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Kotetsu is a wonderful man. Kind, fiercely loyal, generous to a fault, a wonderful father, and an irreplaceable companion. Barnaby literally couldn’t ask for a better partner, both in his professional and personal life. There’s just one thing.
He is completely oblivious to people flirting with him.
Like right now, for instance. The offender in question is standing far too close to Kotetsu for comfort, smile closer to a predatory leer than anything approaching professional, and his eyes keep dropping to drag obscenely over Kotetsu’s long legs.
Not that Barnaby can blame him. Kotetsu looks stunning tonight in a pure white tux that perfectly contrasts and accentuates his gloriously tanned skin, dark hair and warm eyes. His clothes do little to conceal his sleek, toned body beneath, the hard-won result of years of Hero training. Not to mention that smile, as pure and open as a sunrise.
His ass also looks fantastic, Barnaby notes. The extra squats are really paying off.
The pushy bastard leans even closer and actually SNIFFS him.
“What’s that cologne you’re wearing?” he asks, voice a sultry purr. “It’s absolutely intoxicating.”
“Oh, you like it too?” Kotetsu breaks into a huge grin, beaming happily. “My daughter got it for me for Father’s day! Nice, ain’t it?”
“Mmm. Very.”
Barnaby takes a savage bite out of his ordeur, nearly eating the toothpick as well. He forces himself to turn away, then immediately caves and continues to spy on his partner in the reflection of his wineglass.
Now the man is pawing at his arm, kneading at the muscle concealed beneath and making lewd comments about how much he can lift.
“Thanks, I work out!” Kotetsu tenses his arm, more than happy to oblige.
Barnaby snaps up the last of his food with a harsh click of his teeth, then goes in for seconds. He’s always been an angry eater.
“Want me to freeze his dick off?” Karina asks, sneering in distaste at the spectacle. “I’d be more than happy to. Asshole’s getting more action that I ever got with him.”
Barnaby politely declines, because while he is many things, insecure in his relationship with Kotetsu is not one of them. Also, morals and shit.
He takes another sip of his champagne and mentally chides himself. He gets hit on all the time, by citizens, interviewers, and criminals alike (talk about awkward arrests), and Kotetsu never makes a fuss, never complains. It’s only fair that Barnaby show the same respect and not intervene when someone is showing interest in his partner. He deserves it, after all.
Barnaby glances over just in time to see the man reach out a hand and gently rub his thumb against Kotetsu’s beard, fingers lingering on the rough bristles.
Okay, that’s it. That’s the final straw. Nobody touches the beard except for him. Nobody.
Throwing back the last of his champagne, Barnaby swallows it down in a single gulp, places the empty glass on a table, and stalks over.
“Hi, Bunny!” Kotetsu cheerfully greets, giving him a blinding smile. “We were just talking about you!”
“A pleasure to meet you,” the slimy asshole says, holding out a hand with a stupid smug smirk. Barnaby seizes it in a crushing grip and hauls the man close to whisper in his ear.
“You have five seconds to fuck off of MY man before I personally throw you out a window.”
They’re on the thirtieth floor.
The man smiles nervously at first, perhaps thinking it to be some sort of joke, then sees the murderous intent boiling in his eyes and pales visibly. He takes a quick step back, hitting a table and nearly upsetting a food platter, then hurriedly stumbles away, getting lost in the crowd. Kotetsu gapes at him in shock, his mouth hanging open and eyes wide.
“Bunny! What the hell? That was, like, super rude!” He shakes his head in disbelief. “You just cost me a sponsorship!”
“Kotetsu.” Barnaby’s voice is calm and flat as he adjusts his glasses. “That man was flirting with you. Outrageously.”
“Whu- no he wasn’t!” Kotetsu is staring at him like he’s grown actual bunny ears. “He was just being friendly is all. I get it all the time.”
“Yes, I know. They’re all flirting with you. All of them.”
“But-”
“All. Of. Them.” Barnaby takes a step closer with each word until he’s looming over him, glasses glinting dangerously. Kotetsu gulps and breaks into a nervous sweat.
“…I…what?”
“You seriously didn’t know?” Keith says from nearby, raising an eyebrow. “My friend, I was in a one-sided relationship with a robot, and even I could tell he was flirting with you.”
“What…but…why?!” Kotetsu just looks confused, the poor, dumb, sexy man. “I’m…old.” He gestures to himself, and Barnaby happily runs his gaze up those long, slender legs, narrow waist, and strong shoulders. He grins sardonically, mouth pulling up and the corners of his eyes wrinkling in that way that makes him utterly ravishing. “Come on, no-one’s actually interested in this.”
Barnaby clears his throat.
“I mean, except you. But you have to be, cuz you’re my boyfriend-”
“Kotetsu, sweetie, it’s time you realized,” Nathan cuts in, fluttering their eyelashes as they sashay over. “Everyone’s interested in you.”
Kotetsu laughs nervously.
“Oh, really now, everyone? Even the other Heroes?”
“Agnes, too.” Pao-lin adds, joining the conversation. “I’ve heard her say she’d ‘hit that’.”
“She probably meant, like, literally,” Kotetsu argues.
“Face it, Kotetsu. Everyone thinks you’re hot,” Barnaby says flatly, “even Pao-lin.”
“Pao-lin doesn’t count, she likes girls-”
“Hey!” Pao-lin frowns at them. “I’m a lesbian, not blind. Even I can tell you’re a total DILF.”
“What’s a-”
“Oh my God, Google it later!” Karina cuts him off shrilly, her face red.
“Okay, look,” Kotetsu begins, holding up his hands, “I appreciate you guys trying to boost my confidence, but this joke’s gone on long enough-”
“Keith thinks you’re hot,” Barnaby says.
“Aw, come ON, he’s like the straightest one here-”
“I am not ashamed.” Keith flashes him a stunning smile and added thumbs-up combo. “You are a very handsome man, Kotetsu, and if I was not strictly heterosexual, I am sure I would be honored to have sexual relations with you!”
“Uhh…thank…you?” Kotetsu manages, flabbergasted by the strange compliment.
“You are most welcome!”
“I’ve caught Antonio looking at your ass while you were changing in the locker room,” Barnaby continues.
“Oh my God, it was, like, one time!” Antonio shouts from across the room. “It was a moment of weakness, just move on already!”
“Seriously, man?” Kotetsu looks at his best friend in betrayal. “…How was it on a scale of one to ten-”
“SHUT UP!”
“I’m pretty sure Ivan has a crush on you.” Barnaby nods over at the shy young man, whose slouch deepens as everyone’s attention turns to him.
“I do not,” he mutters, then immediately blushes and spills his drink when Kotetsu looks at him. “…Okay maybe just a little one-”
“And Karina-” Karina’s glass shatters in her hand. “…is the only one who thinks you’re a fugly old man,” Barnaby finishes. “But everyone else thinks you’re hot.”
“You can’t expect me to believe all this!” Kotetsu cries, looking around at his friends imploringly. “I mean, I know I’m dense, but I’m sure I would have noticed-”
“Nathan straight up offered to suck your dick.”
Kotetsu opens his mouth to argue, but nothing comes out for a long moment.
“…Alright you got me there.”
“Offer’s still open,” Nathan coos, winking at him. “In case you’re interested.”
“Uhh…maybe another time?” Kotetsu scratches his head, looking completely befuddled. “Huh. Maybe I am a little dense. I mean, Tomoe did say something like that to me in high-school.”
“How did she even get you to realize she was interested?” Barnaby asks, genuinely curious.
Kotetsu turns red.
“…I swear to God if you say she offered to suck your dick-”
“NO!” Kotetsu sputters, waving his arms. “She didn’t- I swear-”
“She literally went up to him and said ‘you’re my boyfriend now’,” Antonio helpfully supplies, walking by with a platter of food, “and he just kinda went along with it.”
“Like I was going to argue with the prettiest girl in school!” Kotetsu scoffs. “It was true love!”
“She let you touch her boobs.”
“TRUE LOVE!”
“Aww, that’s so sweet. I want that.” Nathan sighs wistfully. “Antonio, let me touch your butt-”
“No! Get away from me!”
“So, wait,” Pao-lin says, tipping her head to the side as she thinks, “Barnaby, how did Kotetsu know you were interested?”
“He didn’t realize we were dating for three months,” Barnaby states matter-of-factly. Everyone stops.
“Three months?” Pao-lin gapes at Kotetsu in disbelief.
“Hey, it’s perfectly normal to go on candle-lit dinners and romantic movie nights with my best friend/platonic work-partner!” Kotetsu protests. “…And kiss a little-”
“Three. MONTHS.”
“I thought he was shy,” Barnaby continues with a shrug. “Turns out he’s just dumb.”
“…I would be offended if that weren’t true,” Kotetsu grumbles to himself. “I figured it out eventually, anyway-”
“Yeah, when I started getting undressed-”
“Whoa!! TMI!!” Karina screeches, covering her ears. “You two are disgusting!” She storms off in a huff and Pao-lin chases after her while Nathan chases after Antonio, and Keith is set upon by a group of photographers, Ivan hiding behind a plant.
“C’mon, let’s get out of here.” Barnaby takes Kotetsu’s arm and pulls him close. “I want to go over to your place and…relax.”
“Yeah okay, sure. Let’s go watch a movie or something. We can have popcorn and-” Kotetsu pauses mid-sentence, squinting at Barnaby suspiciously. “Wait, hold on. You’re doing it right now, aren’t you. The flirting thing. Right?”
“You’re learning.” Barnaby pats his shoulder.
“Okay, so…when you say ‘relax’, you don’t really mean ‘relax’…do you?”
Barnaby twines their fingers together as they start towards the exit, leaning in closer to savor Kotetsu’s musty cologne and whisper in his ear.
“I’ll suck your dick.”
Kotetsu starts to run towards the elevator.
-End-