Work Text:
tap tap tap
Remus hears a faint sound coming from the window, the sun, just now deciding to shine, was burning into his freshly awoken eyes. "alright, alright I'm comin', bloody birds can't wait a second." He untangled his long limbs from the sheets of the bed him and Sirius shared, although Sirius had been on a mission for a week now. Remus opened the window wincing slightly at the shrill creak it made. He carefully untied the paper from the post owl's foot, taking the daily profit into his hands, the bird squaked for a treat but Remus just shoed it away, he was never really fond of owls, they always creeped him out in a weird sort of way.
It was quite chilly out today he noted once he shut the window, Sirius would be excited, winter was just around the corner and Padfoot always adored rolling around in the white twinkling snow. Hopefully he would be there once the first snowfall came then maybe Remus could take him out for the day, give them both a well deserved break from the seemingly never ending war. At that nice thought he lazily unrolls the large newspaper, hoping to any god out there, the front cover wouldn't show yet another death eater attack. Instead he's met straight away with none other than Sirius, his Sirius on the front cover, in hysterics. He feels his stomach drop to the floor and instantly senses the burn of bile running up his throat, he swallows it back down. Maybe he's wrong, maybe Sirius isn't dead, maybe he just did something stupid, ya that must be it, because Sirius would never die, never leave Remus alone. So he wiped away the tears already blurring his vision with the arm of his suddenly too rough jumper.
Inhale 123 Exhale 123
Remus manages to do that 2 times before finally being able to see the headline of the daily profit, which reads 'Potter family murdered in home Black is to blame'. The burning in his throat crawls back up, however this time Remus can't push it away. He sprints to the bathroom, to only just make it to the toilet in time, to retch his sad dinner from last night into the toilet bowl. Remus with his ears now ringing, throat burning, hot tears running down his face, he manages to grab the door handle and pull himself up off of the cold tile floor. This isn't real, this is a prank, a horrible one at that. He sprinted throughout the tiny one bedroom flat searching for his Sirius laughing at how gullible he was.
"Sirius! Sirius! You can come out now! Honestly, you got me ok? Come out please?"
His voice broke, a sob escaping his trembling lips. For Lily, who had always looked after him, and always comforted him when he couldn't trust anyone else. For James who had never left him unsmiling, who had taken him as he was and loved him more for it. For poor Harry Potter, the perfect combination of his parents the only baby Remus had ever loved. And his Sirius who had apparently died years ago, because Remus' Sirius would never have betrayed his family.
The words blurred out of sight again as tears began freely flowing from Remus’ honey colored eyes. The paper, suddenly too heavy fell to the floor, with Remus following after it mere seconds later.
Thud
And while Remus crashed to the floor his whole world fell with him.
No, no, no, no, no
The words tumbled out of him with no chance of holding them back. And Remus just stayed shattered like a broken vase, on the dirty floor, his and Sirius’ dirty floor, of his and Sirius’ apartment, the apartment only 20 minutes from James and Lily’s home. The home where they had been betrayed by their best friend and brother, the person Remus had believed to be his soulmate.
Inhale 1- Exhale 1-
Distantly, Remus knew he wasn’t breathing properly, that if he didn’t take deep breaths soon he would probably pass out. Did it really matter now though? His whole world had just been destroyed and now he was left in wreckage, why? Why had Sirius chose to leave him? Was it because he still loved Remus in some sick way? Or was it because he hated him most of all? The thought of either of those being true swirled in his mind while simultaneously puncturing holes in his heart, or at least that’s how it felt.
Sirius, James, Lily, gone
Tears flowed down Remus’s blotchy red face not showing any signs of slowing. He tugged his hair feeling the room spin circles around him, taunting him. He was exhausted, he didn’t know how long he had been stuck in this position, but it felt like an eternity. It didn’t matter anymore did it? There was no one left that cared about him, no one that would look for him if he never left this spot again. He had no one left, and it was all because of the one person who had promised to never leave. The thought was so ridiculous he could almost laugh, almost.
The ringing in his ears got louder and louder, forcing out any other sound in the room. Remus felt a pounding rattling his brain, and whether it was caused by Remus’s crying or exhaustion it didn’t matter, because it’s not as if it would go away. Maybe it was a good thing, maybe it would distract him from worse things. Of course it didn’t, but maybe eventually it would. The world around him grew fainter and blurrier by the minute and before Remus could stop himself he had fallen into a fitful sleep.
A sleep filled with Lily and James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black. One where they all lived and breathed and ran around a castle, their home, the only place they had ever felt happiness, a happiness that would never come again.