Chapter Text
It was always supposed to have been Josh and Mandy.
After their successful run of Carmen , it had been expected that The Washington Ballet would stick to what worked. There was never supposed to be another audition. Company principles seemingly traveling from role to role was the usual.
It had been an unusual season — schedule conflicts and last minute alternate class partners — and suddenly, everything seemed to have changed.
And it had all started when he had danced with her .
Abbey and Jed had been in class that day, reworking their final cast list for the coming season’s performance of Romeo and Juliet . The studio space had been brimming with apprentices, the corps de ballet, and the company principals — they’d been doing the usual pre-show workshopping of various combos to get a feel of each other.
Most had worked together in Carmen , but others had just started getting involved with this particular production.
So, there they were: Abigail Bartlet, Artistic Director, and her husband Josiah Bartlet, Associate Artistic Director, heads bent towards each other, matching looks of concentration and perched eye glasses, looking back and forth between a shared clipboard and the ensemble of company members.
Josh had known he was Romeo. It had been pretty much public knowledge by now, and no one would have thought to question the recent Don José of Carmen to now play the titular role of Romeo.
But, in a strange turn of events, his Juliet had been missing in action.
Well. Mandy hadn’t necessarily been missing, but she had definitely not been in class with the rest of them.
Things had been odd with them after completing the obligations for Carmen . What could have been labeled as a “torrid love affair” had fizzled out — and Josh had been extremely confused as to what they were to each other now. He’d been pretty sure they were still dating, but to have assumed anything with Madeline Hampton would be a bold move.
If he could have even called what they had been to each other that month “dating.”
Abruptly, Josh heard a clap for attention, taking him out of his head and his Mandy problems, and thrown back into the now quieting studio.
“Josh, if you don’t mind, would you try the Pas De Deux we played around with earlier in the week?” Abbey said, pushing her glasses up to rest on top of her full hair.
Josh, still wondering where his usual partner was, had paused in question. “Yes Ma’am, but I seem to be missing an important part of that.” His dimples had popped out in a slightly confused half-smirk as his eyes traveled through the studio, making his audience laugh.
Abbey, taking no notice of the confusion, moved quickly along, “Madeline had an obligation that interfered with this session, you’ll be partnering with Donna for this.”
It had been said so nonchalantly that no one questioned it until Josh heard a small intake of breath from the crowd of dancers. He turned to see a taller blonde, eyes wide and a pale blue, matching her pale skin and paler expression.
“Ma’am?” She’d stepped forward, farther from the group, each step in her pointe shoes small but adamant.
“Yes! Donna, if you don’t mind?”
“No…no Ma’am, I’d be happy to.”
Donna moved closer to center floor until she made it directly in front of him. Her shyness had still been palpable, but she’d seemed to settle with each passing second.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
They’d shared a quick nod and smile before one hand had took her waist and the other her own hand.
Josh thought he might have blacked out. Time had suddenly meant nothing when he heard the beginning piano notes.
He knew that sometimes he could go off in his head while performing, but it had never been like this. It had almost been out of body. He simultaneously felt separated from the crowded studio space, but knew he was rooted to the room…rooted to Donna. Every pass of his hand at her waist or fingers had sent an electric current through his body and it made him lightheaded in the most comforting way. Josh had lifted and guided her through the movements, almost starting when the accompaniment had completed the last phrase and they were nearly touching noses in that last position.
They both gazed at the other, mutually sharing a heavy breath as if they had both been holding it in for the combination. Josh and Donna separated, just a mark away, quickly unlacing from the other, but there had been an energy radiating still — he hoped he would get permission to feel it again.
Their eyes hadn’t broken away quickly enough to notice Jed gesturing towards the couple in a “I told you so” motion towards his wife. She had shaken her head in response, moving down her glasses to write on her clipboard, a crafty smile playing on her lips.
A few days had passed since the workshop and Josh finds himself on a routine route to the communications offices.
Josh nudges the Marketing Manager’s door open, not looking up from the multitask of unwrapping his fruit and nut bar, and bears back with a backpack clad shoulder to shut it.
“You really gotta learn to knock, mi amor,” responds Claudia Jean Cregg, peering over glasses from her office desk, somehow still typing away at her keyboard while acknowledging his entrance.
“Where’s the fun in that?” He smirks around a bite of his bar, mid toss of the backpack to the available couch. Ignoring his favorite mid day nap spot, he skillfully flings himself to the floor in a groan. “If I started knocking now, it would ruin the allure.” Josh grunts out, bending his knees up towards his pelvis, pressing the soles of his feet together to touch in a butterfly pose.
These visits with CJ had been a constant since becoming principal a few years ago. Josh had been cast as the Prince in The Sleeping Beauty in his first major role with the company, and as the main curator for TWB’s social presence, CJ called him in for a short profile piece.
What should have been a 30 minute interview turned into 2 hours of a budding friendship.
That one meeting grew to lunches in her office, late night chats at their respective homes, champagne fueled laughs at charity galas, and everything in between. Their talks about the mundane evolved into deeper and personal discussions. They touched on their mutual losses; a late sister and mother. CJ spoke of brothers who didn’t check in as much as they should. Josh talked of supportive parents, still busy in their own aging lives that he missed seeing everyday.
It wasn’t always sad, but having the option and person to discuss the hard things with was something the two thought they lost the benefit of years ago. Finding a kinship was unexpected and wonderful and they didn’t take it for granted.
Now, it’s been 3 years and she still allows him to barge into her office at a moment’s notice.
“You’re a weird bendy dude.”
Josh since getting into his first stretch, has now transitioned into a seated middle split, slightly lifting and bending his knees and feet.
The everpresent dimples pop out, “Not the first time I’ve heard that.”
CJ snorts, “Well, it bears repeating.”
They drift into a comfortable silence while she finishes her previous task. After some time, CJ exhales, pushing her rolling chair back to be able to lounge in a more relaxed position with her crossed legs propped up on the desk.
“So. Have you talked with Mandy?”
Josh doesn’t look up from the floor his face is now pressed into, but she can tell from her vantage point that his body tenses at the question.
“Uhh, why?” He replies, a bit muffled from the thin carpet.
Josh still has yet to glimpse up, but he can feel the look she’s giving him. He’s gotten this specific look quite a few times in their years together and knows when it’s applicable.
“Nothing, just a bit surprised when the casting got cc:’d to me and her name was lower down the list.”
She’s trying to give him an out, or at least time to think of a response without outright interrogating him.
“Mhm.”
“Gah, Joshua.” CJ swings her legs back to the floor in mild annoyance.
There had definitely been whispers and talk after Donna and Josh’s very public first meeting. Nothing malicious, just general gossip and suspicions, mostly noting the absence of Mandy at the workshop and her prompt return the next day to regular classes. She obviously hadn’t been in attendance to see the new partnership, but had surely heard about it through the grapevine.
The casting list was made available later that night, and found at mid page was Mandy’s name beside the trio of harlots.
Josh thinks his eyes might have actually popped from the sockets when he first read Donna’s name across from the bolded text of Juliet, the phantom feel of her fingers still absorbed into his nerves.
“Why are you being so weird? Usually I can’t get you to shut up.” Knowing that last bit would pull a proper response from him, Josh’s head flies up, his bottom lip set in a pout.
“What actually happened at that workshop?” CJ narrows her eyes playfully, leaning forward on her desk towards him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Josh responds awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his neck.
She scoffs at him, immediately suspicious. “You know I hear everything, Romeo?”
Josh, outwardly groaning at the moniker, pulls himself up from the split, getting to his feet. “I danced with Donna, Abbey and Jed apparently liked what they saw and that’s that.”
CJ can tell he's getting flustered, so she eggs him on. “And, did you like what YOU saw?”
He stills at the question for a moment before snatching his backpack off the couch, swinging it over one shoulder to its final resting place. “Stop talking.”
Josh can hear her laughs as he stomps out the office door, missing her verbal response.
“Oh, this is going to be fun.”
It's balcony scene day. Holy Mother of God.
Josh and Donna had shared rehearsal spaces a few times since being partnered, but it was nothing comparable to today’s practice. It was a big stamina day. They were to run the scene to its entirety, and unless things went terribly wrong, they were to get to the final moments with the renowned first kiss. It would be not only the first kiss for their characters, but also the first stage kiss they would share as partners. Josh’s thoughts had been running a marathon at this particular fact since waking up this morning, the anticipation driving him a bit nutty.
He had kissed partners plenty of times, it was part of the job. Almost every lead role he’s ever had has included a kiss or two. And maybe it was Josh’s fault at offering too much of himself to every leading man he’s played, his feelings sometimes getting the best of him. That’s definitely what happened with Carmen . Mandy and Josh’s accelerated romance seemed to parallel the passion and lust of their characters, only descending to nothing once closing that period of performances.
Too much time had passed for it to be a casual aloofness by her. If Mandy was anything, she would be the visual aid for confrontation. She was never one to let her feelings or thoughts go on restrained. That’s why this casting adjustment with no response was so odd.
Josh sees her now, talking on the side with her fellow harlots, Bonnie and Cathy. She seemed indifferent to today’s rehearsals and he didn’t know how to take that. His thoughts begin to spiral, questioning if this scenario was good or bad.
Before he can work himself up too much, Donna and Charlie enter the studio.
She’s wearing all pink, her ripstop garbage pants rustling with the steps she takes. He can’t help but smile unknowingly at her as the duo changes their shoes.
A sudden tap on his shoulder makes him jump from attention, pivoting around in surprise to see CJ facing him. “Good morning, lover boy,” she says casually, glancing over his shoulder before looking back to Josh.
“What — what are you doing here?” Josh replies, clearing his throat, trying to compose his most likely very present flush.
“Oh you know, my job.” She shakes her digital camera in his face. “I figured this would be a good promotional opportunity and my assumptions seem to be correct.” CJ squints playfully. “And, I appear to have caught you taking your job very seriously as well.”
Josh throws his head back in a groan. Not this again.
“We’re not doing this right now.”
“Oh? So we’ll actually discuss this later? Like adults?”
“No.” Josh mumbles back as he turns away from her, leading himself to Donna.
After a few comments and suggestions for a non official staging, Abbey sends them off to separate ends of the room to start.
Prokofiev’s score begins to flow through the studio, sweeping in for the fated encounter. Donna pantomimes being on the balcony, in a state of dreamt reverie as she awaits Josh’s entrance. Josh dashes around the space, flourishing his practice cape until making the final placement for Romeo and Juliet to meet each other’s gaze. They had yet to touch, but Josh can already feel the electricity flowing in the room, the now consistent sensation of sparks that surge around and inside him when they dance together.
Josh raises his arm, gesturing for Donna to come down from her imaginary balcony. He rips the cape off and follows after her boxed in run from her assumed terrace, both fluttering around until Josh finally takes hold of her hand. It’s pure bliss.
Then begins the chase.
They rush around the room, Josh as Romeo showing off for his new love with a series of pirouettes and arabesques, Donna as Juliet watching on with an innocent fascination and devotion, hesitantly waiting to join in before making her way to him for their first round of partnered pirouettes.
From this moment on, they stay connected by the choreography. Their characters lead them through combos of lifts and drags that seem effortless and playful, their imagined night exterior surrounds them both in the moment.
A certain set down of a lift let’s Donna’s hand caress down Josh’s cheek, their eyes locking in want and longing. It leads Josh down to his knee in surrender, from which Donna breaks away in another whimsical flirtation, always leading him back to her.
They complete another set of lifts that end with Josh back to a knee, submitting himself to Donna. They clasp elevated hands as Josh rests his head on her offered torso, relishing in the feel of being so closely joined to her before she makes another departure.
She makes her way back quickly for the set of wilted lifts, Josh raising her into the air from his bent knees, Donna seemingly floating above him with ease. She’s brought back down in relevé, her hands coming up to cup his face, his lips press into her palm with a slight kiss.
Donna drifts from him with a solo set of pirouettes, and Romeo becomes lost to Josh as he continues to moon at her from his seated position. His mind drifts only to the devoutness of Donna, the rehearsal and character no longer a factor.
Connected once again by the embrace of her waist, he dips her closer and closer from his lowered vantage point until their noses almost brush, their shared smiles come out naturally the closer they get with her graceful wither into his hold.
The music hits a crescendo, as their partnering becomes more energetic with Josh back to his feet. Donna breaks away in Juliet’s last attempt of indecisiveness, Josh following after her. Always. He takes hold of her hand, connecting from behind as Juliet’s hesitation diminishes for good. Donna turns back around with the rise of the music, eyes slowly drifting from their linked hands to Josh’s gaze. The Bum Bum Bum of the piano is dramatic, subtly hinting at the point of no return for Romeo and Juliet, and inevitably for Josh and Donna.
His hands reach to clasp her waist as she goes into relevé, they share one more longing stare before their lips touch. It’s one single soft press as they rotate together, his hands brushing up her bare upper back, while one hand positions itself to clasp below her bun to Donna’s neck. Their lips move against each other for a second kiss as Donna floats out of his hold, backwards and up towards her imagined balcony.
They share one final longing stare, reaching to the other as the music closes out.
The earth stops for them in that instant. A calm of silence as their chests heave.
Josh and Donna are brought back in by the abrupt sound of applause, neither of them remembering there was an audience to begin with.
“Very well done.” Abbey is heard from a seat against the mirrored wall, her hands clasped together under her chin in contemplation. “I have a few notes, of course, but nicely done.”
As one, they turn back from Abbey to look at the other again.
He’s never seen a smile shine so brightly.
Josh lets out a quick exhale, feeling as if he’s been holding that breath in his entire life and suddenly found reason to let it out. He makes the mistake of looking to his left and making contact with the marketing manager, her face telling him everything he needed to know.
Holy Mother of God, indeed.
The next afternoon finds Josh heading to the communication offices, carrying a stack of to-go boxes. CJ had texted him earlier in the day, requesting his presence for lunch. He could only guess what was to be talked about.
As usual, he gets through the door without announcing himself, landing on the couch in a huff.
“Ever heard of knocking?”
He ignores the comment, leaning to hand over her lunch. “I got you your usual.”
The offering does nothing to distract her. “You know, one day you’re gonna come bursting in here and regret it,” she says into her box of food, popping the plastic wrap from her set of utensils.
“Yeah, yeah.” He bites into his sandwich and chews while she works on her salad, appreciating the peace he knows will only last for so long.
“So,” And there it is. “I started posting some of the rehearsal photos to the media page.”
Josh nods along, still chewing. Once swallowing, he allows himself to speak. “You haven't shown any to me yet.” He contemplates that decision before biting back into his lunch.
“Yeah, well. That was part of this lunch meeting…to discuss the photos.”
He furrows his brows, covering his mouth to reply. “Are we getting to the point?”
CJ rolls her eyes, tossing her fork into the salad. “I want you to stay calm when I’m telling you this.”
Josh stills, fighting down the sudden anxiety building up. “Telling me what?”
“The Lemon Lymans found the photos.”
“CJ!”
“Nice job staying calm!”
“Are you kidding me?”
“It’s nothing bad! I just thought you should know.”
What once was an appreciated source of his ever present ego now filled him with dread. Sometimes he and CJ would scroll through the innocent comments for fun, just to have a quick laugh. That was before he partnered with Mandy.
During the production of Carmen, the group held a mutual indifference to her, but there were a few comments here and there that were a cause for concern that CJ immediately took care of. Nothing ever too serious, more along the lines of “She doesn’t deserve him” and “She looks like an angry elf.”
Josh could do nothing wrong in their eyes, but he wasn’t who he was concerned about.
He was worried about how they’d treat Donna.
“You’ve gotta delete the comments, CJ.”
It’s now her turn to knit her brow in confusion. “What? No, that’s not why I’m telling you this.” She purses her lips, looking off to the side. “Actually, they really seem to like this partnership.”
Now Josh is confused. “What?”
CJ nods and gestures with a finger for him to come around to the screen. “Look.”
This is the first time he’s seen Donna and himself from an outside perspective, and wow. CJ dips her head in agreement, Josh realizing he probably said that out loud.
Most of the images are from the balcony run through, stills of perfected lifts and held frames. There’s a few candids CJ must have caught of shared smiles between rehearsals, their joint hands, held between the other as they listen to Abbey’s comments.
And then, there’s the kiss.
Their first staged kiss, immortalized forever in the company gallery.
“We look good,” Josh says softly, more to himself than CJ.
“I emailed you that one, by the way.”
That shakes him from his thoughts, looking down at her in irritation.
Moving on. “The comments were okay?”
CJ looks up at him, becoming more mindful of the situation. “You know I’d do anything to protect the members of this company.”
They share a look and he nods. “Yeah, I know. I just —” There’s an unexpected knock on the door and a sudden glow of pale blonde hair peeks around the opening door.
“Donna, my darling!” CJ lightly shoves Josh out of the way so she can push her chair back.
Josh and Donna share a look of coyness.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
CJ ping-pongs between their two reactions and snorts.
“Sorry, Joshua, but our time is up.”
He looks back at her in mock grievance before making his way over to clean up his abandoned mess, grabbing his backpack on the move. Josh side steps around Donna, but stops for a slightly awkward second, his dimples popping out just in time. “I’ll see you later?”
“Sure!”
Josh looks past Donna to the voice, it giddy with a sudden state of bedlam.
“I wasn’t talking to you.” He mumbles under his breath, shutting the door behind him.
It wasn’t that Josh didn’t love the rehearsals that mixed with technique classes, but sword fight training had become one of his favorite times of the week. There was just something about hanging out with the guys and acting like children that he appreciated.
Before, Josh and Sam had been ships passing in the night due to their hectic rehearsal schedules — but fight rehearsals had been the perfect time to catch up and act up. This was probably not what Leo had been asking for.
Leo McGarry, who had played Tybalt in the inaugural production of The Joffery Ballet’s Romeo and Juliet , had been instructing at TWB now for a decade after taking a step back from performing. It had been some personal, noble decision, deciding to mold the next generation of dancers.
He always seemed to handle Josh with a sort of paternal authority, knowing when to push and pull when needed, but acting with the same admiration and respect that he gave the elder in return.
Josh loved the mix of grace and gruff that Leo seemed to emit.
“Josh, seriously?”
He and his current scene partner turn their heads simultaneously, with equal measure of guilt and innocence. “Would you two stop messing around?” Leo says, rolling his eyes — probably for the 5th time since starting today’s training.
Charlie Young was the last minute production transfer, getting put in as Benvolio after the original cast member had sustained a very recent injury. Today is pretty important — it’s his first day working with this trio. He came recommended by Jed, who had already taken notice of him in classes.
“What we look for most in our swordfight is your trust in each other. You are working in a partnership, so you each have to know the choreography.” Leo says, his comments meant for the new trio and their Capulet counterparts. “The basic move we’re starting with is a Twyla, which consists of 8 moves.”
Leo motions for Sam to come forward. “Up, up, down, up, down, around, up, down. That’s a basic Twyla. And from that, you could repeat the Twyla twice, backwards and forwards and then it goes into stabbing.”
Leo changes his stance before moving to Sam’s right side, “So you could stab at the hip, defend at the hip. Stab at the shoulder, defend at the shoulder. Overhead, defend overhead, attack, and defend.”
They nod along at the instructions, impatient to get through the technicalities and actually start playing.
“There’s always an attack and a defend here,” Leo lifts his sword higher. “Or an attack and a defend here,” Leo lowers his sword to his waist.
“Any questions?” His smirk says that he didn’t expect any — the class is practically bouncing in anticipation. Leo gestures for them to go at it.
They practice Leo’s techniques for half an hour before Leo calls for a water break. Josh remains in form, even as the rest of the class disperses into their usual groups. He needs to strengthen his wrist for the end duel, though they haven’t reached it yet in the choreography.
Leo can only acknowledge Josh’s industriousness with a shake of his head. He’ll have to physically force Josh to take a break sooner than later.
Charlie had gotten his water, drank it, and made his way over to Josh. “Hey, I don’t think we’ve properly met. I’m Charlie Young.” He offers his swordless hand to Josh in greeting.
“Oh, yeah! Congrats on the role, man. I know it’s with unfortunate circumstances, but I’ve seen you move and you’re great!”
They catch up for a few moments until the sound of the adjoining studio door opens, dispersing the women's group of ensemble girls and leads from the same production. They flutter outside the open door, looking in to grin and wave as they pass the boys.
Josh watches Donna, Ginger, and Bonnie stop in the doorway, trying to sneak a peek at the now-paused men’s training.
Josh and Donna meet eyes, her lip bitten smile finally making contact with his dimples. She raises her hand to wave at Josh and Charlie, the latter casually waving back.
Josh himself can only stare, dumbfounded, until he remembers to nod his head in response. He almost misses the giggles coming from the door when he feels a dull thump on his bicep. “The hell?”
“Sorry…I don’t know why I did that.” Charlie rubs the back of his neck, seemingly embarrassed at the impulsive move.
Josh laughs it off, still slightly confused. “Uh, you’re friends with uh, Donna, right? I’ve seen you leave rehearsals with her a few times.” It isn’t the right time to ask this, or to need this information, but Charlie and Donna’s relationship suddenly seems important.
Charlie shrugs and smiles affectionately. “She’s my best friend. Our apprenticeship happened around the same time and our contracts were given together, too. We’ve been through every moment here together.” He almost drifts into another story before remembering why he is having this conversation. “This role is a really big deal for her. It’s the most important thing she’s been able to do here,” Charlie pauses. “And listen, I know I shouldn't worry, but I hope you get to learn how much of a privilege it is to share this experience with her.”
Josh is stunned into stillness. “God, Charlie.” He huffs a laugh out, collecting himself. “Don’t worry. This partnership is safe with me.” He had only been rehearsing with Donna for a little over a week, but he could already tell how special she was. Yes, he had a couple of years on her in the company, but there was something about being in the studio with her that rejuvenated his joy for dance.
It’s something he hadn’t known was absent until he’d danced with her. It’s something he’d never felt dancing with anyone else.
Figuratively shaking the thoughts from his head, Josh lets Charlie relax back into a more casual conversation — their upcoming hectic schedules — until Leo calls them back for training.
Donna appears troubled at today’s session.
She had shown up for their 3rd week of rehearsals a bit tense, or so Josh had thought when Donna made her way into the studio, barely looking up from her own thoughts as she tied her shoes.
Josh knows he’s only known her for a short time, but the nervous energy she seems to be emitting across the room lets him know it might be an off day for her.
He just doesn’t know why.
Just as Josh makes his way over to her, Abbey and Jed appear in the studio space, announcing to the group they are to stick around today to watch practice.
Donna’s shoulders seem to reach a higher height than ever before, almost brushing her ears before she relaxes them, but her usual light doesn’t reach her eyes at the new guests.
Josh and Donna are to work on the party pas de deux, set just after Romeo and Juliet’s crowded first meeting where they finally find their first time alone together.
“Smooth sailing, Donna.” Josh belatedly whispers to his partner as they’re finishing their first round of choreography.
“Cautious optimism, Josh.” Donna whispers back. It’s so unlike the bright outlook she usually holds for practices that it makes him furrow his brow before completing the next joined pirouette.
He sticks close to her, wanting to help in any way he can. She doesn’t seem to mind how he keeps a hold of her hand as they receive corrections, or how when he lingers on her lower back, he can feel her loosen up into his hold.
If Donna is in her head, Josh will be waiting for her when she comes back out.
It’s strange seeing her like this, the small anxious aura that doesn’t seem to disappear the longer they dance. No one from the condensed group mentions it, keeping their little critics on the dancing.
With all things considered, it’s a good rehearsal. They stop just before the transition to the balcony scene, being told to save their continuing run throughs of that for the next day. Abbey and Jed leave with soft satisfied smiles, but Donna still seems distant and introspective.
After packing his backpack and changing into sneakers, he finds Donna finishing up wrapping her pointe shoes and tossing various rolls of tape and loose bobby pins back into her duffle.
She looks up at his arrival and gives him a thin smile, taking his presented hand to pull her to her feet. Their eyes stay fixed on the other, Josh’s gaze wordlessly offering his support.
A few moments pass and she blinks those emotive eyes, “Would you like to get some ice cream?” Her voice coming out for the first time since their earlier whispered conversation.
It’s definitely not what Josh was expecting and it makes him exhale a short laugh.
“Yeah, sure.”
They make their way up Wisconsin Avenue for a short walk to Silver, an informal diner that’s only a few minutes walk from the Coleman Studios. Donna leads the way with Josh residing beside her, allowing her to direct their travels and hopefully a conversation to understand her current internal dilemmas.
Once at the door, he opens it for them, leading Donna in by the now ever present press of his hand to the base of her back.
They’re led to a red booth, sitting across from each other in mutual silence. Josh lets Donna take her time with the menu and stillness she still exudes since leaving the studio. She invited him and he’s ready to be a companion in any way she needs. If they continue this muteness for the entirety of their trip, so be it.
The waitress shows up to take their orders, Josh ordering a water.
“Can I please get the peanut butter milkshake with a side of fries.” Donna brightly asks the waitress, the usual shine she exudes starting to come back. She looks over to Josh at the end of her order, biting her lip.
“You know what, can I add the coffee bean milkshake?” Josh grins back at her, deciding to join in on the odd lunch choice of ice cream. The server makes her changes and departs.
Josh and Donna keep their eyes locked, waiting for the other to speak, until they simultaneously burst.
“So —”
“I’m sorry I’ve been so weird today.”
They both share a laugh before Josh gestures for her to continue.
“I think everything started to hit me today…being Juliet.” Donna looks down to her clasped hands resting on the shiny surface of the table. “It was just so sudden, I never expected this to happen.”
Josh tilts his head to the side, waiting for her to go on.
“Did you know I’m from Wisconsin?” Seeming like a random segue, Josh exhales a laugh at the question.
“No, but that’s a funny coincidence.” Josh replies, making the connections to their main campus location of buildings.
“Yes,” Donna returns a quick smile. “When Washington Ballet offered me the apprenticeship last year, I thought it was a sign.” Her eyes peer back down to her hands before continuing. “It was really hard getting started in Madison, when I decided this was the future I wanted.”
Josh relaxes back into the booth, intent to hear her story.
“Coming from Wisconsin, sports were the way to move forward. I grew up with two older brothers, Mark and Alex, and they played football. They were spotted by the right people and went to college where the scouts and scholarships took care of everything.”
She looks up to Josh, making sure he’s comfortable with her continuing. He responds to her look with a tick of his dimples.
“I was 5 when my mom took me to see The Nutcracker , and god! I was obsessed the moment I heard the overture. She enrolled me in the local studio that January and I was ecstatic, thinking about one day being on stage like that. Years passed and I got to the age where I found out being a ballerina wasn’t as easy and perfect as I thought.”
“I finished high school, in the middle of taking as many classes as possible and working as much as I could to be able to pay my way to travel for auditions. My parents were encouraging and helped when they would, but I never wanted to ask too much of them. It was my dream and the inconsistency of it sometimes was almost too much to bear.”
“Becoming a corps de ballet this season was a dream.” Donna has since leaned back to match Josh’s position, getting lost in her story. “I never expected this chance so quickly, and I absolutely never expected to suddenly have the role of Juliet thrust on me.”
She exhales a deep breath. “I woke up this morning feeling the need to impress the entire world. Juliet is life changing, Juliet could guarantee my contract renewal and push me forward to bigger roles, a safer place in the company.” Donna’s eyes shine for a moment. “It’s been a lot to carry, but I think being partnered with you lessens the load. So whatever happens, I just wanted to say thank you for being on this journey with me.”
Josh is speechless for a moment. Charlie’s talk with him the previous week makes more sense now. He knew his experiences were more privileged than most, but hearing Donna’s backstory humbles him. Josh knew he was in awe of her as a dancer, but now even more so as a person.
“Donna, wow. I know we come from completely different backgrounds and being a woman in this business is demented, but I never want you to think you can’t talk to me or anyone about these concerns. Hell, if you just want me to wax poetic about how incredible you are, I could probably stand to do that too.”
Josh stops short at that admission, about to backtrack before he watches the most blinding all teeth smile that Josh has ever seen in his life come from Donna. He’s already started casually cataloging her different smiles over the past couple of weeks, but this might be his favorite.
Before Donna can respond, their waitress arrives with the two milkshakes and plate of fries. Donna pushes the fries in between their two glasses, offering to share. Josh shakes his head and takes a sip from the coffee flavored milkshake, humming in contentment at the taste.
“God, this was a good idea.”
Smiling at his praise, Donna takes a fry and dips it in her peanut butter ice cream, giving it one good swirl before taking a bite. Josh pauses mid sip, looking at her like she grew another head.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“What? You’ve never had fries with ice cream before?”
“No?” He says agasp.
She lets out a giggle around another fry. “It’s a comfort food thing, back home I would dip them in my frozen custard.”
Josh squints across the booth at her, taking another sip of his own with a shake of his head.
“Next thing you’re gonna tell me is that your actual favorite flavor of ice cream is cheese.”
It’s now Donna’s turn to gasp out, looking provoked. “I should have never mentioned Wisconsin.”
They go back to a comfortable silence as they savor their joint meal. While Josh drinks, he thinks about Donna entrusting him with her fears and ambitions. They haven’t had much time to get to know each other during this process, but today feels like a turning point for them. After all she just shared, it’s only right for him to do the same.
“When I was 4, I wanted to be a ballerina.”
Donna gives her attention back to Josh, folding a leg under herself to lean closer to the table.
“My sister Joanie,” He has a sudden hesitation before continuing. “She had started going to this ballet school in Connecticut, mostly just going as an excuse to spend more time with her friends. I was the little brother, so of course, I followed along one day with our dad to pick her up from classes because she was getting to do this new fun thing and I didn’t get to go. By chance, we got to sit in on class that day and I don’t think we were 10 minutes into watching before I was begging my dad to sign me up.”
Josh chuckles to himself, thinking about not wanting the required black ballet shoes for the boys and wanting the pink ones, because he absolutely had to match with Joanie.
“So, he did. Joanie only lasted a few more months, but I stayed with it. I think this was around the time she started getting pulled to the piano. I think half of going to the studio was about having the live accompaniment.” Josh might still be in the booth, but his memories have taken him elsewhere. “I remember her sitting beside the pianist during her classes and getting into trouble for not participating in her actual classes. A couple weeks passed, and Joanie asked if it was okay if she could stop ballet and do piano lessons instead.”
Donna, who’s been smiling along with the story, comments. “Sounds like a very accomplished family.”
This stops Josh’s thought process, freezing his story flow, but he quickly recovers. “Uh, yeah. Joanie liked music…a lot. She liked it a lot. She wanted to be an orchestra conductor. She used to pretend she was conducting the music for me when I made her watch me practice.” Josh has no idea if Donna has caught the past tense use of his words, but he can’t stop sharing now that he’s started.
He feels a tightness in his throat, but pushes on. “A few years later, I had just turned 7 and my parents let Joanie and I stay home alone while they went to a work benefit for my father’s firm. Joanie had checked out a recording of The Royal Ballet’s Cinderella for us to watch and we were going to make a whole night of it. I was so excited.”
Josh can see Donna’s smile start to turn down, hearing the change in his voice the longer he speaks. He hates that he’s the one to make her sad at this moment.
“I honestly don’t remember much of the before, but I think I wanted popcorn? I was in the living room putting the tape into the player, and then there was a burning smell and Joanie was screaming for me to get out of the house.” He rushes out this part, eyes bright with unshed tears. “She, uh…she didn’t make it out.”
“Oh, Josh.” Donna bites down at her bottom lip to keep her own emotions in check.
“My parents weren’t sure what to do with me after that, if mentioning anything to do with Joanie would send me spiraling at a moment's notice. They were so careful with me, but it only took me two weeks to mention going back to ballet.”
Donna closes one of her hands over Josh’s and squeezes, letting him take a breath.
“I missed her so much, and somehow I thought being there in class would bring me closer to her. It wasn’t even about the dancing, it was the music. Joanie was my accompaniment in every sense of the word. She was my backup and support and all of a sudden, she was gone. But, I could feel her in the studio, I could hear her when I danced.”
A tear breaks free and Donna is there to catch it with her thumb, silently brushing it away with a softness that makes him want to cry harder. She gives his cheek one more caress before bringing her hand back to his, her eyes wide and full of so much care.
“So, I kept dancing. Attended intensives every summer with TWB when I got older, got me away from Connecticut when the memories and freetime got too much. Abbey picked me up for the company when I was 18, without really ever having an audition. She and Jed had pretty much watched me grow up over the years and it felt like home at that point. There was never another company I would have looked into.”
He exhales and rubs at this face with his free hand, running it back out through his unruly curls.
“And now I’m here — three years into being a principal and crying into milkshakes.”
Donna laughs at the distraction, wipes at the corner of her eye.
“I don’t really get the chance to tell people about Joanie, but if we’re sharing origin stories tonight, she’s always going to be mine.” Josh sniffs into a small grin. “Sorry if this was too much.”
His partner shakes her head, blonde strands falling from its previous bun.
“Never worry about being too much, it’s just bittersweet.”
“Bittersweet?”
“Yeah, but now I'll be able to hear her too.”