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- Yuta, baby, are you okay? - asked my mother, sitting next to me on the bench.
- Yes, Mom. - I replied and sent her a fake smile.
I guess she believed me because she smiled back, then patted me on the shoulder, got up and walked into the house. I returned my gaze to the sky I had been looking at before my mother began to speak.
I'll be back in Korea tomorrow. . . But do I want to go back? Nobody probably wants me there anyway. It's been a few weeks since I've noticed them moving away from me.
I am the only one who does not belong to a group relationship between 127 members. Why? They didn't offer me to join them, and I'm not going to ask. Although deep in my heart I'm terribly sad about that. But I don't need them! I'll find someone better and be happy! I'll show them I don't need them! That I can do it myself!
Who am I kidding?! I can't do it! I love them too much, except that they don't love me. It hurts so badly. It always hurts. . .
It all started with Jaehyun's and Taeyong's innocent relationship, which turned into a triangle with Doyoung. Later they added more and more people to it, to the point that now the entire Nct127 is part of it, except me of course. They even asked Jungwoo if he wanted to be with them! It wouldn't be surprising if they did it a little later after his debut in 127, not a few weeks after that! I felt terribly unnecessary and worthless then, because if they don't want me, it must mean something. . . .
But back to what's happening to me now. I have currently been in Japan for a few days, a week to be exact. Unfortunately, tomorrow I will already have to return to Korea, where my heart is filled with sadness, jealousy and regret. And that's what brought me to the family home for the short vacation we got. The others stayed in the dorm to spend time with each other. I had that plan at first too, but when I heard they were staying, I begged our manager to let me go to my family. He agreed pretty easily, which surprised me very much, and bought me a last minute ticket. He also promised to tell the others where I’d be, because I had to pack fast and get up early, so I hadn’t had occasion to see them.
He advised me to turn off everything I could communicate with others, not to worry and enjoy my journey. So I did it. I haven’t turned on my laptop or cell phone since the night I packed. And it helped me so much! It allowed me to focus on my family. My grandmother just had her birthday, so I could wish her all the best and give her a gift in person. I couldn’t do it for five years, because of me being an idol in Korea. This old woman is very important to me. She’s the one who raised me because my parents worked a lot when me and my sisters were kids. At that time their business began to grow a lot, so now I understand why they weren’t at home much. But when I was younger I was angry at them and felt very sad and lonely at times.
Through this visit, I also met my older cousin, who had his third child a month ago, and that was his dream son. His husband insulted him during childbirth, which made all the staff laugh a lot, so did I when they told me about it. I was even going to see that cute little boy by the name Junji. He loved me right away, just like his older siblings. My cousin and his husband laugh that I’m a child magnet, and they’re 100% right. I love children and children love me. Only I won’t have them until Nct finishes the promotions and career.
But now I can’t think about it. I need to focus on my family, because tonight is my last night at home. Tomorrow I will return to the gray reality, so I prefer to enjoy it as much as possible today.
Time skip
the next day
I just landed at the airport in Seoul. The flight was terribly short for me, maybe because I kept thinking about what to say to the rest. I was afraid of meeting them, but why? They won't ask questions or anything, so I should calm down. I got off the plane and manager hyung was waiting for me in the arrivals hall with whom I went to pick up my suitcase. Right after that we left the airport and went to the van. I put my suitcase in the trunk and got inside in the passenger seat.
We passed the way to the dorm with a nice chat. It was mainly me who told the elder man about my stay in the family home. And so I chatted so much that I didn't even notice when we were there.
- We're here. There is no one in the apartment because everyone has left somewhere. - the older one announced, and I nodded sadly and opened the door.
I pulled out my suitcase and came back to close the van door.
- Ah and Yuta, they don't know where you've been. I didn't tell them, so they would start to worry about you. - our manager confessed through the open window and winked at me, then drove away quickly.
I stared dully in the direction he had driven off for about five minutes. I had to process his words, and when it hit me, I just sighed loudly. They probably didn't worry much anyway ... They will only ask where I was and that would be the end of their worrying about me.
I sighed again and headed towards the entrance to the apartment building. I entered the spacious hall and made my way to the elevator which took me to our floor. I went to the door of the apartment and entered the code to open the door. I went inside, closing it behind me. I took off my shoes and my thin jacket which I hung on my hanger, then took my suitcase and walked with it to my and Taeil hyung's room. I put it down there in the corner of the room to unpack it tomorrow, because somehow I don't feel like doing it today. All I did was take my jeans and shirt off, which left me wearing only socks and boxers. From the closet I pulled a T-shirt far too large for me, halfway down my thighs, and put it on.
I laid down on my bed hugging the huge dog mascot that is always lying on top of it. I was going to turn on my phone but didn't want to bother with all the notifications so I went to make myself a cup of tea in the kitchen. On the way there, I turned on the TV in the living room to the music channel.
I took my favorite cup out of the cupboard, poured water into the kettle and turned it on. In the background Twice’s “Fancy” was playing and my body automatically started dancing. I moved to the rhythm of the music to another cupboard, from which I took out my favorite raspberry flavored tea. I threw a bag into a cup and put the rest back. I had to wait for the water to boil, so I jumped all over the kitchen, like crazy, with a huge smile on my face. I don’t know where my good mood came from. I think the girl band songs just make me smile and get excited.
Suddenly my little dance show was over, when a surprised “Huh?” came from behind me. I turned around and saw Jungwoo standing in the entrance. I blushed and the younger one ran towards me with a huge smile and closed me in a tight embrace. - Yuta hyung! You look so cute! - he squeaked excitedly, but quickly calmed down as if he remembered something.
- Where have you been all week? - he asked me, pushed slightly away and grabbed me by the shoulders.
I started to open my mouth to answer his question, but the rest of our group mates came into the kitchen. They looked at us in the and we looked at them. They stood there saying and doing nothing for maybe two minutes until Taeyong finally recovered and came closer.
- Yuta. . . Where have you been all week? We were worried about you and looked for you every day at your favorite places. - he said, and I looked at him shocked. So they were worried about me?
- I. . . - I started, but I was so shocked, I couldn’t say anything at that moment.
I just carefully detached myself from Jungwoo’s grip and went to the countertop to pour water, so my tea would brew. They followed my movements, although I felt most of the looks on my exposed legs. I was terribly embarrassed and my face turned red.
- Do you want to tell us where you were hyung, or shall we force it out of you? - Haechan asked, slightly annoyed.
I sighed loudly and took my warm cup. I made my way to the living room, and with a gesture of my head I told them to come with me. I made myself comfortable in a large, soft armchair and took a sip of tea. During this time, they sat around me and turned their eyes towards me.
- I was in Japan. - I said fast, then fell silent. I thought they heard enough and would leave me alone. But that didn’t happen, to my surprise.
- What for? - Taeyong looked a little nervous and I put the cup on the coffee table.
- I wanted to visit my family, and it was my grandma’s birthday, so it was a shame not to take the opportunity. - I smiled and combed my long hair behind my ear.
- You’re lying. . . What was the real reason you left? - Taeil hyung mumbled and I panicked.
- That’s not true! I’m not lying! - I shouted blushing.
- I know your habits too well. Every time you lie, you comb your hair behind your ear. - he said with a smug grin, and I got even redder. I look probably like a pretty tomato.
- Seriously? - I stuttered.
- Mhm~ – the elder muttered in reply, I just sighed, I don’t know what time.
- So are you gonna tell us where you really were and what for? - asked Johnny with a warm smile that melts my heart every time. - Mhm… I was really with my family in Japan. I had to think about a few things that have been bothering me for a long time. - I said truthfully this time.
- Like what? - said Doyoung for the first time, which was strange. He usually talks a lot, even in such “serious” conversations.
- Nothing really important. I was just sad and somehow I bought a ticket at the last minute. I thought if I went home, I’d feel better, and it really helped me. I also went to see my cousin and his husband to see their son. He’s really cute, and I wish my kids would be like that. - I grumbled with a dreamy smile and thought about what it would be like to have children with one of the gathered here. It would be the fulfillment of my dreams.
Suddenly, I felt something wet on my cheeks and realized it was my tears. I quickly covered my face and hoped they hadn’t seen anything. Unfortunately, me being me, I had to cry even more and started to sob quietly. But loud enough for them to hear it. I heard someone get up and come towards me. He grabbed my forearms with his strong hands and uncovered my face.
I couldn’t immediately see who it was because my sight was slightly smudged by the tears. But after a short while, it got better enough so I could see the leader of Nct with a sad smile in front of me.
- Yuta, what happened? Did your boyfriend break up with you? Was that the reason you went to Japan? - he asked me a series of questions, and something appeared in his eyes. Like hope?
- I didn’t break up with my boyfriend. - I said a little shocked, and they all got sad right away.
- Aaa. I thought that's it, because your eyes were already teary when you were talking about your cousin and his husband, so I thought. . .– Taeyong began, but I interrupted him.
- Because I didn’t have anyone to break up with anyway.
- How’s that? What about Yuto hyung? - (aut. Yuto from Pentagon) Mark asked.
I just laughed aloud, and after a short time, no tears of sorrow came from my eyes, but began to cry of laughter. Did they think I was dating Yuto this whole time? Don’t tell it's true…
- Did you really think he and I were together? How long? - I just asked and was still laughing.
- Since you introduced him to us. You guys were terribly close and you even let him touch you in more intimate places, like your thighs. - Jaehyun muttered with a hint of jealousy in his voice.
- Oh, you silly. Yuto and I have been friends for a very long time. Plus, the entire Pentagon is in a group relationship, like you are. And the fact that I allowed myself to be touched by him is no big deal. You, too, could touch my thighs, I wouldn't see anything strange about that. We're close, right? - I looked at them with a warm smile.
- Yes, but he touched you in such a more passionate way ... As if he wanted you ... You understand what I mean. - Johnny said and my expression became serious.
- I admit that I also noticed it, but it was not anything dangerous. He himself apologized for this, because at that time his hormones were overwhelmingly high. I am not surprised, he moved into a small apartment with nine other boys. Plus, about a month before that, he came to terms with the fact that he was gay, so you know. - I laughed lightly.
- So you were never together? - Jungwoo asked.
- Never! It would also be somewhat disgusting! After all, Yuto is like a little brother to me! I said with a slightly disgusted face. - Although I must admit that I wanted to date him many times because I felt lonely, I quickly dismissed the thought every time. - I added with a sad face.
- What do you mean "feeling lonely"? You have us! - Jungwoo said with a huge smile.
- You are all in one relationship, so I would rather not go to you when I felt like having sex. I would have gone to the Pentagon sooner ... Once I went and I would say that they are sexy beasts. I never thought that I could fit two in myself. - I squeaked excitedly at the memory.
They looked at me in shock, and a moment later I felt a strong tug on my hair. I looked at Taeyong, who had his large hand entangled in my hair. I could see pure jealousy and anger in his eyes. The rest of them circled the seat in which I sat. Their faces held the same envy as our leader.
- Where have you been ?! Since you didn't have a boyfriend, you could ask us for help, not go to other people! - Taeyong shouted.
I shivered a little scared.
- But you didn't want me! I felt unwanted in this house! So I went to someone else because I thought I would find love there! But no! My stupid heart had to choose you and I couldn't convince myself to love them! Even though I felt so good with them! I couldn't forget you, so after that one time I just let it go! Because it wouldn't do me any good! Instead of thinking about them, I imagined you in their place! - I shouted with tears in my eyes, but I didn’t let them out. Everyone stared at me in surprise.
- W-what? - one of them suttered.
- Why didn't you tell us earlier that you love us? We love you too and you were even supposed to be the first to join Taeyong and me, but you introduced Yuto to us and we thought you were together. Sorry we might have just asked, but it just seemed so obvious to us. - Jaehyun announced.
- I'm sorry ... For not having the courage to tell you what I feel. Maybe then the whole situation wouldn't have happened. - I whispered.
On the one hand, I am happy that they love me too, and on the other hand, I am angry with myself that I decided to introduce Yuto to them so quickly. If I had waited a little longer with it, things would have turned out differently. But I can't help it. It happened. Even the fact that I was terribly sad about it does not change anything. Because such mistakes happen and there is nothing we can do about it.
- So, what's now? - Doyoung asked, breaking the awkward silence between us.
- I don't know … - I whispered.
- But I know. - Johnny announced and we all looked at him. - From today Yuta is our next boyfriend and we will reward him for all his sorrows that he felt because of us. And of course, we will help you satisfy your sexual needs. - he began to move his eyebrows meaningfully, which made me blush all over.
- I agree! - Jaehyun said happily and lifted me from the chair with no problem. - So what are we waiting for? Destination: bedroom? - he looked at the others who only nodded to him and we walked towards my room, where I was thrown on the bed.
- We hope you can make it for a few rounds. - Doyoung laughed as he hovered over me, a thrill of excitement running through my body.
One hundred percent I will have problems with walking for the next few days.