy move

i vote marco

Marco

why????

Hitch

i think it’d make jean mad

Jean

FUCK YOU???????

Eren

i vote sasha

Mikasa

yea sasha

Sasha

HEARTBROKEN RN </3

Armin

no one 

Niccolo 

no one

Pieck

hmmm sasha

Sasha

WHY???

Pieck

idk lol

Mina

umm marco

Thomas

no one

Floch 

marco

Jean

no one

Marlowe

sasha… just because i think youre over-compensating

Marco 

no one

Porco

hmm marco

Marco

:,)

Colt

umm no one 

Connie

@Marcel @Annie would you like to vote?

Marcel

what

Connie

mafia!

Marcel

i vote porco

Porco

WHAT

Marcel

i suspect you 

Porco

WHY

Marcel

idk 

i can

Annie

sasha

Sasha

BRUH

Connie

ok well i think no one won so!! no one is being executed

nighty night

also marcel the hooker hooked up with you btw

Marcel

oh

MAFIA

Connie

next victim?

Porco

can we do marcel

fuck him for voting for me

Hitch 

ughhhh

fine

were gonna lose arent we

Connie 

probably 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Connie-Pieck

Connie

whod you like to save?

Pieck

hmmm

armin

he seems smart so the mafia might go after him

Connie

no more generator?

Pieck

naw now that ive seen a round im good

Connie - Ymir

Connie

L + ratio + you died

Ymir

😐

this is why u get 0 bitches

Connie

BRUH

Connie - Marco

Connie

how does it feel almost dying

Marco

i felt so attacked

this role is so stressful

Connie

who you wanna see?

Marco

hmm

floch was attacking me hard, that was kinda suspicious

so yea, floch

Connie

floch is…

the assassin!

good job you got a not-#townie

Marco

WAIT THAT MAKES SENSE

i must’ve been his target

Connie

bruh ur smart wtf 

Marco

haha thanks :D

Connie-Marlowe

Connie 

who gets fruit today???

Marlowe

this is so stupid 

um

Porco??

Connie-Jean

Connie 

whos body u want tonight *lip bite*

Jean

i guess ill choose this time 

marcel was a townie since it didnt so anything so uhhh

idk niccolo he hasnt said much so he might have a role

Connie

love wins <3

Jean

SHUT UP I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT

Connie-Colt

Connie

u have blood on ur hands 

Colt

STOP???!??@!*#@^#*!!(

plz help

Connie

HELLO TOWNSPEOPLE YOUR GOD IS BACK

and its morning!!!

Eren

its actually like 5 minutes later

Connie

omg mafia can u kill him next

killjoy smh

Armin

oh so eren’s not the mafia

Connie

FUCK

Armin

nice

Annie

you do realize you couldve avoided confirming that right

Connie

IM TRYING MY BEST GUYS

fuck u no story this time

marcel is #DEAD

niccolo got that gluc gluck from the hooker

and porco got some fruit

Niccolo

i WHAT

Porco

yum

Marcel

damn

Reiner

fuck yea were getting the whole squad here

Connie

REINER THE DEAD DONT TALK

whatever whatever

accusations? 

Floch

i still think marco is suspicious

and sasha

Sasha

PLEASE GUYS IM ONNOCENT

IM SHOW U MY PMS WITH CONNIE

ANYTHING

Armin

dont think thats allowed

Jean

you know what

im accusing YOU floch

Floch

i did nothing?

Marco

youve been accusing me this entire time with no actual evidence??

Pieck 

so does no one else think its suspicious two people close to porco died first

Porco

um tf youre also close to them??

and colt?

Colt

why am i getting dragged into this

Pieck

hmmm

thats fair

for now… 

Connie

ok voting time!!

Floch

marco

Jean

floch

Marco

floch

Sasha 

floch

Eren

im trusting you guys 

floch

Hitch

marco 

thats for you jean

Jean

ffs

Porco

pieck

Pieck 

um??

you know what

porco

Colt

no one

Marlowe

…no one

Niccolo

yea no one

Armin

no one as well

Mikasa

no one

Historia

floch

Mina 

um no one

Thomas

floch

Connie

shit are we tied

OH WAIT

@Annie we need you

Annie

ugh

floch ig 

Floch

WHAT

Connie

there it is!

floch is being sent to execution

although…

…its a good thing for you, since floch was the assassin! 

Jean

I KNEW IT

Sasha

IM FREE

Floch 

damn

Connie

yayyyyy

ok gn time for more murder maybe

MAFIA

Connie

alr guys 

new victim

Hitch 

this time i chose

Porco

ugh ig

Hitch

ok we're killing mina 

Connie 

yknow

this is supposed to be a team decision

Hitch

well

no

Porco

i mean its whatever for me

Connie

ok you do you

Connie-Pieck

Connie

doctor?

Pieck

idk im saving myself today

im suspicious of porco and he knows it

so is he is the mafia he might go for me

Connie

youre playing this a lot smarter than the mafia 

Pieck

wait really lol

Connie-Marco

Connie

ok oracle 

who tonight

Marco

hmmmmmmmmm

…armin

Connie

#townie

Marco

aw dang really

ok

Connie-Marlowe

Connie

fruit? 

Marlowe

uh

idk ill give the fruit to you

Connie

BRO

TEARS

best fruit vendor fr

Connie-Jean

Connie

my fav person to visit 😍

Jean 

hmmmm

armin

i feel like he has some kind of role

help plz

Connie

WAKE UP WHORES

Thomas

so kind

Connie

you guys get a story today because the fruit vendor gave ME fruit so im better now

Eren

thanks fruit vendor

ig

Connie 

now…

our mafia had a plan… a plan to kill sweet, sweet mina

Hitch 

NOT MINA

Connie

however…

little did they know…

mina was the bomb! so when they came to attack, they were both caught in the blast

killing both mina and… 

hitch! ½ of our mafia!

Jean

BRUH “NOT MINA” YOU FAKEASS 

Hitch

THIS IS EMBARRASSING FUCK

Mina

slayed in my final moments ig

Thomas

so

do we still vote

Connie

ummm

gonna say no

only two deaths today!

Colt 

can i just say

the doctor is doing a pretty bad job

Eren

LMAO yea

tf is the doctor doing 

Marlowe 

wait what about the hooker

Connie

RIGHT

armin got the gluck gluck and THEN some

Armin

thanks?????

Marlowe

so the hooker is also doing a bad job at role-blocking people

Connie

slanderous today

anyway nightime!!

MAFIA

Connie

rip hitch

Porco

rip hitch

Hitch

ffs

just choose porco

Porco

hmmm

hmmmmmmmm

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

marlowe

Hitch

why?

Porco

i dont trust ppl with bowlcuts

Connie

HELPSADPAK

Connie-Pieck

Connie

bruh u better actually protect someone ppl r getting mad

Pieck

theyre haters i swear

mmmmm

marco

yea

i think he has death flags

Connie 

cool cool

Connie-Marco

Connie

alr who tonight?

Marco

historia

Connie

#townie

Marco

dang again?

Connie-Jean

Connie

smirks

Jean

i hate u

idk pieck

Connie

alr gluck gluck master

Jean

WHY

Connie-Marlowe

Connie 

heyyy

do i get fruit again or

Marlowe

historia can have fruit ig

shes nice

help plz

Connie

GOOOOOD MOOORNING

except its NOT

theres been a MURDER

Eren 

bruh tell the doctor to do their job

Connie

im afraid it was a fruitless effort

literally

marlowe, our sweet fruit vendor, has died tragically

before he could give historia fruit

but not before pieck had a time with the hooker

Mikasa

i really dont think you have to tell us about the hooker every time

Connie

but i want to

who couldve committed this crime???

Jean

well i would guess switch but shes already dead so idk

Eren

i accuse jean

Jean

WHAT WHY

Eren

bc fuck you

also you and hitch talked a lot together

like you were already in cahoots

Armin

that is true actually

Pieck

i am officially accusing porco

Porco

WHAT. 

Thomas

idk i can see jean bc oh how he and hitch were

like 

acting against each other so no one would suspect anything

Marco

they always are like that tho

Connie

hmmm

well i think we should take a vote!

Eren

jean

Armin

yea jean

Thomas

jean

Pieck

porco

Jean 

fuck you guys 

porco

Porco

jean

Marco

porco

Niccolo

no one idk

Historia

uhhh no one 

too bad i didnt get my fruit :(

Colt

porco lol

Porco

COLT????

Annie

no one idc

dont @ me again

Connie

ok :(

well i guess jean gets the boot

Jean 

smh

Connie

but…………

…………..he was actually the hooker!

Eren

HELPPP LAMO

THATS SO MUCH BETTER

Jean

yall look stupid rn have fun getting killed by the mafia

Marco

fly high

MAFIA

Connie

got close there porco

Porco

yea

i wanna kill pieck but i think thatd incriminate me

hmm

marco

Connie

ty for ur service

of murder

Connie-Pieck

Connie

hi useless doctor

what today?

Pieck

wow

yk what im saving myself again bc i feel like porco’s it and he’ll wanna kill me

Connie

alr

Connie-Marco

Connie

what today oracle?

Marco

umm

colt i think

yea colt

Connie

alright

colt is………..

the grandma!

Marco

aw dang that means i die

wait thatll help actually

help plz

Connie

MORNING

its a short night since ppl with roles keep dying instead of townies

speaking of…….

Pieck

oh god

Connie

poor marco… he had a rough night

Sasha

NOOOOO

Connie

the mafia beat him to near death… then when he was walking around the streets begging for help… the house he stumbled upon… was the grandma’s…..

Eren

wait so he got doubled murdered??

Connie 

yes

very unfortunate

however… marco, as it turns out, was the oracle. in his last words, he speaks……

“colt is the grandma”

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN

Sasha

PLOT TWIST

Colt

🧍

Armin

so.. we’re all voting colt right

Thomas

yes 

Eren

yep

Sasha 

ya

Mikasa 

obviously

Pieck

yea

Porco

sorry colt

Colts

its ok

Connie 

RIP marco and colt

two kind souls

anyway more murder! 

maybe 

i still have hope for the doctor

MAFIA

Connie

heyyyy

Porco

hm

pieck

Connie

ohh the big guns

ok

Connie-Pieck

Connie

who you saving?

Pieck

myself

this town doesnt deserve me

Connie

LMAOOOOO

help plz

Connie

alr guys

momentous day

NO ONE DIED!!!!!!

Eren

holy shit

doctor did their job???

Pieck

ITS PORCO

ITS FUCKING PORCO

Porco

WHY R U ALREADY ACCUSING

Pieck

IM THE DOCTOR I SAVED MYSELF

Armin

UM??

connie confirm??

Connie

confirmed

Mikasa

wow

Pieck

IVE BEEN SUSPCIOUS OF PORCO SO HE TRIED TO KILL ME

ITS HIM

Porco

ANYONE COULDVE KILLED YOU

Armin

well really if anyone else were the mafia theyd want pieck alive to get suspicion off of them

Pieck

ITS HIM I SWEAR ON CART

Sasha

oh shit guys

cart

Porco

WHAT

Pieck

I VOTE PORCO

Porco

I VOTE PIECK?!??!?!?

Armin

porco

Sasha

she swore on cart guys

porco

Eren

yeaaaa porco

Mikasa 

youve been suspicious since the beginning so i can see it

porco

Connie

well atp its majority already so

…….

…………..

………………

YALL WERE RIGHT THE OTHER MAFIA WAS PORCO!!!!!

GOOD JOB U GUYS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!

Pieck

AHAHHHAHHAHA

FUCK U PORCO

Porco

GOD DAMMIT

Sasha

I LIVED BITCHES

but so many didn’t……

Historia

i miss my wife

im snuggling her rn but i still miss her

Armin

you know in hindsight it was kind of obvious

Porco

bruh

Eren

now i can finally say it

fuck u for making me a townie

Connie

IT WAS A RANDOM GENERATOR 

u guys r so mean

Annie-Bertholdt

Annie

so

Bertholdt

no

i know what youre going to say

lets not

Annie

you did this to yourself

let me ask you

how long did it take you to choose reiner 

Bertholdt

arent we friends

dont do this to me

Annie

how long

Bertholdt

.

before he finished explaining the role

Annie

you gay ass mf 

Bertholdt

I KNOW

and as if you have room to talk

Annie

this isnt about me

youre lucky hes oblivious

Bertholdt

god im so lucky

well not rlly tho bc hes straight

Annie

hes actually most definitely in love with you but lets not get into that

anyway

Bertholdt

wow what a good segway

also hes not

Annie

also he is

anyway

im going on a walk

come with

Bertholdt

is that a question or a command

Annie

five minutes

Bertholdt

ok

Chapter Text

1:36 pm

Ymir

Connie can I have admin privileges for like two seconds

Connie

yass slay

Ymir

i will ignore that if you never say that to me or anyone ever again

Connie

ok sorry

Ymir

anyway

Ymir changed the chat name to Marco stop reading fanfiction in math class 

Jean

MARCO???

Marco

WHAT DID I DO TO U

Connie

HELP NO WAY???

Ymir sent an attachment

Ymir

smh its not smut 🙄

Sasha

HELP IM TYRING NOT TP LAUGH

DONT SO THIS TO ME WHEN I HAVE TO PAY ATTNEITON

Marco

THIS IS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY

me when i never show my face ever again

Pieck

you didnt have your brightness all the way down so tbh you deserve this

anyway link? 

Armin

ok at least it wasnt wattpad

Marco

please

im not a heathen

Sasha

connie n i used to to write those fics that were like “obama x spongebob” bc we wanted clout

Ymir

of fucking course you did

Pieck

ok /srs this time LINK PLEASE

Sasha

ILL TRY TO FIND THEM

Connie

we actually read one to Jean didnt we? 

Jean

please dont remind me

Armin

anyway

what were you reading marco

Marco

no <3

Armin

marco. 

Jean

why is that scary

Marco

i physically dont think i can admit it 

this is the lowest point of my life

Armin

yknow what im looking at the photo

Connie

bro is a detective fr

Armin

IS THAT  KLANCE

Marco left the chat

Ymir

GOODBYE

Pieck

VOLTRON FANFICTION??!?!?!

Ymir added Marco to the chat

Ymir

atone

Marco

please

can we talk this out

Connie

#no

Marco

dies

Pieck

if u dont send the fucking link to that

i need it

Porco

what u need is a good sleeping schedule

Pieck

SHUT UP

stupid man

is it bc im bisexual?

Porco

IM LITERALLY BI TOO  YOU CANT KEEP USING THAT AS AN ARGUMENT

Pieck

im being hatecrimed guys

Ymir

easy fix: kill him

Pieck

tempting but no

he buys me food

Porco

wow i can tell u really value our years-long friendship

Pieck

<3

Porco

no fuck you

<3

bitch

Connie

wait that was kinda wholesome

Ymir

boring

can we go back to slandering marco

Marco

youve done enough havent you 😭

Sasha

I FOUND OUR OLD ACC

HELP

CONNIE OH MY GOD

Connie

NOOOOKSDFNLAA

Sasha

spongebob x patrick’s amazing love story (mpreg) 🥺🥺🥺

Jean

crying vomit rn

Sasha

tbh i should become an author

this is good stuff

Mina

WAIT. 

is that the actually name of the fic

Sasha

…yes

Mina

I READ THAT ONE

IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

IT WAS IN ONE OF MY LIBRARIES

Connie

NO WAY????

Mina

YES AND I COMMENTED ON IT ALL THE TIME

Sasha

DROP THE USER RN

Mina

NONE OF YALL JUDGE ME

bunnygirlmina_5

Sasha

OMG THAT WAS YOU

Connie

STOP IM CRYING

Ymir

how is this real

Pieck

author x commenter meetcute

Porco

did u actually say words just now

Mina

HOLD ON

I GOT ON MY OLD ACC I CAN LITERALLY SEE THE COMMENTS BYE

“can you have spongebob and patrick have twins omgggg” HELP ME

Ymir

ok but did they listen

Connie

they had TRIPLETS

Pieck

i am making a wattpad acc for this

Armin

so are we not asking why marco was reading klance fics? 

Marco

we are not 

Eren

armin i have seen your ao3 history dont even

traumatizing 

Armin

wow so crazy how mikasa is my new best friend

Eren

haha /j right

RIGHT

armin im tears 

armin

armin

Jean

please just answer him

Mikasa

eren stop embarrassing yourself challenge

Eren

stfu mikasa

armin ill watch whatever documentry u want 

Armin

deal

Mikasa

do you realize what you just agreed to

Eren

fearing for my life

6:50 pm

Niccolo

hey uh

so im trying to create a cooking club

if you’re interested the first meeting will be next tuesday in room 322

Sasha

can

can we eat the food

Niccolo

most of the time probably?

itd feels like a waste to throw it away unless its burnt

Sasha

SIGN EM TY[U

SIGNME UP

PLEA SE

Ymir

i think he gets it 💀

Marco

i would love to join!

Ymir

yea i bet you would fanfic boy

Marco

sigh

youre never gonna let that go are you  

Porco

“sigh” what is this a roleplay

Marco

WHY ARE YOU GUYS ATTACKING ME

Jean

yea attack eren or something

Marco

thank you jean 

Eren

im gonna shit under your pillow

thats not a threat its a promise

Jean

@Armin @Mikasa yall get him hes off his leash

Armin

busy

Mikasa

im doing his makeup :)

also he dont bite

Jean

HE BITES?????

Connie

HELP

Sasha

eren the anke biter

Ymir

marco b like *bites ankle cutely*

Marco

CUTELY??

Connie

idk if marco gives ankle biter vibes

Jean

tf he does not

Ymir

i think he would when necessary 

eren does that shit excessively 

Eren

excuse me what

armin u guys r hanging out without me 

Armin

we’re talking about our feelings and watching gilmore girls

Eren

oh nvm lol

have fun

Marco

idk how to feel about this

Niccolo

almost forgot

here’s a sign up link just so i can get an idea of how many are attending []

please use your actual name

Connie

uh 

oops

Niccolo

ffs

are you “the swagmaster”

Connie

the one and only

Niccolo

. 

great.

Sasha

niccolo on the verge of tears 

anyway signed up 😍

Reiner

i would but im joining football

Ymir

ofc you are

youre one of those mfs that jumps and smacks the top of the doorway when you enter a room arent you

Reiner

thats so specific??

also so what if i am???

Pieck

omg @ porco u should join so you dont almost burn down the kitchen next time you make ramen

Porco

SHUT UP???

I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE

Colt

i remember that

thats why i dont allow you in the kitchen with my brother anymore

Porco

fucking hate u guys 

8:45 pm

Pieck

OMG GUYS

Pieck sent an attachment

[have you seen this rat?]

Pieck

CART IS ACTUALLY SOMEONES PET LOOK

IM GONAN CRY

Porco

well that explains why it didn’t bite you

Colt

**she

Porco

oh my god

Pieck

im so sad

i cant have anything

guys im so attached to cart 

her real name probably isnt even cart :(

Sasha

NOOOOOO

NOT CART

why couldnt it have been like

jean or something

Jean

EXCUSE ME????

Pieck

im gonna go give her back

say bye to cart everyone

Sasha

BYE CART :((((((

Connie

rest in peace

Armin

shes not dying???

Connie

its the thought that counts <3

Armin

??????

goodbye cart

i didnt know you long but pieck let me pet you so

Porco

bye ig

Mikasa

oh

goodbye cart

our dorm room will never be the same

i was going to give her a goth makeover

Pieck

sobs

she wouldve loved that

.

Pieck

ok guys update

i went to their dorm to return cart and its another girl in our grade

she kinda fine 😳

Porco

pieck try not to simp for five minutes challenge

Pieck

SHUT UP LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT

like

she opened the door n she was wearing a BUSINESS SUIT

😍😍😍

she a working gal???

she has  a bowlcut but she makes it work ngl

wmoen,,,

Mikasa

felt

Pieck

omg her name is yelena 

thats a pretty name

Colt

pieck plz

Pieck

cart’s real name is apparently sapphire

BUT SAPPHI FOR SHORT

OMG GUYS DO U THINK SHES SAPPHIC

Ymir

shes a girl that willingly has a bowlcut ofc she is

ask her out

Pieck

IMMA TRY 🙏🙏🙏

.

Pieck

update we’re going on a date tomorrow and im sapphi’s second mom 😍

Porco

no fuckign way

Ymir

FUCK YES

PUTTING THE W IN WLW

Reiner

why cant this be me 😂😂

happy for u tho

Colt

im so happy for u!! *walks into oncoming traffic*

Mikasa

it hurts to see others living your dream

but does this mean i can still do the makeover?

Pieck 

bitches be jealous 🙄🙄 

ill ask mikasa!!

Porco

praying on your downfall 😁

Pieck

praying your crush rejects u 😘

Porco

k word yourself 

Colt

wait u have a crush on someone???

omg

Porco

NO

STFU

goodbye

Pieck

wow so smooth

Colt

healthy friendships 😁 good job guys

Reiner

tf was that

Ymir

that was sad to watch ngl

anyway

would u guys find it weird if i made all of u in the sims

Reiner

a little

Ymir

oh

well i already did so

Reiner

why???

Ymir

i was bored and salty from mafia and wanted to make connie suffer a little

then got carried away

Mikasa

did you torture him or something???

Ymir

no i just made him piss himself a bunch

Pieck

ok more importantly did you make me hot

Ymir

ofc

i made u so hot

Pieck

slay

11:30 pm

Connie

who just let out the most horrifying ass-shattering scream

did someone die

Marlowe

floch saw a spider

also

ass-shattering?? 

Connie

u telling me that scream didnt shatter ur ass??

Marlowe

no??????

Connie

tough crowd

did floch die

Marlowe

unfortunately no 

/hj

Floch

KILL IT

KILL THE FUCKING SPIDER

ALSO FUCK YOU

Marlowe

im right next to you you dont have to text me

Floch

KILLMITN 

NDJJALA

Marlowe

alright

brb

Jean

jesus fuckign christ someone better be dying

Connie

floch saw a spider

Jean

a SPIDER??

THATS WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT???

Floch

IT CRAWLED ON ME OKAY

7:24 am

Eren

holy shit is someone cooking or am i hallucinating

bc that smells rlly good

Connie

niccolo and i are cooking breakfast!

Niccolo

correction

i am cooking breakfast

you are eating uncooked ingredients

Connie

same thing 

Niccolo

whatever

Sasha

WAIT CAN I HAVE SOME

Niccolo

??

youd have to come over to the boys dorms

probably not worth it

Sasha

oh buddy

your cooking

is HEAVENLY

it is worth it

Niccolo

oh

Connie

fuck yea group breakfast

Niccolo

i am NOT making that much food

Eren

playing favorites </3

Niccolo

no offense but who are you

Eren

HOW IS THAT NO OFFENSE

bye

day ruined

Niccolo

🧍

ok

Connie-Jean

Connie

me when niccolo blushes whenever sasha compliments his cooking 

Jean

connie

people blushing at compliments is a normal thing

Connie

STFU

NO LOOK

I COMPLIMENT HIM TOO BUT ITS DIFFERENT

HE TURNS RED WHEN SHE LOKS AT HIM

Jean

…pics or it didnt happen

Connie

HAHAHA I CAME PREPARED

Connie sent 3 attachments

Connie

LOOK

Jean

. 

holy shit

Connie

RIGHT

Jean

no he def likes her

or is the worst at accepting compliments

tbh i could see either i dont think hes used to people talking to him

Connie

JEAN 

DO U KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS

we have to determine whether or not hes good enough for sasha

Jean

fucking duh

sasha deserves the best

but also i really dont trust you

Connie

💔

all men are the same

Jean

need i remind you of the daz situation

Connie

HAHAHA

no

but whatever since ur so good with romance (lie) what do u suggest we do huh??

Jean

ok first fuck you

but i just say we observe for now

im not getting major douche vibes from him but idk

Connie

you know what

thats actually smart

Jean

og course it is im a genius

Connie

og

Jean

STFU

12:24

Pieck

about to leave for my date 

Historia

aww i hope u guys have fun!!

do you know where youre going?

Pieck

she said it was a surprise

Porco

pieck thats how people get murdered

Pieck

not me im #different

Colt 

the next time we hear about pieck itll be on some 20 year old lady’s true crime podcast 💔

Pieck

STOP

IF I DIE U GUYS HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT DOESNT HAPPEN

Bertholdt

why are you guys so dead set on pieck maybe dying

??

Pieck

they hate to see me winning

not historia tho ily bae