Chapter Text
Is it too much to ask
I want a comfortable bed that won't hurt my back
Food to fill me up
And warm clothes and all that stuff
Shouldn't I have this
Shouldn't I have this
Shouldn't I have all of this, and
Passionate kisses
Passionate kisses, whoa oh oh
Passionate kisses from you
– “Passionate Kisses" Lucinda Williams
+++
Mr. Frog had lost his face. This was the point at which the fire in their shared home in Peekskill became emotional for Blair. It wasn’t that she felt anything but sympathy for Mrs. Garrett and the loss of the business she had poured all her money and effort into for the past two years. But to Blair, Mr. Frog was an individual – the last little stuffed creature that stayed in her bed, long after the rest had been consigned to a display shelf or left in her childhood bedroom in the city – an anthropomorphized friend she could cling to on the rare occasions when she needed a little comfort or couldn’t sleep.
Jo’s response to the fire had been to roll up her sleeves and get to work. Their home and Mrs. Garrett’s business were literally broken, and if there was one thing Jo understood, it was how to fix things, or get them fixed. That it was her coping mechanism as well worked in everyone’s favor. Her main concern in the aftermath was to be sure the repairs to the house and store were made correctly and at a price they could all afford, since they had agreed to become partners in the new venture. She had handed over her insurance check willingly – been the first to do it, in fact – but quietly questioned the idea of a knickknack store, and publicly criticized the slapdash approach George Burnett had taken to fixing the place up. Money, which was scarce for her and for Mrs. Garrett, was being wasted. When she finally made peace with the plan for the new store, Jo brokered a solution that allowed the project to be completed, and the little family to move back into the house.
And Jo had also spent a long Saturday riding around to toy shops and discount stores, looking for a new Mr. Frog. When she’d given it to Blair, publicly and nonchalantly, she’d made up a story about finding lots of them at K-Mart. She wasn’t sure why she’d done it, but it felt more natural than admitting how she’d spent that day while everyone else worked on the store. She just said she had errands to do.
As repairs continued, the five of them had spread out among friends in Peekskill, crashing on couches and in sleeping bags; all except for Blair, who had checked into the Hyatt. But everyone spent most of their time at the house when not in classes. Jo could be found drawing up budgets and financial projections for the new business, scowling when someone suggested they stock a new item that she thought was frivolous and unlikely to sell. Mrs. Garrett took to walking by the table where Jo sat, putting a hand on her back and pressing down as she offered some endearment or encouragement to her watchdog. Blair would pass by the table too, her approach extra affectionate since the new Mr. Frog had arrived.
Jo’s temporary lodging was the floor of a field hockey teammate’s dorm room, a situation about which Blair had opinions. Why, she said, didn’t Jo just join her at the Hyatt in her deluxe room? Jo said she would feel awkward if she and Blair were living it up in comfort while Mrs. Garrett and the other girls were stuck couch-surfing, This didn’t make a lot of sense to Blair, but she accepted it for the first few days. Then she started inviting Jo to the hotel to study or to hang out after dinner. Soon, she complained that she was lonely by herself in the big room, and begged Jo to stay over, just to keep Blair company. Jo gave Blair two nights, then regained the dorm room floor, at least to sleep. Blair let her go, so long as they could still spend evenings together.
Their dynamic was much as it had been during the summer. Conversation was easy between them. That’s also where Mr. Frog was, perched in the center of the Hyatt bed, with Louie the Lemur’s tail wrapped around him as they all lay propped up on pillows, watching TV or reading for class. Jo privately found it to be adorable. They talked about the fire and about the turmoil it had caused in the household. Jo grumped about the store plans and the progress of the work. But whether it was because they were not back in their familiar bedroom – scene of plenty of fights – or just because they had been so wrapped up in each other all summer, the two of them were more in sync than they ever had been.
One day toward the end of the remodel, Jo arrived at Blair’s room alone, after class. She opened the door with her key and before noticing the room was empty, called playfully, “honey, I’m home,” in the time-honored style of couples playing house. It struck her though, as she heard herself say the words. She and Blair had lived on their own together for three months, were now all but doing so, and Jo, as de facto bookkeeper for the shop, had a proper job. Why couldn’t she and Blair just strike out on their own, and find a little apartment in Peekskill?
Jo realized that being with Blair was starting to make her want things. She’d grown up resenting her family’s poverty, and had embraced “getting out” of the neighborhood to come to Eastland and Langley. But Jo was not a person who craved specific material possessions, like a house in the suburbs or a nicer wardrobe. She worked to ensure she never had less today than she had yesterday, and so that those she cared about could always have more. But now, she found herself imagining that she and Blair owned things together, making decisions together, maybe having a dining room where they could invite friends for dinner. She hadn’t even gotten far enough with her daydreaming to give the kind of life she was thinking about a name, but she knew she wanted it to be with Blair. And playing house at the Hyatt, of all places, when the fire had brought their lives to a crossroads, was causing Jo to feel more as though moving out of Mrs. Garrett’s house was a thing she might want to do at some point.
+++
There had always been two pairs in the four musketeers; Natalie and Tootie were a pair, as Jo and Blair were. And even as they all got older, the pairs remained well-defined, and the role of each was solidified. Jo and Blair were the leaders, the big sisters, and since they weren’t fighting very often these days, and so frequently operated as a unit, it was a little like they were becoming an entity of their own. You didn’t need to suspect they were an actual couple to see it.
Often, they stood together when working in the store, silently performing the steps of a sale, or collaborating as they organized a display. When one needed something, she asked for the other’s help most often. They’d begun finishing one another’s sentences, and people who knew them well could tell their humor was rubbing off on each other.
They had separate friend groups and activities at school, but they presented themselves both to the household and to the world at large as a team. “Hey Jo, will you tell Blair to call me?” a business major in Blair’s study group might say when she ran into Jo on campus. A sweaty guy in running shorts sidled up to Blair. “Hey, I got those hockey tickets Jo wanted. Will you give them to her?” After a nod, the boy thrust an envelope into Blair’s hand and breezed past.
The two of them continued to have meals or go to movies by themselves, arranging the events with just a few words between them.
“Brussels sprouts?” Jo addressed Blair, who was sitting at the dining table underlining passages in a textbook.
“Minestrone.” Blair shot back, looking up at Jo.
“OK then.” Jo was walking toward the door, scooping up her keys. Blair followed, waving to Natalie and Tootie who sat on the couch, mouths agape.
Tootie looked at Natalie as Jo and Blair closed the front door behind them.
“What was that?” the younger woman asked.
“I guess they’re going to dinner. But I feel like I missed a few steps there.” Natalie said.
+++
The trouble with dating only occasionally was that when you were interested in someone, it was headline news in the house. It was part of why Jo had always tried to keep the details of her romantic life to herself. A year ago, the four girls had spent a turbulent week in Florida, hosting a wild party, riding out a hurricane and meeting “boys.”
Jo had genuinely liked Flyman, the lead singer of a band that played in the dive bar they’d made their headquarters before all the trouble started. And they’d had a sweet connection in the chaos that followed. It had been Jo’s first relationship – was that even the word for it – since Sam, the man who’d pushed things too far when he expected Jo to become a surrogate mother for his son. And Flyman came with no structure or expectation. Jo was simply charmed by him, and he, by her. In fact, they hadn’t really kept in touch since Florida. And weeks after that trip, Jo and Blair had driven to Syracuse and come home as something more than friends.
Plenty was unresolved and simply not discussed. Was Blair still dating that Ben guy? Would she date other people? Would Jo do likewise? Somehow, they’d come to a silent agreement that men didn’t count. And if one of them did accept an invitation to dinner with some guy, she would always tell the other in advance. Receiving a nod in return, the evening would go forward and nothing would be said.
Even Jo had to admit this was an odd way for people as direct as Jo and Blair usually were to behave. But it worked for her. And it certainly worked for Blair.
So when they saw the newspaper ad for an Atlantic City gig where Flyman was due to appear, Jo found herself pleased by the idea of seeing him. Blair noticed, and even helped Jo sort out the confusing signals she was getting from the rock-and-roller who was now working as a lounge singer to pay the bills.
Besides observing the Flyman interlude, Blair was playing at gambling. And she was winning, until she wasn’t, dragging Jo into the complications it was all causing. It had been a madcap sort of weekend, and on their last night in Atlantic City, Jo and Blair found themselves in their room early after dinner, exhausted and a little eager just to be in a quiet place.
Blair had been acting a bit oddly. Jo watched her, knowing it was highly likely she was meant to notice, and that soon, she would be expected to offer a “what’s wrong?”
Blair finally resorted to a trademark Warner sigh, certain Jo would react. She did, lowering the book she was reading as slowly as she could, continuing to hold it open until it reached her lap, then looking around for something she could use as a bookmark. She found a scrap of paper, placed it inside the book, set the book on the table beside her and finally looked at Blair.
“What is it Blair?”
Blair flipped her hair, a little exasperated as she always was when Jo chose not to play her assigned role as expected. “Did you have fun up there? Did you enjoy being sung to on stage?”
“Of course I did. Why else would I have gone up there?” Jo smirked at Blair. “What’s on your mind?”
“You know, Jo, we never really talked about this, did we? You just sort of decided we would come here and see what ol’ Flyman was up to after a year.”
Jo was incredulous. “You are not jealous. That is not possible.”
“Of course I’m not. I helped you find him. I watched most of your… performance.”
“Ah, but you had second thoughts when you saw how good we looked up there, didn’t you?” Jo teased.
“Well, your hairdos are certainly compatible,” Blair sniffed.
Jo’s eyebrows raised, threatening to disappear into her hairline. “I do not believe this. Not only are you jealous. You’re determined that we talk about it.”
“Are you jealous when I go out with men?” Blair sat primly on the bed, hands folded in her lap.
“Why should I be? You told me why you do it. I get it.” Jo fought the urge to pace. She wanted to give Blair the chance to speak her piece, but she was having trouble mastering her frustration.
“So you’ve never been jealous since we….” Blair was no better than Jo at putting a name to what this relationship was between them.
“Blair, that’s a no-win question. If I say I’m not jealous, your feelings will be hurt. If I say I am, you’ll be mad at me. So find another question, OK?”
“I’m a little jealous,” Blair said in a small voice.
“How come?” Jo said, letting her arms go limp at her sides.
“You lit up on that stage. When he was singing to you.”
“It’s nice to be sung to. If I was jealous every time you lit up because someone paid you a compliment… well, I would not be a very healthy person right now.”
Blair seemed to backtrack. “I’m glad you’re here with me.”
Jo came to sit on the bed next to Blair and put an arm around her. “I was looking forward to this part of the trip. I’ve been thinking about what it was like about a year ago this time. About what we said to each other.” Jo kissed Blair’s jaw, and then her cheek.
“I did consider that when I made the reservations,” Blair said as she put her arms around Jo.
“You did?”
“I put the brakes on us last summer. It was the right thing at the time, but we kind of stayed in park, to use a vehicular metaphor.” Blair gazed at Jo. “And though I got a little jealous over Flyman, I also realized that there’s something kind of important missing between the two of us.”
“Are you talking about sex?” Jo said, looking at Blair evenly, not wanting her tone to be misunderstood.
“I’m talking about whatever leads to that,” Blair said, blushing slightly. “I’m not ready to be an old married couple yet?”
“Where did that come from?” Jo wondered.
“It was something Tootie said once. We were setting things up in the store, and she was talking about you and me to someone who came in. She said we acted as if we’d been married for about 50 years. She was making a joke, but I didn’t like it. I don’t want to skip all the way to that part of my life.”
“Neither do I,” Jo said, a little horrified. “Maybe we should start bickering more – for the youngsters.”
“I have a better idea,” Blair said, slowly running a hand from Jo’s shoulder, down her arm, and letting it come to rest on top of her hand.
+++
The annual leave-taking began the day after Langley graduation. Blair and Jo had attended, cheering on friends from Jo’s field hockey team and “from Blair’s dating Rolodex,” as Natalie had put it. In truth, they were also thinking about their own graduation a year from now, as they sat together in a middle section of Warner Hall. They stuck around long enough to greet the people they knew, but begged off the various parties, citing the need to pack for the summer. In fact, Jo and Blair had a date that night. It’s not what they called these outings in public, but between themselves, they’d started using the word because it made them smile.
Jo had picked a restaurant a couple of towns away that they somehow had never tried, and they’d agreed to see “Top Gun” after. They ended the night overlooking the lake as they so often did, wordlessly exiting the front seat of the car and moving to the back, where they embraced, then snuggled in together, Blair’s head on Jo’s shoulder.
“Last time for awhile,” Jo said.
“Mmm hmm,” Blair sighed, tightening her arm around Jo’s waist.
“I’ve been looking forward to this. I missed you during finals,” Jo said as she nuzzled Blair’s cheek.
Blair gave Jo a beautiful smile. “Especially since we were studying across the table from one another.”
Jo grinned in answer. “That made it worse.”
They laughed.
“I wish we were going to see each other over the summer.” Blair leaned her head back and felt Jo’s hair brush her cheek.
“You could always blow Europe off.”
“Can’t. Several offspring of family friends are getting married over there, and Mother insists I be there with her.”
“She’s probably hoping to set you up with some groomsmen.”
“Naturally.”
“You don’t leave for two weeks. You could always come to the Bronx with me.”
“Funny, Jo. You know you don’t really want that.”
“Only because you don’t. I know you wouldn’t enjoy yourself. It’s still the Bronx.”
Blair acknowledged it was true. “I wouldn’t mind seeing Rose.”
“How about when you get home from Europe? Come out before we go back to Peekskill. Or we’ll meet in Manhattan.”
“OK.” Blair said. She was exhausted after a long day, and a week of finals. Jo heard the tiredness in her voice and pulled Blair into her lap. Blair curled her arm around Jo to hold herself steady.
Jo spoke softly into Blair’s ear. “Do you want to go home and get some sleep?”
“Not on your life!” She kissed Jo and then snuggled against her again.
“I’m not complaining. You feel so good,” Jo said, breathing deeply and giving Blair a gentle squeeze.
They held each other quietly, drinking in the moment, Jo feeling Blair’s heart beating against her, and smelling the familiar scent of her hair.
“What are you thinking about?” Blair asked after awhile.
“The long, hot summer ahead.”
They laughed together.
Blair put a finger under Jo’s chin. “Are you really going to work six days a week in that garage? I hope you can find time to have some fun.”
Jo wanted to change the subject. She’d carefully planned her summer, and budgeted the money she expected to earn so she could build a little nest egg for herself. The last thing she wanted to talk about with Blair was her finances. “Will you have time to draw while you’re in Europe?”
“Unlikely. But I want to. I’ll try to slip away to visit some museums at least.” Blair repositioned herself so that she could look at Jo when she spoke. “Some time, I’d like to take you to the museums I’ve been to. We could go to Florence and Rome. Yes, I think an Italian vacation would be just the thing for you and me.”
“Dreaming big tonight, aren’t you?” Jo laughed.
“You won’t always be a college student. We have plenty of time to plan a wonderful trip for us. There’s so much I’d love to show you in Italy. And there’s a lot I haven’t seen that we could discover together.”
Jo understood Blair wasn’t offering to pay for a trip for them, but pointing the way toward a time when Jo could afford to travel. But curled up together, facing months apart, she secretly thought that if Blair offered to take her to Italy this summer, just the two of them, looking at museums and maybe riding through the Italian countryside in a convertible, Jo would be hard-pressed to say no – nest egg notwithstanding. She allowed herself to imagine the two of them occupying an old stone house, high above a quaint Tuscan town. Her breath involuntarily hitched at the image, and Blair raised her head from Jo’s shoulder to look at her.
“What?”
“You put a picture into my brain.” Jo smiled shyly, feeling caught, and wondered whether she should say more. Seeing Blair’s beautiful face so close and so contented decided her. “I was thinking about what it would be like to make love to you in an Italian villa.”
“Oh!” It was a startled moan from Blair, and it thrilled both of them.
Jo kissed Blair passionately. They spent several long minutes that way, hands roaming across their connected bodies.
“I guess I don’t need to apologize for saying that then?” Jo gave Blair a mischievous smile.
“Never doubt that I want you Jo. It’s becoming difficult for me to stop this sort of thing once we get started."
“It will happen for us when you feel like you’re ready. But I really like hearing you say you want me.”
"I want us to talk about it when we get back in the fall. But you know, do more than talk about it.” Blair tightened her grip on Jo and gazed at her seriously.
“Really?" Jo looked back into the brown eyes, searching them for the truth of what Blair was feeling.
"I've been thinking about it a lot,” Blair said quietly.
Jo gave Blair a little growl. "Whenever you want me to rock your world, just say the word.”
"And what makes you think I won't be rocking your world?”