Chapter Text
Chay woke up with a faint ringing in his ears and Porsche looming over him uncomfortably close – worry lacing his features as he realised his little brother was waking up. Porsche was saying something, apologising by the looks of it but Chay’s mind was running at hundred miles an hour, the world spinning on the skewed axis of all his unanswered questions.
“Do you know what you’re doing?” he finally asked his brother. “Phi, you lied to me.”
“I’m sorry.” Chay scoffed at that internally. He wanted to roll his eyes at Porsche, maybe put him in a chokehold until Chay could get his breathing right again, steal the air Porsche was breathing in so easily. But, he let the silence linger, he didn’t know how he’d talk without crying like a baby who needed his brother to save him all the time.
“I’m sorry I put you in danger. What if….”, Porsche heitated. “What if something had happened? I would have never forgiven myself….Sorry.”
Anger flared up inside Chay. This is what Porsche was apologising for? Look, Chay got it – he was kidnapped and held at gunpoint and had just barely escaped a bomb going off– but somewhere he knew Porsche would show up to save him, he just wasn’t expecting his brother to be so closley tied to all of this.
“But that something didn’t happen,” Chay replied, sounding strangely calm even to himself. “But look how you’re feeling now.”
Porsche stood there, silent and unable to meet his eyes.
“And how about me? How would I feel?” Chay could feel the tears stinging his eyes but he couldn’t cry. Not here, not now when Porsche was probably waiting to swoop in like a mother hen. He leapt off the stretcher and walked away.
He could hear Porsche calling out to him but he steeled his will and didn’t look back, knowing it would only lead to more chaos if he talked to his brother when he was enraged.
He was stopped on his way by a nervous looking man in glasses and a kind face.
“Um. Hi. I’m Arm. Khun Kinn asked me to take you back home.”
“Who the fuck is Khun Kinn?” Chay couldn’t be bothered with his manners now, he was angry and confused and not even his entire teenage years had prepared him for an emotional onslaught this big.
The guy looked shocked and gaped at Chay. Chay sighed, “Sorry, phi. Who is Khun Kinn? And why did he ask you to take me home?”
“Khun Kinn is Porsche’s boy-boss, I mean boss,” Arm stuttered out. “He doesn’t want to take any chances.”
Great, Porsche was hiding his love life, too. The day just kept getting better for Chay.
He shrugged and started following Arm to the car. He could feel a MCR and pizza kinda night coming on.
.
Chay walked in through his front door, hesitant and on high alert. He knew Arm was going to stay the night and that there was no threat of immediate danger. He even made Arm buy pizza for him, comfortable in the knowledge that his brother’s expensive looking boyfriend was going to foot the bill.
He wandered through the house, turning on the lights and looking for his bluetooth headphones. Chay wished he wouldn’t have to feel so scared in his own house again but he realised it was a luxury he probably could never afford.
He stopped at the dining table, Kim’s plate of untouched food just lying there – Chay was sure there was some poetic parallel between this and his love life but he was too tired to figure it out.
That’s when the blue sticky note caught his eye and he picked it up. Gotta go, sorry was scribbled on it and Chay could recognise that handwriting anywhere. Right. He could physically feel the pain in his chest. Kim was going to bolt while Chay went out (he wondered if Kim was going to climb the walls because there was no way he could run without facing Chay at their front door – the only exit) and probably ghost him again.
Suddenly a few missing pieces of the day came rushing back to Chay : the bruising kicks, the gunshots, being embraced by someone who smelled strongly of gunpowder and faintly like Kim did last night, and the maniacal last speech of a supervillain-wannabe.
KIM?
Chay was reeling, first Porsche now Kim? Pop-idol, cinnamon roll Kim? What the fuck is this life? He was so done.
He spun around, looking for his phone, looking for answers he wasn’t sure he was allowed to have. He vaguely remembered the unknown number Porsche had called him from and he scrambled to get his phone.
He called the number back, impatiently muttering pick up, pick up under his breath.
“Hello?” A voice deeper than Porsche's answered.
“Um, hi. I’m Chay. Is my brother there?”
“Chay?” the man asked, like he recognised Chay. “Yes, hold on, don’t hang up. I’ll get Porsche for you.”
“Sure.”
He could hear rustling and guessed the man must be walking to where his brother was.
“Are you P’Kinn?” Porsche couldn't resist his curiosity, damn it if it killed the cat.
“Ye-yeah. How do you know me?” the man asked, sounding genuinely surprised. “Did Porsche talk about me?”
Chay scoffed at that, as if his brother told him anything these days.
“Chay? Are you there?” Porsche asked frantically before Chay could quip at how gleeful Kinn had sounded at the end.
“Of course, it’s impossible to die so quickly.” He knew the joke was unsolicited and a mean thing to say to Porsche, but he was frustrated.
“Ai’Chay..” Porsche sounded so small, so sad and so far away. “Chay, don’t joke about that, na.”
Chay giggled at that, trying to ease the tension. He could hear Porsche suck in a sharp breath and then sigh in relief.
“Okay. I’ll not subject you to my poor defence mechanisms if you–”
“Yes, Chay. Anything. Whatever you want.” Porsche got out hurriedly, the shitty reception garbling his words a little.
“I want you to be honest with me, phi. Can you do that?”
“Chay, I–”
“Look, you don’t have to tell me things you can’t. Just be honest? Please?” Chay felt like a child and he knew Porsche probably still thought of Chay as his baby brother, his responsibility. But he was an adult, he could look after himself and protect his brother, too. He didn't know where the line was, right now, he didn't know so much. Porsche and him never used to have secrets but it was a thing now, he guessed.
"Okay, okay. I'll be honest with you."
"Can I ask P'Arm to get me alcohol?" Chay opened with a light-hearted teasing, (alluding to Porsche's promise that Chay's first drink would be at home) and Porsche's giggles were just the response he was hoping for.
"No, Chay. Arm won't get you alcohol."
"Aah, well. Didn't hurt to try."
There was a beat of silence before Porsche asked, "Do you wanna ask about Kim?"
Chay perked up at that, glad that his brother could still read him even on the phone. He made an affirmative noise, voice stuck in his throat because he wasn't sure where to start.
"Kinn and I were both wondering…"
"Is P'Kinn your boyfriend, phi?" Chay asked softly.
"Yeah I— yes he is" Chay could hear the smile in Porsche's voice. He smiled too, his brother was finally sounding happy and that's all that mattered to Chay. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you — couldn't tell you. Are you okay with this?"
"With what? You keeping secrets or you being bisexual?" Chay teased. "The first one pissed me off, and the second one? Well, we have one more thing in common now, I guess."
Both the brothers laughed, feeling a semblance of normalcy seep into their conversation. Chay was sure he could never be mad at Porsche for too long, he didn't know how to do it.
"So. Kim." Chay prompted.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm getting to it. How do you know Kim, Chay?" There it was, that concerned voice again.
"He's my crush — well, like my celebrity crush. He was. Now he's not— now it's like we're friends but I told him I liked him and he slept over and then I was fucking kidnapp—"
"Hold on," Porsche cut him off. "Kim did WHAT?"
Oh, oops. He tried coming up with a hasty excuse, an alibi so nobody got in trouble. He could hear Porsche aggressively whisper to someone, he sounded mad. He knew Kim had been a jerk and earned his brother's wrath, but Chay felt a need to protect Kim from it.
"Uhh well," Chay started. No lies, right? He owed this to Porsche too. "Kim was tutoring me after I had asked him to when I met him at a concert. Then I sang him a song because he had ghosted me, made him a guitar pick from scratch and essentially poured my heart out to him at the studio yesterday. Then he kissed me and we came back home and fell asleep while watching cheesy kdramas."
Porsche was breathing heavy, and he knew his brother was fucking pissed. “Chay. He kissed you? And slept over?” (Chay felt a shiver run down his spine, Porsche’s voice could freeze hell over.)
“No-no, it wasn’t like that, I swear. It was just– Who is he?”
Porsche sighed, “He is a Theeranpanyakul, he is Kinn’s brother.”
Chay was surprised, as a dedicated fan he had figured he knew all about Wik– Kim – that was there to know. He hummed, urging Porsche to continue.
“Chay, you understand, don’t you?” No, he didn’t. He needed Porsche to be clear.
“So who are the Theeranpanyakuls?”
Porsche was silent, probably deciding if he was allowed to tell Chay. Chay was about to take his question back when he heard Kinn pipe up.
“You’re on speaker, nong. Is that alright? I want to explain this.”
“Yeah, sure, go ahead.”
“So,” Kinn began hesitantly. “The savory answer is we’re businessmen.”
“The unsavory and real answer is that they’re the biggest organised crime family in Thailand, mafia to be honest.” Porsche added.
“Gee, phi, I love your taste in men. Oh. Wait.” Chay was struggling a lot with this information, he had no clue what else was waiting for him.
Porsche and Kinn both laughed at his feeble attempt at humour. He waited for them to quiet down so they’d go on.
“Um, I’ll let Porsche explain the specifics of today’s events to you but….”, Kinn said.
“Ai’Kinn, why is your face doing that?” Porsche asked, suspicion dripping in his voice.
“Doing what?” Chay and Kinn asked together.
“Like he knows something and kept it from me, realising only now that he should have told me. Spill, Kinn.”
“Uhh”, Chay was sure he could slice through the anticipation with a knife. “Look, Chay. You’re Porsche’s brother and Kim is my brother. So, it’s only natural that I’d been keeping tabs on you, right?”
“Uh-huh?”, Chay wasn’t entirely sure where all of it was headed.
“So, after you were abducted, Kim called me and I agreed to let him join us on the rescue mission. I think you were unconscious through the whole thing but Kim picked up a gun after literal ages and he got out with you before the bomb went off and—”
“Hold on, Kim was really there?” Chay was surprised, probably having a mild aneurysm over the fact that he didn’t imagine Kim being his knight-in-shining-armor, that it wasn’t flashbacks of Kim when he felt like he was surely gonna die.
“Yes, nong.” Kinn replied. “My brother hadn’t shown up in a fight for years, and I was okay with it. But, he showed up today. And I think it was for you.”
Well that was something. Chay wasn't expecting this. Or any of it.
“Could I have a minute?” Chay felt bubbles and butterflies in his stomach. He had to figure out what kind they were. He put the phone on speaker and flopped down on the couch, his brain reduced to a cacophony of why was kim there and god i hope he’s alright. He could hear the muffled arguing of Kinn and Porsche over the phone and his brother was using his I-am-going-to-destroy-you-but-i-can’t-because-i-love-you voice. Chay felt like he should be more concerned about whatever the argument was for but he just wanted to cuss Porsche out for wearing his heart on his sleeve and teaching him to do the same. God, who says I love you that soon? You got it, the Kittisawasd brothers do.
“Guys,” He sighed out. He hated adults sometimes. “Are you done? Because I’m the teenager here and even I’m done moping. Ugh.”
“Porchay,” Porsche’s voice was stern. “I understand that you’re angry about everything, and if you need time to process it, we can give you that. But, I did not raise you to direct your anger at people who have done nothing to deserve it.”
“I’m sorry”, Chay’s voice was soft. He was already regretting the tone he used on his brother, realising that whatever Porsche did was always to protect him. “I’m sorry, P’Kinn.”
“It’s alright, don’t worry about it.”Kinn replied amicably. “Look, Chay, I really wish we could tell you everything right now to ease you. But, it’s not my story to tell, and if I know Kim, I am sure he will show up tomorrow to explain everything.”
“And if he doesn’t,” Porsche said, “I’ll kick his ass six ways to Sunday– stop laughing, Kinn, I really will – and tell you everything.” God, Chay could feel the eye roll Porsche gave Kinn, he missed his brother so much.
“Okay. I– yeah, okay. Can you come visit me anyway?” Chay risked it, he had to.
“I will, we both will. I promise.” Porsche wasn’t lying, Chay knew that. “And Kinn says you can call him if you need to talk to me, okay?”
“Thank you, Phi.”
Kinn laughed a little, “It’s no problem, you’re family now. In more ways than one. Try….try being kind to Kim, okay? But if he hurts you, he’ll get his ass kicked by me, too. Promise.”
Chay smiled, he felt like he could warm up to Kinn once his insides had stopped churning and his mind had settled a bit. He could suddenly feel the exhaustion and pain seep into his bones, the long day finally catching up to him after the adrenaline rush ended.
“Phi, I am gonna sleep now, okay?”
“Sure, yeah. Please ice your bruises, I’ll ask Arm to take you to a doctor tomorrow. I’m sorry I am not there, but I promise I’ll come over soon.”
“No, please don’t bother P’Arm any more, he’s already doing a lot.” Chay protested. “I’ll see you soon, then. I love you.”
“I love you so much Chay, more than anything in this world. I am so relieved nothing happened to you. Sleep well, I love you.”
“Goodnight, Chay!” Kinn said, excitedly and Chay had a huge grin plastered on his face as he hung up. Chay wanted answers, he wanted them bad. But he could respect their choices even if it was messing with his head. What else was Kim hiding?
.
Chay woke up to the incessant buzzing of his phone. He slapped around the mattress looking for the offending device. And he really should have iced those bruises, they hurt like a mothertrucker.
“Hello?”, Chay answered his phone.
“Are you dead? I was two seconds away from breaking down your door and busting in with Arm! Do you realise how worr—”
“P’Kim?” Chay sat up, wincing in pain at the sudden movement. “What do you mean by breaking down my door?!”
Kim sighed on the other end. “I’ve been knocking and calling you for the past twenty minutes, Chay.”
“OH!” Chay scrambled off of the bed. “I’m coming, I’m coming.”
Chay ran frantically to the gate, heart beating wildly. He opened the door and was pulled into a hug before he could get a word out. Kim’s hug was warm and safe and eased the fearful twisting in his gut at once (him smelling like heaven was just an added bonus Chay was gifted).
“Chay”, Kim whispered and it broke Chay’s heart into a million pieces. “I am so sorry.”
Chay pulled back a little and shook his head. He had no idea what the time was but he was not having this conversation at his front door without even having brushed his teeth. He tugged at Kim’s hand,urging the older boy to follow him inside.
“You…wait here on the couch. I’ll be back. Don’t run. Please.” Chay told Kim once they were inside.
Kim nodded and Chay wished he could believe it without risking having his heart being broken again. He sighed and turned around, walking away from Kim with a slight twinge in his chest.
When he came back, he was relieved to find Kim sitting on the couch. Kim was fiddling with his rings and looking absolutely lost in the middle of his living room, Chay wished he could hold Kim’s hands and soothe him. Chay also realised Kim looked utterly out of place in his house, in his life and he wished the conversation with Porsche hadn’t left him so uncertain. Chay watched Kim for a while, wanting to reach out but not knowing if he was allowed to.
He walked up to Kim and smiled as best as he could. Chay couldn’t allow sad faces in his house if he wanted to maintain a semblance of having his shit together. Kim, especially, wasn’t allowed to look sad around Chay.
“P’Kim.” He said simply. “Please promise you’ll not lie to me? I promise I will try to understand whatever you tell me, just be honest with me.”
When Kim looked up at him with his melted-chocolate doe eyes that made Chay’s heart stutter, Chay was instantly looking away. Okay, sue him, he’s read too much Wik fanfiction but none of them had prepared them for Kim’s next words.
“Can you-can you come hold me? It’ll be easier to talk.”
Chay could, he definitely could. He could lay the world down at Kim’s feet if he was asked to but Chay probably shouldn’t say that out loud.
So he scooted over to Kim, tucking the older boy’s face in his neck. Kim was surprised but he went easily, snuggling as close as last morning. Chay was so grateful Kim was letting him take care of him.
“So, how much do you know?” Kim asked.
“Whatever P’Kinn and P’Porsche told me. That you’re a Theeranpanyakul, and that you had your reason for doing everything.”
Kim nodded, silently nuzzling Chay’s hand with his nose.
“I don’t care about what a Theeranpanyakul is, you’re always just Kim to me.”
“But, Chay,'' Kim began. “Baby, me being a Theeranpanyakul is what caused all of this. I’m so sorry.”
Chay was sure he had died, sure that his heart had combusted at the casual nickname Kim had dropped. Baby. Chay could feel his face burning up and he thanked every deity for not having to face Kim looking like this. He calmed himself, mentally giving himself a pep talk before he spoke again. It wasn’t a time to simp or turn into a puddle of goo.
“So um. Can you tell me what your reason was?”
Kim nodded again and sat up to face Chay. He cradled Chay's face and Chay couldn’t breathe because Kim was looking at him like it was goodbye, like he expected Chay to turn him away or like he would make a run for it himself.
“I lied to you throughout,” Kim said. The younger boy tilted his head, confused. “I didn’t know you’re Porsche’s brother the first time that I met you. But, when I found out…God, I hate myself for this but when I found out that you’re his brother, I took advantage of your crush on me to get dirt on Porsche.”
“Wh-why were you looking into my brother?”
“I thought he’s the mole the minor family had sent. I mean my father hired him suddenly and was absolutely adamant about it. Big and I had almost nothing on him and that raised my suspicions. I was worried about Kinn, that Por–”
“So none of it was real?” Chay cut him off. “Is this why you had stopped talking to me?”
“Baby–”
“No, Kim,” Chay wasn’t feeling the butterflies anymore, it was just horrible churning in his gut. “Give me the truth. Would we even be talking if I hadn’t shown up repeatedly?”
“Chay. Listen to me sweetheart,” Kim begged. Chay hated that he was so easily convinced. “I stopped talking to you because I realised my assumptions were absolutely wrong. I didn’t want to lead you on anymore.”
Chay couldn’t think straight and he could already feel his hands shaking. “So, you would have just left?”
Kim looked away. “Tell me, Kim. Do you even like me? Because if you don’t, you don’t have to stick around because you pity me and can't let me down. I'm not a child, I can take it.” It would hurt like hell if Kim did leave, but Chay owed it to himself, he deserved honesty and sincerity.
“I do like you. I think I– I think that’s causing all these problems. I can’t stay away from you. It kills me when I can't be close to you. But see what that led to.” Kim sounded scared but earnest and Chay could breathe a little easier.
He shifted and settled on Kim’s lap, cupping his face, chuckling at the surprised look caused by his boldness.
“But P’Kim saved me. You kicked a villain's ass for me.” He grinned. “I am sorry I was passed out all through it but I’ve heard you looked absolutely hot while doing it.”
Kim smiled at him, pulling him closer by the waist. Their foreheads were touching and Chay held his breath. Kim was so close and he just wanted to kiss the boy. Chay didn’t know if he could, or if Kim would so he just pecked Kim’s cheek and snuggled up.
“Tell me what exactly happened? Why was I abducted?”
“It’s..kinda long. Let’s get some coffee and food?” Kim offered. Chay nodded happily.
.
By the time Kim was done explaining everything the day had rolled into late evening and they had made their way through all the snacks Chay had in his arsenal. Chay’s brain was still processing everything as he laid on Kim’s chest, tracing out lazy patterns on the arm wrapped around him.
“So, you have an evil cousin?”He asked. Kim nodded. “He sounds like a real piece of work. And I used to think my brother is crazy.”
They laughed a little at that. But the silence settled around them again and Chay found himself cuddling closer. “Then, I need you to stop blaming yourself. Okay?”
“But, Chay…you got abducted because of me, because I put you into danger by being around you.”
Chay scoffed at that. Was Kim seriously that dumb? “The only thing you’ve done is save my life. Your cousin messed it all up.”
“I lied to you.”
“And I forgave you for that because I love you too much to be mad at you. Not when you’re here with me and have told me that you do like me.”
Kim’s gaze on him was intense, he stared at Chay like the boy held stars in his eyes. Like he was the sun and Kim would burn his entire being to just stay close to Chay. Like he was the lucky one, like Chay had rocked his entire world by just existing. That…that did things to Chay’s insides.
“P’Kim?”
“Hm?”
“Can I kiss you?”
The hand in Chay’s hair stilled and he could feel Kim’s heart beating faster. Was he nervous? Interested? Disgusted?
“I promise I’m eighteen and I promise it won’t matter if you don’t wanna kiss me but I really want you to be my first kiss and it is–”
“Baby, breathe,” Kim chuckled. “I didn’t say anything yet. I just wanna know, are you sure you wanna kiss me? I did admit to manipulating you.”
“And I said that I don’t care. So, can I?” Chay was giddy, optimistic, head over heels in love. “You might have to lead because I’ve only ever read about kissing you. Or anyone else.”
Kim barked out a laugh, amused at the boy. “You’ve what?”
“Urgh. Focus, please. Don’t laugh at my Wik fics,” He pouted up at Kim.
Kim smiled at him, eyes crinkling anda light pink spreading on his face. Chay tilted his face upwards, expectant. “Close your eyes, baby.”
And so Chay did. His breath hitched when Kim brushed their noses together, giggling softly. Kim leaned in and brushed their lips once, twice before his lips were moving against Chay’s. The kiss was soft, sweet and left Chay with a heady rush. Chay shifted so he was lying on top of Kim, finding a position that would be comfortable if they kissed for as long as Chay wanted them to. Kim was holding his face gently, thumbs rubbing circles on the blush dusting his cheekbones.
Chay had always wondered what his first kiss would be like and now he knew. He was falling, so fast, but Kim was right there to catch him, to safely hold him in his arms. Chay wished they’d never have to stop, that he could melt into Kim. The kisses felt like oaths, like fervent prayers, and Chay had always been on his knees for Kim.
They kissed for hours as the stars bled into the sky and Chay hoped Kim would stick around.
.
Chay woke up alone on the couch the next day, neck cramped from sleeping wrong. He sat up, rubbing out his bleary eyes and wondering if Kim was in the kitchen. Did Kim even know how to cook? Chay was smiling as he thought of Kim and just how long they’d spent talking and kissing.
His smile fell as he noticed the lack of Kim in the kitchen, another blue post-it filling in for the guy. He picked it up.
I’m sorry! I had to leave because something came up. Didn’t wanna wake you.
It unsettled Chay but he thought he was just being paranoid. Kim had said he liked Chay, Kim had kissed him. There’s no way he was running away, right?
But three days later, when Chay was left with thirty unanswered calls and god knows how many unread texts, he realised he was wrong. Kim had run away again.
Chay was understanding, he really believed that. He was nice and kind, but he was also absolutely livid. Kim couldn’t keep doing this to him over and over again. He wished in passing that Porsche would actually keep his promise of hurting Kim so the latter would understand how Chay was feeling.
Kim wanted to run? Great, he was welcome to. Chay would not chase after him, not again. He’d put deadbolts on his door and do his best to undo all the damage Kim left in his wake.