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Joe was trying his very best. When Ryoko pulled him into a big hug, burying her face into his chest, he held her back and imagined he was just hugging another one of his buds. When Ryoko grabbed his hand, he squeezed it back tightly to show her he didn’t want to let go, though he wasn’t sure if the gesture was sincere. When Ryoko kissed him, he tried his best to match her level of passion, convincing himself he enjoyed the feel of her cold, glossy lips against his slightly dry ones.
It wasn’t that Joe didn’t like Ryoko. Really, he liked her a lot! But he wasn’t sure he loved her. At least, not in the same way she loved him, because no matter how hard he tried, he could never get her off his mind.
That “her” wasn’t Ryoko, oh no,
It was Sara Chidouin, his best friend.
Sara was beautiful. That really was the best way to describe her. She had the prettiest face Joe had ever seen, with sparkling, deep blue eyes, so deep they looked violet; long, curled eyelashes; a sharp but dainty nose; soft pink lips lightly coated in a thin layer of gloss; and a perfectly shaped face to frame it all. Her hair was the loveliest of ginger, falling just below her ribcage in a sleek manner, although she usually tied it up into a high ponytail. She had long legs and a slim figure, and Joe tried really hard not to notice how her body curved in all the right places.
Even so, the thing that really drew Joe in was her personality. She wasn’t exactly shy, she was just distant and preferred watching people from afar rather than engaging in conversation with her peers. Joe had the feeling she secretly wished to partake in groups but didn’t really know how outside her usual one with him and Ryoko. She was smart, so much so that he suspected she was the wittiest and most responsible person he’d ever met. Talent ran flawlessly through her body and she never seemed to struggle, like, ever. She had a deep level of understanding about everything and a sharp eye, so not much could slip past her. Within the first week of school she had already seen right through Joe’s gaudy act and sensed his true loneliness. The only thing she hadn’t figured out about Joe was his feelings for her.
The thing he liked about her most of all was her laugh. It was the prettiest of all laughs. Soft and gentle it was, yet sometimes she would let out small snorts and wheezes. She found it mortifying, but he found it adorable. The real gift of their friendship was when he could make her laugh really hard. It was like some sort of reward, and he was addicted to it.
But Joe couldn’t like Sara, that’d ruin everything! Heaven knows what she’d do if she ever realized how Joe felt about her. He risked losing her completely, both as a potential partner and a best friend.
So he threw himself at Ryoko, trying to convince himself she was just as good, if not better. But she wasn’t as good, and she certainly was not better.
No one could ever be better than Sara Chidouin.
———
“Joe?” A hand waved in front of the brown haired boy’s face. “Hello, Earth to Joe?!”
Suddenly snapping out of his trance, Joe jumped, startled by the sound of his companion’s voice.
“Sorry, Ryoko, could you repeat that?”
Ryoko sighed dramatically, resting her elbows on the table they shared and planting her head
atop her stabilized palms. “I asked if you wanted to go downtown with me after school? There’s an order I need to pick up at a store but afterwards we could find someplace to eat. You know, like a date?” She blushed furiously as she said that last sentence.
Taken aback by the suddenness of the suggestion, he sputtered, “U-uh, yeah! Sounds perfect.” He flashed her a nervous smile, cheeks heating up, which Ryoko assumed meant he was flustered from excitement.
Excitement was the overstatement of the century.
He genuinely liked hanging out with Ryoko, but not as anything past good friends. Deep down he felt shame churning in his stomach, a fierce entity in his body that squeezed his organs and tore them to shreds, making him unable to function. How was he supposed to survive a date with a girl he didn’t love? It was unfair to both of them.
Ryoko’s eyes lit up eagerly and he instantly felt even worse. God, he was such a selfish asshole. He knew he had to break up with her before they got more serious or else her inevitable hurt would be even worse.
“Okay, I’ll meet you at the bike stand after school! Don’t forget to bring money because unlike Sara, I refuse to pay for your doner kebab!” She laughed brightly.
Ryoko was right, she wasn’t like Sara at all. Ryoko’s laugh was deep and loud unlike Sara’s sweet giggles, and her laugh was even, lacking the silly noises Sara made when she was truly joyful. Everything about this was wrong. He had to do it, like, now. If not now then when? It would only get worse from here so he just had to get it over with.
“Hey Ryoko, I-“
“Hm?” Ryoko stared at him intently, waiting for him to finish. But he’d broken off because something- or rather someone- caught his eye, instantly making him forget what he’d been doing in the first place.
Sara made her way over to their table. Joe took note of how elegant her steps were and how nice her legs looked while they strode over to him.
“Hey Joe, hey Ryoko!” She greeted each of them with a quick hug before claiming a seat, and Joe caught a whiff of her signature flowery perfume. Had he not been protected by the chair, he probably would’ve fainted backwards and died. At least he would’ve died happy.
He grinned at her stupidly. “Heya, Sara!”
It was surprisingly easy to act normal around Sara despite his confusing feelings. Sara just had that effect on him. Every time she was with him, his buzzing mind cleared and he was able to feel at ease. He called it “The Sara Effect”.
“Sara, hi!” Ryoko grinned at her friend. “Guess what?”
“What?” Sara responded promptly.
A little sparkle bounced around in her eyes when she said “Joe and I are going on a date after school!”
Sara whipped her head around and stared at him, her eyebrows raised in shock. “Joe, since when do you get bitches?!” She laughed that stupidly perfect laugh of hers and Joe’s cheeks burned. He played it off as embarrassment rather than what he feared it truly was.
“H-hey! I get bitches! I get more bitches than you!” Joe whined.
She rolled her violet eyes. “I don’t need bitches, Joe.”
He had to disagree. The thing about Sara was that Joe wasn’t the only one obsessed with her. Everyday when she walked home from school this damn stalker would follow her. Joe made it a point to walk her home everyday in fear of that creep harming her. She didn’t have a boyfriend, so who would protect her if he didn’t? Rage swelled up in his head at the idea of the stalker laying a hand on her.
Fuck, the stalker! He’d completely forgotten about it! He couldn’t let Sara walk home alone or she could get hurt!
He glanced at the copper-haired girl and noticed at once her discreet unease. Bile rose up in his throat and he looked down at his feet. Now he was letting both girls down.
The bell rang a moment later so he grabbed his belongings and raced to class, not bothering to wait for either of his companions.
Unfortunately, Sara caught up to him almost immediately. Damn those stunning long legs of hers!
“Joe, wait up!” She panted, grabbing his sleeve and pulling at it to slow his strides. He grunted and grudgingly decreased his speed, matching pace with her.
Joe sighed, running a hand through his tangled brown hair. “I’m really sorry, Sara, I forgot about that damn stalker.” He muttered uneasily.
She blinked at him. “What? That’s ok, really! I’ll just, uh, stay after school and get some work done! We can walk home together when your date is over!”
That was a smart idea! “Sure thing, Sara!”
Well, that took care of one issue, figured Joe as the pair walked into the classroom. That didn’t fix everything, though.
He spent the rest of the school day worrying. He desperately needed to break up with Ryoko or else he’d go insane, but what if that ruined their friendship? That would crush him!
Deep down, though, he knew it was the right thing to do. Leading Ryoko on would make him an even bigger douche than he already was. Waves of anxiety coursed through his entire body from his head to his toes when he imagined breaking the news to her.
Oh well, their relationship was doomed from the start and he should’ve expected this when he got together with her just for the sake of distraction.
It would’ve ended like this either way. He just hoped the aftermath wouldn’t be too hard to handle.
———
Before he knew it, the school day was over. He packed his backpack and trudged over to the bike stand at the front of the school as slowly as possible. Dread powered his every step as he drew closer and closer to their meeting spot.
When he finally arrived, Ryoko was leaning against a pole and scrolling on her phone. She looked up as he approached and a shy smile crept onto her face.
“Hey, Joe!” She said sweetly, giving him a quick peck on the cheek, which wasn’t an easy task considering he was half a foot taller. “Let’s get going, yeah?” She took his hand and led him down the street, towards the downtown plazas. It wasn’t too far of a walk, but it felt like an eternity.
“What took you so long, hm?” Mused Ryoko lightly as they made their way over.
He looked straight ahead, suddenly afraid to even meet her eyes. “Sorry, I got held up.” Joe responded absently. He was hyper-aware of their intertwined hands and how they just didn’t feel right, like trying to fit a correct-looking puzzle piece into a spot that was actually incorrect.
He dropped her hand.
Ryoko didn’t seem to notice his odd behavior which caused Joe to wonder if she’d ever really known him. She didn’t, he realized. Not in the way Sara did.
With the inner conflict battling on in his head it was hard to focus, so much so that he hadn’t even noticed the ditch in the middle of the sidewalk. He tripped, falling ass-first onto the dusty ground.
“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” Ryoko gasped, instantly offering him a hand, which he reluctantly took in order to stand.
“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Grunted Joe.
Much to his annoyance, Ryoko laughed and poked fun at him for a while. It didn’t matter, within a moment he stopped listening again.
He zoned out the rest of the way.
———
After Ryoko had picked up her order and they located their usual dining spot, a restaurant known for its mouth-watering doner kebabs, he knew it was the right time to tell her.
They had fallen into an awkward silence, both focusing intently on their meals. Ryoko must’ve finally caught on to the fact that something was off because she wasn’t chatting away a mile per minute as usual.
Chilling ripples of panic crept downhis spine. Could he really do this? Could he really break his close friend’s heart?
Fuck. It was now or never.
“Ryoko… I don’t think this is working.” He fixed his eyes on his plate.
After a quick second he added, “T-the relationship, I mean. Our relationship! With us two! Yeah, that!” He rambled nervously, pointlessly trying to clarify the obvious meaning of his statement.
Ryoko had clearly received the message because she shoved the entire kebab she was eating into her mouth all at once. She slowly chewed with widened eyes.
After an agonizing minute she finally swallowed the last of her food. Her hands were shaking.
“What do you mean?” She smiled nervously, her words hollow.
God, he felt terrible. “This just doesn’t feel right. I don’t think I’m really that interested in dating you. We gave it a go, but I think I’d rather just call it off before it gets serious. I’m really sorry, Ryoko.”
She didn’t respond for a while. The anticipation of waiting to hear her reply was even more frustrating than that of waiting to tell her how he felt about being with her in the first place.
Then out of nowhere, she laughed. This wasn’t her typical booming laugh. This wasn’t Sara’s sweet giggles. This was a dry, strained, cold laugh that caused Joe to freeze in place.
“This is about Sara, isn’t it?” She asked emptily.
She knew. God fucking dammit, she knew.
He couldn’t even manage to vocalize a reply so he settled for just nodding.
A bitter smile played at the raven haired girl’s lips. “Honestly, I should’ve known. I’ve always suspected there was something going on between you two. Wow, I really am an idiot.”
There it was again. The dry, strained, cold laugh.
And with that, she got up and left. The color drained from his face as he watched her storm out of the restaurant, and possibly out of his life.
Joe had the feeling this would be the last time he’d ever talk to her again.
———
“So, are you gonna brag to me about your date or what?” Hummed Sara as Joe walked her from the school to her house.
He didn’t get a chance to reply before he saw it in the corner of his eyes. His breath caught in his throat. The stalker was back.
In the end, Joe was right. That really was the last time he’d get to talk to Ryoko ever again.