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Chongyun stared up at the ceiling. He was in bed with Xingqiu. They were supposed to be having a sleepover, but only one of them was actually sleeping.
Chongyun wondered why he couldn’t sleep. Xingqiu’s big bed with fine Feiyun silk sheets was incredibly luxurious and comfortable. The room was nice and cool and dark, lit only by the street lanterns outside the window. He was thoroughly tired, why couldn’t he sleep?
He turned to look at Xingqiu, turned away, and quickly realized that was why he couldn’t sleep. He had been laying flat on his back, trying his best to not look at Xingqiu. Because when he looked at him, all he wanted to do was stare, which was definitely creepy behavior. Plus, watching Xingqiu made Chongyun flustered, which certainly did not help his sleep situation. He hadn’t shared a bed with Xingqiu since they were little, and now that they were dating, it made Chongyun feel a little more awkward. Excited, maybe, for the dreamy idea of getting to sleep next to your lover, but it was much tougher in practice. To him, being in bed with someone had too many frightening connotations. Was he worrying too much? Xingqiu fell fast asleep without a care, so shouldn’t he do the same?
Chongyun strained his eyes to read the clock on the wall, 12:14 AM. He was rarely up this late, especially not after a day of adventuring like he had just had. He decided that Xingqiu had to be asleep, so maybe it wouldn’t kill him to just look for a little while, right?
Sleeping was such a vulnerable thing, and Chongyun felt honored that Xingqiu trusted him enough to sleep so soundly next to him. He was trying to be so careful to not disturb the sleeping boy, like he was handling something infinitely delicate and precious. This was an honor to Chongyun and he would not dare mess it up with any silly antics that he may or may not have desired.
Xingqiu was laying on his side, facing Chongyun. He was in blue silk pajamas, only the finest for the young master. The top few buttons had come undone to reveal his neck as it dipped down to his collarbones. The lantern light gently illuminated his face with a golden yellow that revealed shiny highlights in his messy hair. His eyelashes, blue as water, rested so delicately on his cheeks. His face was a little smushed on the pillow, too. What a cutie.
Chongyun was used to seeing Xingqiu awake and aware, confident and clever. When he was asleep, however, he looked as peaceful and gentle as a light rain shower.
Chongyun imagined what it would be like to be closer, to rest his head against those collarbones, breathe in the scent of his flowery shampoo, feel his heavy arms draped over him in a comforting embrace.
No way, it was far too embarrassing. He had no clue how to ask for such a thing, and he couldn’t ask while Xingqiu was fast asleep! Chongyun felt his cheeks go red, maybe from a yang overload. He decided he would stand by the window to get some air and cool off before he got himself sick.
Chongyun carefully got out of bed and leaned on the windowsill to look outside. He didn’t want to make any noise by opening the window, but the cold night air was creeping in and cooling his flushed cheeks. He could hear the harbor’s nighttime noise. Drunks and night merchants wandering about, barking dogs, and the rattling of cart wheels.
“Yun?” Said a sleepy voice coming from behind him.
Chongyun turned to see Xingqiu looking at him with half lidded, bleary brown eyes. Oh how badly Chongyun yearned to kiss them shut.
“Sorry for waking you up.” Chongyun said.
“Can’t sleep?” Xingqiu asked.
He rested his head back on the pillow and smiled warmly. His sleepy face and messy hair made Chongyun’s heart flutter. Somehow, Xingqiu managed to be beautiful even in the middle of the night.
“I’ll help.” He said.
“You’ll help?” Chongyun asked as he climbed back into bed.
“Mhm. Here. I’m cold anyway.”
Xingqiu pulled the blanket back and moved his pillow to be closer to Chongyun. He then opened his arms invitingly.
“Right here.”
“Won’t that bother you?” Chongyun asked.
He wanted to lay in those arms so badly but he felt the need to deny himself. Wasn’t it dangerous to be so indulgent? Wasn’t it scandalous? For him it was a little too close to what couples are supposed to do in bed, right? That made him very uncomfortable indeed.
“No silly! I’m inviting you. You’ll be my big teddy bear.” Xingqiu said.
“O-okay.” Chongyun stuttered.
It was just to sleep, and nothing else. And how could Chongyun say no to a cozy spot made just for him? He scooched over and laid his forehead against Xingqiu’s collar, just like he wanted. He then snaked his arms around Xingqiu’s tiny waist. Xingqiu returned the gesture by pulling Chongyun into an embrace and resting his chin on top of his head. He pulled the covers back up to make both of them nice and cozy, and put a leg over him. Chongyun was fully immobilized by the snuggle trap.
“Mmm…yeah, just like this.” Xingqiu mumbled.
Chongyun could feel the words vibrating from Xingqiu’s chest and throat. Xingqiu’s voice tended to be pretty high, but his sleepiness had rendered it deep and husky, sending shivers down Chongyun’s spine.
“(Deeper than the sea of clouds.)” Chongyun mused.
“Sleep well Yunyun.” Xingqiu mumbled before pushing back Chongyun’s bangs and kissing him on the forehead.
“Sleep well, Qiuqiu.” Chongyun replied.
The ever clever Xingqiu was totally right. This was helping Chongyun sleep. Maybe instead of nervousness keeping him awake before, it was his desire to lie closer to Xingqiu and revel in his gentle warmth. It was not like yang energy’s overpowering heat. It was the only heat Chongyun could truly tolerate. It was like a warm towel on your hands after they’ve gone numb from the icy cold, pulling Chongyun out of himself and into Xingqiu’s grasp, where he could be cared for. Warm, comforting, gentle Xingqiu. Xingqiu who was right there next to him, and not going anywhere. The Xingqiu who casually held him close, because they were in love, and that was that.
Maybe being so close didn’t have to be scary. Maybe it didn’t have to come with the expectation of more, or an underlying meaning. Chongyun could just lie there and relax and not worry, because they weren’t going to do anything but sleep.
Xingqiu had probably fallen right back asleep again. Chongyun could hear his gentle, steady breathing, feeling his chest rise and fall as air went in and out. He could hear his heartbeat, too. A slow and sleepy rhythm. Perfectly alive, yet perfectly still. He smelled like flowery shampoo, toothpaste, and violetgrass soap. Xingqiu was very conscious about smelling nice and Chongyun could never get enough of it. He let the full weight of his head lean against Xingqiu’s chest, and sleep gently took him over.