Chapter Text
Adam walked into the Starbucks, expecting to be here first, as he always was. But he was surprised to find his eyes settle on Olive, sat at a table with her friend. He could only see the back of her but her shoulders were rounded and she lifted her sleeve to wipe at her face. Concerned that something had happened, he walked over to them.
"I won't tell him." she sniffed. Malcolm spotted him and froze, eyes fixed on Adam as he spoke.
"Ol."
"No." she said firmly, sounding a little more collected now. Whatever this conversation was, Adam was sure she probably didn't want him listening. And yet, he stood, not making his entrance known and also not walking away. Olive was upset and that mattered to him. He wanted to fix it, to make it better for her.
"I'm not going to tell him. It's a horrible idea." she said.
"Ol."
"How would that conversation even work? How would I phrase it? What are the right words?" she asked, a little panicky now and Adam was about to step in when Malcolm spoke again.
"Actually you should probably-"
"Do I tell him that I'm into him? That I think about him all the time? That I have a huge crush on him? That-"
"Olive." Malcolm said desperately, eyes leaving Adam to plead with Olive. But Adam's head was spinning. She liked someone? She... Could it... It couldn't be him, right? It just couldn't. This was Olive. And he was Adam. There was no way she could be talking about him. And yet, hope bloomed in his chest, light and bright at the possibility that perhaps this ludicrous plan of hers had somehow worked in his favour. Perhaps he had done enough so far to prove he wasn't the asshole the campus thought he was. At least, not to her.
What had seemingly stopped her rant was not, in fact, Malcolm. It was her phone buzzing with a message. She looked around, a weak smile plastered over a myriad of emotions; panic, sadness, stress... Was that a hint of disappointment? Whatever it was, it was hidden poorly by the fake smile on her face right now. Adam tried to remember to breathe. To give his lungs what they needed but this could be it. Could be the start of something absolutely incredible.
"Did you... Did you hear that?" she asked, somewhat accusingly Adam thought. He could sidestep it, tell her he hadn't but it was obvious he had. Short of being deaf or a severe injury to his head, there was no doubt he had heard.
"I was just about to go." Malcolm mumbled, gathering his stuff and leaving. Adam slipped into his vacated chair and took a final, steadying breath. Time to face the music.
"Yes." he admitted, trying to keep his voice even and steady. Olive looked extremely pale and possibly like she might vomit at any given moment.
"It wasn't about you. Obviously." she said quickly. She might as well have kicked him in the gut. That's how it felt anyway. The fact it wasn't him had hurt enough, had torn at his icy heart, but the use of the word 'obviously' had been the real heartbreaker. Because obviously it couldn't be Dr Adam Ass Carlsen. There was no way a woman as beautiful, as vibrant, as wonderful as Olive would be interested in someone like him.
"I know." he nodded, eyes fixed down because fuck this was too hard. He had thought... Had stupidly thought that he could show her another side of himself. And he had and she had... Rejected it. He wasn't enough. And now he had to fight through the next couple of weeks doing this stupid plan of hers to protect her.
"I just... I have a thing. For a guy." she carried on and he wanted to tell her to stop, that he didn't want to hear about this wonderful guy that wasn't him.
"Yeah. I gathered that." he said, hoping to draw an end to this conversation, but Olive ploughed on.
"This guy, he's... Great. Really great. He isn't... Isn't like... You." she blurted out and he froze. He finally looked up to see what looked remarkably like horror on her face. He swallowed hard, nodding slowly.
"Of course." he whispered. He should leave. Just go. Didn't need to stand and listen to this, to how undesirable he was.
"Adam... I didn't mean that-"
"It's fine. It's good that he isn't antagonistic and unapproachable." he said, narrowing his eyes at her and she looked down, eyes filling with tears and he felt guilty. There was no need for his comment but he was hurting and he hadn't been able to stop himself. She had been scathing in her appraisals of him previously but he had taken it with a pinch of salt, knowing it was because she was angry or joking. But now, he was reflecting on those interactions differently. She had meant them. Every single last one of them. And now she was using them as a reason not to be with him, using him as a yard stick to determine the suitability of potential boyfriends.
"N-no. I... I didn't want to upset-"
"This... Our arrangement. It's supposed to help both of us. If it stops doing so-"
"No. No. I... It's complicated." she said with a small shake of her head and Adam had to briefly bite the inside of his cheek before he said something stupid. Like how complicated it was getting into a 'fake relationship' with a girl he was besotted with, who in turn was besotted with someone else. That was complicated.
"I see." he settled on instead. She opened her mouth to respond but closed it again.
"I don't-" she wet her lips, "there is no need to stop our arrangement early, because I can't tell him that I like him. Because I-"
"Dude." Holden said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. Adam didn't know whether to hug or hit him, whether to be grateful for the abrupt end to this conversation or annoyed at the intrusion.
"Hey, Olive." he said and when Adam glanced up he spotted a grin on his friends face. Holden would sit down, would probably try to embarrass Adam but he decided that's what was needed. To be reminded that someone liked him, could stand to be around him for something more than a verbal contract.
"Hey, Dr Rodrigues." she said with a shaky smile. "How are you?" she asked as Holden waved a dismissive hand.
"Pssh. Please, call me Holden. You're not my student anymore." he said kindly, in that effortless way that Holden had that made people adore him. He patted Adams back who now had his eyes set firmly on the table, wondering how quickly he could get back to his work.
"And you have the very dubious pleasure of dating my oldest, most socially impaired friend." he said happily and Adam wanted to sigh loudly. Holden had been joking, he knew, but it was another knife against his character. Another mark on his report card from Olive about all the ways he wasn't enough. Holden turned to him then but Adam couldn't lift his eyes just yet.
"You're leaving for Boston tonight, right?" he asked. It couldn't come soon enough. Perhaps a few thousand miles would help heal his wounded heart and ego. Then again, Olive had followed him for three years, living rent free in his head so perhaps not. Maybe he would get drunk there, sleep with some woman he wouldn't remember the name of... The idea was so laughable that Adam very nearly did laugh.
"Yeah. Can you still give Tom and me a ride to the airport?"
"Depends."
"On what?"
"Is Tom going to be gagged and tied up in the trunk?" Holden asked and Adam sighed heavily. This had been such a shitty day and he didn't need Holden adding to it with petty drama.
"Holden." he said and even he heard the tiredness in his own voice and finally he looked up to his friend.
"I'll allow him in the back seat, but if he doesn't keep his mouth shut, I'll ditch him on the highway." he said.
"Fine. I'll let him know." Adam replied. Holden gave a slight smile before he looked to Olive.
"Anyway, I didn't mean to interrupt." he said, patting Adam on the shoulder but Adam knew exactly what he was doing. He was desperate to join this conversation and it literally could not be a worse time. Which, in Adam's opinion, made it the best time, too.
"It's okay." she said, clearly not understanding at all that Holden would take that as an invite.
"Really? Well, then." he smiled, pulling a chair up as Adam closed his eyes, resigned to whatever shit stories Holden planned to embarrass him with. It hardly mattered anymore.
"So, what are we talking about?" he asked. That was a million dollar question. Adam probably should have answered but he just... Didn't.
"Ah... Nothing much. How do you two..." she trailed off, blushed and cleared her throat. "Sorry, I forgot how you and Adam know each other." she amended. He felt Holden kick his shin under the table.
"You little shit. You didn't tell her about our decades-deep history?" he asked, clearly outraged. What he didn't know was that Adam barely got more than 10 minutes a week with her and he didn't want to spend those talking about Holden. Though, maybe he should have.
"Just trying to forget." Adam replied, trying to forget the last three years.
"You wish." Holden said, turning to face Olive. "We grew up together."
"I thought you grew up in Europe?" she asked, presumably Adam, but his eyes were fixed back on the table, at the napkin dispenser, trying his best to get himself back out of this depressing stupor. He needed to get over this, get over her. She wanted someone else and moping would help no one. Perhaps he could smash a petri dish or two when he got back to his lab.
"He grew up all over the place. And so did I, since our parents worked together. Diplomats - the worst kind of people. But then our families settled in DC. Guess who went to high school, college and grad school together." Holden said proudly. Adam wasn't sure what was happening but he was on the receiving end of another kick to the shins. If Holden did that again, Adam was going to throttle him. He might just do it anyway.
"You really haven't told her shit. I see you're still going for brooding and mysterious." he said, another dig at Adam who glared at Holden. But the man simply rolled his eyes at him before continuing.
"Did Adam tell you that he almost didn't graduate high school? He got suspended for punching a guy who insisted that the Large Hadron Collider would destroy the planet." Holden said and this time Adam rolled his eyes.
"Interesting how you're not mentioning that you got suspended alongside me for doing the exact same thing." he reminded his friend, who had apparently gone deaf.
"My parents were out of the country on some kind of assignment and briefly forgot that I existed, so we spent the week at my place playing Final Fantasy - it was glorious. What about when Adam applied to law school? He must have told you about that." Holden said. No, no he hadn't. Because he would need to tell her the reason he nearly applied and that... No. He wasn't opening that box with anyone. Least of all someone that would leave his life in two weeks.
"I never technically applied to law school." he corrected.
"Lies. All lies. Did he at least tell you that he was my prom date? It was phenomenal." he said with a large, happy sigh. It was one of his most treasured, happy memories. Of making his friend happy, for once, of being the good guy. Parading around holding his hand, pretending to be his boyfriend to make Holden feel good. He would have done it again in a heartbeat.
"It was quite phenomenal." he admitted, still smiling over the memory and looking at his best friend. And then he realised. The little shit was about to big him up. To tell a cute story Olive didn't give a shit about, to make him seem like a great guy and it made his heart twist uncomfortably in his chest.
"Picture this, Olive. Early two thousands. Preppy, ridiculously expensive all-male DC school. Two gay students in grade twelve. Well, two of us that were out, anyway. Richie Muller and I date for the entirety of senior year - and then he dumps me three days before prom for some guy he'd been having a thing with for months."
"He was a prick." Adam muttered. He fucking hated Richie at the time for hurting Holden and he still hated him now. Holden always was too good for him.
"I have three choices. Not go to the dance and mope at home. Go alone and mope at school. Or, have my best friend - who was planning on staying home and moping over gamma-aminobutyric acids - come as my date. Guess which?" Holden asked, to which Olive gasped. Obviously. Because Adam doing anything remotely nice was so out of the realms of possibility. God, was he that much of an ass?
"How did you convince him?" she asked.
"That's the thing. I didn't. When I told him about what Richie did, he offered!" Holden said, the grand finale of his one good story about Adam at its climax.
"Don't get used to it." Adam mumbled.
"Can you believe it, Olive?" Holden asked. Of course she couldn't.
"Nope."
"We held hands. We slow-danced. We made Richie spit out his punch and regret every single one of his wretched choices. And then we went home and played even more Final Fantasy. It was the shit."
"It was surprisingly fun." Adam admitted, happy in that memory for a few moments. Holden had been happy. That was what mattered.
"Well," Holden said, standing up and Adam did something unusual; he panicked. He didn't want to be left alone with Olive again. "This was fantastic. I'll go get coffee, but we should hang out soon, the three of us. I can't remember the last time I had the pleasure of embarrassing Adam in front of a girlfriend. For now, though, he's all yours." Holden said and Adam rolled his eyes. He had emphasized the word 'yours' and Adam was tempted to yell that, actually, he wasn't and would never be. That he was merely a pawn in this weird chess game Olive was playing with Anh and that Holden would unfortunately not have the pleasure to embarrass him again. That Holden should have made more of this opportunity.
"Um, that was...?" Olive said, breaking the silence.
"Holden for you." Adam replied affectionately. His pain in the arse, annoyingly happy, doesn't understand boundaries, brilliant best friend.
"I can't believe I'm not your first." she said and Adam frowned, eyes falling from Holden and back to the napkin dispenser.
"My first?"
"Your first fake date."
"Right. I guess prom qualifies." he said, thinking back over that doomed relationship for Holden and those since. "Holden has had some... Bad luck with relationships. Undeserved bad luck." he said eventually. Holden was a nice guy and Adam felt he owed it to repay the favour of his nicety today.
"Did he and Tom ever...?" she asked and Adam shook his head quickly, glad Holden had just left the shop, lest he strangle Olive for that comment.
"Holden would be outraged if he knew you'd asked."
"Why doesn't he want to drive Tom to the airport, then?" she asked and Adam shrugged. Fuck if he knew.
"Holden has always had a very deep, very irrational dislike of Tom, ever since grad school."
"Oh. Why?"
"Not sure. Not sure Holden knows, either. Tom says he's jealous. I think it's just a personality thing." he said. Olive was silent then. It was time to go, he knew. He had work to be getting on with, needed to breath some air that wasn't filled with vanilla and whatever shampoo she used. Air that was cold and smelt of bleach, the odd comfort that his lab could offer.
"You didn't tell Holden about is, either. That it's not real." she said and he swallowed hard. He hadn't because he had hoped he wouldn't have to. That he could convince him it was real, convince Olive in time that it could be real, that he could be someone to her.
"Why?" she asked and he looked away even further, outside to the students gathered, wondering about the time pre-Olive. The easier times. When he was happy being unapproachable and antagonistic.
"I don't know." he said, rather pathetically in his own opinion. "I think I just didn't..." want to lose you, Olive. He shook his head. Move on, Adam. Get over her. She had been clear on what this was at the start, he had been the one to twist it in his mind. She didn't deserve him being an ass to her. He resolved to change that, to be at least bearable for her for the next couple of weeks and then step back into the shadows so that she could forget his existence. Again.
"He speaks very highly of you, you know?"
"Holden? Of me?"
"Of your work. And your research."
"Oh." was all she said. "Oh." she repeated. Clearly, she didn't want to speak to him and the awkwardness was settling in now that Holden had run out as a topic of conversation.
"We are friends, right?" she asked suddenly. He frowned because he didn't understand; why would she want to be his friend? She didn't like him, clearly.
"Friends?" he asked, the word foreign on his tongue.
"Yes. You and I." she said. Fuck. In that moment, he realised he didn't want to be her friend. He wanted more but he couldn't have that. He just didn't know if he could stand being her friend, watching her settle into life with... Who even was it? Jeremy, perhaps? The guy that drove Olive into his arms that fateful night? Maybe this was some plot to make him jealous but deep down he didn't think her capable of using anyone like that. Not even him. So perhaps friendship would do. She could distance herself anyway after the 29th.
"Yes, Olive." he managed, the words scratching his throat in betrayal as he fought to release them. She nodded then, he could see it out of his periphery and he needed to get out of there.
"Do you want a drink? I should be heading off, so." he said, looking at her for the first time. She looked confused, hurt and for the first time in three years, Adam didn't want to be near her. Because he wanted to fix the look on her face, make it better but he, MacArthur genius, science marvel, wonderkid couldn't. Couldn't change this or make it better.
"I... N-no. It's okay." she whispered, tears gathering again. Maybe he couldn't fix it, but maybe he could cheer her up. Maybe one last bout of honesty would help him to get it off his chest somewhat. Maybe it would make moving on doable, if still painful.
"Olive... This might be inappropriate, but..." it was inappropriate. So inappropriate. He closed his eyes, steeling himself for what felt like a goodbye. "Olive. You are really... You are extraordinary, and I cannot imagine that if you told Jeremy how you feel he wouldn't..." he trailed off, unwilling to finish that sentence with anything other than a nod and stood quickly, making to leave. He had done it. He had paid her a compliment, told her to go after the guy that would put the final nail in his heart. He felt a small, dainty hand grab his wrist, much as it had done all those weeks ago in the hallway after she had kissed him.
"Adam... Can we... I... I'll see you next week, okay?" she asked, a little desperate and he couldn't answer so he just gave a short nod and left her, and the shattered remains of his heart there.