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“What’s with the long face?”
Jaemin comes up to Mark as he hides the gift for the latter inside his pocket.
It’s the 2nd of August, which means it has been 18 years since Mark was born. 18 years of his existence. 11 years of his longing and misery, trying to fill the void of what everyone has left him inside. 9 years of his friendship with Jaemin.
Jaemin, the ever annoying Jaemin Na who never stopped following him since 4th grade after handing him a small bar of strawberry chocolate.
He’s been celebrating his birthday with Mark since everyone has left him on his 7th birthday. In their first year of friendship, Jaemin gave Mark a cupcake from his favorite bakery. It made Mark teared up a bit, but he won’t admit that to his friend. Not now, probably not ever. For Mark’s 15th, Jaemin gifted him a cake. It was a cake that was baked by Jaemin and his mother. He never felt lonely during his birthdays as Jaemin has always been by his side.
“What’s in it for my 18th?” Mark asked as he lay down on the picnic mat.
“Bold of you to assume that I got something for you for your 18th,” he retorted.
Jaemin lay on his back and watched the sun rise. The top of the hill has become their favorite spot, their own spot. It doesn’t have the perfect view, considering that looking on the south part of it was the polluted riverbanks, but it was special for them in a way they could never explain.
“What’s so pretty in here?” Mark remembered asking Jaemin. All he could see was the polluted riverbanks. Abandoned.
“It is pretty, Mark,” he said as he caught up with Mark who reached the top of the hill first.
“I don’t see anything here.”
Jaemin shook his head in disbelief and held onto Mark’s head, turning it on the other side to see the other part.
“It is pretty, Mark. You just have to look in the proper direction to see it.”
He saw how pretty the lake was. How the water on the lakes could perfectly mirror the sun setting down.
Left in awe, Mark could just stare at Jaemin after hearing what he said. He never saw this side of him. All he knows is that he is Jaemin, the boy who gave him a cupcake and blew the candle before he could even blow it by himself, someone who he came in pairs with in every pair work, occasions, dances, and the likes, someone he’s thankful as he has him by his side.
Mark could only shake his head and chuckle. “I remember asking you what’s so pretty in here.”
“Hmm? Anong sagot ko noon?”
“You said that I was looking in the wrong direction. Telling me that I just have to look in the right one so I can see how pretty it was.”
Jaemin sat down properly and looked back at Mark who was still lying down. “Have you looked at it properly, Mark?”
“I did.”
Mastering up the courage he got, Mark sat down and pulled Jaemin in a hug. He cradled him in his arms and Jaemin melted and bursted out in tears.
“Sorry for leaving you, Mark.”
“It’s okay, I’m sorry for asking you to stay here even if you belong to somewhere else.”
“You were lying, Mark.”
His voice was broken, but his heart was far more.
“You never looked in the proper direction. Mark, you spent 11 years looking in a direction you should’ve looked into for a single second.”
“You won’t be here anymore.”
“I’ll always be here, Mark. You won’t see me, you won’t hear nor feel me, but I’ll be here.”
Mark cried like a kid whose ice cream was stolen. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t lose me.”
“I am losing sight of you, Jaemin. Sometimes, your voice can’t be heard anymore. I’m so afraid to lose you again.”
“Sorry,” was all he could say.
“I have to go, Mark. Please let me go.”
“I have always loved you.”
It’s the 2nd of August, which means it has been 11 years since Jaemin died. 12 years of his friendship with Mark. 11 years of his longing and misery, trying to fill the void when he left everyone. Today is when Jaemin leaves for good.
“Happy Birthday, Mark! Here’s a cupcake and a candle. I won’t be blowing it before you.”