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You would always remember the last time you and Spencer were intimate before your break up.
That’s not to say it was because it was particularly earth shattering or anything like that.
It was mostly perfunctory. He’d come home after being away on a case for over a week. You were woken by his lips on your neck.
You could see in his eyes it had been a bad one. So you allowed him to use you for stress relief. There were no words shared between you afterwards. He’d simply rolled over and gone to sleep.
It wasn’t new for him not to talk to you. Over the last few months he’d become more and more distant to the point the two of you barely spoke at all.
You knew you were heading for the end, and not a few days later the two you decided to call it quits on your four year relationship.
You moved out of what was once just his apartment. You were sad but you knew it was for the best. Things with Spencer hadn’t been good for a long time.
You didn’t hang onto that memory of your last time because it had been your last time.
There was one simple reason you would never forget that night: the tiny plus sign on the pregnancy test.
You planned to tell Spencer sooner. You tried to tell him. But every time you text him to ask if he would meet you for coffee he was working or too tired from working.
You were sixteen weeks and just starting to show. You could still get away with wearing oversized clothing and not have your bump be noticeable.
You wore a particularly large sweater when you went to Spencer’s apartment that night. You knew he wasn’t on a case because you still spoke to Garcia and she’d informed you that they had the night off.
It was the first time going back to the apartment since you’d moved out and you had to push past how weird it felt being back here.
You slammed on his front door, angry and frustrated at him for not making time to see you. You were angry and frustrated at the situation, of all the times you could have gotten pregnant of course it had to be the last time.
Hell, you were angry and frustrated at everything these days.
When Spencer answered the door he wore his flannel pajama pants and an old t-shirt. His hair was all over the place and had several days of stubble growth on his cheeks.
“What do you want?” He rubbed his eyes with his palms.
“It seemed like the only option when you kept refusing to meet with me.”
“I’ve been busy. You know how my work schedule is.”
“Well, you’re not working now and we need to talk.” You pushed your way past him and inside the apartment.
What struck you first was how little it had changed. Not that you’d expected Spencer to have had the apartment redecorated in the last four months but you’d thought he might do something.
There was a single light from a small lamp on the bureau and the curtains were all closed. There was a mug on the coffee table that had steam rising from it and open books scattered all around.
Spencer hurriedly made his way to the mess and started gathering up the books before stuffing them back on the bookshelf.
“You don’t have to tidy up on my account.” You hovered by the door.
“I’m not.” He scoffed. “Why are you here?”
His shoulders were slumped and he looked as though he had so many things weighing heavily on him.
You almost felt bad for him.
“Why are you being like this?”
“Like what?” He folded his arms across his chest.
“So hostile. We loved each other Spencer! We were together for a really long time. I thought our breakup was amicable, I thought we could still be in the same room together at the very least.”
Spencer moved back across the room closer to you. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking. You never could.
“Not everything is about you, Y/N. I have every right to be in a bad mood and it not be because of you.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing!” He sighed loudly. “Why are you here?”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“So talk.” He clenched his jaw.
“Maybe I should come back at a better time.” You shook your head turning towards the door.
“There won’t be a better time.” He spat. “Just tell me what you came here to say and leave!”
You spun back to face him.
This was certainly not the Spencer Reid you’d fallen in love with. He’d never talked to you like this, looked at you like this.
This wasn’t the man you wanted to be the father of your unborn child.
“You know you’re the reason we broke up, don’t you?” You found yourself saying. “Our break up was entirely your fault.”
“I thought it might be.” He rolled his eyes.
“You shut down! You shut me out! You barely even looked at me, let alone talked to me! I tried Spencer, I tried so fucking hard and I got nothing in return.” You were suddenly shouting.
“Is this why you came here? To yell at me and tell me what a terrible boyfriend I was? Because I’ll tell you, Y/N, I am not in the fucking mood.” He rubbed his temples.
“You’re never in the mood, that's the problem! Every time I tried to talk to you, you were in a bad mood. And I never said you were a terrible boyfriend. You were a wonderful boyfriend. Right up until those last few months.”
“Well it’s a good job we’re broken up then.”
“You are completely fucking impossible. What happened to you Spencer? Where did the man I love go? You used to be so sweet and kind and it’s like you just changed over night.”
“Things change. That’s life, Y/N.” He rubbed his temples again and turned his back on you.
Anger coursed through your veins and you snapped. You came up behind him and grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him back around.
“Don’t turn your back on me when I’m trying to talk to you!”
“You’re not talking, you’re yelling! And I don’t need to stand here and listen to it. This isn’t your apartment anymore, Y/N, so kindly leave.”
“Not until I say what I came here to say.”
“So just fucking say it! Say it and leave so I can get some damn peace!”
“I’m pregnant you asshole!” You screamed, unable to hold back.
Your words looked as though they’d physically hit Spencer as he suddenly stumbled backwards.
He stared at you wide eyed, his breath caught in his throat.
“Y-you’re…” he croaked.
“Sixteen weeks.” You confirmed before he inevitably asked if he was his or not. “I wanted to tell you sooner but wouldn’t give me a chance.”
He fell back to the couch, still staring blankly at you.
“Pregnant.” He swallowed. “You’re…we’re…we’re having a baby?”
“Yes.” You placed your hands on your stomach, tightening the fabric of your sweater so he could see your small bump as though you needed to prove it to him.
He rubbed his eyes with his fingertips and when he looked back at you, you were sure you saw tears in his eyes.
“Fuck.” He croaked. “This is such fucked up timing.”
What followed was several hours of tears from both of you. And for the first time in a long time, you actually communicated with each other.
You both decided that it wouldn’t be right to try and make things work between you just because you were having a child together. It wouldn’t be fair on anyone.
But you also decided that you would be amicable with each other, you would be friends and you would co-parent your child.
You both fell asleep on Spencer’s couch that night, cried out and talked out.
Maybe this baby was a good thing. Maybe it could bring you closer together again, even if only as friends.
Because the ship had most certainly sailed on you being anything more than that. But now there was a baby involved, you would always be part of each other’s lives.
You were tied together now, for the rest of your lives. But maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing.
***
Five Years Later
You carried the mugs of coffee through to the living room, manoeuvring around toys, colouring pencils and small shoes littered about the floor.
It had become your norm. The house was never tidy. It was impossible to keep on top of things with a boisterous four year old ruling the roost.
“And this is a pony!” Evie beamed, proudly showing him the last in a string of drawings she’d done this morning alone.
“I love this. Can I keep this one?” He asked her softly.
“Of course you can, daddy!” She giggled, her wild hair bouncing as she did so.
Evie Reid-Y/L/N was the absolute spitting image of her father. She had his thick, messy curls, his deep hazel eyes and his lopsided smile.
If it weren’t for the fact you carried her for nearly ten months, you would wonder if she was even yours.
You set the coffees down on the table and sat next to him on the couch. Evie stood in front of him, her tiny hands on his knees as she bounced up and down.
“Where did you go for your trip this time, daddy?”
You always referred to Spencer’s BAU cases as trips , she was too young to understand what he did and why he was away so often.
“Well little bean, I went to New York this time.” He smiled at him and it warmed your heart seeing them together.
Spencer had called Evie bean since you were pregnant and he’d never stopped. Spencer was the only one allowed to call her it, when you tried you got scalded by the sassy toddler.
“What was it like?” Her eyes were wide and excited the same as they always were when he told her about his trips.
“It was noisy and very busy.” He laughed.
You saw her eyeing his satchel and you both knew why.
Spencer glanced at you with a soft smile before looking back at your daughter.
“What do you think daddy has in his bag, Evie?” He asked her, stroking back her untamed hair from her face.
“Did you bring me anything?” She asked like butter wouldn’t melt.
Spencer laughed and fished around in his satchel.
Every trip he went on, he always brought Evie a cuddly bear from whatever state he was in. She had a ridiculously large collection of themed bears from all over the country.
He pulled out the tawny bear dressed as the Statue of Liberty and placed it in her little hands.
“I love him!” She beamed, cuddling him tight. “What’s his name?”
“Hmmm.” Spencer mused, glancing at you again. “What does mommy think?”
“I think his name is Apple.” You smiled at your daughter.
“Apple!” Evie squealed, hugging the beat tighter. “I’m going to introduce him to his new friends! Thank you daddy!”
She clambered on his lap and kissed his cheek sloppily before jumping back down and fleeing the room.
Once she was gone, Spencer picked up his coffee and sat back on the couch looking at you.
Co-parenting had been hard at first. The two of you hadn’t always seen eye to eye on how to raise your daughter and it led to a lot of falling outs and arguments.
Eventually you’d fallen into a groove and managed to put aside your differences for the sake of your daughter.
You’d become something akin to friends you supposed. Although it was always going to be a little weird.
“So,” Spencer sipped his coffee. “How did she take the news about Liam?”
“Surprisingly well. She’s a kid, she’ll bounce back.”
Liam was the only person you’d dated since you and Spencer split up. You’d been together since Evie was two and she’d grown quite fond of him.
That was probably the only reason the two of you had lasted as long as you had. But ultimately you didn’t love him, not the way you should have. It had been fated for failure from the beginning.
“You were too good for him.” Spencer’s eyes sparkled a little.
“You think I’m too good for everyone.” You rolled your eyes.
“Because you are. Even me.” He placed his free hand on your cheek and it sent a shiver down your spine.
It was so unfair that he could still have that effect on you.
“I have something I need to tell you.” You whispered.
Spencer placed his coffee back on the table.
“I actually have something to tell you too.”
Before you could reply, he shuffled closer to you and kissed you softly.
You sighed into the familiarity of his lips on yours.
The main reason you’d ended things with Liam was because of Spencer.
He’d shown up at your door one night around three months ago when Evie was at a playdate.
You’d shared a few glasses of wine and you’d ended up in bed together.
You’d ended things with Liam the very next day.
Since then the two of you had been growing closer. You hadn’t slept together again but he often kissed you when Evie wasn’t looking, stealing glances and touches whenever he could.
You felt dizzy when the kiss ended, like you always did when he kissed you.
“Y-you go first.” You stuttered.
Spencer smiled softly at you and threaded his fingers in yours.
“These last few months have been amazing.” He stroked your knuckles with his thumb. “But…”
“But.” You swallowed hard, preparing yourself for a blow.
“Not a bad but.” He laughed lightly. “At least I hope it isn’t.”
“What is it?” You chewed your lip, feeling oddly nervous.
“I want more, Y/N. I want to tell Evie. I want us to all live together and be a proper family. I don’t want to sneak around with the mother of my child, with the woman I am still so incredibly in love with.”
A small whimper escaped your lips at his confession. Your mouth dried up instantly and tears sprung to your eyes.
“You s-still…love m-me?” Your lip quivered.
“How can I not?” He used his free hand to cup your face again. “I never stopped being in love with you, Y/N. I want us to be a family more than anything else in the whole world. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
You exhaled a shaky breath and wiped at the few tears that had rolled from your eyes.
“That kind of leads on quite nicely to what I wanted to tell you actually.” You exhaled again.
“What is it?” He stroked your cheek lovingly.
You glanced over your shoulder to make sure Evie wasn’t in earshot before looking back at Spencer.
“Well uh…how do you feel about being a family with two kids?” You placed your hand on your stomach.
Much like all those years ago, Spencer’s eyes widened and he went limp, his hands falling to his lap.
He stared at you, tears swimming in his eyes.
“You’re pregnant?” He croaked.
“Apparently so. I’m not on the pill anymore and we were too drunk to remember to use protection.”
“It’s…it’s definitely not his?”
“Definitely not. We hadn’t had sex in…and we always used…it’s your baby Spencer. We’re having another kid.”
Suddenly Spencer engulfed you in his arms, tears overflowing.
“Oh my gosh!” He sobbed happily into your shoulder. “We’re having another baby!”
You held him while the two of you shed some tears, but this time for different reasons than when you’d told him you were pregnant with Evie.
This time it was different. This baby was the start of something, not the end of something. This baby was a new hope, a second chance to make things right.
And Spencer was going to do everything in his power to make sure he didn’t fuck it up this time.
You, Evie and the new baby were his whole world and he would never do anything to compromise that.
When you pulled back from the hug, Evie stood in front of you, looking at you both in confusion.
“Why are you crying?” She looked concerned.
“It’s happy tears, baby.” You squeezed her cheek.
“Very happy tears.” Spencer took hold of your hand.
Evie frowned at you both.
“Mommy said that only people in love hold hands.” She scratched the back of her head the same way Spencer always did when he was confused.
“We are in love, sweetie.” You squeezed Spencer’s hand. “Do you think it might be nice if daddy lived with us?”
Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline.
“All three of us? Living here?” She started bouncing up and down.
“If you’d like that?” Spencer asked her softly.
“Only it won’t just be the three of us.” You added.
“Are we getting a dog?” She beamed brightly, clapping her little hands together.
“We were thinking more like a little brother or sister.” Spencer chuckled.
Evie frowned and scrunched up her nose before shrugging.
“I guess a dog could be my brother or sister.” And then she ran away again.
You looked at Spencer and he looked at you and the two of you started laughing.
“I guess we’re getting her a dog now too.” Spencer chuckled.
“I certainly wouldn’t want to be the one to tell her otherwise.”
Spencer gripped the back of your neck and pulled you closer to him so he could kiss you again.
“I love you so much, Y/N.” He whispered into your lips.
“I love you too Spencer. Always have. Always will.”