Archive of Our Own

Raven cannot remember why she allowed herself to be talked into this.

Koriand'r and Donna were having a 'girls day out'. They plan on going to the mall and the spa and the park. They invited Raven this time – well, every time, but this is the first time Raven has accepted. Donna was a bit more insistent this time. She said that Raven needed the break. Raven allowed her to be insistent, if only to get out of the tower.

So Donna and Koriand'r have driven her to the mall – well, Donna drove. Koriand'r loves complaining about Earth traffic. “How can you fly a spaceship but not drive a car?” Victor had asked. “Not being able to exploit all three dimensions is annoying!” Koriand'r had said. “I don't believe in confining myself to a two-dimensional plane!”

Raven can neither drive a car nor fly a spaceship. Neither cars nor spaceships were necessary on Azarath. Everything was in walking distance, provided you had good enough legs. Sometimes she wonders how many square blocks of the city would encompass all of Azarath, how small her old home would seem in comparison to her new one.

The current destination of the 'girls day out' is the mall, which – Raven knows, intellectually, is probably not bigger than the Temple Azarath. But it feels bigger, more overwhelming. Even as they're sitting in the back of the parking lot looking at people walking in.

“Are you ready for your first mall experience?” Donna asks, smiling.

Her... genuine happiness takes a bit of the edge off.

Raven nods. “I look forward to seeing what excites you and Koriand'r so.”

“It's Kory, right now,” Koriand'r says as she pushes down her green tinged, circular sunglasses, so that Raven can see her featureless green eyes. She pushes the glasses back up. “We're not Teen Titans right now. I'm a model. Donna's a photographer. You're a college student.”

Raven looks down at her clothing. Koriand'r did insist they wear their 'Earth-people clothes'. In Raven's case, that's the pink dress and sari. In Donna's, it seems to be nice jeans and a red, long sleeved shirt that shows her collar-bones. In Koriand'r's, it's tight-fitting jeans and a plaid shirt that's unbuttoned and tied across her chest to make it much shorter than it initially was.

“My name is still Raven,” Raven clarifies. She doesn't want to go by someone else's name.

“That's fine,” Donna says. “And mine is still Donna! Kory, well – most people besides you call her Kory anyway. Koriand'r seems so formal.”

“But beautiful when you say it,” Koriand'r says to Donna. There's some emotion there that's just... uncomfortable to think about. Something you shouldn't be thinking about a woman in a relationship.

Donna laughs slightly. Raven's guessing she can't tell whatever Koriand'r's intentions were.

Raven gets out of the car quickly. Koriand'r and Donna follow.

Raven is wondering if this was a mistake, if there was a reason Robin stopped coming to these things. “Not all women are obligated to go on the 'girls day out's?” Raven asks as they walk to giant doors of the foreboding mall. This entrance is labeled “JC Penny's”.

Donna smiles. “No one's obligated , it's just fun. Like Robin doesn't go anymore – ”

Koriand'r pouts. An alarming spike of disappointment shoots through her.

Raven cares about Koriand'r. Deeply. But being around her can be a bit overwhelming. Though at least she'll have something familiar to focus on. There is a veritable wave of emotions coming from inside the mall, the same as the background radiation of the city she had to get used to, but more people being this close will be different. She can already pick out the – the emotions feel like a young person, raw, uncontrolled – anguish, rejection, and envy o f a presumed child. People in various states of hunger. Happiness. Glee.

Raven shakes her head. “And what's the purpose of limiting it based on gender?”

“On my pl – hometown,” Koriand'r says, changing the word planet at the last second, “Such gendered division is atypical.”
Raven wouldn't know if it's atypical on Azarath or not. She had no peers with whom she could pass the time. Her social upbringing was gendered in that she was mostly around Azar, and then her mother.

“It's more typical here,” Donna says. “And besides, can you imagine bringing Gar here? Ugh, he'd be a nightmare.” At the mention of Gar's name, even though she was the one mentioning it, a feeling of discomfort seems to cling to Donna's skin.

“He's not that bad,” Koriand'r says. Protective.

Raven enters the JC Penny's. She's sure she'd rather not be in the middle of the debate about Garfield. She mostly found him confusing, like she found many other people.

Donna keeps talking as she walks in: “Are you kidding? If we were trying on clothes, he'd be like ' wooo take it off ' – like I know it's a teenage guy thing, but there's a reason girls prefer older guys. They're more mature.”

“ I prefer people of my own age,” Koriand'r says. “Regardless of gender.”
Raven wishes they would stop talking about. Whatever this is. The purpose was allegedly to have fun.

“What do we do in the JC Penny's?” Raven asks.

Donna immediately perks up and Koriand'r becomes flooded with relief. Neither of them must have actually enjoyed the previous conversation topic.

Koriand'r bounds quickly to Raven's side, but does not put her arm around her. “Oh, you'll love it, Raven! Donna showed me her magazines when we just got to Ear – New York City! The fashion of her people is so varied! Let's find something you like!”

Donna looks Raven up and down and taps her chin. “I think you would look really good in pants.”

Raven shakes her head.

“They didn't have pants on Azarath?” Donna asks.

“They did,” Raven says. “I tried them. I do not like them.”

“There are so many fun kinds of New York City pants!” Koriand'r says. “Jeans! Leggings! Jeggings!” (with that last word, she pokes at the pants she is wearing).

“... Jeggings?” Raven asks.

“They're like jeans plus leggings,” Donna says. “You know. Jeggings. A portmanteau .”

Raven doesn't know what that means, and she's pretty well-read.

“... Or you could just see what catches your eye,” Donna suggests. “If pants are a deal-breaker for you. The purpose is to have fun .”

Raven looks around the store.

It's so bright . She's not sure anyone actually needs the lights this bright. There's different sections of the store labeled b y hanging signs. Some boxes along one wall, with shoes in front of them. Another wall is covered with mostly dresses.

Raven starts walking towards the wall covered with mostly dresses. Some of the dresses are aesthetically pleasing. There are lots of different colors. She sees a deep purple. Red. Black. She's looking for a more bright pink, but doesn't see any yet. Maybe when she gets closer.

“I like dresses!” Koriand'r says. “But I can never find any that fit in this store. We have to go to a different one!”

Donna looks between Koriand'r and Raven for a moment. She's pensive. “Hm,” she says. “I think that you and Raven have different. Um. Frames. The store that caters to you isn't going to cater to her.”

Raven is aware that Koriand'r is much taller and more voluptuous than she is.

Raven starts looking through the dresses hanging on the wall.

…

She realizes she has no clue how to do this.

“... What do I do?”

“Grab one that looks pretty!” Koriand'r says. Again, enthusiasm flares in her. Raven has no clue how it can be exciting to watch other people buy clothes.

Raven eyes the dresses. A lot of them are sleek, like the dress she usually wears and wore in Azarath. That makes them fine everyday wear, but she's gets the idea is not to find something for everyday wear.

On one side of the room are various dresses with light colors and small flower patterns. Raven finds herself drawn to those. She likes the flowers. There's one that's peach, with small white flowers. A yellow one, also with white flowers. Each of the dresses look flowy and loose. It would probably make them more comfortable.

“Sun dresses are soooo pretty,” Donna says. “It's a shame Terry doesn't like them.” She seems genuinely slightly disappointed, though.

“It's a good thing Terry doesn't have to wear them,” Koriand'r says.

Donna laughs, but Raven gets the idea it's more to disguise her awkwardness than it is because something was funny.

“If these are sun dresses,” Raven says, looking at the clothing before her, “then I agree. They are pretty.”

“You should grab some,” Donna says.

Raven grabs three dresses – the peach one with short sleeves, the yellow one with no sleeves but small straps, and a violet one with big yellow sunflowers.

“Wait,” Donna says. “What size are you – okay, try a medium or a small.”

Koriand'r shows Raven where to look for tags.

Donna also grabs a few of the dresses.

“Do we buy them now?” Raven asks.

“No! We have to try them on first, obviously,” Donna says. She's excited. Is trying on clothes really exciting?

Donna starts showing Raven back to the dressing rooms. Raven starts going to an unoccupied, big room, but Donna grabs her shoulder. “That one's for if you're in a wheelchair or have a service dog,” she says. “Let's go to a smaller one.”

Donna finds an unoccupied room and enters. Raven does not follow her in. Even if she's aware that it's nothing Donna hasn't seen before. It still feels awkwardly intimate to undress in front of someone.

“... You can take the room next door,” Donna suggests. “Kory and I will be in here.”

Raven nods and enters the room next to Donna's.

Raven quickly tries on the peach dress. It looks... nice on her, she thinks?

She never thought much about physical appearance when she was younger. She always wore the same thing everyday. It was regular. It was comforting.

“Did you get changed?” Donna asks, somewhat loudly from the next room over.

“I have tried on one dress,” Raven says.

“Come on out so we can see it!”

Raven exits the dressing room.

Koriand'r and Donna are already waiting; Donna in the new dress she tried on. Hers is red, with no sleeves and big white flowers. The lack of sleeves means her muscular shoulders are clearly visible. She looks... nice.

“You look amazing!” Donna says. “Peach is definitely your color!”

Raven actually doesn't know what to say to that.

She doesn't know if she's blushing.

She should not be. She should be in control of her emotions on every level – mentally and physically.

“You also... appear... aesthetically pleasing,” Raven says, trying to formulate the compliment.

“You're both hot!” Koriand'r says. “Let's take a picture!”

Koriand'r whips out her phone and takes a picture of the two of them.

“That's going to my Myspace profile!”

Raven is... she understands that Koriand'r only means good things when she says she's hot. But the idea of someone finding her sexually attractive is unpalatable to her. Especially a stranger.

“Please don't post it,” Raven says.

Disappointment seems to flash over Koriand'r, but only for a moment. Then she nods. “Sure,” she says. “I won't.”

“Let's try on the next dresses!” Donna suggests.

They do. They repeat the process until they're done, which in Raven's case means only twice more. Raven decides to get the peach dress, and Donna decides to purchase her red sun dress.

“I don't have any money,” Raven realizes as they're at the check out.

“I'll cover you, don't worry about it,” Donna says. And she does.

They exit the JC Penny's into the rest of the mall.

The ceiling is high, three stories high, probably. There's a sun-roof up top, and the noise just seems to be trapped inside and is bouncing around. There are kiosks in the middle of an extremely wide hallway, and stores to each side. So many people are walking to-and-fro.

Raven stops in her tracks.

She wonders if this is easier if you're not a pacifist. The field of battle initially seemed overwhelming to her – sometimes it still does, especially in the recent mission in Zandia, when people were actually dying , and the case with Michael Beldon. Even though there was only one of him. He – something about him was just bad. He allowed himself to be a pawn in his father's game. He sickened her. She wasn't supposed to feel like that. It wasn't a very Azarathian feeling. And it clearly upset Wallace.

Donna and Koriand'r seem to be oblivious to what she's thinking – which is fine by Raven. Donna just asks, “Oh, you want to try a cookie the size of your head?”

“What?” Raven asks.

Donna points out a kiosk somewhat near them. “Mall cookies!” she says. “Mall food is – okay, it's not the best the best, but it's got a unique thing. You only get it in one place. And it's pretty good. The snacks, at least.”

“I am quite fond of the cookies that are the size of your head,” Koriand'r adds. “Though the pretzel place is also nice.”

“... We can get a cookie,” Raven says.

As they wait in line, Donna and Koriand'r start talking.

“I should take some pictures when I buy my clothes,” Koriand'r says. “That way it will be like work. They can reimburse me.”

“You're modeling for a certain company ,” Donna points out. “They'll probably only pay you for the clothes you're actually advertising.”

“Well, I look pretty in any outfit.”

“That's why you make such a good model.”

How is it so easy for them? How can they just... talk about it? Act so casual?

Even in the company of the others, Raven is an outsider.

“Do you want an Earth job?” Koriand'r asks. She's looking at Raven. She's... she's feeling something. Compassion.

Raven wonders if she made some mistake and allowed Koriand'r to tell what she was feeling.

“I don't need an Ear – New York City – ” Raven says, correcting herself at the last moment – “Job. I'm already a college student. I'm learning about New York City – Blue Valley – through books. And classes.”

“How are your classes going?” Donna asks. “I'm taking a break from college. I already have a job I like. But I remember it being interesting.”

Raven shrugs. She thinks that the classes are going well. She's accustomed to academic work. Though there is a learning curve when it comes to getting Earth references that had not made their way to Azarath.

“Philosophy is... interesting,” Raven says. “I like being encouraged to think philosophically. It reminds me of home.”

Koriand'r smiles slightly. She's almost sad. “My home town had a rich history of philosophy, as well.”

Oh.

She misses Tamaran.

Raven supposes they both can never return home.

“The composition class is necessary,” Raven continues. “As is history. I know some about your history. But only from my people's perspective. We did not have the most positive view of New York City.”

“Some of that is warranted,” Donna says. “Some of it isn't. But I mean – ” heavy sigh, though Raven can tell she's amused – “My people wouldn't ever have had to leave 'New York City' if there weren't any problems.”

“My idea of New York City is not overly idealistic,” Raven says. “Neither is it overly cynical. I've seen the dangers of extreme pacifism, and I'm sure we all agree on the dangers of warfare.”

“A necessary last resort,” Koriand'r says. “But when you have to fight, you cannot hold back.”

Raven knows why Koriand'r's perspective differs from hers, but she's not sure she'd ever be able to agree on this point. Her power, unrestrained, could decimate a universe.

The three of them finally get their chance to order their cookies. Koriand'r gets m&m. Donna gets chocolate chip. And Raven tries peanut butter. They walk to a nearby area with benches. There's already a family sitting on the bench across from them. Koriand'r and Donna seem unbothered by their presence. They just each sit down.

Raven tries. She sits next to Donna.

“So,” Donna says after they've each eaten about half a cookie. “NYC experiences. Has anyone made you see Star Wars yet?”

Raven shakes her head.

“Vic and Robin got in an argument about it once,” Donna says. “About 'best viewing order'. Vic was team start at episode one, watch things in chronological order. Robin was pro 'you don't understand , you're supposed to watch episodes one through three with the tragedy in mind, that's what makes it tragic ; you can't stop it even if you know' – except I can't tell you the tragedy on account of spoilers.”

Raven nods. She has no clue what to say here. Though she's not sure why Donna's being so careless with her friend's superhero name. “Why do you keep calling her Robin?”

Donna looks around, as if to verify no one's listening, and whispers, “Well it's a regular girl's name so it's not really blowing anything, and that's what she asked to be called by. Besides. We call you Raven.”

“Because Raven is my name.” But Raven doesn't push it. She doesn't know what's going on with Robin, but she has been avoiding her a bit lately. Sometimes Robin wants to help her or for her to open up and well. That's just. Uncomfortable.

“More people should be named or name themselves after birds,” is Koriand'rs contribution. “Nature is a nice theme. I would be seriously tempted to name my child after a peregrine falcon.”

“That might raise some eyebrows,” Donna says.

“So do most fun things.”

Raven doesn't comment.

What could she say, besides the fact that she knows she'll never have kids?

And either way. Clever references don't change the fact that they're still talking about all this in public. Raven was sure that Donna was just as worried about her secret identity as Wallace was.

She wonders if Wallace is afraid of her.

He seemed frightened, the other day. With Beldon. He feared her power. She can't blame him, although she desperately wishes she could, because she also fears her power.

The three finish eating and start walking.

“Am I an intimidating woman?” Raven asks.

Donna laughs. “Of course not! You're like, the nicest person I know!”

Raven wonders if Donna would still be able to laugh if she knew how much work that took.

Koriand'r, however, has a different answer. “You could choose to be intimidating if you wanted to be,” she says. “The fact that you don't speaks to your character.”

Raven does not like having the option to choose to be intimidating. She's worried she'll make the wrong choice.

The talk of Raven's potential power seems awkward in conjunction with the bright and busy mall, full of mostly happy shoppers.

“So is the purpose of this to buy things?” Raven asks.

“It's to have fun,” Donna says. “Buying things is a side effect. Like you could do the whole thing without buying anything, just trying on clothes and putting them back. But it's nice to get what you want when you see it and get a snack to keep your energy up.”

Raven's surprised to hear Donna admit to needing a snack to keep her energy up. Both she and Koriand'r seem boundless in their energy and physicality. Raven's sure that even if one of them wasn't Tamaranean and the other wasn't an Amazon, they still would be physically strong.

“The snack at the mall is nicer than the snack at the tower,” Raven admits. Because for a while, the only snacks at the tower were individual serving chip bags, of which Victor and Robin always accused Garfield of stealing the 'good flavors' and leaving them crap. In Raven's opinion, none of the chips were particularly good. She had tried to resolve this: “So, Victor, my understanding is you are resentful that Garfield left you only 'cool ranch'.” “You got that right!” he'd said. And she'd asked Garfield: “Why does it matter which unappetizing flavor of chip you eat? Can you not leave some of the slightly less unappetizing flavors for the others?” And then all three people started yelling.

“It's a shame no one wanted to do the rotating snack schedule that Robin proposed earlier,” Koriand'r says. “I really liked Donna's baklava.”

Donna practically beams. Then, she scowls, but she doesn't really seem angry. Raven gets the idea the face is supposed to convey something, but she doesn't know what.

“Yeah, except some people spilled walnuts all over the place and Gar said it was okay because he could just lick up the crumbs!”

That was... certainly something. The part that no one can say out loud is that at least Garfield turned into a dog before licking up the crumbs.

The three of them arrive at Koriand'r's shop. Well, the shop Koriand'r wants to go clothes shopping in. It seems more targeted than JC Penny's. There's only clothing that Raven understands are for women here.

Koriand'r dashes in the store excitedly.

Raven bites down a stab of jealousy.

She shouldn't feel this way. She knows this. (She shouldn't feel anything at all).

But feeling how excited Koriand'r is about everyday activities, feeling how quickly she exhibits protectiveness from her friends just being mildly disparaged, even feeling her strange emotions towards Donna, isn't fair .

She sounds like a child, asking Azar: Why must I stay inside the temple meditating? Why must I learn to control myself so? It isn't fair!

(Such fits were rare, but she could feel, even then, the fear in Azar when Raven expressed doubt in her teachings or impatience with her training).

“Come on,” Donna says to Raven, who is still in the door of the shop.

Raven walks inside.

At least the music is peaceful. Nothing like the blaring music outside the one dark shop they passed that smelled like Garfield. This store just has nice music and mostly no smells, which is good.

Koriand'r is looking at dresses as well now. A black one with a slit across the breasts. That would... certainly emphasize something. A yellow one with shiny fabric. A white and black one with a plaid ' like pattern. And a multicolored plaid dress.

Koriand'r doesn't give the black dress a second thought. Raven can tell. It's actually –

Once she gets past the envy she's not allowed to have, it's almost nice to be around her like this. Koriand'r is mostly contemplative, somewhat excited, but just... general positive emotions that aren't too overwhelming.

“I think you would look super sexy in this one,” Donna says, holding up the black dress.

Koriand'r shrugs. “Yes, but it's so boring . There's no color!”

Donna looks between the dresses, and says, “I guess you're right. But you're colorful enough for anything!”
“I'm also sexy enough for anything,” Koriand'r says. She grabs the multicolored plaid dress. “I am leaning towards this one . But I shall try them all on, of course.”

Of course, Koriand'r doesn't actually go straight to the dressing rooms. She browses past different outfits, jeans ( I understand it would be considered rude among people in New York City to say this to your bosses, but these jeans are nicer than the ones I advertise she says to Donna), and accessories. Koriand'r grabs a shiny belt and says if she gets the black dress, it needs nice accessories like a shiny belt and a colorful jacket.

Raven doesn't speak much. But she doesn't need to. Koriand'r and Donna speak enough for all three of them. And... this gives her a taste, she thinks. A taste of what normal people do. A taste of what life would be like, if she were allowed to even be envious. And as long as she's just tasting, it's not dangerous.