Chapter Text
As much as Bora wants to do nothing but rest her tired body on the bed, she can’t win against Gahyeon’s signature smile. Bora likes to think it has some sort of magic in it because why else would she feel lightened and overall better? Though it makes her feel weak in a way that she can’t fight against it, can’t turn Gahyeon down when she wants something.
“Fine. What do you want to talk about?” Bora sighs as she leans on the end of the sofa, propping her legs on top of Gahyeon’s thighs.
Gahyeon upturns the sides of her lips as she grins triumphantly. “What do you think about soulmates?”
Bora closes her eyes. Gahyeon seems to be fond of that topic which she understands; she was like that before too, always thinking about her soulmate, wondering when she’ll meet them. Now though, she’s not as enthusiastic.
“I don’t really care about it that much,” Bora says truthfully. When she opens her eyes, she catches Gahyeon looking at her fondly.
“I once hoped soulmates didn’t exist.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s something I can’t control.”
Bora has always seen Gahyeon as her little sister even if they don’t have any blood relation—someone she wants to take care of for as long as she can. However, the more time they spend together, the closer Bora is to the realization that maybe, the other doesn’t feel the same way, or rather, feels more than Bora expects her to.
She doesn’t dwell on it though. She doesn’t want to overthink so she lets it pass.
Gahyeon invites Bora to a party, saying it’s only her friends and some of her former college blockmates. She then decides to wear simple ripped jeans paired with cropped, blank tanktop laden with tiny sunflower heads. It seems like a casual get-together anyways and it’s not like she has to dress up for anyone.
Bora scrambles at the sound of her doorbell and she almost sucks in a breath once she opens the door. A luxurious-looking Gahyeon stands, wearing a black velvet two-piece suit and a cropped, white satin polo underneath. Her purple hair is tied in a ponytail with some of it parted on the side to serve as bangs.
Wow. “You didn’t tell me it’s formal,” Bora says as she steps outside.
Gahyeon chuckles in response. “It’s not! I just wanted to impress you.”
“You certainly did.” A click is heard as the door locks.
“I know. I saw how you gawked at me.”
“Hey,” Bora shrugs. “You can’t blame me when you literally look like-” Bora looks at her up and down, “-that.”
If Gahyeon’s cheeks turn pink, Bora doesn’t say anything about it.
It doesn’t take long for them to consume different types of alcohol available. Bora has a high tolerance to it so she only feels a bit tipsy. Gahyeon, on the other hand, already seems drunk from the way her eyes drowse and the pink tinge that isn’t from makeup, settles on her cheeks.
Bora slaps Gahyeon’s wrist as she tries to grab another drink and returns the glare that she earned. Gahyeon then surrenders and leans on the couch instead as she eyes the ceiling in a daze.
“You know,” Gahyeon starts, breaking the silence. “I’ve always wished I’d finally see the color.”
Bora leans as well. “You will soon, once you meet your soulmate.”
“That’s the point,” There’s a hint of displeasure in Gahyeon’s voice. She suddenly turns to Bora, their faces coming to a close. “I wanted you to be my soulmate, the one who’d make me see the missing color in my life.”
Bora was right all along, even if she tried to feign ignorance at the beginning. Not knowing what else to do, she turns away and the warmth their closeness provided immediately disappears.
“That’s just the alcohol talking.” It’s a stupid response but what else can she say? The last thing she wants is to hurt Gahyeon and if she can, she’d rather change the topic than outright tell her what she honestly feels.
There’s a short uncomfortable silence before the sound of Gahyeon’s laughter fills the air. Bora knits her brows together in confusion.
“Yeah. Forget I even said anything,” Gahyeon says as she wipes a tear from her eye. Bora knows it’s not from the laughter and her ribs feel like it’s squeezing so firmly around her heart that she almost has to inhale deeply to escape it. It’s her fault, and her chest constricts the more she thinks about it.
She wants to comfort her but she has no idea how. How can she provide any of it if she’s the source of the heartache? No, she’ll only make everything worse. If she can just exchange the pain Gahyeon is feeling and make it hers, she would. But she can’t, so she just sits there, allowing the guilt to gnaw at her. It’s what she deserves anyway.
Gahyeon, on the other hand, knows from the beginning that Bora won’t ever reciprocate her feelings. She thinks about it and reminds herself all the time. At least she’s now, she’s able to express what she feels. Not really expecting an answer, Gahyeon stands up, offers a sad smile to Bora, and saunters away.
Sometimes, Bora hopes she could’ve at least tried with Gahyeon. To hell with soulmates. Gahyeon is beautiful, smart, funny and just every bit of her is lovely to Bora. She accepts her whole being, flaws and all. Unfortunately, feelings aren’t easy to obtain and it especially cannot be forced to oneself.