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“This is fucking ridiculous!” Cheng Xiaoshi’s roar is the first thing Lu Guang hears upon returning home. His voice sounds equal parts distressed, furious and embarrassed, and the sheer force of his emotions completely drown out the annoying mechanical voice that rings every time the door opens.
“Too late to complain now,” Qiao Ling argues back. There’s a pout very prominent in her voice, and Lu Guang’s mind is immediately filled with the image of Qiao Ling putting her hands on her hips, every bit impatient and childish.
He closes the door behind him. The voices are quieter as he makes his way to the kitchen. Lu Guang can’t discern their words anymore. He doesn’t know whether it’s a good thing or not. He can’t help but feel, with childish people such as them, noise equals safety... As tiring and bothersome as it may be sometimes.
Lu Guang puts down the grocery bags he was carrying on the counter. He wonders what Cheng Xiaoshi will cook for them tonight. Lu Guang can’t help but hope they can have something grilled tonight. Or something a stronger sauce. Anything but noodles would be great, especially. But he wouldn’t complain if it was, either. Not when Cheng Xiaoshi puts so much time and effort into cooking for them every day. It can’t be easy, even if he keeps claiming to like it. Anything Cheng Xiaoshi makes will be good.
“I already said to just stop it!” Cheng Xiaoshi’s voice sounds clearer now. “It’s been so long, Lu Guang will come back any minute now!”
Oh?
Lu Guang raises his gaze in interest. For some reason, he feels very compelled to walk up the stairs and see what is going on up there. It’s a little uncomfortable, in a way. He doesn’t know why, but it bothers him.
What is it that Qiao Ling can see but Lu Guang can’t?
He’s just halfway through the stairs when he hears Qiao Ling speak again: “Wouldn’t that be even better? We’d get a second opinion... And it’s not like you don’t want him to see, is it?”
“Nonsense. Like hell I’d want that,” Cheng Xiaoshi retorts angrily. Qiao Ling giggles. Lu Guang can see their shadows on the hallway’s floor.
“How about you look at me next time you try to say that?” There’s a teasing tone in Qiao Ling’s voice. She gasps, delight clear in her voice. “Oh, my, you’re so red! It’s cute!”
“Shut up!”
Oh. Lu Guang swallows at Cheng Xiaoshi’s tone. He wishes the image of a blushing red Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t appear wish such clarity in his mind. He also wishes his heart didn’t skip a beat at it. And that his own ears didn’t feel so hot for no reason.
“I’m home,” he says in a purposefully loud voice. A flurry of sounds follow his words; the most distinct of them, the loud sounds of falling plastic objects. Lu Guang wonders if Cheng Xiaoshi’s figurines are okay. He’ll be heartbroken later if any of them end up destroyed later.
“Ah, Lu Guang!” Qiao Ling ducks her head in the hallway. Her eyes are sparkling with mirth. She hasn’t looked so proud of herself in a long time. “You arrived at the perfect time!”
There’s a grumbling in the room that Qiao Ling pointedly ignores as she ushers Lu Guang to come closer. It takes a lot of effort not to hurry his footsteps. “I heard your voices downstairs. What were you fighting about?”
“Not fighting, just arguing a little.” Is that not the same? Lu Guang thinks inwardly. Qiao Ling continues, not knowing what’s going on in his mind, “I thought it’s time we add more pics to our shop account, so I asked Cheng Xiaoshi to take some of him this time. But, as you can see—” She glances inside the room. Lu Guang peers in, as well. As he thought, a number of Cheng Xiaoshi’s figurines fell to the floor. None of them seem to be broken, fortunately. As for Cheng Xiaoshi, Lu Guang can only suppose the trembling heap of sheets on the far corner of the room is his friend. “—he’s not cooperating that well.”
“And whose fault is that?!” Amazing. Lu Guang can actually see angry veins popping on the sheets. “It’s you who came with an unreasonable request!”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Qiao Ling sighs. She turns to Lu Guang. “Either way, I’m going out with Xu Shanshan tonight. I won’t be back until morning, so please be good and take the pictures in my place, alright? Even if he screams,” she adds that last bit with a scathing tone.
Lu Guang watches Qiao Ling disappear down the hallway. He turns his attention back to the heap of sheets on the floor. At least those sheets are Cheng Xiaoshi’s. Lu Guang isn’t sure how bad his mood would get if it was his bed that was all messed up now.
He holds back a sigh of his own. Lu Guang walks around the bed. He thought he would be able to see Cheng Xiaoshi’s face if he did, but even the opening in the sheet is tightly sealed with an iron grip. Not a single inch of Cheng Xiaoshi can be seen. Lu Guang wonders why he’s so disappointed.
“Cheng Xiaoshi?” he calls in a low voice. “You know this will end a lot quicker if you just do it, right?”
There’s no answer. Lu Guang can hear the way Cheng Xiaoshi’s breath hitches. His shoulders seem to tense under the sheet cover. He looks so small, such a stark contrast against his usual bubbly self, it shocks Lu Guang a little.
He wordlessly sits down in front of him. If there’s one skill Lu Guang thinks he can take pride in, it’s his understanding of Cheng Xiaoshi. And said understanding tells him his friend is thinking right now. Considering his options, figuring out his feelings, choosing his next words—they’re all things Cheng Xiaoshi needs time and concentration to sort through.
Because he understands, Lu Guang gives him time, and silence.
The tick-tack of the clock is the only telling the time did not, in fact, stop. Not that Lu Guang would mind if it stopped. This is their room. A comfortable, familiar space that Lu Guang came to cherish and love. And this is Cheng Xiaoshi he is with. His very first and best friend. His accomplice. His—
“It’s ridiculous,” Cheng Xiaoshi whispers the very first words Lu Guang heard when he came home. The tone of his voice sounds a lot softer, though, the anger and distress nowhere to be found. All that’s left is a world of embarrassment and vulnerability that makes Lu Guang purse his lips. “You’ll laugh at me.”
This takes Lu Guang off-guard. Will he laugh? He can’t say for sure. He doesn’t have enough information on the situation to reach a conclusion. Cheng Xiaoshi clearly cares about his opinion. Things would get awkward if he somehow hurts Cheng Xiaoshi’s feelings, or pride, in this.
He definitely does not think that the idea of a hurt Cheng Xiaoshi who refuses to look or talk to him is the worst possible scenario... And the most painful he can imagine.
“If I do,” he starts carefully, “you can just do to me whatever Qiao Ling did to you.”
A pause. A snort. Cheng Xiaoshi’s entire body trembles with laughter. The grip he has on the sheets loosen a little: Lu Guang can now see the corner of a smile, a hint of a defined jaw.
“You, like this? Please!” And he laughs, bright and clear, if hidden behind the cover. Lu Guang’s emotions towards the sheets take a sudden downturn. “Will you really?”
“If that’s what it takes.” Lu Guang doesn’t like lying unless it’s absolutely necessary. His words right now are nothing if not sincere. “Cheng Xiaoshi?”
“Hm?”
“Won’t you show me?” he asks. Oh. Lu Guang hopes his voice sounds normal, and not—whatever he is feeling right now.
Cheng Xiaoshi doesn’t reply right away. When he does, his voice sounds a little nervous. “Close your eyes.”
Lu Guang does. The sounds of ruffling fabrics reach his ears. His fingers twitch. He grips his jeans to hide it. He can feel Cheng Xiaoshi’s scent clearer now. The smell of his shampoo, the last remnants of the cologne he wore that very morning, and something sweet and a little out of place. Cheng Xiaoshi inhales deeply. Maybe it’s Lu Guang’s imagination, but he can feel Cheng Xiaoshi’s breath against his face. That’s right. It can only be his imagination. There’s no way they’re so close, after all.
“I’ll punch you if you dare laugh.” Cheng Xiaoshi huffs. The corners of Lu Guang’s mouth twitch at the threat. He knows very well that Cheng Xiaoshi can and will do that if he so wishes. “You can open them.”
Lu Guang obeys. The sight before him makes him freeze. He remembers the last live they made a week or so ago and the gift Cheng Xiaoshi opened. Lu Guang would be lying if he said he didn’t at least imagine—but nothing his faulty imagination came up with can compare to what he sees right now.
The pink dress is long, reaching Cheng Xiaoshi’s feet with ease. The skirt is light and loose, giving his image an airy feeling, but the upper part is surprisingly tight on his body, Lu Guang can see the contours of of Cheng Xiaoshi’s muscles through the fabrics, but he can also see how the fabric holds his slender frame, accentuating the narrow curve of his hips.
What shocks him the most, however, is Cheng Xiaoshi’s face. It’s the subtle way in which his eyes look sharper and his lashes, longer. How his eye bags disappeared, and how his cheeks look fuller and healthier. The way his lips look just a little bit redder. How the sharp curve of his jaw looks a little softer with his hair let loose.
Powerful but also delicate. Beautiful without losing the sharp edge and confidence he always carries himself with. A fragile balance that steals Lu Guang’s breath away.
Cheng Xiaoshi’s brows furrow. He looks away with mild annoyance, “I swear, if you—”
“Beautiful.”
Oh, how great would it be if time actually stopped. That way Lu Guang wouldn’t have to face the realization of what he just said. He wouldn’t see the shock in Cheng Xiaoshi’s eyes, nor the way those painted lips part in a gasp. He wouldn’t be fighting his very inappropriate thoughts, thoughts of how soft Cheng Xiaoshi’s lips look, how would it feel to touch them with his own...
He wouldn’t have to be faced once again with the despairing reality of his feelings for this naive, stupid man.
“What did you just say?” Cheng Xiaoshi asks in an hesitant voice. Lu Guang is sure he’d be able to have a better read of it he looks at Cheng Xiaoshi’s eyes... But he doesn’t have that confidence. “Hey, Lu Guang, say it again!”
“If you want me to repeat it then you heard just fine the first time,” he retorts. Lu Guang still doesn’t look at Cheng Xiaoshi’s eyes. He adds, “Idiot.”
“But!” Cheng Xiaoshi fumbles in search of words. He’s spluttering, but none of it sounds angry, nor mildly displeased.
That’s the sole reason why Lu Guang looks up at him. His mind immediately flicks back to Qiao Ling’s teasing remark later. She was right: Cheng Xiaoshi looks very cute when he blushes.
Seeing that Cheng Xiaoshi can’t say anything coherent, Lu Guang pushes himself to his feet. “Let’s just take the photos and get over with it.” Cheng Xiaoshi nods. He stands up and takes a step towards their study table... And only then does Lu Guang realize that something doesn’t add up. “You weren’t that tall before?”
Cheng Xiaoshi is, by the very definition of the word, a surprisingly tall man. But on normal days, the difference between him and Lu Guang isn’t more than two inches. Now, it feels as if Cheng Xiaoshi grew two or three extra inches. It’s jarring. Unnatural. Lu Guang stares at the bottom hem of the dress.
“Ah, that.” Cheng Xiaoshi hooks up the skirt a little, just enough for Lu Guang to see the crimson high heels underneath. “Qiao Ling was very thorough.”
Lu Guang really doesn’t know whether he wants to thank Qiao Ling or curse her for eternity. “You have a good balance.”
“Thank you!” Cheng Xiaoshi smiles. He picks up a camera and hands it to Lu Guang. “If the pictures don’t turn out good...”
“Qiao Ling will never hear of them,” Lu Guang reassures him.
Cheng Xiaoshi nods, seemingly pleased with the answer. He tilts his head to the side, a bright grin on his face, “Let’s do it!”
Let’s do it, he said, but it’s nothing but an excruciatingly long process. Even if he claims it’s okay if the pictures don’t turn out okay, Cheng Xiaoshi refuses to settle with anything but perfection.
It’s a funny thing. He looks so carefree and confident and relaxed all the time, but deep down he’s the very definition of a perfectionist when it comes to his creations—be them photos or food or his basketball. Cheng Xiaoshi is an artist at heart, but one that hates following the rules and playing by the book.
Lu Guang is mesmerized by that side of him, all sides of him.
“Next one.” Cheng Xiaoshi lies down on the sofa. His hands fall close to his face, both palms facing up, like one of those dainty princesses Lu Guang saw in movies and comics in the past. Lu Guang stares, unsure of what Cheng Xiaoshi has in mind for the angle. “Come now,” he calls, as if reading Lu Guang’s mind. “Make a close-up on my face from above.”
From above... Does he mean...?
Lu Guang swallows. He presses his lips into a thin line before approaching Cheng Xiaoshi. He swings a leg over his friend, then sits on Cheng Xiaoshi’s waist. It’s not the first time they’ve been in this position, but the circumstances are completely different.
Before, they were fighting. Now, Lu Guang’s feelings and reactions couldn’t be more different.
“Ready?” He asks. Cheng Xiaoshi nods in confirmation. Lu Guang positions the camera, and takes the picture. He frowns at the image. It feels... “... Wrong.”
“Is the face not good?” Cheng Xiaoshi asks. The anxiety that clouded his mind and body early mostly disappeared by now, replaced by a sense of eagerness and curiosity. “Is it because it’s closer? The other photos weren’t bad...”
They were way more than just not bad, but that’s a truth Lu Guang can’t say. He shakes his head. “The expression looks forced. You need to relax.”
Great words they are, when Lu Guang himself can’t take a single good picture of himself. But he and Cheng Xiaoshi are completely different people, from their personalities to their looks. Including the fact that Cheng Xiaoshi is, in fact, the prettiest between the two of them.
“O-Okay.” Cheng Xiaoshi sucks in a breath. His expression changes a little. It’s more relaxed than before, but it still feels tight in a way. This just won’t do. Cheng Xiaoshi can probably tell it’s not right from Lu Guang’s expression. He lets out a short, nervous laughter. “Y’know, it’d be way easier to relax with a kiss.”
Oh. Oh.
Lu Guang is once again all too aware of their positions, of Cheng Xiaoshi’s beautifully red lips, and how easy it would be to just lean closer and kiss him. It’s distressing, the way Cheng Xiaoshi pushes his feelings into chaos with mere words.
“You should be careful with your words,” he warns in a low, husky voice. “You never know what’ll happen.”
“Ha! As if you would—Hm?!” Cheng Xiaoshi’s eyes widen, his breath stuck in his throat.
He completely forgot: Lu Guang hates losing and never refuses a challenge. He’s childish just like that. And, right now, what Cheng Xiaoshi proposed was...
Just like that, what’s left of Cheng Xiaoshi’s nervousness slips away from his body and mind. He closes his eyes, accepting, welcoming, and parts his lips. Lu Guang doesn’t hesitate in pushing his tongue into Cheng Xiaoshi’s mouth. It tastes sweet, like boba tea and strawberry. It’s warm, just like Cheng Xiaoshi himself.
Addicting.
Lu Guang breaks the kiss. He tries not to think of the frustrated sound that escaped Cheng Xiaoshi’s lips, of how cold he feels when the distance between them increased again, of how much he wants, needsmore of this.
The clicking sound of the camera echoes in the room. Lu Guang stares at the camera’s tiny screen. The image reflected on it cannot compare to the real thing, but it still holds beauty in its own way.
It’s done.
Tomorrow, Qiao Ling will rejoice at the new pictures posted on their page. Those pictures are so beautiful and the comments on them so positive she’ll be none the wiser of Lu Guang’s little mischief. Cheng Xiaoshi will notice, though. He’ll look at the posts and realize there’s an specific picture missing, the best one of the night, and he’ll shoot Lu Guang a teasing smirk. Lu Guang will ignore it. He did nothing wrong. After all, some things are not to be shared with others—and that moment is just his and Cheng Xiaoshi’s to keep.
But that’s not important now. Now, Cheng Xiaoshi reaches out to him. His fingers feel cold against Lu Guang’s heated cheeks. He smiles, and Lu Guang loses all ability to resist him. They kiss again, and the whole world fades into nothingness.