Chapter Text
Beast-Yeast. Literally the most god-awful place on Earthbread. Who the hell would live there anyway, I mean, come on now. In this little hellhole resided the Cookies of Darkness. They sat up in some evil castle, all high and mighty, getting way too comfortable within the notion that finding them would be nearly impossible. Nobody even actually lived in Beast-Yeast. It wasn’t exactly GPS friendly, either. They had moved in to the Tower for a few months prior, and at least that was somewhat on the map. Now, they were stuck in the middle of nowhere… again.
It wasn’t all bad. They had peace and quiet, aside from their bickering. Their arguments were juvenile, really. But they had bigger things to worry about other than who was lying to who and who ate the last slice of pomegranate pie from last week’s dessert party. They were literally about to get their shit rocked. One day, Strawberry Crepe, who served as an informant, came running in screaming about how the Ancients and their little “pets” were planning on sending an expedition to Beast-Yeast in search of them. Obviously, it struck concern amongst them all. Crepe calmed themselves and explained that it was going to be awhile before any of that happened, though, as some of the cookies had traveled to the Crème Republic to experiment on the Soul Jam. However, their master, the Dark Enchantress, had other plans.
You see, she wasn’t worried about it one bit. She actually found it really amusing! She was surrounded by incredibly powerful and intelligent (and not to mention obedient) individuals, including herself. Take them down? Darling, now that’s just wishful thinking!
Besides, it was nearly summer. She could already feel the June heat begin to set in. They needn’t worry about the Ancients and their supposed plans to kill them all, they should worry about their summer plans. No matter what happened, she knew it was gonna be a lot take in, so before they came face-to-face with impending doom, she wanted her Servants to have some fun. And she had the PERFECT idea…
That night at dinner, she planned on telling them.
“I have a proposal,” Enchantress said, folding her hands on top of the table. All of the Servants looked to her curiously, their utensils pausing midair.
“As our dear Strawberry Crepe has informed us, the other side has plans to storm our castle. We won’t ever let that happen, will we?”
They all shook their heads.
“Are you going to ask us about what we think we can do?” Licorice perked up with bright eyes. “Because I have a few—
“Your ideas are terrible,” Pomegranate said, grimacing. “I could always burn down the kingdoms. I still have many pomegranate seed gems. The flames will be larger than they last were at the village.”
“Ok that’s cool and all, but I—“
“Just raze it…” Dark Choco said, taking a drink from his glass. “It’s simple…”
“Oooh… We could feed them shroomies…!” Poison Mushrom exclaimed, clapping their hands together.
“We’ll completely annihilate them in a game of chess. They’ll be so embarrassed that they’ll die of embarrassment,” Pawn White proclaimed.
“Completely annihilate. Die of embarrassment,” Pawn Black followed up.
“I can build a crazy weapon! Oh! Maybe I’ll build one big waffle bot to stomp on all the buildings. Wafflezilla!!”
“Or you could all shut up. Ever thought of that as an option?”
They all gave Red Velvet the stare from Hell, but he didn’t seem fazed. Not one bit.
“Actually,” Dark Enchantress began, “quite the contrary. Pack your bags, we’re going on vacation!”
They averted their gaze back to their master. Now she was the idiot.
Licorice dropped his utensils to his plate with a clang, eyes wide in disbelief.
“Uhhh we’re what?”
“You heard me. Do not make me repeat myself.”
“Va…ca…tion…?” Pomegranate was trying to comprehend all of it as well. They all were. Like, vacation? For them? That was seriously unheard of…
“Mom, haven’t you realized that we’re all incredibly unequipped for this? I mean, Licorice only has long pants and long sleeves. And then he wears those dog collar like things with all those spikes and chains. He’d die of heat stroke or strangulation out there.”
“WHY YOU… YOU TAKE THAT BACK, RED VELVET!! They aren’t dog collars, they are CHOKERS! And I’m going to stab each spike through you until you die from BLOOD LOSS!!!”
“That’s quite enough,” Enchantress said, raising her hand. “I think you’ll all enjoy this vacation quite a bit, actually. I’ve chosen the perfect place. It suits us well enough.”
“If you say so… then I’ll trust you,” Pomegranate said. (Of course she would agree.)
“Kids, your thoughts?”
“Is there gonna be Wi-Fi?” Crepe asked, looking up from something in their lap.
“Yes.”
“Can we bring the chess set?” The Chess Choco twins inquired.
“Of course.”
“Can everybody eat shroomies…?!?!” Poison Mushroom beamed.
“Oh… uh… Well, everyone’s going to be on vacation, after all… I don’t see why not…!”
She really didn’t want her crew to be high off their asses the whole time. But what the hell was she going to be able to do about it.
“Cannnnnn Chiffon come?” Red Velvet asked. “I don’t want him to be alone the whole time…”
“Yes, dear. You may bring him, and there’s plenty of room for him to run around and play.
So it’s settled then?”
The Servants all nodded in agreement, voicing various versions of “yes” and “I guess so”.
“Excellent! And Strawberry Crepe, get off that SWITCH!”