Archive of Our Own

i receive a phone call in the early morning and i let it go off, because i'm way too tired to talk to anyone at the moment.

maybe a half hour later, there's another phone call. i once again, let it ring, and go back to bed.

around eleven i get another phone call, so i just decide to answer it. i realise the two missed calls were from michael, and this one is from michael too.

'tori! i called you like two times this morning! i was afraid you wouldn't pick up.'

'i was tired.' i say. 'sorry, i didn't notice they were from you.'

'it's fine,' he says. 'you can go back to sleep if you'd like.'

'what are you calling for?' i ask. there must be a reason why he's calling at an early hour.

'do i have to have a reason?' he laughs.

i say nothing.

'well— i do actually have a reason, though.' he says. 'i wanted to ask you something, but i think it's too much to bring up over call. but it's not a big deal.'

something i've learned about michael is that 'not a big deal' is definitely a big deal.

'are you trying to be extra about it?' i laugh.

'well, maybe, but i'm really excited and i thought i'd tell you in person.'

'where do you wanna meet up?'

'tori— if you're tired i don't have to tell you now. i can wait til you've woken up.'

'i want to know,' i say. 'you've got me invested.'

'i could bike to your house.'

'that's a long ride for you, though,’

'it's only ten minutes, it isn’t bad.'

'still.' i say. 'we could meet at the park? i need to be awake somehow, walking would help.'

'that sounds good.'

'do you mind if i'm in my pajamas?'

'no, not at all, it's not something proper or anything, i'd just like to tell you in person.'

'alright.'

'i'll be on my way in just a second, i have to find my keys.' he says.

'i'm going to get a glass of diet lemonade and then head out. and also manage to make it out of my bed within ten minutes before losing all motivation for the day.' i laugh.

‘the offer’s still up on me coming to your house.'

'it's fine.'

'are you sure?' he asks

'yes, michael, i'm sure.'

he laughs. 'i'll see you in a few, tor.'

'i'll see you in a few.' i hang up.

i get out of bed and make my way down the hallway to charlie's room. i peak in and make sure he's alright, then write a note to put on his door, grab my diet lemonade, and leave the house.

i walk to the park me and michael have decided to meet at, and i stand there for a few minutes before i see michael on his bike a block away.

he doesn't see me immediately, but when he does, he begins pedalling faster.

when he reaches me, he doesn't even properly put his bike against the fence and it falls to the ground. then he runs over to me before tightly hugging me.

'hey.' he says.

i laugh. 'hey.'

we stay like that for a moment. he is quite literally squeezing my entire body, but it's comfortable.

'you’re acting like we haven't seen eachother in a year.' i laugh.

'it feels like it.'

'it's barely been three days.'

'three days too long!’

'you really enjoy my saddening presence in your life, don’t you?' i laugh.

'yes, your saddening presence means everything to me.'

'oh my god.' i laugh.

i look up at him and he presses our foreheads together.

'you can kiss me if you'd like.'

'could i?' he asks.

i speak through a smile. ‘you can.’

he kisses me and we laugh after as if it's year seven.

'what did you want to talk to me about?' i request.

'well,' he starts. we leave our embrace. 'london pride is in two weeks and i — i know it's sort of like, a long trip to london but i was thinking i could book us a hotel room or something? i don't know if it's your sort of thing but i'm planning on going because i haven't been to pride since i was like, twelve…’ his voice drifts off as he looks away.

i think about it for a second.

'i'm not really in the community, though,’ i say.

'you're asexual,' he laughs, 'that's apart of the lgbtq!'

'hmm…' i say.

'you don't have to go— i mean, i can go by myself, it's just a big thing and i kind of want you there and stuff—‘

i grab one of his hands and interject.

'i'll go.' i say.

'are you su—'

'i want to go,' i say. 'i want to be there, with you.'

his face suddenly flashes a light pink and it makes me snort. i hug him.

'my speedskating club has a part in the parade.' he smiles. 'we're allowed to bring guests to walk with us.'

'that's so cool.' i say. 'that is actually so cool.'

'we could bring along nick and charlie,' he says. 'and they could bring their friends. i'll only pay for our room and nick and charlie's room though.'

'i'll tell them about it.'

he grins wider than i’ve ever seen before.

'could we go to your house and hang about for a few?' he asks. 'i'd find something for us to do in town together but i'm a bit tired, honestly.'

'yeah.'

he walks away and grabs his bike from the ground, dusts dirt off it, and then gets on, but goes nowhere.

'what are you waiting for?' i laugh.

'you to get on the back.'

'i'll walk, it's fine.'

'come onnnn…' he laughs.

'hm, fine.' i scoff affectionately and get on.

when we reach my house, he puts the bike against the brick wall and we go in to find that charlie has woken up now, and we propose the idea of pride. he says he'll go. me and michael go up to my room to watch another disney movie for gods sake, but instead of watching it michael tells me every detail of his first pride, which is quite cool.

he stays until late at night and decides it's definitely not good to walk home so he sleeps over, which has become sort of normalised between us, and it isn't a bad thing. in fact, i definitely sleep better when he's with me.

—

over two weeks of long rants from michael of preparation, it was early in the morning on a thursday, and we were ready to go. we all decide to meet at the park me and michael had met at so we could all walk together to the train station.

i have a backpack and a smaller bag with me, charlie has two suitcases and also a small bag.

when we arrive at the park, a few of charlie's friends are already there, and thats only a few, jesus christ, i forget how many friends he has.

michael arrives and he drops his stuff and runs to me. we get suspicious looks from charlie's friends, but i honestly think we're just going to let people find out me and michael are dating. it doesn't matter to me or him.

eventually everyone gets there and i realise how much michael overpacked, but it's alright.

we walk behind the entire group, because they know where they're going somehow.

'i did not realise how many friends charlie has.’ michael laughs.

'me neither. i thought he'd just bring tao, elle, and aled, to be honest.'

'at least they're paying for their own room and ticket. i'd be broke if i had to pay.'

i laugh.

'it's not going to ruin everything, right?' i ask.

'what do you mean?'

'everyone with us, i didn't know if you wanted it to be a me-and-you thing.'

'it'll still be just us. i'm sure they'll all go and do stuff together and we don't have to go with them.'

'you're right.' i say.

we make it to the train station, we all got the same train, except the entire group got a different car than we did, thank god.

i sit down across from michael.

thank you for coming,' he says. 'really, it means a lot.'

'thank you for inviting me.' i smile.

we go silent for a few and i keep noticing him staring at me every time i have my focus on something else.

'you know,' i say. 'i can see that you're staring.'

‘sorry’ he laughs. 'you just look nice today.'

'i didn't brush my hair.'

'that doesn't matter. you're still really, really pretty.'

'you are as well.’

he smiles.

'd'you wanna listen to radiohead together?' i ask.

'yeah.'

i join him on his side of the compartment and put my ipod on the table and connect my earbuds to it. i give one side to him.

'what album do you want to listen to?'

'kid a.'

i select kid a and we sit there for a few minutes. he intertwines our hands and rests his head on top of mine.

'i love you.' he softly mutters.

'i love you too.'

i bring my other hand up to ruffle his hair.

'do you mind if i sleep? for a bit?' he asks.

'i don't.' i put my arm around his shoulder and he gets a bit closer to me.

he falls asleep in a matter of minutes. we’d been up almost all night talking on the phone because i couldn't sleep and i feel like a burden for doing that, but then again, it happens a lot, and that makes me feel a bit better.

i decide to sleep a bit too.

i'm awoken about an hour later and michael has seemed to have woken up too.

'hey.' he says when i open my eyes. 'we're not far from london.'

'already?’ i say, rubbing my eyes.

'yeah. the train was only an hour and a half long.’

it’s silent for a moment.

'i've never been to london.'

'i went here three years ago for a smaller skating competition.' he says.

'did you win?'

'i got third, i was pretty disappointed but it was fun exploring london.'

'that’s nice.' i say.

'we should probably get our stuff ready.'

'yeah.' i unplug my earbuds from my ipod and put them away in my bag, then get up from the seat so michael can get by me to grab our bags, and then we just stand there and wait for the train to make its full stop.

the train stops, and then it's all a blur. we manage to get off quickly though and meet up with the entire group.

michael seems to be the only one who knows where he's going, so we all follow behind him, and he keeps glancing behind him to look at me, and everytime he does it he smiles.

when we make it to the hotel, the receptionist seems to be absolutely amazed at how many people we have. everyone checks into their rooms and we all head to the lift.

we swipe the key and walk into me and michael's room, and the first thing i notice is how it's just one queen sized bed.

'i would've gotten us two beds but it's a bit pricey here.' he says. 'i can sleep on the floor if it makes you more comfortable.'

'no, it's fine. i sleep better with you anyway.'

'you do?' he asks.

'you do, it's like you're magic or something, curing my insomnia.'

'oh my god.' he laughs.

i flop onto the bed, and michael follows.

'do you wanna go and explore a bit? the parade isn't til saturday.'

'i sort of want to rest, if that's okay.'

'i get it, i should probably rest as well. maybe we could explore later this evening? we also have all day tomorrow.'

'yeah. that's a good idea.'

he smirks. 'i always have good ideas.'

'you do.'

michael begins to unpack our necessities and make the hotel room feel like home for the next few days. he tells me how he hates being away which is why whenever he travels he brings things that make him feel like he's back home, which i completely understand, honestly, i do it too.

i fall asleep for a few hours, and then, i think, at some point michael joins me too.

michael wakes me up as i feel him brushing my hair out of my face.

'hey.' he smiles. 'sorry i woke you up.'

'it's fine.'

'i was gonna ask,' he says. 'd'you wanna go out to a café with me? it's one of my favourites, i haven't been there in years.'

'yeah. just give me a few to get ready.' i laugh.

'it's no problem.' he smiles and then kisses my forehead.

i get out of bed and brush my hair again, and then put my shoes back on, i didn't bother changing my clothes earlier.

we leave the hotel and go down to the street to the café, which surprisingly isn't far away. inside it's very cosy, cabin-like.

'they don't really serve dinner foods here,' he laughs. 'it's a café, of course, but i sort of wanted breakfast foods anyway.'

'i honestly don't mind.' i smile. 'as long as they have diet lemonade.'

'trust me, i checked for you.' he smiles. 'they do.'

'amazing.'

me and michael decide to order a plate of pancakes to share, because why not.

'you make good choices.' i say.

'i know, i'm awesome.'

'you are.'

he grins.

when we leave the restaurant and get back to the hotel, we go immediately to bed. we could do normal things we usually do like stay up and talk all night, but if michael wants to explore the pride event tomorrow then it'd probably just be better to sleep then not.

-

friday everyone decided to go to pride with us.
we managed to get through a lot of the booths that day, and we found where we had to go for the parade. it was actually pretty fun. michael kept pointing out everything cool he saw, from pride flags on flagpoles to outfits people were wearing. we didn't make yesterday into much though, because today was a major day for us.

currently, we're sitting on our bed at nine in the morning, and michael is digging in his bag for something, but he won't tell me what.

'finally!' he smiles, and puts whatever he's holding in the air.

'what is that?' i ask.

'an eyeshadow palette. i know you don't like makeup except for eyeliner but everyone usually does their flag on their face and i thought we could do it together!' he smiles. 'i suck at putting makeup on myself though so— er..'

'is that you trying to ask me if i can help you put it on?'

'hmm, maybe.'

'i'll attempt to.' i say. 'i honestly suck at it too.'

i open the palette and grab a brush and he closes his eyes. i put the colours of the pan flag on his eyelids and it looks sort of messy but it's definitely not the worst.

'i also got face paints.’ he says. ‘to paint our flags on our faces.’

he ruffles through his bag again. ‘i swear i have one more thing.’

‘you really were extra for this.’ i laugh as he finds the thing he was looking for, which was face glitter.

‘it’s pride.’ he grins. ‘you’re supposed to be extra at pride.’

‘i guess you’re right.’

he goes to the bathroom and fills a small cup up with water, and then comes back.

‘you did an amazing job on the eyeshadow, really.’ he smiles as he opens the face paint palette and grabs a brush.

‘thank you.’

‘here.’ he gives me a wet paintbrush. ‘could you do the pan flag on my cheek for me?’

‘yeah, of course.’ i get a bit of paint on the brush for each individual stripe and do a swipe of pink, yellow, and blue.

‘can i do your makeup?’ he asks as he puts on a bit of face glitter himself.

‘yeah.’ i smile. he does the same thing i did for him but with the asexual flag.

‘you know,’ he says, ‘the asexual flag really fits you, honestly.’

‘is that because it’s probably one of the most emo-looking flags out there?’ i laugh.

‘hm, possibly.’

‘i hate you.’

he smirks at me.

we admire our work, and we honestly didn’t do too bad, especially michael. he definitely has experience on doing people's makeup.

me and michael quickly throw needed necessities into a backpack, especially water bottles. we also get our pride flags and tie them around our neck to wear as capes, and michael sticks a mini pan flag in his hair, and somehow it stays, which is absolutely amazing.

‘we should get the others,’ he says.

‘yeah,’

we go and knock on everyone's doors and after twenty minutes we're all crowded onto a lift. when we get off we’re rushing out the hotel doors to walk to pride.

we finally make it, and we get to the point where the others go one way and me and michael go the other.

‘we’ll meet you all after the parade?’ michael asks the group. ‘at the food court?’

everyone seems to agree with it, so me and michael start walking towards the place we need to go.

‘michael holden!’ his coach says as we approach the skating group.

‘hello!’ he says, in true michael happiness.

‘have you brought your girlfriend along?’ he asks him.

michael looks at me for a second, and i nod.

‘yeah, i hope that’s alright.’

‘of course! i told you you could bring her.’ he smiles and then looks at me. ‘he talks a lot about you.’

i don’t exactly know what to say, so i nod, feeling my face heat slightly.

‘what time does the parade start?’ michael asks.

‘eleven! so about thirty minutes — we definitely need to get everyone in their places soon.’ he looks at the rest of the group. ‘how about we do that now since michael is here?’

we all get into places and then just stand there for a few. michael gets our smaller pride flags out of his bag.

after awhile of standing, the parade starts and michael’s focus seems to zoom around everywhere as we notice the amount of people on the sides watching us.

‘hey,’ i tap him on the shoulder. ‘if anything is overwhelming for you, i can hold your hand.’

‘i think it’s okay.’ he says, and suddenly, he’s michael, happy and joyful michael, and i realise just how many people out here are genuinely happy.

me and michael wave our flags around, he waves at people, and i don’t think i’ve ever seen so many people so excited in one place, ever.

we walk past charlie and his friends and they all start screaming. i manage to wave at charlie.

the parade stops moving for a few moments and take it all in. all of these people, out in this crowd, are genuinely happy today, and maybe after the weekend is over they’ll go back to their blogs and return to the hell of living, but for a few weeks, each year, everyone is genuinely happy for a bit. it all sort of makes me feel happy too. i never really realised how an event can make people so joyful.

just before the parade begins to move again, michael locks our fingers together and looks at me.

‘can i kiss you?’ he asks.

‘yeah, you can.’ and so he does.

when we break away, he’s crying, happily.

‘thank you for coming,’ he says. ‘it means a lot to me.’ he pauses. ‘i love you so much.’

‘i love you too.’ i smile. the parade starts moving again and we’re both smiling, and then i realise that i’m genuinely content, just like everyone else here.

flags wave from the sides, all sorts of them, some flags of things i don’t know the name of. it’s honestly quite beautiful.

the parade ends after an hour and a half, and everyone cheers for us.

‘how did you like it?’ michael asks as soon as we’re able to hear each other.

‘it was super cool, honestly, i’m really happy to see you so happy.’

he laughs and looks down at the concrete.

‘what about you?’ i ask.

‘that was probably one of the funnest things i’ve done in a few years.’ he smiles.

‘i’m really happy for you.’

he smiles. a big smile.

‘could i kiss you?’ i ask.

‘you don’t have to ask me.’ he laughs. ‘you can.’

i put my hands on both sides of his face and kiss him, he wraps his arms around me and then we just stay like that for a second.

‘we should probably go find the others. i’m a bit hungry.’ i say as we break away.

‘yeah, same.’

michael says bye to his coach, and we head to the food trucks. every food they have is somewhat rainbow. after getting food and smoothies, the entire group and us meet up at a sitting area.

the entire conversation is nonsense and i cannot grasp what we’re supposed to be talking about, so i don’t take much part in it, and only answer basic questions like how we thought of the parade even though we were in it, or if i saw any one of them.

there happens to be a few more things than there were yesterday so we check them out, and then we listen to music for an hour until almost everyone is completely worn out and we take the tube back to our hotel.

when me and michael get back to our room, we take much needed showers and get into bed.

‘thank you so much for coming,’ michael says. ‘i know i’ve told you so many times today but it really means so much to me. i’ve always wanted to go to pride now i’ve figured out my sexuality but i’ve never gotten the chance to before now, and it makes me really happy i got to spend it with you,’ he looks at me. ‘this has genuinely probably been one of my favourite days ever.’

‘i’m really happy i got to be there with you.’ i say. ‘i honestly don’t think i’d rather be with anyone else.’

he smiles.

‘today was fun.’ he says.

‘mhm,’

‘d’you wanna do this again next year?’ he asks.

‘yeah, maybe not with all of charlie’s friends though, they’re nice but i think it’d be nice to do it just for us someday.’

‘i agree. they were a bit chaotic.’ he laughs.

i lean my head against michael’s shoulder.

‘i’m tired.’

‘we should probably sleep.’

‘yeah.’

michael kisses my forehead. we lay down and he wraps his arms around me.

‘thank you.’ he mutters softly.

‘you don’t have to say thank you.’ i laugh. ‘i love you, go to sleep.’

he laughs.

‘goodnight, tor.’

‘goodnight michael.’

it definitely felt a bit weird today, showing affection with michael, especially in front of so many people. it’s already sort of weird when it’s just me and him, but i’ve come to realise that, really, it doesn’t matter about other people seeing us or suspecting we’re a couple. in fact, it’s none of their business. i’m just really, really happy to be there with michael, especially when it’s something so big for him.

i look up at him, and he’s near falling asleep already, or maybe he already is. his closed eyes make him look so peaceful in a final, well-deserved rest.
i smile to myself as i feel my own eyes drift shut.

today was perfect. whether it was because of michael being in it or pride itself, i can't really tell. all i know is that i love michael and i'm proud of that. i'm proud of us. and that's all that matters.