Chapter Text
Homura woke up to the sound of rumbling thunder. Her eyes slammed open like twin doors and looked around. She expected signs of destruction, of death. Of the building splitting her body in two.
Deep breath.
The thunder and rain were just a normal storm. There were no signs of destruction and death. The pressure around her waist was just Madoka hugging her.
Deep breath.
She counted the people in the room. Madoka laid next to her on the bed, both taking up the head. Mami laid not far away, surprisingly ladylike for the inconvenient arrangement. Sayaka and Kyouko were tied up in a Gordian knot at the foot of the bed. All of them were alive and well. If she focused, she could hear them breathing. All similar patterns, but with a bit of their voice in them.
Deep breath. It was over now, no matter what the nightmares could say. She was here, she was with the others. Even if there was no turning back to fix future mistakes, she was grateful. She wasn’t scared, she wasn’t terrified or anxious.
Well, she was. Her friends knew that too, she’d told them already. After all, they wanted her to be more transparent with them. She was right to be afraid, they told her. After such a long time of experiencing the same thing, of course she’d be cautious about newness.
It did little to ease her spirits. The mind was already stewing with images and thoughts of mistakes, of falling behind in school, of relationships falling apart, of-
“Homura.” A voice - Sayaka’s voice, the girl was in front of her - cut through the crashing train of thought. She was just whispering, but it felt loud. “You’re forgetting to breathe again.”
The noirette paused, bleary eyes focusing on the girl in front of her. She tuned out the thunder as best she could and instead returned to
Deep breaths. Square breathing. Four seconds in. Hold for four seconds. Four seconds out. Then four seconds without. Repeat.
“There we go.” Sayaka sighed in relief. She softly poked the hands keeping a vise grip on Homura. “Wanna try and get her off of you for a bit?”
A nod. “Please.”
It took what felt like a good minute to get the koala-like girl off of her without waking her up. They managed eventually though, and both stepped out of bed. Madoka’s room was sizeable enough to get around in, and the two soon sat down close to the windowsill. Too close for Homura’s comfort, but she could tell Sayaka had a plan of sorts.
“You were dreaming about Walpurgisnacht, right?”
Another nod. “Yes. The memory is too fresh.”
“Thought so.” Blue eyes, not unlike water, shifted towards the window, outside. The sky was barely a shade of pink, mostly showing off its grey clouds and dark forms. It was hard to tell what time it was, but Homura couldn’t be bothered to know. She had quite enough of time for now.
“You know, I used to be scared of storms too.” Sayaka continued. “No matter how much my parents reassured me that we were safe at home, that the storm couldn’t harm me, I would scream every time I heard thunder. When the apartment’s power got offed by lightning, it didn’t exactly help.”
“But you grew up eventually, did you not?” Homura asked. Where was this anecdote leading to?
“Hmh, but that wouldn’t magically make me stop fearing it. That was ‘cause of something else. A bit of advice, I guess.”
She tapped the window in rhythm with the rain. “Kyousuke once told me to start listening to the rain. Not like music, but just… like rain. Stop thinking ‘bout stuff and just let the noise wash over you, filtered by windows and walls.” Her eyes shifted back to Homura. “Wanna give that a try?”
Homura stayed silent for a moment, then closed her eyes and nodded. “...It is worth a shot, I suppose.”
And like that, she decided to listen. Instead of seeing the storm as a cacaphony of sounds, she softly coaxed them into one noise. The rumbling of thunder, the break of each raindrop, all of it became a continuous static. It wasn’t like Walpurgisnacht, no. There was no laughter, nor malevolence. It was neutral, simple. And that was what she wanted. After all these years, veering right back into perfection, into cheer, that would be horrifying. Discordant, wrong, whichever word fit. No, right now, she preferred neutrality. A feeling that the universe didn’t go one way or another, and that this all was never a cosmic joke at her expense. On some level, that sort of insignificance was a comfort.
‘The universe is, and we are’. She remembered a different Sayaka saying that, long ago. Not a clue why or how those words appeared in her mind, but she appreciated them nonetheless.
She opened her eyes again. Her face was expressionless, but Sayaka could tell it had helped. She wrapped an arm around the girl’s shoulder and smiled.
“That’s the spirit. That’s what we’re here for, yanno?” She said vaguely. “Wanna stay awake a bit longer? I dunno what time it is, but I don’t think you want to risk those nightmares again.”
“I would prefer not knowing the time. That makes moments like this better.” Was murmured in return. “It’s like a line. We pick a beginning and end, but the truth is that it’s gone on forever.”
That elicited a chuckle from Sayaka. “Talk about poetic. That doesn’t sound too bad, though. Some things should go on for a finite forever.”
“That’s not too bad either.”
“Thanks. I learned it by listening to Kyouko.”
“Taking tips on what not to do?”
“Exactly. The orangutan bit was funny, though.”
The two kept on their whispers from then, smiling to themselves and knowing this moment, unlike others, only existed to them. Even as it went on forever, until time rushed back in to fill the vacuum. The day had come, uncertain and chaotic. But that was okay, today.
–
Chrysalism.
n. the amniotic tranquillity of being indoors during a thunderstorm.
Mornden.
n. the self-contained pajama universe shared by two people on a long weekend morning, withdrawing from the world and letting the hours slow to a crawl, coming as close as they’ll ever get to pausing the flow of time, even as they know it’ll eventually rush back in all the faster.