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Am I Even Me?

Summary:

Tumblr Prompt by Anon: is there anyway that you could write a fic about Darius telling Hunter about his mentor/the previous Golden Guard? Hunter asking when he met his predecessor and what he was like or maybe a hurt/comfort where Hunter is having some angsty thoughts about "about being a copy" so Darius tells him about his predecessor and and all the differences and similarities they share and that he'd be proud of him.

Post-Hollow Mind: Hunter doesn't know who or what he is, he fears he's just the exact same as every other golden guard before him. Darius reassures him he isn't

Notes:

For those keeping up with my Dad!rius series, this is after Soccer Mom but before Going Soft. For those not keeping up witht he series this is just right after Hollow Mind (and also this can be a stand alone fic you don't need to read my series but if you want to it's linked!)

Warning: Belos, implied child abuse, Hunter's fear of being replaced/killed

Includes Sorta Parent Raine and Little Brother Eberwolf but as most of my fics go this mostly centers around Dad!rius

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Hunter ran. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him and even when they burned and groaned in protest he pushed farther.

 

He had to go. He had to leave, to hide! Belos knew he’d been in his mind and he needed to get far far away from him before Belos found and killed him like he did the others.

 

Oh Titan, the others .

 

Hundreds of other Golden Guards, years and years of clones, grimwalkers, fakes , all serving Belos until they betrayed him.

 

Was Hunter even real? He’s been cloned and recreated and brought back King knows how many times! Was he even a real witch, or a witch at all? Was he just a semi-sentient being made to serve?

 

Hunter was blinded by his panic and fear that he didn’t notice when a cloaked figure stepped in front of him, crashing right into the person.

 

Hunter sat up and went to apologize but when he saw it was Raine, he felt panic fill his chest, trying to stand back up but only falling down, scooting as far away as he could.

 

He bumped into someone else and looked up, eyes meeting Darius’ and he wanted to scream.

 

They were going to take him back, they were going to bring him to Belos, and Belos was goingto call him a traitor and then kill him! And make a new one of him and he would forget all of this and blindly serve again as an even lesser version of himself.

 

“DON’T BRING ME BACK!” Hunter begged though he knew begging was useless to covenheads, they were all taught the same thing: Show no mercy.

 

“Woah, woah, Hunter, calm down,” Raine said in that awfully sweet voice of theirs and Hunter felt his chest moving faster than he was breathing and he scrambled to stand up and tried to run but Darius grabbed him, holding him firmly.

 

“Let go!” Hunter cried out, voice raspy and desperate as he thrashed about. “Darius!” Raine scolded and Hunter felt Darius shrug as he wriggled about.

 

“I didn’t know what else to do! He’s gonna run off!” Darius defended himself. “He’s panicking!” 

 

Hunter tried to slink down out of Darius’ arms but the abomination witch refused to let go.

 

Something was on his foot and Hunter looked down to find Eberwolf sitting there, looking up at him with a saddened expression.

 

“Hunter, what happened? ” Darius asked and Hunter was breathing quickly, oh he was hyperventilating .

 

“Don't bring me back!” Hunter cried out instead and Darius sighed. “Hunter, Hunter, listen to me.” Hunter screamed out and tried to kick Darius but the older man simply lifted Hunter up and off the ground the panic increasing.

 

This was it, this was the end.

 

“Hunter, we’re the rebels!” Raine cried out and Hunter turned with wide eyes. “You’re lying!” He accused blindly.

 

“They’re not.” Darius said firmly. “They always weren’t supposed to tell you !” 

 

“Darius, does he look like he’s going to tell Belos we’re planning to take him down?” Raine asked and Hunter heaved out. “You’re what? ” He looked at them again and saw them all adorned in cloaks.

 

“You guys are why I got sent there!” He yelled.

 

“Yes! We are! And we need you to tell us what you saw!” Darius informed. “What’s got you so panicked?”

 

And then Hunter was thinking about it all again and it was like all the fight left him as he went limp in Darius arms, tears pouring down his face.

 

“Oh Titan, oh Titan!” Hunter sobbed weakly and Darius brought him back down, slowly moving to sit and bring the teen into his lap.

 

Hunter allowed himself this moment of weakness and curled up in Darius’ lap, sobbing into his gloves.

 

Rain moved to sit next to them and Eberwolf climbed up into Hunter’s lap, making himself comfortable and looking at him worriedly. Flapjack, who had been trying to keep up with Hunter’s panicked fleeing, finally caught up and twittered nearby.

 

“Hunter,” Darius’ voice was uncharastically soft, he ran a gloved hand through Hunter’s hair. “What happened?”

 

“You don't have to tell us if it’s too much,” Raine added. “But it would help us a lot with understanding what happened.”

 

Hunter let himself cry for a bit more before pressing the heels of his palm into his eyes, trying to make the pressure all around even. He brought his hands down then wrapped them around Eberwolf, who made a soft chirping sound and snuggled into him.

 

“I-” Hunter began and then he made a strangled sound.

 

“He needs water,” Raine said and looked up at Darius. “Can you bring us back to the base?”

 

“The base? Raine, we don’t know if he’ll-” “Darius, just do it, love of-”

 

A purple goop covered them all and Hunter felt uncomfortably warm for a second before the goop went away and they were somewhere new.

 

A group of younger adults (definitely younger than Darius but older than Hunter) went to greet the others but stopped upon seeing Hunter.

 

“What’s he doing here?” The shortest of them asked and Raine stood. “We’ll explain later, where’s our rations?” 

 

Raine left for a moment and Hunter was beginning to get a little more comfortable in Darius’ lap, snuggling a little closer and he felt Darius’ arms tighten around him a bit more when he did. (He didn’t know it, but Darius has been waiting for this moment for months and would later rant to Raine about it for a solid three hours before the bard witch would kick him out of their room)

 

Raine returned and handed Hunter a bottle of water and a granola bar. Hunter inhaled both and then sat up a little straighter, pulling Eberwolf closer to his chest and leaning more on Darius. Raine moved to be close and rested a hand in Hunter’s hair. 

 

The teen felt loved and supported in this moment that he almost forgot why he had been panicking but when he remembered he felt bile rise in his throat. He swallowed it down and breathed out shakily.

 

“I was in Belos’ mind,” He began and the trio went silent and listened. “And the human, Luz was there too. There was two entities there, Luz said one was Belos, and the other was the real Belos. But that wasn’t true. But we followed the small Belos around, we saw his memories. He’s a human, he’s a human who plans to wipe out all witches. And I’m-” 

 

Hunter felt tears well up again but he paused. “It’s okay, take your time.” Raine mumbled softly.

 

They were silent for a bit more, Hunter could hear the others playing games in a room nearby, grateful they had given him his privacy.

 

He pet Eberwolf, the other coven head smiling softly and snuggling against him, closing his eyes.

 

“I’m a grimwalker.” Hunter said and he felt Darius and Raine still, a strange noise coming from Eberwolf and Hunter felt his heart drop, sitting up and pulling away from all of them.

 

“You knew that?” He asked, looking at each of them. When none responded, he crawled out of Darius’ lap, moving Eberwolf off him and crawling away. “You knew ? You- You all knew and-”

 

Hunter began hyperventilating again, feeling his chest constricting. They knew, they were probably lying about the rebellion and deceiving him so Belos had an excuse to tutor him.

 

“We didn’t!” Raine said. “We didn’t know we just- we had our suspicions.” 

 

Darius was quick to hold Hunter again, Raine and Eberwolf keeping their distance a bit now though as Hunter was shaking.

 

“Little Prince, we promise we didn’t know.” Darius said and Hunter let out a weak sob.

 

“I’m a grimwalker.” Hunter repeated now. “I’m not even real! I’m just a creation, a- A clone, a copy! I’m just like all the others! I don’t- I don’t even have my own personality. He said they all betrayed him and I’m doing just that!”

 

Darius shook his head, grabbing one of Hunter’s hands and turning the teen so he was still sitting on his lap but they could face each other. 

 

“You’re not just the same as all the others, Hunter.” Darius said and Hunter pressed his lips together. “How do you know?” Hunter said, his tone on the side of accusing, as if Darius were lying to him.

 

“Do you not remember all the trouble I gave you for not being like the past Golden Guard? How much I was upset at you for trying to replace him?” Darius said. “I knew the last guard before you and you two couldn’t be more different.”

 

Hunter was silent as he listened to Darius speak.

 

“The last Golden Guard was named Jayo, not Hunter. And he was a lot more stoic then you, he was less a follower more a leader, he didn’t try and make friends like you, he didn’t listen to other coven heads like you, he wasn’t athletically inclined like you. He enjoyed math and statistics. He cared more about how he looked then how he acted, which, I guess he kinda rubbed off on my in that area.” Hunter weakly chuckled at that and Darius smiled wider.

 

“You may be a Grimwalker, but you are not a copy. You are your own person, with your own thoughts, your own name, your own hobbies and your own differences.” Darius reassured and Hunter opened and closed his fists tightly a few times before sighing.

 

“I-” Hunter paused again, hating himself for not being able to just express himself with words. “Thank you.”

 

He leaned back a bit to look at Raine and Eberwolf. “You two as well.” 

 

Hunter’s eyes suddenly widened. “Where am I gonna go?” He asked. “I can’t go back! Belos knows I was there-” Darius stopped Hunter before he could panic for the third time that day.

 

“You can stay here with us.” Darius said. “We have a few extra rooms, plenty of rations and Katya, are here all the time so you won’t be left alone when we’re all acting as covenheads.”

 

“I won’t be in the way?” Hunter asked and Darius shook his head. “Not at all. And you already helped us a lot by telling us what you saw in Belos mind.”

 

Hunter nodded and he opened and closed his hands again.

 

“Uhm,” Hunter looked around and he began picking at his lips. “I- Can I have a hug?”

 

Darius didn’t even let him finish the question, wrapping his arms tight around the blonde the moment he understood what he was asking. Eberwolf and Raine moved closer and wrapped their arms around the pair as well.

 

Hunter smiled into Darius’ shoulder.

 

Things were a little frightening, he was still scared out of his mind Belos would find him, terrified what would happen to everyone he loved and all of the Boiling Isles, but that didn’t matter right now.

 

All that mattered was the warm embrace of people who cared about him. 

Notes:

GAHHHHH loving yalls prompts sm i hope you guys are enjoying the stories coming out of it. Yall are keeping me busy and happy while my siblings are at school and my parents are at work and i have nothing left to do during the day than be alone with my thoughts lmao.

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