Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dean thought through the information that Sam had just provided him with. The younger Hunter believed that there was a pattern to these disappearances. Gay men, over the age of 20 but under the age of 30 and over 6 foot. Sam had suggested that they go to the nearest gay bar and stake out there.

"A gay bar? Are there even any gay bars in this small ass town?!" Dean seemed uncomfortable about the idea but he knew that it would be beneficial to the case.

Sam rubbed his neck awkwardly but continued to stared into the screen of his laptop, "Pride."

Dean glanced over at his baby brother in confusion, "Come again?"

"Pride. The only gay bar in this town is called Pride. It's actually the only gay bar for miles around." Sam said distractedly as he continued to scan the information on his laptop. His refusal to take his eyes away from the screen would have you believe that ancient mythology was the most enthralling read of all time. It was clear that Sam wasn't letting out everything he knew.

Questions whizzed around his head but he stuck to the most obvious, "Where?"

"You know that diner that we had breakfast in? Well, the backstreet behind there. You'd have to walk right along until you think that you're going to come out the other end." He typed quickly on his keyboard.

"And you know this, how?" Dean stared at his brother.

Sam shrugged and still avoided looking anywhere near his elder, "I've gotten around, Dean."

Dean huffed at Sam's cryptic answer, "Apparently so."

The elder Winchester eyed his brother suspiciously as he lent back on his bed. He'd have to find out more tomorrow.

---

Sam rung his hands together nervously. His eyes darted through the darkening streets as he and Dean made their way to Pride. He swallowed and brushed a hand through his long hair. He was on edge and alert but Dean couldn't quite figure out why.

Dean watched his brother in his peripheral vision. He recognized the nervous actions from years of companionship which made his suspicion only grow. He chewed his lip as they strode through the streets. The street lamps barely lit the area beneath them let alone the whole road.

Sam kept his head bowed down low as he led the way. They passed the diner where they had purchased breakfast but at this time at night it was closed up with the lights off. Dean glanced in the window as he followed Sam passed the front of the building. The younger Winchester trotted forward like he could have found his way blindfolded. Dean couldn't help but wonder about his little brother.

Sam peered over his shoulder and offered Dean a small smile before turning right down a small back road. There were lights positioned every few meters to try and ensure the visitors to the club had a safe walk. There was no signs for the bar at the opening of the road but the people attending didn't require signage. Most local people probably didn't even realize that there was a gay bar placed in the dead centre of their quaint town.

Subconsciously keeping close to the wall, Sam scampered quickly towards the dead end. The tall man kept his shoulders hunched over and hands shoved deep into his jacket pockets. Dean studied his self conscious brother as the man seemed to try and become invisible. It made the elder brother raise an eyebrow.

As they got closer to the door, the sight of a small queue outside came into focus. Music from inside leaked out as 6 or 7 sparsely dressed people stood shivering outside the small door which was cordoned off by a velvet rope. A few of them jumped up and down to try and get their blood pumping quicker. The members of the queue turned as they heard Sam and Dean's heavy work boots against the ground. They seemed suspicious of Dean's natural swagger and confidence that oozed dominance but with one glance at a trying-to-disappear Sam and they quickly relaxed.

A large bouncer stood impassable in the doorway. His height beat even Sam's and the man was clearly made of almost pure muscle. The cold didn't seem to affect him as he stood feet shoulder width apart and arms folded in a defensive position. The small creases around his brown eyes suggested that he was a few years older than Dean. The large man stared off unseeingly into the brick wall opposite the club just patiently waiting for any sign of trouble.

Sam's steps seemed to falter at the sight of the large man blocking the entrance but Dean just continued to stroll forward, unsure to why Sam was so hesitant.

The elder brother stepped straight into the bouncer's line of sight and was about the pull out his FBI badge when the large man's eyes lit up in recognition. Dean frowned, he didn't know this man or he didn't think he knew this man anyway. He was about to speak when he realized that the man's gaze was directed over his shoulder. The Hunter turned to see his brother sending the large man a sheepish smile. His confusion increased. Had Sam once caused trouble here before? It would explain Sam's hesitation and reluctance to join the stake out.

Dean braced himself for some sort of fight when he was suddenly pushed aside before Sam was scooped into the larger man's arms in a tight bear hug. Shock struck Dean's features as Sam was lifted up as though he weighed half of what he actually did.

The younger hunter couldn't help the smile that broke onto his lips as he was dragged in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around the muscular man as he was lifted from the floor with ease. The man was beaming back at him in surprise.

"Sammy!" The large bouncer's voice was layered with the affection of an old friend. The elder Winchester winced at the used of his nickname for his kid brother.

"Randy!" Sam could help that the word came out more like an excited squeal.

With one last tight squeeze, Randy released the younger man from his grasp with a content sigh as though the hug had been long over due. He continued to hold into Sam's shoulder as he chuckled with the Hunter. He grinned happily.

"Where have you been?!" Sam opened his mouth to reply but Randy continued talking, "Ever since the... accident you just vanished. We were worried about you. Pete and I were even considering hunting you down." The large man's hands moved animatedly as he spoke. Dean's brows furrowed at the mention of an accident. Why hasn't Sam ever mentioned an accident?

Sam rubbed the back of his neck, "Ah, sorry. I thought I'd have some time to recover afterward then I got caught up with Dean." Sam gestured in the general direction of his brother.

"This is the famous Dean?" Randy laughed and stuck a hand out for the brother to shake. "I've heard so much about you!"

The crowd outside the bar were peering over at the men curiously. Although, some were just mad that the two new comers would get in before them.

"I'm sorry but I can't say the same about you." Dean didn't mean for it to hurt the man but it clearly did. Disappointment clouded Randy's eyes but the man fought to keep his cheerful smile in place.

"I wouldn't expect you to!" Randy managed after a moment, "We know what this one's like! So forgetful!" He pulled Sam under one arm in half hug half protective stance. They all knew that Sam wasn't forgetful. They were all aware of Randy's lies to keep Sam safe.

Dean smiled anyway, "Yeah. He really is."

The elder Winchester felt a protective sting in his chest. It was his job to look after his sibling but right now there was a complete stranger, to him any way, wrapped around his baby brother. He subconsciously stood a little taller and squared his shoulders. He reached out and tugged on Sam's arm making the tall man release him again.

"Come on, Sam. We've got work to do."

Both Sam and his friend seemed slightly shocked by Dean's sudden demand for attention. At least Randy had the decency to pretend not to be shocked unlike Sam who was giving him his infamous bitch-face. Nevertheless, Sam followed his brother as he stepped around Randy to enter the club.

With each step further in, the music seemed to triple in volume. I'm too old for this shit, Dean mumbled beneath his breath. Sam didn't even hear him as the music pulsed through his body too loud to hear himself let alone the whispering of another person.

They reached the end of the corridor and entered the actual club through another set of doors. Lights flashed spasmodically as the heavy beat shook the very foundations. Sweaty bodies became one on the packed dance floor. There wasn't any space to be seen.

Dean slinked towards a high table near the wall of the bar. It was the only one free as people were crammed around the rest. He couldn't help but notice the smile of reminiscence which was trying to stretch across Sam's lips.

Dean had only ever entered a gay bar twice. The first time was by accident, the second was for a case. Dean would bet that Sam would thrash his personal score of 3 but he was hesitant to ask.

Hours passed as the boys watched the buzzing crowd. Empty beer bottles had began to gather in front of them. People came and went as the hunters watched out for any suspicious behavior. Nothing caught their eye and after 3 hours Sam turned and sighed.

"I don't think anything is going to happen!" He strained his voice over the music.

"No, I agree. What now?" Dean swallowed as his voice hurt from screaming one sentence.

"What?"

"WHAT NOW?!"

"Oh…We could go home?" He said without noticing his body moving to the beat.

Dean nodded in agreement and stood to leave the establishment. Sam pushed him towards the door and signaled that he'd be gone one second. Dean was confused as Sam pushed through the throng of dancing partiers towards the bar. The elder hunter walked towards the door but stopped to look over his shoulder for Sam. His brother was leaning over the bar talking animatedly with the barkeep, who had a massive grin plastered across his face. Dean shook his head slowly before exiting the club.

Thoughts swarmed Dean's brain as he tried to piece together new information not about the case but about his brother instead. How did he know so much about this club and seems so naturally at ease?

He stepped out onto the cold and pulled his jacket closer to his body. He watched as his breath left his mouth and meandered upwards like trails of smoke. The sky was still dark and small stars twinkled against the royal blue. He was in the mood for wondering about the universe.

Suddenly, a large hand grabbed his shoulder sending the man into an automatic defense mode. His arms shot out ready to fight but the alcohol in his system slowed down his reactions.

The owner of the hands raised them up in surrender. Randy had a reassuring smile that went deep into his eyes. Dark circles had began to develop under the bouncer's eyes as the night drew on. He's like a big friendly giant, Dean mused.

"Dean? You alright, buddy?" The large man seemed concerned at Dean's sudden defensive outburst.

"Um, yeah. Yeah." Everything was muddling his brain. Sam was gay? He knew enough about this gay bar. Man, he kept somethings close to his chest... maybe he was just experimenting? Like in his college days? Apparently, he came here a lot until that accident- "Randy? What happened to Sam in that accident?"

The larger man's eyes widened slightly, "I had assumed that you knew."

"Well, no."

"I don't think it's my place to say..." He distracted himself by waving some more people into the club with a slight smile.

"Make it your place." Dean threatened. He squared his shoulders and stepped closer to the bouncer. Despite the inches in height difference, Dean was trying his hardest to seem intimidating. Unfortunately for him, Randy had been in one too many fights to really care much.

"I'm sorry, Dean." He stepped back from the confrontation, unsure why Dean's personality had flipped all of a sudden."You should ask Sam. I'm sure he'd be happy to tell you."

Dean mumbled to himself and stepped out of Randy's personal space accepting that the man was too loyal to his friend to divulge. The bouncer apologized but the Hunter shrugged it off. His ego slightly bruised but his mind wondering elsewhere. After all, he was now going to have to get Sam to tell.

Sam wasn't exactly drunk... more tipsy than anything. He giggled as he said goodnight to Randy. He giggled as Dean wrapped his arm around his torso to lead him home and he also giggled when Dean pushed him down on the bed that was furthest away from the door. He threw his arms above his head as his brother pulled his boots off and chucked them onto the floor. His jacket was tugged off and thrown onto one of the chairs.

Dean sighed. He had really wanted to ask Sam about the Gay Club but now his light weight of a brother was pretty tipsy. Dean thought on that for a moment. Maybe this was the perfect opportunity to get Sam to open up without shying away and to reveal his past.

The elder brother had very rarely asked about Stanford as he knew it brought back uncomfortable memories for Sam. Memories of being thrown out by his family and losing Jess. Stanford was one of those topics that the boys only spoke about for a case or when Sam felt he had something to say. Dean realized that he actually knew very little about the time his brother spent in the college.

Dean pulled his brother up and lent him up against the headboard. He knew he was treating Sam as though he was hammered but he knew that his brother struggled to hold drink. Sam blinked wearily at his brother, who was sat on his own bed studying his facial expressions. It made Sam increasingly nervous.

"So... Pride, hey?" Dean kept his eyes trained on the other man.

Sam's eyes glanced everywhere but his brother, "Mm-hhm."

"When did you start going there then?"

"The very first time? Or regularly?" Sam sniffed self consciously. He had sobered up very quickly so knew that lying would be a stupid idea since Dean could always read him like a book.

"Um, first time?"

"When I was nearly 17... Technically I shouldn't have been allowed in but the guys I was with got me inside." Sam mumbled quietly.

"17?! How?!" Dean's over protective brother instinct was kicking in, sending him into over drive. "How'd you get away from me and dad?"

Sam picked at the stitching on his jeans, "You were both celebrating a successful hunt so, in short, you both got blind drunk. You and dad were unconscious on your beds so I left... just to get out for a bit really but then I met some guys. They were pretty wasted themselves so I knew I could take them on if there was any trouble. Any man who can't take on a group of drunks should be shamed or whatever dad used to say…" He fidgeted uncomfortably.

Dean frowned, a crease formed in his brow, "How many of them?"

"...4," Sam hesitated before giving his answer, "It was alright though. Most of them couldn't even walk straight. The most sober one asked if I was on my way to Pride since apparently, I looked like the type. Obviously, at the time I didn't know what Pride was so I said yes. The guys took me in and that's when I found out that they were gay. We stayed for a few hours before I stumbled home. When I got back, you and dad were in the exact positions I left you in."

"So you ran away to a gay bar in the middle of the night while your FAMILY were lying unconscious at home." Dean's voice sounded slightly wounded.

"Don't make it sound like that. You guys were celebrating so I figured I should too." Sam looked up into Dean's eyes.

"So... you're gay?" The elder Winchester said hesitantly. He didn't want to push but he was genuinely curious.

"No, Dean."

The elder man frowned in confusion. Spending a hefty amount of time at a gay bar did suggest to homosexuality but maybe not.

"No?"

"Dean... I'm bisexual." Sam held his breath, waiting for his brother's verdict.

"Is there really much of a difference?"

Sam blinked at Dean almost shocked, "It means that I could take on a chick or a dude and be just as happy with either. So no, it's not the same."

Dean peered at his brother. When did he grow up so fast? He glanced down at the floor almost ashamed of himself. Sam should have felt able to speak to his brother without judgement. When had he become afraid to tell him the truth?

"Since when have you known?" Dean mumbled quietly.

"Since that night. I had suspected something for a while but that night confirmed it." Sam could sense a reaction brewing in Dean. Whether it was a good or bad reaction, he didn't know.

Silence drew on as Dean processed the new information while Sam shifted nervously. Words formed on the tip of the younger Winchester's tongue but nothing came from his lips.

Sam jumped when Dean finally spoke, "Regularly?" Sam blinked at his brother in confusion. "When did you start going regularly?"

"Oh... When I left for Stanford. I spent lots of time at Pride before I actually got to know anyone. I bumped into the guys that I met that first night and kinda became a part of their group in a way, I suppose. I often went back on my own though. It became almost a weekly thing, you know, traveling down from Stanford every Friday night… Not that it's far, really."

"Ah, makes sense... Why did you never tell me?" Dean asked uncertainly.

"I... I guess I valued you so much that I didn't want to risk losing you by revealing it. It was never that important really." He kept his voice quiet but guilt laced the tone. "Also... it never came up in conversation for me to slip it in or anything..."

Dean smiled at his baby brother. After all these years, he had finally told him the truth. No more secrets. It made Dean wonder... had Sam actually ever been with a guy seeing as Dean had never seen him with a man or even take notice of a one. His eyes scanned his brother, silently trying to figure out more about this newly released secret.

"So... you've actually been with a guy?" As soon as it came from his lips he doubted that he really wanted to know. No, he wanted to know whether Sam had been able to hide this from him or whether he'd just gone with girls when around him.

Sam looked skeptically at his brother. He knew that deep down Dean didn't really want to know the ins and outs of his baby brother's sex life. Not at all. The taller man nodded gently while keeping silent.

Dean's eyebrows rose slightly, "Since you've been back hunting?"

The younger Winchester offered up an apologetic smile and nodded again.

"Son of a bitch. How'd you hide that from me, man?" The shorter man pushed himself up to sit more upright. He was more shocked at his lack of observation skills then the fact that Sam had been with a dude since returning from Stanford.

"Dean. Really, dude. Once you have your sight set on a chick you don't seem to notice anything happening around you. I could have grown another head and you'd just keep hitting on the woman." Sam couldn't help the smirk on his lips.

Dean sighed satisfied, "Fine bro, but no more secrets, okay? And if you gonna bring a guy back just let me know and I'll get outta the way."

"Thanks, Dean." Sam blushed but smiled at his big brother.

---
I've also got another chapter coming up where Dean finds out about the accident. X

Chapter Text

"Randy?!" The morning was just beginning to rise as Dean jogged down the alley towards Pride. The large bouncer turned at the calling of his name. He smiled widely when he saw Dean pounding down the tarmac.

"Dean. Hey, man. You alright?" Randy asked concerned despite the fact that he was dead on his feet and any other person really wouldn't care.

"I'm yeah. I was just wondering if I could speak with you a moment." His voice sounded hopeful and Randy wasn't the type of guy to diminish hope in any body.

"Um, yeah sure." He glanced at his watch. "Walk with me though. I've gotta be home soon." He smiled tiredly.

Randy's strides were long and powerful making Dean trot beside him to keep up. He quickly reached the entrance of the alley and began walking along the side walk. He looked down at Dean expectantly.

"Oh, um. Sam told me about his... bisexuality last night." Dean hesitated on the word. He didn't know why. His mouth just stuttered.

"You're alright with that?" Randy peaked down at the Winchester out of the corner of his eye. His voice made it clear that there wasn't much of an option. He would accept it, no matter if it was begrudgingly, or Randy would steal Sam away.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course. Just a bit surprised. It was a secret for so long that it's amazing he kept it for such a long period of time."

Randy grunted in agreement. Something told Dean that Randy had tried to get Sam to come out for years, "Understandable."

"I want to know about that accident." Dean stopped walking which made Randy have to turn and look at him.

Randy began to protest when Dean interrupted, "I know you want to protect him but I need to know what happened so I can be there for Sammy when he needs me to be. I also think that'd be a way to show my support..." His shoulders sank, "Please."

Randy studied him carefully for any signs of manipulation and not just complete concern for his brother. The large bouncer sighed and a tired hand was wiped down his face, "Fine. I'll tell you what I know. Everything else Sam will have to tell you. Even I don't know it all."

Dean frowned at this new information. What was Sammy hiding now?

A few years earlier. -Sam's Flashback.

Sam pulled his jacket tighter around his thin shoulders. The rain was only light but was ice cold from the late November chill in the air. More serial murderers are born in November then any other month, Sam grumbled the trivia to himself. He hunched his shoulders and kept his focus purely on the wet tarmac floor in a feeble attempt to minimize his giant form. The music of the club echoed behind him as he got further and further away. He briefly glanced over his shoulder to see Randy waving him goodbye.

The cold ached through his flesh and down to his bones making him wish that he'd brought a proper coat with him not just the denim jacket. He stumbled and glared down at the pothole as if it had just appeared out of thin air. The alcohol just slightly dulling his senses but not too much to make him vulnerable or any sort of a target. Despite leaving, he still stuck to his father's rules all on his own.

He had just reached the end if the alley when he first heard the voices. Keeping his head down, he kept walking back towards the room he was staying in. He often stayed in town overnight, whether that was with someone from the bar or at a motel or even at Randy's apartment once or twice. It was always easier to make the trip home in the morning after sleeping off the alcohol and tiredness.

The voices got louder so Sam automatically picked up his pace. It sounded like two or three men who had just a bit too much to drink causing them to be dicks... to be loud dicks. Didn't they appreciate that some people are actually asleep at 2:30am? Sam ranted silently.

"Waahaay, guys! Look what we have here!" One of the men called. His nasal voice echoed off the buildings around the road.

Sam physically winced. He already knew that he was the target of the man's exclamation. He sped up slightly more but the pounding of the men's shoes just increased too. Sam's heart began too triple it's usual rate.

"Oi! It's one of them cock suckers!" Another slurred after guessing that Sam had been to Pride.

A knot twisted itself in Sam's stomach as the men were just mere meters away from him. If he had any sense he would have gone back to the club once he had heard the loud voices but no, he obviously had no sense.

"Hey! You!" Sam's rapid steps faltered slightly. "I'm talking you, you gayboy!"

The Hunter's chest tightened as he slowly turned around to see four men stumbling towards him. They had a look of determination struck across their faces which made worry bubble in Sam's stomach.

"It's another abomination!" The tallest guy chuckled darkly as he approached the Winchester.

Sam knew not to react. He knew that to provoke them wouldn't be worth it so instead he decided to remain silent in the hope that they'd eventually just stumble away. The tallest man swayed in front of Sam as the drink played with his sense of balance. His eyes were angry and his eyebrows were furrowed in rage. It made Sam blink and try to step back.

The man's hand shot out and grabbed his arm, stopping the young man from backing away. Instinctively, Sam threw a punch up towards the guy's jaw. His fist met the bone with blinding impact making the man stumble backwards. Sam turned on his heel to run but one of the gang saw it coming so jumped out and grabbed Sam. The tackle caused Sam and the man to collapse on the floor in a heap.

The Hunter released a groan as the overweight man crushed him. Another man came to his side and aimed a hard kick in the ribs. The blow knocked all the air out of Sam leaving him gasping for breath. Was that a steel capped boot, Sam thought, it certainly felt like a steel capped boot. The man pinning him down swung a punch that landed on the side of Sam's nose with a painful crunch. Crimson blood began to trickle down the Winchester's face. Sam mentally winced, thinking of how his dad would have reacted to his son getting beaten up by drunks.

He felt hands dragging him down a close alley as the men shouted and each took turns in beating him while another pinned him to the cold ground. A stab of pain had the tall man hissing through his teeth as one of his attackers kicked him in his already damaged ribs. His vision began to blur as dark spots danced it front of his eyes. Sam could feel his blood dripping from various cuts and scrapes staining the floor beneath him in a wet red.

He must have passed out as the next thing he remembered was Randy gently shaking his shoulder in an attempt to bring him around. A few of his ribs were broken along with his nose and a sprained wrist but worse of all was the look of horror on Randy's face which would be permanently etched onto Sam's mind.

~

It took Dean a matter of minutes to get back to the motel where his brother was still sleeping. He nibbled at his lip before lowering himself onto the edge of his brother's bed.

"Sammy?" Dean called out gently.

The man shifted in his sleep and tried to tug the blanket further over his head. He'd only been able to snatch almost an hour of sleep until his elder brother had started trying to rouse him, "No, 'ean! 'm sleepin'"

The tall man rubbed his nose further into the pillow trying to hold onto the remnants of unconsciousness which were quickly leaving him.

"Sammy, why didn't you tell me?"

"I tol' you. I valued you too much." Sam mumbled. He desperately hoped that Dean would get up and leave sometime soon. He had no idea how much sleep he actually got but his body was telling him that it really wasn't enough.

"No. Not that, Sam. About the accident. Why didn't you tell me about the accident?" Dean fidgeted with his fingers on his lap avoiding eye contact with his baby brother.

Sam blinked his eyes open and shot a panicked look at Dean, "How'd you know?"

"I need to be able to support you... and stuff." A blush began creeping up the elder's neck. "I want to be able to help you but I couldn't when I didn't know so I asked Randy. He was hesitant but eventually he told me everything he knew..."

Sam flipped over in his bed to face away from his prying sibling. He squeezed his eyes shut and folded his arms as anger bubbled in his stomach. What gave Dean any right to go searching through Sam's past?

"I thought you despised Chick-flick moments?" The sourness in his voice was not lost on Dean.

"Please, Sammy... There's nothing to be ashamed about." The shorter man tried to reassure.

"Dean, I let myself get beaten up by drunks." Sam whispered. Despite his attempt to hide it, Dean knew that Sam was crying. It made a pit of despair burry itself into his stomach.

"You were out numbered. 4 against 1 is not fair no matter how skilled the fighter." Dean lent forward and with his thumb, wiped away the tears. It hurt him to see the boy, who he'd practically raised, in so much pain. "It's all okay." He gently pulled Sam in for a hug and rubbed gentle circles into the young man's back. He whispered gentle nothing's until Sam was able to stop sobbing and form a coherent sentence.

Sam sniffed, "Thanks Dean."