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Buckley-Diaz movie nights are as much a part of their daily lives as bathing or dr’s appointment with a lot less dread and a lot more anticipation. Chris looks forward to it almost more than well I can’t particularly think of anything he looks forward to more at the moment honestly. I cannot in good conscience say I don’t look forward to it just as much if not a bit more really.
Buck and I have been dancing around one another for quite a while. Now though with going to see Frank and healing, learning to want things for myself, and realizing it’s okay to want someone for myself, well things have start ed to ah- heat up. So to say I may get excited for weekly movie night could be an understatement. Hell if I had it my way Buck would never leave, but Buck has to choose this to. I will not force my life, my baggage on Buck if he doesn’t want it. The thing is that I am becoming more sure everyday that maybe Buck wants to share some of that weight.
Tonight Buck has requested I make a pizza run claiming movie night cravings. Im speeding back as quickly as i dare. warm food in the passenger seat wafts it’s delicious smell beside me as the radio plays softly
“Tryin not to think about you but it
Ain’t workin why put out a fire
If it’s still burnin.”
The singers desperate tone speaks volumes to many nights lying in bed spiraling fighting just racing over and god know what time of day and confessing all those feelings.
“Just when I think movin on’s getting closer
…..
I’m comin over.”
All of the lingering touches and eye contact cannot mean nothing. Even if Buck doesn’t love me exactly that same way I know Buck will never just abandon them. In my opinion Buck deserves all the love in the world. I want to make sure Buck knows he is loved. Im going to work his hardest every day to show him he is.
Withy mind set and my heart racing I pulls into the driveway turning off the engine and hopping out. Buck is swinging the door open as I step up right on time. Were in sync always. This is just another pro if you ask me. Buck leaves little room for me to pass by in the doorway leaving me no option (though I wouldn’t have chosen any other) than to bush chests with him as I slip by. A firm hand on the small of my back sends a shiver down my spine as Buck passes and takes the pizza from my hands.
Movie night kicks off as it usually does with Chris taking his time picking out what he wants to watch this time. Finally Chris settles between Buck and I content for the moment. It’s not until half way through he frantically has us pause the movie as he racing for the restroom. Except when Chris comes back he doesn’t wiggle in between us but squeezes himself between buck and the armrest forcing Buck to scoot closer. Buck turns to me with a curators brow and I can’t do anything but shrug it off until Chris decides to tell us what’s going on.
Soon though we figure it out for ourselves as Chris curls up against Bucks side. The air in the room is feeling charged with something now. Buck moves almost unnoticeably closer. He seems to always be the one brave enough to try anything close to flirting. Maybe it’s time I make a couple moves of my own. As smooth as I can I lift my arm and casually drop it along Bucks shoulders. I know we’re already pretty tactile and it’s about the oldest move in the book book but hey if it ain’t broke don’t fix it right?
My thinking is that if I’m reading this wrong Buck can pretend it’s nothing more than our usual closeness, but if he feel this fire too then maybe this could be the start of the rest of our lives. Bucks neck heats up under my arm with a healthy flush that leaves me extremely satisfied. I feel myself blushing soon though as Buck puts a hand on my chest pushing me to lie down more. His blue eyes meet mine past the flush across his cheeks.
Buck seems to be asking for permission. He’s making sure this is something he is aloud to do. In answer I simple fall back pressing self down pulling buck and Chris against my chest. All of my cards are on the table now but I’m less scared than before. My hearts racing but mostly with hope. Soon Chris falls asleep on Bucks chest and Buck isn’t far behind. The movie plays quietly almost as background noise I let myself trace each of Bucks knuckles with the tips of my fingers softly to keep from waking him. Next I trace the shell of his ear, then his eyebrow, his birthmark. I let myself bask in the face of the best friend I’ve ever had. In a face I know as well as my own.
Buck stirs as the credits start to roll. “That…is-I am not going to be able to stay awake if you keep that up.” He murmurs pressing closer still.
I tighten my hold “who says you have to.” I whisper against his ear. I can’t stop the shudder that runs through me when bucks breath hitches.
“Eds-Eddie,” he whispers almost pleads. I do something I’ve always dreamed of and run my fingers through his soft curls so similar to Chris’ he could pass more as his dad than I probably do. I sigh heavily because I know we need to get up. We need to put Chris to bed, but things will change now theirs no going back. I’m ready for it to honestly. I slip out from under Buck as he stands seeming apparently as ready for things to change as I am.
Our eyes meet as Buck stands. With Chris draped over his shoulder Buck steps forward wrapping his free arm around my waist pulling Chris against my body as Buck hooks his chin over my shoulder. He pulls away before I can fully react but trails his hand down my shoulder and forearm and finally threads our fingers together. He smiles brightly down at me blushing fiercely. I feel my cheeks start to hurt with the intensity of my smile. I take the lead pulling Buck with me not willing to let go yet.
Buck leans over to lay a sleeping Chris in his bed and kisses his forehead sweetly before righting himself. Slipping past him I brush Chris’ curls away from his face. “Goodnight, mijo, sweet dreams, I love you buddy.” And press the lightest kiss to his brow.
I lay my hands on Bucks waist in front of me as we turn and leave Chris’ room quietly. I pull his door mostly closed. I can feel Buck at my back. He has checks all the locks and turned the tv off already. sparks ignite throughout my body as Buck cautiously wraps his arms around my waist from behind. He lays his forehead against the back of mine and breathes deeply. I run my hands up his grasping his arms feeling the muscles that flex there, that hold me up so often on and off work and I’m completely sure of what I want. I pull Buck along behind me from where he’s locked around me to my room. Buck doesn’t question this. He simply follows my lead.
In my room Buck reluctantly lets go. I skip his drawer pulling out a shirt and sweats of my own for him to wear. Buck grins fiendishly as he sees the old LAFD with DIAZ printed in bold on the back. I smirk shamelessly back. Buck nods “okay, we can play that game if you want to.” He murmurs. His voice is gravely and deep his eyes are the deepest shade of blue right now. He steps around me to his drawer pulling out a similar shirt with BUCKLEY printed boldly. I can’t stop the quiet laugh that escapes my throat.
In a spout of bravery I slowly teasingly pull my shirt over my head showing off the body I’ve worked hard to maintain and I’m sure buck is currently appreciating. I pull bucks shirt over my head missing my hair up and slowly turn a circle for Buck to get good look at to let buck know I’m his if he will have me. As I turn back around I hear buck release a huff of breath. I notice his hands are trembling. I’m going to show him I remind myself that he is loved and people want- I want to take care of him like he always does us.
I step forward into his space and take one of his trembling hands in mine placing it to my chest above my racing heart. “I’m terrified right now,” I whisper I let go of his hand and pull his shirt over his head before slipping my own over his chest so his back is branded as Diaz just as mine is branded Buckley. “But in the best possible way.” I press closer murmuring against his lips “I am so terrifyingly uncontrollably in love with you, Evan Buckley,” I brush my nose with his “and I plan to show you just how much, if you’ll let me.”
Buck wraps an arm back around my waist and cup my jaw tilting it just so with the slightest movement our lips will finally meet “when,” he heaves a breath “did you get so good with words,you been keeping secrets.” He taps thumb against my bottom lip.
I’m restraining myself now with the way our lips barely brush as we speak “maybe I was just saving them for this moment.”
Bucks hand at my waist trembles again “Eddie-god Eddie, I love you so much. I am ready to spend the rest of my life loving you. It is and will always be my greatest achievement in life getting to love you and Chris and being loved by you both. That’s honestly the only thing I’ve ever needed.”
Well fuck. I think to myself theirs no way to top that I don’t think I want to either there is only one thing I want to do right now, so I pull him into a crushing and all consuming kiss. Our lips and hips and legs slot together like they were made to be this way. I think back to a story Buck told me once about humans being created with two heads and four arms and legs. How they were split and they spent forever finding their other half. I think of how their other half fit perfectly in every way and know I’ve found mine.
The kiss starts to heat up as Buck licks into my mouth with a determination I usually only see during a rope rescue. It sends tendrils of heat down my spine to my core. I want nothing more than for this to continue but we have the rest of our lives together. I want to take my time with buck, so I force myself to pull away and take a breath but only far enough to rest our heads together. Buck sucks in air eyes squeezed shut like he’s never been this happy in his life and my heart breaks and soars all at the same time.
“Wow,” Buck chuckles “we have a problem.” He grins “I think I might-no I know I am addicted to kissing you.”
a startled laugh escapes my lips, and Buck seems to decide the best course of action is to capture it with his mouth. Now I'm helpless to stop a deep guttural moan from pushing past my lips. buck swallows that too. i manage to pull myself out of the fog of kissing Buck senseless and drag from over to the bed. throwing back the covers we slip under the sheets on our respective sides only for Buck to close the distance once more. Bucks strong arms wrap tightly around my waist a hand sneaking just below the waistband of my sweats.
I pull him closer to my body and run my fingers through his curls again lulling buck to sleep. with a mighty yawn that buck somehow makes look adorable he whispers "g'night Eds, I love you." pressing a kiss to my chest just before his breathing even out in sleep.
I press a soft kiss to his birthmark. "I love you too, Ev, so much." I don't fall asleep until much later, still too high on Bucks love. when i do finally sleep I don't have a single nightmare.
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I wake up in the middle of the bed wrapped in sheets and...four arms? soft kisses land on my cheeks, my nose my forehead coming from both sides. i cannot remember a time I've been more content, more at ease. I yawn and stretch big. I wrap my arms around my boys. God it feels good to be able to say that. Chris giggles loudly and Buck shushes him before throwing a hand over my eyes. "superman, this is supposed to be a sneak attack," Buck and Chris giggle again uncontrollably.
Before either realize I lock them against my chest and begin tickling them mercilessly. both blondes melt into hysterics instantly wiggling and struggling to get away laughing breathlessly before I let them go feigning being unable to hold them down properly. Chris flops himself down between Buck and I grinning broadly.
"Daddy, does this mean you and Bucky are together now, like auntie Maddie and Uncle Chimney?" Chris turns his little head my way curls bouncing.
I look over him to Buck who's eyes are full of hope. "It sure does, buddy." I tell him "Bucks going to be over a lot more now too." I assure him.
Chris cheers then says, "Why can't he just stay forever then, you love each other right?" he questions " like you and mom loved each other, and Bucky's like my other dad, so he should just live with us, shouldn't he?" Chris fires question after opinion at us eagerly.
Bucks eyes are shimmering with tears. he pulls Chris to his chest hugging him fiercely. "yes, we do, and I love you more than anything in the world. i am honored you think of me like that, i would move in with you guys in a heart beat if you wanted me to." he tell Chris voice horse from trying to hold in his tears.
"Move in with us." I blurt out before i can stop myself, not that I really want to honestly. "move in with us and when the lease is up on your loft don't renew it. stay with us forever. please?"
He really does cry now rubbing at the tears flowing down his cheeks. Chris grabs his face in his little hands and rubs his tear away. "why are you crying?" he asks him frowning.
Buck laughs down smiling as big as ever before "because I'm so happy, of course I will move in with you guys, your my favorite people in the whole entire world."
Chris cheers and out of bed grabbing his crutching "turns to look at us both "we should start today!," he scrunches his brows up "maybe after breakfast though?" he questions timed perfectly with a growl from his little stomach.
Buck laughs loudly "I completely agree buddy, I'll be right there!" he tells him as Chris makes for the kitchen.
As soon as Chris leaves the room Buck throws himself on top of me kissing me deeply. we can't do much more with Chris in the house, but we sure make use of the time we do have.