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They were tired. It seemed they hadn’t slept in days, and maybe it was true, but they didn’t know how long had passed since they last saw a bed. Now they finally had the chance to rest, though somehow they couldn’t. What they had saw, what they had done, what they had discovered… It was too much, too shocking, but there was also another thing keeping them from sleeping and it was wanting to spend more time with the other.
Eren buried his face in Armin’s chest and curled himself on the bed. Armin knew Eren was going through a lot, they were all going through hell, they had just seen hell in the form of a hundred-meter titan, but he couldn’t understand why Eren wanted to sacrifice himself. Eren was humanity’s greatest hope and now that he could harden in his titan form, Wall Maria could be recovered and they could get to the Yeager’s basement, so why was Eren feeling that way? Something had happened and Armin knew it was after he was kidnapped by Kenny. Eren was still hanging on before that, so why the breakdown.
Armin put his hand on Eren’s hair and caressed it as the other began to cry. Armin himself was having issues with the things he had done, but he couldn’t tell Eren any of that, not with him in that state, in so much need of help. He missed his friend so much, he wanted to see him, to have him near. When he saw Eren in what he felt it was years, he forgot for that moment everything that was tearing him apart, all the situation. All he could do was smile and reach his hand to Eren; for that fleeting moment, they were alright, there was nothing to worry, but Eren now crying in his arms reminded that it was all too much to handle. Armin had broken down a few times in that process and Eren and Mikasa were always there to get him up again, now he had to do the same for his best friend. He waited until Eren was comfortable to talk.
“Hey, Armin. I’m sorry. I’m so undeserving of you. And you still gave me your hand when we met again and I accepted it, even though I’m not worth of it. If you knew…”
Armin let out a deep breath. He wanted Eren to talk and it was a relief that he was. Eren still didn’t show his face, though. “Eren, don’t say these things. I’ll always offer you my hand, regardless of anything. I’m here for you, cry all you want.”
“Armin”, Eren started after thinking for a while, “if I told you that I am a monster, would you still want me here?”
“Eren, you’re not a monster, Eren…” Armin didn’t know what to say, but he knew Eren wasn’t a monster, he couldn’t be when he was Eren, the one he had always knows. Even if he could turn into a titan, he wasn’t a monster, he couldn’t be. He wanted to make Eren believe him, that he was a his hero, the one he needed the most, the one he wanted to heal.
Eren interrupted Armin. “I’m not the hope of humanity, I’ve never been!” He sat on the bed; Armin did the same, but Eren still wasn’t looking at him. “I’m my father’s sins! I’m my own sins, I’ve been keeping humanity from being saved! If only Historia had eaten me…”
Armin grabbed Eren’s shoulders. He couldn’t say something like that! “What are you saying, Eren?”
Eren looked at Armin finally. His eyes were red, swollen. He was grieving, he was hurting, he was afraid. Armin felt his heart break, but he couldn’t understand what Eren was saying; he needed to know what was the reason for that face. Eren looked down again and began to explain.
“I… Rod told me. I hold the memories of the whole history of humanity, but I can access that, I had to be a Reiss. Historia was gonna eat me, but she didn’t, I can’t understand why. I’m so useless! If… I hadn’t all this power locked inside me and if the Reiss had, maybe they could’ve saved you grandfather, maybe they could’ve saved every one else. They could’ve avoided the second attack, but I was holding it all inside me.”
Armin was in shock. He didn’t know any of that. He knew Eren had memories that weren’t his, but still, was that even possible? To hold powers… Armin thought about it and then he understood. Eren got it from the person he ate to become a shifter. Was it one from the Reiss? He had been wondering that for a while. But how did Eren get to remember who he ate? All he knew was that Eren was suffering because of that situation and he needed to tell him something.
“Eren, you never asked for this power, you can’t hold all the blame, you…”
“Armin,” Eren stopped Armin again and gave him the answer to his doubts. “I was the one who got all this power. I remember it now. Armin, I ate my father.”
“You…”
He was fully aware that Eren had eaten someone, but his father! His mouth opened wide and Eren started crying again.
“Yes, I ate him when he turned me into a titan and I got all the power he stole from the Reiss.” Armin tried to swallow all that information, but though it was shocking, he knew Eren wasn’t at fault; he was giving up in everything, he was feeling useless and so guilty that he was almost falling apart in Armin’s arms. Eren was broken and all Armin wanted was to gather the pieces and bond them together again. How could he? He tried speaking his mind; he wanted Eren to know he was needed.
“You never asked for any of that, but this is the reality we live in. Eren, maybe your father meant well when he sacrificed himself, when he stole that power. Maybe the answers are in the basement and so we can get hold of the truth, we have to get there and you’re the only one who can take us. Eren, please, hold on, please, you’re not useless. Eren… I believe in you, and I’ll stay here, as always.”
Armin held Eren in his arms and he cried until exhaustion made him pass out, but Armin still couldn’t sleep. There was so much to think, there was so much information to digest and a boy to save in his arms. Armin knew it was all so hard, but he wanted Eren to believe he was not a monster. It was then that a thought crossed his mind. What would Eren think if he knew Armin was now a killer? Unlike Eren, he had a choice and he chose to kill. He didn’t want to lose the one in his arms, he wanted to help Eren, but would he accept his help once he knew of his true nature. Eren had always been there, giving his hand to him and Armin wanted to do the same.
"Hey, Eren.” Armin whispered in Eren’s ear. “If you knew that I am the real monster here... would you still accept my hand?”
The next day would be Historia’s coronation. He hoped Eren would be alright. They had to decide their next move after that. Finally, they were getting the chance to get to Eren’s basement and he hoped that would answer all the mysteries and that Eren would feel better after that. He was the reason it was possible now and the things done couldn’t be undone, they would have to deal with the consequences and move on. It was bitter and Armin was afraid, but he wanted to face it with his head up, for Eren. After thinking a little more, Armin surrendered to sleep.