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Silence.
After an entire day filled with frantic car rides, anxiety and tears …finally there was silence again.
One moment Jared was close to having a coronary. The next moment the doctors were handing him his beautiful baby son.
The day of the scheduled caesarean had finally arrived and he was damn near losing his mind in his haste to drive Jensen to hospital. The baby was big and a breech one at that.
Their ob-gyn had taken one look at Jensen’s reports in his last check up and had scheduled the operation…fearing possible fetal distress if they waited any longer.
They had been expecting the baby to reverse its position in-utero since the late second trimester. But apparently their little tyke was as stubborn as the father who was carrying him and was hell bent on coming to the world butt first.
One moment the hazel-eyed man was riding on a storm of pure adrenaline rush and sheer bloody anxiety in his effort to take his husband to hospital. The next moment it was all over.
For Jensen it’s hard to tell. He was one of those rare individuals who hated to bother others with their own agony… Even if the ‘other’ in question was his own husband.
The whole ride was entirely too calm for two men standing on the threshold of impending fatherhood.
The pregnant man had been unusually withdrawn since the morning.
He sat on the passenger side seat beside his husband, leaned against the window pane and kept gazing at the world outside.
Jared let him.
Once in a while their eyes met in a wordless exchange.
A pair of hazel eyes eyes met a pair of bright green ones on the wings of the overriding tenseness inside the car and tried to soothe with look alone.
Their dreaded destination arrived much too fast.
Jared helped his pregnant mate out of the car and led him inside, an arm snaked protectively around his waist. They found their doctors already waiting….and soon the pregnant man was wheeled into surgery.
There was no question about whether Jared would be there. Their ob-gyn had known him long enough to guess that these two always came in a package deal.. …and there’s no way around it.
Things progressed faster than Jared could have comprehended.
There was a screen barring his view, but still he had a fair idea of what could possibly be going on.
All he could do was grip the hands of his soul mate tight.
It was then that he heard those faintly whispered words…..
“Save the baby kay?”
“Jen?”
Jared’s eyes widened as he leaned towards the lain man and what he saw moved the very ground from beneath his feet.
His husband was crying.
Jensen rarely cried.
Jared couldn’t remember the last time he saw his husband crying.
His husband may seem delicate to unfamiliar eyes, but he was one of the strongest persons Jared has ever known.
“Jen?” Jared tried again.
His mind was miles away from the happenings of the operation theater, too freaked out to focus on the world around.
Jensen’s eyes fluttered open for a second only to close back.
“Choose the baby..kay? I swear I’ll haunt your ass if you don’t!” Jensen gritted his teeth.
“Jen?”
Jared had an inkling where this was going. But his fear riddled mind refused to follow.
“If..if something happens..I need you to save baby first?” It was all Jensen could master.
The effects of the epidural and a multitude of other drugs were making him drowsy. But he braved on…unmindful of the upheaval his words were causing.
“Shhh…everything is okay!” Jared tried…his voice betraying his own doubts.
What if….
Unmindful of them.. the obgyn had already made the first decisive cut.
Jared gently kissed the sweaty forehead unconscious of the commotion all around him.
It was his time to be strong …to be the rock.
His husband had done it so far.
In all those moments of devastating self-doubts, rebellions, destructiveness and apathy…it was Jensen who had been his guiding angel.
Had it not been for him .. Jared would have been swept away by thoughts of vengeance and retribution.
Jensen has taught Jared so many things…
Now that he is the broken one…Jared has to be there for him.
“Baby’s fine Jen.” Jared whispered .. planting a tiny kiss on the damp forehead
“Th..the doctor sa..said distress.” Two fearful green eyes filled with tears once again.
It had been eating away at Jensen’s heart ever since the ob-gyn spoke the ominous words… And it was what wresting the joy of the moment out of him, pushing him further and further into the abyss of uncertainty.
“Our baby is fine. He is waiting to meet you..” was all Jared could whisper.
He wanted to say so much more.
Of the dreams they shared ..of their struggle and victories…of those starry love filled nights and golden days…
But he didn’t have to.
Tyler Jacob Padalecki did it for him.
His little chin quivered as he loudly proclaimed his distress to the world at large.
His powerful wail broke the reverie his dads were in and they both turned to his direction.
“Wow! He is chunky! Hey handsome!” Their ob-gyn chortled as he placed the little boy in the waiting arms of the attending nurse who proceeded to give him a gentle rub down.
Jared had dreamed of this very moment for as long as he had loved Jensen.
It had been a distant dream of a chubby hand holding on his fingers with all its might.
Of a little head resting on his shoulders in the night.
But the face had been a blur. Finally he could add a face to those dreams.
While he and Jen turned to look at their son at the same time, it was Jared who first got to see him. The partition prevented Jen from actually seeing his son, much to his dismay.
The first sensation that flooded the mind of the golden haired man was not happiness…or even elation. No. He was terrified. His baby was the biggest and most beautiful newborn he had even seen and an irrational part of him was afraid that someone might steal him.
“I bet he is almost eleven pounds!” The nurse grinned as she finally placed the baby on his father’s chest.
Jared leaned forward and kissed his husband’s sweaty forehead , who smiled at him in return.
It was his husband’s first smile in days and he felt a weight fall off his chest. The doting dads seemed to be wrapped in a timeless bubble, unaware of the commotion in the room.
Their prince had finally arrived…and everything else could wait.
Jensen gathered the baby in his arms and glared at the world in general. He was feeling intensely protective over his baby. Everyone was gushing about how big and beautiful his son was…when all he could see was a tiny being as vulnerable as a baby bird. He wanted to hide him from the prying eyes of the room and keep him for ever.
“Hi baby. Remember me?”
The little boy yawned, prompting a gentle smile in his father’s face.
“I am already putting him to sleep Jay.”
Jensen turned his head to look at his husband and smiled at the sight that greeted him.
The big boss of Padalecki shipping was busy counting the tiny fingers and toes with deep concentration.
Soon the baby was whisked away for some further tests and check-up...and the blond man could finally feel exhaustion creeping in. He wanted to wait till they brought his son back…the separation seemingly unbearable.
But Hypnos finally claimed him and put his thoughts to rest.
*****************
When he woke up, he had already been transferred to his bed.
Jensen Padalecki had barely opened his eyes when a tiny noise made him turn his towards its source.
He tried to call out but failed. It felt as if someone had stuffed his mouth with dry cotton and taped his eyelids shut with duct tape. The sight that greeted him had him transfixed. His husband was occupying the lone chair in the hospital room. He was staring at the baby with awe as the little one slept on. There was a perfectly good bassinet in the room. But it was clear that his husband preferred to hold the baby himself.
He must have made a little sound.
His husband looked towards his bed and his eyed filled with barely concealed joy on seeing him awake.
“Jen? There’s someone dying to meet you!” Jared approached the bed with their tiny precious package in his arms.
“Huhu!” Jensen nodded absently, eyes fixed on nothing but the tiny little face of within that fluffy blanket.
And finally…after what seemed like an infinite wait (that actually lasted seconds) the moment arrived…. …
.and TJ met his jenjen.
Jared sat back and waited.
The moment seemed too precious for words.
Jensen wasn’t laughing. Nor was he crying.
He was simply staring down at the sleeping infant in his arms as the tiny fingers held his finger captive.
The tiny rosebud mouth formed a little ‘o’ as the baby yawned, prompting the gentlest of smile from his fathers.
“Is it okay to yawn this much?” Jared frowned in worry.
Jensen broke into a hearty laugh in response and winced when it pulled his stitches.
“Trust me Jay. It is. He just had a rough trip down my tummy!” he teased his husband.
Jared blushed.
He placed a tiny kiss on the baby’s forehead following it up with a similar one on his husband’s lips. Soon the night arrived. Baby and daddy snoozed peacefully on the bed while Jared kept watch.He was supposed to sleep in the extra bed provided to him. But he couldn’t. He was too restless.
He planned to do it differently this time.
The birth of Jared Tristan Padalecki was followed by media around the world.
His baby shower cost millions and captured imagination of the entire country.He went straight from his mother’s womb to the arms of his nannies and wet-nurse.
Everyone saw Shelly Padalecki…the reigning page three queen and glamorous diva holding her adorable baby , thanks to the photos featured in various gossip magazine and newspapers.
Gerald Padalecki had sold the photo rights to the media against a mighty sum.
What no-body guessed was that those were the only moments Shelly had held her baby.She had flown down to a luxury spa resort in the Alps to “recover” from the trauma of childbirth just after photo session, her lover in toe.
The birth of Tyler Jacob went nearly unannounced.
Jared had refused to let him be the subject of gossip rags and had been resolute on the matter.
TJ has spent the first moments of his life resting on his jenjen’s chest with his da hovering close by.There are no nannies and wet nurses for their baby.No photo sessions and interviews followed.
The new dads chose to spend the first days wrapped in a little warm bubble of love and wonder….smiling at every little coo , every tiny spit up and every messy diaper .
Jared wanted to be different.
Deep inside was a tiny little boy with an unfulfilled childhood and he wanted to live it through his son.
He wanted to play baseball with his little tyke in the holidays.
Lie with TJ on the green grass and find hidden shapes in the fluffy white marshmallow clouds.
Build tent in the backyard for a clumsy picnic.
To cuddle with Jen and the baby on the big bed without any cause.
Sit together with his little family on the hood of his car and count stars in the night time.
He wanted his son to strive for success but never for love.
Future plans blossomed in bright hopeful shades.
Jared knew.
It will be different this time.