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Johnny sat on the sunken sofa in the cheap hotel room he was so graciously given with a cigarette in one hand and the neck of his guitar in the other. He though that, given all the hard work and effort he had been putting into the band as of late, he perhaps deserved something a bit nicer than a two star room. Evidently management did not.
Andy and Mike were in almost identical rooms to his, though he had heard Andy complain about not having a shower, and Steven (though he did have a room of his own) had decided to spend the evening with Johnny instead. Not that he was complaining. Quite the opposite really.
He had always enjoyed Steven’s company, even on the days where he had one of his infamous moods on and was determined to make life as difficult for as many people as possible. In an odd twist of fate Johnny had, somewhere down the line, started to find it all quite endearing. The obnoxious eye rolls and furrowed brows that Steven would deal out effortlessly no longer irked him as they once had. His inability to arrive on time, or even at all some days, had at some point become less of a cause for hopeless frustration and more something that Johnny found himself understanding. Perhaps even admiring on occasion.
Steven was quite obviously aware of this new development, too. It showed in his manner and duller temper. Suddenly, he had a new spring in his step that had not been there before. At concerts he would flourish around in a slightly more reckless tone and sing with more passion. All the while an obvious flame of warmth and affection would burn in his eyes. Sometimes they would catch Johnny’s own and he would feel a heat in his stomach, as though he’d swallowed a lit match.
He had felt it at this gig just as much as any other. If anything, that fondness for the taller man was growing, morphing into something too domestic for Johnny to fully feel comfortable thinking about. Until now, he had actively chosen not to label his emotions regarding Steven, but as time went on he had to admit that they were getting drastically harder to ignore. A few people had jokingly tried to label it as love, though Johnny had been quick to bury that idea.
He heard the shower turn off and quickly shoved his cigarette between his lips, resuming the chords he had been lazily playing before his thoughts had outran and lapped him twice. He knew Steven would moan about the smoke slowly weaving and twisting through the room but decided to worry about it when the complaint arrived. He was stressed and needed it.
There was a bit more rustling and low level commotion from the bathroom before the door was unlocked and swiftly pulled open, Steven emerging in a navy blue dressing gown he had insisted he bring from home. His hair, in which he often took such pride, shot out in an array of different directions; he had seemingly just shaved. Johnny wasn’t sure when he had started noting when Steven had or hadn’t shaved in his mind, but it made a giddy sort of feeling take hold of his senses and before he knew it a smile had taken over his face.
“Hows the shower, then?” He asked.
A completely pointless question when he reviewed it back over in his mind. Deep down he knew he was just nervous, being alone with Steven seemed more and more intimate as time went on.
“It’s absolutely dreadful,” He sighed and it was a familiar, comforting sound, “there’s not even a window in there. I nearly fainted from the heat.”
Johnny chuckled lightly as Steven fell dramatically onto bed in the middle of the room and rested his hand on his still damp forehead.
“Honestly Johnny, it isn’t funny at all. I could’ve cracked my head on the toilet and died. Then who would sing at tomorrows gig?“
Despite his theatrics, Johnny could see a content smile making its way onto Steven’s face and that’s all he had really wanted to begin with.
“No, no, fair enough Mozzer. We do need you tomorrow, but i think you’d be missed for a bit longer than one evening.”
Steven shook his head minutely, seemingly serious all of a sudden.
“I don’t know, John,” he turned his head and his eyes met Johnny’s, “I’d hope so, though.”
Johnny wanted to scoff and hit him upside the head. Tell Steven that he was stupid for ever doubting his emotional investment in him, but he felt locked in place by the intense gaze settled on him.
“You do know, Moz, and if you didn’t you do now.” He paused and tried to gather his thoughts but ultimately decided to just say what was on his mind. “I really do care about you, more than anything.”
Steven looked back up at the ceiling, sighing quietly before speaking. “Would you… would you sit with me? Please?”
Johnny nodded sharply, leaning his guitar precariously against the sofa and stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray on the bedside table. He stood and walked to the other side of the bed, laying next to Steven instead of just sitting. In the moment, it had felt like the right thing to do.
Steven turned to lay on his side, facing Johnny with his head now resting on an outstretched arm. Admittedly, Johnny thought he looked beautiful. A myriad of femininity, masculinity and everything in between. So charming, yet still sporting that shy bashfulness he’d never seen anyone else carry so effortlessly before in his life. Maybe love wasn’t as left field a concept as he had hoped.
“Could I stay in here tonight, please?” Steven asked him, once again abruptly ending his train of thought.
It wouldn’t be the first time they had shared a hotel room. Steven always complained that sleeping alone while away from home left him ‘out of sorts’ the next morning and Johnny was more than happy to let him stay with him. Andy and Mike not so much, though Johnny had a strong suspicion that were they to offer, Steven would probably turn them down anyway. In all honesty Johnny would let him stay without an excuse.
“Yeah of course, that’s fine. Just don’t hog the duvet like last time, I was freezin’ all bloody night.” Steven smiled again, wider this time, and nodded his head.
“I understand, don’t worry.”
He stood and stretched his arms above his head, briefly holding his breath before he let out a long sigh and untied his dressing gown. He dropped it on the sofa and Johnny redirected his gaze elsewhere, feeling his cheeks heat up at Steven’s lack of clothing. For a man who was usually so shy, his willingness to rid himself of his clothes was surprising. Though Johnny supposed that could just be how Steven was with him specifically. It was a nice thought.
Johnny looked down at his own, covered, body and pulled his jacket off, quickly stripping down to just his boxers. He hesitated for a moment as Steven turned back around and got under the covers of the bed, making himself comfortable. He turned toward Johnny and spoke softly.
“You can keep those on if you want, you know. I wont be offended.” He paused for a second, following up with a quiet, “promise”.
Johnny shook his head and hastily rid himself of the garment. “No, I don’t mind, really.”
He laid next to Steven and pulled the thin duvet over his body. He was beginning to feel the affects of the cold chill that filled the small room and turned to the man next to him.
“It’s fuckin’ cold in here, isn’t it.” Steven nodded and squeezed his eyes shut, his face contorting briefly as he acknowledged the uncomfortable temperature.
He rolled toward Johnny and gingerly rested his head on his chest, nervously holding his breath. Johnny froze for a second, internally rolling his eyes at his own apprehension. He wrapped his arm around Steven’s back and relaxed into the bed, sighing contentedly.
“I really wont steal the duvet this time, by the way.” Johnny could feel Steven’s lips moving lighting above his sternum and for the first time in a long while he felt completely and utterly happy.
“You wont have to now that we’re this close, if anything you’ll get hot.” He paused for a moment before continuing, “the door is locked, right?.”
Steven nodded tiredly, his voice dripping with the beginnings of sleep. “I suppose you’re right, and yes it is. Not that it matters much anyway, everybody already seems to be convinced we’re a couple.”
Johnny reached blindly for the lamp on the bedside table and flicked the switch, bathing the room in darkness.
“I know, and i don’t care.” He reached for Steven’s damp hair and ran his fingers through it, only getting a soft hum as a reply.
He really didn’t mind, and as he finally shut his eyes and let himself rest for the night he realised if anything, he was glad.