Chapter Text
Hey.
I know that you’re gone but…
I miss you.
A lot.
Nothing will ever change what I said, not really.
But I hope that you know that no matter what I said, I’ll always love you, no matter what.
You’re my best friend after all.
It’s kind of unfair actually.
I love you so much but I’m still really angry.
But I guess I have to let that go now, don’t I?
Because no matter how angry or upset I am it makes no logical sense for me to hold a grudge.
But my emotions apparently don’t care about logic, I think that’s why I hate them so much.
I don’t hate you though.
I want to make that clear.
I’m so angry and sad and just… confused, I guess.
But I can’t be upset at you.
Because you’re just a tree now.
And people don’t get angry at trees.
What the hell is wrong with me?
It’s been months and I can’t get rid of this feeling.
Guilt, anger?
I don’t know.
I talked to Fitz a bit ago.
(Surprising, I know.)
And… I think you’d be proud of him.
He’s grown so much from that spoiled little brat that he once was in our first years of Foxfire.
But when I told him I was angry, he asked me about what.
What am I angry about?
Honestly him asking that question.
But besides that, so many things.
I’m angry at my invention.
The stupid wires short-circuited again, for the third time in the past two days.
I don’t know why it can’t just cooperate.
And I’m angry at Keefe.
Because he pranked me for no good reason. He knows that I’m not in the mood for that stuff right now, so why would he do it?
I’m angry at the world right now because everyone’s moving on without me.
And I guess… I’m still angry at you.
Your stupid goody-two-shoes logic that everyone always liked.
You’re a klutz but you’re still too nice for your own good.
Or… you were.
You were too good for all of us, I hope you know that.
Hey, it’s um. It’s been a while.
I know you really don’t know that, and I don’t really know why I keep coming back to you.
But… I’m figuring some stuff out.
I don’t really know how to feel about it because it really is different.
And I guess I wanted to tell you because well… you’re my best friend.
I think that I’m gay.
I think.
Don’t quote me on that, I’m not really sure.
But I think ever since we… you know… something didn’t seem right to me.
So I guess that what I want to say is-
It isn’t your fault that I wasn’t good at kissing you.
Apparently, I just didn’t want to kiss the opposite gender?
Argh that sounds weird, never mind.
Our kiss was as great as it could be at the time.
Anyway, um I just wanted to tell you first I guess.
Gah, I’ve made this so awkward and you’re not here to bully me about it.
Well, I guess I just wanted to tell someone.
I’ll leave you be now.
Y’know how I said I might be gay?
Well, I think I can finally take out the might be in that sentence.
I met a guy today.
Well, not really met, since I’ve known him for years and years but I guess I just really met him today.
And- I swear I can hear you laughing right now.
Stop it, bullying my love life is off limits.
Anyway I guess I just really met him today for the first time.
He was uh… crying over his history homework.
Which while I know you, a dork, would find to be completely normal, I found to be kind of odd.
So I asked if he needed help and he said no.
Which was… kind of disappointing but that’s how my life is so you don’t get to bully it!
But uhm. Yeah.
Listen I know that I really haven’t been keeping you in the loop of this whole guy crush thing but I’m seriously freaking out.
So I guess I’m kind of sick of pining?
But I’m also too afraid to say anything.
So instead I have unwisely decided to come out to my family.
In approximately three minutes.
Wish me luck.
It went well!!!
Hush, I know that you would have totally said “I told you so” but let me have this!
My dad said he’d even take me shopping for some pride stuff tomorrow.
I can’t wait.
It’s Fitz.
The guy is Fitz and I’m freaking out because I cannot believe I fell for Fitzory. Avery. Vacker. Of all people.
I feel bad for being such a jerk when you were fawning over him all those years ago.
Because I hate saying this twice to you in the past. Ever.
But you were right.
He is extremely pretty with his stupid stupid teal eyes and his stupid stupid styled hair and his stupid stupid smug little movie style.
I swear he looks like he came right out of one of those human movies my mom loves to watch.
Your smug silence is speaking volumes and I hate it.
I think he likes me back.
This is like. Surreal to actually admit out loud
Er. Over text, I guess.
I’m so so so nervous but also excited I guess?
I know that this isn’t like. Big news or anything, but it is to me.
I feel like if you were here we would make some celebratory mallowmelt.
Actually you know what? I’m gonna do that.
Give me a sec.
[IMG_577]
Too bad you’re not here because this stuff is good.
Your mom actually had a fresh batch and I was able to grab a piece before they were all snagged.
I could never cook like this.
Anyway.
It is sooooo delicious.
I bet you can smell it through the screen.
Or… the afterlife I guess.
…
I’ve come to the realization that I’m bullying a ghost over not being able to text and also how messed up that is.
But I guess you’ll just have to haunt me to come get some.
That’s what it’s called, haunting, right?
Like that one movie, what’s it called?
Casper!
You can be like Casper and come chill with us
But you can’t be a weird little white bald guy with no legs, you need to just be you.
I’m making this so much worse but anyway!
Fitz!
I think I might ask him to move in with me for the elite towers?
Maybe that’s a bad idea for roommates but... I’ll deal with it.
Hey!
So sorry that I haven’t really been checking in with you.
Finals and moving out and all that jazz.
Fitz said yes btw, (which I know you were dying to know.)
He’s actually right here on the couch.
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I know that he looks like he’s getting work done, but he’s actually trying to read a fantasy book that Amy sent him.
I don’t think he knows that I know but.
He took off the cover so he could read it while he’s in class.
I think Keefe and I are really starting to wear him down.
Is this what it’s like being a bad influence?
Well… I gtg (that means got to go by the way, Biana’s been teaching me some of the text slang that Amy's been teaching her.)
Bye.
Listen.
I am actually shaking right now as I type this out.
Literally shaking.
FITZ.
Asked ME
On a date.
So you’re telling me dreams can come true.
I have to get ready now but I guess I just wanted to let you know.
I’m sure you’d make some sort of joke about our wedding right now and before you can ask yes of course you’re invited.
Now, I gotta go make you proud.
Hi.
It uh. It’s Fitz.
Dex told me about the whole texting you even though you’re dead thing and I guess I wanted to show you my point of view as well, not only his.
It would probably make sense to, you know, send you this from my imparter, but what you guys have going on here.
Anyway, here:
[IMG_363]
This I call, the Sleep Deprived Dumbass.
It was photographed by yours truly.
Keefe also told me to send you the signed version.
[IMG_204]
We’ll see how long it takes for him to notice the mustache.
I miss you a lot and.
I love you.
[IMG_495]
The gay idiots managed to graduate! I dunno how we did it, but somehow we made it this far.
Keefe wanted to be in the picture as well, since he thought we looked “Swaggy” in our graduation caps.
But yeah. We did it.
I wish you were here with us.
Hey.
It’s been a few…years.
I know I know, I can explain.
I guess I’ve just been so busy that I forgot?
No no not forgot that sounds so insensitive!
I could never forget you.
I guess that texting you just hasn’t become as necessary anymore.
It used to be what helped me get through hard times, but I have an amazing support system.
I will always need you, but I don’t need you as much right now.
On the new news-
I proposed to Fitz!!!
It was really spontaneous, and I didn’t even have the ring with me but I did it, and I guess that’s what matters.
We’ve settled down too!
I took over the store a couple shops down from my dad and I’ll be honest… I don’t really know what I want to do. Still.
I’m a technopath, sure. But I found out that I really like baking. Like a lot.
And so does Fitz.
I wonder…..
I mean, never mind that. You’d probably be shaking your head and rolling your eyes at me if you were here.
[IMG_471]
When I said you could come to my wedding, I didn’t mean like this.
Listen, if it were any other bird, I would have thought it were a coincidence.
But a Moonlark interrupting the ceremony during our vows?
I don’t think so.
This has you written all over it.
When we were all frozen silent, staring, Biana even stood up and waved.
Everyone laughed, but I think a few of us cried as well. (I was one of them.)
Anyway, we got it under control, but I think you’d find this funny.
Biana actually held the bird for pretty much the entirety of the wedding.
She even danced with it.
And if you thought Prattles pins were coveted over.
I swear I think that bird was more popular that the entire Vacker Family Tree for those three hours.
Anyway, I guess I thought that was something you’d find entertaining.
Hey.
I think this might be my last message to you.
I’ve… I know that this, as much as it has helped me, isn’t helping really anymore.
I think I’ve finally realized that this is just an excuse to live in the past.
And I guess I don’t want to do that anymore.
Not when I have a family to raise now.
I think this might be goodbye.
For real this time.
So, thanks, for all of this. Thank you for being my friend, even though it was years and years and years ago. Thank you for helping me be the person I am today. Thank you for being there, even if for a while it’s been theoretical.
I can never thank you enough for what you’ve given me.
And no matter how many millions of years away,
I'll remember you.
I’ll never forget you, Sophie Foster.