Work Text:
-Sam’s Pov-
It had been one month since the All Valley Tournament.
One month since I lost my match with Tory.
One month since Miyagi Do had to shut down because of me.
One month since I’ve been having the same nightmare over and over again every night.
The nightmare was the worst of it because it never went away. It was my dad telling me that it was my fault that Miyagi Do had to shut down. That he had never been so disappointed in me before. It was Eli telling me that he had lost all of his confidence but still came back and won the boys division, so why couldn’t I? That he knew that I was always weak. That I would never be strong. It was Yasmine and Moon telling me that I was this awful person because I would just stand by and say nothing while they bullied others. That I wasn’t any better than them. That I was actually worse than them. And even though none of them had said this in real life, it all felt like the truth.
I should have won my match with Tory. I should have tried harder. But I didn’t. And because of that, I lost.
After what Eli went through earlier this year, being held down and getting his hair shaved off, he still came out on top and won. He did his part, so why couldn’t I?
And was I the reason why Miguel got beat up in the boys locker room the night of the Halloween dance? Because I was too blind to see that Kyler was bullying him? Was I the reason he got kicked over that railing? Because I kissed him when he was dating Tory? Was I the reason why Aisha ultimately moved away? Maybe if I never ditched her to be part of the popular crowd in the first place, she wouldn’t have joined Cobra Kai. Maybe my dad could have taught her karate instead. Maybe then she wouldn’t have gotten involved in the school fight and she would still be going to West Valley High. Hell, if I didn’t kiss Miguel at Moon’s party, then the school fight would have never happened. Was I the reason why Eli joined Cobra Kai and went down that dark path because I never stood up for him? Maybe I could have saved a lot of hurt on his part if I actually made the effort to talk to him when he was getting bullied by over half of the school. Maybe if I wasn’t so concerned with what others thought of me and sat by him at lunch then that would have made a difference. Maybe he would have joined Miyagi Do when Demetri did. He would have never trashed my dad’s dojo. He would have never stolen the Medal of Honor. He would have never broken Demetri’s arm. And he would have never been violated and got his hair shaved off.
Everything was my fault and I didn’t know what to do anymore.
And to make matters worse, when Miguel had returned from Mexico two weeks ago, he broke up with me the day after he got back. Saying that he needed to work on some things. Saying that we both needed to work on some things.
Part of me was relieved that we broke up.
But another part of me felt that I had caused Miguel all of this hurt.
I was hurt.
I was angry.
I was lost.
And I felt like I was drowning.
And I felt like no one was there to pull me out.
xxxxxxxxxx
I wasn't sure how long I had been running for, but I ended up along the sidewalk of a secluded beach. I’ve never made it this far before so I wondered how many miles I had actually ended up running. It had started to rain a few minutes ago and even though the rain was cold and I was already soaked to the bone, it felt good against my burning skin. My chest was on fire and my legs felt like jello but at least I was feeling something other than numbness I had been feeling the past month. I had been running everyday since the tournament because it was the only way to feel anything.
I was catching my breath when I saw Kyler and another nameless Cobra walking back to Kyler’s jeep. I felt anger wash through me. I hated them. I hated everything that they stood for. I hated everything that they have done. I felt my legs gravitate towards them, as if I wasn’t in control of my own body anymore.
“Hey, look who it is.” Kyler said with a smug smirk on his face as he looked at me as I came up to them. “Your boyfriend broke up with you and you already made your way through the rest of the Miyagi Dos? Wanted to move on to the Cobra’s next? I mean, I know you already went down on me at the movie theater but I’m up for it again. Was a little sloppy but hey, after sleeping with all of those other guys, you’ve had to improve a little, yeah?” Kyler asked with the smug smirk still plastered on his face as he looked at the other Cobra, who just smirked back at him.
And before I knew it, I had tackled Kyler to the ground and started to punch him in the face, over and over again. The other Cobra that was with him tore me off of him within seconds and punched me in the face before I could block it. I felt my eyes water at the impact but I blinked the tears away and kicked him in the stomach and then swept my foot under his feet, sending him crashing to the ground. Kyler then got up and tried to punch me but I blocked it and I was about to throw a punch at him when the other Cobra grabbed me from behind to where I couldn’t move my arms.
Shit. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.
Kyler then punched me in the face and I felt blood trickle from my lip.
I heard myself yelp in pain at the contact.
Definitely not a good idea.
“Why is it you Miyagi Do’s think you can mess with us Cobra’s? We held down that little bitch and shaved his hair off. Don’t think we wouldn’t do worse to you just because you’re a girl. Maybe a good ass kicking would teach you a lesson.” Kyler said as he pulled his fist back for another punch and I closed my eyes, preparing myself for another hit to the face, knowing there was no escape. His grip was too tight on me.
But the hit never came. Instead an all too familiar voice filled the air.
“Get the hell away from her!” Eli shouted.
Eli? What was he doing here?
I opened my eyes and he had Kyler by his shirt, sending a few punches to his face before sweeping his foot under his leg, causing Kyler to fall to the ground. The other Cobra then went for him from behind but I kicked him from behind, making him stumble before he turned to face me. But before he could do anything, Eli grabbed him from the back of his shirt and spun him around and punched him in the face and then in the side before he kicked him in the side, making him crash to the ground. Kyler got back up but before he could do anything, Eli did another spin kick and sent him to the ground.
“Touch a fucking hair on her head again and next time I won’t stop.” Eli spat at them before he grabbed my hand and quickly led me to his motorcycle. He must have been out driving it before it started raining.
His nostrils were flaring, something that he always did when he was upset. He brought the hem of his shirt up and gently wiped the blood that had come from my busted lip and I did my best to ignore his very defined abs that were exposed when he lifted his shirt up to do so.
Not the time to be thinking about his abs, Sam.
“Are you okay?” He asked, a hint of anger in his voice but concern was also there, too as he cupped my face with one of his hands.
I didn’t say anything but nodded my head. He gently wiped the blood away from my cut lip again before turning to grab his helmet and placed it on my head, making sure it was on snug before he got on the motorcycle. I got on after him and timidly wrapped my arms around him, never being this close to him before. And even though I had never been on a motorcycle before because I was deathly afraid of them, it felt safe. He felt safe. He then turned the motorcycle on and I felt the rumble of the engine vibrate through my body as he took off. I wrapped my arms around him tighter, as the rain hit against our exposed skin as he continued to drive down the road.
xxxxxxxxxx
Eli pulled into his driveway and gently took the helmet off of me and led me into his house, without saying a word. It was obvious he didn’t want to take me home. He probably didn’t want to explain to my dad what had happened, which I was grateful for. I didn’t want to explain it to my dad, either. And I didn’t need to add anything else to the list of things that I had done to disappoint my dad.
I had never been to his house before but it was a really beautiful house. Whatever his parents did for a living, they made lots of money, that much was clear. It also had an unexplainable warmth to it. Like when you walk through a door of a home and it smells like Thanksgiving and is filled with nothing but love and laughter.
He quietly led me to a bathroom that was upstairs, and motioned for me to sit on the bathroom counter. I hoped on, not realizing how cold I was from my rain soaked clothes until now. He grabbed a first aid kit from the cabinets across from me and I took notice of the couple cans of hairspray that he had stuffed in the back and my heart ached at what the Cobra’s had done to him. His hair had been a way that he had expressed himself for over a year and they took that from him. He silently took a cotton ball from the kit and poured some rubbing alcohol onto it.
“This might sting a little.” He told me sympathetically before he gently pressed it against my lip where it had been busted open.
I winced at the stinging.
“Sorry…” He whispered before he dipped a new one in the rubbing alcohol and pressed it against my cut.
I looked at him as he continued to hold it against my cut. He was being so gentle and careful. As if he was afraid he was going to hurt me.
“Sam…” He began, his voice slightly raspy.
I already knew what he was going to say before he even said it. It was what everyone else would have said.
What’s wrong with you?
Why do you have to keep acting out?
Why can’t you just stop causing problems?
“...you can’t put yourself in danger like that. You could have gotten seriously hurt.” He told me quietly as he dipped another cotton ball into the rubbing alcohol. “They’re ruthless, Sam…they wouldn’t have lost one bit of sleep if they put you in the hospital…”
I was surprised by his words.
Was he actually worried about me?
He threw the cotton balls away and looked at me with an unreadable expression.
What was he thinking?
“Let’s get you some dry clothes, okay?” He told me before helping me off the counter and leading me to his room.
His room was surprisingly clean other than a shirt hanging over his desk chair. There was a Star Wars poster on one wall and a Dr. Who one on the other. There were some comics stacked on his desk and next to it was a framed photo of all of us Miyagi Dos that we had taken right after he won the boys championship. He was holding his trophy up in the air and we all had huge smiles plastered on our faces. I’ve never seen him smile so big before. He was so happy. Next to that photo was a framed photo of him and Moon. I don’t know why, but I felt a pang of jealously wash through me when I looked at it. My eyes then roamed over to his dresser, where his trophy was sitting and I found myself feeling a mix of emotions at it. Happy for him but angry at myself that I was unable to do my part.
“Here, the shirt will probably be a little big, but Moon left a pair of her shorts here the other day. Hopefully they will do until your clothes get dried.” He said as he handed me a black shirt with a red design on it and a pair of black shorts.
Moon’s shorts…
Another pang of unexplained jealousy went through me.
She was his girlfriend, Sam. Of course she’s going to leave clothes here. Miguel left clothes at your place all the time when you were together. Just be happy that he’s giving you clothes that somewhat fit and not making you stay in your wet clothes.
“Thanks, Eli…” I told him with the smallest smile that I could muster as I took them from him.
“I’ll um, I’ll go change in the bathroom…you can change in here if you want. And if you put your clothes outside the door, I’ll put them in the dryer for you so you don’t have to dry them at home.” He told me before he turned to leave.
Once the door was closed, I stripped off my wet clothes and put the dry clothes on. The shirt hit about mid thigh, and luckily Moon and I were about the same size, so they fit almost perfectly, even though his shirt covered the shorts completely. I then dumped my wet clothes outside of his door but found myself still cold from the rain. Surely he wouldn’t mind if I borrowed one of his hoodies, too. It wasn’t like I was going to keep it.
I went to his closet and found a few hoodies hanging up. I went to grab a gray one and smiled to myself recognizing it as the one from the day we got into all of those fights at school last year. I was so angry with him after he destroyed Demetri’s science project and after getting out of a detention that he deserved. How things have changed since then. We no longer wanted to kill each other but there was still something between us that I quite couldn’t explain.
I was about to grab the hoodie from the hanger when a red hoodie, that was hung up right next to it, fell off its hanger. I bent down to pick it up but when I did, I saw that it had landed on a box of other clothes, his green striped sweater being on top. I ran my fingers across it, remembering when he used to wear it before he became Hawk. I always thought he looked adorable in it, even though I never told anyone that. And it always looked so comfortable. I was always curious what it felt like. I hung the red hoodie back up and ran my fingers across the sweater again, feeling its soft fibers.
What the hell.
I was cold and needed a sweatshirt. Surely he wouldn’t mind if I wore this one.
I tugged the green sweater over my head, wrapping my arms around myself, feeling the instant warmth and comfort of it. I walked out of his closet and went over to his desk and grabbed the framed photo of all of the Miyagi Dos and sat down on his bed as I ran my fingers over the photo. So many emotions that day.
“Hey, so-” Eli began when he got back into the room but stopped.
I looked at him and he was wearing a white shirt and a pair of black shorts and I felt my heart skip a beat.
Why was it that my heart was doing that more and more everytime that I was around him?
And why did he always have to look so dang attractive?
“Sorry, I was cold…I hope you don’t mind…” I told him as I looked down at the sweater.
“No, it’s okay. Looks better on you than it ever did on me.” He told me with a smile.
That’s debatable…
He came over and sat on the bed, keeping a foot in between us, but my heart still fluttered at his closeness.
Come on Sam, get it together…
I realized he was looking at the photo that I had in my hands and I smiled.
“I remember how happy I was when you won. It was like things were finally going right…” I told him but then found myself frowning.
“You know you can’t keep blaming yourself, princess.” He told me quietly.
My heart skipped a beat at his words.
He hadn’t called me princess since we were at each other's throats last year.
I didn’t say anything as I kept looking at the photo.
“What happened, sucked. It did, but we all know you should have gotten that point, Sam. You should have won. That ref didn’t know what he was doing.” He told me but then added, “you can’t keep blaming yourself. And your dad did say that he was working on getting a friend to help him train us so we can open Miyagi Do back up again.”
I felt my eyes fill with tears.
“Doesn’t matter…I’m not going back to karate…” I told him, feeling my throat tighten.
“You don’t mean that…you lost a match. So what? You get back up and keep fighting.”
“It’s just not that…”I told him. “I’ve screwed up a lot of things, Eli. If it wasn’t for me, then I could have saved a lot of people from a lot of pain.” I told him as tears threatened to fall.
Don’t cry Sam. Don’t you dare do it.
“Well, I’m pretty sure I have you beat on that, princess. I did a lot of things last year that were pretty shitty.” He told me with a small chuckle.
I picked at a loose thread on his sweater, not wanting to look at him because I knew if I did I would just lose it.
“I’m a terrible person, Eli…” I whispered.
“What? Sam, no, you’re not…”
“I am…I was the reason why Miguel got kicked over the railing…if I didn’t kiss him at Moon’s party then the school fight wouldn’t have happened…I was too blind to realize that Kyler was bullying you, Demetri and Miguel…and I didn’t even say anything to defend you guys when you got bullied on a daily basis. I just sat there because I was too damn afraid of them making fun of me, too.” I said as a tear escaped my eye.
Shit.
“I mean, who does that?” I said, finally looking at him. “Who just sits by and does nothing when a sweet guy like you is getting bullied over something that you couldn’t control? You never did anything to hurt anyone. If…if I would have said something, stood up for you, or just sat by you at unch, then I could have saved you from all of that pain, Eli. I could have prevented you from joining Cobra Kai. You and Demetri wouldn’t have had that rough patch. You wouldn’t have trashed my dad’s dojo and stole the Medal of Honor. You wouldn’t have broken Demetri’s arm…you wouldn’t have gotten your mohawk shaved off…” I choked out. “I’m so sorry, Eli…”
The tears were now falling and he scooted closer to me and pulled me into an embrace and I let everything out as I buried my head into his chest as he lightly rubbed my back.
“Hey, it’s okay. You have nothing to be sorry for.” He whispered into my wet hair as he continued to rub my back.
I’m not sure how much time had passed, seconds or maybe minutes, but I pulled out of the embrace and looked at him. His blue eyes were soft and he brought his hands up to my face and gently wiped the tears from my face.
“You know what I think?” He asked as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “I think no matter what would have happened, I was going to join Cobra Kai. Miguel was already involved in it and I think it was just inevitable that I was going to end up there anyways. And, as much as I hate to say it, I think I needed to go through everything that I went through to be where I am today. I wasn’t happy before I joined karate and I wasn’t happy when I was in Cobra Kai, either. I thought I was, but I wasn’t. I was miserable after I turned into a complete asshole. But after I joined Miyagi Do…for the first time, I’m finally happy and comfortable with who I am.”
I looked at him before looking down again, confused at his words. He wasn’t mad at me. He wasn’t angry with me. But why?
“Why aren’t you mad at me? Or yelling at me? Everyone thinks I’ve gone crazy…” I told him as I started to pick at the loose thread on his sweater again.
He then took his hand and placed it under my chin, tilting it upward so I was looking at him.
“Because I understand the guilt, Sam. I understand the pain. I blamed myself for what happened to Miguel when he got kicked over that railing…I told myself that if I didn’t try to pick a fight with Demetri that day then I could have helped Miguel out and he wouldn’t have gotten kicked over that railing. But trust me, you can’t keep on blaming yourself. Because it will just lead to more guilt and what happened today with the Cobra’s will just be the start. You’ll just get more angry and you’ll take that anger out on people and cause more harm than good. Trust me, I’ve been there and it’s not pretty. And it’s pretty fucking hard to pull yourslf out once you get so deep. You become someone that you’re not. You feel lost. You feel like you’re-”
“Drowing.” I finished for him.
“Yeah…”
I looked at him and for the first time since the tournament, I felt like someone actually understood what I was going through. And for the first time, I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
“I’ll always be here for you, Sam, no matter how much we want to kill each other at times.” He said with a light laugh. “And I think you need to correct yourself. I know when you kicked KyIer’s ass in the theater, you were defending Miguel. So you did stand up for him. You weren’t always just standing by doing nothing.”
Wait.
He didn’t know…
A few beats of silence go by before I say anything.
“I broke up with him because of you…I saw what he said and did to you in the library that day. And it made me so angry…I wish I would have said something then, but I didn’t…when we got to the movies I told him I saw what he did to you and he acted like he was just joking around with you guys…and it made me even more angry. And that’s when I broke up with him…and busted out a karate move on him for good measure….” I added with a small chuckle. “I always thought your scar looked pretty badass. I mean, you’ve heard of the phrase chicks dig scars, right?”
I looked at him and he was looking at me with an unreadable expression again.
“What?” I asked with a small smile.
He smiled a small smile at me.
“Nothing…it’s just, you never fail to surprise me.” He told me, a smile still on his face. “Miguel was an idiot to break up with you…” He told me after another beat.
We locked gazes and I felt my heart beat wildly in my chest. This was something that I never felt with Miguel or Robby. And it scared me. This was Eli. The guy that I hated last year. But here he was, helping me and understanding what I was going through when no one else did. I continued to look at him and I had the sudden urge to kiss him.
How his lips would feel against mine.
How his hands would feel threaded in my hair.
How his hand would feel on my hip as he tugged me closer to him.
No, Sam.
You can’t think like that.
He’s dating Moon.
Not you.
I had noticed that it had stopped raining outside and knew this would be the perfect opportunity to leave. Because I needed to go before I did something stupid.
I shook my head and cleared my throat.
“Right, um, thanks for listening to me rant…um, I better get going…” I said as I got up from the bed.
“Oh…right, yeah.” He said as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll drive you.” He added as he got up from the bed too.
Oh no. I couldn’t let him drive me home on that motorcycle of his again. With me having my arms wrapped around his waist. Nope. That was just asking for me to do something stupid.
Like kiss him.
“No!” I said, almost a little too loudly. “I mean, I only live a few blocks away. I’ll just walk.”
“Sam, it’s really no big deal.” He told me as he stuffed his phone into his pocket.
“No, it’s fine. Really. I should walk…you know, to clear my mind…after what happened with the Cobra’s.” I told him as I walked closer to his door. “I promise to not get into a fight on the way home.” I added with a smile.
He looked at me and he looked almost disappointed that I was not wanting him to drive me home.
But it had to be my eyes playing tricks on me.
Because he was dating Moon.
He liked Moon.
Not me.
“Yeah, okay.” He told me with a small frown.
Again, my eyes were playing tricks on me.
“Thanks again. For the dry clothes. And for listening…I appreciate it.” I told him with a grateful smile.
“It’s no problem, princess. I’m always here for you if you need to talk.”
We locked gazes again.
Okay, Sam, you need to go.
I gave him another small smile before I turned to walk out of the bedroom, my heart still beating wildly in my chest.
Why was he having this effect on me?
“Sam?”
“Yeah?” I asked as I turned around to face him.
“Just so you know, you kicked ass at the tournament. I mean, you always kick ass whenever you fight…but you shouldn’t give up on karate just because you didn’t win your match against Tory. If you ever want to spar to get back into karate, I’m game. We’d make a pretty badass team.” He told me with a smirk.
I looked at him and gave him a small smile.
“Yeah, okay…I might have to take you up on that.” I told him with a small smile before I left his room.
I walked out of his room and placed my heart over my heart that was still beating wildly in my chest.
Oh no.
I was catching feelings for Eli Moskowitz.
And it scared the hell out of me.