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“you’re joking!” i wheeze out as i slam the poor couch’s arm a couple times, laughing hard
“no, landed on his arse and all” harry said, getting up to demonstrate draco’s magnificent fall in second year earning a few more dying sounds of laughter from me.
“good god, that must’ve been hilarious,” i say as i calm down
“it certainly was.” he smiled, eyes crinkling at the corner and a dimple on his left cheek showed itself. the glow on his face from the crackling fire in our common room made his face seem even more relaxed, more beautiful even.
“ugh, i still have to study with hermione for that transfiguration test next monday. she’ll probably have her wand in a twist since i’ll be so tired” i glance at the clock,noticing it’s way past midnight.
“you could go to bed if you’d like to,” he says, offering me a side glance and a small smile.
“no,i like it here better,” i sigh in content , sinking in our common room’s couch’s cushions further.
“oh, that reminds i have this thing i have to do for seamus that i well really don’t want to do” he groans in exasperation
“well, why did you say yes then harry?” i raise an eyebrow at him in question
“oh,i don’t know... oh i know what you’re doing. stop berating me already!” he smiles sheepishly
“i didn’t say anything! i’m just saying that-“
“that’s contradictory” he snorts
i take a deep breath”i’m JUST saying that,well, you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to do everything for everyone all the time,harry.” i explain,shifting and turning my body his way.
“i know but.. “ he trails off ,not meeting my eye
“just know that you’re not always expected to do something atleast not me-“ i pause, “us-ron, hermione and i”
“yeah i wish i’d think that so easily you know i do” he runs a hand through his unruly hair ,tilting his head back a little to stare at the ceiling.
and i think about how i’d give him the world if i could. how i would collect all the stars in the universe and hand it to him if i could. i also ignore the way my heart grew two sizes bigger.
“i wish you’d be a little selfish harry,” i admit, “give less and take a little more. you deserve it more than anyone “
“and how do i do that?” he questions, now facing me.
“well,what do you want?”
“i dont think i really-“
“everybody wants something harry” i don’t miss a beat.
and i tell myself that the way my heart skipped for a second wasn’t because of him. this beautiful boy, infront of me, unworthy of this world. i tell myself that way squeezed a little when i said ‘want’ wasn’t because i desire nothing more than to pull him to me and call him mine.
“what if i want someone?”
and i stop breathing.
“i think the beauxbatons are quite a long way far from here, harry,” i joke lightheartedly but my voice sounds small.
“it’s not them. who do you think i am? ron?” he rolls his eyes playfully
“oh please, you totally stared as well. oh so is this about cho chang again?” i tease but i dont understand why i feel dizzy and why i can’t think straight.
he whispers so quietly i almost didn’t hear him say “no”
“well then?” i dont think i could trust my voice for more than a few words
“they’re.. they care about me a lot. and sometimes.. no most of the time i forget about everything else when i’m with them .”
he’s not too close to me but he feels too close and i’m almost sure he can hear my heart slamming against my chest. he’s not looking away and i don’t know why. i don’t know why he’s staring right into my eyes but i dont think he knows what he’s doing to me.
and i realize i have to say something so i reply “ well what would you like from this person”
“i think i’d like to kiss them” and his eyes are at my lips before traveling back to my eyes again.
“you should..ask them then” i breathe out.
“can i kiss you,y/n?”
and i can’t seem to have any rationality running through me at all because the next thing is that i manage to grab him by his collar and crash his lips against mine and his soft lips feel exactly how i’d imagined them. and his hand at the back of my neck supporting it is exactly how i dreamed about. and his fingers trailing gently at my sides are exactly how i fantasized them.
and i think i’d give this boy the world if i could.