Archive of Our Own ^beta

It had been a little longer than a while since he embraced it — the acceptance. It didn’t wash over him in waves of relief, nor did it come over knocking on his heart’s door. The process itself was quite a tedious one; for who could blame him of trying to embrace his fragile heart, cradled between his calloused fingers, softly whispering sonnets of cherish and longing? No, the acceptance didn’t come ravaging at the darkest hours of twilight when he was bundled up comfortably in his sheets. It came slivering through the quiet gaps in his persona, a gentle simmerring in his chest with an unexplainable fear — the fear that he won’t — no, he can’t truly survive without the scribbling of plastic markers on cheap ivory paper, the hushed smiles exchanged in grey hallways under the setting sun and goosebumps up his skin every time the other’s smile rivalled the sun’s.

Because he simply chose to live his life in that way — completely and utterly enamoured by even the simplest thought of the other, lost in the translation of the language their eyes spoke when they met on familiar paths under blossom trees; longing for the other across a misty window glass, yearning to be touched, held and loved. He simply chose to become tongue tied, his brain spiralling into a frenzy of thoughts, all appreciation and tender words turning into mush when the other slowly grasped onto his sharp edges, moulding them into soft pliable ones. He simply chose to live his life endeared by his other half.

And how could he not live his life, simply being captivated by the mere thought of the other? How could he not lose himself in the vast galaxies of the other's eyes if they only provided him with kindness and compassion. He didn’t mind if you called him a hopeless romantic, for love had made its way to him in a familiar shape — someone that he might have truly cherished in his past lives, waiting to be adored over and over and over again. For this time, he didn’t want to run. He didn’t want to wipe the slate clean, begin all over again with a blank canvas. But perhaps if he had the choice to start over, he would easily allow himself to be cherished by the boy who stole his breath away, on a mundane Tuesday night, not under the stars but the warm glow of a white fluorescent light. And if you asked him again, maybe, just maybe — he would relive it all over again. Standing nervously at the backdoor of an old suburban style cottage with his fingers lingering on the knob, he decided at that moment — he would let go of his fears. The fear of falling in love, the fear of where life would take you the next day, the fear of being wrong; the fear of losing him. He decided then he would care for the other, just as he deserved to be — naturally, candidly and fully. 

‘You are the collection of all the tenderness I have ever captured in a polaroid’ was what he thought on a fateful night under the stars. It was the first time he saw his other half away from the neon sheen of the cheap store bought light, under the spotlight of million galaxies in the universe. Staring into the other’s eyes ( ‘his very own star clusters’ , his brain had provided) he understood he had found a name to this feeling. The other boy was like a shooting star in a dark ebony night, devoid of any serenity from the moon — he was a new light of hope in his life, a striking warmth lighting up in his heart — he was his wish come true ; a wish he never knew he asked for but was his own missing puzzle piece. This emotion of yearning, the wondrous flip his stomach did only at a mere glimpse of the other, the clenching of his heartstrings as he clutched his soft pillow tightly, the night skies stirring in joy as the kind boy finally put a word to all his beautiful agonies.

It was how they began. With promised hearts bonding through glass planes and cheap polaroid frames, the windows of their hearts opening up to each other. With hushed whispers and fingers tracing each other’s palms under the warm light of his vintage table lamp. With doodled promises engraved on yellow white crisp papers, the red and blue bleeding into the paper making all of their mundane notes to each other the real evidence of what could not be spoken out loud. It was how two people fell in love —

— as if they were waiting for the word to catch up to the feeling.

Glimmers of pearl and linen, a flash goes off in the background. A calm touch on the base of the camera, the light reflecting off of the lens making it all seem oh so ethereal . A satisfied grunt and a smile, the man behind the camera scrunches up his nose when the warm filtered light hits the lens right, at an exact angle. The dust softens up the scene, shaping the edges into something more pliable, easy to touch. Fuschia with a hint of rouge pink floats in the air, the lens of the camera focusing on the delicacy and femininity of the object, which was to be locked away in a photograph. The minute grain of the film camera provided a hint of nostalgia, along with the feeling of subtle glamour to the jewel of nature, waiting to be captured into the polaroid of his heart. Suddenly — warm beige light falls on the nimble entity, casting a shadow at a right angle. Finger resting right on the shutter, the perfect moment —

“ How long are you going to take to click that shutter? ”

“ Huening kai — ”

“ What! I’ve been standing here for the past ten minutes trying to hold my breath in case I disturb your perfect angle , but you’ve been fidgeting while trying to take the photo of a flower in a vase! Now, if it had been a bouquet of roses for me, I would have absolutely been head over heels for you, but a single pink dahlia? ”

A groan, the light brushing of a plaid jacket, round oak rimmed glasses perched upon a button-shaped nose. He brushes a calloused hand through his tangled ebony hair, in hopes to get a few idle strands away from his face. The man behind the camera smiles thoughtfully, as if the bundle of emotions in his mind suddenly clicks, the symbolism behind the flower only for him to decipher. Smoothing out the creases & wrinkles on the cream linen fabric of his shirt, he stands up, taller than people judge him to be, and smiles graciously at his best friend who simply shrugs at his cryptic behaviour, the latter being well acquainted with his philosophical nature.

“Dahlia is an unusual flower to photograph, you're right. But what people don’t realise is that the flower symbolises a lasting unbreakable bond between two lovers, since this flower lives longer than most garden plants. Many people don’t realise the beauty of a single dahlia flower, its idle softness and divine femininity striking through the dull grey walls of the hallway — it’s actually a really enchanting gift from nature. Plus it doesn’t have thorns like a rose, which makes it a much better flower to give on valentine’s day.”

“What privilege did I earn of hearing the romantic symbolism behind the Dahlia flower from the one and only, Choi Beomgyu today?”

“You’re my best friend Kai, you know you have to deal with my dreamy philosophical rants about love. Plus you ruined my perfect angle, so I guess the blurry photo has to do.”

The film student glared in faux annoyance at his best friend, who cheekily grinned at him as if he had achieved great success at that moment. Sighing, he waited for the camera to print the polaroid so the two could look at the memory that he had enraptured in the picture. The polaroid photo looked like a still from a film, with the particles of dust frozen around the brightly coloured Dahlia petals, as if they were framing the flower in a soft, blurred frame — marking an invisible line protecting the blooming flower. The petals under the warm sunlight looked lively, as if they had been emitting the glowing light themselves; while the petals engulfed by the shadows looked tender, as if they were caressed by the cosmic supernovas themselves. The stark ash grey background of the cool tiles suddenly seemed to soften up into a creamy cloud grey under the gilded rays of the afternoon sun.

“How do you always capture so many emotions in a picture?!?” Huening kai exclaimed as he snatched the small picture out of his hands, staring at it with wondrous eyes. Beomgyu glances endearingly at the latter; knowing that his best friend was an English major stirred warmth in his heart. It was one of the many things that they shared a common ground on, being able to interpret the very essence of nature in different forms; be it words or frames.

“It’s one of my hidden charms Ning, the photo could’ve turned out much better if someone didn’t interrupt me, though I can try to work in some details with the blurred effect.”

“Before you start another monologue about how blurred polaroids symbolise eternal adoration, I should remind you that you’re late for your film class.”

“Oh shoot , I gotta run Hyuka, I owe you one!”

“ Yeah you do! I’ll meet you at the gate.”

The man behind the camera didn’t waste time in packing up his equipment hastily, leaving no room to halt to catch his breath, or keep the vase at its original place; because he had been working hours planning, thinking and capturing the moment in his polaroid for his extremely important assignment. He watched as his best friend threw him a small thumbs-up sign and moved towards the opposite end of the hallway, possibly rushing towards his own ‘Introduction to Renaissance Literature’ class, which he had cribbed about not wanting to attend the previous night. It had become quite a habit for them to dart at an expeditious speed to their classes, but he would lie if they didn’t do it for the thrill of it.

Meet Choi Beomgyu — a second year university student majoring in media arts — who was currently rushing towards his class across the campus, for he certainly could not afford to miss his presentation for his ‘Image Making 101’ that he had spent hours and hours over, pondering how to secure the emotion of love in the lens of his camera. It was an unexpected yet intriguing topic their professor had chosen for this semester, nonetheless he had tried his best to come up with an impressive stance. And though he wouldn’t want to seem arrogant and proud, he was absolutely sure that his professor would definitely love his stilt.

He muttered some swears under his breath as he saw the professor already in the class, instructing the others how to present their works. All this running, just to be late for my first important presentation of the semester? He shook his head, swaying away all his jitters for this class because he knew he could ace it; after all he was the teacher’s favourite — they would surely give him a pass for being late right?. After giving himself over 20 pep talks in his head, he slowly pushed the door open to enter the class.

“Is everyone clear with the instructions? Right! Everyone will now start presenting their photogra— Oh, look what we have here, the one and only. Choi Beomgyu, you do realise you’re late for my class as well as the presentation right?”

“I’m sorry Mrs Seo, I was just across the campus so—”

“Don’t stand at the door now! You’re already late so you best come inside.”

Beomgyu bowed awkwardly as he entered the classroom, his head hanging low in embarrassment and a little bit of nervousness. After all, he had worked a lot for this presentation, he couldn’t afford to be anything less than perfect; for the presentation held 40% of his course for this semester, which by the way was an absurd portion of his course for a mere polaroid. But he could do nothing more than play his part and deliver his best — it was the most he could do for now. Beomgyu walked towards his seat in slight chagrin, since his record of not being late to class had shattered, possibly on the most important days of all. As he was about to sit on his usual seat, a voice stopped him.

“Wait, since Mr Choi here is already late, how about we start the class with your entry first?”

The former abruptly halted on his track, the nerves finally settling into something much worse — the sinking feeling of doom. Of course, no one wanted to be first in a presentation, they would rather scribble notes after learning from the mistakes of the ‘unlucky number one’ pointed out by his teacher with her full focus. The professor eyed him as she cocked a questioning eyebrow at him, urging him to come forward quicker. Beomgyu gulped anxiously, not expecting everyone’s eyes on him, his palms sweating as the attention of the class slowly diverted towards him. Slowly keeping his bag on the chair, he nodded softly before whispering a small, “of…. of course.”

Taking a taxing breath, he quickly grabbed the polaroid he had encased safely in his pocket as he moved towards the front of the class. He fixed the glasses sliding down his nose and slowly clutched his wrist in attempts to shove down the butterflies, while trying to appear as confident as he could. Looking at his professor who was waiting for him impatiently to start, he subtly nodded as he gripped his polaroid tightly and showed it to the class.

“Well, the assignment was about capturing the emotion of love , in a polaroid. And for the activity, I wanted to capture the essence of love in nature, which is often overlooked. I took a photograph of a pink dahlia which represents everlasting bond and innocence. The garnet pink with the undertones of salmon colour specifically symbolises purity and innocence which can be well seen under the filtered white sunlight through the windo—”

“Okay that’s enough, next .”

The second hand of the white rimmed analogous clock stopped moving, a single beat slipped. Beomgyu felt as if the air was knocked out of him, his body almost sinking onto the floor. At that moment, he wanted nothing more for the floor to engulf him as a whole, for what could possibly make the latter cut off his speech while he was reaching the best part? He looked in disbelief at Mrs Seo, who simply stared at him without any emotion in her irises, motioning him to sit back at his seat so that the next student could advance. And he could do nothing but oblige to his teacher’s order, just praying that he would get even quarter of the marks allotted for the assignment.

“Oh before you go,” she said while writing something on her pale lined notepad, “Wait after class, I would like to talk to you about your assignment.”

Deflated, beomgyu nodded at the teacher who shifted his attention from him to the other student. He could feel the eyes of the others in the room boring into him like stinging daggers, as if they were mocking him whilst questioning why he was cut off at the same time. Sinking onto his slate grey sleet chair, he mindlessly fiddled with the end of his shirt, thinking about what went wrong. Was it the way he described the flowers? Was it the lighting or the fact that the picture was blurred just a touch? Was it the way he had planned to capture the blooming buds of the flower but ended up capturing the full flower all the same? He didn’t know what went wrong and he certainly wasn’t looking forward to the end of the class.

Beomgyu didn’t realise how quick the time went by, once playing with the hem of his shirt, now he was standing right in front of his professor, who seemed to look at his polaroid with an unexplainable expression. A deviant glint in her eye, he observed as the professor slowly moved her eyes along the light and shadows of the picture, perhaps admiring it under her careful watch — an unlikely outcome perhaps. With a sigh, the professor turned in her creaky maroon office chair as she let out an inaudible sigh. 

Shaking his head, beomgyu sat on his seat as a flurry of thoughts went through his head. “Did I do something wrong?” “Was it not well done?” passed through his mind as he couldn't even meet his professor eye to eye, words fumbling with a spiral of thoughts.

“I must say Choi Beomgyu, you do take your craft quite seriously — I didn't expect my student in just the second year to produce an art piece of such high quality — dare I say, better than mine.

The 20 year old felt his legs give in as he gripped the edge of the oak table ever so slightly with pressure. The poor student let out an inaudible gasp, with wide eyes and a rouge spreading over his cheeks, for beomgyu was simply at a loss for words as he didn’t quite imagine this to go as it supposedly went. Who could even blame the poor student for blushing uncontrollably, when he expected a harsh criticism instead of the string of appreciation he received from his professor? As soon as the said teacher looked at his downcast face and flustered expression, she started laughing uncontrollably while patting the back of her student in encouragement.

“Oh dear, I must have given you quite a shock by cutting you off between your beautiful presentation. Don’t worry child, you did quite well on the contrary.”

He looked at his professor, a little startled and terrified by the string of compliments she gave him. That is certainly not what I expected, he thought as he mustered the courage to look straight into his professor’s crinkled eyes.

“I was terrified you would hate my speech.”

“Ah, I knew it would give off the impression. However, I had my reasons for cutting you off.”, the teacher said as she stood up to fill her idle china cup with water from her warm thermos. After sipping the lukewarm water mixed with just a spoonful of wild honey, the professor retreated back to where she was comfortably seated on the teacher’s armchair and decided to answer all the unsaid questions her student had.

“Your presentation was quite extraordinary, beomgyu. It was almost as if you created art itself — by capturing the stilt, with the light hitting at an absolute perfect angle and the slight blur creating a sort of surreal atmosphere, drawing the eye to the softness of the pink dahlia placed in a crystal vase — it was perfect. However, as much as I want to appreciate your work, there is something that truly bothers me with your picture – you missed the point of the entire assignment that I gave to you.”

“But i did portray the emotion of love in my photograph—”

“Ah yes, the emotion of love. What is love, beomgyu? Is it the safety that nature provides or is it the true nature of man itself? Is love stored in the petals of flowers or is it held patiently between calloused fingers? I wanted to know what love means to you, little beomgyu. Where is the yearning and the longing in the photograph, the skillful capture of a secret rendezvous, perhaps the trickling sunlight kissing the constellated moles on a loved one? Anyone can skillfully lock away nature in a click, but locking away raw unchanged emotion is quite a tedious task — it's something that cannot be accomplished by everyone.”

Beomgyu observed as his teacher watched him with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, before she sank back to her comfortable cushion — it seemed that she was lost in some thoughts of her own. Suddenly she cleared her throat and turned to her student, “for me, love arrives in the form of my husband making me tea every single morning. It doesn’t matter if the days are cold or if there is no tea at home — he would go to any open shop early in the morning to buy my favourite jasmine tea and make it for me before I wake up. That is love for me.”

“What is love for you Choi Beomgyu?” 

The student stared at the granite floor of the office, staring hard enough just for something to come to his brain. The only notions running through his head were meaningless and empty — there was nothing worthy of true love that he could think of. He thought about the time he had truly felt the emotion of adoration for someone; however his heart struggled to think of a time he truly felt tender fondness for someone that wasn’t a member of his own family.

“I— I don’t know...” he trailed away.

“Then find your love, child. My next words might seem cruel — even unacceptable to you, but I want you to redo the assignment, because I know you can do much better than this.”

“But I already submitted the assignment!”

“If it was any other of my students, I would've accepted the photograph portraying love in nature, but I expect a little bit more from my favourite student, considering how well you were able to show the sentiment in a mere flower. I know it’s tough, you might think it’s impossible even — however if you aren’t able to find your love, I’ll accept the presentation after deducting some of your grade. Don’t be disheartened though! I’ll give you sufficient time till the annual winter ball to complete the assignment. That’s fair, right?”

And even if beomgyu thought his professor’s words were the most disagreeable at that moment, he simply couldn’t submit a work that didn’t hit the brief — considering he had spent hours and hours on this presentation — he simply couldn’t let his dearest work go to waste.

“I won’t let you down.” he gritted with a determined expression, wanting the latter to see the passion that he held for photography.

“That’s what I like to hear!” Mrs Seo explained as she spun around in her chair, her excitement filled to the brim. Though the same couldn’t be said for her student …

The frantic student quickly stood up from his wooden chair to bow an entire ninety degrees in front of his teacher. The latter simply smiled and nodded in confidence at him as Beomgyu did not waste even a single second in fleeing from the office, the pressure building over his shoulders with every step he took. It was a good thing the photography class was the last for the day — if not , he felt his body would simply crumble down with the intensity of the words that had reached his ears.

The looming ringing of you can do much better, played over and over in his head —

— for how could he redo an assignment which he had given his entire essence to, in a matter of months?

how could he capture love when he had never fallen in love himself?

Tangled laces, books piling on a maple stained pine table, strings of polaroids cascading from the ceiling with its ends fastened across the edges of the room — Beomgyu groaned in frustration as he threw off his green coloured canvas shoes on the floor and plopped on the soft mattress with a prolonged sigh. He felt the mattress of the bed sink under his weight as he let out a frustrated scream into the silk fabric of his pillowcases — trying to let all his misery out. Sprawled on his bed like a starfish, he couldn’t help but feel the gravity of the polaroid still gripped tightly in his hand, weighing his body down. Turning to his side, he stared at the white trimmed window blankly, as if he was waiting for inspiration to strike him like a lightning bolt. 

The neighbourhood on eternity street was a peaceful and exuberant one, a place where beomgyu and his family resided as well. On usual tranquil days like these, one would hear cheerful voices of children hopping along the path, playing hopscotch with each other; pigeons hooting at the arrival of hawkers selling syrupy fruits and middle aged women talking amongst each other in sweet ecstasy.  Contrary to the placid everyday routine, beomgyu was sure that the clatter of his running footsteps had surely masked whatever serenity the day had to offer. 

Even after his mom asked several times about the presentation before he climbed the stairs in haste, he decided to spare her from the silent treatment and concluded that “it went okay” would be the safest response he could possibly give her right now. After receiving feedback which made him go from shock to confusion, he decided that a little bit of alone time and solitude  would give the spark of motivation that he needed to ignite his heart. 

Yet, he could not help but laugh at his own framed agonies, for he had given each and every piece of his heart in the assignment — hoping it was enough for him to pass through. Unfortunately, what he didn’t know was that keeping his heart on his sleeve would ultimately bite him back.

Staring at his ceiling, he held the polaroid in front of his line of sight, where the picture was perfectly illuminated by the golden rays of the afternoon, sparkling as if it was made of pixie dust. The sunlight made the stark edges of the square a little soft and rounded — as if the same polaroid didn’t contribute to the scathing reaction he had received. He could laugh at the irony of it all, but he simply settled on not doing so due to the lack of inspiration and time. Beomgyu could very well feel the vibrations of his phone as it chimed with several messages at once but he decided to pay no heed to it, his mind settled on going through this agony alone. It was only when his phone started vibrating at an alarming rate that he decided to look at it, only to see his best friend calling him.

“I swear to god choi fucking beomgyu—” 

“Hyuka! Hey, how are you?”

“Don’t fucking ‘hey hyuka’ me alright? Care to explain why I was waiting for you for two hours of my precious time only for my boyfriend to tell me he saw you running from the uni gates almost two hours ago?!?!”

“Come on, hyuka. You have to be more specific with me, I’m not in the disposition to play mind games — I need to know which boyfriend you’re talking about.”

“Well then, I have two words for you — Choi Yeonjun.”

Beomgyu cursed under his breath as the image of a puzzle Choi Yeonjun standing awkwardly near the gates came to his mind. He whined helplessly as he buried his face into the sheets, hoping the floor would engulf him for the second time that day. Turning to his side while clutching his head, he sighed at his furious friend waiting patiently on the other side.

“You’re telling me Choi Yeonjun saw me running like a coward?”

“That's what you’re worried about?”

“Come on Kai, I have a reputation to maintain. If it would’ve been soobin, It wouldn’t have mattered too much since he has seen me through all my highs and lows — perks of being roommates through all of first year — but yeonjun? God no.”

“God, you’re so infuriating! First you leave me waiting at the gate for almost an hour and now you’re stressing over why my boyfriend saw you running? You’re so insufferable do you understand how worried i wa—”

“KAI!” the older boy yelled through the phone in attempts to calm his best friend down. “Wait, you were worried about me?”

“No, obviously not. My dearest friend, whom might I mention, has told me every single detail of an event since middle school, ran away after his most important presentation of the semester and I am absolutely rejoicing right now— OF COURSE I WAS WORRIED?!?!”

“Oh Hyuka, my little,” beomgyu trailed off as he sat up quietly on his bed and stared at the chantilly coloured walls of his room. “I didn’t expect you to worry so much about me.”

“Beomgyu, We’ve walked home together for the longest time since high school and we’ve always shared our important events and suddenly you’re just … not there? How do you expect me to be okay? I really got scared, I thought something happened to you.”

“I’m sorry for making you anxious.”

“Oh please bear-gyu, I might be a handful but don’t you ever DARE to apologise for taking time for yourself, I know it gets tough sometimes but you know I'm here for you, right? ”

“You’re the best, hyuka.” He smiled through his words, the tone of his voice lifting with every word he spoke.” He gripped his phone a little tighter, wishing his dearest friend was here to console him or just hug him tight and tell him it's okay to fail — however, the phone would do just fine for now.

A little whisper of ‘of course I am’ came from the other side as he imagined the younger one roaming around his room, arranging his things for the evening as he patiently heard him out. It was at random moments like these that he appreciated the other’s golden aura and warm comforting company of the literature major — it was the reason why the other boy was a literature major in the first place. If some people could provide simple ease through physical hugs and gestures, huening kai could easily spread his soothing aura through his golden words. Sometimes, not even words were needed — his presence was enough to fill the empty gaps between them, now occupied by the other’s compassion and enchanting glow.

“Okay, you might hate me for this but we really need to talk about this because I simply cannot let this occupy your mind for too long — how did your presentation go?”

Beomgyu felt his eyes become blurry, the tears threatening to fall like raindrops on barren land. It seemed as if a veil of blurry grain filter had been placed right in front of his eyes, the world blurred out of precision. It wasn’t a huge deal redoing this assignment, he knew that, but the realisation that he didn’t perfect it in the first place was dragging him down; high legs feeling like sinking ships in the sea as if the ground was nothing but quicksand, sucking him into his own misery and agonies. 

“It went … okay.” he said hesitantly.

“You don’t sound okay, we should be rejoicing yet we aren’t. What’s the truth, gyu?”

“Fine, I'm not okay Hyuka.”

A shift from the other side, and a cough was heard. He could feel kai rolling his eyes at him but then softening afterwards as he rolled off his bed to close his curtains. He knew that the younger had a soft spot for him but would laugh his typical dolphin laugh, denying all accusations of being soft for him. 

“I… I just expected for the professor to gush over how good the assignment was, you know? I mean I've done so well on all the assignments she had previously given me, how could this be any different? It turns out that I completely missed the point of the assignment, no matter how well my photo was because I didn’t capture what love means to me . She even applauded me, saying that I had skills that she could never even try to match but what’s the point of such empty compliments if I failed in the first place?”

“ Choi Beomgyu , I need you to stop hitting yourself for such a small mistake. Hey, it’s completely okay to make mistakes, especially in university because you’re giving yourself a chance to grow. Now I would absolutely scold you, if you decide to give up and just hope for the best. Because that’s not you, beom. You put your entire heart in that photograph and it really shows how much of an artist you are. And what do artists do? They fall and they rise from the ashes, like a beautiful phoenix. You, choi beomgyu, are the same phoenix who can prove that you’re better than some empty words. Show her that you can translate love perfectly onto a memory stitched into a polaroid. Because I know, you can.”

Beomgyu beamed as a string of golden hued compliments followed the younger’s words. To say that Huening kai was the most marvellous friend to ever exist would actually be an understatement, considering how much love and care the other offered to him. Frowns turned into laughs and gloom turned into joy — the younger was truly a godsend, and he was sincerely thankful for the other’s dolphin screams and his wise words; every single moment of the day. Assuring his best friend that he would be okay now and whispering sentences of gratitude to him, he finally hung up the call.

The emptiness he felt before the call was now replaced by a buzzing hope, a humming of hope in his veins. He glanced at the polaroid that was still gripped tightly in his palms — now a symbol of determination instead of failure. Jumping to his feet, he scanned through the room, looking for something to serve as an inspiration.

He believed that love could be found in the darkest corners, be it metaphorically or literally. For beomgyu, in the corner between his overloaded bookshelf and alarmingly sparse study table, perched on a wonky coffee table was a bronze coloured radio cassette player — one his dad’s many antique pieces that the latter was proud of. At the creative age of 14, young gyu had decided to explore the antique section of the garage to fulfil his need for artistry. It was certain to say that the young child was intrigued to find a turquoise colour cassette player, curious to know how the mechanics of the machine worked. As times changed, a deep bronze coat of spray paint bedazzled the old machine, yet the cassettes remain unchanged as they were, 15 years ago.

Holding the player in his arms, he perched it up on his side table, making sure to test it a few times if the dust-covered machine was working or not. Even if 14-year old Beomgyu and 21-year old Beomgyu had their natural differences, the shared love of music from his teens through his early adulthood years was still something that ignited his heart, something that made him truly happy.

Scourging through his drawer full of cassettes, he realised that the sun was soon to set, the golden hues fading into an inky darkness; though he didn’t mind the dark. The dark made him feel as safe as the golden hues of the sunset did, both felt like a different kind of blanket of comfort. A red cassette soon caught the corner of his eye, the cursive words of twistin’ the night away by Sam Cooke floating in front of his brown orbs. Soon, the cassette found its rightful place in the player — the music finding its way into Beomgyu’s heart.

It didn’t take much time for his body to sway to the music, it felt natural as he slowly flowed around the room, humming to the words they’re twistin’, twistin’ as he eventually erupted into a full dance around his room. The beat matched that one his heart, the rhythm under his breath and the music beneath his feet — he felt as if a layer of grain had been placed over his world, everything seeming to be enclosed in a film polaroid.

It was only at that fateful moment that his eyes seemed to have fallen on the window adjacent to his room, which belonged to the neighbours. He had often complained about the lack of privacy to his mom, embarrassed with the way anyone could see his room clearly at night. His mother had often complained about his negligent refusal to invest in a good pair of curtains — however beomgyu argued back that the moonlight streaming at the oddest hours of the night seemed to calm him down at times.

However, it wasn’t just the black framed window of the neighbours that had caught his eyes, no , because standing behind the window was a starstruck boy with glittering eyes, who seemed to have witnessed his entire session of pitiful dancing after his apparent failure. Suddenly, as if the grainy layer of a film camera had been lifted from his world, he felt the exposure rise and the world brighten as the clarity of the boy’s sangria red hair registered in his brain. He felt a warm rouge climb up from his neck to his cheek as both he and the boy blinked together, confused about how to proceed with this awkward situation.

It seemed as if the other boy had got the memo, because the other fled as soon as their eyes met, possibly towards the other corner of the room. Beomgyu felt his entire being turn to mush as he imagined the boy’s confused and mortified expression, watching a stranger dance so passionately to a retro 60’s song on a fateful Friday night. Before he could wallow in his embarrassed state anymore, he watched as the red head walked again towards the window, accompanied by a blue marker and a sheet of some sorts.

If he was in a dream, he would’ve possibly reasoned that the boy’s behaviour was something that his fanatic brain had thought of, to make him experience something near to a rom-com, which he couldn’t have in real life. However, this was real life, and he almost felt his legs turn give out, as if he was having an out-of-body experience, when the boy in the window placed the paper right against the glass pane.

“hi, I’m your new neighbour!” was inked beautifully onto the ivory sheets in a handwriting that was presumably a result of possible calligraphy classes the boy must’ve taken because how can a sentence be that beautiful? And if this wasn’t enough, the scarlet haired boy gave him a simple shy smile — and boy, Beomgyu felt angels singing in the background as he stared at the window, helpless and frozen, perhaps a little bit scared of responding to a pretty boy too.

Suddenly, he snapped out his trance as he watched the tall boy scribble something on the paper, perhaps a follow-up to his initial conversation starter. Though nothing could prepare him for what he was about to see, his legs sinking into the hardwood floors as if they were nothing but quicksand.

“You dance really well :D ”

If beomgyu wasn’t embarrassed before, he certainly wanted to disappear from the face of the earth after reading those words. It was the realisation that the other had been watching him dance for a while to deduce that he performed well and god, he just wanted to disintegrate at that spot. Discerning that not replying back might give off the wrong impression (and also possibly scare the pretty boy away), he quickly grabbed the nearest piece of paper and a red coloured marker that annoyingly bled onto the cheap printer sheets as he contemplated whether he should reply with a ‘thanks’ ( too direct, his brain thought) or a ‘thank you ;)’ ( too flirty for a stranger, he concluded).

In the end, he finally settled on a ‘thank you new neighbour’ as he tried to write in his most elegant writing. However, as he stood up to place the paper against the glass, the scarlet haired boy was nowhere to be found. ‘Did I scare him off?’ was the first coherent thought his brain had produced after being graced with his new neighbour’s presence. Suddenly, he noticed a small piece of paper against the neighbouring window, adorned with a small ‘I need to go have dinner, I’ll talk to you soon dancing neighbour boy!’ which put an end to all of beomgyu’s intrusive thoughts.

As the words on the paper made him melt into a puddle, he felt as if his failure of a day had quickly turned into his own personal win, his heart unknowingly yearning to see the boy again. With a deep breath, he placed his own piece of paper against the glass window, hoping that the boy would see it when he came back.

Needless to say, that night he dreamed about stars hung in golden brown irises and a pretty scarlet haired boy standing in a field of pink dahlias.

“So, what you’re saying is that your pretty neighbour simply smiled at you through his window and you decided you were going to pretty much dedicate your entire existence to him ?”

Soobin cocked an evocative eyebrow at the crouched boy who sat in front him, running fingers through his shabby locks with frustrated movements — as if he was too embarrassed to confirm that his prior statements were actually real. The eldest between the three leaned against his boyfriend’s shoulder peacefully while trying to decode the sudden gay panic his very own bestfriend was going through at the moment.

“When did I ever say I'm going to dedicate my life to him?!?!” Beomgyu exclaimed as he tried to defend himself, though the two boyfriends seemed pretty unimpressed by his opposing stance.

“ Really? That’s your best excuse? I cannot believe I got to know about this an entire week after you exchanged lovely messages with your cute neighbour — I should have been the first person to know about this.” Huening kai chirped in, as he sulked while brushing away the cookie crumbs from his lap.

He sighed as he gave his dearest friend a pleading, almost puppy-eyed looking — asking for the forgiveness he truly deserved — to which he received a huff of faux anger. I promise you'll always be the first person to know about everything; he mentally made a note as he slowly pushed the newly bought plushie he had won for the younger. To his delight, huening kai quickly snatched the stuffed toy from his arms, his eyes a little more forgiving and happier than before.

“What does he even look like?” A deep voice came from behind the chairs where the trio were seated. The youngest almost jumped in his seat and was about to give the intruder a murderous glare — however his eyes softened when he realised that it was his second boyfriend that had joined them for lunch.

“How long have you been standing here?” Soobin asked fondly as yeonjun sank on the wooden chair of the cafeteria, not forgetting to pat his boyfriends’ heads lovingly before smirking at beomgyu, who was trying to look everywhere but into the eldest’s orbs. “Long enough to know that someone has gyu absolutely head-over-heels in just two days. You guys aren’t being exactly discreet, you know? I could hear you from the hallway.”

“I really don’t have any chance to save my falling grace and dignity, do I?” the man in question breathed helplessly, as a sudden rouge spread on his cheeks travelling all the way to his cherry hued ears, indicating that he was in fact flustered of the situation, knowing that the one and only choi yeonjun — the man he has always looked upto — heard him gushing helplessly over his gorgeous neighbour like a lovesick teenager.

“So, what does he look like — this pretty boy of yours?” Yeonjun asked coyly.

Beomgyu turned towards him and sighed deeply. As much as he didn't want to fuel the fire, he knew he had to talk about the boy who had been running through his mind since that fateful Friday night. Inhaling deeply, he started — “I couldn’t see him properly under the fluorescent lights but I know that he has bright scarlet hair, which can’t even compare the maroon hues of the sunset. I know that he has beautiful handwriting, a talent that was seemingly gifted by the gods. His eyes, oh god his eyes, they look like little galaxies under the cheap lighting, as if his irises have a universe of his own. He looked as tall as me, though I couldn’t really tell. What I can tell though, is that he’s friendly and kind, and perhaps a part of me wants him to make the first move again.”

“I should’ve never asked you beom, you’re actually whipped for your neighbour.” The eldest remarked with a distasteful expression, as he slowly patted his boyfriend’s head before turning to the former again with a god, you’re so down it’s disgusting expression.

“Hey! You asked for it!” He moped as he turned towards the window, whirling towards nature to inspire him. No matter how much he tried, he simply couldn’t derive the meaning of love — desperate to finish his assignment with success. However, his brain was not occupied by thoughts of love but by stars hung on the window in front of his room, warmth in the shape of a kind human.

“Beom, you said that the boy had red hair right?” Huening kai inquired as he pulled him back into the conversation, halting his thoughts about the said boy.

“Yeah?” he asked, confused as the youngest made a suggestive expression, as if he knew something about the pretty scarlet boy.

“Like the boy right there ?” The latter pointed his index finger behind him, directly looking at the grey hallways on the further left of the cafeteria — the apparent way towards his next class for fine arts.

If beomgyu could ever rewind time back to this exact moment — perhaps he would have never made the mistake of looking back at where his best friend was pointing — maybe, this was the exact point in the space time continuum that the trajectory of his life changed forever . For better or for worse? Who knows?  Looking back at this moment, beomgyu knew he could have stood straight and not looked back at where huening kai was pointing, but he made the mistake of casting his gaze on the boy.

And perhaps, he would make that mistake over and over again.

Because leaning against the chiffon white walls of the brightly lit hallway stood none other than pretty boy — the boy who was apparently his neighbour, the boy who smiled kindly at him through his thick paned window — the boy who saw him dancing fervidly to a retro song and called him a great dancer. He watched as the boy with his luscious bouncing scarlet hair (that looked more cherry red under the lighting, as he noticed) as he gripped his overcoat above his shoulders in a way that made beomgyu weak in his knees. The boy wore a simple outfit of a white shirt with dark pants and an overcoat hung casually on his shoulders. And even though the weather was seemingly getting colder nowadays, Beomgyu felt the temperature rise a degree every time the boy came closer to the cafeteria.

“Fuck, that’s him. ” he whispered as his two friends whipped their heads as fast as lightning to look at the person who had him absolutely smitten.

“Wait, you mean pretty boy is Kang Taehyun?” Yeonjun spoke abruptly, halting beomgyu out of his thoughts about the other.

“Wait, you know him?” Soobin spoke suddenly as he asked the eldest for a proper explanation.

Beomgyu wasted no time in quickly cutting through the conversation as he pointed to the latter and spoke — “You, you have ten seconds to explain everything.”

“Well, I know this redhead of yours is a new student since I saw him near the admissions office on Monday. And while you were away for an entire week for prep break, he tried out for the football team and made varsity — I saw him there and asked the other teammates about him.

“And when were you going to share this crucial information with me?”

“I didn’t know they were the same person!”

The older boy watched as the starry eyed looked around the cafeteria in wonder, amazed to see the tall ceilings with huge windows in their cafeteria, something that wasn’t usual to most universities. He smiled at the fairy-like boy who now had an even more beautiful name to him. The name Kang Taehyun rang softly in his head as he felt the world shift a little, everything clicking into place. Whispering the name quietly like a prayer, he sensed that perhaps he might have actually developed some kind of affection for the kind boy — though he shoved that thought into the back of his mind as soon as it came. As the latter scanned his surroundings, their eyes suddenly met. Walnut brown irises found his own coffee ones and Beomgyu felt a flash of recognition pass through them as the red head kept staring at their table.

“Shit! I think he saw me. I need to go right now.” He spoke immediately as he watched the boy make his way towards their table.

“But—”

“YJ, he saw me dancing and swaying to 60’s retro music passionately, I really don’t think I can show him my face now.” Beomgyu said distraught as he tried to cover his face with his palms and ducked under their table.

“What do you want us to do then?” The three boyfriends whispered together in hushed voices as they glanced between the crouching boy and the pacing redhead who seemed to be looking for someone across the room.

As if a light went off above his head, beomgyu huddled close to his best friends as he tried to deliver his plan as discreetly as he could — “Listen to me closely, as soon as pretty boy tries to come here, try to—”

“—No offence Gyu,  but he’s literally already here,” Yeonjun informed him in what he thought was a whisper, but actually was more like that of a ‘stage whisper’ which meant that the said pretty boy was already standing a mere few steps away from them all and could most likely, much to Beomgyu’s chagrin, hear them loud and clear. He squeaked in shock as the boy approached their table, while he made his way under the table to try and fully disappear.

“Hi?” Taehyun’s voice rang out among them, all three visible and remaining heads snapping round to look at him in what was a rather appalled expression. Taehyun raised his eyebrow at them, waiting for an answer. As if a puppet had finally tugged on their strings, they all snapped out of their daze and sprang into action. Soobin and Yeonjun remained seated, straightening their posture rather comically as if that would change or help with anything. Meanwhile, the youngest tried to laugh comically to distract the latter from the havoc that was taking place under the table (namely, choi beomgyu trying not to stomp on his best friend's shoes as he tried to make his way towards the opposite hallway). On the spur of the moment, Kai clapped his hands together all of a sudden, the loud sound making them all slightly jolt amongst the chattery background noise of the cafeteria. 

“Hi! Can we help you?” Kai mustered a warm and friendly smile, as he batted his eyelashes innocently, while trying to ignore the sudden pang he felt in his toe with a whisper of “oops my bad, sorry” from under the table.

The scarlet haired boy in front of them smiled shyly as he cleared his throat and started —  “I saw a raven-haired boy sitting here with you..? I was hoping you could tell me where he went …”

The trio looked at each other in slight worry and the fear of being caught in action as they looked back together at the standing boy. The guy anxiously fiddled with the end of his sleeve as he waited for an answer. Suddenly, Soobin jumped from his seat and slung his arms around Taehyun’s shoulders whilst spinning them around in the opposite direction. 

“Oh, there’s no raven haired boy here! I'm pretty sure you’re mistaken.”

“But I’m pretty sure I heard someone back there,” Taehyun said, beginning to use his strength to pull away from soobin’s grasp and turn back around to walk towards the table, and where a rather suspicious looking pair were still sitting wide eyed and awfully still. 

“ Beomgyu,” Yeonjun whispered, “Keep your head down for fuck's sake, I thought you didn’t want him to see you!” Taehyun gave them a suspicious look as he watched Yeonjun secretly talk to someone that looked as though they were sitting below him, hiding. The situation became even more dubious when he watched the eldest quickly shove a head down before looking back up in his direction, a fake but nervous smile plastered on his face. Then a loud thump! Was heard, almost as if someone had hit their head on a table or hardwood. 

“ Ouch! That hurts!”  Beomgyu’s pained voice rang out between them in a whimper. 

That was until Yeonjun kicked him while coughing at the same time — trying to muffle Beomgyu’s shouts of indigence. “Haha what raven haired?!?! I have definitely never met a boy like that, nope never ” Huening kai began to ramble nervously as he glanced multiple times between Taehyun and the man squished helplessly under the table. All Soobin could do was watch from where he was standing behind the other's shoulders, staring at his two boyfriends with a shake of his head — a disappointed sigh leaving him.  

They were so screwed. 

“Oh! I think I just saw someone that might have resembled the person you’re looking for go towards the arts building.” Soobin rambled as he tried to cover up for his goofy best friend and good-for-nothing boyfriends.”

“No, I’m pretty sure I heard—” 

“—You heard nothing!” Kai squealed high pitched, reaching to grab the pretty boy in a second attempt to get him to leave. He reached for his arm and spun them around and this time, almost pulling the two of them away from the table. “Soobinnie said the boy might be near the art’s building, so let's go and check there together!” Kai hurriedly spoke as he walked them both to the end of the room and through the doors exit. As the two figures became smaller and smaller with every passing second, Yeonjun sighed as he tapped on the top of the table slowly — indicating their path was clear.

“You can come out now, you little gremlin.” 

The youngest of the trio breathed quietly as he emerged from under the table — with his shaggily untangled hair and crooked glasses — it seemed as if he had been into a cat fight. “Phew, that was a close one.” he let out a relieved sigh — which as quickly as it formed, turned into a nervous laugh as he looked at two of his best friends staring furiously at him. 

Soobin flicked him on his forehead in response —“the things we do for you Gyu, the things we do .” 

“Uh huh” came an affirmative response from the hawk-eyed man standing beside him, who in turn gave him a you -owe-me-your-firstborn look. 

“Where are you gonna go now? You know he’s gonna look for you everywhere, right?” The duo spoke together as he curiously as they peered at him under their teasing gaze.

“Well, I have two words for the both of you—” Beomgyu instinctively spoke as he slung his backpack on his shoulder hastily while checking if the redhead was anywhere in his radius of proximity.

“—the library.”

The smell of unopened books, pens scribbling on paper, hushed whispers against the meranti wood bookshelf — the library was beomgyu’s favourite place of escape whenever he needed a break from real life — which in this case was running away with the fear of embarrassment from an insanely good looking man with god-tier visuals and an even prettier name. The name Kang Taehyun had sunk properly into his brain now and oh, whenever he thought about the boy he could feel himself floating and smiling. Maybe it was the way he knew he could talk to him every time through his window, which gave him a reassurance that the boy won’t laugh at him if they met face-to-face. However at that moment, he couldn’t help but panic at the idea of being caught by the other — he just wasn’t ready to make a complete fool of himself yet.

Grabbing his dear film camera softly in his arms, he stooped lowly as he fixated the focus of his lens on the dogs ears of an idle book kept on a window sill. No matter if love presented itself in the shape of a person to others, he could always turn to books and music to be his lovers, comforting him through his low and bad times. He could only wish that his future lover would bring him the same warmth and euphoria as these precious objects did — perhaps even more.

Leaning against a corner bookshelf of the library, he felt all his worries wash away as he indulged himself into a world full of words and stories — only for him to seek. He tip-toed as he reached for a hardcover book with an unusual floral design on the top shelf, deciding that this would be his escape for the day. As he gripped the book in his arms, he watched keenly as another boy did the same from the other side of the bookshelf, perhaps struggling to reach the book with his arms. And beomgyu being a helper, would surely assist the man to reach the shelf if it wasn’t for his strikingly red hair and big doe eyes.

Kang taehyun.

As if an invisible force suddenly gave him a blow, beomgyu staggered behind the other side of the bookshelf and crouched down to his knees in an attempt to hide himself from the scarlet boy. ‘ Is he here to make fun of me or is our timing just a coincidence?’ his brain provided as he slowly kept the book on the nearest shelf and crouched towards the entrance, hoping that he was cloaked enough to exit through the glass doors unnoticed.

Pacing as fast as he could, beomgyu didn’t waste time in slamming the doors of the library, not waiting to look back and see if the boy he was running from was following him or not. Unfortunately, that turned out to be against his favour because as soon as he was out of the library, he heard a deep voice call him from behind desperately —

“Hey!” the owner of the voice shouted at him as he heard small puffs of breath accompanied with the sudden yell.

He felt his legs froze, as if the time had come to a stand still. Awkwardly, beomgyu turned towards the boy behind him, whose arms rested on his knees as he let out small puffs of breath — his scarlet red hair now blending a beautiful shade of crimson red under the golden sunlight.

He felt all breath knocked out of him as their eyes met, the amber and deep brown orbs melting together into a harmony of blush gold. And if beomgyu didn’t know he was so gone for his neighbour, he definitely knew now. The light bounced off the other boy, lightening him up — the sun shaping up behind him like his very own halo. He was glistening — as if he was an angel gracing the earth with his presence — only to be worshipped, too far to be touched.

“Are you avoiding me?” a voice broke him out of trance.

He lifted his gaze to meet the other’s which were burning with a blazing fire — a fire of curiosity trying to consume his own thoughts, searching for answers.

“I—” He started.

“I’ve been trying to find you for the past week yet you’ve managed to dodge my attempts at befriending you every single time beomgyu—”

“—wait how do you know my name?” he suddenly inquired cutting off the man in between in rambling words.

As if the other was caught in a lie red-handed, he immediately stopped speaking as he lowered his head in shame. The situation was quite intriguing, as it seemed that both the boys were simply waltzing around each other — trying to understand each other from afar. The tension between them was magnetising, as beomgyu felt himself even more curious after the redhead suddenly went silent.

After an excruciating and awkward silence, the boy in front of him seemed to have mustered some courage as he stared directly into his eyes — with blush cheeks and a shy stance — and said “I overheard your name from the conversation you were having with your friends, before you ducked under the table.”

As if the tables had turned, beomgyu felt himself turn into a pile of mush as he realised that taehyun might have overheard their conversation — the one where he was expressing his adoration and feelings for him — at this point, he wanted the earth to engulf him fully. However, it seemed as if the latter didn’t hear his own name during the conversation, considering he would have asked about it.

“Oh that’s alright,” he started, “I should really go now, it was nice meeting y—”

“—I meant when i said that you danced really well.”

Taehyun clapped a hand over his mouth, as if he didn’t expect himself to speak those words out loud. The elder turned the darkest shade of rouge he had ever turned as he let out a incoherent groan, muffled by his palms. He watched through the cracks between his hand shield to find the younger smiling equally shyly, perhaps waiting for a response from him.

“You weren’t… you weren’t supposed to see that.”

“Was I not supposed to interrupt your Tuesday night dancing session? Is that why you decided not to come for an entire week?” the other teased.

“Oh you’re cruel..” he whispered as he tried to keep his cool as he walked away from his neighbour.

“Hey Beomgyu!” came a voice from behind.

He turned around to face taehyun, who looked at him with a grin imitating that of a Cheshire cat — one which was teasing, calculating and jesting. With an annoyed huff, he walked up to the younger and asked — “What now?”

“I’ll stop teasing you about the dance if you come to our first game this season — i’ll pay for your tickets too.”

Beomgyu stopped as he thought about the unusual request that the other had made. It was unusual how he wanted him to attend the game and was even willing to pay for the tickets, he thought. Maybe he wants to talk to me? who knows... wait, no! why would he suddenly want to talk to me, his neighbour out of nowhere? However he brushed away the idea as anything suspicious and after making his decision for a while he said —

“I’ll think about it.”

Beomgyu didn’t know what he was doing in front of the crowded field on a dusky Saturday night, clutching the sleeve of his thin band costume hoping the cold wouldn’t affect him too much. But with the chills running up his spine every now and then, he didn’t know how much longer he could bear the weather. It was unusual for him to be here at this point — even if he was a part of the orchestra band, it was his first time attending the game for his school’s team. Perhaps it was the school spirit, or maybe the look in taehyun’s eyes when he politely asked to accompany him to the game — he just couldn’t resist the emotion clouding the other’s orbs. Perhaps it was longing or maybe he just wanted to have the glimpse of the younger redhead that made him go against his own wishes for once.

Which is why he was suffering the consequences of the wintry weather just to make the younger happy. Was it hopelessly romantic? Perhaps. Cheesy? Definitely. But it all paid off as their eyes met in between the game, their gazes dancing around each other. There was surely a kind of tension between them that they didn’t know how to address, but he could only stand by the sidelines and hope it would get resolved on its own.

Gripping the sleeve of his shirt, he keenly watched as the cheerleaders surrounding the team were approaching the boys, getting a little too close to a certain scarlet haired boy. A rising burn, a bitterness in his mouth — he didn’t recognise the emotion that was coursing through his veins but he didn’t like it. To his relief, he watched as the younger boy tried to get away from the crowd during halftime as he looked towards the seats full of cheering fans — as if he was searching for something.

Beomgyu felt himself go weak in the knees as soon as their eyes met each other across the field — the younger wasting no time in smiling kindly and waving towards him, raising a lot of heads and eyebrows towards him. But for once in his life, he didn't care about what others thought of him — he simply waved back happily like a child and gave the other a thumbs-up sign as soon as the whistle rang for the second half. Suddenly, he watched as taehyun mouthed something to him before running off to his coach —

"—wait for me."

He beamed while nodding at the other who's eyes crinkled as he responded. Under the glistening lens of his camera, taehyun felt like something truly out of a fairytale, his hair bouncing with every step he took and his nose scrunching with every smile. Even under the bright lights of the game field, he felt as if all the brightness could not do taehyun justice, since they didn't seem to highlight his soft beauty. Even if the camera could capture him, the photo couldn't embody him — it was hard to make out his sparkling wide eyes or the slight freckles on his cheeks or the constellated moles under his left ear. Beomgyu watched as the game went on and their team went to win the first trophy of the season — much to everyone's delight and cheer. 

Soon, he found himself on the bleachers, waiting for the younger boy patiently as soon as the game ended. From afar, he could watch the cheer captain with her high heels roaming around taehyun, batting her long eyelashes at him and beomgyu felt the sudden frustrating emotion rise up against — though he decided to ignore the anger and irritation laced in it. After all, who was he to control what people the younger can be around?

"Sorry! I was just caught up in talking to some people."

He turned around to see a sweaty Kang Taehyun standing in front of him, now wearing a casual outfit instead of his team uniform as he smiled at him gently. He felt the foreign envious emotion turn into fluttery jitters as Taehyun led the way towards the path to their neighbourhood. Under the soft white light of the moon, the eternity street seemed serene and comforting, the initial awkward silence between them dissolving into a relaxing tranquility — now replaced by soft hums of songs as the younger occasionally looked at him. However, Beomgyu couldn't help but feel the cold get to him after a chilly night, the thin fabric of his shirt doing nothing to protect him.

"Are you cold?" the younger voiced as they halted in their movements.

"A little," he said through chittering teeth, "How'd you know?"

"You're shivering Beomgyu." He stated as he took off his varsity jacket quickly and placed it on the other's shoulders to keep the cold away. The older felt himself redden at the other's sudden gentle movements but he accepted the jacket nonetheless. Gripping the fluffy jacket closer to him, he felt the younger's scent of vanilla and cinnamon wash over him — oddly comforting him.

"Congratulations on your win, by the way."

"Thank you! I wasn't expecting you to come after my sudden invitation, you know?"

"I wouldn't have missed the first game of the season anyways."

Beomgyu was notorious for knowing to miss every single school game in his last year, mainly because he didn't want to spend his nights between sweaty, crowded students with boisterous screams and partly because he felt he had better things to do. However, the astonished looks on his friend's faces when they saw him waiting on the sidelines and cheering for taehyun was enough for him to know that he was absolutely gone for the younger. But how could he not? — he was human after all, he could only feel.

He watched as the first snowflake of the chilly winter fell softly on his nose, indicating that they didn't have much time to reach home before it started snowing heavily. From the corner of his eye, he could discern that taehyun was watching him curiously, as he slung his film camera bag off of his shoulders to reach for his beloved lenses — after all beauty was in the eye of the beholder — you simply couldn't blame him when he wanted to capture all things that made him happy.

"What's the film camera for?" The redhead asked softly.

"Oh, I've been given an assignment to capture love in a polaroid, so i've been carrying this everywhere, mostly trying to capture the things that make me happy." He answered, almost in a forbidden whisper, waiting for the other to dissect his vague message.

"Can i see?" He asked in an even mellow voice, as if he didn't want to burst the comforting bubble they had created around themselves.

Nodding slowly, Beomgyu huddled against the shorter as he carefully passed him the camera, his heart slightly jumping at the way the other's eyes crinkled and his smile became more tender with every flashing moment.

FLASH!

He almost felt his eyes blind from the sudden light of the flash as they younger gave him the camera back. He didn't know what happened suddenly, but his brain registered after a few seconds that kang taehyun had clicked a picture of him, after he had confessed about taking pictures of the things he loved.

"You looked too good to not be captured in a picture and revered by your lover." He spoke in a low voice.

"I— wait, we've reached."

It seemed that both the men didn't realise when they reached their houses, walking silently with hushed giggles and words of adoration — and it seemed as if neither wanted to leave. However, taehyun was the one to nod with a kind smile as he walked towards his porch while beomgyu walked towards his. Even if they were parting ways, it still felt like their bubble never burst, the blanket of comfort and happiness still covering them. Their mutual nods held a message of 'thank you for walking with me' and 'no problem' as they both parted their ways.

It was almost fifteen minutes later when beomgyu was seen scribbling furiously on spare sheets of paper, the ink blending into the paper as he quickly raised his notebook in front of his window, for his beaming neighbour to see.

'You forgot to take the jacket from me.'

A pause and a flip on pages, beomgyu could almost feel himself float tenderly as he read the other's response loudly which came immediately after his own.

'Keep it — it looks better on you.'

It was a starless inky Tuesday night when beomgyu was roaming mindlessly around his room, occasionally staring out of his window, as if he was waiting for someone. It wasn't a surprise that both him and Taehyun had gotten closer throughout the weeks, their daily walks home now turning into sort of an unspoken tradition. He didn't know if he was longing or yearning for the younger redhead, but perhaps he just wanted to see him — for the younger made all his gloomy days bright and cheered him up always. It didn't take much time for taehyun to reach up to his room, (Though he was later than usual, beomgyu noted). However, the younger seemed different today. Gone were the happy giddy smiles and crinkled eyes — now replaced by a tired stance and discontented expressions as the latter seemed to be talking to someone on the phone angrily — perhaps the person who was the cause of his exasperation. The older didn't waste time in grabbing his notebook as he scribbled some words on the ivory sheets, hoping that the younger would see his message.

'You okay?'

It was as if the universe was on his side because as soon as taehyun threw his phone on his bed, he immediately saw his message and began scribbling on sheets himself.

'Yeah, Just some drama.'

Beomgyu didn't know what swept over him as he suddenly scribbled something on his sheets that even he didn't expect himself to write. Perhaps it was the strong urge to make the younger feel loved or the intense need to say i'm here for you, don't worry — for the words i love you lettered in red ink were enough to make his heart race and stomach drop. Mustering some courage, he gripped the sides of the notebook and closed his eyes as he raised his notebook —

— a beat passed, the whisper of the wind...

It was only then that he realised the other had shut his blinds before he could even see his confession. Wait, confession? did he really love him? beomgyu thought as he decided to tear off the page and keep it in his pocket — perhaps he would have enough fortitude to maybe confess his feelings some day. He sat on his bed as he thought about his impulse urge to let the younger know that he loved him — he didn’t realise that over the weeks he had come to appreciate his company, along with his wide starlit eyes, kissable cheeks and rosy lips. A sudden feeling dawned on him as he realised that perhaps, he didn’t want to share the starry enigma with anyone else but him.

Yet, he decided to sleep on his sudden revelation, hoping to come back to it sooner than later.

In the oddest hours of the night, beomgyu felt as if he heard a thump from somewhere, perhaps from the neighbouring house. He jumped on his feet so he could figure out the source of the sound which ruined his sleep. To his astonishment, he watched as the one and only kang taehyun jumped quietly from the window of his room with the help of a make-shift blanket rope. And he felt he was hidden until their eyes met, the alarm evident in the younger’s eyes.

“What are you doing?” beomgyu whisper screamed as he saw taehyun dusting away the dirt from his clothes quickly. The younger didn’t answer though — it was as if he was ignoring his existence for all that mattered.

“Hey taehyun, taehyun!”

“Can you keep quiet beomgyu, you don’t want me to get caught do you?” the latter screamed back in a hushed voice, trying not to make too much noise in case he would wake up other neighbours.

“Just shut up! You see the ladder at the end of the porch?”

“Yeah?”

“Good, now without wasting any time, I want you to get your ass up here.”

“But—”

“Do you want us to get caught taehyun? Just come up here.”

The younger sighed in defeat as he shifted the wooden ladder from it’s initial position to under his window. Beomgyu didn’t expect the other to listen to him this easily but then he realised that he was inviting taehyun inside his safe space for him to share. Taking deep breaths he noticed as a nest of red hairs emerged near his window — he didn’t waste any time, urging the younger to rush inside. It felt as if the room had suddenly brightened up with stars as taehyun looked at his four walls with curiosity. The embodiment of cosmos, the galaxies in taehyun’s eyes lit up as he silently asked for permission to roam around his room, receiving a soft nod from him. Beomgyu felt something shift in the atmosphere, as if his room was finally complete with the younger in it, the former struggling to see the room complete without the redhead. He watched as taehyun tenderly touched the polaroids with hanging fairy lights across the room, careful not to bump into anything. If the brightness in the other’s eyes was any indication, beomgyu would think that he outdid himself on the decor part of his room.

“Your room is so warm — it really reflects you a lot.”

“Thank you.” he blushed as he instinctively pulled the other’s arm to make him sit on the mattress near his own window, partly because he couldn’t stop looking at the way the younger’s eyes glittered under the stars hung in the ebony sky. The boys remained silent for some time, neither knowing what to say after their sudden meeting and invitation. However, beomgyu decided to initiate the conversation, hoping he could determine what the younger was doing beneath his window at the oddest hour possible.

“I just needed some air to breathe.” taehyun said as he felt beomgyu open his mouth and close again, unknowingly answering his unspoken question.

“Are you okay?”

“Not really.” the scarlet haired leaned on his shoulder as their thighs brushed together with the proximity and beomgyu just prayed that the younger would ignore the sudden spike in his heartbeat.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he spoke tenderly as he let himself lean against the younger too, indulging himself and submitting to his feelings for once.

“Mmm i don’t know.” he said as he stared at the numerous strings of fairy lights hanging above where they were seated, almost looking like little stars in the darkness of the room.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.” beomgyu whispered back, as he clutched the film camera which was kept beside him and placed it in his lap.

Taehyun waited a while before he suddenly rested his entire weight on the older, holding his arm tight — as if he would disappear if he let go. And beomgyu let him rest comfortably, patting his hair hesitantly in attempts to comfort the other. He felt the blush in his cheeks redden even more when taehyun tried to hold his hand and lead it back to his hair as he tried to pull it away. The younger felt pliant in his arms, as if all his harsh edges had finally softened for once — he felt the latter let go of all the burden he was holding on to and just feel him breathe.

“Thank you Beomgyu.”

“For what?” he asked with a confused expression.

“For welcoming me to your room; i know you’ve said that you never really show your safe space to everyone but i’m glad you let me in.”

“Oh… of course tyun.”

“Tyun?”

“Hmm, it’s my nickname for you.”

“I like that.”

The two stayed silent asked they basked in each other’s comforting company — it felt as if they were the only two people in the world. As if a perfect moment had arrived, taehyun looked at him with shimmering eyes and and blushed cheeks and beomgyu felt the need to capture him. He instinctively took the film camera as he cradled it in his hands slowly before clicking at the exact moment — the beautiful golden boy now embellished in his polaroid to be hung in his room.

“Didn’t you say you take photos of things you love?” Taehyun spoke a few minutes after he had taken the photograph.

Beomgyu suddenly went silent as he realised the implication behind the younger's words. However, before he could even register his words, Taehyun suddenly rested his head onto his lap, their irises now staring into each other's — the warmth and flutters bouncing off of each other. The latter suddenly closed his eyes as he felt the older hum softly under his breath, luring him to sleep. With soft hearts and hushed whispers, Taehyun finally mumbled something before drifting off to dreamland.

'You better hang my polaroid in the middle of the room."

'Of course i will.'

'Hey, You going?' Came a note from his neighbouring window, as he watched taehyun fix his bow-tie while he smiled at him. Beomgyu quickly clasped his red marker as he replied to the younger, the latter still in his comfortable pajamas he was about to spend the rest of his night in.

'Nope. I need to study.'

'I wish you were there.'

The older boy staggered behind as he watched taehyun pick up his coat and slam the door of his room, the piece of paper still flat against the glass pane for him to see. Beomgyu tightened the hold on his polaroid as taehyun's sentence kept ringing in his ears like a broken alarm clock. He sighed as he looked at his jewel-studded white suit — ironed and ready to wear for the ball. He was never the one to go to balls, in his opinion it was far from what he enjoyed — the romantic dances and loud cheers not being exactly his type, even though he was a hopeless romantic. However, flashes of scarlet and fluttering smiles appeared in his mind as he once again gazed longingly at the other's window — yearning to be close to him. Beomgyu jumped on his feet as he stared cordially at his suit and closed the door to his room.

Rushing through the slate gray halls of his building, beomgyu didn’t even halt for a second as he rushed towards Mrs Seo's office as fast as he could — for it was finally the day he was going to submit his new assignment. The whole building looked as if it was a depiction of a perfect winter wonderland — with paper snowflakes hung on the wall and tints of baby blue and ivory gracing the walls — after all, it was the day of the ‘ Annual Winter Dance ’. The boy didn’t even stop to stare at the marvelous beauty of the decorations or the way his best friends looked absolutely stunning with their matching couple outfits, for his mind was ringing with ‘i hope it all goes well’ on a loop. In his heart, he knew that such tender and raw emotion was hard to depict but the weight of the polaroid in the front pocket of his shirt reminded him that he had truly captured the emotion he wanted to portray. Standing in front of Mrs Seo’s office, he gave himself a short pep-talk before knocking on the door and letting himself in.

“Just when I was thinking you weren’t going to come…” The old woman kindly spoke as she fixed the glasses perched on her nose while beomgyu panted in front of her.

“I redid the assignment as you told me.”

"So i've been told; I've heard from others that they saw you carrying your camera in each class."

"Yes Ma'am, I take my work very seriously." He replied diligently.

"Okay then Mr Choi — Describe the love you've captured in your piece of art."

Beomgyu inhaled slowly as he meticulously placed the recent polaroid in front of his professor. If you would ask him months ago, to capture someone who had been shaped in the form of love, just for him — he would laugh and try to change the topic. But with his heart on his sleeve — suddenly he wasn't scared anymore, rather he wanted to celebrate the love that had made its way to him in the most unusual of ways. Because in the polaroid placed in front of him was none other than kang taehyun — his eyes gleaming and smile brighter than the sun. The latter was gazing wonderfully at the sparkling fairy lights as he looked at them, perhaps blown-away by their star-like glimmering in the dark ebony night. Galaxies themselves were reflected in the other's eyes as shiny dots of purple, gold and silver could be made out in the picture. The pretty boy's cheeks were flushed, his features more tender than the softest petals of rose and his smile jubilant — beomgyu could only wonder if the smile was perhaps directed at him.

His professor remained oddly silent as Beomgyu tried to explain his polaroid — giving a small backstory about the person in the picture and its setting — without revealing too much detail obviously.

"Choi Beomgyu—" she started, "You've outdone yourself yet again. You've not only captured the beauty of the man you adore but even his own emotions. I'm so glad to see this polaroid — your boyfriend must love you a lot."

"He's not my boyfriend, Ma'am — we're just neighbours."

"Just neighbours? Oh no my dear student, I will not fall for your tricks this time. How can you even say that when this boy is looking at you with such love in his eyes, as if you brought him stars from the milky way?"

Beomgyu felt himself go quiet at the sudden statement — his mind racing as it tried to piece together all the loose ends. He thought about all the times when they shared glances across the room, their orbs swirling with a mysterious chemistry. He thought about their lingering touches and warm gestures, how taehyun invited him to the game without even knowing each other for more than ten minutes, how the younger leaned on him and held his hand gently — as if he would slip through the crevices of his fingers if he let go. How the pretty scarlet head let him have his jacket on a chilly game night silently — not caring if he felt cold or not.

"Oh god—" Beomgyu suddenly gasped as he bowed to his teacher, who in turn gave him a smile and a cheer of 'go get your boy!' as he rushed through the halls, sprinting eagerly to reach the ballroom as soon as possible. However, it was at the same moment he saw taehyun slipping through the exit, fixing his tuxedo as he walked out of the building. Beomgyu wasted no time in dashing immediately after his pretty neighbour — the realisation of his feelings for the other suddenly mocking him in his face.

I think i might have fallen in love with my neighbour on a shimmering tuesday night — and i think he might be in love with me too.

It hardly took him five minutes to reach the park nearest from the school — the one where he and taehyun used to cross paths often after school. Under the softness of the pale pink coloured cherry blossom trees, Beomgyu could see the younger sitting on the same park bench that had become a special spot to only them — hidden from the rest of the world, only theirs to perceive. With short puffs of breath, he ran as swiftly as he could to catch up with the younger, who was now framed perfectly between the trees and the lights. The younger seemed to be in deep thought, as if he was waiting for someone who could never be his.

( and beomgyu secretly wished that person was him. )

"Taehyun, wait!" He yelled as the younger lifted his head towards his voice, the younger's eyes widening in surprise when he saw him running towards him. Panting, Beomgyu collapses on the bench beside the younger as he tried to calm down his pulsing heart and racing mind as taehyun gave him a worried expression. Under the fluorescent sheen and the twinkling light of the stars, he could finally appreciate the delicacy of the younger's beauty — his crisp black tux contrasting his own cream hued suit, the way his hair was just parted perfectly, showing a little bit was of forehead which made beomgyu's heart spiral into a frenzy, and how he had the slightest of sparkles dusted on his nose and the corner of his eyes, dazzling like little diamonds in the night sky. Taehyun felt like the embodiment of all things bright and pure — he felt like the cosmos was made for him, all the planets and stars aligning together to lead up to this moment — them, under the stars, together. Maybe it was the way how he ran for miles to reach him, for the older felt his breath simply taken away by the redhead, who waited patiently for him to collect himself and continue his sentence.

"Did you really run here, all the way from the neighbourhood." The pretty boy asked with a bewildered expression.

"I ... I was looking for you in the ballroom but ... you were gone before I could even reach ... you." Beomgyu replied as he halted in between his sentence to catch his breath.

What he didn't know was that his breath would be taken away again — as taehyun leaned closer to him on the bench while as brushed away a stray strand of his hair which blocked the view of his almond shaped eyes — causing beomgyu to blush furiously. Yet, he couldn't help but stare at the younger as he tucked the strand behind his ear — helpless, frozen and at his mercy — taehyun didn't know the immense power he held against him. Before his mind could make up the decision of running away again, he stopped stuttering as he pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, which was neatly folded inside the front pocket of his tuxedo. With shaky hands, he unfolded the piece of paper and showed it to the younger. On the lined ivory sheet, were three simple words written in the most elegant handwriting —

— I love you.

As if a switch was flipped, Taehyun immediately scoured through the inner pocket of his own coat, hesitant to look up the meet the elder's eyes. He extracted a similar piece of paper, which was folded in form of an envelop and unfolded it to show the same three words to the older —

— I love you.

Both the men looked at each other with a dumbfounded expression as they started giggling together, their soft laughs turning into full-blown shrieks of bafflement as they tried to catch their breaths together, flabbergasted that both of them had planned to confess to each other in the same manner. 

"God we're so dumb." Beomgyu groaned as he laughed before leaning closer to the younger, who imitated his action.

"Maybe, but we're dumb in love, right?" Taehyun grinned as he received a blow from the other.

"God, you're so stupid I want to kiss you, you dense idiot."

"What's stopping you from doing so?"

Beomgyu grinned smugly as he pulled the younger closer by his shoulders, making their noses bump softly against each other as they giggled. He mentally counted the moles behind the younger's ears as he trailed his fingers from his neck till he reached the start if his collarbone and placed a soft kiss there. Taking the younger's soft sounds of desperation as the hint to continue, he brought the other's palm closer to leave small kisses on his knuckles and the inner side of his wrist — the giggles encouraging him to continue. Soon, he inched closer and closer till they were only centimeters away — and he decided to give in. Their lips met in sweet euphoria as taehyun smiled through the soft kiss, tightening his hold around the other's neck as he was pulled closer. The kiss was tender and gentle, just like beomgyu's firm hold around the younger as they rested their foreheads together, laughing breathlessly from the high of kissing the person they loved. Taehyun's eyes sparkled with stars as he slowly placed two tender kisses on his eyelids and slowly cradled them along with the wind.

Promptly, taehyun pulled him to his feet as he looped his arms with the older, snuggling close to him as they walked towards their street — hand in hand. The couple smiled softly at each other, stealing kisses when the other was not looking while they walked, the moon shining brightly over their heads. Suddenly, beomgyu took the younger's hand softly and started tracing letters onto his palm, waiting for the other to decode his hidden message.

"God, you're so cheesy." Taehyun smiled as he hugged the elder closer, basking in his sweet warmth and affectionate glow.

"Only for you, my darling." Beomgyu replied back as they two laughed together, the traced words on the other's palm left unspoken between them.

( you belong with me. )