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The final whistle blew and Tobin immediately started looking around for the one person she wanted to see. She saw her at the other end of the field, smiling and shaking hands with other players. Tobin was stopped by a few players from the Red Stars and she exchanged pleasantries with them before making her way toward Christen.
When she finally reached her, she gave her a big smile and pulled her into a hug.
“Hey,” Christen said with a smile of her own.
“Hi,” Tobin said still smiling, feeling giddy just to be in Christen’s presence again.
Tobin looked at Christen in slight wonder, unable to figure out how the other woman could look so good, even after playing a tough and very physical ninety minutes. It was almost ridiculous how good she looked and it made her wonder if she had always looked this good after games and she had just never noticed it before.
“How are you? It feels like ages since I’ve seen you or talked to you,” Christen said.
“I know. It does feel like a long time. It’s good to see you,” Tobin said.
It had been 24 days since they had last seen each other, not that Tobin was counting. After drunkenly telling Christen she was attracted to her in Vancouver, she had made the conscious decision to limit her contact with her teammate. She wanted to try to sort through her feelings and figure out what it all meant for her and Christen and for her and Shirley. The guilt from their last encounter in Vancouver had eaten away at her and she didn’t want to further confuse the situation by exchanging messages on a regular basis that could lead to other things that neither of them was ready for.
The distance and self-imposed radio silence had not proven to be effective in keeping her mind off Christen, but it at least took away the physical aspect of being in each other’s space and any temptation that came with it. She had noted this date on the calendar 24 days ago when they said goodbye in LA after the ESPYs, and now that it was here, she was nowhere close to figuring out what she wanted to do about Christen or how to approach it. She had known for some time that she and Shirley couldn’t have a future together and she’d finally, truly admitted it to herself after a lot of self-reflection. Since moving back to the States after her time at PSG, things had been rocky between them and their relationship was hanging on by a thread. She wasn’t sure why they were even trying to hang on, but she knew she needed to end things in person. She at least felt like she owed Shirley that courtesy after two years together. She just had not had an opportunity to fly to Paris to end things.
And Christen? Christen had always been off-limits, in her mind at least. She was a friend, a teammate on the national team. It felt like it would be too complicated and too messy if things didn’t work out. So she spent years ignoring something she couldn’t run away from. And now it felt as if Christen was all she could think about and all that she wanted.
Of course, she could always seek Ashlyn’s advice on navigating these waters. She’s one of her best friends and obviously also has experience in what to do with an attraction to a teammate. A very strong and very real attraction to a teammate that Tobin was just now coming to terms with. Though she had a feeling she knew what Ash would say. She’d say something like, ‘Dude, you gotta listen to your heart. I did and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.’
That didn’t sound terrible. In fact, on paper, it sounded amazing. But that’s all it was. Paper. Not even paper. Just thoughts in her head that she couldn’t shake.
“Do you have any plans tonight?” Tobin asked nervously and maybe even a little awkwardly.
“Um, no, we were just gonna go back to our hotel and call it a night. Our flight is at 1pm tomorrow,” Christen replied.
“Oh okay,” Tobin said with a hint of disappointment in her voice.
“Did you have something in mind?” Christen asked when she got the sense that Tobin wanted to hang out.
“No,” Tobin said, unsure of what her plan was since she hadn’t thought this through beyond saying hi to Christen postgame. “I mean, I don’t have plans so I was thinking you might like to catch up and hang out at my new place. It’s just across the street.”
Christen smiled that incredible smile that could light up any room and Tobin found herself swooning, just as she had the past year, unconsciously, around Christen.
“I never thought I’d see the day. Tobin Heath. World Champion Couch Surfer has bought a home,” Christen teased.
Tobin had been famous for bouncing around and staying with friends and randomly sleeping on their couches for the better part of the last five years. To hear that she’s actually bought a place was a bit of a shock to a lot of her teammates and she constantly got teased for it.
Tobin blushed. “Yeah, I figured I might as well put some roots down. I love it here,” she said.
“I’m just teasing. I’m super duper happy for you,” Christen said sincerely, even though she wasn’t sure if putting roots down for Tobin meant that she and her girlfriend were still going strong and were about to move in together.
“Super duper?” Tobin chuckled, thinking how cute Christen was with the way she talked sometimes.
Although Tobin had concluded recently that everything about Christen was cute.
“Super duper,” Christen repeated.
“So do you think you want to hang out or just call it a night?” Tobin asked again.
“Let’s hang out. You can show me your place,” Christen said decisively, even though she wasn’t sure she’d get permission to actually go. In the moment, she just couldn’t find it in herself to say no to Tobin.
“Cool, I’ll meet you halfway between our locker rooms at around 11?” Tobin asked, estimating that they would be done showering and doing interviews by then.
“Sounds good,” Christen said.
With that, they went their separate ways and joined their respective team huddles before going back to the locker rooms.
————
“You want to do what?” Rory asked angrily.
Christen took a deep breath and tried not to lose her shit with the way Rory was looking at her as if she’d grown another head.
“I want to hang out with a friend for a few hours and meet you all back at the hotel since we’re not doing anything tomorrow except flying home,” Christen said, not backing down.
“Who’s your friend?” Rory asked.
“That’s not really any of your business,” Christen said, hating the tone with which he was asking her these questions.
Christen refused to tell him anything more than he needed to know, certain that he would flip his lid if he knew she was going to hang out with Tobin. She certainly didn’t need to give him any ammo.
“It’s my business if you’re hanging out with our opponents,” Rory countered.
Christen steeled her jaw and rolled her eyes.
“I’m gonna go take a shower. If you want to stop me from my plans, go ahead. Otherwise I’ll see you back at the hotel tomorrow at breakfast,” Christen said, leaving him stewing outside the locker room.
————
Tobin played with her keys and checked the time on her phone for the third time in the last minute as if time would move faster if she kept checking it.
At 11:03, Tobin looked up and saw Christen walking toward her. They made eye contact and their faces both broke out into big smiles.
The sight of Christen did nothing to quell the feelings that were bubbling up inside of Tobin. Watching Christen walk toward her with her hair wet and down, in a tank top and shorts, just made her attraction to her even stronger. It was undeniable at this point and a lot scary.
Christen spotted Tobin down the hall as soon as she walked out of the visitors’ locker room. Her once-calm heart started thumping out of her chest. This wasn’t normal. She shouldn’t be reacting this way to a friend. A very attractive, very sexy, but very much in a relationship and unavailable friend.
“Hey,” Tobin said, her heart beating just a little faster and her stomach feeling like it was full of butterflies, which was becoming a regular feeling around her friend.
“Hey,” Christen said. “Sorry I’m late, I had to let them know I wasn’t taking the bus back to the hotel.”
“No worries. Ready?” Tobin asked.
“Yep, after you,” Christen said as she let Tobin lead them out of the stadium.
————
“Okay, before I open the door, let me just say that this is more of a storage unit than an apartment, but it’s my version of adulting, so go easy on me,” Tobin warned nervously, stopping in front of her door to explain what was about to be seen inside.
Christen laughed. “Storage unit, got it.”
Tobin held the door open for Christen and let her walk in first, smelling her familiar shampoo which she had gotten used to when they had been roommates a few times in the last year and a half. She locked the door behind her and followed Christen inside.
Christen looked around at the bare studio apartment and decided that it fit Tobin’s personality to a tee. There were a few pieces of artwork on the walls and even more scattered on the floor. The ‘bedroom’ had a mattress on the floor and not much else. The living room had a couch but no coffee table and there were video game remote controls on the floor.
“Tobin, this is great,” Christen said sincerely. “It’s very you.”
Tobin chuckled. “That’s the nicest thing anyone has said about my place. Most people have been more blunt with me about not having enough furniture and having way too much clutter.”
Christen laughed. “Well, I mean it could use a little more seating, a table, and a real bed, but other than that, I think it’s charming, like you,” she added without even thinking about it.
Tobin smiled, her skin prickling with goosebumps, surprised at Christen’s statement. “You think I’m charming?” she asked, unable to stop herself from following up on that comment.
Christen blushed, realizing what she’d just said. But she smiled, thinking that Tobin couldn’t be more charming if she tried. “Sorry, I mean…well…yeah, I think you’re charming and I think you know you’re charming,” she finally croaked out, trying to save herself.
Tobin gave her the most charming smile she could muster.
“Uh huh,” Christen said chuckling. ‘So charming,’ she thought to herself as she fought the strongest urge to throw Tobin down on to the mattress on the floor and have her way with her.
‘Jesus Christ, Christen. Stop that,’ she said to herself.
“And for your information, I am getting a real bed. I’m still in the process of designing it, though, so it’s gonna take a while,” Tobin said, wishing Christen could take her new bed out for a spin with her sometime.
‘What the hell, Tobin, stop thinking about that,’ she chastised herself.
“You’re custom-making a bed?” Christen asked.
“Yep. The carpenter I’m working with is awesome,” Tobin said proudly. “It’s gonna be so dope.”
“If you say so,” Christen said, trying not to think about Tobin and a bed.
“I say so,” Tobin said.
Christen continued to walk inside and noticed an abstract painting Tobin was working on. She stopped in front of it and studied it, tilting her head to the side. Tobin patiently stood behind her, waiting for Christen to comment on it.
After a few moments, Christen finally spoke. “Tobin, this is…this is amazing,” she said.
Tobin blushed, but Christen thankfully couldn’t see since she was still facing the painting. “What do you see?” she asked hesitantly, but wanting Christen’s take on it.
“Um, I see vulnerability. I see strength. I feel a wildness to it, but I also feel a calmness to it. I don’t know. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is. I’m sorry, I’m not good at this. I’m totally out of my depth here and not making any sense,” Christen said shyly.
Tobin was floored. No one had ever understood any of her paintings the way Christen just did in a matter of seconds and she was left utterly speechless. Very impressed, even.
Christen turned around when Tobin didn’t answer for a long time. “Tobs?” she asked, worried that she had offended Tobin with her interpretation.
Tobin snapped out of her daze. “Yeah, sorry. I, uh, I don’t know what to say,” she admitted.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. I think it’s great. I was just…,” Christen said in a panic.
“No, no,” Tobin shook her head and assured her. “I’m just…it’s just that no one has ever taken one look at a painting of mine and understood exactly the feelings I was trying to convey.”
If only her feelings for Christen were that easy to convey and unpack.
“Oh,” Christen said, her chest constricting just a little bit at how much she wanted Tobin.
Tobin realized right then that Christen was perfect in every way and she had to stop herself from taking Christen into her arms and kissing her and telling her she never wanted to let go.
Instead, she cleared her throat and smiled at her, letting the conversation hang in the air as they looked out the window to check out her view of the city.
————
“Sorry, I have too many art supplies,” Tobin said sheepishly as she moved all her things off her small island countertop so they could put their late night food delivery down.
Christen chuckled and shook her head. “Hey, they’re the tools of your craft. It’s obviously all stuff that you need. I won’t fault you for that. I’d say you just maaaaybe need a little better organizational skills and need to find a place for everything so you can actually eat in your kitchen and easily get to your art stuff,” she said laughing. “You know I’m an organizational freak. I can help you organize next time I’m in town if you want.”
Tobin felt a pang in her chest. Everyone who ever visited her, Shirley on FaceTime included, always commented on how she didn’t need all this stuff and she should get rid of at least half her supplies since her place was already so small as it was. That the supplies, or useless clutter, as Shirley called it, needed to go.
Christen was the first person who understood her passion for painting and didn’t judge her need to have all these supplies and the necessity to have them at her disposal.
“You’d do that?” Tobin asked, hopeful and excited at the idea that Christen might be back.
“Of course. That’s what friends are for, right?” Christen said, even though at this point, she was quite certain that she wanted to be more than friends with Tobin. She was ready to cross that line, but promised herself that she wouldn’t make a move as long as Tobin was still in a relationship.
“Right,” Tobin said, clearing her throat. “Friends.”
————
They spent the next two hours laughing and catching up. Tobin’s face hurt from laughing so much and she didn’t want the night to end. It reminded her of just how special her friendship was with Christen.
“Do you have to go?” Tobin asked as Christen checked the time on her phone.
“I probably should,” Christen said with a little hesitation.
Tobin tried her best to hide her disappointment that Christen would have to go soon, but that proved difficult as a small pout formed on her lips. She couldn’t help it.
Christen felt a tug at her heart at the cute and obvious pout on Tobin’s face. The cutest face she’d ever seen.
“Thanks for hanging out with me tonight,” Tobin said.
Christen gave her a soft smile. A smile that wrecked Tobin every single time. “Thanks for inviting me over.”
They both looked in each other’s eyes, neither wanting to break the eye contact. And neither wanting to bring up the elephant that had been in the room the entire night.
Christen studied Tobin’s face. It had changed so much and yet so little at the same time since they first met. Gone was the babyfaced Tobin which was now replaced by a Tobin who had incredibly chiseled cheekbones. But her beautiful honey brown eyes and cute pouty lips were still the same and she wondered if there would ever be a chance for them.
“What are you thinking about?” Tobin finally asked.
Christen averted her eyes from Tobin’s mouth and cleared her throat. “Nothing, I was just thinking that this was really nice and I’ve missed talking to you these last few weeks,” she said truthfully.
Tobin smiled. “I missed you, too, Pressy.”
They looked at each other, both afraid to make a move. The intensity with which they were looking at one another was too much for Christen. She wanted Tobin so bad, but clearly Tobin was still with Shirley and she wasn’t about to make a move until Tobin sorted out all her feelings.
“I’d better get going,” Christen said as she picked up her bag and quickly stood up.
“Can I drive you back to your hotel?” Tobin asked as she also quickly stood up, not quite wanting to say goodbye.
“No, thanks, I’m just gonna call an Uber,” Christen said as she opened the Uber app to set up a ride.
Tobin reached for Christen’s hand to stop her, a jolt of electricity coursing through their bodies as she did so.
“Pressy, I insist. It’s late and I don’t want you getting in an Uber by yourself,” Tobin said protectively. “Please?” she said with her best puppy dog look.
If Christen could have melted, that face from Tobin would have done it. And Tobin knew it.
“Okay,” Christen said.
“Good,” Tobin said with a grin, satisfied with herself.
————
The drive to the hotel was short and they sat in mostly comfortable silence with some music playing in the background. Things had definitely changed in their relationship since the night of the World Cup final, even though they insisted that it needed to stay the same because their friendship was too important. Knowing that there was an attraction there made it difficult to go back to joking around without tension filling the air in a matter of seconds. It was strange yet exciting in a way. But the risk they would be taking to start a romantic relationship was too great and neither one of them wanted to address it. Not yet anyway.
Tobin pulled the car up to the hotel’s parking lot and turned the engine off. They both looked straight ahead not wanting to make a move.
“Thanks for the ride,” Christen finally said after a few moments.
“You’re welcome,” Tobin said as she looked over at Christen.
Tobin could swear her heart was about to give out. She was sitting in her car next to the most beautiful and kind woman she’d ever met and yet she felt so far.
“So I guess I’ll see you in a few days?” Christen said with camp five days away before their first victory tour match.
“Can’t wait,” Tobin said, grateful that she wouldn’t have to wait long to see her again.
“Good night, Tobs,” Christen said.
“Good night, Pressy,” Tobin said as she reached over and gave Christen a long hug that neither wanted to end.
Their cheeks brushed against each other when they pulled apart and they both fought the urge to go for more.
Christen finally let go and opened her door.
“Bye Tobs,” Christen said as she got out of the car.
“Bye Pressy,” Tobin said as Christen looked back one more time and shut the door.
They both let a deep breath out and sighed, their hearts heavy.
Until next time.
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