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It was a cold, thunderless rain pouring down in a muted roar on the roof of the car. Just as deafening was the silence between Roy and Riza, which started the moment they stepped into the vehicle.
“Say something, Lieutenant,” Roy mumbled, face resting in his hand.
“You’re worrying me, sir.”
Roy loosened the collar of his shirt. It was like someone was pressing their thumb into the base of his throat. He exhaled, hoping the feeling would go away soon. It had started sometime that afternoon and refused to leave him be.
“Is it really wise to leave early?” said Riza. “It isn’t like you.”
She eyed him with thinly veiled concern as she clutched the steering wheel. It appeared he was doing a poor job hiding how he felt.
He sighed, sinking further into his seat. “Just drive, Lieutenant. Anywhere.”
“Yes, sir.”
It grew steadily darker as Riza drove, the storm showing no sign of letting up. Meanwhile, an unpleasant tingling was climbing up Roy’s arms, silently filling him with an icy dread he was helpless in fighting. His head was starting to hurt, the smear of streetlights out the rain-streaked windshield only serving to disorient him further. He clutched at his tightening throat, hand numb and as useless as a dead hunk of meat. An odd kind of gasp escaped him and he couldn’t seem to get air back in him.
He couldn’t breathe.
That sensation was like throwing a match on a trail of gasoline. The waves of anxiety he had managed to keep under control all day finally broke the dam.
“Lieutenant,” he said instinctively, but hardly heard his own voice.
“Colonel?”
His ears were ringing, growing louder and louder to the point where it was too painful to bear. This car was too small. The walls of it seemed to cram in closer, the air inside feeling much too hot. He was suffocating, slowly being roasted to death in the stifling atmosphere.
“Stop the car. Stop the damn car!”
The car barely screeched to a halt as Roy flung open his door and stumbled onto the sidewalk. Somehow he managed to stay on his feet, but not for long. He staggered a few steps toward a light post before he landed in a puddle.
“Colonel!”
The startled shout was followed by a car door slamming shut. Boots stamping wet cobblestone drew near and stopped close behind him. Roy hardly acknowledged it. He was drenched in an icy sweat before the rain had even touched him. Every breath was a battle, a fierce fight to draw each inhale through constricted lungs. It was like his stomach wanted to flee his body and he had to fight to keep it swallowed down.
“Colonel, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”
He couldn’t answer her, trembling on all fours as he tried keeping himself from collapsing entirely.
Roy could feel Riza’s hand resting over his now soaked back. Rain fell like a waterfall, as if threatening to crush him. When had it gotten so heavy?
“I’m calling a doctor,” she said, but Roy caught her arm before she could run off.
“Don’t. Please.”
She looked terrified and conflicted, already doused in cold rain as well.
“Did you get hurt, sir?”
“N-no, I just…”
He could scarcely speak, he was so winded. He didn’t care how cold and wet he was, or how his head pulsed with every beat of his racing heart. Riza. He needed Riza.
She knelt in front of him, probably to scan him for injury from his little leap from a moving car. Roy’s head crashed into her shoulder as he clutched the back of her uniform with white knuckles.
“Please, don’t go. Don’t go…”
He couldn’t say anything else, his mind a broken record. He wondered vaguely if he had officially lost his mind.
“Colonel,” said Riza calmly, stroking his sopping mess of hair, “I need you to take a breath for me. A nice deep one.”
Riza could have panicked and run off to find a phone anyway, but she didn’t. She knew him better than anyone else, and some way or another she knew what he truly needed in that moment. Perhaps that was also the reason why she agreed to leave with him early in the first place.
Roy did as she said. It was a pathetic, ragged breath of a madman, but it kept his vision from growing any darker.
“Another,” she instructed, rubbing small circles on his back. “Try to hold it a second longer this time.”
Roy did so as well, and another, and another, until Riza was satisfied. Feeling was returning to his limbs — they were cold and shivering like the rest of him. Rain pouring down his face was something he didn’t notice until just then. He might as well have jumped into a lake.
“Help me back into the car, Lieutenant,” he said in a low voice. The roar of the rain seemed so loud now that the ringing in his ears subsided.
“Of course, sir,” said Riza. She hoisted him onto his feet and supported most of his weight as she got him back into the passenger side. Once again in the driver’s seat, she switched off the brakes. The car jerked as they pulled out – Riza had parked on the curb.
“We’re going to my place,” she said matter-of-factly. “Needless to say, I want to keep an eye on you a little longer.”
“Lieutenant, I need to get back to the barracks,” he said, though that was the last place he wanted to be. “If this is about the ‘don’t go’ comment —“
Her voice hardened. “This is about you collapsing in the street, Colonel.”
Roy did his best to swallow back the panic still lurking in his chest to give her a reassuring smile.
“I’m fine, Lieutenant. I just thought I saw something…”
The look Riza threw him asked clearly if he really was stupid enough to suggest that. It gave him an invisible burn before she turned her attention back to the road, making him shrink back further into himself. He didn’t say anything else. It was what he deserved for scaring her. He felt too weak in the heart to fight anything anyway. An even more tense silence wedged itself between them.
“I didn’t think it would rain so hard,” said Riza, softer than before.
“The signs were there,” Roy said quietly. “Clouds had been building all day.”
“I suppose I should have known,” she said solemnly. She didn’t mean the weather.
Roy paused thoughtfully.
“At least I have an umbrella,” he said, glancing her way.
He could have sworn he saw a smile tug the corner of her mouth.
Roy dozed off sometime before they pulled up to her apartment building. Riza lightly shook his shoulder to wake him.
“Let’s get you cleaned up,” said Riza, “I don’t want you to catch a chill, sir.”
Groggy and weak, Roy hardly processed what she said. He loosely clutched the sleeve of her shirt as she led the way to her apartment. He wasn’t sure how he ended up standing in her living room. After hanging up his dripping coat, he lingered there a bit awkwardly. He heard the sound of rushing water from the bathroom.
“I already added soap, so get in when you’re ready,” said Riza, emerging from the bathroom with a towel under her arm. “I’ll be there in a minute, so don’t lock the door.”
It finally clicked what she meant.
“Lieutenant, I don’t think it would be very appropriate — I mean, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable on my behalf…”
It was a surprise to hear her laugh.
“Don’t get too excited, I’m just washing your hair. The bubbles will cover you up. I don’t want to leave you by yourself in a body of water right now.”
Roy simply nodded, boots squelching as he walked into the bathroom. He peeled off his layers of soaked uniform and sunk into the filling tub. The water was hot against his clammy skin, but he was grateful to feel it at all. Once the water was high enough, he turned it off and leaned back all the way. His knees and head were the only parts of him sticking through the thick blanket of bubbles that had formed. They had a flowery fragrance to them, one he found quite pleasant.
Riza returned, wearing dry pjs and the towel draped over her shoulders. In her arms were folded up men’s clothes that she set on the counter. She slid a wooden stool to the side of the bath, now sitting shoulder to shoulder with Roy. He suddenly felt a bit flustered. He was naked, and she was sitting right beside him, looking over him as casually as she would a painting. He was covered up by bubbles, of course, but still…
“Is the water an okay temperature, Colonel?” said Riza, sorting through the bottles of shampoo.
“A-ah, yes. It feels fine.”
“This isn’t making you even more anxious, is it?” said Riza, brow furrowing.
“N-no! I just zoned out a little…”
The little fib made him feel guilty with how sympathetic a look she gave him. She placed a hand on his back, sprinkling water over his head and neck.
“If anything I do makes you uncomfortable, please tell me.”
“Like you could do anything like that, Lieutenant.”
He smiled softly as she massaged his back, scrubbing it with a warm, soapy loofah before moving up to tend his hair. Pleasure resonated through his whole body as she tickled the back of his neck.
“The soap is lavender,” she said. “It helps with nerves.”
“It smells nice. Thank you.”
Roy’s body slowly came back to life as he soaked in both the warmth of the tub and Riza’s calming presence. Such vulnerability was something he hated for himself, but there was no denying that being bathed by the most beautiful woman in the world was a nice way to make up for it. He found himself heavy in her touch, melting into it like butter as careful fingers combed sweet-smelling shampoo through his dripping wet hair.
“Watch your breathing,” she reminded him gently. “It’s getting a little fast again.”
It was cute when her motherly side showed, though he preferred not to be scolded. Fortunately for him, this was not one of those times. He leaned closer, the entire weight of his head now resting in her hands.
“Don’t fall asleep just yet,” she said. “I doubt I could pull you out all on my own.”
Roy chuckled. “I’d hate to put you through the misery of seeing my naked body in its entirety.”
Riza sighed exasperatedly. “You really are aging me tonight, sir.”
Roy gave a little laugh, but an annoying sense of shame was like a chain around his neck. A few moments passed before he spoke again.
“Lieutenant, I’m sorry you had to see me like that…like this…”
“I’m just glad you’re okay. But you have to promise me something.” Her kind gaze stiffened back to that of a Lieutenant. “You tell me sooner when you start to feel like that. A lot sooner.”
Roy nodded, looking down at his soapy knees.
“I didn’t realize how bad it was going to get so quickly. I’m…I’m truly sorry if I scared you. Now you have to babysit me all evening…”
This seemed enough for Riza, for she relaxed again.
“I really don’t mind. It’s part of my job.”
“You’re my bodyguard, not my nanny, Lieutenant.”
“The line blurs sometimes, sir.”
Neither said much for a while, Roy’s reason being he was just too tired. The panic that had throttled him so severely left him now an exhausted man who couldn’t even bathe himself.
“Let’s get you to bed,” said Riza. It must have been obvious to her how he long since passed the point where he was too tired to care about hiding his weakness.
“Yeah…that would be a good idea.”
“I don’t think we should go back out in this weather. The roads are probably flooded by now. Hopefully no one will find it suspicious that we both left at the same time and you never returned to the barracks…”
Roy waved a dismissive hand, suppressing a yawn. “It’ll be fine Lieutenant.”
He couldn’t help but be amused at her concern. At the same time, it was her who told him to stay at her apartment that night.
After changing into the fresh clothes, Roy followed Riza to where he would be sleeping. Unexpectedly, it wasn’t the living room she led him to, but her bedroom. She pulled back the covers of her bed and gestured to him to climb in.
“Lieutenant, you don’t have to,” he mumbled. “I can sleep on the sofa.”
Riza reached to toy with his bangs before pushing through the rest of his hair, soothing him like he was a fussy child. Oh, what a lovely smile she had.
“It’s all right, Colonel. I don’t mind. Besides, I have a feeling you don’t want to be alone right now.”
Roy didn’t dare protest. As if he wouldn’t want to share a bed with Riza! If she truly wanted it too, then there was nothing in the world that would make him happier.
“It’s my job to protect you, sir,” she added, “and after the events of the evening, I don’t see it fit to leave you by yourself.”
Her fingers played once again with the edge of his hairline. That gentle, caring look — Roy would have been grinning like an idiot if he wasn’t so dreadfully exhausted.
“Is all the head-rubbing necessary? Not that I mind — “
“You’ve always responded well to touch. I figured it was the best way to calm you down.”
It was embarrassing how right she was. Just a single brush through his hair with her nimble fingers and he was putty in her hands.
Roy settled in beneath the covers. He peeked through a squinted eye as he felt the bed shift. Riza had taken a seat next to him on her side, legs crossed as she picked up a book from her bedside table. Slowly to keep from being detected, he shifted his hand closer to her thigh. The back of it bumped her lightly and he started to carefully stroke the side of it with his index finger.
Riza responded with a hand pushed through his hair without the slightest hesitation, taking it in stride as if this happened every day. Her thumb glided back and forth over his ear, all without looking up from her book.
A quiet click of the light turning off shook him from a doze he didn’t even know he fell into. He remained still as Riza shifted beneath the covers to settle in for the night. He did not open his eyes, but he knew Riza was facing him.
She lingered very close to him, he could sense it. There was something she wanted to do, but hesitance permeated the air. A heated, tantalizing tension that was near impossible to still himself for. Perhaps emboldened by the veil darkness provided, she placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.
As she shifted back, Roy knew the smile on his face would give him away.
“I’ll need you to write up a report for me in the morning,” whispered Roy. “‘First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye violates fraternization laws by forcing superior officer to sleep in her bed’ – “
A pillow smacked over his head, as if to slap the kiss clean off his face.
“Goodnight, Colonel,” she said flatly.
His heart ached as she pulled away. He nuzzled closer into her side, arms wrapping snugly over her torso.
“Oh, how you wound me, Lieutenant.”
Riza laughed quietly, sympathetically. “You’re pretty needy, aren’t you, sir?”
Roy sighed, squeezing her tighter. Riza’s hand came back to life as he shivered, tucking itself beneath his shirt.
“You’re all right,” she hushed. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know, Lieutenant. Thank you.”
Maybe rainy days weren’t so bad after all. At least, not when you have an umbrella.