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Tony sighed, opening the trunk of his car. He stared at the round piece of metal that was captain america's shield. To think he really spent all those nights refurbishing it and cleaning it up in the hopes that its owner would come back…
Tony didn’t know why he did it. He trained himself to hate Steve’s guts, especially after the civil war. But the letter, the phone, everything…Tony, a man of numbers and reason, could find no explanation to why he held on.
But now was no time to dwell on his feelings. The time had come to reunite the Avengers, and it was time for Tony Stark to give Steve Rogers his shield back.
“Hey, try to keep this on the down-low, I didn't bring one for everyone else.” Tony found cracking jokes the best way to break the ice, especially in a moment like this where Steve was in visible, utter disbelief.
Tony fixtated his gaze on the man. Steve Rogers, despite all the tragedy both of them had gone through, still looked as goddamn perfect as ever. Unlike Tony, Steve’s golden, sleek hair showed no signs of age. His blue eyes pierced Tony like ice. And his fair skin was not wrinkled one bit. Tony always felt a tinge of envy looking at the perfect man–the perfect son that his father always wanted. Tony half-heartedly wished he could get a dose of that superserum–he hated showing signs of age and weakness. It wasn't in his system. He made a mental note to work on ways to enhance age when he returned home.
Tony’s train of thought was interrupted by those same frighteningly blue eyes, their gaze prickling into his skin. Tony almost expected to be scolded. Yet, Steve’s normally stern look was softened. The cold ice in the soldier's eyes was beginning to melt.
“You…you saved my shield…”
It had been 7 years since they really saw each other, really were alone together. It had honestly been the first time Tony got a chance to process everything that happened, between the avengers, between them , in 7 years. Tony’s nature was to just shut everything out and never really process everything. He was never a man for emotions, and the trauma he had, he kept stuffed in a mental box deep in his brain. But there was something about the way Steve reacted–the oh-so-perfect supersoldier had a heart. Tony could feel the guilt on Steve's face, in his eyes. In a split second, the memories of their fight, the war that tore the avengers apart from the inside, flickered in Tony’s mind.
Tony held in a breath, trying his hardest to act nonchalant. “Yeah. Didn't have much to do for five years, anyways. Figured it would do us both some good to get this thing repaired.”
Steve slowly grabbed the smooth shield, holding it so cautiously it was as if he was trying to carry glass. Steve bent his head, staring at the vibranium metal in his hands so hard it looked to Tony like he was trying to glare its existence away.
Tony waited, staring at Steve's tilted head for a reaction. It was so silent now, that Tony could hear a pin drop. Yet, after a couple of seconds, Tony's heart began to sink. No reaction came out of Steve, who’s gaze was still fixated on the shield. No acknowledgement, nothing. Tony felt like he was an intruder in Steve's own moment, in Steve’s life. In a way, Tony always believed he was. After all, no matter how many machines, gadgets, and cures he made, he could never compete with Steve Rogers–the pinnacle of freedom, the embodiment of the American values–everything Tony’s father wanted in a son and everything Tony didn't have.
Yet, all Tony wanted, despite everything that had happened between them, was just a thank you.
Tony slammed the trunk with more force than needed, and Steve flinched in response, almost dropping the shield.
“Alright pretty boy, I’m going inside,” Tony scoffed, not attempting to hide the hurt in his voice this time. “Once you're done staring lovingly at your shield, come meet us inside. We’ve got shit to do.”
Tony began to walk away, furiously stuffing his fists in his pockets. But Tony's silent fuming was abruptly stopped as a firm hand grasped his arm.
Tony turned slowly to meet Steve's face. Tony’s eyes locked with Steve’s for the first time in years. For real , this time. It was intimidating. Tony noticed Steve's eyes again—the ice in them was melting. Melting so much that water was dripping from the soldier's eyes, down his cheeks and falling off his chin…
It took a moment for Tony to process the fact that Steve Rogers was crying.
Steve bent down, one hand still gripping tightly on Tony’s forearm, placing the shield softly on the ground. He stood up again, tears streaming down the man's face even quicker now as he closed his eyes tight.
Tony gulped a shaky breath. He had no joke, no punchline for something like this. Tony had calculated and solved thousands of unsolved formulas, always had a backup plan for any and every situation he combatted–hell, he even solved the formula for time travel. However, nothing Tony knew or learned could prepare him for something like this. Steve Rogers never cried. Definitely not in front of him , either. Tony hated the irony; the irony that Steve Rogers–of all the people, all the equations and formulas ever created–was the only “problem” he could never figure out the answer to.
“H…hey.” Tony struggled to get words out of himself. “Don't…don't cry.”
Out of a stroke of explicit impulse, Tony did something he never did before and would probably never do again. He broke away from Steve’s grip, extending his palms towards the soldier's face. Tony gently pressed on Steve’s warm skin, using his thumbs to try to wipe the tears falling from Steve’s eyes. Tony was not a touchy-feely person, regretting his decision almost instantly. But Tony stuck with it–it would be stupid to pull away now. Tony began to feel his own tears at the corner of his eyes, which he pushed back with ferocious blinking.
Steve’s warm hands grasped Tony’s tightly, holding them in place there. An electric, tingly feeling started to creep up in Tony's chest, and he hoped it wasn't some malfunction with his heart. However, deep down Tony knew this wasn't the case–what he was feeling was a chemical imbalance. Emotion– one that Tony had never felt before. What was it?
Finally, words sputtered out of Steve's mouth. “Tony…I don't deserve…I don't deserve this…” Steve fought to speak between his sobs.
Tony shook his head instinctively. “...Rogers, don't…don't say that.” Tony knew that feeling of guilt all too well.
Steve didn't listen, rambling on as he weeped. “No, Tony…I caused the Avengers so much pain. I caused you so much pain.”
Tony had to admit Steve was right. He did cause Tony pain. Lots of it.
“It's over now. It has been over, and we can't go back.” Tony sighed in response, his fragile voice beginning to crack under emotion. “But what matters is here and now, right?”
Steve didn't respond. His hands trembled and fell to his sides, and Tony’s arms did the same. Tony watched the supersoldier try to collect himself but fail, continuing to sob streams of tears from those pools of ice.
Tony, for the first time in a long time, felt pity hit him in his chest. Pity for the man he always envied. A while ago, Tony firmly believed anyone but Steve deserved pity–Steve was too perfect for such an emotion. But now, with Tony’s former ally completely broken and vulnerable right before his eyes, realization finally hit him.
Steve Rogers–no matter how tough and supersoldier-like he acted on the outside–was human , too.
“This was all my fault, Tony,” Steve mumbled in between sobs. “Everything. I was…way in over my head…damn it. I never realized….what the hell I did wrong…until I woke up and no longer saw you.”
Tony felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes, yet again. He blinked quickly, trying to resist them.
“I…I was so focused on bringing back the only friend I had from my past…that I forgot about the friends I made in the present.” Steve bent his head in shame. “I was so…stupid. And then the snap happened…We fucking failed to kill Thanos…because of me.”
Tony shook his head in response. “Now, you shut up. We both failed. I had the phone. I could've, I should've called you, and I–”
Tony choked back tears yet again, but this time, he couldn't hold them back. He bent his head as tears dripped down his face. “God, I wish I called you.”
After a moment, Tony looked up and met the soldier’s eyes again. Steve had an indescribable emotion painted on his face. To Tony, it was always like an artist had sculpted Steve's features, painting every emotion he showed with a soft brush. Steve was fucking perfect, yet now, he was so, so human.
The two men cried in each other's presence, too guilt-stricken to form proper words. The two were like magnets, stepping towards each other as if being close to each other was the remedy Steve and Tony needed.
It was.
Tony noticed the space between them lessening, but that was the least of his concerns. Tony wanted to tell Steve he forgave him. That he missed him–or even more. But Tony had no idea how to comfort both Steve and himself. He had no idea what he could do to reassure Steve that it would be okay.
But Steve knew what to do.
It all happened so fast for Tony to process it. But Steve got so close to him–was it to hug him?--and Tony completely lost all control of himself in that fraction of a second. The next thing Tony felt was his lips…on Steve's . Tony felt like he was just a soul in someone else's body; because if it was his body, it could’ve never come to this…right?
Yet, Tony was being kissed by Steve. And Tony… was kissing him back.
As soon as Steve pulled Tony in and their lips connected, it was like a spiral of emotions spilled out of both of them. Years of buried wanting, yearning, loving , had finally led to this moment. Steve's firm arms wrapped around Tony's form, as if to reassure him that he would never let him go again. Caught in this embrace, Tony did not want Steve to let go.
Their mouths moved in perfect motion with each other, as if Tony and Steve had prepared for this moment. Tony would've lost his balance if it wasn't for Steve's grip on him. Steve kissed Tony with so much passion and unspoken words of love and admiration that Tony could practically feel every emotion Steve had for him. Tony could barely think, however one thing was for certain: Steve was an astounding kisser–again, another skill he had perfected.
The kiss they shared became so passionate that when the two broke for air, they were both panting. Right then, as the two enamored superheroes gasped for air, the realization of the past few seconds hit Tony like a freight train.
“Holy shit,” Tony exclaimed, his voice raw and shaky. He dared to meet Steve's gaze. “You…I… you kissed me !”
Steve's eyes also met Tony’s, the same shock washing over the soldier's face. “I…I…”
“And I…” Tony's voice broke somewhat as he tried to process what just happened. “...kissed you back…”
“Tony,” Steve interrupted, his tear-stained cheeks flushing red, “I love you . I’ve loved you since the day I saw you when I came out of the ice. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me until now, and it broke my heart. But then, you fixed the shield and I–”
Steve stopped, likely noticing Tony with a blank stare. Tony was processing everything–the words Steve just said were ringing over and over in his head. I love you. I love you. I love you.
With those words, Tony finally realized the reason behind his years of envy for Steve. All those years of envy, of competition, of bickering and of rivalry, was all because of one thing.
Love.
Tony loved Steve. His jealousy never stemmed from hate, it stemmed from love. Tony just wanted Steve to love him , and finally, it had come true.
Tony didn't need to say anything back. Instead, he brought his arms around Steve's neck and pulled the soldier in for another kiss. Tony knew he couldn't speak or else he wouldn't be able to recollect himself. So instead, Tony kissed Steve. And Steve kissed him back. And the two were lost in each other’s arms, forgetting the things that broke them once and for all.
As they kissed, Tony smiled.
I finally found the solution for your equation, Rogers, Tony thought, grasping onto Steve as they held each other there. That solution is…me.