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Chapter Text

Shadow hadn’t exactly planned to spend his day dodging scrap metal raining down around him, but both Sonic and his nemesis seemed to have other plans for him.

“What are you even doing here, Shadow?” Sonic questioned, his voice both harsh and confused, as if he wasn’t sure what to think about the ultimate lifeform’s presence.

“It’s none of your business, hedgehog.” Shadow’s voice was a snarl, a warning, and Sonic realized it a second too late. Shadow’s knee connected with his opponent’s back, the air crackling with energy from his chaos control moments before. Sonic whipped around just in time to get struck again, this time in the chest with Shadow’s fist. He leaped backward, hissing in annoyance. 

“I think it definitely is my business, considering that the street is on fire and Eggman is currently using his flamethrower bots for more illegal and nefarious deeds,” Sonic quipped dryly. 

“Why are you fighting me, then? I’m not working with him today.” Shadow snapped, preparing to strike again. “Maybe tomorrow, but my schedule is booked.”

“You literally just punched me.”

“That’s beside the point.” 

Sonic groaned in frustration. “Can we have a temporary truce if you don’t want to fight now? I have more important things to beat up.” His point was punctuated by a whirring propeller behind his head. Shadow sighed, releasing the bolt of chaos energy to impale it through the middle. 

Sonic glanced warily at the pile of sparking wires on the scorched ground. “Is that a yes?”

“It’s a ‘shut up, I don’t care enough to let myself be bothered by your nonsense right now,’” Shadow grumbled, turning away from Sonic. “And by the way, I’m always the most important thing to beat up.” Before the blue hedgehog could respond, his boots kicked into action and he vanished in a blur. 

At least, he would have if he hadn’t heard a cry he almost recognized. 

Shadow skidded to a stop, not sure why his heart clenched a little in his chest. Sonic could handle this. This wasn’t his job. In fact, Shadow insisted upon turning up his nose at saving others, especially when Sonic was there to do it for him. He had a reputation to uphold, anyway. But the little rabbit was recoiling from a robot with sharp teeth glinting in the sunlight, backing towards a wall. Shadow clenched his teeth. 

The robot advanced and he heard Eggman cackle in the background, making him realize that Sonic was currently preoccupied. A jab of “You weren’t fast enough!” echoed past him. 

Before he could stop himself, he was running, reaching for the little rabbit and the chao she was cuddling close. The metal jaws were closing in but so was he. 

His fist connected with steel and the force of the punch surprised even him. The badnik was sent flying backward with enough power to shatter a window. Luckily for him, it was flying straight toward Eggman, who let a surprised yell escape him before diving out of the way. 

Sonic was looking at him, his eyes widened in surprise at the fist hovering protectively near the rabbit’s shoulder. Shadow met his gaze with a challenge, hoping his expression conveyed the message he was trying to send. Don’t ask, prick . 

(The alarming part was that if Sonic did ask why he had saved the little rabbit, Shadow wouldn’t know the answer.) 

Sonic seemed to be contemplating something, still staring at him, and suddenly Shadow felt vulnerable, naked, as if it wasn’t just Sonic’s irises on him but the entirety of Hedgehog Village’s. Instinctively, he recoiled back.

His leg bumped into the little rabbit and he almost tripped, hissing in surprise. 

The rabbit blinked up at him. “Oh, sorry!” Her voice was surprisingly cheery despite having almost been bitten in two. 

Her little chao squeaked, trembling with fear. Shadow realized that guns were probably pointed at them, or at the very least several badniks were currently making them their next target. “Here, grab my hand.” He said before he could stop himself, extending it. Something inside him told him that the rabbit and her pet were in danger, and another part of his subconscious insisted that he had to care about her.

He still couldn’t shake that strange familiarity. It was almost as if there was something on the very tip of his tongue, a dislodged memory from a time long ago. Damn it, I thought I stopped having those dreams . 

It surprised him that the rabbit gripped his hand instantly. Such innocent trust , he thought. He should have laughed at that, should have scorned it, but it just made him feel anxious and melancholy. She’s in danger. Just like…

A name scratched at his temporal lobe. He shook it away. Now was not the time. “Chaos Control!” He shouted, gripping tightly to the rabbit’s hand to make sure she was with him as they teleported to a calm, sandy beach, far from the flaming streets of the village and bullets raining. 

“Woah!” The rabbit bounced on the balls of her feet, and Shadow noted that she forgot to let go of his hand. “That was so cool! ” She turned to Shadow, stars in her eyes. “I’m Cream, and this is Cheese! Thanks for saving us!” Her chao let out an affirming chirp, hopping from its place in Cream’s palm to the ground. 

Shadow felt something warm bubble inside him, and it made him recoil. What was that? Why had Cream thanked him? Why did she sound genuine ?

“...Whatever.” He mumbled, looking away and letting his hand fall from Cream’s. “I’m Shadow. You should probably get home. What were you doing out alone anyway?”

“I was just walking Cheese when those robots started to attack.” Cream frowned, pulling Cheese close. “I don’t like it when Eggman shows up, but Sonic usually stops him. Why did you kick Mr. Sonic earlier, anyway?”

Shadow blinked. “...We don’t really get along well.”

Cream tilted her head. “But he’s a hero!”

“I don’t ally myself with heroes or villains. I work alone. I don’t need anybody else.”

“Don’t you have friends?”

“I don’t need them.”

“But do you want them?” Cream began to stim, flapping her hands excitedly, extra energy bubbling forth from her like an overflowing fountain. “Me and Cheese could be your friends, if you wanted!”

This was too much. The realization of what he had done suddenly struck him like lightning. He had let himself, for a brief moment, care about someone.

“Let’s get you home, Cream.” His voice sounded hollow. He couldn’t let himself get attached. Attachments were supposed to make people weak. Sonic was a prime example. 

And Sonic’s the only one who can compete with you , a nagging voice reminded him. He shook it off, teleporting himself, Cream, and Cheese back to the village. By now, Eggman was screeching defeat as robots rained to the ground around him. The fire was being put out by Tails with some sort of hovering firetruck, and Amy was helping citizens out of danger. 

He looked away. “Go talk to Amy. She’ll help you get home safely.”

“Oh. Ok.” Cream sounded almost disappointed. Shadow didn’t want to think about what that would imply. He made a mental note to stay away from the little rabbit. It was the best thing to do, for both of them. “Thanks for saving us, Mr. Shadow!”

Shadow grunted in acknowledgement, turning towards the forest. He could feel Cream’s eyes linger on him for a bit before her feet pattered away. Before the nagging voice in his brain could complain, he darted off into the forest, following that instinctual urge to escape . 

He ran for what felt like hours but must have been only a few minutes, skidding to a stop. A sharp pain tolled in his brain, ringing like a clock tower, a blaring bell, an alarm clock. He screwed his eyes shut, stifiling a cry of discomfort, hands flying to his temples, as the sting increased tenfold. 

In a flash of light, everything around him was dark, empty, save for pinprick lights of stars in the empty void. He hated it , hated the way being in such an open space, in every sense of the word, made him feel. Cream’s voice echoed back to him, repeating over and over like a broken record. Thanks for saving us! Thanks for saving us! Thanks for saving us! We could be your friends, if you wanted! Friends! Friends! 

Shadow forced his eyes open, anger and despair flaring inside him, though he didn’t know where it came from. With a shout, his fist connected with a tree trunk, crackling with chaos energy, and everything bundled inside him materialized in roots being ripped from the ground, the tree snapping in two like a twig. 

He stared at it, breathing hard. It was too much, what had happened. He didn’t need friends. The idea of being close to someone just made him feel like he was in space, nothing around him, flailing for purchase in the empty void, floating aimlessly. 

He wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

Shadow turned away from the splintered, ruined tree trunk laying on the ground, from the crushed grass and flowers beneath it. With a clenched fist and a flash of blue energy, he disappeared. 

Chapter Text

Shadow didn’t live in a cave. 

He was much too civilized for that. The smooth stone walls of his abode were homely, the cool floor was much better than a pillow that got unnecessarily warm and punctured easily when met with his quills, and only a few spiders skittered around in the corners. Their webs made good decoration and complimented the flickering lanterns haphazardly pushed into corners. Sometimes, when he was really pissed(which happened often, particularly after days spent aiming kicks at grip-taped ankles) he yelled at them. 

Ok, maybe it was a cave. But it was in a secluded area! Plus, he did have a balcony, and there were some aesthetic factor points when its location halfway up a massive cliffside overlooking a vast forest was considered. The entrance to his home was level with the treetops, and he could easily leap into the waiting limbs of a giant broadleaf evergreen and swing from a well-placed vine to the ground. The location was peaceful and clever, and Shadow relished it, although most of the time he spent at his home was sleeping(or crocheting, but no one needed to know that). 

He enjoyed the loneliness that he isolated himself in, the crickets chirping in the night, and the silence that followed. The landscape was peaceful, and though he had a disdain for the stars that speckled the blanket of the night sky, sunsets in their splashes of bright oranges and reds were sometimes pleasant to watch.

Which was why Shadow was so irritated when he was awoken by a piercing yell at some ungodly hour of the morning. He shot up with a groan, quills rising in resentment and annoyance sparking in his veins. He squinted towards the cave entrance, checking the position of the sun. Who in their right mind is up screaming their lungs out at 11 am? Some people are trying to sleep, asshole. 

He stumbled towards the open maw, still half-asleep and fully prepared to yell at some random animal and/or toddler who had been foolish enough to wake him, pulling on his gloves and brushing back his quills. 

There were explosions now. Great . What was Eggman doing? He better not blow up the front yard… If he brings down the property value I’ll slaughter him myself . 

“Wow, you’re slow!” A familiar voice commented dryly and Shadow groaned. It’s far too early for this , he thought, sticking his head out to assess the situation. Sure enough, Sonic was running in circles and figure-eights around the forest, leaping from tree to rock to vine to tree, and Eggman was giving chase, roaring some empty threat about bombs or flamethrowers. Shadow growled, clenching his fists in annoyance.

“That was an illegal left, by the way!” Sonic chortled.

“Hey, that’s my line!”

He leaped from the cave’s maw towards the forest, ignoring whatever quarrel the adversaries were having, and reached for a vine on the way down, gripping it and swinging forward. Sonic, of course, didn’t see him coming until Shadow intercepted him mid-spindash, kicking him to the dirt. “Some people are trying to sleep , hedgehog,” he snarled, landing in a fighting stance. Sonic sputtered in surprise, rolling into a position to match his own. “Also, Eggman, don’t set the trees on fire. I just trimmed them yesterday.”

Eggman blinked. “Wait, you live here?”

“Do you live in a cave?” Sonic snorted, spitting dust out of his mouth.

“It is not a cave , hedgehog, and you’d do well to respect my living conditions,” Shadow snapped, fists crackling with chaos energy. “Also, I don’t have to pay for home insurance, so who’s better now?”

“You’re probably gonna wish you had insurance after this,” Sonic commented dryly, diving out of the way of a laser that left an ugly scorched patch in his ornamental grasses.

“What did I just say, Doctor?” Shadow growled, turning toward Eggman. His opponent cackled, responding with another button press and a laser aimed directly at him. Shadow dodged effortlessly but failed to prevent another burn mark on his property, this time singing a tree trunk. 

“Oops.” Eggman cackled, meeting Shadow’s livid gaze with his typical ‘I’m being an asshole and you can’t stop me’ smirk. Shadow snarled, and Eggman had to maneuver quickly to dodge the chaos spear that nearly sliced his hovership in half. “Ok, rude.”

“Wow. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Sonic poked, having launched himself at Eggman in the doctor’s distraction. 

“And whose fault is that?” Shadow barked at the same time, inhibitors beginning to glow as his irritation crackled into energy licking up his limbs. “You two are fighting at ungodly hours.”

“That’s his fault,” Sonic landed on Eggman’s ship and he screamed, narrowly dodging a kick to the nose. “ He was the one who had to monologue through a megaphone on my roof at ten am.”

The doctor managed to push Sonic off him, sending him flailing to the ground with a squeak, and in the same instant had a gun pointed at his chest. “If you break my frames I will burn your house down!” he shouted indignantly. “Do you even know how much they cost?”

“And this is why I pay for home insurance,” Sonic muttered, darting out of the way and skidding to a stop next to Shadow, hands curled into fists. With a wordless glance, an unsteady alliance was made. 

Shadow launched himself in the air, sending a punch directly into the hood of Eggman’s robot. It dented the metal, and wires began to spark. With a midair turnaround and a shout of “Chaos Blast!” the vehicle, along with a screaming Eggman, was sent flying directly towards the cliff face. Sonic met it halfway, and, with a well-timed kick, drilled it into the ground. 

“My frames !” Eggman cried in despair, reaching up to adjust the now-mangled glasses on his face. “You asshole! My evil glasses company takes weeks to respond!”

“You’re crushing my grass,” Shadow snarled. 

Eggman pouted at him. “You’re crushing my heart,” he bemoaned.

Sonic landed on the ground next to him, adjusting his quills. “That was sick , Shadow!” he exclaimed, advancing cautiously towards Eggman.

“Don’t think about it too much, hedgehog,” Shadow growled. “And Doctor? You’re paying for my lawn service.”

“You’ll pay for this!” Eggman barked, throwing something that looked like a stick at the uneasy allies.

Shadow squinted. “I just said you w-”

The stick exploded. 

Light. It was so bright , everything around him. He tried to close his eyes, opening his mouth for a surprised cry, but nothing escaped and the sun was burned into the backs of his eyelids. 

The second thing he noticed was pain, although muted. It felt so… unfamiliar, as if his limbs weren’t his own… no, that wasn’t it. He could still feel his arms, but could also sense a muffled ache from somewhere else, tickling at his brain. His bones felt floaty and dislocated, and for a moment he felt like he was drowning.

Couldn’t he swim?

Why was he so afraid?

He became aware of the ringing in his ears as soon as it began to fade. 

The fourth thing he noticed was that he could definitely feel something new, like a feedback loop in his brain, a pull at the cords of his soul, the drawing of a bow across his heartstrings. Shadow suddenly felt the urge to curl up into a ball and hide inside his quills. 

His eyesight returned, but with it came a sinking feeling that someone was watching him. Studying him. There was another heart beating in his chest. 

He leaped to his feet with a snarl, everything still blurry. “What was that? ” Shadow’s voice was sharper than usual. Dangerous . Even Sonic flinched backward, still on the ground. 

Eggman frowned, looking down and rummaging through compartments in his ship. His eyes widened. “Oh shit.”

Sonic stumbled to his feet, glaring at the doctor. “That was low, even for you.”

“That…uhh, may have been the wrong bomb.”

“What the hell do you mean, the wrong bomb?” Shadow growled, advancing towards Eggman. Anger seethed in his veins, rivaled closely by something akin to fear. He pushed it away. 

“Wait! I need to test something.” Eggman adjusted his shattered frames again as if it would help him see better. “Punch him.”

Shadow blinked. “ What ?”

“Sorry, Doc, but I think both of us are set on punching you at the moment.” Sonic snapped, and Shadow could hear the irritation in his voice and also somewhere else. He shook his head to clear it.

“Come on!” The doctor groaned. “It’s for science! I’ll pay you compensation!” He wagged his fingers.

“This has gone on long enough.” Shadow snarled, taking another dangerous step forward.

Eggman grumbled. “I have to do everything around here,” he muttered, and before Shadow could react a gunshot. 

He hissed in pain. The laser had just grazed him, but it still stung, and he instinctively gripped the wound it left on his arm. “You dare- ”

Shadow stopped. The laser hadn’t hit him. In fact, it had hit Sonic, right on his lower left arm. 

So why does my arm feel like it just got shot ? 

He whipped around, fear climbing up his throat, and he suddenly became hyper-aware of something new. It was like a sixth sense, feeling the confusion that emitted from Sonic’s fur in waves as if it was his own. 

“What did you do?! ” Shadow snarled.

Eggman gulped. “I may have accidentally soulbound you.” 

Shadow could feel Sonic’s eyes on him, as well as the perplexion that rolled from his fur like fog, and he suddenly realized that if he could feel Sonic’s emotions, there was a good chance that Sonic could feel his as well.

Fear jolted in his heart, climbed up his throat, and choked him. He couldn’t meet Sonic’s eyes but he could tell that the blue hedgehog was surprised. It frightened him that he didn’t know if it was because he realized he could sense the other’s emotions or his reaction to the fact that Shadow was terrified. 

“Soulbound?” Sonic asked as if the trees weren’t falling around them, as if everything wasn’t closing in fast because Sonic was in his head , probing through his brain like a worm through an apple, and Shadow was powerless to stop him. 

“It’s a connection of the wavelengths of your electromagnetic emissions, among other things, that creates a bond between the cells and nerves in your brains.” Eggman scratched his head. “You should be able to feel each other’s pain and strong emotions, among other things. It was still in beta-testing, but it looks like it was a success!”

“So that’s what that is.” Sonic’s voice was quiet, and suddenly it was too much for Shadow, his breathing quickening. He could sense something new coming from the hedgehog. Concern. Concern for him . 

He hated it.

With a growl, he vanished in a flash of Chaos energy, but even on the other side of the island, it was still there . That phantom heartbeat, a jolt of sadness and irritation and regret and unease that wasn’t his own, the stinging echo of a laser beam that didn’t leave a scar on his fur but ached all the same. His breathing quickened. 

Get out get out get OUT OF MY HEAD.

Chapter Text

The girl was smiling at him. 

The girl was smiling at him, and Shadow had no idea who she was. 

She was young, short. Her sky eyes were shining. They reminded him of Cream’s, and surprisingly, Sonic’s. Her hair was blond, and her dress was blue, and Shadow suddenly realized that he loved her. 

He loved her, and it was terrifying . 

Who even was she? He frantically searched his memories, scraped his mind for any sign of this child who he somehow knew, somehow was attached to, and came up blank. 

“It’s so pretty.” She breathed, and Shadow realized she wasn't staring at him but past him. He turned.

Below them was the planet, glittering in a thousand blues and greens and whites and browns, and he had to stifle a gasp of surprise because it was beautiful, breathtaking even. The oceans glittered, sparkling beneath wispy clouds, and mountains were reduced to anthills. The view of the sphere below him made everything seem so small and insignificant, and Shadow wondered what his heart was beating so fast for, why he was worrying so much. What was he anxious about again?

He looked back and she was gone, and suddenly his arms were bound to his sides and they were reaching for him, gloved hands and white coats and faces masked because they couldn’t touch him with their bare hands, couldn’t be near him with expression unhidden. Shadow shrank away, nothing less than pure, unbridled terror shooting up his spine, making his fingers tremble, because he couldn’t escape. He was trapped and there was a needle and a scalpel and his screams were muffled by a muzzle over his mouth. 

Shadow tried to close his eyes but couldn’t, forced to watch as the needle entered his arm, feeling the cold, sharp pain as something burning entered his bloodstream, traveled up his limbs, and snaked throughout his entire body, stinging and pricking, a thousand pins piercing his bones, slicing at his tissue-

His eyes burst open. It was dark, and the cave floor was cool.

In. Out. 

He growled in frustration, feeling his heart going hundreds of miles per hour, his still-frantic breathing, the rise and fall of his chest. 

Why does this keep happening?

In. Out.

Shadow hated the nightmares, hated how powerless they made him feel, hated the way he always woke up trembling, shaken. He punched the floor, letting out a snarl of aggravation at no one in particular except himself. 

He wasn’t exactly certain when he started running or where he was running to, but the cave walls suddenly felt like they were closing in and he was filled with the need to escape, to leap from hilltops and glide inches over the water, letting the spray tickle his feet. There was something so freeing in the action of just aimlessly moving his legs, pushing himself faster and farther until everything around him blurred into a million colors, and he could tell himself to just let the shakiness of his step fly away in the wind. 

Shadow’s not sure when Sonic appeared next to him, effortlessly matching his pace, but it was a welcome distraction, urging his legs to move faster. They locked eyes, just for a second, and suddenly Shadow could feel Sonic’s determination as if it was his own, the certainty that he would be the victor, and he pushed himself farther. Sonic’s eyes narrowed, a silent answer to his call. 

“Shadow-”

“Shut up and give me a challenge , hedgehog.” His voice was a snarl, and Sonic could surely feel the unease in his heart. The silent question, what are you running from now? hung heavily in the air like fog, an ominous cloud on the horizon, but Shadow was no stranger to pushing away his problems until they solved themselves. 

The welcome burning of the muscles in his legs was twice as intense as usual, and he was reminded of just what he had gotten himself into. He didn’t want to think about it, couldn’t think about it right now, so he just kept sprinting, leaping over fences and skidding under bent tree trunks, focusing on the blue blur in his peripheral vision. 

When he was running the awareness was more intense, he noted. The feel of Sonic’s spirit clashing against his own was almost electric. For a moment, he wasn’t so afraid of his emotions being read because it was the blue hedgehog reading them, the oblivious, hotheaded, fight-don’t-talk character he was. 

The heat was building, now. When had that begun, the tension that sparked when their eyes met? Sonic had an unreadable expression but Shadow could sense his emotions nonetheless, a wireless signal. Anticipation, suspense, a heaviness in the air, clouding around them, fogging his vision. He swallowed, momentarily wondering if this was a good idea, but he couldn’t back down now. One thing he’d become an expert at was being stubborn. 

They were walking a tightrope of glass, feet poised. He wondered if Sonic was reaching out a hand to steady him or to push him into the flaming pit below. 

He growled and leaped. The hedgehog would not decide his destiny for him. 

Below him, the tightrope snapped. He dove, pulled back into reality(blurred as it was), aiming for Sonic’s legs. His adversary yelped in surprise as they were knocked out of the sound barrier, brought back to a cheetah’s pace as they sparred. Shadow could feel Sonic’s legs pressed against his chest, and the ghost of pain from where his hand crackling with chaos energy struck Sonic’s ankles. 

Sonic kneed him in the chest and doubled over in response, groaning. Shadow smirked, teleporting to escape his grasp. “That hurt !” the blue hedgehog hissed. 

Shadow rolled his eyes. “No shit,” he snarled, teleporting above his opponent, foot meeting shoulder. Pain snapped up his arm and he stifled a gasp. That’ll take some getting used to . 

“Stop hitting yourself,” Sonic snarked, stumbling backward. His voice was reeking with pride. 

“You think you’re so funny.” Shadow effortlessly dodged a spin-dash aimed straight for his forehead. 

“How can you tell?”

“Oh, I wonder .” Anger flared in his chest. Sonic snorted, amusement flashing in his tone and lighting up the air around him. “This is your fault, anyway.”

“Hey, you’re the one that decided you had to interrupt our fight.”

“Only because you were screeching your lungs out at unholy hours of the morning!”

Sonic rolled his eyes, ducking under a punch aimed between his eyes. “ Please . I had everything under control.”

“Uh-huh.” Shadow’s elbow connected with fur and a flare of Sonic’s pain swelled up his arm. He smirked in satisfaction at the irritation oozing from the wound. 

“Well, you try to fix it, then!” Sonic retaliated with a jab at his side, wincing when it hit home. “I’d like to see you beat that Egghead all by yourself!”

“As if the doctor even knows how his own technology works,” Shadow snapped, vanishing and reappearing above Sonic’s head. “I’ve seen him accidentally throw Orbot into lava before. I’m not sure he even knows how electromagnetic emissions work.”

“Do you?” Sonic rolled out of the way before Shadow’s boots could make an imprint on his stomach. 

Shadow slid into a semi-awkward landing, quickly going on the defensive against Sonic’s raised fists. “Better than he does, at least!” 

(Maybe he’s not sure where the knowledge came from in the first place, but he’d be damned if he didn’t brag about it nonetheless.)

Sonic dove at Shadow’s chest, and Shadow grabbed his hands halfway, using his momentum against him to send him tumbling to the ground. Before his opponent could react(and before Shadow could stop himself), Sonic’s hands were affixed tightly above his head and Shadow’s legs were wrapped around his midsection, pinning him to the ground. 

They froze. 

There was so much emotion , heat, tension clouding the air. It was intoxicating, the energy that both could feel flowing between them, around them, like wispy fog, licking flames up limbs, the crackling of thunder, the fizzing of hot coals hitting water. The moment froze over in an instant and both were afraid to move, afraid to shatter whatever they’d made, and their hearts were almost in sync, beating against one another, pulsing, only separated by two layers of fur and flesh. Sonic was so warm , Shadow realized, and in the next moment, he recognized the colors that were circling them, turning everything into a blur except for the emerald of Sonic’s eyes. 

Confusion. Fervor. Expectancy. Opia. Heedlessness. Something almost akin to familiarity. 

And, connecting it all, an inexplicable want . 

Shadow flinched and everything shattered. 

Sonic’s hand gripped his arm as he leaped to his feet, turned away. His heart rate increased. “Shadow.”

“Sonic,” Shadow growled, dangerously low despite the dread that swelled in his chest. It was a warning, but when had Sonic ever heeded those?

“We should probably talk about this.” 

“What’s there to talk about?” His voice was a snarl, thorny and prickling with hostility, everything suddenly balancing on a knife’s edge. He pulled his arm away, preparing to teleport.

“You’re scared,” Sonic said pointedly, and he stopped. “You’re scared of me .”

Shadow turned to look at him, forcing his eyesight to harden, freeze over. “I’d never be scared of anyone, especially not you ,” he spat. “You’re weak. You’re pathetic .”

Sonic tilted his head, grinning. “Well then, you’re afraid I’ll make you weak.”

He stiffened, turned away. After a moment, he spoke up, his voice quieter than usual. There was no way Sonic couldn’t feel the dread oozing from him, the fear marching endlessly in his chest. 

He’s seeing right through me.

“This has gone on long enough,” Shadow growled. “I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone . I’ll fix this myself.”

“Shadow, wait-” Sonic reached for his arm a moment too late, the flash of blue light bringing with it an awful sense of finality. He sighed, pinching at his forearm. 

Shadow rubbed his arms, trying to scrub Sonic’s concern from his fur. Disgusting . He thought, trying to ignore the feeling of a thousand eyes watching him, of a gloved hand wrapped around his wrist. 

A small sting pricked his forearm, right at the base of his wrist. His eyes hardened. 

I’ll wipe that stupid, insolent smirk off of your face, once and for all.

Chapter Text

Shadow would never be caught dead at a tea party. 

(And for your information, this was a business meeting. Which just happened to be between him and a child in a field watching the sunset with warm chamomile in cups so delicate he was afraid his fingers would shatter them. He wasn’t built for fragile things.)

“That one looks like a fish!” Cream pointed at a cloud marching across the sunlit sky, crooked-toothed smile wide. 

Shadow squinted. “More of a whale, I think.”

One of the chaos squeaked. “Chocola thinks it’s a hand waving at us!” Cream waved back, and something trembled in Shadow’s chest. There was a softness in Cream’s voice that had an almost stinging familiarity. 

He wondered if Sonic could feel the muted ache in his heart; a time he yearned to remember but wasn’t strong enough. He shook the thought away instantly, reminded of what Sonic would think of him if he saw him now. Of what he might already be certain. 

He took a sip of his tea. Cheese watched him with wide eyes, and Cream blinked. “Do you like it?”

Shadow swallowed. “It’s adequate.” 

Her smile was far too wide for the muted half-compliment that he had given. The sudden silence was broken occasionally by distant waves and the chirping of birds. 

“I like to look at the clouds,” Cream’s fingers tapped gently against the picnic blanket, drumming a silent rhythm, ghosting across invisible piano keys. “They look different every day, and at sunset, there are so many pretty colors! And they just keep moving across the sky.” She frowned. “Do you ever think about how sad it would be if the clouds just stayed the same all the time? Sure, they’re pretty, but wouldn’t they become dull after a while?”

His fingers clenched the blanket, creasing it into folds. The grass underneath was shredded into pieces. “I guess so,” he managed, eyeing the wispy palls in the sky. His eye caught something on the horizon - dark, looming thunderheads, the mist hanging heavily in the distance with the promise of rain and blinding flashes of lightning. 

He looked away, opting to take another sip of his tea. 

“Ooh, seagulls!” Cream continued talking despite Shadow’s obvious disconnect from the world around him. “Y’know, most people don’t like seagulls. They’re just trying to survive! I like feeding them slices of bread with jam. Then sometimes, they land on my shoulder.” Her ear twitched, perhaps a silent acknowledgement of his presence. “Some people even call them ‘rats of the sea’. I don’t think it’s a good insult, though. Rats are nice animals! They’re very cuddly!”

Chocola squeaked and Cream giggled, stroking his back. “I know you don’t like rats, Chocola. But they’re still animals! They deserve love as much as anyone!”

The sun had almost dipped completely below the horizon, glow disappearing from the distant waves. Around them, fireflies began to illuminate the flowers waving in the breeze. The stars followed suit. 

Shadow realized his tea was cold. Feeling guilty, he set it down on the saucer, laying on his back. His quills poked tiny holes in the blanket. 

The stars were so cold , icy, unfeeling. They were static in their place, glaring at him with a frigid fury diluted from millions of light-years of distance, and yet he could still feel their presence all around him, a million needles pricking his skin, a billion eyes watching his every move, deciding his fate without his consent, and he could do nothing to stop them. He shuddered.

Cream was lying next to him now, staring at the empty void of space with that childlike innocence that always shone in her eyes. “There’s the little dipper,” she whispered, pointing upward, drawing invisible pictures with her fingers. “And there’s Orion and Ursa Major. I always liked making up my own, though.”

Looking up at the stars that he despised so much, feeling their watchful gaze on his fur, he swallowed. “Like what?” Shadow found himself asking, though he had no idea where the question came from. Truthfully, he wasn’t interested. 

Why was he even humoring this little girl? He would just end up abandoning her again, or she would hate him, or he would lose her some other way. He couldn’t afford to do this (not again, something whispered-) , not now, not when it wasn’t just the stars watching him. 

(Sonic was sleeping at the moment, his heartbeat slow and easy. His legs ached slightly, a small souvenir from constantly sprinting, whether towards Eggman to destroy some obscure death robot or away from whatever problem he had gotten himself into. They were far too similar in that aspect.)

The open dome above him suddenly felt as if it was closing in. Cream’s chatter faded into the background, yielding to the quickening thrumming of his heart, the sudden sweat beading on his gloved palms. He frowned. Why was it so cold? 

Why were his fingers trembling?

Too much, this was too much. Everything about this was so overwhelming, and the stars were spinning around his head, orbiting his nose. His lungs felt like they were at half capacity, like leaking balloons, and the grass had hands, gripping his arms, dragging along his wrists with thin-bladed fingers, pricking his forearms. There was dew drip drip drip dripping against his ears and cheeks. It stained his chest red. His legs were trembling along with the tremors of the ground shaking around him, an earthquake jolting the ground, splitting it into pieces, and Shadow was falling between the cracks, scrambling for purchase against a world that had never wanted him, fingers scrabbling and scratching cool rock, vines wrapping around his limbs, pulling, pulling , stretching him farther and farther. 

He had to break someday. 

(But not now, not in front of Cream, not when Sonic can feel everything, know everything, not when the stars are watching me.)

The stars were falling around him, turning into fireflies. One landed on his forehead and branded itself into his skull, burning white-hot. Grass was latex-gloved hands. The night sky was a cage. The sun had been smiling at him, all too familiar. She had done that, Shadow realized, had guided his small hands to point at constellations, name them, laughed as they played connect-the-dots with celestial bodies that didn’t give a damn about their sad existence. She had loved tea, had handed him a steaming mug full of strong-smelling strawberry jasmine, had talked wistfully about animals, had brushed back his quills with hands uncovered. 

“Shadow?”

It was her voice, and he turned. Her eyes were sapphire. Her dress was a pale blue. Her hair was long, wispy blond strands floating in the wind, and her eyes were empty. 

He blinked and Cream was looking at him, concern filling her gaze. “Are you ok?”

“I-” Shadow stopped, realizing his fists were clenching the blanket tightly, that the grass was brushing his legs and not wrapped around them, that there was no blood on his hands and no needles seeping poison into his bloodstream. “I’m sorry, Cream.” He rose quickly, brushing the specks of dirt and tea leaves from his arms, trying not to shudder at the feeling. “I need to go.”

“Oh.” Her voice was disappointed, small, and her eyes were downcast. “Sorry if I was bothering you.”

“No! No, it’s not your fault. It’s not anything you did.” He turned away, the words bitter in his mouth, curling on his tongue. “It’s- I have to-” 

Shadow stopped himself. God, he was so messed up . 

“...I’m sorry.” His voice was trembling, shaking, and before the stars could start spinning again he ran, vanishing in a flash. 

In the wake of his shaky footsteps, thunder boomed. Raindrops blurred his vision. He felt his heart jump - Sonic must have been woken by the sound, his shock and confusion wafting through the air like smoke from a dimly-lit cigarette. 

He blinked, and his cheeks were wet. He didn’t want to question whether the dampness came from the sky or his fluttering eyelids, his beating, ramming heart, his claws pricking his palms through his gloves, his feet moving as fast as they could go. 

He had done what was best. He had hidden his weaknesses, ran before Cream could stop him. He had prevented himself from getting too close to the stars again. 

So then why did it hurt so much?

Chapter Text

His gloves were soaked, so he pulled them off before he went to sleep, trying to ignore the thunder that rocked the sky, the flashes of lightning that split the darkness, the misty remnants of rain that seeped in through the cave’s maw. 

Shadow shuddered at the feeling of his bare palms brushing the cool, damp ground. His claws were chipped and dirty. He barely ever took off his gloves; they were almost sacred to him. It might be the custom of only showing claws to close family and friends, or the worry that his fingers, careless, sweaty, and slippery as they were, would shatter everything he knew and cared about(which was nothing , he insisted) under their touch. 

No. This was not the time to think about this, not when everything was trembling around him. He just needed some rest. That was why his heart was racing, the perpetrator of the ache in his chest. 

He flattened his ears against his forehead and closed his eyes, just to open them again at a huge flash of lightning. The thunderclap that followed was powerful enough to make the mountain he was nesting in shudder. His claws gripped tightly at his wrists, leaving small indents in his fur. Part of him hoped they’d draw blood. Maybe the pain would be enough to make him snap out of this, whatever frazzled state his mind was in, the buzzards circling his trembling body like he was roadkill. 

Too much too much. 

Shadow curled in on himself, quills bristling as his heart rate continued to speed up against his will, breaths short and shaky, fogging on the ground. He couldn’t help the sinking feeling that something was very, very wrong. He squeezed his eyes shut again, pressing his palms hard against his eyelids in hopes that the stars dotting his vision would disappear, but they only quadrupled in number, spinning, circling him, puppeting him on strings of blood and gore, needles and nylon gloves, wavy blond hair, fraying blue thread. 

His fist collided with the glass. His throat was raw from screaming. Nothing escaped, not even his voice, and the hands were reaching for him again, burning, bleeding, suffocating like a fish in an empty tank. His limbs were bound, the metal cuffs pressing harshly against his wrists, his ankles were ice, his midsection was chained to the mattress. His quills bristled at fingers pressing down on his shoulderblades, circling his forearms, dragging down his sides. It stung, burned, the dread that trailed from their fingertips, the sheer terror jolting through his veins at the knowledge of what was to come next. 

A blade sliced his collarbone open. 

Blood bubbled from the wound, hot and viscous, seeping thickly into his white fur. Spatters hit his cheeks and his mouth opened in a hoarse yell. Red eyes, blown wide with the pain of a hole in his chest and the panic coursing through his veins, watched in horror as slowly, but surely, the wound stitched itself up. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught notes being written on a clipboard, nods of satisfaction, the scratch of a pencil against paper, snapping his teeth, hoarse cries and tears, but they wouldn’t stop, he was dying. Stop looking at me stop it get out of my HEAD.

Their eyes were empty, with not a single shred of remorse, regret, or concern, and gloved hands raised another knife, this time serrated to cut deeper, to shred his flesh into pieces, to stain his fur the same shade of crimson as the stripes on his quills. Shadow tried to flinch away, tried to run, but the pain came anyway, making itself known in ribbons streaking down his legs. His eyes screwed shut but fluttered open again, a sickening twisting in his stomach, burning itself through his flesh, a thousand pupils trained on his already-closing wounds. Too much too much too much TOO MUCH TOO MUCH -

Shuddering, quaking, limbs slick with sweat and blood. He was being torn apart, pulled at the seams, unraveled, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. 

One of his hands was uncuffed, clenched fist pulled apart to reveal fingernails digging into palms, hard enough to draw blood. 

Shadow looked away, but not quick enough to miss the knife that cleanly cut his pinky finger off. He let out a yell of agony, tears welling in his eyes, blurring his vision. They were so big , and he was so small, trembling with the fear that he should not be able to feel . He’s the ultimate lifeform, they tell him. This is what he was built for. This was all to help Maria. 

Maria. Maria. Maria. His eyes burst open. He had never heard that name before but yet it meant so much to him, repeating over and over in his head like a mantra, a chant, the beat of his heart. 

Ever so slowly, and with no small amount of hellfire slicing its way up his arm, needles pricking his skin, shattering his bones and repairing them in a single second over and over and over again, a small nub of bone and flesh and blood began to swell, grow. He couldn’t look away, tears adding to the sweat and gore wetting his cheeks, as his pinky regrew. They were nodding in satisfaction, marking down notes, as if he was just an experiment , some sick tv show for them to watch, analyze, and then drop, not a living, breathing thing. 

Was he alive? Was he real? Was he anything more than an experiment, an artificial lifeform, a stitched-together scrapbook of DNA and metal shards and unearthly blood? 

Finally, finally , he was freed, bursting from his cuffs with a shout. He whipped around, snarling, but they were gone and he couldn’t do anything, they would just hurt him again, or worse, hurt her . 

They did hurt her. You didn’t stop them. You failed , Shadow. You failed at your one mission, the entire reason you were created. You’re weak.

“I know!” Shadow wanted to shout, to scream to the heavens that caged him, to the stars that bound him in their tangled mess of cobwebs and needles and thread,  cutting off the blood flow to his limbs, his heart beating painfully, uselessly inside his chest. 

There was glass, and it wouldn’t break. His fists connected with it over and over again, chaos energy flooding through his system, spurting from his fingers like blood, like a severed pinky lying limply on the floor, like lightning, thunder, wreathing around his body, and as always everything he had amounted to nothing against the heavens.

His hands were raw and sore. “Maria! Maria, please !”

Her smile was so sweet, so clear, and he wasn’t. He was stained, dirty. So why was he the one in the escape pod? Why was the gun pointed at Maria’s head and not his?

Her lips moved, but the ringing in his ear was so loud he couldn’t make out what she said. “No!” He roared, scrabbling desperately at the glass, his claws only making the faintest scratches. He was so helpless, so useless . Why would Maria put her trust in him?

A gunshot rang out and it echoed, turning into a taunt, an endless repeating broken record of his failures, his faults, his useless future, of a smile that deserved the entire world and would never experience it, of hands carding through too-sharp quills and alien blood spurting from veins, of wounds stitching themselves up, of gloves and chains and needles and poison and pain, so much pain , stinging and tearing up his legs, crackling up his spine, jumping from vertebrae to vertebrae and shattering each individual bone, just for his traitorous genes to stitch them together instantly, and just as soon they were broken again, cycling and cycling. It’ll never end. I’ll never be free. 

I killed her. 

The escape pod shuddered, started to move. Fat tears rolled down his cheeks. His arms were sore, his legs were trembling, and the world was spinning, below him and around him and inside him, warping him and distorting itself, folding in on itself. 

TOO MUCH.

Shadow’s eyes snapped open, a small, pathetic cry leaving his throat at the loud boom of thunder that jolted him awake. Everything was shaking, whirling. The cave was closing in around him, crushing his lungs, wrapping around his wrists. His hands were bare. 

There was a hand on his shoulder. He scrambled backward, eyes wide with fear, heart racing a million miles per hour, sweat sticking to his fur.

“Shh.” The voice was far too soothing, far too soft for him, who had Maria’s blood on his hands. “It’s ok. You’re—You’re safe. I promise. Just focus on my voice, Shadow.”

His vision was so blurry that he couldn’t make out who was talking to him, but he didn’t much care. All he knew was that they were reaching out a hand, and his traitorous fingers were instinctively reaching for them, hoping that they would somehow catch him, stop him from plunging over the cliff’s edge. 

His fingers touched gloved hands and he flinched backward, jolted back to sterile white rooms, handcuffs, scalpels, blood blood so much blood . The figure seemed to understand, pulling their glove off and interlacing their bare fingers with Shadow’s. “Breathe with me,” they ordered, placing Shadow’s hand on their chest. The rise and fall of their lungs, their heartbeat. They were real. 

“In,” they ordered, and Shadow took a deep breath. “Focus on the air entering your lungs. You are real. You are safe.” He was shuddering, now, but there was something about their voice, some strange familiarity, that was oddly comforting. He couldn’t push it away, not now, not when everything was crumbling at his fingertips. 

“Out.” Shadow closed his eyes, focusing on the rain, the light pattering of precipitation on the tree leaves outside. He realized the thunder had stopped. The hand gripping his was warm. 

He opened his eyes. Concerned emerald irises were locked with his. His eyes widened and he flinched away from Sonic, scrabbling backward. He could feel the concern filling the air, could sense Sonic’s heart beating in sync with his. He cleared his throat, hiding his claws. “Hedgehog,” He snapped, no ferocity behind his voice. 

“Shadow.” Sonic wasn’t yelling at him. It felt odd. He pushed it away, trying his best to be disgusted. “Are you ok now?”

“Get. Out.” 

He didn’t move. Shadow groaned, pulling on his gloves. 

“I can tell you’re scared, Shadow.”

Shadow froze for a moment, something raw bubbling in his throat. Before he could stop it, it burst. “Get out of my head, Sonic,” he snarled, trembling with anger and apprehension. 

“You know I can’t help it.” Sonic dared to step a little closer. Shadow’s quills quivered. “Besides, I could feel your panic attack from miles away like it was my own. It woke me up.”

“I don’t have panic attacks,” Shadow whipped around, red eyes gleaming with irritation and something else, thinly veiled. “What goes on in my head is none of your business.”

“Stop pretending like you’re invincible!” Sonic snapped. 

“Stop pretending like you care!” Shadow shot back before he could stop himself. 

Sonic’s hands twitched, still ungloved. He almost shuddered. “...I’m not .” 

Shadow froze, an unreadable expression on his face. Too bad Sonic could no doubt sense the way his heart jumped, the surprise flashing in his eyes. 

Why? Why does he keep doing this?

“Just go!” He snarled, taking a dangerous step forward. Sonic’s ears flattened slightly before he turned, and with a small jolt of what should have been satisfaction, Shadow realized that there was regret oozing from his fur. 

Before he leaped to the forest floor, the blue hedgehog paused. His voice was quiet but genuine. 

“Y’know, it’s okay to let other people care about you. It doesn’t make you weak.”

Something trembled inside Shadow’s chest. He turned away before he could see Sonic leave. 

His fist connected with the cave wall.

Chapter Text

The grass was emerald, covered in dew. Shadow brushed back his quills, trying his best not to think about the way Sonic’s hand had felt, intertwined with his. It must have been days, and yet the ghosts of soft tan fingerpads were still brushing against his palms. He growled, flexing his fists, and turned. 

Eggman’s front door was remarkably easy to punch through, the metal crumpling smoothly under his grasp. Alarms began to blast and several robots were flying around, panicked. He crushed one under his boot, relishing the satisfying crunch of its systems being compromised. 

“Shadow?” Orbot’s voice was as panicked as a robot’s could be, frantically sliding in his path. “Our door! Oh, the doctor’s going to be so irritated…”

“Get out of my way,” Shadow growled, voice dangerously low. The minion’s eyes widened and he obliged hastily. “ Please don’t take out the power, I’ve got a pie in the oven.”

The doctor squeaked in fear as the door to his office was ripped from its hinges and thrown down the hallway, dropping the screwdriver he was fiddling with and backing away from the black hedgehog standing ominously in his doorway. “Shadow!” His voice was uncharacteristically high, perhaps in fear. Good . “What are you doing here?!”

“Fix it,” He snarled. 

Eggman’s hands shifted nervously. “What? I don’t know what you’re talking about-” He was cut off by a blast of chaos energy incinerating the wall beside his head. 

“This is no time for games , Doctor!” He snapped, fist crackling with lightning, wreathing up and down his limbs. “Whatever you did between me and Sonic - undo it. Now .” 

He gulped, hands fidgeting nervously. “Um. Slight problem.”

“ What .”

“I… uh… might not know how to?”

Shadow snarled, impatience rising. “Well then figure it out ! I’m tired of feeling it whenever that stupid imbecile falls off of a cliff or gets shot by one of your robots.” And him sensing every time that something happens to me. I can take care of myself. 

Eggman’s eyes narrowed. “That’s a lot easier said than done, especially since the bond is much more simple to break if it’s between close-”

The alarms intensified, blaring loudly. Accompanying them were flashing blue lights. Eggman looked up and groaned. 

“What is it?” Shadow whipped around, raising his fists. 

“What do you think?” The doctor grumbled, and as if on cue, the window to his office shattered. 

“You’re shitting me.”

In flew Amy Rose, gripping her hammer firmly, followed closely by Sonic, grasping tightly to Tails’ hand. Knuckles could be heard in the distance, fists pounding against what was presumably a robot army. Sticks was screaming more conspiracy theories at the metal puppets, and he faintly heard Artificial scum!

If only she knew. 

Amy eyes him warily, narrowing his eyes. She opened her mouth to say something but stopped herself at Sonic’s knowing glance, instead grabbing Tails’ hand and dragging him out of the room. Sonic nodded at them, a wordless exchange taking place through their locked gaze.

“Hey, Shads!” The blue hedgehog turned to wink at Shadow and he growled, unease flaring in his stomach. Sonic seemed to notice, raising an eyebrow, but didn’t back off. There was something akin to clairvoyance in the air, salted with a pinch of remorse and dread. 

“What are you doing here?” Shadow snarled, ignoring the colors wafting around them and focusing on the anger bubbling in his chest. 

“I could ask you the same.” They were toeing the line now, dancing around the emotions that hung in the air like fog, skating on the thin ice of the floor they spun around expertly, and Shadow resisted the urge to shatter it. 

“ You are the reason I have to replace that window every goddamn month!” Eggman barked, pointing vaguely at the pair. “I even got curtains this time, and you ripped them! They’re velvet! Robots, attack!”

Shadow dove out of the way, a laser firing without warning and leaving a scorch mark on the wall near where his head had just been. He growled and scooped up a mug that had been thrown to the floor(it had #1 Evil Mastermind- Happy Father’s Day! written on it in sharpie), hurling it at the turret that spun on the wall and smashing it into pieces. Sonic’s foot connected with another, busting it into the floor. He didn’t dive for Shadow. Does he really think we’re on the same team here?

“My mug ! Oh, you’ll pay for that!” Eggman snarled, pressing a hidden button in the wall. “After I flee in cowardice, of course.”

Sonic dove for Eggman, but Shadow intercepted him, growling as he tackled him in midair, slamming him into the wall. Sonic shouted in surprise, and Eggman escaped easily, cackling as he slid into a hidden passageway and was assumedly ejected from the room in a hovership. In his moment of hesitation, Shadow’s fist connected with his adversary’s stomach. The wind was knocked out of both of them.

“Whose side are you on , man?” Sonic spat, ducking out of the way of another punch.

“My own!” Shadow growled, and before Sonic could escape he gripped his arm, slamming the blue hedgehog into the ground. He grunted and rolled out of the way before Shadow could pin him down, spitting dust out of his mouth. 

Sonic leapt to his feet just in time to avoid a blow to his chest. “Oh, I get it. You’re fighting dirty today.” Despite everything, he grinned. “Good. I’ve been wanting a challenge.”

“Bring it on, hedgehog.”

The echoing pain from Sonic being bashed into the tile floor faded, adrenaline surging between them instead. Surprisingly, Sonic threw the first punch, slamming into his shoulder. Shadow retaliated with his knee, aimed right at that soft patch of chest fur, right for his heart, as if the blow could staunch the burning energy that was crackling in the air, beating below his skin. Sonic gasped and something dangerous inside Shadow fluttered, a satisfied grin spreading across his face. 

“You’re insufferable ,” Shadow growled, and god , dust and bruises were a good look on him, exactly how he liked him. Sonic rolled out of the way and Shadow’s fist connected with the ground, shaking the room around them. 

It was almost magnetic, the way they danced and weaved around each other and the emotions filling the room, until they were drowning in it, a pool of red and yellow and green and pink, of anger and impulsiveness and stubbornness and flippancy. Sonic gripped Shadow’s arm and bodyslammed him to the ground, pain stinging up his spine. Shadow snarled and chaos controlled behind the blue hedgehog, who had been expecting it, aiming a kick at his stomach. Shadow dodged and in the next instant was gripping his opponent’s leg, trying not to think about how warm it was in his grasp, how he could feel the blood pumping beneath his fingertips despite the layers of fur, skin, and fabric, and spun him around, slamming him into - and through - a wall, shards of metal scraping along both backsides. 

Everything was a blur of color, of blue fur and green eyes that said so many damn things Shadow couldn’t bring himself to consider in any other situation, vitality flowing through every part of his body. The bruise from the bodyslam and the cuts from the wall would ache later but he thought with his feet and fists and heart instead of his brain, leaping after the hedgehog and landing above him, feeling the pure energy that was flowing between them, clouding the air, making his fur heat up and his quills stand on end. It was exhilarating , the feeling of Sonic’s fists connecting with his sides, the hum of chaos energy crackling, red battling blue, flashes of chaos blast and the sting of cobalt light. Shadow’s heart quickened as Sonic vanished, reappearing below him and quite literally sweeping him off his feet, knocking him to the ground. 

“Dimwit,” Shadow snarled, recovering quickly and preparing to pounce.

“That might be the first time that insult’s been used since my grandma was alive,” Sonic snarked. 

It all faded into punches and kicks, the taste of blood in his mouth, and Shadow couldn’t tell which wounds were his own, what pain came from whose fists. With a jolt he realized that nothing mattered except for this, pushing each other to the limit, everything else forgotten in favor of edging closer and closer to the flames dancing between them. He could tell when it hurt and hit harder, relishing in the small cries that left Sonic’s mouth with satisfaction, with the knowledge that he was the one who had pulled them from his lungs. Dirt and blood-stained white gloves, inhibitor rings glowed and vibrated with power, and he had half a mind to take them off, to show Sonic what he was truly capable of. 

“Screw it,” Sonic growled , and that did something to Shadow, a warmth spreading in his heart, trembling, beating, like a boom of thunder and a soft whisper all at once, as hands wrapped in sports tape slammed him into the wall, eliciting a grunt from both of them. 

Teeth sunk into Shadow’s shoulder and he yelped, struggling against the strong arms that held him immobile, warmth spreading as crimson blood beaded at the wound. Everything slowed down and fell into a new place. Sonic was shuddering and Shadow remembered that he could feel this too, feel how tender he was being as he bit into flesh, marking himself on his rival’s fur. Shadow stopped struggling, frozen by the intense feeling of fangs tickling themselves upward, towards his neck, gasping as the warmth amplified, not shoving away and instead opting to grip tightly at Sonic’s arms, scrabbling for purchase before he fell, succumbed to the urges that were pulling the pair ever closer. 

“What are you doing?” His voice wasn’t harsh, instead raspy and raw as Sonic unwound him, hands sliding up and down his sides, pressing him against the wall as his teeth crept up his neck, marking a trail of red that pricked deeper and deeper, digging further into his flesh, his soul , whatever lay beneath the surface of the patchwork body he had been given. Sonic, of course, didn’t answer, opting instead to smirk at him before nipping at his skin, fangs dancing up towards his face, tickling his muzzle. It was so much but Shadow wasn’t going to back down now, not when the threads binding them were tightening, tugging them together, claws sinking into muscle and fur, quills smoothing and bristling. Shadow hissed a curse at one particularly strong bite and Sonic grinned, attacking the spot over and over again, drawing gasps and pants from his throat. 

Shadow’s eyes narrowed and suddenly he whipped around, hands catching Sonic’s shoulders and slamming him into the ground, pain dancing through his nerves and stinging up his neck, a blush spreading across his cheeks. “Two can play at that game, faker,” he snarled, and without a second thought, he sunk his fangs deep into the fur at Sonic’s collarbone, growling in satisfaction at the shout of surprise that left his lips. The sensation of fangs digging into his own skin as he bit down on Sonic’s fur was exhilarating , and he closed his eyes, focusing on how hot the blood bubbling against his fangs was. They were the sun, intertwined and glowing, burning, and so, so warm, and it was no longer just red-hot rage orbiting them. Maybe it had never been. Instead, there was energy, sparks flying at Shadow’s hands as they gripped tightly to Sonic’s shoulders, pressing him hard against the cool tiles of the floor, legs wrapping around his waist, marking a new bruise at the nape of his neck. Sonic quivered, a small, pathetic, infinitely significant movement , and oh, that did something to Shadow, biting with a new ferocity, some animalistic instinct making him lap at the blood dripping down his neck. 

“Shadow,” Sonic’s voice was shaky, almost desperate, and Shadow responded with a nip below his ear, fingers trailing behind and tracing the path he’d made with his fangs. “What?” He growled, nibbling at the tufts of fur lining his muzzle. There was almost a pull to go further up, but he pushed it away. Another time . 

“I-” Sonic was cut off as he yipped, stifled, fingers gripping at Shadow’s arms, and his claws had pierced through his gloves, digging into Shadow’s skin, leaving more bloody scars. Shadow felt a rush of heat, something feral stirring inside him along with the unexplainable desire to make Sonic his , to grip at his frayed edges and unravel them, weave him into something new. 

Sonic’s knee connected hard with his stomach and Shadow flinched backward in surprise. In his moment of weakness he was almost tackled to the ground again, just barely rolling out of the way, fangs bared. Their eyes met and suddenly both became aware that their hearts were beating in sync, a million miles per hour, blood dripping from bite marks on their shoulders, a whirl of unfamiliar emotion raging around them in a hurricane of what could only be described as desire. 

A creak. Shadow’s eyes widened as he realized that the absence of the wall he had punched through and the multiple columns they had knocked to the ground were causing the building around them to shudder under its own weight. 

More than shudder. It was collapsing, and everything fell apart around him. He realized the gravity of what he had just done, just felt , circling him like a star, like a thousand bullets aimed for his head, concrete giving way and tumbling directly toward his skull. Sonic’s eyes widened.

He acted on autopilot, diving for his legs, and before Sonic could react they were falling, the panicked nature of Shadow’s chaos control sending them directly above the ocean. Sonic screamed, flailing in midair, and in a blink, Shadow recalled the times he had seen Sonic watch his friends swim from the shoreline, had only dared a toe-deep venture into the sea before backing out to sunbathe. He was gripping tightly to Shadow’s hand, pulling him close, and before he could stop himself Shadow’s fingers wrapped around his forearm, squeezing it gently. 

They plunged into the water.  

Cold , was Shadow’s first thought, seeping into his bones, around his neck, salt stinging at the bite marks on his shoulder, twice as intense. Sonic’s eyes were wide with panic and his mouth was open in an instinctive gasp, water no doubt filling his lungs. The fear was choking them both and he realized just how severe Sonic’s hydrophobia really was. Idiot , Shadow thought(almost fondly, though no one had to know that), pulling them to the surface, collecting his thoughts and chaos controlling to shore, landing them in the sand, soaked and freezing. Sonic rolled on his side, coughing and hacking, and Shadow felt a twinge of concern before pushing it away. 

“Thanks, Shadow,” Sonic spoke raspily, and suddenly Shadow realized what that warmth was, what that hint of fondness clinging to his fur meant. Oh no.

“Shut up , hedgehog,” he snarled, hopping to his feet, ignoring the way Sonic’s hand instinctively reached for him, and vanished in a flash. 

Shadow fell to his knees in his cave, hand going to the bite marks on his neck, and bit his lip. 

An experiment does not feel. An experiment does not love. 

His lip trembled, and all of the pain caught up to him, crackling up his limbs and stomach, stinging bruises on his chest, notches in his shoulders tenderly leaking blood, and last of all, his heart seemed to split in two, cracking right down the middle, aching with something he didn’t have the courage to look in the eyes. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

I’m sorry, Maria.

Chapter Text

“What are you doing here?” Shadow snarled, hands curled into fists. 

Amy Rose glared daggers at him, hammer resting dangerously against her shoulder. Her figure was blocking the cave entrance, her shadow extending across the floor. “What did you do to him?” She snapped, taking a hazardous step forward. 

“Who?”

“You know who I’m talking about.” Her eyes were pointedly latched onto his neck, to small scars and scratches lining his fur, to the lingering sensation of Sonic’s teeth digging into his flesh. 

“I-” he stopped short with the realization that he didn’t know what to say.

Amy’s eyes narrowed. “He won’t stop talking about you, you know.”

His traitorous heart leapt in his chest. He pushed it down, chained it in place. 

“He said it was all Eggman, that you weren’t working with him. He said that you’re more vulnerable than you seem.” Her hand tightened on the handle of her hammer, fingers twitching, as if itching to strike. “I’m not sure if I believe him.”

Shadow swallowed, forcing his voice to stop shaking. “Listen, Rose. If I knew what was going on I’d undo it as soon as possible. I-”

“It’s not fair !” Her voice was hollow, almost aching. “I’ve loved him for years, cared about him for my entire life, and you - you just swoop in, and Eggman does something to both of you, and you take him for yourself!” 

“I don’t want him!” He snapped, talking more to himself than to her, to the threads he was still tangled in, to the heartbeat next to his. “There is nothing between us, there never will be, I’m not meant—“

“I’m not an idiot , Shadow.” The ferocity in her tone rivaled his. “But I don’t care who he loves as long as he’s happy. And you’re not going to do that for him. You’ll just hurt him.”

“I know !” He snarled, before he could stop himself, and a spear of chaos energy flashed in the air, shooting right between pink ears, the product of pent-up emotion and frustration and green eyes locked with his. Amy ducked just in time, crying out in surprise, and he turned before she could see the shock on his face. Get a hold of yourself. 

You’re just proving her point.

“Tails is researching a cure to the soulbinding with information we found in Eggman’s base yesterday.” Before you destroyed it went unsaid. “Just-” She sighed, and something seemed to soften in her voice. “I know I can’t stop you, and much less him . I know he’ll never look at me like he looks at you. But… I trust him. I know what he thinks of you. He’s more fragile than he lets on.”

Shadow grunted in response, her wary eyes on his sagging shoulders burning into his skin, smoking at his flesh. “Just go , Amy. I can take care of myself.”

“But what about him?”

“He is no concern of mine.”

“Then act like it,” she snapped, and the thump of her hammer hitting the ground was enough to make him glare her straight in the eyes. Green. But more grassy than Sonic’s, less energetic and more bubbly, soft, delicate. 

Her irises lingered on his, narrowed and cold, and he looked away. Something unexpected rose like bile in his throat - shame . 

“If you ever even think about harming him, I’ll flay you alive.”

After a moment, almost hesitantly, her shadow disappeared with her, running back to that hut to spend time with someone she loved . Shadow shuddered, suddenly feeling more vulnerable than ever. Instinctively, his fingers brushed gently over the bite marks on his neck. 

She had said it like it was easy to love someone, to hold them gently as if whatever he touched didn’t shatter in his fingers. He growled, rising to his feet. 

God, he was tired . Tired of watching from afar, tired of staying in his cave all the time, tired of the way Sonic’s emotions interweaving with his made his head spin and whirl, tired of floating on cloud nine, oblivious to the fall below, through the atmosphere again. It was easier and quicker to just hurl himself off the edge, anyway. As if he had wanted this. He hated it, hated how Sonic knew just where to push his buttons, to grasp the fraying edges Shadow wasn’t designed to have and pull him apart, dissect him piece by piece. 

The smile on your face and the blood on your teeth say otherwise , a soft voice whispered, and he shook it off. No . He was not fixated with Sonic in any way, did not think about the way his stupid little smirk made him feel every time he saw it(which was completely normal , by the way), and would never feel a warmth in his heart at the thought of his hands carding through quills, would never shudder at the memory of teeth sinking into his neck. 

He just needed some air. Surely that would slow his breathing, his racing heartbeat, the flush of blood in his cheeks. With a shake of his head to clear it, he turned and leapt to the ground. 

His legs were aching from yesterday, a leftover sting biting his heels. He growled and pushed harder, breaking the sound barrier easily. The feeling of the wind rushing past his face was exhilarating, but couldn’t hold a candle to the sensation of Sonic’s fangs tickling his - no. He had to stop thinking because his traitorous mind would inevitably wander back to blue fur and bruised stomachs, to a hand pressing him firmly against a wall and holding him in place as territory was ferociously marked on skin. They were mortal enemies, rivals, and nothing more. Whatever Eggman had done, whatever his subconscious was certain of - it was nothing . He would crush his weaknesses under his boot like a bug and smear them across the ground where they belonged.

Grass into rocks into trees into sand, running faster and faster (from what? persisted in his mind. He ignored it, letting the question fall to the ground, effortlessly leaving it in the dust). There was a mountain range that disappeared in the blink of an eye, a gorge he leapt over without a second thought, fading into nothingness behind him. The burn in his legs was welcome, encouraged, and the energy crackling up his limbs was an effective distraction from the looming thunder behind him, from the threads tangled and knotted around his wrists. His feet connected with the sea, skimming across it like a skipped rock, and a small jolt of panic welled inside him, left over from Sonic’s lungs full of water, from fear chaining him down, dragging him into the depths. 

He screeched to a stop, the faded blur of his surroundings catching up to him, and the grass was swaying around him. What had brought him here, overlooking the ocean, Sonic’s hut peeking out in the corner of his eye? What was he doing, falling to his back in the grass, gazing at the dome above his head?

A balloon , he thought bitterly, tracing the shape in the fluffy clouds above his head. 

God , he was exhausted.

The blue hedgehog that materialized next to him seemed to notice it, too, tapping his foot before laying beside him. He had half a mind to punch him but he was so tired of doing the same damn thing every time they met, so tired of his hands being used for solely violence. 

“Y’know, it’s nice talking to you when we’re not in the middle of a fight.” Sonic’s quills fluttered in the wind.

“Hmph,” Shadow fiddled with his inhibitor rings. 

He was warm, and Shadow was tired. There was something dangerous on the horizon, something terrifyingly electric, pulling them closer together from afar like a magnet. 

Sonic huffed a breath of amusement, and suddenly Shadow was hyper-aware of the brush of soft arms against his. He stiffened but didn’t move away, the bite marks on his neck tingling. When he didn’t react harshly, the blue hedgehog shuffled closer, ever-pushing his luck, breath lightly tickling Shadow’s muzzle. His fingers crept slowly towards Shadow’s palm, gripping the grass tightly. 

He realized how long it had been since he had been touched in a way that wasn’t meant to hurt him. His limbs trembled and the yearning in his heart increased tenfold, begging, pleading for more. There was longing swirling around them like mist, and something else, almost akin to adoration, a warmth pulsing in the millimeters of space between the pair. 

“Sonic?” Shadow’s mouth moved against his will, voice shivering, raw, and he was so close to just leaping off the cliff, to taking this one chance before he could come to his senses and run, to letting himself do something he would regret for the rest of his endless, aimless life. 

“Is this ok?” His voice was a whisper, and he was leaning into Shadow now, hand stroking gently against his forearm. 

Fuck it , Shadow decided, whipping around, answering the question by burying his face in the small of Sonic’s neck, his hand gripping his arm tightly. Sonic laughed  and it was like a bubble bursting, spilling over. 

He jumped. 

Shadow nipped lightly at skin, not piercing flesh, but making his presence known, and Sonic pulled him closer, scrabbling for purchase. It wasn’t a fight, whatever they were doing, more of a taunt, a game, and the unspoken goal was to make the other a flushing mess. 

Sonic’s fingers gripped tightly to Shadow’s quills, tugging on them as Shadow attacked a particularly sensitive spot, more with his lips than his teeth. Shadow responded with a half-hum, half-growl, and suddenly he flipped himself on top of Sonic, pushing him to the ground, pressing their bodies together, not knowing exactly what he wanted except for more , breathing him in. He smelled like lavender, and Shadow nuzzled into his cheek, trailing his fangs gently across his fur. Sonic was squirming beneath him, a faux struggle and Shadow realized with a start how desperate they both were, chests flush against one another in a hurricane of desire to just be held, to press half-nibbles half-kisses into bodies that were far too used to combat, to pain, to give scraped, bloody flesh a comforting nuzzle, a reminder that it could heal, and to give clear skin imperfections to match the rest of its damaged body. Shadow intentionally avoided the bruise that he knew was on Sonic’s cheek, unsure which one of them had been the perpetrator, and instead attacked the blue hedgehog’s jawline, drawing a soft cry from his lips. 

“ Shit , Shadow,” Sonic gasped, and Shadow grinned against his fur with the knowledge that he was being pulled apart at the seams, undone by his hands and teeth, by the gentle swaying of desire around them, the current of bliss tickling his red-tipped ears. He was drawn closer and closer to Sonic’s lips but stopped himself each time, as if moving on autopilot, in a daze. He didn’t want this to end, didn’t want the inevitable realization of what he was doing to catch up with him - so he just kept biting lightly, affectionately at fur, relishing the soft noises it earned him. Sonic’s chest began to rumble and he realized that he was purring , pressing into the contact of Shadow’s lips with his body, clinging tightly to his limbs as if he was afraid to let go. Shadow shuddered as hands began to move gently up his arms, tracing the red stripes on his fur and traveling slowly to the white patch on his chest. He responded by nuzzling into peach chest fur, hands pressing carefully but firmly into Sonic’s shoulders, pressing him into the ground. 

Taking the opportunity, Sonic pulled him closer, hands slowly, gently moving to cup his cheeks. It was as if they were in a superposition, relishing the time they had before they came to their senses, realized they were supposed to be fighting, that Shadow wasn’t meant to be held so gently(although, with a shiver, he realized how much he had missed it). They were swaying in the breeze, slow-dancing around the obvious pull that tugged insistently at their muzzles. Shadow whimpered softly at the feeling of Sonic’s fangs raking ever so gently down his neck, as if he was afraid to hurt him, handling him with so much care and caution as if he would melt, and his heartbeat quickened along with the yearning , all around them, drowning them, the warmth increasing tenfold. Sonic grinned against his fur, hands caressing his sides, and his teeth faded into lips, tickling his shoulders, drawing a gasp from his lungs. More adoration spilled from his chest in the increased rumbling of his purrs. 

God, if Shadow hadn’t been in love before (and he’d better match the name to the strange lightheadedness now, before he came to his senses) this was enough to do it all over again, the way Sonic treated him not with harshness but with tenderness, with light, caring touches and soft kisses. There was no way that Sonic couldn’t feel it, too, the way his heart beat was enough to sound his infatuation like a bass drum, a ringing clap, a message from Shadow to Sonic and Sonic alone, something only them could ever understand. There'd always been something so different about him. The only one who could match Shadow's speed, who could keep up with him in a fight, who wasn't... afraid to hold him like this. It was pathetic, the nervousness that gripped his heart, but Sonic held him in gentle hands. He flicked his ear in acknowledgment, humming fondly, and Shadow realized that with his purrs came waves of affection, lapping at his feet, so simple and so significant his world shattered like a glass capsule.

Before he could stop himself, his hands reached up to cup Sonic’s cheeks. Sonic’s lips disconnected from his fur and met his halfway, crashing with the ferocity that had been missing from the teasing. Shadow growled, suddenly aggressive, craving more, deepening the kiss enough to elicit a cry from the other, and his satisfaction rang clearly through the air like the toll of a bell, counting down to midnight. 

One. Two.

He could feel it coming now, the realization of what they had just done, but ran away from it like always, fangs teasing at Sonic’s lip. Sonic gasped and Shadow took the opportunity to explore, hands gripping tightly to his shoulders. The desperation and passion were spinning around them, in the eye of a hurricane, pinks and reds and blues and the knowledge of what was coming as the wind changed. 

God, who let Sonic be this good at kissing?

Three. Four . 

Sonic let out a small, desperate noise and suddenly he flipped them over, pressing him into the grass, and if that wasn’t the most attractive thing Shadow had ever experienced he didn’t know what was. He let his equal take the lead, gripping desperately to fur. The seconds were eons were blinks of an eye, the soft affection instantly flipping to a silent plea from Sonic. Stay. Please, just stay. We don't have to run anymore.

But Sonic didn't know him.

Five. Six . 

They could both sense it now, regret, desperation, and sadness pooling into the air around them, burning, licking at feet and fingers, pulling at quills. Shadow squeezed his eyes shut tighter as if it would make it go away. His teeth dug into Sonic’s lower lip and elicited a cry from both of them, a twinge of pain stinging two pairs of lips. They separated but attacked each other again instantly, fighting for a foothold, Sonic’s hums swallowed by Shadow’s lips. 

God, what am I doing?

Seven. Eight . 

They slowed, for just a second. Fondly, Sonic’s hand gripped his, squeezing it, almost a promise. Sonic had to know that this had to end, now. So why was he smiling?

Shadow wasn’t sure what to make of it. He wasn’t sure of anything anymore. 

Nine, ten.

Desperately, selfishly, he pressed one final peck to Sonic’s lips.

Eleven.

Shadow‘s eyes fluttered, burst open. He flinched backward and his hands moved from Sonic's cheeks to his chest, claws unsheathed.

Twelve . 

He shoved Sonic away, his heart racing. They had fucked up royally , and it was all crashing to the ground around him, sinking into the ocean’s depths like a barbell chained to his feet, pulling him farther and farther down and down and he couldn’t breathe . “Shadow, wait!” Sonic’s hand gripped his and he growled, yanking it away, adoration turning into fear of the adoration, of the warmth that caged his heart, that gripped his soul in digging, sharp claws that refused to let go. 

“You know I can’t!” He snarled, and since when were there tears stinging his eyes? 

He whipped around and disappeared, but Sonic was never deterred that easily, him and that stupid grin and those stupid fangs and how stupidly hopeful he was. Shadow could not be fixed. They had tried. His fingernails were digging into his upper arms, deeper and deeper, as if to satisfy some carnal hunger inside him, craving nothing except for more . The cave floor was cold and he wanted nothing more(except for the thrill of the fall again, for teeth clashing against his lips) than to curl up in a ball and disappear. 

He had hit the ground. 

Why had he jumped in the first place, without a parachute as he was, without any family to catch him before he fell too far, without a place to land? How could he have been so ignorant?

“Shadow.” Sonic’s voice was desperate, breathy from running all the way across the island after him(and a reminder of what they had just done, what Shadow had let himself do), and there was no way he couldn’t feel Shadow’s yearning piercing a hole through his chest, spurting blood. “Shadow, you don’t have to be scared. I’m here for you. And-shit, Shadow, you know I'm not scared of you. You know we both want this. I want to help.”

“I don’t need help! You don’t know me, hedgehog!” He spat, trying to staunch the teardrops threatening to spill down his cheeks. “No one does! Not anymore!”

“So?” God, he was smirking. He truly didn't understand. How could he smile like that as if loving was something trivial? As if everything wasn't broken, forever?

“You’ll never get it, will you?!” Shadow’s voice was a thousand knives, and he felt the way they sliced deeper and deeper into Sonic’s fur(and his own). “I don’t need it, Sonic! I never needed you! I never needed anyone ! I can take care of myself!” 

“But you want me, don’t you?” Sonic’s voice was soft, almost hollow, ringing against his eardrums. 

Shadow looked away, claws drawing beads of crimson from his palms. “That doesn’t matter.” He snarled. “Just - just go , Sonic.”

“You know you can’t get rid of me that easily. You can't hide from me, Shadow. I can feel you. You're in pain.”

“Don’t make me do this.” It was all collapsing, crushing his lungs, whirlwinding around him, all the memories of the last time he had let himself love someone, the last time he had lost someone, playing over and over again, a sickening broken record, the reminder that he was dangerous, that he was an experiment, an alien, a weapon , that his claws were meant for slicing and not holding. Amy was right. He would only hurt himself. He would only hurt Sonic . 

“Shadow, please! Just-“ Sonic bit his lip, taking a dangerous step forward. With grim satisfaction, Shadow tasted fear on his fur. “I don’t know what you’ve been through. I don't know why you think that my relationships make me weak, that I might somehow... infect you. All I know is that they were wrong. Nothing, nothing could make you weak. I knew that from the first time we fought, from every time we've ever raced, and I know now that there's something that's hurting you. I can feel it, constantly, deep inside your soul. Being alone doesn't make you strong. It-it isn't weak to ask for help sometimes, Shadow." Of course, he let out a laugh, weak and soft. “You don’t need to hide from me.”

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to!”

“You really think that is what this is about?”

“I don’t-“ He stopped. 

I don’t know what to think. It scares me. 

“I wouldn’t do this on purpose.” Sonic’s voice was far too soft for him, for his bloodstained claws and hands curled into fists. “Not to you, not to anyone . I want to learn about you, but trust me-I didn't want it to be like this. You can feel me just as much as I can feel you, Shadow.”

No, he couldn’t, there was no way Sonic had felt that, had seen him and fallen head-over-heels as he proclaimed, looked at him and seen anything more than a weapon. If he did, he was just lying to himself. 

“I’m warning you!” He snarled, and his inhibitor rings clattered to the floor, loosened by the way he had fiddled with them earlier. He couldn’t put them on again, not when they had been chaining him to the wall, tearing him open with serrated knives, blood spattering to the floor. 

Despite everything, Sonic took one more minuscule step forward, hands open and palms up in invitation, as if he didn’t already know what the answer had to be, for the sake of both of them. Despite everything, he won’t leave. 

Why?

It was all coming to the breaking point, closing in, collapsing in on him, the final boulders falling from the ceiling to crush his chest, lungs. Sonic could surely sense it but he just kept standing there. “Leave me alone.” Shadow croaked, and his hackles and fists raised, inhibitor rings abandoned on the ground. “ Please , Sonic.”

“I won’t do that to you, Shadow.” Sonic’s voice was soft but firm. His breathing quickened, and he saw red, anger and frustration and despair. This couldn’t be happening. He needed to go. Now . "You can't run anymore."

“Why won’t you just leave me alone ?!”

With the shout, his fist, vibrating and glowing with unbridled energy and emotion, connected with Sonic’s shoulder. He heard the crack of bone and pain shattered down his arm, screeching, shouting, burning burning burning , licking like flames up and down his muscles. Sonic, wide-eyed, was sent flying high into the air, the pain and despair leaking from his fur leaving a trail that faded in the wind behind him. 

He didn’t come back.

Shadow fell to his knees, and a small sob left his mouth, a hand coming to his shoulder to check the damage. The gleaming inhibitor rings lying on the floor winked at him, at the shattered bone beneath his skin. He distantly felt the impact of Sonic hitting the ground, hard, bruises and scrapes making themselves known on his back, twisting his arm. He released a small cry of pain, of loss, of everything everywhere looking at him all at once, of blue green brown eyes and cream blue pink fur and red blue orange dresses.

He curled up into a ball and sobbed. 

I was supposed to do this. This was what had to happen from the very beginning. I would have just hurt him more and more if I didn’t do that to him . 

So why was he crying now?

Because I love him , was the answer, and he buried his face in his knees, a stab of pain jolting through him as his shoulder was twisted. Because I love him and I’ll only hurt him if I try to make things work. Because I’m not meant for love. Because if I love him more and lose him, it’ll break more than just a bone. Because I can't be weak again, not when my weaknesses got her killed. Because-

Maria’s eyes were on him now and his messily taped-together heart shattered again, breaking down, reaching for her. It should have been you. It was supposed to be you. You would have loved him. I don’t deserve this, the birds chirping in the trees, the way Sonic’s hand feels in mine. 

So why do I want it so badly?

Chapter Text

The bone healed quicker than Shadow wanted it to. 

It was probably the combination of his engineered genes and Sonic’s infuriating vitality. Perhaps one benefit(if you could even call it that - it was slowly but surely getting rid of his excuse not to leave his home) of the soulbond was that both bodies pitched in to mend wounds. Within just a few days, the damage(which, the product of fists fueled by anger and a lack of inhibitor rings, had consisted of the shattering of the acromion into three pieces and the splitting of the clavicle in two, as well as minor dents and chips in parts of the scapula and humerus-Shadow had checked himself by prodding at the area, trying not to think about Sonic wincing in pain) had been reduced to a dull ache, his bones mending about twice as fast as they would without another's aid.

Sonic and his shining eyes. Sonic and his wide smile. Sonic and his fangs, duller than they should have been. Sonic and his voice, his words, ranging from soft to sharp, knife-edged, though they never cut deep enough to bleed. 

(And that was the difference between the two of them, wasn’t it? Sonic didn’t hurt people. Shadow did. He was created for violence and violence alone, and there was no way he could escape it, no matter how fast he was capable of running. There was only one being capable of keeping up with him.)

Sonic and the way he fought, everywhere all at once, a blur of quills and fists that threw meaningless taunts at all opponents. Sonic and his damn instincts, the way he always trusted his intuition, never hesitated to take leaps of faith. God, Sonic and his faith. Sonic and his maddening lips and irksome hands and infuriating shoulders just begging for-

No.

(An echo, quiet but present. Sonic, flying through the air, hand still outstretched. Sonic, reaching for him, bubbles of air leaving his mouth, eyes wide with panic. Sonic, standing shock-still as a building crumbled around him. God, he hated him, hated the way that he made his heart warm, hated the way that he made him betray his promise to himself, to Maria . 

The tooth marks took longer to heal than the bones. It was almost like the universe was taunting him.)

I don’t get it. I fucked up, so I fixed it. I prevented things from getting worse. I prevented myself from taking something I don’t deserve, damaging him beyond repair. I saved him from certain death

Why doesn’t it go away?

Sonic could surely feel how hurt he was, how weak he was. Part of him wanted to blame him for doing this, for nestling his way into the hollowness in Shadow’s heart. The other part of him just wanted to curl up and sleep.

(He listened to the latter voice, of course. Wasn't it laughable, how he hadn't moved from the shadowy corners of the cave for the past five days?)

-

When his eyes opened again ten minutes-maybe-hours later, his stomach was growling. He groaned, tucking his nose into his knees, curling away from the brightening sunlight. He didn’t need to eat now . He was the ultimate lifeform. Surely food wasn’t a necessity for a few more days. 

(There was a stone in his chest. It would be too much work to lift it.)

He swallowed and it came to his attention how dry his throat was, how raspy his voice would be if he spoke. His hands were cracked and dry. His legs were asleep, his bones had solidified into stone, and his back felt like it had been fused with the cave wall. Shadow cursed his creator once for not making his body self-sustainable and a second time for creating him. Shakily, he got to his feet. 

Why was it so hard to move? 

Growling, frustrated that this was what Sonic had reduced him to (what you’re too weak to fix) , he stumbled to the cave entrance and slid messily from a tree trunk to the forest floor, trying to ignore how the world was spinning. Harshly, his hand connected with the trunk to stabilize himself, and he was reminded that Sonic could feel bark brushing against his palm. 

There was a burn mark on the tree trunk next to his index finger and a pile of scrap metal on the ground, crushing now-unkempt grass. He missed when that had been his biggest concern. 

“ Shadow .”

The voice was a snarl, laced with an almost terrifying ferocity, and he glared up, locking eyes with Amy Rose. She was visibly trembling from what had to be anger rushing through her veins, and her hammer was raised. Instinctively and imperceptively, he flinched. 

“You’re damn lucky that you’re soulbound with Sonic, because if you weren’t this hammer would be meeting your skull right now.”

“I-” He stopped, voice raspy, with the realization that he didn’t know what to say.

“You’re so selfish! ” Her eyes had a thousand emotions raging behind them, all of which he was too exhausted to decipher. “You have everything I ever wanted at the tips of your fingers, and all you do is break his heart! ” With the cry, her hammer swung, colliding with the force of all of her rage(which was, Shadow realized, one to be reckoned with) with a tree, snapping it in two, splinters flying everywhere. She barely flinched, daring to step closer when Shadow failed to follow her example. “You don’t care about him. You don’t care about anyone . That was all you wanted, was to hurt him! To toy with his heart, lead him on, kiss him , and abandon him just like that!”

“It’s better this way!” He retaliated, the words bitter on his tongue. “Don’t you want him instead? You should be thanking me!” 

That was the wrong thing to say, and it was very evident in the way she stiffened, irises flashing. “All that I have ever wanted ,” She growled, voice low, hard, sharp , “Was for him to be happy. I know I can’t give that to him.”

There were tears in her eyes.

“ You could have done that.” Amy continued, louder, closer, and he recoiled backward. “You could have loved him like he loves you. You had the chance to make him happy, to get him to open up and stop fighting all the time, and instead, you broke his fucking shoulder .”

“I’m sorry.” The words fell from his mouth uninvited, surprising even him. 

He barely rolled out of the way before the hammer drove into the ground where his head had been moments before. “No, you’re not! ” She snarled. “All you did was hurt him. All you will ever do is hurt him more , and you have the audacity to say that I should be thanking you?!! Who was it that carried him home when he was found bruised, bloody, and mangled, with bite marks on his neck and a shattered collarbone? Who was it that held his hand while Tails set the bone and helped wrap it in a cast? Who was it that stayed by his bedside and comforted him while he cried because the person he loved kissed him, just to punch him so hard that it sent him flying halfway across the island? It’s clear that you don’t want him, so say it to his face instead of leading him on!”

“He cried?” But that made no sense. Sonic was far too strong to cry, far too confident in his self-worth, in his emotions and actions. He wasn’t broken. Not like Shadow was.

“Yes, and I bet you wanted him to.” Pure disgust dripped from her voice, and it fully registered in his mind that it was aimed at him . “Stop pretending like you care!” 

I’m not. He held the words back before they could escape his mouth, clamping his jaw shut. 

“Stay away from him.” Amy snarled, and her fists tightened on her hammer, a clear warning. “I’m not letting you hurt him any more than you already have.” 

As if to punctuate her words, Shadow felt a small thrum of confusion tickle his temporal lobe, the heartbeat nestled next to his quickening as Sonic presumably woke up. 

She walked away, leaving him to stare at her retreating figure, to confront the pain building in his chest, thirst and hunger forgotten. 

He cried . Guilt swelled in Shadow’s stomach, cold and heavy. Unwilled, his mind flashed back to the look in Sonic’s eyes when his fist had connected with his shoulder. 

He shouldn’t care. Why did he care? Sonic was no concern of his. He had made sure of it himself. He’d have no problem staying away, no issue with never seeing the blue hedgehog and his pink, ferocious, unsatisfied, too-caring friend again. 

If only his subconsciousness could agree, could stop giving him glimpses of blue fur, faint ghosts of soft lips brushing his. 

Why did I kiss him anyway?

He’s not sure where the question came from, but it was suddenly tugging insistently at his arm, pulling him down a potentially dangerous route, and before he could stop himself he was stumbling behind. I knew I wouldn’t have a chance. I couldn’t let myself have a chance.

But I wanted it anyway.

His fist unclenched with the realization that Amy had been right, that he deserved every word and blow she swung at him because he was selfish. Selfish to try to make his stupid nagging fantasies a reality, selfish to even think that he could love someone the way they thought they loved him, selfish to think that he could be anything more than what he was created to be, with abnormal healing abilities and limbs so strong he couldn’t even control them, selfish to think that anything he cared about wasn't doomed by his presence. Shadow couldn’t control himself. Not his mind, not the nagging voice in his head, not the way he loved Sonic. It was terrifying, dangerous . 

Wasn't this what the scientists had thought of him before they shot his sister through the skull?

If that wasn't proof of Sonic's inevitible fate, wasn't reason enough for him to force himself away and hate himself for even entertaining the idea that someone else could genuinely love him, that was simply another box to check off of the long list of reasons why Maria should have been the one in the capsule, not him.

“God damn it,” he muttered aloud, voice shaky, and suddenly everything felt so much more liquidy, orbiting him like all of the stars, locking eyes with him, and their mouths opened in a piercing screech. Shadow stumbled to the well he barely used anymore, threw the bucket down its gaping maw with a clatter. Slowly, trembling fingers pulled the dripping water up, unsure and uncaring whether or not it was clean. 

He took a sip and the world was slipping through his fingers again. 

-

This time, when he woke the sun was nearing the horizon. 

It was windy, and the leaves were rustling above his head. He had half a mind to drift off again, curled up in the grass, empty bucket on the ground beside him. But the sip of water he had taken hours(days? years?) ago had done absolutely nothing and his throat was burning, scratching his lungs and mouth. With a groan, he stood. The well water was surprisingly clear. He drank it from the bucket in large, desperate gulps. Slowly but surely, the thirst scraping his throat waned, crawling back to his cave. 

Like I should , he thought, but when he glanced up at the gaping hole in the cliffside leading into his abode, a thrum of dread pulsed in his chest. Not sure exactly what he was doing, he turned away and began to walk, then run, into the emptiness and darkness of the woods, ducking away from the fading starlight before those damned pinpricks of light appeared. 

Shadow wasn’t sure where he was going, all he knew was that he had to keep pushing, to rid his limbs of that stupid ache. A burst of pain stung his shoulder and he ignored it, leaping over boulders and fallen logs, darting around the base of a mountain. He chastised himself along the way, power and rage and regret licking up and down his blurred limbs.

Running like this, high on adrenaline, always leads me to something I will inevitably regret. I know that.

I've never been able to fathom another option.

He skidded to a stop when the trees began to thin, the smell of the ocean wafting through the air. Something’s not right . 

There were footprints on the ground, broken twigs hanging limp from branches. Cautiously, he turned, and his eye caught the flickering of firelight in the distance. He slowly advanced. 

There was a very recognizable figure sitting by the fire, lost in whatever he was doing, fiddling with things in his lap. Shadow swallowed, turning away. He couldn’t do this right now. Not ever.

His impulsivity had other ideas, and before he knew it he was strolling into the clearing. “Doctor.” 

His voice was far shakier than he would have liked. 

Eggman jumped with a yell of surprise, throwing whatever he was working on a few feet into the air. It crashed to the ground before him, a mess of bolts and wires sparking. “ God , Shadow! Warn me next time! I’m on medication for a reason!”

“What are you doing here?” Shadow raised an eyebrow at the dying campfire before him, the scraps of metal littering the ground, the holes torn in Eggman’s coat. 

“Well, my base is obviously out of commission, and Sonic won’t let me room with him. Something about having learned his lesson from last time, whatever that means” He grumbled, picking the snarl of machinery up, fiddling with the wires and brushing dirt out of its circuitry. “After all we’ve been through together.”

Shadow squinted. “Didn’t you just celebrate the hundredth time you tried to kill him?”

“That’s beside the point.”

“Whatever. Do you have any idea how to undo the soulbond?”

The doctor locked eyes with him, as if contemplating something, then looked away, a strand of mischief threaded in his voice. “Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. It’s far too entertaining. Seriously, it’s like a reality tv show!” He spread his hands, eyes gleaming. “Just imagine it. A catchy theme song, maybe with some guitar(and me, of course, on either the marimba or the kazoo, your choice). ‘Two idiot hedgehogs can’t hide their feelings about each other anymore’. Flashing lights! Hollywood actors!”

“Who said anything about-” Shadow started, hostility flaring in his chest. 

“I’m more observant than you think, Shadow. I am a scientist, you know, and you two are a pair of fascinating specimens to study.” 

“...So you did this on purpose ?!”

“Eh, kind of. It was more of a lucky coincidence.” He presumably finished tinkering with the mess in his hands and pulled what looked like Cubot’s head, scratched up and detached from his body, out from the pile of scraps and junk. “I’m not complaining, though. It’s the most entertaining thing I’ve seen in years. Sonic gets so boring after a while, a little character development would do him some good. And you always felt so static to me. It didn’t seem right. This is a nice change.” The doctor unscrewed a forehead panel. “We are almost cousins, in a convoluted way. If this is the only way to get you to leave your cave other than lying to you about Sonic’s opinion of you, I’ll take it!”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Eggman’s eyes narrowed in confusion, then widened in understanding. “Shoot, I forgot the stasis chamber messed up your memory. Uhh… oops?” 

“Back up , Doctor,” Shadow snarled, lunging and gripping the collar of Robotnik's coat, and the air thickened, his hand clenching into a fist. “What do you mean, stasis chamber? How do you know about my memories?”

“I-” Robotnik sighed, almost resigned, having caught himself in his own trap. “My grandfather, Gerald Robotnik, was your creator.”

As soon as the name fell from the Doctor’s mouth, it wormed its way into the gaping hole in Shadow’s brain, accompanied by proud smiles and eyes that never seemed to fully see him, the same desperate speech about how close he was to saving Maria. He shook it away before he could be reminded of his failures again, but the damage had been done, echoing in his ears, etching scars in his brain, tearing stitches and reopening long-dormant wounds. Unbidden, his fists unclenched, letting the doctor stumble back.

“He said you were his greatest creation and you were supposed to be his legacy, whatever that meant.” Eggman looked up at the cruel, empty sky, all of the witty banter fading from his voice as he recounted memories that had been collecting dust on the shelves of his brain. “He created you to try to achieve immortality. The files he left said that your DNA is part alien, some species called the black arms. I never knew much about him. In fact, I only met him once before he left to rot away in that old space station.”

Every word sent Shadow’s head spinning, and Eggman seemed to shy away from the visible confusion on his face. “That’s all I know.” Quietly, almost hesitantly, he tacked on an “I wish I knew more.”

There was so much that had just been loosened from the padlocked snarl of his(Stolen? Abandoned?) memories, falling to the ground around him. More needles, knives, and blood that he quickly glanced away from, scouring the fragments of his faded recollections for something. He wasn’t sure quite what yet. 

He should have felt something. Relief? Joy? Sadness? Pain? But no, his emotions were flat, static, his brain an empty canvas. The only things thrumming in his chest were muted shock and confusion.

Shadow’s hands brushed against a cold window. He pushed away, flashed into a bed, strapped and immobile, shuddering and letting it fade to nothingness in his fingers. 

“Well, that’s enough confronting trauma for today,” Eggman grumbled, standing and affixing Cubot’s presumably fixed skull to his body. “I’ll be scouring the ruins of my base for something to eat. Don’t let the forest catch on fire.”

Shadow didn’t notice when he left, silently staring into the flames, breath quickening as he recovered. Everything was loose, falling apart, fading at his touch. 

God, he would do anything for something he could lean on, something about himself that he could trust, confront without spiraling into a panic attack. There was nothing constant in his life anymore, not Sonic, not himself, not even Eggman . Not his feelings, catching like burrs on his fur and memories, dragging him to the ground, spiraling around him in a colorful, hideous mess. Not the way that his shoulder ached of his own doing, the faded tiredness(and was that grief?) still echoing from Sonic’s chest. 

“This is for the good of the world,” they had insisted, scarring his legs. “ This is for Maria’s well-being,” they had said, slicing open his chest. “This is for science,” they proclaimed, reducing his hand to a stump finger by finger. 

He found he had only cared about one of those things. He didn’t anymore. He couldn’t anymore. Not when caring just brought so much pain, so much loss, a bittersweet wave, a gunshot and a scream as an escape pod was ejected from the colony . 

Shadow let the memories fall from his fingers and shatter on the ground. The fire was reduced to embers, faintly glowing, fading, and giving way to fading moonlight, the sun rising in the distance. 

It all came crashing down(in the form of tears on his cheeks; he was never able to hold back for long) when he realized that sometime within the past few hours, Maria’s pleas had faded and been replaced by Sonic’s, begging him to let him in. 

-

“What’s wrong?” 

Shadow recognized the voice without having to look at her, swallowing all of the doubts circling in his brain. “Nothing,” he quickly murmured, trying not to look at the grass around him, especially not the crushed patch where Sonic’s gloved hands had pinned him to the ground, where their lips had met.

Cream frowned, sitting next to him. “You look tired.” Her voice was laced with concern, pulling Chocola into her lap. Cheese nuzzled his way in between Shadow and Cream, brushing against his leg.

“I-” Shadow sighed, looking at the ocean, the way the clouds moved. A school of fish. A beaver. A rocketship .

“I guess I am tired,” he admitted, giving up. This meadow was an area of vulnerability, he supposed. It had a way of prying at the wirings of his heart. “Tired of everything being so damn complicated .”

Tired of the needles poking at my skin. Tired of the memories that do nothing except confuse me more. Tired of stupid feelings making me do stupid things. Tired of the ache in my chest. Tired of feeling how much I devastated him. Tired of remembering that he can feel my pain just as clearly.

Something caught in his throat.

Cream tilted her head. “My mom always said that life isn’t really that complicated, people just think too much.” She was petting Chocola, scratching his neck. “I was... sad, a few days ago. I was worried about growing up. But Mama said that I should just do what makes me happy.” She shrugged, glancing at him. “Just do what makes you happy, Shadow.”

His voice was shaky, trembling, and he resisted the urge to let the ball of sadness and frustration and fear fall from his lips. “It’s harder than that.” Cheese blinked up at him, and he looked away before his emotions could show in his expression. “I-I don’t know how to do what makes me happy.”

I’m too scared to do what makes me happy.

“What about spending time with your friends?” Cream’s voice brightened. “Like me, Cheese, and Chocola? Talking to friends always makes me happy!” 

The ghosts of lips brushed against his. “I’m not sure how to talk to - talk to friends, though.” He confessed. More than friends. So much more. It's too much. “I haven’t had one for so long. I’m scared that I’ll mess it all up.”

I lost the last one because I wasn’t strong enough. I can’t lose the next two the same way. Just push them all away. Don’t let yourself get attached. They’ll see your weaknesses and exploit them. 

But Shadow was so tired of being alone. He didn’t need friends, lovers, but that stupid voice insisted upon wanting them. 

He was so close to caving in. 

“But you’re so brave! You saved me and Cheese from those badniks!” Cream’s voice was bright, far too warm for him, a soft blanket. 

“That’s different.” His tone was soft, laced with near-resignation. Cheese had climbed into his lap, and instinctively his hands brushed gently at blue fur. “I’m hardly used to saving other people; I’m not capable of saving myself.”

“You’re doing it right now, though!” He risked a glance at her and met shining eyes and a wide smile. “You’re talking to us! It’s not so hard, is it?”

A weight lifted from his chest. He opened his mouth to respond. 

A cry left it as a burst of pure agony leaped in Shadow’s throat. It was as if his very atoms were being ripped apart, torn at the seams. His hands flew to his head to attempt to staunch the burning pain that was flaring in his mind, flashing in front of his eyelids, fire, ice, fire again, lightning crackling, thunder racking his now-fragile body. 

“Are you ok?” Cream’s voice was panicked. The throbbing dulled for a second and his vision came back into focus. The burn was replaced by fear, anger, desperation, all bursting like fireworks from Sonic’s fur. They left a trail in the air, and panicked eyes followed it to Hedgehog Village in the distance. Faintly, he could see dots that could only be robots, and smoke rising in the sky. 

His heart leaped in his throat. Sonic’s in danger. Real, actual danger.

“I have to go,” Shadow managed, glancing at Cream before getting to his feet. He handed Cheese to her, scooping him gently from his lap. “Thank you, Cream.”

“Oh! You’re welcome!” She grinned, and Shadow felt himself smile back, the pain thrumming in his chest. 

“Stay here.” He glanced at the smoke in the distance. “It looks like the village is under attack.” A sting in his arm punctuated the statement, and he could almost hear Sonic’s cry of surprise. 

“Are you going to save more people?”

He nodded wordlessly, and Cream met his eyes, a mix of fear and hope swirling in her irises. Chocola squeaked at her side and a warmth spread through his heart, holding the pain at bay for a moment. 

Without another word, he took off, panic climbing in his throat, and his legs moved faster than they ever had before. I failed. I knew I had from the start. I let myself get attached. Amy will never forgive me. Hell, I'll never forgive myself. But it'll be so, so much worse if he...

Maria wouldn't want me to lose the only other being I've ever cared about. I let myself love him; I can’t lose him now.

I have to save him.

Chapter Text

Running was harder than it should have been for the Ultimate Lifeform, especially with how often he'd been doing it lately.

Sonic’s fear smelled metallic in the air, wafting around his fur, and everywhere it came in contact with was burning, stinging, like chemicals poured onto his skin, digging into his flesh. Shadow was used to pain but this was pushing his limits, a constant stinging sensation climbing up his throat, bursting from his esophagus. His stride was uneven, shaky, trembling on a knife’s edge, toeing the line between unbearable pain and terror. 

What if he wasn’t fast enough? Strong enough? Smart enough? 

I can’t lose him. I can’t. I can’t. I won’t let myself.

I failed once before. I won’t again.

Driven by a new determination shooting from his chest, he pushed forward, sand blurring in his wake, punctuated by the thud thud thud of his heart, urging him on. 

The village was in flames, which wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, but they were green and unnatural, consuming everything with a ferocity that Shadow had never before seen. They smelled of sulfur and stung in his throat, spewing smoke into the sky. The doctor was cackling, hovering in his ship and observing his triumph, and as per usual he had no control over whatever he had unleashed upon the town, opting instead to sit and watch as chaos ensued below. Amy and Knuckles were helping people out of burning buildings, Tails was facing Eggman head-on with some of his own robots, and Sticks was screaming at the fire, something about ‘scientific propaganda’ and ‘I know what you are!’

He darted into the blazing ruins without a second thought, unseen, dropping the small stones of anticipatory anxiety and Amy’s echoing threats to the ground at his feet.

Everything was crumbling around him and his first thought was that he couldn’t breathe, the smoke filling his lungs like water, wrapping around his esophagus with strings of dread, burning burning burning . 

Vaguely, Shadow registered the pain as similar to Sonic’s and just as soon realized that he was making it worse, doubling the agony they were both in right now, and in the clear air it had been easy to outrun it and douse it in adrenaline but now it latched onto his skin, dug into his flesh with unwelcome teeth. He suddenly realized how blurry everything was, the way his vision was spinning, darkening, chemicals stinging his eyes, climbing up his nostrils, clambering their way into his mouth. Gritting his teeth, he pushed forward, closing his eyes. 

In the darkness that consumed him, he felt a sudden warmth, as if with the absence of his most vital sense came a heightened awareness of the agony and fear and frustration dripping from Sonic’s skin. Unsure of exactly what he was doing, he reached out a hand, feeling it in the air, like a ribbon licking up his skin, brushing against his fur, gently tugging him forward, towards his soulbond. With closed eyes, he stumbled forward, pushing against the incredible force that billowed against his face, combatting his every move, stinging and slapping his skin.

Of course, it was now that doubt began to lick its way up his throat. 

Gerald was eyeing him, trying his best to look like he cared. His eyes were cold with disappointment. “Another failed test.” He shrunk away, turning, gripping tighter to the threads of warmth brushing his fingers. One foot in front of the other. Just keep moving . 

It was Maria now, her gaze sharp, frozen, anger and disappointment oozing from her voice. “You should have saved me.” She took a step towards him and he instinctively flinched back, jolted back into the real world when he nearly tripped over a smoldering piece of debris. His eyes were on fire, his lungs were screaming, clawing at his esophagus, shredding his chest open. His breath caught in his throat, raspy and dirty, full of green smoke. 

A flash of blue. 

Was he hallucinating? 

Shadow instinctively closed his eyes again and the warmth that was tugging at him sharpened, more defined than ever. 

“You couldn’t save me,” Maria’s tone was laced with a thousand knives and needles, digging into his flesh. “What makes you think you can save him?”

“I have to try!” He snarled, tears stinging his cheeks, brought on by the chemicals clinging to the undersides of his eyelids. Pushing forward, stumbling blindly through his blurred surroundings, periodically squeezing his eyes closed to find his way. The agony was eating away slowly at his resolve, a ticking time bomb. Sonic’s fear was only strengthening his own, flashing, slicing through the air like knives, whizzing between his eyes. 

God, he was so close . His fur was burning, singed in some places, sweat dripping down his neck, reaching through darkness and praying to gods that had forsaken him long ago that he didn’t stumble into a burning building, not when Sonic was right there and he was the only one who could save him, who even knew what was happening to him. The trail was tingling in his hands, fizzing in his grasp, warming as he got closer and closer. 

He stopped. A tug on his arm. A gentle pluck at his heartstrings.

Swallowing, he opened his eyes. 

Electricity was crackling in the air, licking through the bursts of emerald fire consuming everything around him. A raspy cry came from dry lungs, and he could feel the ache in his own throat. 

Shadow leaped forward, heart hammering in his chest, beating with shared agony. His face was wet with tears.

His fingers brushed blue fur and everything flashed, a spark glowing between them for a split second, and he could see it in the air, the azure fear, the crimson pain, connecting them like thread, needles stitching them together, a patchwork tapestry, frayed and damaged, barely functional, but still beautiful.

The flames faded along with the rest of the world as he stumbled to his knees, then the ground, darkness consuming his vision, tugging him into whatever mess Sonic had managed to get himself into. 

-

The first thing Shadow felt was a pulse, pressing against his wrist, wrapping around him in threads of warmth, as if cradling him close.

In opening them, he remembered that he had eyes. The only way to describe his surroundings was a clutter of empty space, colors and sensations whirling in higher-dimensional space, incomprehensible. It was as if the very fabric of the universe was bending and folding in on itself, concentrated energy leaping and buzzing through the air, passing through his fingers with fireflies flashing and dancing at his touch. 

Sparks were pulsing from his fingers, traveling up and down the threads he was tangled in, shooting off into the nothingness around him, and curiously he tugged at the strings. Moments later, he felt a tug back, along with what had to be Sonic’s relief shooting back to him through the wire. It’s the soulbond , he realized, brushing the warmth lightly, reassuringly. Sonic’s here too. I’m not alone . 

He was suddenly aware of eyes watching him, studying him, scanning him up and down, scouring every crack and crevice in his skin, digging into the folds of his brain. Shadow flinched backward, but not before he was pulled, the thread tightening around his limbs, dragging him through space quicker and quicker, colors blurring behind him until he was engulfed by nothingness again, the only remnant of his awareness keeping up with him the ringing in his ear as if someone was calling his name. 

In an instant, with the folding of fabric, Shadow was swimming, hand outstretched, water pulsing under his touch, glowing below him, trailing from blue fur. Sonic’s eyes were closed and his mouth was open, body limp, faint panic and pain bubbling from his skin. He growled and pushed harder, kicking with all his might, heart leaping in his chest. The current was strong, blowing him from his course, dragging him away.

He gripped the threads that connected them and pulled, dragging the blue hedgehog closer, and Sonic opened his eyes in surprise, blown wide in terror, the pressure in his lungs increasing tenfold. His thoughts -- since when could Shadow sense those? -- were a mess of helphelphelp and can’t BREATHE , flailing in the strong currents pulling him. Sonic hesitated for a moment before reaching up, a flash of recognition followed by fear in his stomach, and Shadow felt his shoulder twinge, regret bitter on his tongue.

Shadow wrapped his arms around Sonic’s waist and the water instantly calmed, the surface sinking toward them and the ground rising to meet their feet. Sonic broke the surface with a gasp, coughing up water, trembling, echoes of agitation fading way to relief as his lungs filled with oxygen. He was clinging to Shadow like a wet leaf, shaking and shivering, burying his head in his chest, and Shadow gripped his fur tightly. 

“I’ve been drowning for two hours,” he rasped, and Shadow pulled him close, his breath quickening. “Please don’t hurt me. Please. I can’t--"

“I won’t hurt you again. I’m sorry,” he managed in response, cradling him tightly, fingers brushing the still-fragile shoulder they shared, and the threads connecting their wrists and ankles were glowing with relief. Shadow could see the way the slowing beating of his heart pulsed between them.

He still trusts me. Why does he still trust me?

He’s too good . 

Sonic opened his mouth to respond but didn’t get the chance. 

They were pulled apart, hands prying them away from each other, and Shadow let out a cry of surprise, reaching for Sonic. The hands were gloved, cool nylon gripping his wrists tightly, and his heart leapt in dismay as he realized that their faces were blank, covered partially by paper masks. And now Sonic was here, Sonic could see everything that was happening, could feel the blades that began to dig into his skin. Shadow couldn’t bring his eyes away, used to the pain but not used to the tears wetting his cheeks at the beads of blood that were etching themselves into Sonic’s fur. “Shadow!” His voice was hoarse, raw, but he could do nothing, held back by a thousand hands clinging onto his limbs. 

“No!” Shadow snarled, straining at the chains that lashed him in place, at the fingernails digging into his skin. A blade sliced open his stomach, another one gashing stripes of blood into his side, and he watched as scars were painted onto Sonic’s skin in crimson. The pain was stinging but it was nothing compared to the look of horror on Sonic’s face, and he bit back more tears. His teeth were gritted, and there was surprise(and a sinking realization) falling from his fur like smoke.

In one swift move, with a roar more primal than Shadow had ever expected, Sonic broke free, growling as he whipped around, the hands retreating from his limbs. He dove for Shadow, extending his hand, and Shadow took it without hesitation. The thread touched the chains and they shattered, the metal exploding with so much force that it sent the hands flying, masks tumbling off blank faces, spinning into the void. Shadow stumbled forward and Sonic caught him before he fell. “I recognized them,” Sonic whispered, voice hollow as if a part of him was hesitating. “Why did I recognize them? Why did you recognize them?!”

There was panic swirling around them, suffocating them, drowning them, and Shadow didn’t know what else to do about the fear that settled in his stomach except bury his head in Sonic’s peach chest fur, listen to his heartbeat, feel the way Sonic’s hands instinctively went to his shoulders. The thoughts racing in Shadow’s head said all he needed to, all he wasn’t strong enough to. “They were in your past,” Sonic realized, his voice quiet but dark, sharp with the horrifying realization he had just come to, and despair mixed with anger in his tone, red and blue. “They did that to you.”

Shadow’s silence was the only answer Sonic needed and his breath caught in his throat, pulling him closer. “I'll make them pay--They won't hurt you, not anymore--” he managed hoarsely, and Shadow shook his head, pushing away and stumbling back, the blood dripping from Sonic’s chest and sides(that was his fault ) spiraling out of control, dripping from the threads that tangled them. 

“ I’m the one that’s hurting you ,” he rasped, and everything shattered. 

They were instantly sucked into the void of space, fraying threads floating aimlessly in nothingness, and Shadow’s first thought was cold . 

His second thought was a visceral flinch of terror as billions of stars blinked into existence around him, needled pupils focusing on his skin, the blood dripping down his fur. He was trapped in an endless void of nothingness, floating aimlessly with no control over anything around him, and the stars were boring into his flesh, smoking and burning. Frost crept up his arms and legs. There was no air for his cries to travel through, only deafening silence, and the oxygen left his lungs, vanishing into the darkness. 

There should have been purple flashing before his eyes, the sickening greens and periwinkles of his fear, but there was nothing, just a cage of luminaries and empty space and a slight pressure behind his eyes. 

A tug at his wrists. 

Slowly, he turned. Sonic was gripping tightly to the threads connecting them, shimmering faintly in the darkness, the frayed edges mending themselves. Shadow shouldn’t have reached out but his instincts got the best of him, extending a hand to grab the strings, reeling closer and closer to the twin heartbeat, to the warmth in his chest. 

You’ll just hurt him more.

But won’t you do that by pushing him away again, too?

Their fingers brushed and they were falling. 

-

Amy hissed a curse, leaping from the smoldering ruins of the empty house. The fire was out and the smoke was clearing, but Sonic was still nowhere to be seen. 

Stupid , she swore at herself, hammer suddenly feeling a little heavier as her shoulders sagged. You were supposed to protect him. He’s hurt. Reckless. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tails helping a family out of a pile of rubble, Knuckles by his side lifting a huge collapsed wall to allow them to leave safely. Everyone’s doing their part , she thought, determination pulsing in her chest as she turned to the ruins surrounding her where Sonic had disappeared. I’ve got to try. I’ve got to find him . 

Amy leaped over a decimated wall, walking slowly through smoking dilapidated streets, scanning the ground for anything useful -- a cobalt quill, a tuft of peach fur, a telltale hole torn through a wall by a spin dash. “Sonic?” She called, half-heartedly.

No answer.

She wasn’t sure why she opened the door to this particular building or started inside the ashy hallways. There was a tug on her heartstrings. 

The smoke was thick here. Probably a good sign . She felt something residual resonating in the air, vibrating ominously, casting a faint green glow on the walls. There was a buzzing sound coming from down the hallway, quiet but present. 

She turned the corner and her eyes widened. 

The basement door was open, and a machine lay whirring away inside, shivering and shaking. Amy ran down the stairs, quills standing up, reacting to the energy coming from the machine that was trembling, almost bending under its own will. It was almost like a dome, the base made from scrap metal and circuitry sticking out of badly-welded parts. Wires were sparking up and down its sides, and Eggman’s logo was imprinted on the control panel.

The scariest part, though, was the top half of the machine, or rather what was inside it. The semiopaque glass cast a greenish sheen on two figures, laying still, Shadow’s arm barely brushing Sonic’s, crackling with so much lightning that they were barely recognizable. 

She would have been furious if she wasn’t so afraid. 

Amy’s eyes widened as the lightning changed colors, flashing from red to blue to green to purple. She touched the glass and flinched back, shocked, heart jumping in her chest, followed by a hiss of pain screeching up her arm. Inside, the two hedgehogs flinched, as if her touch had shocked them too. Biting her lip, she pulled away.

I can’t get them out without hurting them. They’re trapped. 

The control panel chirped, and a screen slotted into view. Maybe she could stop it somehow? She had to. But Sonic was underwater, sinking slowly and flailing, and of all people it was Shadow reaching for him, gripping his hand too gently, as if he was afraid Sonic would shatter at his touch. There were some kind of strings connecting them, entangled around limbs and chests, and they glowed in a thousand different colors. 

The same colors as the lightning , Amy realized, watching as they flashed turquoise, then orange -- relief and surprise. It’s the soulbond.

A button was lit up on the control panel. Subject #1, it read. Greatest fear . 

They were speaking, but Amy couldn’t hear anything, could just watch as Sonic leaned into Shadow, gripping him tightly, gasping and soaked. A pang of jealousy stung her stomach. She pushed it away, trying her best to replace it with anger and frustration. You can’t make him happy , She thought bitterly, watching the way the bond shimmered a striking magenta. All you can do is try to keep him safe from people like Shadow, who will just toy with his heart, shatter his bones . 

Isn’t that what he wants?

Nylon-gloved hands broke them apart as she watched helplessly, fear climbing up her throat and escaping in a gasp through her mouth, covered by a shocked hand. Amy was frozen as they grabbed Shadow, violently ripping him from Sonic’s grasp, hand outstretched and mouth wide in a silent cry. She couldn’t bring herself to look away as they pinned him to a cot, chains strapping him to the mattress, and a knife dug into his flesh, drawing hot, thick blood from his skin, gushing from the wounds in rivers of crimson. The bond was glowing with a deep red -- pain -- and a sharp mix between silver and dark gray -- fear . 

The button lit up again. Subject #2: Traumatic Experience . 

Shadow’s ruby eyes were wide, not with surprise, but with recognition, recoiling away from the hands gripping his limbs as if he’d done it a thousand times before. He wasn’t flinching at the pain; instead, he was looking at Sonic as his wounds were dug into blue fur, the bond glowing a dark navy to match, the color of despair. Amy’s hand went to her mouth as a realization struck her, horror shooting through her veins.

This happened to him. Someone did this to Shadow. That’s why he’s the way he is . 

A small pool of sympathy bubbled inside her. She pushed it away.

Eyes locked to the screen, frozen in place, Amy Rose was too conflicted notice the door to the basement creaking open until the barrel was pressed to the back of her head.

Chapter Text

They landed hard in the sand with a shared grunt, clinging to each other and rolling a few dozen feet before finally coming to a stop. It hurt to untangle his arms from Sonic’s, dried blood caking his fur, face pressed into his chest. The pain wasn't entirely physical. There was a faint ringing in his ear, and he was shivering, quaking, bruised, and battered.

“Why?” Shadow choked, struggling to his feet. 

“Shhh.” Sonic rose beside him and captured his hands, meeting his eyes, and Shadow froze, heart leaping in his throat. Despite everything, he’s still here. He hasn’t forgiven me for what I did, but he still cares. 

This isn’t real.

Is it?

The rise and fall of Sonic’s chest fur tickled his own. The moment froze over and Shadow was content to stay where he was, barely brushing Sonic’s chest, hand in hand. 

“Because I care about you.” Sonic’s voice was raw with emotion.

“Huh?” 

“You asked why I saved you. Why I keep coming back, despite everything you’ve done to me. It’s because I--" He paused, and the air was royal blue with speckles of soft red. “I can’t stop caring about you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I get that you don’t want me, but--"

“I do.”

Sonic paused. “...What?”

“I want you. Damn it , Sonic, I want you so badly , but I can’t- I can’t let myself--"

Claws piercing his palms. “Then why’d you do it?” Glass digging into his feet. “Why did you just -- just push me away? Why did you hurt me?” A knife was drawn across his chest. 

“Because I don’t deserve you.” Shadow's voice broke, everything collapsing all at once. “I… I was created as an experiment, I’m not natural, I don’t feel real, I’m a -- I’m a weapon , Sonic. Weapons can’t love .”

“No,” Sonic snarled, fierce, and he pulled Shadow closer, his eyes raging with a hurricane of emotions, colors brightening. “Shadow, where you come from does not define you. No one can define you except yourself. You’re free , Shadow. Let yourself love. I promise you, you are real. What I--” he choked. "What I'm feeling, what we're both feeling, it has to be real. I want this, Shadow. I want to help you heal."

It all came to a tipping point, a knife’s edge, a needlepoint, a superposition, suspense building and building, peaking, preparing for the fall.

Shadow collapsed in Sonic’s arms and sobbed, and suddenly it was all too much. “I’m sorry,” he choked. “I’m sorry that I--"

Before he could finish his sentence, he was torn away from his other half, a gasp ripped from his throat, metal claws wrapped tightly around him, piercing his skin. He reached out but Sonic was pinned in place, held to the ground by another robotic arm. Shadow heard a cry and turned, horror lighting up the air around him. He couldn’t rip his eyes away as they met Amy’s, grass-green, and she was looking at him for the first time not with anger but with fear, pain, despair, struggling against the bonds holding her in place.

She opened her mouth in a guttural scream as a blade ran her through the heart.

Sonic let out a guttural cry, reaching for her, sharp helplessness bursting from his chest and piercing Shadow through the heart. Her limp body was tossed to the sandy ground, a crimson fountain spurting from her torso, and she was replaced by Tails, letting out a whimper of pain as sharp metal dug into his skin. Knuckles and Sticks were meeting a similar fate behind him, the former trying and failing to burst out of the claw’s iron grip and the latter flailing and screaming at the robot that was staring down at them, eyes cold and uncaring.

Tails was speared in the stomach, a cry of agony escaping his throat, and Sonic yelled again, struggling and snarling, his eyes darkening with the purest fear and fury that Shadow had ever felt leaping from his fur. Shadow barely had time to let the shock popping in his stomach like rocks settle, turning away from Amy and Tails bleeding out on the beach(and you’re too weak to save them, a voice taunted him and Sonic alike, echoing around the dome of the sky. You’re too late. You're useless.). He was yanked through the air by the claw, brought face-to-face with a finger sharpened to a knife’s edge, and fear licked at his limbs(or Sonic’s, or both. Was there really a difference anymore?).

In the high that the terror brought, there was a small flash of clarity, a realization. Meadow eyes winked at him from the sky. This place… it shows us our greatest fears. But it’s just a fabrication. It has to be . 

If this is all fake, shouldn’t I be able to beat it?

The blade shot forward, aiming directly between his eyes. With a snarl, all of the fear and tension and anger both he and Sonic felt exploded from Shadow’s mouth, the bond glowing white-hot, sizzling at his fingers. He broke his hand free, raising it up to protect his skull, and the threads webbing between his fingers and limbs and Sonic's raging emotions sliced cleanly through the metal like a hot knife through butter. The circuitry melted with a metallic wail, sending the bot stumbling back, releasing its prey. Shadow landed in a roll and darted over to the blue hedgehog, trembling, snarling, fear and instability clouding the air around him. “No,” Sonic whispered, voice raspy, broken , looking around frantically. “No, no, no--"

Shadow swallowed, reaching out, but Sonic vanished in a flash, running towards Tails’ limp body, lying next to Amy’s. Knuckles and Sticks were nowhere to be seen but that didn’t matter now, not when Sonic let out a choked sob, gathering his brother’s lifeless, crimson-stained body in his arms, falling to his knees next to Amy’s still chest. 

Her eyes burst open, a cold, sickly green, nothing like the soft pastel grass color they had been before, glowing so brightly they pierced Sonic’s(and Shadow’s) chest, burrowing their way into flesh, smoke falling from her mouth. “You could have saved me.” She spoke, monotone but sharp, laden with a cold heaviness that latched onto blue and black fur alike. “You could have saved me, saved Tails, saved everyone you loved, but you were too slow .”

Shadow’s hand found Sonic’s shoulder and he whipped around, locking eyes with him, and there was a raw emptiness in his irises, laid bare in black, deep blue, bruised clouds of grief and loss clouding the air, the thickest fog of emotions Shadow had seen yet. “It’s not real,” he found himself saying. “This-This place, it’s like a living nightmare. It finds our greatest fears. It wants to trap us here.”

This is what he’s done for me, dozens of times over. The least I can do is to try to return the favor. As if punctuating his point, Tails’ body began to fade in Sonic’s arms, his hands clutching at nothing. “I’m here,” Shadow murmured, and something shifted in Sonic’s eyes when his hand stayed solid, brushing blue fur. “I’ll stay with you. No matter what.” His voice was soft, and something seemed to crack in his resolve, a small smile spreading across his face despite himself. “You can’t outrun me that easily, faker.”

And despite everything, despite the blood staining his hands, despite the fists that had shattered his shoulder, despite the thorns that sliced and cut at anyone who tried to get close, despite how frayed and cracked and broken he was, Sonic didn’t push him away when Shadow pulled him into a delicate embrace. 

“They’re dead.” Sonic’s voice was concave, shivering, slid sharply from a gravelly throat. “They’re dead and I couldn’t save them, I wasn’t -- I --"

“No, they’re not,” Shadow whispered, brushing a tear from Sonic’s cheek. “Your friends are strong. This is just a nightmare, Sonic. We can get through this. I’m here. I won’t leave again. I promise.”

(And he meant it. It almost surprised him, the ease with which he dedicated himself, how simple it was to just follow his gut, the tugging of his heartstrings, instead of pushing it away like he had for so long.

He loved Sonic. 

He couldn’t let go, so he held him tighter instead, and maybe together they could mend the damaged, cracked parts of their souls.)

Sonic sobbed quietly and messily into his chest, and Shadow gathered him, frayed edges and all, into his arms. The threads were glowing, weaving in and out, around and behind them, interlocking their wrists, tingling against legs, pulsing with their shared heartbeat, red yellow blue pink, and Shadow was reminded that with every negative connotation came a positive. Red could be pain, or it could be passion. Yellow could be cowardice or sunlight. Blue could be grief or peace. 

Pink could be a weakness, or it could be love.

They were quivering, now, and the world was folding again, unraveling, spooling into more and more thread, more and more emotion and energy tangling around them, pulling them closer, burning and freezing, stinging and healing, loud and quiet all at once, a whisper and a scream, a laugh and a sob, a smile and a cry of despair, crackling but still. 

“Thank you,” Sonic whispered, and neither knew quite where the words came from. “I -- you -- you make me feel safe. I don’t -- you shouldn’t -- but --"

Shadow swallowed but didn’t hesitate. “I won’t leave, Sonic. I won't. I won’t hurt you again. I can’t.”

It was so bright but he couldn’t close his eyes. For a millisecond, Shadow could have sworn that there was a flash of meadow-green.

The clouds were woven from light, and they swallowed them whole.

-

Amy flinched away from the gun pointing at her skull, crying out in surprise. In one swift movement, she brought her hammer up, knocking the firearm to the ground, and in the next millisecond had it raised, ready to hit Eggman through the ceiling with the force of all her helplessness. “What did you do to them?!” she snarled, taking a dangerous step forward. 

“They did this to themselves.” The doctor retaliated, not backing down in the slightest. He pulled another gun from his seemingly endless holster. “Step away from the prototype, Rose.”

“Absolutely not.” Her voice trembled. “You’re going to do whatever the hell you have to do to turn it off and get them out. Now .”

He paused. “Uh… I can’t?”

“What the hell do you mean you can’t?” Amy roared. “You built it !”

“This wasn’t its intended purpose!” Eggman barked, gesturing wildly at the machine, vibrating and shaking, glowing brighter every second, the two hedgehogs inside crackling with more lightning than before. “This was a prototype. It was never supposed to be used! There’s a reason it’s in the basement of some random local’s house! How the hell did they even find it?” 

“You think I know?” Amy cried, desperation lacing her tone. “You always mess everything up! First, you soulbound them, and now – now Sonic’s confused, hurt, and Shadow–” She swallowed. “You should have just left Shadow alone! He doesn’t deserve to go through this, no one does, and he’s just hurting Sonic more!”

Eggman frowned. “Not to play Devil's Advocate, Have you ever considered that Shadow might be hurting himself instead?” 

“Whatever!” She snapped, hand tightening on her hammer. “That doesn’t matter right now! All that matters is that they’re both safe!”

It didn’t occur to her to be shocked that she gave a shit about Shadow’s well-being. 

“Why do you care so much?” He replied, far too calmly, ever observent. “For all you know, they could be fine. The effects of the soulbond on this prototype? They could be anything. Look on the bright side! This is… uhh… for science! The benefit of the world!” A nervous giggle left his lips. 

“Do they look fine to you?”

His silence spoke volumes.

“Exactly,” Amy’s voice was low, shivering with barely-contained rage. She risked a glance at the screen and barely recognized Shadow struggling against a metal claw, crying out in pain. His fur was caked with blood, and his real body shifted, distraught. “I care so much because I love Sonic, you absolute piece of shit, and if Shadow dies he’ll be heartbroken forever.”

The doctor squinted. “But aren’t you in lo--"

He was cut off by a burst of energy, crackling through the air, raising Amy’s quills and tearing a cry of surprise from her lungs. It licked up and down the machine, sparks flying through the air, and the shaking of its circuitry intensified. Inside the dome, Shadow had captured Sonic’s hands in his, and the lightning traveling between their fingers was a billion different colors, so bright it almost hurt to look at, dancing from quill to nose to palm to stomach. 

Eggman looked at the mess he had caused, the energy dancing through the air, and bit his lip. “...Well shit.”

“What did-”

Robotnik ignored her, shoving her out of the way and frantically messing with something on the control pad, swearing when it didn’t work, eyes wide with panic. “Shit, shit, shit. We need to turn it off, now .”

“They’re getting hurt!” Amy snarled, fists clenching, and everything shook beneath her. They’re getting hurt and there’s nothing you can do. They’re going to die and there’s nothing you can do . “Get them out of there! Now, Doctor!”

“What the hell do you think I’m trying to do?” Eggman was desperately punching some sort of code into the control panel, and when it only made the quavering intensify he swore. “Their bond’s too strong. The machine isn’t built to handle it. It’s going to destabilize, not just killing them but making the prototype explode with all of its built-up power, which, in case you were wondering, is an astronomical amount. The two of them? At the moment, they’re a living, breathing, nuclear bomb.” 

There was a ringing in her ear. “There has to be a way!” She cried, pushing past him to stare in horror at Shadow, pulling Sonic into a tight embrace, a billion hues of color exploding from their touch, knotting and wheeling around them, building and building, close to bursting. Shadow’s mouth moved in a wordless exchange. 

His arms around Sonic’s brought with them a sinking sense of finality. 

I have to do something. But I don’t know what I can do. It feels so… hopeless .

Amy’s fingers tightened around her hammer. She got a terrible, awful idea.

How do you undo a knot so tangled that the two threads are becoming indistinguishable from each other?

You gently undo it, teasing slowly at its frayed edges, with delicate care. And to do that, I need to get closer.

I need to take a leap of faith.

The lights were flashing brighter, hotter, and she squinted, calculating. 

Before she could stop herself, her hammer connected with the glass dome. Instantly a blast of heat and energy made every quill on her head stand up, brought tears to her eyes, drew a cry from her throat. Fighting against the hurricane of winds and shards of glass blowing against her, pushing her back and slicing through flesh, she reached out a hand. 

Her finger connected with fur and in a flash of light, she was sucked in, pulled into the black hole, tumbling into the abyss, scrabbling for purchase. Nothing felt real , bending and warping around her, stretching and squishing, pulling her very being apart at the seams until she was nothing more than a mere thought, a half-presence. 

She was filled with a sense, echoed by the disappearance of her limbs, that she didn’t belong. 

In failing to open it, she realized that her mouth was gone, and so was her body. She was just a faint presence, a cloud of subconsciousness floating in an endless void, pulled and pushed by the currents of energy ripping and tearing at her nonexistent flesh. She quickly crushed fear in her metaphorical palms, slotting determination in its place. 

Amy willed herself forward and was surprised when her “body” obeyed. She closed her eyes, concentrating, and willed a single hand into existence, gritting her teeth. It was so hard to stay together, to gather her resolve and force herself to collect a few septillion atoms, to arrange them into wobbly, trembling fingers. 

She grabbed at a thread and grinned when her fingers didn’t pass through it. Sweat beaded on her forehead as she struggled to hang on. It was pulling her, she realized and hoped with all her might that none of her was left behind. 

I need to find them before it’s too late.

With the thought, as if the universe was begrudgingly responding to her wishes, she was pushed forward faster than ever before, shooting through space at a speed so great she would have broken the sound barrier if she wasn’t just a cloud of molecules and energy. Squinting, she could barely see Sonic and Shadow in the distance, glowing and pulsing in space, orbiting and spinning. Amy pushed herself forward, and as she got closer her body seemed to gather itself. The pair had a gravity to them, pulling her in, and an awareness tickled her nose as it reassembled itself. 

They were afraid. 

There were threads wrapped around her wrists, too. 

And God, they were definitely in love. 

Not the time , she reprimanded the envy that blossomed in her chest. They’re dying. They’re dying , and you have the gall to be jealous?! 

Sonic’s eyes were closed and his chest rose and fell gently, fur fluttering in the wind that somehow blew through empty space. Shadow’s eyelids were shut tightly, his ears flattened in discomfort. A twinge of anger was replaced instantly by fear as she realized that she could see their hearts beating in their chests, almost indistinguishable from each other, pulsing like lighthouses, wheeling and spinning, pulsars, neutron stars, humming with energy. All of the threads were connected to these two anchors, two souls, knotted and tangled, matted.  

Swallowing, she reached for the snarls of buzzing, vibrating light, colors flowing from them like a fountain of wishes, dreams, emotions, fears, memories. “Come on,” she muttered, fingers wrapping around them, barely containing them, as if their souls were bundles of fireflies, flapping and sparking, whizzing around beneath her palms. The threads trembled at her contact, and Sonic and Shadow were both shivering, pulsing. She could feel their collective fear and passion as if it was her own. It was so vulnerable , sharing every thought, every emotion, with another. Is this what they feel like all the time ? 

The bond was magnetic, whizzing and blurring and bending everything around it, forcing Amy’s hands closer and closer together, and it was quickly heating, the particles orbiting faster and faster, almost burning to the touch. It’s destabilizing. It’s going to get too hot, be too powerful, too many strong emotions, including my own.

There’s only one way out . 

Will it hurt them?

Amy looked down, and there were tears beading at the corners of her eyes at the realization that the bond was already hurting them, reacting as it was to this… dimension between dimensions, to the personal hells that both Sonic and Shadow had been forced through. They were both wincing in their unconsciousness, flinching away from each other but unable to let go. They only have each other. 

Can I really take that away?

Isn’t this what I want, not them?

…Will he hate me?

A bittersweet taste spread across her tongue. I’d rather have an alive Sonic who despises me and a living Shadow who won’t let go of him than two limp bodies of people I care about. 

I’m sorry.

With a cry, she pulled the bond apart, marveling at how easily it broke. 

A flash of light blinded her, tugging one last time at her chest with the force of a thousand suns, and Amy closed her eyes with a bittersweet smile.

Chapter Text

The first thing Shadow heard was a ringing in his ear, the echo of a bell long past tolled, humming and vibrating and urging him to come back to reality. 

His eyes snapped open and he fell to his knees with a cry. His knee dug into a shard of sea-green and he winced, steadying himself. The floor was littered with metal and sharp fragments of glass, scorched and battered. There used to be walls surrounding… wherever he was, but they had been blown out, concrete disintegrated into near-nothingness.

He suddenly became aware of an emptiness in his chest. His hand came up to his white patch of fur, expecting to feel the comforting presence of a twin heartbeat next to his, but was met by silence. The world came to a screeching halt. 

A chill ran down his spine as he realized that he couldn’t feel Sonic’s emotions anymore.

Shadow whipped around, panicked, eyes widening, and his fur smoothed only slightly when he saw a flash of blue. He dashed to Sonic’s side and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the rise and fall of his chest. His fingers brushed peach fur, and with a jolt, like wires connecting with a spark, he felt a vague sensation of peace. He’s unconscious, but alive.

The second place his hands went was his arms and stomach, and as fingers brushed across the ghosts of stab wounds they vanished. Shadow shuddered, pushing away the flashes of knives, hands, and Sonic’s face, twisted in agony. He looked up.

Rose fur caught his eye, limp and pale. He dashed to Amy’s side, feeling something akin to despair spread across his tongue, eyes wide. No. 

He shouldn’t have cared, the voices whispered, and he shoved them away, fingers brushing her fur, matted and bruised. 

Shadow’s eyes widened as he realized what the red was, falling from her open mouth. Pain. I can feel her pain.

He squeezed his eyes shut. Remember. Why is she here? What happened? God, if only his brain had learned anything from his last bout of amnesia. It was as ironic as it was infuriating.

The only thing he could recall after Sonic collapsed in his arms other than a blinding light and cobalt fur was the feeling of a gloved hand brushing his chest, meadow-green eyes meeting his. His eyes burst open. She saved us. 

And she’s dying because of it . 

There was a tug at his palms, and before he could stop himself he followed the instincts that had been dug from the piles of unorganized, incomprehensible memories in his brain, pulling off his gloves. Shadow placed his bare hands on Amy’s chest, brushing her fur, feeling for the spot where the pain was the greatest. As if he had done this a million times before(had he? Was this what he was made for? Was there a reason for the warmth in his cheeks?), his palms began to warm and he concentrated, gathering chaos energy inside him and letting it trickle from his fingers, seep into Amy’s skin. The feeling was odd, but not entirely alien, dislodging pebbles and bricks from his hippocampus. Slowly, her pain began to ebb, replaced by a faint sensation of peace… and was that gratitude?

He shivered when Sonic stirred behind him but didn’t stop, focusing on the task at hand, bruises and scratches fading under his touch, bare claws brushing pink fur. He felt a warmth spread in his chest, bubble in his throat, and shook it away. I have to fix this. 

I’ve hurt her so much. The least I can do is heal her now.

There was a rustling behind him, a familiar grumble, and Shadow bit back an angry snarl, still frazzled and confused, gifting all of his energy back to Amy’s body, to her slowly healing wounds, quickening, steadying heartbeat. She shifted in her sleep.

“What the hell are you doing?” Eggman’s voice wafted through the air and he flicked his ear, less in acknowledgement and more in annoyance.

“I’m healing her.” Shadow’s tone was raspy, a growl, a warning . “You’re welcome to help. Or don’t. I don’t care. Just leave me alone. Whatever the hell you put me and Sonic through, for science, or entertainment, or whatever goes on in that sick brain of yours? That was the lowest blow I’ve ever seen from you, and that’s saying something.”

“I didn’t do this on purpose, Shadow. Even I have standards.” Eggman got to his feet, his hand going to his chest in mock offense, and it was then that Shadow realized how tattered his clothes were, the scrapes and bruises on his skin. “Really, how low do you think of me?”

Shadow shot him a glare, biting back a relieved sigh at the realization that Amy’s heartbeat was steady and she wasn’t in pain. “I don’t know. Maybe soulbinding me with this idiot and then almost killing us both twice has something to do with my opinion of you at the moment.” Anger bubbled in his chest and he chased it, rising to his feet, hands curled into fists. “We almost died . Amy almost died! The only reason she’s still breathing is because–”

“You healed her. Yes, yes, I know I was cutting it close. But it all worked out in the end!” Eggman shrugged, far too nonchalant. “Look, I’m… I’m sorry for whatever the soulbond did to you when it interacted with the prototype. It should never have happened and I have no idea how Sonic even got in there in the first place. But you’ll heal them both, as well as yourself. It’s what you’ve always done.” He turned away.

“What do you mean?” Shadow held himself back, that damned curiosity interrupting him as always. 

“You weren’t originally meant to be a weapon, you know. There’s a reason your limbs regenerate. There’s a reason you have access to so much chaos energy. And though I hope you never have to go through… whatever the ‘doctors’ aboard the ARK did to you again, your powers are useful for more than destruction. You’re more than whatever the government or my late grandfather wanted for you.” The doctor turned away, but not before Shadow saw the small smile on his lips. “I’d know better than anyone… well, except you.”

Shadow felt whatever he was about to say die in his throat. Eggman, forever indifferent(but not as apathetic as Shadow had once thought, it seemed), only hesitated for a moment before walking away. Ruby eyes drifted to the sky, cloudless. There was nothing to distract him.

He needed an excuse not to leave, to run with his quills in the wind, to leave Sonic’s unconscious body and Amy’s fur with freshly healed bruises.

Did he? 

(The realization that he didn’t want to leave shouldn’t have been so shocking).

He slid to the ground, back pressed against rough concrete. No one from the village, save for maybe one of Sonic and Amy’s friends, would be looking for them, probably wanting to stay as far away as possible from the site of the presumable explosion. The sky was a beautiful shade of blue, hinting towards purple at the edges. Shadow’s mind, unwilled, flashed back to cobalt fur.

As if on cue, Sonic shifted beside him, quills dusty and matted. A groan left his lips and Shadow’s eyes traveled up his lithe figure. His mouth opened, ready to let all of his emotions fall to the ground, confessions and pleads. 

“Shadow?” Sonic’s voice was raspy, fragile.

“I’m glad you’re awake,” he said instead, fingernails digging into palms. 

Sonic blinked drowsily, pushing himself up and wincing as his palm dug into glass shards. The sky was fading into apricot and gold. “I–” He paused. “I can’t feel you.”

“I think it only works when we touch,” Shadow replied, trying his best not to look at Sonic’s seaglass eyes, glittering emeralds in the wilting sunlight. 

Said eyes widened and Sonic stumbled to his feet, panic laced in his tone, shattered soulbond forgotten. “Amy!”

“She’s fine, just unconscious.” Shadow watched as a single carmine cloud marched steadily across the void above. “I mean, she wasn’t fine a bit ago, but I figured out that I can heal people. I guess my powers are useful for more than one thing.” A bitter laugh left his mouth. He was unsure of where it came from. “It’s weird. There are still things about myself that I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know who I am. What I’m doing here.”

Sonic’s hand hesitated above Amy’s chest, rising and falling steadily. “She saved us. Those eyes I saw--in the light. That was her!” He shook his head, almost fondly. 

“Even after what I did to you, to her,” Shadow muttered, more to himself than to the other. “I didn’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you .”

“Hey.” Sonic’s voice was close, and his hand met Shadow’s shoulder. The contact elicited sparks of deep green relief. “I’m not saying I’ve fully forgiven you, but we all make mistakes. What matters is that we try to make up for them.”

“But I-” His voice cracked. “I messed up so badly. I hurt you.” 

Sonic scoffed, playful, despite everything. “Please. It was only a broken bone. Nothing I’ve–”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Shadow bit his lip. “I – we – the kiss. I did that to you, made you vulnerable, and then I turned around and instantly shoved you away, broke it all. I don’t know how to fix it.”

Sonic slid to the ground next to him, and, as always, despite everything, gave him a small smile. “...You’re fixing it right now, Shadow. You’re talking to me. You’re being vulnerable. That’s all I want.” 

Silence engulfed them, swallowed them whole, as Shadow turned to meet emerald eyes. 

He swallowed, suddenly realized he was stripped raw. It was over. Sonic could see how broken he was.

So why was he still here?

“I meant it, by the way.” Sonic moved closer. Their arms were brushing. “What I said back there, wherever we were.”

Shadow swallowed, and it all collapsed, but it was ok because Sonic was there to catch him. “Me too.”

Sonic’s head fell on Shadow’s shoulder, nuzzling close. Shadow stiffened, relaxed.

He leaned back, still-bare hand circling Sonic’s torso.

It shouldn’t have felt so perfect . They were broken, shattered. Amy had been hurt, Eggman was running free, and there was still so much to be figured out, so much to define what they were, who Shadow was .

And yet.

The warmth in his heart soared, fluttering and wheeling among the clouds. Sonic’s breath was warm against Shadow’s fur. 

A soft, shivering kiss was pressed to the tufts of white on his chest. Shadow hesitated for only a moment before brushing his lips gently against Sonic’s forehead.

They watched amber melt into crimson. Sonic peeled off his gloves, bare hands cradling Shadow’s, tracing the red stripes on his fur. There was no tension, just a faint sensation of letting go, letting themselves enjoy this moment, and a silent promise that they would try to make whatever had become of this work out. 

“Thank you,” Sonic whispered, and Shadow turned to meet his eyes. “For what you did back there. I – I know I shouldn’t have broken down like that but –”

“It’s a perfectly natural reaction,” Shadow murmured. “You saw your greatest fears come true. We both did. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. You’ve done so much for me; who would I be if I didn’t help you when you were in the same situation?”

“I just –” Sonic swallowed. “I’m so… I’m so used to being the one helping everyone, you know? I don’t… I shouldn’t need help. I’m the hero. I have to be the strongest–”

“No, you don’t.” Shadow growled, suddenly fierce. “Sonic. You–” his voice broke. “You’re so brave, all the time. You’re allowed to be afraid. You’re allowed to rely on people. I mean--that's what you taught me, right? Hypocrite. If you ever fall, I’ll be there to catch you.”

Sonic stilled, nuzzled Shadow’s chest fur. “That’s supposed to be my job too, yknow. When did you get so good at pep talks?” He laughed quietly, but there was something hidden behind it. 

Shadow frowned, and his hand moved up to card through Sonic’s quills. “That wasn’t a pep talk.” he murmured softly. “That was a promise.”

A small groan sounded, and Amy was shifting. Shadow paused, then slowly rose, sudden fear and regret swelling in his chest. We just left her there. She’s suffering. There was more pain, coming from her stomach in waves, Shadow found when he rushed over to her. Sonic’s eyes bored into his back as his bare hands brushed Amy’s fur, glowing with warmth. He was beginning to feel woozy from using so much energy but it was fine, as long as she was unharmed, healed to the best of his ability.

Her eyes burst open and she flinched, honey surprise jolting from her chest. “I – what? Shadow?” She coughed, curling on her side and swearing in pain when a shard of metal dug into her fur. Shadow reached down, brushing his fingers across the scratch it left, and it stitched itself up, warmth sparking from her fingers. 

“You – you healed me. You saved me.” Amy’s voice was raspy, raw.

“You saved us first,” Shadow retaliated, pulling away. Sonic filled his place, extending a hand, and Amy bit her lip before taking it, struggling to her feet. “I – I’m sorry. The bond, I –” She froze. “I can feel you.”

Sonic pulled her into his embrace and she let out a sob, clinging to him as if she thought he would disappear, fade into nothingness in her hands. “I’m so glad you’re alive.” She whispered into his fur. “I don’t… I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Shadow’s eyes lingered on the way that she so easily dedicated herself to him and again wondered why Sonic had chosen him instead. He hesitated before looking away. 

“Ames, I…” Sonic swallowed; held her close. “I’m sorry that I can’t…”

“I don’t care.” She whispered, fiercely. “I don’t care who you’re with as long as you’re happy and safe. I don’t know if Shadow can give that to you, but if you trust him…” Her voice softened, and she pulled away. “I’m willing to take that chance.”

Shadow stiffened, fur standing on edge. She… she’s willing to let me try to be better. Even after everything I’ve done . 

He dared to look up, swallowing, stripped bare and raw before her, pouring his trust on the floor. 

(Maria smiled down at him from the purpling sky.)

Amy looked at him, then at Sonic, hesitating before pressing her lips into a solemn line. She took Sonic’s bare hand in hers. Her mouth opened, about to say something, but she stopped herself. 

She held out Sonic’s hand to Shadow, locking eyes with him. Carefully, he took it. 

(His finger brushed pink fur and he was overwhelmed with a whirlwind of guilt, sadness, and overwhelming jealousy and love. 

God, she was too good .

Warmth rose in his throat.)

“If you break his heart again, I will end you .” She growled, and Sonic winced. Shadow, however, met her challenging gaze and nodded. 

“I won’t. I promise.”

Her eyes were watering and she turned away, her voice suddenly trembling, losing all ferocity. “...Take care of him.” She whispered. 

“Hey, I can take care of myself!” Sonic protested, playful but indignant, and something was biting at his chest. 

“I know,” Amy smiled, bittersweet. “But you don’t have to anymore. Neither of you do.”

She walked away, and Sonic bit his lip, locking eyes with Shadow. Something akin to regret and uncertainty laced his fur. 

Shadow felt a rush of pure emotion choke him, suddenly nuzzling into Sonic’s chest and purring. Sonic hesitated for a moment before turning them away from Amy, a silent agreement to deal with fraying friendships another time. They were both too tired.And after fifty-odd years of turmoil, it felt so relieving to finally let himself rest. 

A single star blinked in the sunlit heavens. For once, its stare didn’t feel condescending.

Chapter Text

Shadow was tired, but he couldn’t sleep.

Sonic’s hands were carding through his quills, fur gently dipping and weaving in the breeze, laying side-by-side, face-to-face in the meadow. The grass tickled his bare hands. Crickets chirped and fireflies lit up the darkness around them. They sat in a delicate silence, pooling and rippling around them, tangled through their brushing legs.

“The sky’s so pretty,” Sonic murmured, gaze cast upward to look at the stars. Shadow turned to face them, meet their cold eyes for the first time in a long, long time. I’m not running away from you anymore.

I’m so tired of running .

He hummed in agreement, flicking his ear. 

“Shadow.” There was something akin to hesitation clouding Sonic’s tone, laced into the way his fingers hesitated on crimson stripes. “... What we saw back there?” 

Shadow swallowed. The question wasn’t specific by any means, and he realized it was Sonic’s way of letting him choose whether or not he was ready to talk about it. “I…” 

Sonic’s voice was soft. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, you know.”

“No, it’s – it’s fine.” Shadow mumbled, pressing closer to Sonic’s chest. “It’s just a lot.” 

“Is that…” Sonic trailed off, trying to find the right words. “What they did to you, the doctors… is that why you were so scared of me?” 

“Partially.” Bitterness seeped into his tone, and he looked away from the night sky. “I don’t know a whole lot about my past. Everything’s fuzzy. But what I do remember is that I – we –”

Sonic’s hand brushed the small of his back, a silent reminder that he was alive, in the present moment, not drifting away, not alone anymore. Shadow took a deep breath. “I wasn’t born. I was created . I was an experiment, raised on a space colony, and that’s why they… they did that to me.”

Nylon fingers brushed against his arms, crimson welling at his stomach, breath catching in his throat, but with a nuzzle Sonic brought him back to reality, shoving the gloved hands away. “Hey, you’re safe. I’m right here, Shadow.” His voice was soft, reassuring, and Shadow wondered why he hadn’t leaned into it before. "You don't have to tell me if you don't--"

“I was isolated from the world,” he began again, “alone. There were only two people who ever really looked at me before you did, I think.” 

Sonic hummed in acknowledgement. Shadow bit his lip. “One of them was my creator. Gerald Robotnik. I don’t… I can’t remember much about him, just…”

“Confusion, anger, guilt.” Sonic murmured, easily reading the color that seeped from Shadow’s fur. “Was he Eggman’s…”

“Grandfather.” 

Sonic blinked, and his voice was soothing yet mischievous. “Ok, boomer.”

“Shut up,” Shadow protested, burying his nose in Sonic’s fur. He was half-tempted to stop there, to let the wind carry away the blue strings that clung to him, the blond strands of hair.

“And the other one?” Sonic prompted, tone soft as if a reminder that Shadow didn’t have to keep going. He swallowed. 

“The other one… her name… her name was Maria.” He could almost hear her voice now, laughing as she danced among the stars.

It was always so hard to meet her eyes. 

“I… she was the first person I loved. She was like a sister to me. She was raised in the colony, like me, and always wanted to see the world.” The tears were coming now, like they always did, bitter and warm. God, it’s so unfair . “She never got the chance. She… they… they had guns. They thought I was dangerous and were willing to do anything to contain me.”

Shadow’s lip trembled and he shut his eyes, letting his grief and regret spill down his cheeks. “God, she was so good , and I’m not. I didn’t deserve her. She – She shoved me into the escape pod, and I couldn’t escape, I couldn’t save her and they — they had guns and bullets and there was so much blood and she’s dead and it’s my fault –”

“No it’s not,” Sonic murmured, bitter and angry, and that was the drop that broke the dam, a sob leaving Shadow’s throat, buried in Sonic’s peach chest fur. “ They were the ones who killed her. They forced her to make a choice, and she made one.”

“But it–” he bit his lip. “It’s just so unfair! She... she was fucking twelve . She loved reading fairytales, and dancing to jazz, and making up constellations and weaving friendship bracelets and–” 

Sonic pulled him closer, breath tickling his forehead. Shadow clung to him like a lifeline, as if when he let go, he’d disappear just like she did. “They killed her.” His voice was hollow. “They killed her and I can barely remember what she looked like.”

“Hey.” Sonic raised his chin with a soft whisper. “Look at me, Shadow. Your memories are real. She was real. She… she wouldn’t have wanted you to blame yourself, right? She chose to save you because she loved you and she wanted you to see the world. To live your life. To be happy.”

“I know,” Shadow gripped tightly to Sonic’s arm, shaking like a wet leaf, and the blue hedgehog cradled him, held him close, let tears fall onto his fur, blue and gray and deep magenta. “But it… it’s so hard . I can’t… Sonic, it feels like I’m disrespecting her. I feel so bad that I want to move on, but I also want to move on so badly .” 

“Would she... she would probably hate to see you like this, right?” Sonic’s voice was gentle, swaying them in the breeze. Shadow choked back a sob.

“God, she would have loved you.”

Sonic stiffened, and Shadow realized that he could see her too, up there among the clouds, her blond hair flowing gently in the wind, her small, bittersweet smile saying everything a thousand words could not. 

His voice trembled. “She loved the stars. Even though they caged her for her entire life. They still do. They always will.” Another pathetic tear rolled slowly down his chin, falling down to trace blue fur. “They’re the only sky she’ll ever get to see.”

“I’m…” Sonic bit his lip. “I’m sorry, Shadow.”

Shadow just nestled closer to Sonic, squeezing his eyes shut and letting the tears fall, quiet sobs muffled in peach fur, bare blue hands carding through matted, dusty quills, brushing over his fur slowly, as if he would break, shatter into a million pieces. 

She waved at him from her perch in the clouds, a fond smile on her face. Her voice was sweet. 

“Sayonara, Shadow the Hedgehog.”

I don’t know what to do without her. 

I… I don’t…

“I’m afraid.” Shadow said suddenly. Nothing prompted it except for the steady march of wispy clouds across the sky, the ticking of a clock, and though he hated it it pulled him nonetheless, dragging him towards a future.

(And it didn’t have Maria in it, but it was going to be ok because there she was anyway, smiling at him, stars in her eyes.)

“Hm?” Sonic murmured, eyes fluttering open. Shadow shivered.

“I’m afraid… I’m afraid of loving you because I could lose you. I can’t lose you. I can’t lose her . Not again.”

Sonic blinked in surprise, and a soft smile spread across his face. “Don’t worry about that. You’d have to try harder than that to get rid of me, Shadow. I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon.” 

Neither was she, he bit back, and instead pulled himself up, level to Sonic’s muzzle. 

“I… I fear that, too.” Sonic admitted, softer, and Shadow remembered the sheer agony in his eyes, crouched over Amy’s limp body. “You saw it. I'm ashamed of it, and I'm a hypocrite. I fear that one day I won’t be fast enough to save the people I love. That they’ll rely on me and I won’t be there for them. It–” He paused, hesitated, almost trembling, navy-gray dread dripping from his skin. “It feels like I’m drowning, you know? And you know better than anyone how bad I am at swimming.”

Shadow frowned, pressing a soft kiss to Sonic’s cheek. He discarded the tears, looking up in farewell. “That’s why I’m here, idiot.”

They had been avoiding it, but before Shadow could nip at Sonic’s neck again, trace a path to his lips, he paused. 

“Sonic?”

“Hm?”

“What…” he struggled to find the words. “What are we?”

Sonic hesitated, fingers pausing on his shoulders, ready to grip tightly, pull him closer, give in to the insistent tugging on their lips. “I… don’t know.” His emerald eyes met Shadow’s, almost glowing. “I guess… you make me feel warm. Safe. Like I’m at home.”

“I don’t– I just–” Shadow sighed, cheeks flushing, and their noses were almost brushing. “There’s a part of me that just… wants to be close to you. You make me feel different. In a good way. When I'm with you I feel safe. I feel warm. I feel like I want to stay with you forever, and it scares me. You're the only person who's ever been able to compete with me. It's terrifying.” 

Sonic laughed, warm, and pressed a soft peck to his lips.  “You? Scared? Please, you can take out a dozen robots in the blink of an eye, you can teleport across the globe on a whim and heal people with your bare hands, and you’re scared of me ?”

Shadow whined indignantly, playfully kneeing at his stomach. Sonic rolled his eyes, sparkling green. “Don’t let this scare you, Shadow. Instead, let it be exciting. An adventure.”

Shadow snorted. “You’re far too fond of those.”

“Sue me for liking to live in the moment!” Sonic’s hands were warm on his chest.

Flushing, Shadow locked eyes with him. “Well, what do you say we live in this one?”

Sonic blinked in surprise, a grin spreading across his face. “God, I love you,” he sighed, and in one swift movement captured Shadow’s lips in his. 

It was awkward, teeth clashing against lips in surprise, but Shadow melted into it. It was nothing like their first kiss. That was a battle, a tsunami of passion and want and denial all cascading into a hurricane of bites and bruises, ever-present tooth marks. This was a truce, a silent acceptance of the pink that fell from their lips, the warmth that sparked when they touched, water gently lapping and rippling at their feet. It was sweet, soft, and Shadow shuddered, feeling the way Sonic held him so delicately , carefully brushing hands up his arms, pulling them into a sitting position, legs tangling with each other, quills smoothing, breaking. Shadow traced the outline of the peach patch on Sonic’s chest, eyes closed, having marked it into his memory. He brushed away leftover dampness from his tears. 

The kiss wasn’t perfect, noses bumping and gasps for breath before sinking back in, but neither were they, so it was enough. 

They broke apart, separating with a soft peck, and Shadow’s heart was fucking fluttering , flapping in his chest, a flustered mess, warmth spurting from his heart, overflowing into a mess of pink and red and yellow (love and passion and happiness, Sonic noted, arms still brushing) from his hands. 

“Wow.” Sonic breathed, still looking into Shadow’s eyes, and Shadow wondered with a shiver if he knew that red and green were complimentary colors. “That was… wow.”

“Such a way with words,” Shadow deadpanned, lips drifting to his cheeks and neck, sucking lightly on his shoulders.

“Like you’re any better, Mr. I-Unironically-Use-Insults-Like-Dimwit.”

“You are a dimwit.”

“You’re just proving my point.”

“I like you better when you’re quiet,” Shadow snapped, and captured his lips once again. 

-

Amy was fine.

She was . 

She didn’t trust Shadow, but Sonic did, and that was all that mattered.

(That was a lie. How he had looked when she woke up, crouched above her, hands warm and face screwed in concentration, anxiety and determination and the way he cared about her flowing through their contact.

She shouldn’t trust him.

Her subconscious had other plans.)

She was happy for them. She was . She anxiously tapped the pen on her desk, clicking it over and over again. Click click click click click.

Sonic wasn’t interested in her anyway. She was stupid to think that he would be. She was too… too bright, too outgoing, too pushy. 

And Shadow… how could she even begin to compete with Shadow? He was literally the ultimate life form. He was strong, lithe, stupidly handsome... the only one who had ever been able to keep up with Sonic. Sonic needed someone who wouldn’t hold him back, slow him down. That’s all she had been doing anyway.

Click click click.

(She still thought about him. Thought about those eyes, shimmering emeralds, the way his smile shone in the sun. Now, though, there was an echo of ruby, of a soft, gravelly voice she couldn’t place. Didn’t want to place.)

Envy was bitter. She swallowed. There was a reason she didn’t drink her coffee black. 

Click click click click click click click click.

“I’m sorry,” He had said. He shouldn’t have apologized, not when Amy was the one who had screwed up, had foolishly thought they could be any more than close friends, that the warmth in her heart and the thrumming in her chest was mirrored. He had hurt him, of course, but who did Amy think she was to try and protect Sonic when it was clear that he wanted to be better, and Sonic wanted him so badly it hurt? Shadow had taken his hand without hesitation, and she had heard Sonic’s soft purrs before she turned away, seen the way the darker one had nuzzled peach fur as if he’d done it a thousand times before. As if he fit there, slotted into place like a puzzle piece. Their emotions had been so overwhelming, so strong, like they had been made to rival one another, to be each others' antithesis, while she was doomed to watch from the sidelines, a supportive, innocent, too-optimistic friend who got in their way.

She was happy for them.

She was she was she was. She had to be.

Click click SNAP.

Unsure where the tears came from, what dragged the cry out of her throat, she hurled the pen across the room. It burst, blue ink spreading across the wall, matching the red on her hands, the red on Shadow’s quills, ungloved tan fingers gently brushing through them. 

Amy buried her face in her pillow and sobbed.