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While every university is different, there are a few things that can be found on nearly every campus in the world. Learning is at the top, as would be expected, followed swiftly by heartache, sexually transmitted infections, and caffeine. And, of course, gossip.
There is no rumor mill like a college campus, where the students are desperate for a distraction from their studies and competitive enough to latch onto any little thing they think puts them above their classmates. Their interest doubles when the gossip pertains to their professors, lauded academics who seem almost untouchable. It’s never the down-to-earth professors who fall victim to their students’ whisperings, but rather the ones who need to be brought down a peg.
This is perhaps demonstrated no more clearly than in the case of this university’s most compelling rumor – that two particular professors, one an instructor in the Department of Geology, the other a lecturer in Computer Science, are dating or married or otherwise involved. The rumor is nebulous, largely because there’s very little proof behind it. The two are often seen eating lunch together in the cafe area of the Science Center where both departments are located but, other than that, there’s not much to tie them together. They don’t seem to arrive on campus together, nor leave together. In fact, half of what holds the rumor together are rumors themselves, stories that have been stretched and twisted over time so that the students who were here when they began have now graduated, and nobody still on campus knows the true origins.
The professors in question – Dr. Tsukishima Kei, who holds a doctorate in paleontology and resents that newer faculty members end up with most of the teaching responsibility, and Professor Yamaguchi Tadashi, who has a Master’s in computer science but would rather teach than write code all day – could clear the whole thing up quite easily if they wanted to. Unfortunately for the students, the two have a penchant for – well, not mischief , exactly, but they aren’t bothered by the confusion they cause.
Yamaguchi thinks it’s funny. He enjoys acting like he’s never heard of Dr. Tsukishima, even though all of his students know they’re at least friends. Tsukishima, on the other hand, simply refuses to make anything easy for anyone.
So the rumor persists, neither confirmed nor denied. The ambiguity doesn’t dissuade the students, though, and some of them even relish the idea of being The One to figure it out once and for all.
This is the situation one day near the start of the semester. Squeaky sneaker steps echo down the fourth floor hallway of the earth sciences wing and, somehow, Kei knows that whoever it is is coming for him. It’s reaching the tail end of the lunch hour, and though he technically keeps his office hours during this period, few students ever stop by in the precious time between morning classes and afternoon labs. Occasionally, however, one of the few people who actually care about his Introduction to Geology class stops in to review notes, or someone who missed lecture comes by to get the assigned reading.
It’s not that Kei doesn’t like teaching – some twisted part of his brain actually enjoys it. It’s just that at his current place in his career, on one of the lowest rungs of academia, he keeps getting stuck teaching the Intro course each semester. What makes it worse is that the university doesn’t have its own dedicated paleontology department, so he operates under geology. While any paleontologist knows more than enough about geology to be able to teach the class, it’s not really what he’s passionate about. So, even though every year he pitches the idea for a class in his subspecialty, paleobiology, the chair of his department continues to shut him down.
He imagines this will continue to happen until he finds a position elsewhere or gets promoted up to Assistant Professor, but he’s got at least another year before he can even be considered. It might go faster if one of the old men holding titled professorships would just retire or die, but Kei’s been lectured before on wishing ill on others for his own gain. For now, he has to be patient.
That’s fine, he’s good at being patient. It’s how he’s lasted the past few years dealing with the stupid rumor that his students all seem to be obsessed with. The thing is, he wouldn’t mind putting the whole rumor to bed, but there’s one thing still missing. No student has ever asked him (or Yamaguchi, as far as Kei knows) outright if they’re together.
Kei would really be happy to answer them if one of them could just buck up the courage, but in the years the rumor’s been around, nobody ever has. He assumes it’s because they feel it would be rude, or that they’re scared of him, but they’ve got it completely wrong. He’d much rather a student bring it up to his face than continue to jabber about it behind his back like he knows they do. It’s especially bad when it happens in the atrium of the science center, where voices carry and Kei hears everything.
Plus, he figures part of the point of college is learning how to be inquisitive and ask questions. Kei is not the type to give any student something they haven’t earned, especially when that something is information about his personal life.
The footsteps grow louder, and then there’s a soft knock on the doorframe. He beckons the student inside, minimizing the window on his computer of two nearly-identical photos of a fossilized Stegosaurus stenops back plate. He’s supposed to be selecting images for a paper he’s submitting for publication, but keeps getting distracted by his email, or the lack of any. At least now he can blame his low productivity on this student.
“Ms. Tokunaga,” he nods at her as she enters. She’s a bright student, one of a few who participates actively in class discussions. Kei actually thinks that this might be one of the rare times a student comes to office hours to ask about the class.
“Hi,” she says, and from the way she speaks a little breathlessly and her eyes shine a little more fervently than normal, Kei makes an assumption: either she is out of breath from taking the stairs four flights up (unlikely; most people (including himself) use one of the elevators), or she’s nervous. If she’s nervous, she’s probably there to talk about one thing and one thing only, and Kei is once again the teacher of the geology department’s biggest bummer of a class.
“Can I help you with something?” Kei prompts.
Tokunaga seems to suddenly remember why she’s there. “Oh! Yes. Um, I was actually wondering if you could tell me about digs.”
Kei is back to not knowing what she’s there for, and resigns himself to simply riding this one out. “Digs?”
“Yeah, like, archaeology digs? Or paleontology, I guess,” she adds, gesturing at the framed photo on his wall of him crouched next to a partially uncovered mammoth skull.
“That’s in America,” he says of the mammoth, walking over to look more closely at it. “A huge sinkhole full of mammalian fossils. It’s been active for years – they just keep finding more.” He’d visited on a six-month fellowship during his doctoral studies. It had been rough, living away from his family for that long, and North Dakota was even more rural than the small town he’d grown up in, but he’d gotten to see fossils every single day.
“Wow,” Tokunaga murmurs. “What was it like, working there?”
Kei considers this. “I liked it, but it was also my dream at the time. If you didn’t love the work, I would imagine it could be hard being away from family and living with coworkers.”
Tokunaga nods thoughtfully. “So your wife didn’t come with you?”
Kei admires the casual way she says it. Normally, his students seem terrified to even broach the subject of his personal life, but Tokunaga at least isn’t a coward.
It’s still not good enough for him to give her anything, though. “I don’t have a wife,” he says, still looking at the photo.
“Oh,” she says, “sorry. For some reason I thought I remembered you being married.”
Kei says nothing.
“Um, but the dig was cool?”
At this, he nods. “Very. Are you interested in pursuing paleontology?”
She actually nods, somewhat to Kei’s surprise, though he supposes she could be lying. “Yeah, I was looking at classes for next semester and noticed you’re only teaching intro. Is your paleontology class only in the fall semester?”
“I don’t have a paleontology course,” Kei says, and he doesn’t mean for it to come out as bitter as it does. “Dr. Isobe does, though.”
“It’s too high a level,” she grumbles. “I can’t take it until I’m a third-year. There should be a mid-level one.”
“Tell the chair,” Kei says. “Seriously. I’d love to teach it, but they don’t think there’s any demand.”
“Really?” she asks, eyes lighting up. “Ok, thank you!”
“Sure,” Kei says, striding back to his desk. “Is there anything else?”
Tokunaga has the grace to look slightly ashamed at this. “I – uh, no, thank you!”
Kei turns back to his computer as she leaves. One new email, but it’s the weekly department update email. Kei scans it and closes his email, reluctantly pulling up his photos again before pulling out his phone instead.
Kei: Hi
Tadashi: !!
Tadashi: hi bb :)
Tadashi: good working lunch?
Kei: Had one whole visitor for office hours.
Tadashi: hey it’s one more than last week
Tadashi: real question or rumor hunter?
Kei: Both, I think.
Kei: She wants a lower level paleo class, and she wants me to teach it.
Kei: She actually said she’s going to submit a request to the chair.
Tadashi: omg!
Tadashi: bb that’s huge!!
Kei: I know.
Kei: Not getting my hopes up, of course.
Kei: But it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who wants me to teach a paleo course.
Tadashi: hey I do too!
Kei: I know Tad :P
Tadashi: :3
Kei: She also asked me if my wife came with me on digs
Tadashi: lmao your WHAT
Kei: Yeah
Kei: I told her I didn’t have a wife
Tadashi: ooo tricky
Tadashi: what’d she say?
Kei: ‘oh, sorry, thought you said you were married’
Tadashi: omfg
Tadashi: I know you hate that kinda stuff but I like her
Tadashi: like that’s actually kinda clever
Kei: Unfortunately I agree
Kei: So I just didn’t say anything
Tadashi: boo tsukki
Tadashi: tho that’ll probably give them enough to talk about for a couple weeks at least
Tadashi: ok I gotta get to class, see you at home? I’m leaving at 2
Kei: Yeah, I’ll be back around 6
Tadashi: love you!
Kei: I love you too
Tadashi: :3
Kei sets his phone in a desk drawer, trading it for a silver ring. He doesn’t have any hard and fast rules for when he wears his ring and when he doesn’t, but he was in the lab that morning, and usually takes it off if he’s going to be handling a lot of samples. He slides it back over his ring finger where it belongs and tries, once again, to focus on his work.
—
Kei returns to their small home in the suburbs as the sun is setting, casting everything in orange-gold. It’s Tadashi’s favorite type of sky; he always says his favorite is when the moon is out, because it reminds him of Kei, but Kei knows he just says that to be sweet. Tadashi loves golden hour, and that doesn’t bother Kei at all, especially considering how beautiful his husband looks in gold.
He walks into a home alive with the scent of fried garlic and onion. “I’m home,” he calls, toeing off his shoes before wandering to the kitchen. Tadashi is standing at the stove, stir-frying vegetables with one hand and responding to email with the other. He glances over his shoulder.
“Hi, Tsukki,” he says, sounding as excited to see him as he did when they were children. His hair is a little shaggy, but even with the extra length, he’s never been able to get rid of the cowlick in the back. Kei smooths a hand over it before planting a kiss.
“Smells good,” Kei says, wrapping his arms around Tadashi’s shoulders and resting his cheek on Tadashi’s head. He shuts his eyes, suddenly tired. They’ve done similar versions of this routine many times before, where Kei comes home exhausted from being around people, and Tadashi, who also came home exhausted of people but has had at least a couple hours to recover, acts as Kei’s charging station.
It works every time. All he really needs is one or two deep breaths of Tadashi’s shampoo, and his will to live slowly returns to him.
He pulls Tadashi more tightly into his chest until Tadashi laughs. “You’re gonna strangle me, Tsukki.”
“‘D never,” Kei mumbles into Tadashi’s hair. He lands another kiss on the cowlick, then moves down to Tadashi’s temple, cheekbone, and jaw, kissing as he goes. He has to contort himself a little to get to Tadashi’s neck, but he makes it work.
“Quit it,” Tadashi says, laughing still. “I’m trying to make dinner.”
Kei pulls away to say something, but Tadashi cuts him off with a wave of his spatula.
“If whatever you’re about to say is some sort of clever innuendo, don’t say it.”
Kei shuts his mouth, and then buries his face in Tadashi’s neck again.
“Tsukki,” Tadashi whines. He squirms in Kei’s arms, but he’s smiling. The smile widens as something occurs to him. “If you don’t get yourself under control, I won’t tell you the good news I got today.”
This is intriguing enough to break Kei’s focus. He moves his arms from Tadashi’s neck to his waist. “What good news?”
“Are you normal again?”
Kei rolls his eyes. He’s the most normal person on the planet, but he knows what Tadashi is asking. “Yeah, yes. What’s the news?”
Tadashi sets the spatula down on the drip-catcher and spins in Kei’s hold, looping his arms around Kei’s neck. Their faces are so close to each other that Kei could count Tadashi’s freckles. He does count them, at least once every couple of months, since they fade in the winter and multiply in the summer and the pattern is always changing. It’s one of his favorite activities for a lazy Sunday morning in bed, when the street they live on is quiet and the sun is streaming in through their half-shut blinds.
Tadashi bites his lip, searching Kei’s face, like he’s waiting for permission.
“What?” Kei asks, squeezing a little tighter. “Tell me it’s actually good news.”
“It is,” Tadashi says. “You ready?”
Kei is patient by nature – his mother used to say that he never cried when he woke up as a baby, and would just sit in the crib for who knows how long waiting for someone to come pick him up. Still, his pulse is starting to quicken as he waits for Tadashi to spill whatever these particular beans are.
He nods.
Tadashi takes a deep breath. “I got a call from the adoption agency.”
Kei’s eyes go wide, and Tadashi nods, answering the unspoken question.
“They think they found a good match for us, and they wanna set a time up to meet as soon as possible.”
“Holy shit,” Kei breathes. Before his mind totally has a grasp on what his body is doing, he squeezes Tadashi close to him and picks him up. He spins around just once – Kei is sensible like that – before placing him gently back on the floor and crashing his lips into Tadashi’s.
Tadashi is laughing still, almost uncontrollably now that Kei knows too. His giggles bubble up between their lips, and Kei kisses every inch of Tadashi’s smile, not minding that he sometimes gets more teeth than lips.
He pulls away to look into his husband’s eyes. “They really found someone?”
Tadashi nods, his smile faltering a fraction. “But remember, the mother still has to agree first. She has to like us.”
“That’s fine,” Kei says, more frantically than his normal, calm self. “You’re the most likable person on the planet. And we’re both well-employed and smart. Hell, I was even a professional volleyball player for a second – we check every box.” He digs his fingers into Tadashi’s side. “Nobody on Earth could meet you and not love you, Tadashi.”
Tadashi smiles again. “And you.”
Kei rolls his eyes. “We both know that’s not true. But, like I said – a professional athlete turned professor. Where my personality is lacking, my resume fills in the gaps.”
“I don’t think that sounds as positive as you think it does.”
Kei shrugs. He’s experiencing an emotional high he’s only felt a couple times before – at this moment, he’s basically indestructible.
He gestures to Tadashi’s open laptop on the counter. “So, did the email say when the mother is due?”
“Oh, yeah – that’s the thing,” Tadashi says, his trademark nervousness flashing across his face again. In moments like these, where he acts so similarly to his high school self, Kei can see how much older Tadashi is in a stark comparison. It’s strange, because Kei often feels like his life is a flash in the pan in the grand scheme of things, like he’s only known Tadashi a moment – and, simultaneously, like his love for Tadashi is the only eternal, permanent thing on the planet. It’s a small miracle to him that he could’ve loved someone for so long that he can notice the crow’s feet and smile lines as they develop; that he’s been loved for so long to be allowed that close up.
“Kei?”
Kei blinks. He’d gotten distracted by Tadashi’s face, not for the first time. “Hm?”
“Did you hear me? The baby is due next month.”
“Next…month.” Kei processes this slowly, but when it does sink in, the reaction is immediate. “Next month ?”
Tadashi nods. “I know.”
“So, when they said they wanted to set up a meeting ASAP…”
“...they meant it.”
Kei nods slowly. He thinks of what this means for them. They won’t be going in completely unprepared – they’ve been reading baby books, readying themselves for this moment, since before they even put their names in with the adoption agency. They have an empty room in their house to make into a nursery, but have put off putting anything in it, or even painting it. They have lists, though, in their heads and on their phones and on the back of receipts tucked into their baby books as bookmarks. Between Tadashi’s anxiety and Kei’s need to know everything about any subject that’s relevant to his life, they’re shockingly well-prepared.
“We can do that,” Kei says. When Tadashi looks at him doubtfully, Kei kisses his pout. This kiss is less frantic than all the ones that came before. There are a million types of kisses in the world, and Kei is an expert in knowing exactly which kind Tadashi needs at any given moment. This one is firm, but tender – a reminder of Kei’s support and his affection.
“We can do it, Tadashi,” Kei murmurs. “Did you email them back?”
Tadashi nods. “I gave them some times based on our shared calendar.”
Kei smiles. “Perfect.” He plants another kiss on the tip of Tadashi’s nose, then pulls back a little and sniffs. “Tadashi, I think the veggies are burning.”
Tadashi wheels around again, swearing loudly. Kei unlatches himself and leans against the counter opposite to watch Tadashi work, a soft smile on his face.
—
Kei develops a deep appreciation for the agency, and a greater understanding of the fee they’re paying. They have a meeting set up with their agent and the mother within a few days.
Kei is hesitant to think of Hana as a mother – she looks like she could be the same age as some of his students. She seems grateful but terrified, and Kei very strategically lets Tadashi do most of the talking for them both. He only answers the questions he’s asked directly, about his job and his interests.
“I played volleyball professionally for a few years before pursuing my doctorate in paleontology. Now I teach and do research at the university,” he explains, trying to modulate the tone of his voice the way he and Tadashi practiced so that he sounds more friendly.
He’s not sure it’s very convincing, but two days after the appointment, their agent calls Tadashi with the good news.
“Congratulations,” she says, voice crackly over the speakerphone. “Looks like you two are gonna be parents!”
“Oh, my God,” Tadashi says, barely audible.
After the initial shock and what feels like a million thank yous to their agent, Tadashi and Kei stay up all night celebrating and crying and panicking and planning, repeating the cycle over and over until they exhaustedly pass out as the sun comes up.
They drive into work together that day, Tadashi forgoing his usual bike ride in favor of a few extra minutes of sleep. When they park in Kei’s favorite spot, Tadashi pulls his bike from the trunk so he can leave at his usual early hour. They say their goodbyes, smiles extra wide, and go their separate ways, each heading straight to their department heads to file their paternity leave requests.
Kei comes home that night to a suspiciously quiet house.
“Tad?” he calls. There’s no smell of cooking, which Kei wouldn’t call a problem, but it is unusual – Tadashi loves making dinner. He’s a habitual meal planner. For there to be nothing happening is strange, to say the least.
“Tadashi!” Kei yells again, a little louder, a seed of worry beginning to take root in his chest. There’s no response, but from the corner of his eye, Kei spots a strip of light from under the door of the nursery, and he understands.
Tadashi is standing catatonic in the middle of the still-empty room, staring at the blank, white wall.
“Hi,” Kei says softly. “You ok?”
Tadashi shakes his head. “Kei, there’s nothing in here.”
“I know,” Kei says, ignoring the pang he feels at hearing his first name. Even married, Tadashi hardly ever calls him anything other than Tsukki. It’s a telltale sign that he’s in distress. “We both knew that. It’s gonna be ok, though, because we’re going shopping this weekend.”
Tadashi shakes his head furiously. “Do you know how much stuff people get from baby showers?”
Kei wraps his arms around Tadashi, pushing Tadashi’s face into his chest. “I do know, and I know you’re sad we’re not gonna have one. But my mom is coming down next week, and she’s bringing a whole car full of stuff Akiteru said he doesn’t need any more.”
Tadashi says nothing.
“Tadashi,” Kei murmurs. “It’s going to be ok.”
“Are we crazy?”
“No.”
“We have no idea what we’re doing.”
“We know enough, and we’ll learn on the job.”
“What if we fuck it up?”
“Tadashi,” Kei says, a little more firmly now, and pulls away to look his husband in the eye. “You are too smart to not be able to take care of a baby, and I’m too smart to agree to have a baby with someone I didn’t think would be an excellent father. You, Tadashi, are going to be a phenomenal father.”
Tadashi sniffs, but doesn’t say anything.
“We don’t know everything, and we’ll have to figure out a lot on the fly, but so has every other parent. So did your mom, with you, and my mom with Akiteru. We’ll learn. We’re very good at learning.”
Tadashi still says nothing, and Kei can see the walls behind his eyes raise up. He grabs Tadashi’s face between his hands and forces his gaze.
“Tadashi, you know I love you, right?”
Tadashi blinks, and nods.
“Good, because I do.” Kei kisses the tip of Tadashi’s nose, and then his forehead. “I love you, and you love me, and we’re doing this together. You’re not alone here, Tadashi.”
Tadashi heaves an enormous sigh and lets his head fall onto Kei’s chest. “I know,” he says, voice muffled by Kei’s shirt. “And I do love you. I’m just stressed.”
“Well, let’s try to fix that,” Kei says, and pulls out his phone from his pocket. He opens a new notes document, and then reaches around Tadashi to pull out his phone too. “Unlock your phone.”
Tadashi does so without question.
A few more taps on each phone, Tadashi still leaning into Kei, and he’s done. “Okay, look, baby.” Tadashi turns to look at the two phones as Kei gesticulates with them. “I made a shared note for us that we both have access to, so that any time we think of something that we need to do or buy, we can add it here. And then, whenever one of us does or buys something, we can mark it off. This way, we’ll always be on the same page, and we won’t end up buying two cribs or something.”
Tadashi stares for a moment. “Buying the crib is really something we should do together,” he mumbles.
Kei rolls his eyes but acquiesces. “Ok, bad example. This way, we don’t buy two of the same stuffed animal or too many onesies. Do you get my point, at least?”
Tadashi nods, and gives Kei a watery smile. “Thank you.”
Kei kisses him. “Anytime.”
“You’re being uncharacteristically nice today.”
“Yeah. Probably because I love you. You’re the only one who gets the nice parts of me.”
Tadashi wraps his arms around Kei’s middle and squeezes.
Kei squeezes back. “Now – what’s the number one most important thing; the thing we need to do first?”
Tadashi’s eyes go wide, and Kei can see the panic building back up. Kei jostles him lightly.
“Tad. Don’t think about everything all at once. What’s thing number one ?”
A moment of concentration, and then, “Painting.”
They nod at each other, and then look back at the wall. Kei adds 1. Choose paint color and 2. Paint to the list.
“What about blue?” Kei asks. “That’s a classic baby color.”
“A classic baby boy color,” Tadashi retorts. “What if we have a girl? Or, what if we have a boy, and he grows up all hyper masculine because we made him sleep in a blue room?”
Kei doesn’t respond to the hypothetical. He just nods. “So I’m guessing pink is out too, then?”
“Definitely.”
“Ok, what about green? That’s neutral.”
Tadashi raises an eyebrow. “Very Sendai Frogs of you, Tsukki.”
Kei groans. “Ok, forget green. Yellow?”
Again, Tadashi shakes his head. “Too garish.”
Kei squeezes him. “We’re gonna start running out of colors, Tad.”
Tadashi pouts, and Kei can’t ever put up a fight against that pout, so he keeps thinking. “What about a sunset color? You love the sunset.”
To his mild surprise, Tadashi nods. “I do love the sunset.”
“Maybe like a peach?” Tadashi starts to frown, and Kei quickly adds, “or orange?”
“Oh, orange,” Tadashi murmurs, looking back at the wall.
“Like maybe a mango,” Kei adds softly.
“Mango,” Tadashi repeats, nodding. Then he looks back at Kei mischievously. “Orange is a Karasuno color.”
Now Kei shakes his head. “No, not like Karasuno. Like sunset. Like mango.”
Tadashi giggles, and kisses Kei once, twice, and a third time. “I like mango.”
“Good,” Kei says. “Can I have your phone again please?”
Tadashi rolls his eyes, but hands it over unlocked.
Kei crosses out Choose paint color . “See?” he asks. “We’re already making progress.”
—
It’s a week or so later when, while walking to class, Kei gets an email notification. He reads the message as he walks, and then texts Tadashi.
Kei: My leave request was approved.
Kei: I’ll technically be on a leave of absence for the rest of this semester since it’s so short notice, and then official paternity leave next semester.
Tadashi: Yay!! Mine too!
Tadashi: did they say when your last day of teaching will be?
Kei: They want me teaching right up until the baby is born, so I guess that’s up to Hana
Tadashi: lol
Tadashi: They’re letting me pick, I think I’ll go through the end of the week and then I’ll be able to spend time at home getting stuff done and like ready to go any time
Tadashi: when are you telling your class?
Kei: Today, I guess
Kei: Considering she could go into labor really any day, I might as well tell them now
Tadashi: wow
Tadashi: they’re gonna flip out
Tadashi: make sure you tell them at the end or they won’t listen to a word you say
Kei: Good point.
Kei: I love you.
Tadashi: love you too! Can’t wait to have a BABY with you!!!!
Tadashi: muah!
He waits, as Tadashi advised, until the end of class. He cuts his lecture about ten minutes short, knowing his students will probably have questions on questions.
“So,” he says, as a few students begin to pack things up, realizing the lecture is over. “That’s the end of class for today, but I do have an announcement.”
“Good news or bad news?” a random second year calls out from a middle row.
Kei thinks this over a moment. “I suppose it depends on how much you like having me for a teacher.”
Students exchange puzzled looks and hushed words. Kei only lets the confusion hold out for a moment before he says, “Sometime very soon, I’ll be going on paternity leave.”
The whispers drop immediately, replaced with stunned silence.
It takes a minute for it to sink in – they all seem a little more shocked than Kei can really find flattering. Then, a student in the front row, one of Kei’s most kiss-assy of pupils, is the first to say, “Congratulations!”
This is echoed around the room, until Kei holds up one hand to quiet them. “Thank you, I appreciate that. The baby is very likely to be born before the end of the semester, so Dr. Vu will be stepping in. Are there any questions?”
Hands shoot up around the room. Kei calls on them, one by one.
“Will the syllabus still keep the same schedule?”
“Yes, Dr. Vu plans to follow my lesson plans as written to make this easier on everyone.”
“Is it a boy or a girl?”
“We don’t know yet, we’re waiting until they’re born.”
“Will there be any changes to the final?”
“The final has already been written, but Dr. Vu has the license to change anything as she sees fit.”
“If you knew you were having a baby, why didn’t you take leave all semester instead of teaching two-thirds of a class?”
This question is met with a slightly uncomfortable silence, as some of the asker’s classmates appear clearly surprised that he would ask something so brazen. But Kei shrugs it off. He knows where this is going now.
“We didn’t know we were having a baby. My partner and I are adopting, and were only recently matched with a young woman who is due fairly soon.”
Now, they’re on the edge of their seats. He can almost see the gears whirring in their heads; the question bubbling up that everyone wants the answer to but that nobody wants to ask.
A hand shoots up.
Kei nods. “Ms. Tokunaga?”
She scooches forward eagerly in her seat. “Sir, by any chance, would your partner be Professor Yamaguchi of computer science?”
Every head snaps to look at Kei. Some of them seem just as eager as Ms. Tokunaga. Others look terrified that someone has brought up such a personal question to who is usually such a formidable professor. Only one or two look confused.
Kei smiles.
“You know, people have been trying to figure that out for years now,” he says, taking great joy in watching his students’ expressions rapidly shift, “and I’ve never said anything because nobody has ever actually asked.” He looks back at Tokunaga. “Until today.”
Tokunaga grins, and Kei can tell that she knows.
“So, to tell you the truth: Yes. Dr. Yamaguchi and I have been married for four years, and together for a long time before that.”
One more slow beat of silence, like everyone is processing his words through honey, and then cheers erupt.
He waves them off, and when most of the clamor has died down, he sends them off. “Class dismissed.”
A few students, including Tokunaga, come up to personally congratulate him again, but soon the lecture hall is empty. It funnily feels like the end of something big, but, he supposes, at least now he really has no reason to be subtle when with Tadashi on campus. That alone is a wonderful feeling.
—
The next two weeks pass by at both a crawl and a sprint as Kei and Tadashi wait with limited patience for the call that will change their lives, while also trying to frantically put together a nursery. The paint color they end up choosing is called Mango Sorbet, and it looks exactly as they imagined. They accent the room with pine furniture and an off-white rocking chair and hang paintings of smiling dinosaurs and eventually, the space begins to feel like a bedroom a person could live in.
With Tadashi on leave, Kei starts eating his lunch on benches outside, enjoying the last bits of nice weather. On one of those days, he returns to his office to gather his materials for lab and finds a cardboard box outside his door.
He carries it in, noting how heavy it is for its size, and drops it on his desk with a thud. He opens the flaps of the box, and reads the sticky note at the very top.
To Profs. Tsukishima & Yamaguchi
Best wishes for your new addition, and please send photos!
Sincerely,
GEO 101 and COMPSCI 116
He sets the sticky note aside gingerly and looks back at the box. The cause of its weight becomes immediately clear: the box is filled to the brim with children’s books. Some are board books of colors, others simple picture book stories. They range in quality, from one or two still in shrink wrap to some that have been clearly very well-loved. About half are about or contain dinosaurs.
Kei immediately takes a picture of the sticky note, and then one of the books, and sends them both to Tadashi.
Kei: Look what I found outside my office.
Tadashi: oh my god
Tadashi: I’m gonna cry
Tadashi: they really got those for us???
Kei: I think probably more for you than for me. Your students love you.
Tadashi: it was left at your office!
Kei: Because they know you’re on leave
Tadashi: I think your students love you more than you realize.
Kei: Maybe.
Tadashi: are you crying?
Kei: You know I don’t cry
Kei: I didn’t even cry at our wedding
Tadashi: not what I asked
Tadashi: and why would you bring that up???
Kei: No I’m not crying
Tadashi: I don’t believe you :P
Kei sets the phone down. He’s not crying, really. But there is a little bit of a pinched feeling behind his eyes, and a warmth he doesn’t really have a name for spreading through his chest.
He’s always thought of himself as the tough, cranky professor who students took classes from because they had to for their major, and he’s sure that’s still at least half true. But if this box is anything to go by, they must not all hate him, and must actually like him in some measure.
It took a long time for him to accept that Tadashi loved him. It started their second year of high school. Well, actually, it started the day they met, since Tadashi always says he’s loved Kei since day one. But it didn’t really take off until high school.
They’d been each other’s only friends for years, and then, suddenly, Kei was sharing Tadashi with Hinata and Yachi and the whole rest of the volleyball team. They all loved Tadashi from the beginning, and hated Kei.
Ok, they didn’t actually hate Kei. He knows that now even if he didn’t really know it then. And he didn’t exactly make it easy for them to like him – he also knows that now. He was used to it always being Kei and Tadashi, two stringy middle blockers who needed nobody but each other. When Tadashi started making other friends, Kei found himself getting left in the dust.
They got through their first year but, by the second, Kei couldn’t shake the voice constantly telling him that Tadashi was moving on without him. Kei tried to pull away quietly, letting Tadashi go off with the others without a fight, thinking he was doing Tadashi a favor. He wasn’t, which Tadashi made very clear in an altercation after the first tournament that year. It was the biggest fight they’d ever had, and somehow ended with a kiss, and they’d been together ever since.
Through college and Kei’s stint with the Sendai Frogs, they were together. Even when Kei went to America, the farthest and longest they were ever apart, they stayed together, and it wasn’t even difficult.
He looks down at the sticky note, and the words seem to leap off the neon pink paper – your new addition .
It’s been Kei and Tadashi for twenty years but, soon, it’ll be Kei and Tadashi and a baby and, for the first time, he doesn’t consider it an intrusion.
Kei is not a crier, and yet he finds himself frantically swiping away drops of water before they can ruin any of the books.
That night, Kei is deep in REM sleep, dreaming that he’s swimming to the bottom of the ocean when a hand wraps around his arm and drags him back to the surface.
He wakes with a start and blinks blearily at the figure above him. “Tadashi?”
“It’s happening!” Tadashi is kneeling in their bed, hand still wrapped vice-like around Kei’s upper arm.
Kei’s head pounds from being woken up so suddenly, and without his glasses he can barely see in the dark of their room. “What? What’s happening?”
Tadashi leans down so Kei can see him, eyes wide and frantic. “The baby , Tsukki,” he moans, shaking Kei’s arm now. “Hana just called. She’s in labor.”
Kei’s brain finally snaps to attention. “Oh,” he says, and then again, “Oh! We have to go.”
Tadashi nods furiously, then they’re both scrambling out of bed. Kei’s foot gets stuck in the sheets and he stumbles over himself in his attempts to free it. He’s never been the most graceful, and now, only somewhat awake and body heavy with sleep, he moves like a drunk giraffe.
Together, though, he and Tadashi move gracefully, like partners in a dance. As Tadashi gets dressed, Kei throws the last few pieces in their go-bag – their phones and chargers, wallets, and keys. The bag already contains newborn-size diapers and a couple bottles, as well as copies of all the adoption documents and whatever else they think they might need. Then, they switch places, and Kei gets dressed while Tadashi throws together little snack bags for them and fills their water bottles. They hadn’t rehearsed this part, and yet they move through it with perfect synchronization and in total silence.
Kei drives. He usually drives, but especially now, with Tadashi panicking, it’s about a million times safer. In the passenger seat, Tadashi mutters to himself, a strange mix of platitudes and planning to keep himself calm.
“You’re gonna be fine,” he says, “you’re gonna go to the front desk and give them Hana’s name and then you’re gonna be fine.”
“Tadashi,” Kei interrupts. Now that he’s a little more awake, the hoarseness has gone out of his voice.
“Hm?” Tadashi looks up, startled from his stupor.
Kei glances at him. The road is empty at this hour, but still, he doesn’t take his eyes away for more than a millisecond, despite how much he may be tempted to. The night casts a blue shade over Tadashi’s face, interrupted every so often by the orange glow of a streetlight. He looks beautiful in every lighting, but there is something about this moment that makes Kei think that Tadashi here and now is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.
“I love you,” he says.
He hears a soft, breathy sound that might be a laugh or a sigh of relief. “I love you too, Tsukki. Since always.”
“This is going to be okay. You know that, right?”
Another breathy sound, this one a little more distressed. “I do know. I still can’t help but feel like we just jumped out of a plane without a parachute.”
“We’ve read the books. We’ve done our research. We have our parents, if we need them. That’s all any first time parents can do.”
“I know. I know you’re right, Kei, I just…”
“I know, Tadashi.” He glances over again, just enough to make eye contact. “We’ll figure it out though, right?”
He can see Tadashi’s nod from the corner of his eye. “Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.”
They aren’t allowed into the room when Hana delivers the baby. They knew this ahead of time, and accepted it. Instead, they’re led to a nearby room where a nurse promises they’ll be brought the baby as soon as the doctor’s have made sure all is well.
They sit like rocks side by side, unmoving, unblinking. There’s nothing left to say, and all they can do is wait. Kei thinks briefly about lying down in the bed, but doesn’t want to fall asleep when everyone else is working so hard to bring their baby into the world. So he and Tadashi sit for several hours on a green vinyl couch, hands clasped tightly together.
The next time the door opens, the light of dawn has begun to pour through the window, casting a glow on the white tile and nearly blinding the nurse as she walks in.
“Hello, you two,” she says. Her hands are conspicuously empty.
Kei doesn’t realize that he’s standing until Tadashi joins him. “Is everything ok?”
She nods, and raises her hands pacatingly. “Yes, everything is fine. She’s perfectly healthy. I just wanted to come check that you were ready.”
“We’re ready,” Tadashi says, and his voice is strong, no quiver.
The nurse smiles. “I’ll go and get her, then.”
She leaves, and Kei and Tadashi stand still for another moment.
“Did she say her ?” Tadashi asks, breathless.
Kei nods. “Yeah, I think she did.”
Tadashi’s eyes are already full of tears as they turn to each other. “We have a daughter?”
“Oh, don’t start,” Kei says, but he doesn’t mean it. He loves Tadashi’s ability to wear his heart on his sleeve. He lays his hands on either side of Tadashi’s face and kisses him, hard. “Don’t cry or you’re gonna make me cry.”
Tadashi laughs. “You’re not a crier, though.”
“Yeah, well, today’s special,” Kei mumbles. And if it were ever going to happen, it would be now. He kisses his husband again.
Just as they separate, the door opens again, and they whirl to face it. The same nurse as before comes in, pushing a bassinet lined with a pink blanket. Tadashi grabs him again, and they knit their hands together as they look at their daughter for the very first time.
Kei knew that babies are small, but this baby seems especially so. She’s asleep, with her little hands curled into fists by her face. She has a little pink and white striped hat on, but under it, a few strands of light brown hair sweep over her forehead. She has barely any eyebrows, but very long lashes. Her skin is ruddy and wrinkly and Kei can’t help but think she looks a little bit like a gummy bear that sat in a hot car for too long. She is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.
“Can we hold her?”
The nurse smiles. “Of course,” she says, and motions for them to sit down. She lifts the baby carefully from the bassinet and places her in Tadashi’s arms, showing him how to support her head.
“Oh, Tsukki,” Tadashi coos, “look at her.”
“I know,” Kei says, voice thick.
“Are you crying?” Tadashi asks in the same soft voice, not bothering to look at Kei.
“Yeah,” Kei says, and that’s the end of it.
Tadashi leans his head into Kei’s shoulder. The baby in his arms stirs a little, then blinks her eyes open. Kei holds his breath as she surveys them both.
“Hi, baby,” Tadashi says. “We’re your daddies. We’re yours.”
“Hi,” Kei whispers. “Hi,” he whispers again, because he cannot think of what else to say to this perfect little creature.
The baby seems satisfied enough, and goes back to sleep.
The nurse walks over, and Kei had almost forgotten she was there, he’s been so enraptured. He worries she’s going to take the baby away, but she stops at the bassinet. She pulls out a little card from the front, and looks at them.
“Is there a name I can write? If you don’t know yet, the surname is fine.”
Kei and Tadashi look at each other. “We know,” Tadashi says, and Kei nods.
“Reina,” he tells her. “Yamaguchi Reina.”
“Beautiful,” she says, and adds it to the card. “Would you like me to take a photo?” she asks then.
“Yes, please,” he says, handing her his phone. He wipes his cheeks quickly and wraps an arm around Tadashi.
She takes a few and hands the phone back.
“I can give you a few minutes, if you’d like?”
Tadashi nods. “Yes, please.”
She smiles kindly. “I’ll be just outside if you need anything.”
She goes, and they look at the photos together – their first photos as a family. Kei sends them to his mom and Akiteru, and then to Tadashi’s parents. Then he opens a group chat he often has muted, and sends them there as well.
Kei: New crow.
Kei: [2 images attached]
Suga: oh my god! Congrats guys!
Hinata: AAHHHHHHHH
Hinata: OMG OMG OMG COONGRATUSLATIONS!!!!!!!!!
Suga: I didn’t even know this was happening!
Suga: She’s ADORABLE
Noya: HOLY SHIT
Noya: CONGRATS DUDES!!
Noya: Asahi looked at these for 0.2 seconds and started crying
Noya: but he also says congratulations
Tanaka: TSUKKI AS A DAD??? HOT DAMN
Kageyama: is that ur baby?
Hinata: literally who else’s would it be idiot?
Kageyama: he didnt say dumbass how am i supposed to know
Daichi: Wow! Congrats, guys!
Asahi: Hi I am NOT crying
Asahi: I am very happy for you both though
Suga: It’s ok Asahi, you can cry. It’s very cute.
Asahi: I’m not crying!
Tadashi reads the messages over Kei’s shoulder as they come in, holding Reina tight to his chest.
“Hinata and Kageyama will still find anything to fight over,” Kei sighs. “Thunder stealers.”
Tadashi snorts. “Aw, don’t be jealous, Tsukki.”
“I’m not jealous. I think they’re stupid.”
“Don’t say stupid in front of Reina,” Tadashi says. “Little ears, Tsukki.”
Kei plants a kiss on Tadashi’s cheek. “She can’t understand me yet, love.”
Tadashi rolls his eyes. “Do you wanna hold her? I feel like I’m hogging her.”
“Yes, I do. Let me do one more thing first.” He’s not exactly scared to hold her, though he is worried that she might be scared or hate him or start wailing and he won’t know how to stop it. He really does have one more thing left to do.
He opens a new email from his university account, and attaches the photo of the three of them. He makes the subject line “Paternity Leave Starts Now”.
Students,
First, thank you very much for the books. Reina will never be short of a story when she needs it.
Be nice to Dr. Vu, and good luck with the rest of your semester.
Best,
Dr. Tsukishima.